"Golden Girls" storylines if the show took place today

Main Plot: Dorothy deals with a young girl at her latest temp assingment who got caught sexting and now not only gets harassed in school, but thrown out by her parents.

Sub Plot: Sophia is trying to figure out who's sending her strange iPhone messages (turns out it's Rose by mistake sending Sophia her shopping lists instead of saving them).

Minnesota native Rose sends a letter to the woman who serves the congressional district where she and Charlie lived: Michele Bachmann. Rose tells Bachmann she's worried about the state of the GOP, and that she believes Bachmann should get aid from her "good friend," former Vice President Walter Mondale, to help not only the state but the country get back on its feet. And perhaps Michele could get together with another Michelle -- First Lady Michelle Obama -- on better nutrition and eating habits for well-intentioned Americans.%0D %0D Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia aren't too confident Michele Bachmann will respond to Rose's letter. Blanche beleives she has a "better shot" at Florida's newest U.S. Senator, Marco Rubio, who turns out -- as Dorothy finds in her investigation -- to be the star pupil of hers who ended up deported back in 1986. Though not encouraged by Sophia, Dorothy cannot help but wonder: Is a reunion in the works?

Main plot: Blanche reacts with immediate joy, not horror, upon hearing the news that her closest cousin is gay, and they immediately depart for a debaucherous night on the Fort Lauderdale club scene.

Sub plot: Rose receives an e-mail from "Nigerian royalty" and thinks it's real, and nearly wires away her entire life's savings before Dorothy intervenes in the nick of time.

Main Plot: The neighborhood is up in arms when it's discovered that one of the homeowners is running a gay porn website right in their midst. The four gals struggle to decide which side they're on.

Sub Plot: Blanche is addicted to internet shopping.

God, all of these storylines suggestions are lame.

Dorothy's college friend Jean is coming to visit, but Dorothy is concerned about how the girls will react if they find out she's a lesbian. One night Jean takes a chance and reveals to Rose that she has feelings for her. Rose, desensitized to lesbian sex by years of Internet porn viewing, jumps into bed with Jean and spends all night happily having her box eaten.

1. Dorothy comes to terms with her desire for gender reassignment surgery.

2. After a wild night out, Blanche discovers she's infested the house with bed bugs. She then nails the exterminator.

3. Anxious about her mounting gambling debts, Sofia gets hooked on OxyContin.

4. Rose find new community and meaning in her life after she discovers DataLounge.

Neighbors would call the police to complain about the stench coming from the house next door where Rose is found telling St. Olaf stories to three rotting corpses. Two at the table with her, each with a slice of moldy cheesecake in front of them and the third corpse on a stool at the island.

"Mark Zuckerberg's Coming! Mark Zuckerberg's Coming!"%0D %0D As part of Facebook's efforts to make inroads among the older generations, founder Mark Zuckerberg decides to visit a household of senior citizens who are new Facebook users for a publicity photo op, and the girls are selected. In this special one-hour episode, as the girls upload photos from their past and Friend old boyfriends, their reminiscences are illustrated with hilarious clips from previous episodes.%0D %0D When Zuckerberg arrives, Dorothy, who has intended to give him a piece of her mind about Facebook's lack of privacy safeguards, instead becomes too star-struck to speak.

Blanche develops lactose intolerance which leads to a fight about whether the house should be a cheesecake-free zone. %0D %0D The lanai collapses, trapping Sophia underneath the rubble. After being rescued, she sues Blanche for everything she's got.%0D %0D Dorothy is overheard threatening Sophia with exile to Shady Pines, and is reported to the Elder Abuse Hotline.%0D %0D Rose answers a Craigslist ad for part-time work and ends up in a brothel. Special guest star Mariska Hargitay rescues her.

Ok. r8 wins.

When the city of Miami threatens legal action against Blanche for violating a zoning ordinance forbidding homeowners from having three unrelated tenants in a private home, the girls hit on a solution: travel to Washington, D.C. for a quickie same-sex wedding in which Blanche and Sophia are legally married!%0D %0D But when the national news media find out Sophia is the oldest person in the country to have entered into a same-sex marriage, they publicize the story as a romantic tale of love conquering all. How will this affect Blanche's dating life??%0D %0D Meanwhile, Rose gets in trouble with her colleagues for incessantly forwarding unfunny joke e-mails.

Sophia's arrested when they find a brick of meth in her pocketbook. Turns out, she's been supplimenting her Social Security as a runner for one of Miami's biggest drug lords.%0D %0D Dorothy reveals a long-hidden secret to the girls when she's diagnosed with prostate cancer.%0D %0D Rose makes a video of her jingle for the Miami Tourist Board and it goes viral, gathering almost 75 million hits in three weeks - but not in a good way.%0D %0D Coco's decomposed body is discovered under the lanai and after a lengthy trial, Blanche is convicted of his murder.

LOL R8.

R8 wins, but I'll still try.

Dorothy learns that the mother of a young girl she tutors is in the country illegally, and she fights to keep the family together.

Blanche meets and falls for a wealthy handsome Mormon, who wants to make her his 5th wife.

Rose gets addicted to Farmville and forgets to pick up Sophia from the hospital.

Some of these are really very good. I can totally picture Rose addicted to Farmville, sending out checks to Nigerian royalty ...

Blanche decides whether or not she wants to continuing being a "booty call" or "friends with benefits" with Mel Bushman.

Blanche faces a dilemma when her daughter Rebecca, after her artificial insemination fails due to a malformed uterus, asks Blanche to be her surrogate and carry her fertilized eggs to term.%0D %0D Meanwhile, Dorothy gets carried away when she starts devoting all her free time to posting negative customer reviews of Barbara Thorndyke's books on Amazon.

Bumping for more ideas!

The girls are thrilled when they win tickets to a movie premiere and private party to be hosted by none other than Mr. Kevin Costner. However, the day of the premiere, the girls are arrested and thrown in jail on a charge of possession of child pornography (Blanche had downloaded a nude photo of a guy who turned out to be 17). Will they make it out in time to meet Kevin?

(I should say I'm not entirely thrilled with my choice of Kevin Costner, but I was trying to think of somebody who would be today's equivalent of what Burt Reynolds was in 1986 - an over-the-hill hunk who only old ladies would be interested in.)

Main plot: Sophia gets overly involved with the local megachurch and finds herself at odds with the girls for her new conservative outlook on life.

Subplot: Rose becomes addicted to purchasing "As Seen On Tv" items for her friends because she thinks they'll really help improve the quality of their lives. The girls struggle with how to tell her to stop without offending her.

Ok I'm loving these!

Blanche, normally a GOP supporter, decides to put her money and time behind Obama's re-election campaign, simply because he reminds her of Tyrone, her 'favorite blackamoor lover' from long ago.

R19/20, I think a Michael Buble concert with a meet and greet after the show would work well in your proposed scenario.

How about: Blanche is over-the-moon when she is cast in the Real Housewives of Dade County, but is less than thrilled when the producers decide that they want her to share the spotlight with Rose and Dorothy. The girls learn a valuable lesson about the true nature of friendship and reality show editing.

Meanwhile, Sophia becomes a columnist for the Huffington Post.

Admit it, OP, you're actually a writer for Hot in Cleveland, aren't you?

or: Rose becomes a test subject for "Cialis for her" and quickly usurps Blanche's title as Miami's hottest date over 50. Tension mounts further when Mel Bushman proposes a threeway.

Meanwhile, Dorothy decides to buy a hybrid, but Sophia has other plans...

One day while beach combing, Ma finds a 6 year-old Cuban boy with a heart of gold washed up in a raft on the beach and brings him home. At first, Dorothy is outraged but quickly finds a place in her heart for the boy as the substitute teacher in her realizes this is another chance to actually make a difference in a child's life.

Meanwhile, Rose and Blanche have their hands full as they prepare for the annual Save A Dolphin fundraiser. As hosts for the evening, Blanche dresses up like Jessica Simpson and Rose as Flipper.

Governor Charlie Crist and his rentboy make special guest appearances in both story lines.

Main Plot: Dorothy counsels a girl who's being bullied as a "slut," but Blanche thinks she's more qualified to do it, remembering fondly the days when whoriness was a positive quality.

Subplot: Rose and Sophia go shoe shopping and accidentally shoplift shoes.

These are good, keep 'em up!

I imagine present day episodes would have the exact same storyline that every other episode did:%0D %0D "Girls, I think he's going to propose!"

Blanche's sexual escapades winding up on the Internet would be a given if the show were made today.

Let's not relive that awfully overrated show. Once was enough.

Former male servant Coco and his lover Julio make an appearance in a very special episode that focuses on the plight of gay couples trying to adopt.

The girls advance to the taped round of auditions for America's Got Talent. Jealousies ensue as each vies to be the lead performer and have her song chosen. To settle it, they each post a video online to see who gets the most views. Blanche, to borrow another idea, accidentally posts a scandalous video without realizing it and the girls are subsequently removed from the competition for the scandal. We learn at the end that Sophia has made friends with Piers Morgan and will be on the show as a foul-mouthed standup granny.

In an emotional three-parter, Rose relives the the kitchen table conversations which occurred on the night following the burial of each of her friends, sparked by the four of them sitting around talking about Stan's passing.

In the closing minutes of the finale, Rose is left alone at the kitchen table holding Edith's slipper in one hand and a forkful of cheesecake in the other.

Suddenly, she wakes up next to Ed Asner and tells him what an odd dream she had.

Main plot: Rose's career has a renaissance, and she is booked onto multiple sketch comedy shows and sitcoms.

Subplot: Sophia's, Dorothy's, and Blanche's corpses decompose further in their graves.

[quote]Rebecca, after her artificial insemination fails due to a malformed uterus, asks Blanche to be her surrogate and carry her fertilized eggs to term.

At Blanche's age, the only baby she can carry is a plate of baby back ribs at the Shriners Chili Fest.

Oh please, Dorothy, when has Blanche ever made it to the dinner course in a room full of Shriners?

Their home destroyed by a hurricane, the girls resort to living in their cars and turning elderly tricks. Blanche blames their predicament on the fact the help is now in the White House. She encourages to the girls to go on a tea party rally where they are arrested in a hotel room during a paid foursome with Glen Beck.

Bank of America "forecloses" on them and tries to evict them from the house, even though they don't have any mortgage with Bank of America or anyone else.

At night the girls sit around the kitchen table eating Activia yogurt and telling stories.

Blanche struggles with what to do when she discovers the man she has been seeing is Michael Vick.

After experiencing how popular Cindy Lou Peeples was at the High School reunion they crashed, Dorothy begins cyber-stalking her. Sophia gets concerned it will turn into a "Single White Female" scenario.

Rose wants to spice things up with Miles, so Blanche suggests she get a Brazilian wax.

Blanche's daughter moves in with the gals after going on a meth binge with her hard-living beau. At the same time, Stanley also needs to move in after losing everything but his toupee in a Madoff-like scheme. Chaos ensues when Blanche's daughter attempts to seduce Stanley, and Dorothy still feels pangs of love for him.

Subplot: Rose discovers Miles is on Facebook with a completely different name and a family in Teaneck, NJ.

Rose has to take an AIDS test and Blanche says "So what if you have it? Just take a pill every morning with your Flintstone chewable."

It would be a show called Hot in Cleveland.

[quote] Rose wants to spice things up with Miles, so Blanche suggests she get a Brazilian wax.

Then Rose disappears for three days. Just when the other girls are finally calling the police to report her missing, she walks into the kitchen saying:

"Well, it doesn't look much different than when I shave it with Sophia's razor, but at least I got 4300 frequent flier miles."

Rose gets AIDS but doesn't worry a bit about it, 'cause Obamacare pays for her antiretrovirals.

Blanche admits she voted 256 times at various locations for GW Bush, thus giving him the election.

Dorothy gets Morgellons in a special two part episode only to have it never mentioned again.

Sofia announces she never had a stroke, but is in fact, just a bitch.

Okay, mine are not going to be as good as the previous ones.....I am shrieking with laughter...

Blanche starts using Dating Apps. She goes on J-Date and lies about being Jewish.

Sophia refuses to friend Dorothy on FB. Hurt feelings ensue.

Rose becomes hooked on Kardashian reality tv shows!

A-story; Blanche accidentally Snapchats a naked photo to her new boss instead of her new boyfriend, and she, Dorothy, and Rose have to try to steal his cellphone to delete it.

B-story: Sophia secretly lists her bedroom on Airbnb and tries to sneak guests in and out of the house without the others knowing.

I don't know about plots, but I know there would be a comment from Sophia about Dorothy swiping back-to-front.

Dorothy's prize pupil Mario get deported and Sophia gets her ass booted back to Sicily.

Clayton and Doug decide to have a twink over for the weekend in an effort to spice up their love life.

You might as well just link it to [italic]The Facts of Life[/italic], since they're old enough to be the new Golden Girls by npw:

Recently widowed Blair Warner buys a vacation home in Miami, Florida that turns out to be 6151 Richmond Avenue, then when she loses all her money in the Crash of 2008, she makes it her full-time residence. Then after Jo Polniaczek comes out as bisexual and divorces Rick Bonner, she moves in with her after her daughter graduates from college. The internet has enabled Natalie Green to work when and where she wants, so she now is a columnist for one of Miami's top fashion magazines; she takes the job and moves in with them as it's cheaper than New York City. Tootie's career has brought her to the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theatre to finally fulfill her girlhood dream of starring in [italic]The Wiz[/italic], albeit this time she's playing Evilene; she moves in with her old roommates because it's cheaper and her daughter is in law school, hoping to become the next Michelle Obama. Eventually, they learn that Mrs. Garrett has been living in a room at Shady Pines, and when they visit her, they discover evidence that it was Sophia's old room, with clues to how she died.

^^ by now

Rose and Sophia show up at a random reunion masquerading as Cindy Lou Peeples and Mrs. Gonzales.

The mean girls turn them into ICE.

Blanche throws her back out twerking. Rose and Dorothy are resentful that they have to wait on her as she convalesces.

Sophia uses a very old photo on Match.Com and meets much younger men.

The girls all sing "Chandelier" at an Irritable Bowel Syndrome Benefit held at the Rusty Anchor.

Blanche is roofied by her Lyft driver, but is embarrassed when the dashcam footage shows he didn't bother to rape her. Sophia, Rose and Dorothy become baristas.

A-story: Rose becomes a Lyft driver and falls in love with an elderly man she drives to the cancer clinic every week.

B-story: Sophia buys a food truck and makes Dorothy and Blanche work selling "Grandma Sophia's Sicilian Subs," resulting in an assembly-line comedy scene capped with a food fight.

Dorothy is deeply hurt when Blanche, Rose, and Sophia set up a chat group that excludes her.

Blanche's ex-lover gets oral cancer caused by the HPV virus.

Rose and Blanche compete to see who will be on Miami's version of "Dancing With The Stars."

To Dorothy's consternation, Sophia starts speaking in Internet slang "LOL" "IMHO" "JK" "SMH" etc. etc.

The girls all try to qualify for weed cards when Florida opens its first legal dispensaries.

The girls travel to New York to try to score "Hamilton" tickets.

Unsuccessful, they instead see a "Mamas and the Papas" cover band somewhere on Long Island.

Blanche is grievously insulted when she sees that Rose has selected a very unflattering photo of her as an ID on her IPhone.

Dorothy and Sophia accidentally get involved in a Twitter flame war with Alec Baldwin.

The Reverse Golden Girls (Barbara Thorndyke, Freida Claxton's reanimated corpse, Virginia Hollingsworth and Aunt Angela) move across the street and how to make our Girls' lives a living he'll!

Hilarity ensues...

r51, Rose was Kim Fong Toy. "Different on outside, same on inside!" Dorothy was Cindy Lou "I'm queen! I'm QUEEN!" Peeples.

"Sick & Tired Part 3 & 4"

Frank Layhee leaves the priesthood after he's accused of molesting altar boys. Dorothy stands by his side, figuring it's just another misunderstanding.

Rose forgets her visiting grandson is gluten-sensitive and whips up a batch of Spearhooven Krispies. She takes calcium pills so she can stay up and take care of him, but it leaves her tired but with good bone density.

Sophia needs Depends. Blanche goes to WalMart and is insulted when the clerk thinks they're for her.

Dorothy once again explains electromagnetic radiation to Rose, and that's how the cellphone works without a cord.

Inspired by Blanche's daughter having a baby by artificial insemination, Dorothy decides to become a frequent sperm donor.

Rose is catfished by a 475 lb transsexual lesbian with a feminine penis.

Sophia travels to North Korea to set matters straight with Kim Jung Un regarding the Warmbier vendetta.

Blanche finds out she now has genital warts along with her herpes.

LMFAO!!!

[quote]Blanche starts using Dating Apps. She goes on J-Date and lies about being Jewish.

It's not that big of a lie when you think about it, just a little white one.

A very special episode. Dorothy's vaginal mesh surgery goes wrong.

Blanche finds the Grindr app on her Uncle Lucas' phone and she tells Dorothy. Lucas' fuck buddy ends up being Blanche's longtime fb, Mel Bushman.

After Rose botches the breaking story of nazi paraphernalia being found at Barbara Thorndyke's house, Enrique Das fires her. Dorothy suggests Rose update her rez-you-may in pencil.

Sophia has a hard time accepting her brother Angelo transitioning to Angela, especially since she already has a sister Angela.

Daisy bullies Rose over social media.

Season Finale Cliffhanger:

Blanche and Rose take a Nae Nae class down at Lawson's Dance Studio. Rose is a natural.

Dorothy takes Sophia to Disney World after Gladys Goldfiend passes away. Misplacing her glasses, Sophia doesn't see the Danger: Alligators sign and takes a dip in The Grand Floridian lagoon.

The girls celebrate Rose's birthday at Mr. Ha Ha's Hot Dog Hacienda. Not being able to face another day, Mr. Ha Ha brandishes a gun and holds the place hostage. After hours of negotiations, Al and Bobby finally take him out. George Clooney guest stars.

The girls binge watch "Girls" on HBO together.

They can't decide which of them is "Marnie."

Blanche is propositioned on Instagram by Tiger Woods.

Rose contemplates returning to St. Olaf for the town's bicentennial.

Sophia and Dorothy have a misunderstanding regarding Arugula.

A very special episode: Rose may be on the Autistic Spectrum

Michael and Lorraine rekindle their romance at a Black Lives Matter protest, much to Dorothy's chagrin. When Ma's Mouth II races at Hialeah, she falls off the wagon to cope.

Rose converts to Judaism to win back the heart of Dr. Jonathan Newman.

In a shocking two-parter, Kirsten shoots herself after a long night on Skype with Rose, trying to walk her mother through an iTunes update. Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia are excited about their new farm-to-table catering business but start to get on each others' nerves when they spend a day in a car-share trying to source the fresh klermfutruden Rose insists on for Kirsten's life-party.

R80, ROFLMAO

Jane Lynch (in a brunette wig) is hired by the producers to play Dorothy in flashback scenes.

After a night with Andre and his BBC, Blanche fervently joins black lives matter. Sophia, liking how the headscarf covers her hair and makes it unnecessary to wash it daily, becomes a Muslim. She goes nsane, bombs and massacres people at Shady Pines, shouting Babaloo Akbar, getting confused b/c Ricky Ricardo looked ethnic. Rose gets a teaching degree and works in a school for children of liberal Dems, where she fits right in. Dorothy decides to star in a reboot of an old tv series, Maude, and becomes an overnight success.

Over cheesecake, the girls debate the merits of Botox.

Adrienne Barbeau guest stars as Stanley's long lost illegitimate daughter. A shameless example of stunt casting!

[quote]Blanche fervently joins black lives matter.

More like Rose joins but thought she was joining "black livers matter"

Dorothy get the lesson of her life when Mr. Gordon comes back to reveal he's... Mrs. Gordon! Confused about her feelings, she ends up in bed with her. She immediately Face Time's Jean afterward for some girl talk and advice.

Rose once again finds herself as Blanche's Veedenflugen after she breaks her iPad and must plan a gender-reveal party for Rebecca's second child.

I have no plot ideas but there would be many delicious scenes of Dorothy and Sophia expressing scorn and contempt for millennials.

Sophia's geriatrician prescribes Lexapro for her mild depression.

But then the girls miss her acid one-liners, so Sophia agrees to be weaned off of the Lexapro.

One night after pounding down a few boilermakers at Wolfie's, Sophia hooks up with a jeweler named Schlomo and contracts an STI. Rose decides to become a herpetologist to try to help Sophia. Only after four years of study does she discover she's been studying frogs instead of sexually transmitted diseases, freaks out, and decides to take some caffeine pills to try to calm down. Instead, she ends up unable to sleep, and stays awake all night on a Skype session with Jean the lesbian, trying to figure out why Jean wants her to put a pair of scissors up to the computer screen.

Rose and Blanche become obsessed with writing "Hunger Games" fan fiction.

Dorothy buys a Prius and Sophia understandably concerned.

Rose struggles financially and agrees to partner with a hipster entrepreneur to serve St. Olaf style delicacies in the hipster's street food venture. Very fast Rose realizes that she and the hipster don't see eye to eye in many food related isssues and the hipster is getting pretty tired of her St. Olaf stories, but after Rose has a vivid dream of her and Paula Deen where Deen is encouraging Rose to enjoy and stick with the concept Rose finally comes around, but Rose being Rose ruins the franchise at its opening night by being too forthcoming with what the customers are eating.

Dorothy struggles with modern technology, especially social media. When she sees a girl being viciously mobbed in school when her boyfriend shares private pictures of her Dorothy goes mad and, as substitute teacher overstepping her authority level, demands that the school should ban all access to social media during school hours. Of course that makes her the most hated woman in town and she and the other girls struggle through some hilarity ensues backlash. In the end the school decides to fire Dorothy and it hurts Dorothy pretty badly, but Sophia tells her point blank "If you can't beat them! Join them!" and that gives Dorothy the idea to have her own youtube channel where she uploads clips of hers lecturing the viewers about how to treat each other with more respect. The youtube channel is a decents success, but Sophia mocks it anyway.

Blanche decides to give up sex after a one night stand asks a very, very offensive thing of her. The other girls try to guess what disgusting thing it was and talk about how sex has become so much more freakish and sad and lacking romance and mutual respect of their glory days. Of course Blanche cannot keep her vow after the one night stand assures her that it was all a misunderstanding and he feels very sorry.

Sophia is mad as hell when her healthcare plan is getting cut to the point where it doesn't provide for her medical needs. She and other senior citizens decide to demonstrate in front of the healthcare provider only to become a viral social media meme which Dororthy finds troubling at first but he comes around when the healthcare provider is forced, thanks to a social media backlash, to come up with a new and better plan for Sophia and her friends.

Sophia decides to become an Uber driver. Hilarity ensues, of course.

Rose discovers Yelp and gets mad with power!

Dorothy vs. Creationism

Blanche is told to get treated for sex addiction. She turns it around and tells them to stop sex shaming her.

The Golden Girls watch the first season of Ryan Murphy's Feud and take sides of who is the real bitch of the show.

The Golden Girls remember the first time they went to Burning Man. By accident, of course.

... which Dororthy finds troubling at first but SHE comes around

Rose sells her prized collection of Hinterflieben figurines on E-Bay and then regrets it.

Blanche finds that her Fit Bit is interfering with her sex life.

Sophia makes Minestrone and gives everyone the runs.

Stan stuns Dorothy with the revelation that he's spent his entire life as a woman trapped in a man's body. Dorothy accuses him of doing it for the attention, but after the first commercial break we cut to months later and Stan is now living life as "Helen." Dorothy turns to her estranged brother Phil (special guest star Caitlyn Jenner) for advice. When Stan/Helen's hormone regimen leaves her destitute, she moves in with the Girls and upsets everyone by eating up all the cheesecake.

Meanwhile, Rose becomes obsessed with the flooding threat to South Florida from global warming, and annoys Blanche by filling the lanai with inflatable rafts.

Blanche meets her cafe au lait half sister, Clementine. Apparently Big Daddy had been stepping out on Blanche's mom.

Blanche doesn't mind Big Daddy's adultery, but is jealous because her half sister is a dead ringer for Miss Halle Berry.

R96, Wow, I was just this moment trying to think of how to fit Caitlyn Jenner in as a guest star! lol

Dorothy has the perfect date with a what she thinks is a best selling author and when she gets home is horrified when a text from him that includes a dick pic, Blanche see's it and recognizes him as the usher of The Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater. Meanwhile Rose is attempting to market a delicious St Olaf fugenhugen cheese cake recipe that acts like and aphrodisiac once it's thawed.

Going green, Blanche removes the toilet paper rolls and installs a bidet. Sophia complains that the water from the new drinking fountain taste funny.

Sophia questions her cooking talent after she is criticised for cooking UNHEALTHY food by a mom blogger. But she quickly gets her Italian groove back when she destroys both the mom blogger and the mom's mom blogger with her rich pasta sauce a Petrillo.

Rose finds herself in a tricky situation when she is accused of being homophobic, racist, misogynistic, anti Jewish, anti American, and anti vaccine because of telling a single St. Olaf story from start to finish. It all gets resolved when Blanche provides a fake document that Rose is clinically insane but harmless.

Dorothy can't fathom to live in world where Donald Trump is president. She is contemplating to commit suicide, but gets taken off the ledge when the new Beauty Sleeves - Sleeves For The Refined Beauty fashion catalogue arrives at her doorstep.

Blanche is convinced that the new neighbor is a pale vampire who is madly in love with her, but it turns out that he's just Russian.

The girls take a class in Pole dancing.

[quote][R96], Wow, I was just this moment trying to think of how to fit Caitlyn Jenner in as a guest star! lol

We could have told you he had things backwards.

Blanche remembers the time she tried to get Andy Cohen interested in a Reality TV show about her and her roommates. But Andy declined and then released his first Real Housewives series.

After Obama unfreezes relations with Cuba, the girls are among the first travelers to Havana!

Blanche injures her back dancing Rumba. Sophia has a passionate affair with a 95 year old named Trinidad. Rose meets a former neighbor from St. Olaf who had immigrated back in 1958. Dorothy purchases many new and lovely scarves to add to her wardrobe.

Blanche's grandson finds her drawings of Toonder the Tiger and turns them into a flash cartoon. When Blanche does the voices, it makes her an instant celebrity…with furries! Then things get even more complicated when the furry fetishist Blanche meets at Comic-Con turns out to be a copyright lawyer delivering her with a subpoena for copyright infringement since they didn't get the rights. They manage to avoid a massive fine when the defense attorney proves the authors of the original books forgot to renew the copyright, so they are technically public domain. Then after it's over, Disney hires Blanche's grandson to work on the new version of [italic]DuckTales[/italic], so no more new Toonder Toons.

If the show took place today?

Blanche is dead. Sophia is dead. Dorothy is dead.

And for once the bowel movement left disgustingly in Rose's dressing room did not come from Dorothy.

Can we make cameos on sweeps like old times?

Blanche is dragged by her youngest niece to a pop concert and there she gives relationship advice to Taylor Swift.

Dorothy encourages a closeted gay teen student with great talent, played by K. J. Apa, to audition for a CW show.

Sophia goes head to head with celebrity chef John Bourdain and it ends with them waking up in bed together.

The girls mock Rose for becoming obsessed with the Lord of the Rings movies (what is this, the aughts?), but freak the fuck out when Elijah Wood shows up at their door step in full on Hobbit costume to thank Rose personally for her fan letter.

[quote]Dorothy encourages a closeted gay teen student with great talent, played by K. J. Apa, to audition for a CW show.

Wouldn't it be more likely to be a Disney Channel show, since Touchstone produced the original? That would actually make it more interesting not just because of the whole cross-promotional thing (and they did it all the time on the show with the [italic]Ruthless People[/italic] mention, the voice of Piglet playing Dorothy's boyfriend, Freddie Jackson's "soulful" version of "It's A Small World") but it would force them to deal with how Disney proper has been pussyfooting around the whole issue of openly gay characters in Disney-branded media, and though they finally broke the taboo, they still can't do better than villain's sidekicks and one-shot cameos on shows about to be cancelled.

The writers of GG attempt a classic French bedroom farce.

Blanche mistakenly sends a booty call text to James, not George. James mistakenly ends up in Rose's bedroom, not Blanche's.

Meanwhile, Dorothy sends a booty call text to both Richard and Samuel. (She had meant to text only Samuel. )

Samuel ends up in bed with Rose, and Richard ends up with Dorothy.

Naturally, hilarity ensues, but not before Sophia eats old cheesecake and gets the runs.

"Blanche is propositioned on Instagram by Tiger Woods."

Funniest line in the whole thread!!

The girls have a family cell phone, naturally, to save money.

Every month, the invoice has extra data charges due to Blanche's middle of the night booty calls.

After a heartfelt discussion over cheesecake, Blanche agrees to get her own cell phone plan.

The Golden Girls are now played by Kim Mi Kyung, Angela Bassett, and Rosie Perez.

"Rose is catfished by a 475 lb transsexual lesbian with a feminine penis."

Stephonknee, izzat youuuuuu?

I love them.

Dorothy, Blanche, Sophia and Rose all get doctor's recommendations for medical marijuana. Hilarity ensues.

Rose becomes a SJW, slaps Kellyanne Conway, and gets arrested.

Coco reappears, newly married to Ross Mathews.

Sophia drains her spaghetti.

Blanche survives a terror attack at the airport. She is shaken but not physically hurt.

Dorothy sees and takes a picture of the skunk ape while photographing orchids in the Everglades. She is invited to appear on an episode of Finding Bigfoot.

R116, that was gross.

I mean, the "Sophia" girl was way too fat.

Blanche takes up painting. With her first self portrait she revels her secret.

Dorothy and Rose are arrested protesting Keystone and become social media darlings. In a fit of pique Blanche decides her only recourse is to have vaginal rejuvenation surgery to make herself more attractive. She chickens out because none of the doctors are cute enough and Dorothy and Rose are trolled online by Sophia with her new secret Iphone.

This thread is all about language!

Saying "Dorothy is diagnosed with prostate cancer" 'is a lot funnier than showing a portrait of Blanche with a dick.

Shaniqualawanda has stated her boundaries.

The girls open a medical marijuana dispensary showcasing a St. Olaf strain -- Rosebud -- that makes them rich. But what happens when one of their customers gets high and eats Sophia's face?! Guest star: Terry Kiser.

After hitting her head hard on her bed's headboard (take a wild guess what she was doing in bed in that moment) Blanche thinks she is Gwyneth Paltrow. She annoys Rose and Dorothy so much that Dorothy begs Rose to tell a St. Olaf story to keep her from murdering Blanche. Then Sophia comes home from a busy day organizing the Church's Bingo tornament only to find Blanche trying to lecture Dorothy about self empowerment by wearing a lavender scented garlic neclace and all Sophia does is slap Blanche and says "Snap out of it, you floozy!" and Blanche is healed from her delusion of being Gwyneth.

Sophia claims that Steve Jobs died because she put a Sicilian curse on him. She had been displeased with her first IPhone.

Sophia sends the dog to search for a viable Democratic candidate for Congressional special elections.

Stevie Nicks get off my lanai.

It should have been a Sherman Brothers musical for the Wonderful World of Disney:

Dorothy: Annette Funicello

Sophia: Angela Lansbury

Rose: Helen Reddy

Blanche: Lesley Ann Warren

Not to rain on anyone's parade, but those of you who are referring to the Mr. Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater should know that its' been closed for over 20 years.

The girls all dress up as 1970s Elton John and sing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" at a Fundraiser for Yeast Infection Research.

[quote]The girls all dress up as 1970s Elton John and sing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" at a Fundraiser for Yeast Infection Research. —Musical number copied from a "One Day at a Time" episode 40 years earlier

You know they'd do it. I was the first to sing "Hard-Hearted Hannah."

Harvey Fierstein guest stars as himself. He and Dorothy perform a duet of "Do You Love Me" from Fiddler on the Roof at a Benefit for Comedone Research.

Sorry, make that ...a benefit for Cystic Acne Research.

Sophia makes a video of the cyst on her back getting popped and it gets millions of hits on YouTube.

R135, okay, that was what I call "pee in your pants" funny. The highest praise of all.

One of the ladies would serve as a surrogate to one of their children so we could have the 9 months of hysterical jokes of a 60 year old pregnant woman.

Adam Lambert guest stars as himself. He and Sophia sing a duet of "What Do You Want From Me" (only with a New York accent ) at an event for Hangnail Awareness.

R120 no wonder Blanche was always so horned up.

Clay and Doug decide to spice up their love life and hook up with a guy off Grindr. Turns out it's Coco, who's on Prep and likes it bare, leaving the couple to question what they are doing.

Rose goes to Urgent Care after she loses a crown and the only dentist on call is her old pervy one, Lou.

Blanche finds a Miami hairstylist who to give her the "Rachel."

Sophia has an accident in her spin class.

Dorothy stages an intervention when Rose becomes addicted to playing Words With Friends: Rose will neither eat nor sleep, and she wears adult diapers so that she doesn't to take bathroom breaks.

Blanche finds a Miami hairstylist who to give her the "Rachel."

If the show took place today, R141, not two years after it went off the air.

Rose is injured while playing Pokemon Go. She becomes addicted to Oxycontin.

Sophia begins selling her pasta sauce on eBay until she's shut down by the FDA.

Dorothy and Blanche vie for the lead role in the Community Playhouse's production of "Mame," but the role goes to Phyllis Hammerow. Blanche is cast as Vera, and Dorothy as Beau.

Blanche is accused of sucking the blood of young guys and dealing with their blood when she is overheard of having a conversation with Peter Thiel.

Sophia starts her own cooking show.

Rose decides to give online dating a chance but sets up a Grindr profile by accident (I though it meant GRAN Dating!"

Dorothy joins a hipster circle of friends, but they disapprove of Rose, because she mistakes the hipsters as farm hands. And Dorothy has to make choice.

Episode 1

Sophia moves in after Shady Pines is blown up in an Islamic terrorist attack. “Metamucil-akbar!”

Unable to afford to move out, all of Blanche’s kids still live at home with the girl. Sophia is forced to share a bed with Rebecca (the fat one not the pregnant one). Every time Sophia goes in for one of her signature one-liners Rebecca stops her and whines about “fat-shaming” and “unchecked thin privilege”.

Episode 2

Blanche handcuffs herself to a soon to be demolished Confederate monument until she and Dorothy have a heart to heart conversation.

Sophia tries out a new wasabi marinara recipe.

Episode 3

Rose and Blanche organise a charity benefit for Black Lives Matter, but end up blowing a the whole budget on pastel sequins. Riots ensue.

Dorothy tries to find yoga pants that flatter her dick.

Episode 4

Tensions rise as the girls discuss who they voted for in the election. Blanche and Sophia voted Trump; Dorothy wrote in Bernie. Rose was unaware there was an election going on and manages to soothe the trouble by dressing up as Melania and singing in a Slovenian accent.

Rose tells the story of St Olaf’s equivalent to Uber — a donkey named Klaus.

Episode 5

Clayton and his boyfriend — Peter Thiel in a cameo — arrive in town and ask Blanche to be their surrogate.

The girls recreate their famous “pearls or chain” debate but instead substitute in Instagram filters. Both Blanche and Rose agree that nothing can save Dorothy’s selfies. “Neither! I’m going to post a photo of my avocado frappuccino!” Dorothy shouts.

Episode 6

Sophia meets a younger man online — but there’s a problem: she’s been heavily Photoshopping her selfies and he thinks she only twenty-five years old.

Rose tries to alter her log cake recipe to fight childhood obesity.

Episode 7

Dorothy gets a new friend, Barbara Thorndyke. Not a novelist; she simply posts anti-semitic posts about white genocide on 4chan.

Blanche’s son and his wife sue Sophia for slapping David.

Episode 8

Rose is addicted is crystal meth. But with the only insurer in her state not providing treatment and not enough money to pay for it herself she and the girls are forced to play a three month long game of St Olaf monopoly until she gradually withdraws.

Sophia comes to terms with Phil’s transition.

Episode 9

Blanche stuffs her booty instead of her bosom when auditioning when a role alongside Patrick Vaughn.

No one at the high school believes Dorothy is really a woman when she tries to use the ladies’ room.

Episode 10

Stan’s cousin Magda arrives from Eastern Europe. She tries telling Dorothy how free trade makes everyone richer until Dorothy tells her to read Kelly Ripa’s autobiography. She becomes a strong critic of NAFTA and later becomes the fourth Mrs Trump.

Rose contracts AIDS. No big deal, she just takes a pill.

Episode 11

Blanche has a talk with her niece, Lucy (Taylor Swift in her acting debut), about her smutty Instagram modelling.

Rose is shocked when she discovers Miles is on Tinder under another name.

Episode 12

After an Airbnb mix-up the girls are forced to spend a night with three misogynistic younger men.

Sophia rejoices when Florida legalised medicinal marijuana.

Episode 13

Sophia supports Lillian’s decision to fly to Oregon for assisted suicide.

Tired up the girls mocking her stupidity, Rose demands a safe space.

Episode 14

Sophie discovers they’re filming a reality show at Shady Pines and tries to get herself recommitted.

Dorothy punches up Rose’s resume on Linkedin.

Episode 15

After a quick browse of WebMD Dorothy diagnosis herself with fraubymaglia. (Her hand is just strong enough to lift to her iPhone). She demands the girls bring her cheesecake in bed.

Blanche drinks a Thai energy drink and stays up all night writing a Fifty Shades of Grey fanfic.

Episode 16

When the girls read about the relation between vaccines and autism they become convinced that Sophia’s gotten autism since getting one — until they discover she’s just being a bitch.

The CIA start spying on the girls' fridge and wonder why they eat a whole cheesecake every single night.

Episode 17

Rose suffers from PTSD after witnessing a bomb on her way home from an Ariana Grande concert.

Sophia starts mining bitcoin.

Episode 18

Dorothy’s old friend John has arrived — only now her name is Jean. She threatens to kill herself when Rose refuses to have sex with her.

Blanche becomes addicted to Twitter.

Episode 19

After discovering a famous artist is about to die the girls accidentally get into a bidding war on eBay and end up paying $10,000 for a painting of his.

The girls try to uncover who all the dick-pics on Dorothy’s iCloud belong to… it couldn’t be…

Episode 20

Dorothy discovers an illegal immigrant is claiming Wheels on Meals. “That’s not for you!” She then helps the elderly, obese gay man — who still thinks its the ‘80s and spends his days posting on a gay forum about TV shows that ended decades ago — out of his apartment for the first time in years.

The Girls remember the time when were guest judges of an episode of RuPaul Drag Race. it was all a crazy accident since they wanted to go to a Barry Manilow concert but took the wrong turn and ended up at the Drag Race Studio. Rose is still convinced that the contestants were all women which causes Dorothy to give her the "Are you for real?" look.

Over a gluten-free cheesecake, the girls recall their first online dating experiences (scenes are new, not flashbacks a la The Mother's Day Show, The Losing Weight Shiow etc...)

Who among the girls is most likely to be a deplorable?

Likeliest - Blanche

Unlikeliest - Dorothy

Rose would be most likely a Deplorable, but without knowing the full extent of what it means to be a Deplorable. After all she was the one who shot a vase, because she felt safer with a gun in her home after they were burgled.

Episode 21

Blanche attends a tech seminar to meet men. But just after turning down a man she discovers he’d sold his start-up for $360 million.

Rose writes a letter to President Assad to commending his fight against ISIS — unfortunately they think Rose is eight years old.

Episode 22

Dorothy is tricked into ghostwriting Buzzfeed posts for an old friend.

After stalking an old flame on Facebook Blanche agrees to go out with him — only to find he wasn’t the man she was stalking and he’d actually really let himself go.

Blanche's niece, Lucy, comes to Miami to recruit more men for her live cam shows.

When Dorothy gets wind that Sy the commercial director is doing one for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, she auditions with her Dr. Budd monologue and nabs the part.

Blanche refers to Dr. Oz and how great he looks in scrubs with just a little bit of chest hair showing.

Rose catches Blanche snooping in her IPhone.

She is so upset that she considers leaving Blanche's place for good. Many sentimental flashbacks are shown (from years past....the producers cheaped out) and Rose realizes that she cannot leave her dear friends.

She forgives Blanche, but henceforth, her IPhone is double password protected at all times.

Dorothy reveals a secret from her past: Bill Cosby once slipped her a Quaalude..

Sophia is convinced that Whole Foods has stolen her secret Minestrone recipe.

Blanche claims that in her youth she was a dead ringer for "Miss Kelly Ripa" except Blanche's bosoms were perkier.

Before posting season two, we need to decide who are the modern equivalents to those '80s celebs -- e.g. Angie Dickinson, Vanna White, Burt Reynolds, John Forsythe.

I assume Joan Collins is still Joan Collins.

Blanche uploads a video to YouPorn entitled " 50 Shades of Grey Hair."

Dorothy barges in on Sofia's strip poker game with Mickey Rooney and takes the cards away, Sofia says, Who do you think you are, Donald Trump? You're not the President!!

Magda comes up with a great way to get rid of the President: Turn Melania in to Secret Police. She turned her in to Secret police, no more to tell.

I want to hear R145's St. Olaf story of the donkey named Klaus!

In an attempt to launch a spinoff with more youth appeal, action shifts in this episode to the Girls' new next-door neighbors, the interracial, millennial gay couple Brayden (Chris Colfer) and J-Dog (Sam Richardson). Only Sophia makes a brief appearance, outraging the young marrieds with a deeply inappropriate question ("Which one of you tinkerbells is the wife?").

Sophia convinces Rose to turn the garage into a grow room for cannabis.

[quote]Dorothy barges in on Sofia's strip poker game with Mickey Rooney and takes the cards away, Sofia says, Who do you think you are, Donald Trump? You're not the President!

Mr. Rooney is no longer with us.

Then get Jim Dale to do it.

R169 neither is Dorothy or Sofia?

Nor are the Misses Arthur, McClanahan and Getty, R169.

This is all just idle, speculative fun.

When Sophia forgets to take her placebo pill, she accidentally rams the Meals on Wheels van into a crowd of people and is arrested for terrorism. Dorothy sends over the bail a a few hours later after she gets out of Loni Anderson's one woman show.

Rose is thrilled when Charlie Jr. announces his engagement to a lovely girl from St. Gustof. Her happiness is short-lived when she finds out it's former hooker, Meg.

The girls are anguished over the upcoming TurtleCare, Mitch McConnell's health care bill.

[quote]Dorothy sends over the bail a a few hours later after she gets out of Loni Anderson's one woman show.

So they're just going to ignore Loni doing a year on [italic]Nurses[/italic]?

Hey Jeff, thanks for getting my car streak free yesterday!

I love you, R176.

After refusing Sophia's homemade insect repellent (olive oil, tabasco sauce and a special ingredient she had to order online), Dorothy gets bitten by a mosquito and gets malaria.

Dorothy ends up in Oz after a hurricane and a tornado both hit Miami the night [italic]The Wizard of Oz[/italic] airs on TV . It's also an [italic]Empty Nest[/italic] crossover since we need them to fill some of the roles, and the B-plot is about Rose dogsitting Dreyfuss for the Westons again.

The Scarecrow: Rose

The Tin Man: Blanche

The Cowardly Lion: Dr. Harry Weston

Toto: Dreyfuss

The Good Witch of The South: Laverne Todd

The Wicked Witch: Mrs. Claxton

The Head Flying Monkey: Charlie Dietz

The Wizard: Sophia

The Mayor of Munchkinland: Dr. Jonathan Newman

The Guard at the Gates of Emerald City: Barbara Weston

These are hilarious!

R180, yep! The one that mentioned a "Safe Space" for Rose was my fave.

Blanche learns what a "muffin top" is, and is deeply offended.

Miss Kristen Chenoweth (Of Oklahoma, just like Rue Mac) guest stars as Blanches's great niece. Somehow, a musical number is worked into the plot.

R181, the "Save Space" for Rose was the best!

I mean R148: your "Safe Space" for Rose was the best!

Rose and Blanche's friendship is put to the test when Rose sends Blanche a PM "Happy Birthday" message on FB instead of posting on her wall.

Blanche explains, in her inimitable Southern accent, that posting on one's wall, and showing off to other people is what FB is all about.

Wanting a big, open kitchen like the rest of the south, the girls decide to tear down the wall to the living room and recall all the good times they've had in the kitchen over a peanut butter cheesecake. Rose finds out she's suddenly allergic to peanuts. Dorothy drafts a memo in pencil for her to bring to work asking everyone not bring anything with peanuts in it.

Image Consultants Pat and Cathy return and take "We don't believe in labels" to the next level: the duo announce they are non-binary.

In a backdoor pilot attempt, Dorothy's friend Jean relocates to Miami and moves in with Pat and Cathy, who have a room for rent. Florence Stanley co-stars as the deadpan next door neighbor. Working Title: The Carpetbaggers

Sophia is embarrassed when Dorothy finds her list of PINs, particularly these:

DOROTHY*$@SUCKS123 AND

I**HATE##DOROTHY456

The Cheeseman finds out he's lactose intolerant and changes his name to Lactaidman. After a jail break, he stalk Rose and Miles. Rose knocks him out with her old butter churner. Kirsty MacNichol comes out of retirement to reprise the role of Barbara.

Blanche's new beau, Norman Deutschmeister, has a lap band surgery in order to get his Type 2 Diabetes under control.

The girls get into "house flipping." To no one's surprise, they find a great demand for tastefully decorated pastel decor!

Dorothy records an album of duets with Mr. William Shatner.

Sophia gets hipster eyeglass frames.

The girls become tennis fans, and Sophia makes jokes about Rafael Nadal and his never ending wedgie.

Dorothy joins an on-line support group for women over 6 feet tall.

The support she fines on line is of great comfort to her.

Dorothy and Rose write a new song about Miami that becomes a youtube sensation.

The girls learn the meaning of "slut shaming" and thus can no longer mock Blanche in good conscience.

R198, yes, and it does not contain the word "inter-uterine"!

Dorothy joins Antifa to protest an alt-right rally where the featured speaker is Barbara Thorndyke, Breitbart's literary editor. Unfortunately, despite her "black bloc" getup, her height gives her away and Barbara ridicules her as a cuck, thus undermining her femininity for the millionth time. Enraged, Dorothy screams, "WOMEN CAN'T BE CUCKS, YOU FASCIST COW!" Then she sprays Barbara in the face with what she thinks is mace but turns out to be Simply Saline.

The girls go to LA and try to get tickets to see "Ellen."

Rose opens a Chaturbate account and gets a rude awakening when she realizes it's not for chatting with people.

Rose joins a "If You Lived In St. Olaf" FB Group.

She starts meeting former Olafians who now reside in Boca and Delray Beach.

Dorothy buys Sophia an iPad but carelessly syncs it to her iPhone, thus giving Sophia hours of entertainment reading steamy sexts and looking at dick pics from Dorothy's third-grade nemesis, Mark Perper, with whom she has reconnected on Tinder. She also discovers that Dorothy has started shaving "down there."

Sophia stalks her own daughter on social media and gets quite a few jokes and punchlines out of it. Of course a quick "Shady Pines, Ma" from Dorothy puts a stop to it.

In a very special episode Blanche meets a former lover, who is 30 years younger that her, of hers who accuses her of raping him when he was still a virgin and as he realizes now, not yet ready for sex. She saves face by turning it around that she gave him the gift of greater understanding and that he should feel lucky that he was deflowered by a Southern Lady and not some common Yanky slut and the audience cheers.

In another very special episode Dorothy struggles with memory loss. When she can't remember one of her own nieces she doubts she can go on in her profession as substitute teacher. The other girls are very concerned about her. But Doctor Phil saves the day and also breaks her dry spell record in the bedroom, if you know what I mean *wink*.

Rose wants to climb the Mount Averest to prove that she is still an active person even in her senior years. But when she realizes how much stuff she has to carry around to keep her safe and warm she just chooses to take a Yoga class instead. Of course the other girls join her and hilarity ensues. They all get thrown out when Rose disrupt everybody else's chi by telling a St. Olaf story.

Once again the girls struggle with living together in such a small space so they decide to do one of those Escape Room Team Building exercises. Hilarity ensues and the group rejoices when Rose saves the day with one of her St. Olaf stories.

Blanche gets addicted to watching cute animal videos on youtube. The girls get really concerned when they find out that Blanche bailed on several dates. They cure her from her addiction by luring her to an animal shelter where she falls head over heels for the guy who runs the place.

We now have more suggested plots than there are actual [italic]Golden Girls[/italic] AND [italic]Golden Palace[/italic] episodes put together.

[quote] Dorothy joins Antifa to protest an alt-right rally where the featured speaker is Barbara Thorndyke, Breitbart's literary editor. Unfortunately, despite her "black bloc" getup, her height gives her away and Barbara ridicules her as a cuck, thus undermining her femininity for the millionth time. Enraged, Dorothy screams, "WOMEN CAN'T BE CUCKS, YOU FASCIST COW!" Then she sprays Barbara in the face with what she thinks is mace but turns out to be Simply Saline.

That's more of a Maude sort of thing. Or Julia Sugarbaker.

[quote] Image Consultants Pat and Cathy return and take "We don't believe in labels" to the next level: the duo announce they are non-binary.

Jean the Lesbian, who does believe in labels as long as they're accurate, gets bounced off a website for complaining about the increasing attacks on and censorship of lesbians and gay men on a supposedly all-inclusive FB page.

Oh, God, not Julia Sugarbaker.

Nothing can kill a great Golden Girls thread like someone bringing up Designing Women.

Dorothy doing that just seems so out of character.

I think Dorothy wouldn't go to great lenghts to get into a bitchfight with someone else. She'd just dismiss someone with a simple "move along, tramp / floozy / bigot / to Shady Pines, Ma!".

The ladies take a short trip up to Mar-A-Lago for a Saturday brunch, going as guests with Dr. Weston who is a club member. It just happens to be a weekend the Trump entourage is there for a mini-retreat..

Rose ends up taking a stroll around the golf course with Steve Bannon, who really likes her. Dorothy, politically motivated, is escorted away by the Secret Service after she rips into Sean Spicer. Sophia places an old country hex on Mike Pence.

Blanche ends up getting grabbed by the pussy by you know who.

When the girls get back home that evening, reminiscing at the kitchen table while having chocolate cake that the Mar-A-Lago chef had given them as a departing gift, it was apparent Blanche, all giddy, had the most enjoyable time.

Thank you for being a facebook friend Scrolled up your page and down again Your links are true your a pal and a confidant And if you posted a message Tagged everyone you ever knew You would see the most upvoted would be from me And the comment below would say thank you for being a facebook friend

Eek. With formatting:

Thank you for being a facebook friend

Scrolled up your page and down again

Your links are true your a pal and a confidant

And if you posted a message

Tagged everyone you ever knew

You would see the most upvoted would be from me

And the comment below would say thank you for being a facebook friend

Glenn close guest stars as Theodora Cummerbund and Meryl as Vanessa Pfefferschmalz, two rivals who are vying for a seat on the local Miami School Board.

Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia enjoy ever so much having their butts kissed by Theodora and Vanessa, who are ravenous for the ladies' votes.

And, in the above episode, Bea, Rue, Betty, and Estelle show that they can MORE than hold their own in a scene with M and G.

Good one, R215.

Dorothy's brother, Phil, is murdered under mysterious circumstances, and his estranged wife isn't forthcoming when asked for details. It is later revealed that he was transitioning to female and was killed while turning tricks to pay for the surgery. Meanwhile Blanche and Rose volunteer at an animal shelter. Special guest stars Brenda Vacarro and Laverne Cox,

Sorry, if this is off thread.......... but just wanted to share this with you, as someone old enough to have watched the first season of the GG, 1985-1986, on Saturday nights:

So, you have to imagine what it was like when you only got to see the GGs once a week, on Sat. at 9 pm. (Not twice a day, seven days a week!)

I remember a friend holding a party on a Sat. night and her neighbor (a single Afr-Am woman in her late 30s) declined the invite. Why: She just couldn't miss seeing her Sophia on a Saturday night.

The girls are perplexed when a drone flies onto the Lanai.

Rose stays up all night knitting pink "pussy" caps for the Women's March on Washington.

The girls take a "Kabalah" class together. They all wear red string wristlets. Blanche adopts "Hadassah" as her Kabalah name.

Rose adopts the name "Nudnik."

Sophia adopts the name "Sarah."

Dorothy adopts the name "Moshe."

R220 That was back in the day when the networks actually programmed on Saturdays. And GOOD stuff, too.

Blanche's gay brother Clay, who is now divorced, was visiting and so happens Dorothy broke son is also (the one who married the black woman). Clay unexpectedly fell for the Dorothy's straight son, who let himself be seduced by the older gay man. Hilarity ensues when Rose accidentally saw Clay going down on Dorothy's son. The two explained Clay was just looking for a coin who dropped.

Which one of the ladies would have hand the transgendered kid? Not cross dresser but going full Caitlyn

R227, a future Broadway musical "The Full Caitlyn"!

[quote] Nothing can kill a great Golden Girls thread like someone bringing up Designing Women.

And the either/ors kill threads about both of them while taking the [italic]Facts of Life[/italic] threads down with them on the way.

Save the tranny crap for [italic]The Bold and the Beautiful[/italic].

After a trip to a doctor to find out what is causing the rash on random spots on her body, Blanche learns she's allergic to gluten. She's relieved it's not an STD, but it also means the girls can no longer keep buying cheesecake at the grocery store; they have to bake them themselves out of a paleo cookbook from now on. Meanwhile, Sophia tries to find a gluten-free pasta that doesn't taste like a pipe cleaner with diet marinara sauce. She is about to throw in the towel until her Japanese gardener friend introduces her to Shirataki noodles made with yam flour.

The girls try a new cheesecake with a quinoa base from Fresh Direct.

The girls realize that each is spending too much time on Social Media and Netflix, alone on her own tablet.

So, they decide to have boar game night (no electronic devices allowed) once a week.

St. Olaf Monopoly is a favorite, as is Sexual Slang Scrabble.

So sorry: Board Game night!!!

I call it BORED game night.

Dorothy's hairstylist encourages her to try the "ombre" look for grey hair.

Salt and pepper on the top.....pepper and salt on the bottom.

Followup to R135,

After Sophia's back cyst video becomes a hit, Sophia is hotly pursued by several dermatologists who have pimple popping channels on YT.

Sophia appears in many videos and becomes fabulously wealthy.

Sophia is embarrassed when she is criticized for being too slow at the Self Checkout Line at the Safeway.

She considers this "Elder Shaming" and retaliates by hacking into Safeway's website and drawing wieners and balls on all of the faces of the key executives.

"Sophia Gets Woke": After Sophia falls asleep at the wheel and totals Dorothy's new SUV, a U of M sorority girl who volunteers at the senior center hooks her up with Adderall. She discovers she has a knack for cleaning and organizing, which the girls appreciate until they find her scrubbing Blanche's Sybian machine with a toothbrush.

[quote]until they find her scrubbing Blanche's Sybian machine with a toothbrush.

Rose: That was one of Sally Field's breakout roles, wasn't it? Where she played a multiple personality?

Dorothy: That was Sybil, Rose.

Sophia: Yeah, if you had multiple personalities, maybe at least one of them would have a brain!

Dorothy has her annual physical and is told that she has both osteoporosis and osteopenia.

When she gives her dear friends this upsetting news, Rose inquires if that is why she hasn't had a date in such a long time.

I'm sure the producers had to sift through thousands of terrible spec scripts to find one halfway decent one.

With the creation of the Eurozone, Sophia's old relatives in Sicily start to migrate to Germany.

Sophia is not thrilled with this, but she allows that Germany has excellent beer.

The girls experiment with Restylane.

Blanche treats herself to a nipple ring.

And what does that do to the morale of our boys overseas?

Dorothy and Blanche get into a tiff when Dorothy points out that she always 'Likes" all of Blanche's FB posts, and Blanche does not do the same for her.

Blanche, in an attempt to defend herself points out that "I'm sorry Dor-A-Thy, but my posts are just more in-ter-es-ting than yours."

Hurt feelings ensue.

Sophia comforts her daughter by saying "I know it hurts, Pussycat."

The girls share a cheesecake, a stupid St. Olaf story is told, and Blanche and Dorothy bury the hatchet.

Dorothy also admits to herself that her posts are fairly dull.

Blanche becomes addicted to Caramel Macchiatos. She must have one every day with her cheesecake.

This habit is getting expensive, not to mention that it is interfering with her beauty sleep!

Fortunately, Miami has a chapter of C.A. - Caffeine-oholics, and Blanche is able to embrace the Twelve Step method.

Blanche stops referring to Northerners as "Yankees", recognizing that it could be considered a form of hate speech.

Dorothy promises herself that she will never think of Blanche as a "Cracker" again.

Rose's Blog on Furdenblissen Dumplings is a great success!

Sophia becomes a certified Zumba instructor.

Rose is harassed by PETA for making a chicken play the piano and keeping a pig in the house.

WTF! Please help me. I am serious.

I just paid my $18.00 to join DL, well $1.50 a month, whatever, this afternoon.

I only this moment accidentally deleted all of my silly GG plot suggestions that I have written today. Does anyone know if I can retrieve them?

Blanche becomes addicted to Caramel Macchiatos.

Cuntitude alert at r242.

When Blanche's teacher tells her she must sleep with him in order to pass, she hires Gloria Allred.

Dorothy tries to help agoraphobic Jimmy, whose apartment is decorated all 80s, leave his apartment once again for the first time in over thirty years.

Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, Betty White, and Estelle Getty leave the set of the Golden Girls in a hurry and demand from the showunner to change the name of the show after they saw a movie on the internet called The Golden Showers of the Golden Girls.

After the humiliation of being "outed" as a masculine presenting gender non-binary on Wake Up Miami, Dorothy kills Rose by jamming a rice krispie log down her throat and livestreams the murder on Facebook. She gets sentenced to life in prison in Attica, but two years later gets sprung when they find out she's actually a cis-woman.

When St. Olafians find out about Rose's death, they set up a GoFundMe and raise $50,000 to erect a statue in her honor. When it's subsequently discovered that they actually already had $500,000 in an emergency statue fund, the Twitterverse goes berserk and demands everyone get refunded.

With Dorothy and Rose gone, Blanche invites Pat and Kathy to move in, and the three invest in an image consulting start up. Frieda Claxton spies on the three of them in a sex romp in Blanche's bedroom and reports it to the authorities.

Sophia is invited to move to Japan by her gardener, but unknowingly is brought to North Korea and made into a granny sex slave for the perverted Kim Jong Un. Hilarity ensues.

Please ignore R253. I figured it out.

Dorothy's "mixed" grandchild from, like, Season One finally comes into her life. She is played by Miss Zoe Kravitz.

Rose tries "Japanese Hair Straightening" and the results are not pretty. Fortunately, she still has those killer dimples.

Blanche undergoes cataract surgery, and the girls wonder why Bill Cosby does not do the same.

Rose and Blanche are disappointed when "Duck Dynasty" goes off the air.

Rose and Dorothy get in a Twitter beef.

Blanche gets the HPV vaccine.

Blanche discovers that she looks quite good in Jeggings.

The girls are starting to get Type 2 Diabetes and high cholesterol.

So, instead of gathering in the kitchen to eat cheesecake, they go to their favorite Korean nail salon and get mani-pedis together.

Sophia goes ballistic when she is called a "Guidette" on Twitter.

Rose goes job hunting on the internet and discovers she can make $3,700 and hour and what happened next will amaze you!

The Donatello Triplets release their new album on Spotify and ask Sophia to be their tour manager.

Stan gets hair plugs. Ben Affleck guest stars.

The real Kim Fong Toy catches up with Rose and tricks her into thinking she's an exchange student from St. Olaf to get back at her for impersonating her at her own high school reunion.

The girls adopt a Malti-Poo.

Unfortunately, they have difficulty training him, and he gets poop all over the Lanai.

Dorothy buys a juicer and enjoy making vegetable smoothies for her roomies.

Sophia informs her that they taste like "liquid crap."

R270. Ben Affleck has a short but passionate affair with Betty White when he guest stars.

He takes Betty to Vegas where the two of them clean up at Blackjack.

Blanche discovers that people have been talking about the girls on DataLounge. Sophia pays $18 of the $20 she slipped out of Dorothy's purse and instantly becomes one of DL's most hated trolls, making all the other trolls jealous.

R275, LMAO.

Rose gets hooked on The Bold and the Beautiful.

Sophia's gentleman friend from the Senior Center, Irving, is a hoarder.

The girls stage an intervention and remove 70 years of the Miami Herald from his apartment.

Blanche becomes a Harry Potter fan and develops a crush on Snape whom she finds "sexily brooding."

Rose bakes a tofu cheesecake and everyone gets the runs.

In a very special one-hour episode, Sophia spikes the cheesecake with some LSD she managed to buy from her great-grandson. Rose travels to Wonderland in a groundbreaking sequence mixing live-action and animation. The tea party with the Mad Hatter (Stan) and the March Hare (Miles) turns into a freakout after she looks into a teacup and sees the faces of all the gods at once, drinks the cup, eats the liquid, and turns into the Dormouse. Then, the Cheshire Cat (Dorothy) tries to chase her through Wonderland, uprooting the Red Queen's (Blanche) roses. When Rose comes to, she wakes up at Mardi Gras with the aftertaste of bourbon and andouille sausage. Then she scores some Molly, hooks up with some fratboys from LSU, and makes the word "Badunkadunk" her mantra from then until the time she gets back to Miami and until Dorothy hits her over the head with the newspaper. And in this case, it happens to be the entire Sunday New York Times, so she passes out and ends up back in Wonderland. There she has to fight the Jabberwocky and the Snarks, so she bores them to death with a St. Olaf story about Güntër Vinüggënbüggëndüggënlüggën, St. Olaf's third gayest florist. When she comes to, she's in the hospital being treated for a concussion by special guest star Loni Anderson. So between the LSD, the Molly and the concussion, she balances out back to the exact same mental state she was at before. Pass the cheesecake…

The girls have trouble finding a theater in Miami that is playing "Fifty Shades of Grey."

The girls have Mexican food from Chuy Castillos' new taco truck. The next morning, Sophia lets out a huge fart in church in front of a bunch of lit candles and they're stuck with the tab for repairs when the place goes up in flames. They have to use all the money they made selling the Golden Palace to a Chinese investor who also bought the rights to the Zbornie after Stan faked his death.

Rose reminisces, over cheesecake, naturally, that in her teens she sang backup in a blue eyed soul quartet called Sigrid Lindstrom and the Lingoberries.

Sophia enters and wins a contest to be the 5th host on the View.

She is honored to be the oldest woman ever to host that show.

Unfortunately, Whoopi Goldberg passes gas right in her face, and Sophia must be rushed to New York Presbyterian.

Dorothy's sister Gloria gets remarried…to her old friend Jean!

Blanche goes back to Chattanooga for her cousin's funeral, but she ends up in jail when she learns there is still a warrant for her arrest for a long-ago morals charge. She has to hire an ACLU attorney to get the charges dropped on a technicality, but Blanche is afraid that doing so will reveal her real age. In addition, the Judge, who is running for re-election on a "Family Values" platform, rejects the plea for a change of venue to Miami, causing her to miss her date with Mel Bushman. She decides to fight it in court. She loses, but only has to pay a small fine and take three personal hygiene classes. She seduces the judge to convince him to let her take the classes in Miami.

The B-plot involves Rose buying a GoPro and taking it with her everywhere, much to Dorothy and Sophia's annoyance. After she goes to Chattanooga to bail Blanche out of jail, she uses it to blackmail the judge into suspending her sentence. Rose gets it all on tape and threatens to upload it to YouTube unless he does. The judge complies and dismisses the case entirely. Rose pushes what she believes is the "erase" button, but instead she uploads the video to YouTube. The judge's marriage and career are ruined, but Blanche gets off scot-free.

Rose takes an Adult Ed class in "Gender Studies" at U Miami.

After a hurricane uproots the tree in what used to be Mrs. Claxton's yard, the rain is so intense that it reveals what turns out to be the shallow grave of Mr. Claxton. The girls ask Harry Weston what to do, and he says, "who am I, David Caruso?" So they call the police, and their forensic investigator proves not only is it Mr. Claxton, but research reveals that he had been reported missing several years before. Tests show he died from arsenic poisoning. The girls conclude that Mrs. Claxton murdered Mr. Claxton and got away with it, and if she hadn't followed Rose's advice and dropped dead, she might have gone to jail had she still been alive. Rose helped her beat the rap. This presents her with an even greater moral conundrum: is it wrong to kill a murderer?

When their never seen housekeeper, Beulah, is arrested for non payment of a student loan, the girls have a soul searching discussion of white privilege.

The girls' ex-boyfriends start a support group. Things turn tragic as Ham Lushbaugh sits on Dr. Jonathan Neuman

Sophia: Now I know why Jews don't eat ham!

Dorothy is asked "How's the weather up there?" and feels she has been the victim of a micro-agression.

Blanche meets a yogi and when they start dating, she decides to become more spiritual and less materialistic, so she starts selling off possessions to live a simpler lifestyle. But she crosses the line when she starts pressuring the other girls to do the same. Then Rose discovers he's also fooling around with a lot of other women and proves it to Blanche. She tries to buy back the stuff she sold, but she ends up paying twice what she sold it for in some cases, while some of her Civil War historical artifacts ended up in museums.

Rose: Did you also meet Boo-Boo and Ranger Smith?

Dorothy borrows Blanche's Macbook to search for teaching gigs while the iPad is in the shop (Sophia dropped it in a pot of marinara sauce while trying to make a Giada di Laurentiis recipe). Almost immediately, she pulls up porn from Blanche's browser history and recognizes a familiar face: her old frenemy Trudy. A mover and shaker in local GOP circles, she also has an XTube channel featuring her with lots of hot younger guys ... sometimes more than one at a time.

Still stewing after Trudy called her a "snowflake spinster" during an argument over the election, Dorothy (a regular at the Drag Race subreddit) posts a link to the videos on Trudy's social media accounts with the message "YOU JUST GOT DRAGGED, HUNTY."

Series Finale

The girls stuck together three thick and thin until the Clinton/Trump elections. Things got so bad Barbara was called when Dorothy tried to strange Rose. Sophia went back to Shady Pines and everyone went their separate ways.

Donald Trump makes a season finale guest appearance as an Austrian genito-urinary specialist who tries to explain to Dorothy how it is possible to fashion her a functional penis from loose skin on the back of her upper arm.... with hilarious consequences.

The Girls try to raise Merv Griffin from the dead when an unearthed prophecy from Jean Dixon reveals Merv really is the Anti-Trump and is the only person who can defeat him.

Margyareet returns and informs Blanche they are half sisters and the result of Mammy's affair with Big Daddy. When Blanche faints, Margyareet revives her with a Chanel No. 5 smelling salt. Blanche has trouble coping with the news.

Bamburger's closes as a result of declining retail and Angela moves to Miami to start over. She makes a GoFundMe page to sell her own cosmectics line. Being old school, Sophia writes her a check but it bounces and their feud starts all over again.

Bamberger's of Newark? You failed the thread R298.

R296 Genito-urinary is the word of the day!

"Miami , you are very, and I don't mean this in any way that is genito-urinary, lovely"

Blanche receives a Mothers Day e-card from Becky and is beyond insulted!

She schools her offspring in the ways of Southern gentility which involve handwritten cards and notes at all times!

Blanche starts a "Caring Bridge" account for her beau, Seymour, who is undergoing radiation for prostate cancer.

She updates it faithfully and is overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and affection for Seymour.

The girls agree to confide to each other what each's "number" is.

Blanche claims to not remember hers, as it is not ladylike to count.

Dorothy, very bitchily, mocks Rose for putting "Love Will Keep Us Together" on a playlist for a party they are having.

Miss Stevie Nicks accidentally kicks Sophia.

There is fear that Sophia's HMO won't cover the treatment.

Still clinging to her wardrobe of tunics, smocks, scarves, crushy suede boots, and shapeless hobo purses in 2017, Dorothy gets stopped on the street by Miss Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garcons, who hails her as a new style icon and invites her to be a runway model for her spring line. Jealousy ensues!

The girls discover the world of Spanx!

Sophia's injury, inflicted by Miss Stevie Nicks, heals.

There are still hard feelings, though, and Sophia has a conversation with Carmine the hitman, just in case.

With micro-aggressions building up between them, the girls hire online therapist Carol Weston to help them sort out their issues, who encourages them to purchase foam bats on Amazon to help vent their frustrations with each other.

Blanche is selected for the inaugural season of ABC's new reality franchise, "The MATURE Bachelorette." The show is unceremoniously cancelled before the first episode airs when TMZ reveals that Blanche gave a nasty case of herpes to every single contestant, as well as the host.

Sophia beats Rose to death with her melon baller after Rose injects Trump into another thread.

The Golden Girls abounds in Viagra jokes! Mainly made, in her deadpan fashion, by Dorothy!

R310, I am laughing so hard that tears are running down my face.

The girls try to explain the word "heteronormative" to Rose.

The girls go to see the new version of "Wonder Woman" at the Multi-Plex.

Rose thinks that "Gal" is an awesome name, and suggests it to her granddaughter, Anni-Frid Nylund, who is expecting twins.

Miami is starting to get dangerous; Dorothy takes a class in mixed martial arts.

Blanche buys a Groupon for anal bleaching; the girls all go together and make a day of it.

Just thought of something: thank goodness "The Golden Girls" is not currently on tv.

The word "vagina" would be heard in every episode; the show would not be nearly as funny.

Blanche is vexed when both "Siri" and "Alexa" have trouble understanding her Southern accent.

Rose discovers she is gluten intolerant and, so, must adjust her diet accordingly.

The other girls struggle with how to tell her gently that she has halitosis.

The girls come home from a Madonna concert and find that their house has been robbed from a lousy lock on a door and MASSIVE unemployment.

Blanche accidentally texted a selfie vajayjay picture to all her roommates (meant to entice a potential new lover), unbeknownst to her.

Rose wondered why Blanche sent a picture of her dead father. Sophia thought Blanche is showing off her newly acquired Sphynx cat pet. Only all-knowing Dorothy knows it's a pic of Blanche's vajayjay and she was strangely aroused by it.

Hilarity ensues.

R322, Laughing so hard that I am choking

Rose vomits after eating only one half of one piece of cheesecake.

She goes to Sophia's GI specialist, and guess what?

Rose is diagnosed with Late Onset Acid Reflux (LOAR)

Dick picks of Mel Bushman!!

Blanche didn't realize he was circumcised

Rose is also diagnosed with PTSD due to her childhood in St. Olaf.

And from season 2:

Episode 1

Rose returns to St Olaf for a visit — only to discover its become a Somali ghetto. She gets raped by one of the new residents.

Dorothy and Blanche try to delete a salacious email they accidentally sent to Blanche’s boss before he sees it.

Episode 2

Peter Thiel arrives in town asking Blanche if he can buy her kidney for the stem cells.

Sophia starts a “grandma blog”.

Episode 3

Stan buys a bride online from Thailand. Dorothy can’t help but feel jealous — until she and Tham compare packages. Dorothy is relieved to find no one can still top her in the endowment department.

The girls discover Snapchat and decide to create accounts with cutesy names: Rose — xdumbbunnyx; Sophia — prune-kween; Blanche — scarlettowhora; Dorothy — big_dick49

Episode 4

Facing increasing completion from the internet, the news network is forced to let Rose go. But what job will she get at her age? Things seems bad until Sophia convinces her to join her in turning Dorothy’s bedroom into a greenhouse for growing medicinal marijuana.

Dorothy is sued when she throws a student’s fidget spinner in his eye.

Episode 5

The girls win a trip to Mar-a-Lago. Hilarity ensues — including a special guest appearance from an uncredited extra as Donald Trump’s back.

Episode 6

Angelo arrives in town looking for a place to stay after being defrocked following a child abuse scandal.

Rose worries about antibiotic resistance.

Episode 7

In this clip episode the girls reminisce about past attempts to lose weight — before they learnt about HAES.

Episode 8

In an attempt to keep up with her old frenemy Trudy, Dorothy begins buying fake Instagram followers.

Rebecca considers names for her new baby before settling on “Braxe-Leighe”.

Episode 9

The girls discover Rose’s tumblr account and begin following her — and are shocked when reading her posts about the two pigs she lives with.

Blanche begins sexting with a stranger and is shocked when it turns out to be Anthony Wiener.

Episode 10

The girls endless preparations for a “wintermas” celebration keep interrupting Sophia and her new boyfriend’s Netflix-and-chill plans.

Elon Musk bores a tunnel beneath the girls kitchen.

The gals audition for the televised "Candy Crush" game show and are surprised to discover that Dorothy's former pupil is the host. After their humiliating loss, Dorothy calls the ICE hotline and arranges to have him deported.

Rose makes dinner, reminiscing about all of their adventures together... and keep looking at the clock, and looking out the window, waiting for the other girls to get home..and wondering why everyone is so late...

Blanche is frustrated when she has a hard finding a Dr. in Miami to prescribing her pRep.

Sophie is busted for catfishing men on Tinder, using her granddaughters Instagram photos. Dorothy is outraged.

Rose has fallen in love with a new man, and is shocked when he tells her he is into cuckolding. She contemplates becoming a "hotwife"

Golden Girls: The Comic Con Special

Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia believe that Rose joined a malicious and deadly cult ready to stage a terrorist attack only to find out that Rose joined a group of Game of Thrones cosplayers heading for San Diego's Comic con.

Dorothy leads a protest against the new trans bathroom rule at her school, bitter that she didn't have the choice when she was in school. Blanche contracts the antibiotic-resistant gonnorhea from Mel Bushman, putting a damper on their fb arrangement.

r310, and the host was Miss Christie Brinkley.

r295: the girls called Barbara Weston or Barbara Thorndyke?

Dorothy's YouTube channel, "Spanish for Senior Senors & Senoritas" loses ad revenue after Trump takes office.

Meanwhile, Sophia wins a walk-on role on Orange is the New Black.

Stan announces that he's fallen in love with a woman he met on a dating website. She's a journalist who's been on assignment in Nigeria for the past 8 months, where she's stranded. Stan has sent $250,000 to help her make her way back to the United States, where they can be together. Dorothy takes a look at some of the text messages Stan has received from this woman, and ever the substitute teacher, Dorothy notes that this journalist has terrible grammar. Dorothy convinces Stan to go into counseling.

Blanche accidentally reignites her relationship with an old flame after a steamy webcam session. It was 95 degrees at 10 p.m., so she took off her top while using her laptop on the lanai. She didn't realize the laptop had a camera installed on it. When she tells the guy it was a mistake and that she's not interested, her topless photos end up on the Internet. (She finds out about the pics from Stan.)

Rose develops a Netflix binging compulsion. She goes days at a time without getting dressed or talking to anyone. Worse, she goes $5000 into debt because she didn't realize that her wireless carrier charged a $25 overage fee for each GB of data used beyond the original 8 GB in her plan. Dorothy arranges for her to get counseling.

Dorothy announces that she's an image consultant. (She doesn't like labels.) No one is surprised. Sophia tries to fix her up with Jean, Pat, and Kathy.

Rose's phone shows an incoming call with an unknown number. Since the number is within the same area code, Rose takes the call. The caller says that he's from Hilton Holidays, and he wants to offer Rose a steep discount on a vacation. They each end up paying $999 to travel to...Fort Lauderdale. They must fly from the Miami airport to Newark airport in New Jersey. From there, they'll connect to Charlotte NC, where they'll make the connection to the Fort Lauderdale airport. The vacation is saved when Jean, Rich, and Randy take a one-hour uber ride from Miami to Fort Lauderdale to be with the girls.

At Blanche's urging, Rose and Dorothy accompany her on an evening out at an adult club. Dorothy meets a guy who wants her to peg him. Rose meets a guy who's with his wife, and they want Rose to go home with them. Left alone at the club, Blanche is feeling desperate and starts chatting up a man. He says he's a "furry". Blanche says, "I don't mind; I love a guy with a hairy chest." They make plans to for the guy to shop up at Blanche's house later that evening. The man arrives dressed as a fox and is partially eaten by an alligator in the girls' front yard.

Clayton Hollingsworth moves to Miami after Doug dumps him for a twink. He ends up cruising the park one night and hooks up with Blanche's beau Ed Tyler, whose big mouth has been pleasing more men than women lately.

Sophia becomes a Youtube sensation with her cooking segments, produced by Rose/Harold Goldstein

[quote]Dorothy's "mixed" grandchild from, like, Season One finally comes into her life. She is played by Miss Zoe Kravitz.

The mixed grandchild has Asperger's which her great grandmother Sophia makes fun of and that leads to Dorothy turning the lanai into a safe space for her granddaughter.

In a very special episode, Blanche finds out that her grandson(Beck Bennett) is an alt-right white supremacist after he is exposed on twitter.

Dorothy's past friendship with Barbara Thorndyke is revealed and SJWs harass her at home and manage to get her temporarily from a sub teaching job.

Dorthy is arrested at a DACA protest and Trump supporter Sophia refuses to bail her out.

Dorthy transitions.

Blanche fat shames her granddaughter(Aidy Bryant) on social media.

This is the best thread on Data Lounge thus far! Endlessly amusing...can we do another show!

Best thread ever...can we do another one?

The Facts of Life?

[quote]The Facts of Life?

Trump supporter Blair has to contend with DACA protests at Eastland.

[quote]The Reverse Golden Girls (Barbara Thorndyke, Freida Claxton's reanimated corpse, Virginia Hollingsworth and Aunt Angela) move across the street and how to make our Girls' lives a living he'll!

This is genius! :) Kind of like the "Bizarro" episode on Seinfeld when Elaine befriends Kevin (Bizarro Jerry), Feldman (Bizarro Kramer), and Gene (?) (Bizarro George).

But a few comments/suggestions:

1. Instead of Virginia Hollingsworth, I think Charmagne should be "reverse Blanche". She was more bitchy.

2. Barbara Thorndyke is clearly the "reverse" Dorothy. Check.

3. Couldn't Freida Claxton be the reverse "Sophia?" instead of Aunt Angela? She's a mean old lady.

4. Who is reverse Rose? That's the tough one

R350 Wasn't Empty Nest's Barbara the dumb sister out of the three? Or perhaps Rose's dumb cousin Sven (why can't it be a male?).

Also Stan was a dumb guy (Sophia points this out several times) who told stories (Dorothy's cooking, trips, etc.) & could have touching moments when needed like the Santa episode & buying Dorothy's ring back by selling the car).

He was also as competitive as Rose (he was jealous of Leslie Neilson's character in the finale but backed down in the church). The monkey/traffic cone therapy would be something Rose would most likely do out of the four ladies.

I always thought Stan & Rose would've made an interesting couple on the show. Dorothy & Miles as well. Blanche works with everybody.

I can't believe I didnt' realize this: Bizarro Golden Girls:

Reverse Blanche - Charmaine (Authoress, "Vixen, the story of a Woman")

Reverse Sophia - Aunt Angela (roommates with a goat)

Reverse Dorothy - Barbara Thorndyke (total Bitch) and more of a bitch than Gloria Petrillo

Reverse Rose - HOLLY Lindstrom. (Flautist and total cunt)

Sophia develops Lyme disease but they think it is full body cancer.

[quote]Sophia develops Lyme disease but they think it is full body cancer.

Just like in real life when they thought Estelle Getty had Parkinson's, then they thought she had Alzheimer's, then they settled on Lewy Body Dementia.

[quote][R350] Wasn't Empty Nest's Barbara the dumb sister out of the three?

If you think about it, Carol was the one with the most self-defeating behaviors. And she revealed herself to be a hypocrite in the Thanksgiving episode; she talks about the plight of the Native American in one breath, then ends up fighting with Laverne over a turkey calling her a hick and a cracker. But which one would actually be useful in an emergency where human life was at stake?

This thread is great. I can totally imagine Barbara Thorndyke working for Breitbart. That needs its own thread.

Dorothy is triggered when someone mentions her colonoscopy bag.

Rose come forth with claims she’s been raped by Harvey Weinstein.

Sophia gets butt implants.

Blanche and Rose create fake Amazon accounts to prove one star reviews on Barbara Thorndyke’s books.

Blanche regales the girls with tales of her long-ago affair with a Southern beau — Jeff Sessions.

An exasperated Dorothy says “Snapchat, Rose!”

Rose’s fear of flying is exacerbated when she’s dragged off an overbooked United Airlines flight.

Sophia decides she’s otherkin.

Blanche's Instagram is filled with stilted and formal '80s glamor shots.

Like this:

Blanche's instagram keeeps getting shut-down because of explicitly sexual content.

Dorothy lets a civil rights attorney have it in a restaurant after he tells her that her attempt to file suit against a local mall for not installing unisex bathrooms isn't a winnable case. 'You dismissed me...'

Blanche's niece Lucy gets the untreatable strain of gonnorreah that is going around, giving all the girls pause to reflect on their past sexual exploits.

ICE shows up and hauls Sophia off for deportation because she can't prove she's a US citizen. Blanche is the only woman in her household on PrEP but unfortunately winds up with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea from sucking all those men down at the docks. Dorothy is briefly jailed for housing one of her DACA students but is able to persuade Chippendale's to hire him, and pay him under the table. Poor Rose suffers from dementia and keeps trying to hand dishes of stale kufflehuglen to strangers on the boardwalk. Stan is again rebuffed by Dorothy to give their marriage a second go but he winds up making a killing in legal weed and winds up marrying one of his saleswomen anyway.

Instead of witty wisecracks the three of them would spend all their time at the kitchen table glued to their phones.

Rose invites the Obamas to dinner and does that dance they do on the opening of the Cosby Show.

Blanche becomes the new Cathy Mitchell

Morothy gets mugged by one of her students and turns Conservative Republican

Sophia admits Morothy's father is Mooseleanknee

Flashback episode: The girls all remember their #MeToo moments.

dorothy • 65 • queer • xir/xem • tumblr: substitutebeetcher

rose gets an undercut.

Sophia forces Dorothy to do gun training after the Parkland school shooting.

Best thread

The funniest bits of this thread aren't the over-the-top parts, but the subtle parts.

Dorothy decides to buy a Prius...but Sophia has other plans.

These are hilarious! One of my favorites:

R55

Blanche throws her back out twerking. Rose and Dorothy are resentful that they have to wait on her as she convalesces.

Sophia uses a very old photo on Match.Com and meets much younger men.

Dorothy smacks Rose with a rolled up newspaper, because Rose doesn't understand the meanings of Nicki Minaj's song lyrics.

The Golden Girls travel to attend Burt Reynold's funeral and remember their fondest memories regarding Burt.

Dorothy deals with the anxiety of Sophia being a storm chasing adrenaline junkie with her own social media presence.

Am glad the show is long gone after reading some of the posts here. Yawn.

Blanche accuses Dorothy of spreading FAKE NEWS about her. Turns out Dorthy was just being sarcastic and someone mistook it for a truthful statement (and that someone wasn't Rose for a change).

The Golden Girls are outraged when being called racists for not being diverse enough. They struggle to figure out who should go so one member of a minority group, or several members of various minority groups, can move in.

Rose joins PFLAG thinking it's a support group for flag afficionados.

Blanche reveals that Kanye West asked her first to marry her and do the video with them both riding on a motorbike. She just didn't feel right, you know, because it would look undignified for a Southern Belle to appear riding a motorbike.

Dorothy tries online dating and goes on a date with who turns out to be a former student of hers. Blanche is livid that someone much younger fancies Dorothy which threatens Blanche's fragile ego. Clearly this takes place way before the actual Golden Girls final (where Dorothy gets married).

Sophia answers an online advertisment for granny porn and ends up as entertainment on a rapper's private party. Hilarity ensues when the other gals try to rescue her.

Dorothy smacks Rose with a rolled up newspaper when Rose doesn't understand men wearing manbuns.

The girls drag an embarrassed Dorothy along to a Trump rally. Humiliation ensues for Dorothy when she finds herself center-screen on television and local parents petition the school to fire her.

Dorothy smacks Rose with an iPad for thinking people still read newspapers.

In order to look hip the gals try to join Taylor Swift's Squad not realizing that's it's totally outdated by now.

Rose doesn't qualify for Obamacare, so Dorothy decides to run for city council cuz she's eager to discuss "women's issues". After a grueling campaign, she notices that Rose never filed the signatures to be on the ballot.

Sophia and Blanche open a taco truck. Sophia sells wine coolers on the side, Blanche demands to be paid in cash.

Unable to find a job after being let go, the girls spice up Rose's CV for our Affirmative Action and equal opportunity times. Though Rose feels guilty when Blanche suggests she go heavy on the bronzer for her interview with Enrique Mas as 'Rosa Nieto'.

You Can't Have a Funeral without F-U-N.

Blanche dies of AIDS.

The girls reminisce of their previous money-making efforts: Blanche made an OnlyFans profile, Rose worked as an Uber driver using a cow, Gustav, and Dorothy worked as a paid-protester.

Meanwhile Sophia becomes addicted to Pumpkin Spice flavouring.

Blanche gets cast on Big Brother and becomes the talk of America after starting a showmance with a perpetually shirtless 22-year-old frat boy. Dorothy, entrusted with her social media accounts, becomes consumed by jealousy and Photoshops Blanche's head onto the body of a woman with "blue waffle."

Good one, R387.

Blanche is shocked when nudes she took for a beau leak to the museum staff.

Meanwhile, Dorothy is accused of being a TERF.

Dorothy smacks Rose with a rolled up newspaper, because, by accident, she picked the 2017 version of Murder on the Orient Express instead of the 1974 one which the other gals expected.

[quote] Dorothy smacks Rose with an iPad for thinking people still read newspapers.

Do you know how much iPads cost? You think I can afford one with my substitute teacher salary? Or waste one breaking it on Rose's stupid head? *rolling up newspaper in order to smack r381*

Dorthy hatches a plan to break into Betsy DeVos' home to take a giant shit in her toilet and let it stink up the whole place for attempting to ruin the US school system. Thankfully the other gals talk her out of it so Doroty just sends her a very stern letter.

What the hell? So sorry. It's DOROTHY, of course.

Rose discovers the internet and gets hooked on fb. Her daughters Bridget and Kristen visit for the weekend but with Rose preoccupied with her social media accounts, she pays no attention to them whatsoever. Bridget and Kristen promise to take Rose out for an ice cream cone with sprinkles, they go, but instead dump Rose at Shady Pines.

Buoyed up by the Trump tax cut, Blanche decides to invest in a new real estate development. However, this puts her at loggerheads with Rose whose leading a protest (naturally featuring a glitzy charity ball at that same stock footage location) to save the alligator's swamp homeland from development.

Meanwhile, concerned about Sophia's increasingly frailty, Dorothy decides that they'll both join a spin class.

Concerned about the judicial appointment of a former student, Dorothy remembers he raped her a few decades ago. But her claims are dismissed when no one believes her sufficiently attractive to be raped.

Rose decides to pick up extra cash by working a punishing job at an Amazon warehouse.

The girls decide to take Sophia out for her 80th birthday. However she's appalled at the Vietnamese owner's fusion of Sicilian and Vietnamese cuisine and accuses them of cultural appropriation.

Rose dislocates her shoulder while attempting to pose with her selfie stick.

The girls force Rose to stop taking her pills, and then find out at Rose's funeral they were antiretrovirals.

Some of you bitches are good at this.

Thanks, DL.

Let's keeping adding to these gems.

Let's keeping adding to these gems.

When Rose learns about the Coronavirus, she decides to take a bath in a mixture of barley malt, corn, hops, yeast, antioxidants (ascorbic acid), and propylene glycol alginate as a stabiliser. The lack of Corona in Miami closes down the Rusty Anchor due to the end of "nickle beer night" and Blanche is furious.

On her 120th birthday, Sophia is arrested for assaulting a transwoman at the Senior Center ladies powder room and misses the Miami leg of Cher’s farewell tour.

“I said if he tried to show me his salami one more time it was going straight into a hero sandwich!”

Dorothy surprises her by bringing Very Special Guest Star Chastity Bono to bail her out and teach her the valuable lesson that women, indeed, do not have to be adult human females.

Blanche opens an Onlyfans account. Rose sometimes join her in the action.

Dorothy is shocked when she finds out Stan is a gentleman caller of Lá Sènatrice.

Coco and Nestor hook-up. Mattie is devastated.

Blanche has an affair with fat Governor DeSantis during the pandemic.

The latest season is called "And Just Like That!". It features two old crones and a narcissistic horse that smells of frustration and desperation. Set in New York.

The horse is in her 70s and behaves like a young pony. In one episode she lets Donald Trump fuck her and neighs, "I just had a dick's dick. I wondered, 'Am I a horsey whore or a whorey horse?'"

Blanche becomes an ardent follower of QAnon and the girls are horrified. They scheme prevent her from flying to Washington DC on January 5th by flooding her bedroom and hiring a hunky handyman (guest star Julian McMahon) to lay down fresh carpet. She emerges in the afterglow on January 6th and watches the Capitol riots on CNN in horror (Dorothy finally cancelled Fox).

Main plot: Dorothy is hospitalised with COVID-19, after being infected by Stan Zbornak following a one night stand. Determined not to convalesce at Shady Pines, Sophia goes into isolation and locks herself away in the kitchen, forcing Blanche and Rose to invest in an Instant Pot.

Subplot: Blanche and Rose start rival TikTok accounts. Blanche is aghast when Rose’s Norwegian folk dances set to the music of Lizzo go viral.

The Girls try to figure out who keeps leaving a mess in the toilet. Turns out its Dreyfus.

After finding Stan having sex with her sister Gloria in her bed again, Dorothy agrees to participate in video Counseling with them. But it becomes unexpectedly more complicated when Stan is caught masturbating during their Zoom counseling session...

Trying to explain all this to Rose involves multiple Postmate deliveries of cheesecakes...

B Plot - Blanche carries on a torrid affair with a certain unnamed "Yankee" Governor and persuades him to pierce his nipples to enhance their sexual pleasure

This thread is older now than the show was when it went off the air.

Dr. Weston is arrested for murdering his wife and the Corliss family and squatting in their house.

Coco, now living at The Golden Palace (which has become a bed bug infested dump) and still bitter over being evicted by Blanche makes dozens of obscene phone calls to the girls daily.

Cindy Lou Peeples, Susan Armstrong, Kim Tung Foy and Mrs. Gonzales become a gang of bank robbers and try to frame the girls as revenge after having fallen on hard times.

Dorothy learns Barbara Thorndyke has been nominated for a Pulitzer. After failing to get Barbara's nomination revoked through use of cancel culture, Dorothy breaks into her house, calls the White House threatening to kill the president while flawlessly imitating Barbara and gets her sent to federal prison for 20 years.

The girls are expecting $2000 stimulus checks for each of them and have already decided how they want to spend the money. When they only get $1400. they have to buy wholesale.

[quote] Dorothy breaks into her house, calls the White House threatening to kill the president while flawlessly imitating Barbara and gets her sent to federal prison for 20 years.

At first we thought it was Murray Guttman.

Sophia is slapped with a felony for making granny porn by hacking into Shady Pines’ Ring Camera and live streaming it to her Onlyfans and Jerkmate accounts for cash.

The girls volunteer at the homeless shelter only to find an influx of former Disney World cast members laid off because of the COVID-19-related closures.