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Flirty Straight Friend

My best friend is the sweetest, most generous guy in the world. The problem is that he flirts mercilessly with every straight guy he meets, especially after getting a few drinks in him. It doesn't matter who it is, if he has a dick and balls my friend flirts with him. I'm not talking about mild joking around, I'm talking about overt sexual innuendo. I can see that guys are often very uncomfortable with this, and both my partner and I have spoken to my friend about it.%0D %0D The problem is that we are having a big Fourth of July party this year with family and friends, both gay and straight. I just had a phone call from my brother-in-law and he asked me if my friend would be there. He said that he has been debating whether he should talk with me or just skip the party altogether because he feels very uncomfortable with my friend's advances. He said he wouldn't accept the same behavior from a woman, and he shouldn't have to tolerate it from a man. He feels uncomfortable because he doesn't want to be perceived as homophobic if he says anything. He said if a woman spoke to him the way my friend does, he would tell her that she was being inappropriate but he doesn't say anything to my friend because he doesn't want to make waves.%0D %0D I feel like I need to lay it on the line to my friend. He has already been invited to the party but I think I need to let him know that his behavior with the straight guys needs to be toned down. I want to be able to have a nice mix of gay and straight, male and female, and kids; and I certainly don't want to have people staying home because of his actions.

by Anonymousreply 6201/27/2015

Why don't you just say to him, "Seriously, hon, you have to STOP with the dirty jokes in mixed company."

Make it like he's telling ribald jokes instead of getting drunk and propositioning. To spare his feelings.

by Anonymousreply 106/25/2011

Also, tell your brother-in-law to grow a pair of balls and tell anyone who makes unwanted advances, whether male or female, to stop it.

by Anonymousreply 206/25/2011

If you had a straight male friend who hit on every woman at a party when he got drunk and was generally obnoxious to them, what would you do? Would you spare his feelings or tell him he's being a jackass? Would you continue to invite him if your female family members were uncomfortable around him?

by Anonymousreply 306/25/2011

For starters, do not take R1's shitty advice. Be honest with your friend. Gently explain the behavior you've observed and tell him your concerns. It is the kindest thing to do for him. Otherwise, he may never know the effect his behavior has on others.%0D %0D Also, he sounds like a repressed homo.

by Anonymousreply 406/25/2011

R5 has the worst advice ever.

You need to talk to your friend, or stop inviting him to mixed-company parties.

by Anonymousreply 606/25/2011

I would do the opposite. Liquor your friend up until he's drunk and on his knees with someone's cock in his mouth. Tape it for your facebook page. This is how you have to learn em.

by Anonymousreply 706/25/2011

R5 has a lot of self-loathing. He probably says it is women's own fault when they get raped. How dare your gay friend offend straight people? How dare you sitting in front of bus offending white people? People like R5 ruins America with their stupid brain dead politically correct middle class rhetoric.

by Anonymousreply 806/25/2011

I mean R6. Damn this stupid iPad keyboard.

by Anonymousreply 906/25/2011

Really R8? Your going to compare Rosa Parks to a drunken sleaze at a party? LMAO. Now that's a big stretch.

by Anonymousreply 1006/25/2011

[quote]He probably says it is women's own fault when they get raped.

[quote]They need to learn how to deal with flirty gay people just as [bold]women need to learn how to deal with agressive straight guys advances[/bold].

R8/R9, are you drunk? You wrote both of those things. You sound like one of those drunk buffoons at parties that makes everyone else uncomfortable.

by Anonymousreply 1106/25/2011

R5 is an idiot. "Supporting diversity"?? WRONG.

Your lecherous friend is being obnoxious and his behavior is out of line to the point that your other friends don't want to come to your house.

Do you really need us to tell you what to do, OP?

by Anonymousreply 1206/25/2011

[quote]women need to learn how to deal with agressive straight guys advances.

R5, fuck off, you misogynistic prick. Unwanted sexual advances are no joke, and more than one woman has been attacked when she didn't accede to some drunk guy's "flirtation." Take your 1950's attitude straight to hell.

Drunken horny guys are no joke and need to be held responsible for their behavior.

by Anonymousreply 1306/25/2011

R13 = Gloria Alred

by Anonymousreply 1406/25/2011

A couple of years ago I broke all ties with one of my longtime friends over his behavior. He used to be fun when we were younger and wilder, but as we grew older, his drinking became pretty bad. It wasn't that he drank ALL the time, but when he DID drink, he couldn't control himself and would begin groping any man near him - whether he knew them or not, and whether they were straight or not. I used to involve him in many of the events I supported, but after he groped a security guard (who was VERY offended), I was called upon to escort him off the premises. This sort of thing happened numerous times and I was very surprised he never got the shit beaten out of him. A couple of years ago, it was Thanksgiving and I was going to dinner at another friend's house. I knew my old friend had nowhere to go, so I invited him along, urging him to pace his drinking so he (and we) could enjoy the evening. Within an hour he was so shit-faced that he called our host "a fuckin' Mexican," groped the Executive Director of a charity I volunteer for, knocked a tray of food off the balcony, and tried to slap me when I quietly asked him to get a grip. He then ran screaming out of our host's house and out into the street and never returned. I've not seen him since - haven't spoken or written at all. I know he was deeply hurt when I didn't contact him afterward, but neither did he try and contact me. But every time I get written about in our newspaper or local magazines, he always writes some disparaging letter to the publication about me. It's a sad situation, but I'm definitely better off without this guy embarrassing me every time we go somewhere.

by Anonymousreply 1506/25/2011

Men are pigs. No news here.

Move it along, toots.

by Anonymousreply 1606/25/2011

I am so stupid. I meant Flirty GAY friend. He's very gay and flirts with my straight friends and relatives.

by Anonymousreply 1706/25/2011

Your brother-in-law sounds like an asshole.

Does your friend have a drinking problem?

by Anonymousreply 1806/25/2011

shit, I forgot to sign. I am R5 R8

by Anonymousreply 2006/25/2011

R13, how the fuck I am a "misogynistic prick". If OP's gay friend needs to learn a lesson, then, he needs to learn a lesson. I am a proud lesbian and will fuck your puny ass with a big black dildo any time.

yes, dear, you are welcome.

by Anonymousreply 2106/26/2011


by Anonymousreply 2206/26/2011

Lol,r22%0D %0D Gay, straight, bi, animal, vegetable or mineral, the friend of the OP presents a real social problem to him.%0D %0D Flame me, Marys, but it would be no less so if the OP's friend is a straight female, or whatever.%0D %0D Social pests, moreso while ingesting alcohol, are a problem. %0D %0D It all depends on his value as a friend to the OP. If he wants a continued relationship with him, which, of course would pre-clude disinviting him to thier 4th Party, well, it takes, during the party, to monitor him with gentle, yet firm, admonitions to behave.%0D %0D Yet, moreso, I agree with previous posters who call out the brother-in-law for being a social, homophobic dweeb. Grow a pair and quietly tell the pest, in no uncertain terms, to back the fuck off.

by Anonymousreply 2306/26/2011

OP, water down your friends drinks. Tell him before he comes to the party that you can not tolerate his drunken stupidity and will not be held accountable for any guest that knocks his lights out for being an ass. And that if he can't learn to control himself you'll have to stop inviting him over for mixed parties. Tell your bro-in-law to stand up for himself. Indeed why would he tell a woman to cut it out but not a man?

by Anonymousreply 2406/26/2011

"Those who can not tolerate gay people flirting with "straight" people are the same kind of people back in history could not stand Emmett Till whistling to a white woman. "%0D %0D Oh bosh. This isn't a question of equality, it's a question of rudeness. The OP's friend is so obnoxious that some people don't want to be around him, which is putting the OP in a position of having to decide whether to invite the friend, or the people who dislike the friend. It's a nightmare for a host or hostess!%0D %0D It would be great if the OP had the nerve to tell the friend to tone it down or no more invites, because the path of least resistance is to stop inviting the friend without telling him why. That way lies hurt and guilt.

by Anonymousreply 2506/26/2011

R21, I didn't see one thing stamped underneath your foot that said you were going to be a cane weilding lesbonic.

by Anonymousreply 2606/26/2011

lesbian = misogynistic prick


by Anonymousreply 2706/26/2011

OP's friend is a DRUNK closet case. Punch. Delete... been there got the tee shirt. Over-served misbehaved friends aren't friends they're codependants best admired from a GREAT distance.

by Anonymousreply 2806/26/2011

When you're having a (successful) party, you need to invite people with social skills, not belligerent people who can't read social cues. So you should probably talk to your friend in advance and just be direct about his habit of making people uncomfortable with aggressive flirting. Also, you don't want to invite the angry lesbian posting in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 2906/26/2011

Where in OP's post does he make reference to his friend being a closet case? The friend is also hitting on every guy in the room. How would that be in the closet?

by Anonymousreply 3006/26/2011

[quote]Straight men flirt with women all the time. How is it different from OP's gay friend flirting with straight men?

Straight men get told ALL the time that they are boorish pigs who will not be invited to the next event if they can't behave. WTF are you blathering about, R19?

This isn't harmless flirting, it's aggressive harassment that alienates other guests. Tough love is what's needed, not "tolerance." You invite a jerk like this to every party and pretty soon he's the only one showing up 'cause everyone else begs off? The rights of a drunken slob do not trump the rights of all the other guests just because he's gay.

R19, I can only guess that you are "that" guy at every party-- or have been but no longer get any invitations and can't understand why.

by Anonymousreply 3106/26/2011

It's the job of the host to deal with obnoxious people, not the job of the victim. You could try firmly taking him away and introducing him to a bore - I've seen this work at parties. Anyway, what's the problem with telling him to cut it out?

by Anonymousreply 3206/26/2011

You should've just not invited your friend. What's the point of throwing a party and inviting some spoiler like him? You might think the world of him but consider your objective - you're entertaining a large group of people, NOT proving how much you like your friend.

I just wouldn't invite him and isolate him to environments where his behaviour is appropriate and you can enjoy him. If he ever figures it out and asks you just tell him, "That's a separate part of my life where you don't belong," or something.

OP, you can't go through life carrying other people. He has to carry himself. And he wants to grow up and be mature, he has that choice. But why would you let one person begin to ruin your other relationships? The problem isn't him - the problem is that you have no BOUNDARIES.

by Anonymousreply 3306/26/2011

Wait.. shouldn't this thread really be titled Flirty Gay Whore Friend?

Jus' sayin...

by Anonymousreply 3406/26/2011

OP, you've talked to this guy before and his attitude hasn't changed...what kind of advice are you looking for? It sounds like he's a fucking drunk with zero social skills, so I don't know why you and your partner insist on enabling him instead of leading the guy towards help!

Those of you who think the OP's friend is harmless...well, you're full of shit. Just because SOME straight men may flirt mercilessly with women doesn't mean that it's all treated like harmless fun. There's flirting and then there's just plain aggressive/obnoxious behavior that shouldn't be tolerated.

I'm a gay man and I've had several straight women pull the same act as OP's friend on me. I treated (and in a current situation, treat) their behavior as harmless up to a certain point. After that point, it becomes concerning/unwanted attention that I refuse to encourage...and if I have to jettison mutual friends in order to get away, that's something I won't hesitate to do (especially if I don't get any support in discouraging the aggressor).

A party is the last thing you need to invite your friend to, OP...not until he changes. And take off the rose colored glasses while you're at it...the guy sounds like he's going to fuck with the wrong person one of these days.

by Anonymousreply 3506/26/2011

R5 - seriously - OP's friend sounds like Andy Dick. No one - gay or straight - needs to be subjected to questionable behavior. You really need to get off whatever soapbox it is that makes you think this asshole needs to be tolerated in the name of 'diversity'. It's not diversity - it's obnoxious behavior that's inappropriate wherever, whenever. It wouldn't be acceptable if the guy was hitting on women.

OP - tell your friend unless he dials it back he's not invited. Tell him he's offensive and not everyone appreciates what he does.

by Anonymousreply 3606/26/2011

OP,I would try telling your friend that his behavior is so obnoxius, others refuse to go to a party that he will be attending. Then tell him he will not be allowed to continue attending your parties, as he is making his presence an ordeal for others to tolerate. %0D %0D If he gets overly defensive or angry, instead of ashamed and embarrassed, he's an alcoholic. Punch and delete. Been there, got the t-shirt. You cannot stop an alcoholic from drinking in a place full of booze.

by Anonymousreply 3706/26/2011

[quote]I am a proud lesbian and will fuck your puny ass with a big black dildo any time.

Is this the sort of thing your friend says?

by Anonymousreply 3806/26/2011

>>Been there, got the t-shirt. %0D %0D I'd rather have OP's douchebag friend at all of my hot guy laden parties, than ever hear this phrase again.

by Anonymousreply 3906/26/2011

Firstly, R15's description of that party is fuckin' hilarious. The only thing I could think of was "MARY!"%0D %0D But to the point of this thread: your friend is a boor. It's not a question of equality, it's a question of appropriate behavior, and clear when your bud gets some booze in him, all judgement flies out the window. I'd not include him, and then when/if he asks why -- tell him. Be honest. You might lose a friend, but if he embarrasses you in your own home, how much of a friend is he?%0D %0D DISCLAIMER: Alcoholism runs in my family (not me, Thank God) so I have zero tolerance for this kind of behavior. But that's me.

by Anonymousreply 4006/26/2011

The poster saying "you would let him be an asshole if he were a straight guy hitting on women" reminds me of those who claim any criticism of a black person is motivated by racism.

by Anonymousreply 4106/26/2011

Sounds like a great shindig, OP. Way to go and unleash the social bomber to the unsuspecting party guests!

by Anonymousreply 4206/26/2011

"People like R5 ruins America with their stupid brain dead politically correct middle class rhetoric."%0D %0D %0D %0D The brain dead people are Republicans like you who whine about "political correctness"%0D %0D %0D %0D I bet you listen to Rush Limabugh. He likes to whine about political correctness, too.%0D %0D %0D %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 4306/26/2011

[quote]Straight men flirt with women all the time. How is it different from OP's gay friend flirting with straight men? Women will give signals to the straight men for unwanted sexual advances.[/quote]Yes, and like OP's socially clueless, obnoxious friend, straight guys ALWAYS listen to women's subtle social cues that they're being inappropriate, and stop immediately.

by Anonymousreply 4406/26/2011

R25, did you read OP's original? This is what OP said about this flirty gay person:

"My best friend is the sweetest, most generous guy in the world."

You sounded old, rigid, intolerable and insufferable.

So, let's not invite him because he is gay and flirty. Wait, let's not invite those single straight guys, because they might hit on other women. Let's not invite this Mormon couple because they might offend the Jehovah's Witnesses friend. Of course those Jehovah's Witnesses friends definitely try to evangelize everybody. Oh, let's definitely not invite those black guys. You know what they say about aggressive blacks. Let's definitely not invite that single butch lesbian, because she might also hit on other women ... ...

Where the fuck does this "let's not offend people" shit stop?

by Anonymousreply 4506/26/2011

[quote]"My best friend is the sweetest, most generous guy in the world."

Not when he's drunk, R45.

Time to hang it up. Your argument is invalid. You've been schooled now by at least 20 different clear minded and logical DLers that this guy is just a boor--nothing more. Sorry if this touches a nerve with you because you see yourself in him. Get some help.

by Anonymousreply 4606/26/2011

[quote]Where the fuck does this "let's not offend people" shit stop?

[raises hand]

How about at not getting drunk and not hitting on people who are unavailable to you?

by Anonymousreply 4706/26/2011

"Where the fuck does this "let's not offend people" shit stop?"%0D %0D When your friends stop inviting you to parties, because the other guests all hate you.%0D %0D And it's not like Mr. Flirty is gaining anything by this annoying behavior, the OP didn't mention him ever succeeding with any of these straight guys.

by Anonymousreply 4806/26/2011

He's your best friend, the other guy is a homophobic jerk. He WISHES he got that treatment from women and I don't believe for one minute he ever "wouldn't put up with it." What he doesn't want to happen is being successfully seduced. Indeed, he may have a crush on YOU rather than your best friend.%0D I say punch and delete, but keep the best friend. We are adults, adults flirt. OP's straight friend wants to be flirty in his realm but act like a prudish 12 year old girl in yours. That's not acceptable behavior.%0D

by Anonymousreply 4906/26/2011

Why would a straight guy flirt with men when he's drunk? That makes no sense, OP.

And besides, if your other friends don't like it, you should tell them they can leave.

by Anonymousreply 5006/26/2011

The OP made it clear this wasn't just mild flirtation. Overly aggressive sexual advances should never be made on anyone that isn't clearly inviting them. Many people find mild flirtation charming and good for their ego. Aggressive sexual advances are often seen as offensive and/or threatening.

I might be the only one, but I don't think the brother-on-law was necessarily being homophobic or untruthful.

by Anonymousreply 5106/26/2011

"Where in OP's post does he make reference to his friend being a closet case? The friend is also hitting on every guy in the room. How would that be in the closet?

by: Anonymoustreply 30t06/26/2011 @ 04:42AM"

Dear Thing, refer to the Topic Post FLIRTY STRAIGHT FRIEND. Str8 men DON'T get drunk and paw other men. GAY and CLOSETED men do this. Str8 men get drunk and paw WOMEN.

by Anonymousreply 5206/27/2011

[quote]I am so stupid. I meant Flirty GAY friend. He's very gay and flirts with my straight friends and relatives. by: OP, having another glass of wine.treply 17

by Anonymousreply 5306/27/2011

[quote]So, let's not invite him because he is gay and flirty.

I would stop inviting the fucker even if he limited himself to making aggressive, unsolicited sexual advances on other gay guys. This is not about protecting homophobic straight guys from a mildly flirtatious gay man; it's about protecting all male guests, straight and guy, from an obnoxious boor who refuses to stop throwing himself all over guys who are not interested in him.

by Anonymousreply 5406/27/2011

OP Man up and dump the jerk- your BIL hipped you-others are dissing you behind your back. Hate to say it but our five closest friends reflect our character his bad behavior is ok'ed by YOU. So you're a creep, too! What, was he your college blow buddy??

by Anonymousreply 5506/28/2011

Oh dude. It is happening to me. My straight male friend has been acting interesting toward me lately. He definitely loves women and has no history with guys. But the playfulness and eye contact lately with him has been so intense. He even touches me (shoulders, back) more than usual. I try not to project romantic intentions on my straight friends, but in this case, I feel something flirty coming from him. The eye contact and playfulness seem to be restricted to me, which draws notice from some of my friends.

by Anonymousreply 5607/01/2013


by Anonymousreply 5708/15/2013

Hire a male hooker. Tell him his job is to get your flirty friend into the bedroom as early in the party as possible, and to make him dump his load. Your friend will be less interested in pawing your other male guests if his nuts are empty.

by Anonymousreply 5808/16/2013

Save the money on the male hooker, take the bull by the horns, and just milk the load outta him yourself!!

by Anonymousreply 5908/16/2013


by Anonymousreply 6009/30/2013

I can relate to this-- I have a gay friend who does the same thing when he's drunk--but never to other gay guys, just straight ones. Maybe it's because he has a partner and its "safer" hitting on straight guys? It's driven a wedge between my large group of friends--some people have just gotten fed up with him, and others just think "oh, that's just _______" . I quit going out with him without his partner because it made me uncomfortable, a bit, to see him throwing himself on straight guys. Still, I didn't care too much until my very best friend--who is straight--said he doesn't want to be around my gay friend anymore. I thought he was overreacting until he told me the gay friend tried to grab his cock at the urinal (crept up behind him) and showed me the highly sexual texts he was getting from him.

Part of me wants to tell them all to get over it, but I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable at my house.

by Anonymousreply 6109/30/2013


by Anonymousreply 6201/27/2015
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