Things your mother said

“Nobody’s looking at you!”

“I’m more adventurous than you are.”

“I’m so disappointed in you.”

that pussy is NASTAY

"Have you seen my cigarettes?"

There'll be days like this.

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.

I’m an old woman my dear. I know my sex.

"Son, Do I like the taco platter here?"

EVERY.FUCKING.TIME.WE.EAT.THERE.

Just as I was becoming old enough to drive, a boy down the street's mother found a bunch of Playboy magazines in the trunk of his car. My mother told me about it, shrieking at me, "You'd better not let me find anything like that in [italic]your[/italic] car. I'd rather see you [italic]dead[/italic] than see you looking at that trash."

She got her wish. What can I say?

“Remember who you are…” every time I walked out of the door to go anywhere until I left home for good.

"I wish I had never had kids."

Don't make me get out the shitbra!

One time she got so mad at my older brother that she told him, "I oughta pinch your head off and flush it down the commode!"

My eaves dropping 8-year-old self thought that was hilarious.

I know, honey. I can smell it too.

“While you’re up…”

R13 commode. A word rarely uttered today.

Oh quit bitching and empty my piss bucket!

Hell’s bells!

Well, smell you!

Can't you be a goddam good Catholic boy for just FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES????

Your good name is all you have

It'll eat.

Life would be so boring if everybody was just the same. She knew.

"Do you have to tinkle before we go?"

Eat your vegetables.

You're all selfish assholes. I'm going to kill myself and the babies and you can go live with your dad.

“I swear you look for things to worry about.”

R9 my mom got me a subscription to Playboy after she found gay magazines in my room. Subsequently my sister ended up taking some to school and my mom ended up being arrested for dealing pornography to minors over it.

You vegetable!

I should’ve aborted your mother fucking ass! Cause you ain't shit! I knew it when the doctor put you in my goddamn hands you wasn't a goddamn thing

[quote]You’re such a sweetie; I don’t know what I’d do without you.

"when God wants you God gets you" which serves for her justification for pretty much anything she felt like doing or not doing. For instance she didn't believe in safety belt so she never made any of us kids wear one and got mad at the notion that she should.

However is she sure did like beating us with belts. Maybe she didn't want to send mixed messages by making them seem like they were a safety feature versus an implement to punish us.

That's just life its own self.

"Well, when you grow up, you can do what you want."

"Because I said so, that's why."

Don't ruin your life by having children. If anything bad happened to you kids I would lose my mind.

“WHHHYYYYYYY DID I ADOPT YOUUUUUUUUU!!!??!”

Going to the movies? no? why are you picking your seat?

Every single time my mother left the house she used to say "money, makeup, keys"... as she was leaving.

She also said "actions speak louder than words" repeatedly.

[quote] Well, smell you!

Lots of DLers say this. Now, I know where it comes from.

You slap food out of my hand I’m limit punch you in the face

Your eyes look like two burnt holes in a bedpan.

“I am doing the best I can” when I was bitching about something. I was the ungrateful child King Lear warned about.

If you go to the corner store for my cigarettes I'll give you a Yankee dime...I never fell for that one.

R45 maybe she meant yankee candle?

You can drown in a teaspoon of water!

Something, something...like Grant took Richmond!

R46 it's a kiss.

Right after I got baptized when I was 9 anytime I'd get any trouble she'd go you just had all your sins washed clean and you just racking them up again.

At my brother's wedding to his girlfriend with him he already had two children my mom kept coming I don't think the bride should be wearing white.

At her dad's funeral she kept loudly proclaiming this is the last few girl for anyone in this family I'll ever attend.

She was also fond of saying Pile one hand up with s*** and the other with wishes and see which one fills up first.

Do nt think you'll ever be too old for me to slap you.

"Honey, be a doll and make mommy another highball. Don't put too much ice in it this time."

"Go empty this ashtray".

"Take this note up to the A&P and get me a pack of cigarettes".

"There's a TV dinner in the freezer. Your father and I are going out."

“Go pound sand up your ass”.

“Shit in a shoe and make oyster stew”.

Get your dick out of my pussy!

“Breeding will out”

“Nothing good happens after midnight.”

It's ok to lick it that's where you lived for nine months.

You weren't molested.

“Relax.”

When I had the flu at 13, my mother insisted on taking my temperature via a rectal thermometer, when we have six perfectly good oral ones.

I realize a surgery left my father impotent, but her finding comfort/human touch with me was a bit over the line, no?

I’m still in therapy 25 years later.

True.

[quote] She was also fond of saying Pile one hand up with s*** and the other with wishes and see which one fills up first.

This is such dumb saying.

My mother-in-law had a variation on this:

Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up faster.

A truly lovely woman.

"Less vermouth next time."

"Poor YOU."

“How nice…they chose to redecorate their home/paint their house/buy a new car…

BUT that’s not a color I would have chosen.

I wish you had died when you were a baby!

R61 that was it..I was saying it wrong.

R60 well lucky for you she's dead so you'll never hear that dreadful phrase uttered by her.

My mom and I had/have plenty of run ins and I still think she's generally wrong about alot of things but one day when I was a teen and I was wallowing in self pity about not being happy for whatever reason she told me "Happiness isn't some state of mind you suddenly achieve one day, happiness are moments, moments that you hold on to when you need them" I wasnt ready to hear it then, I was young and naive and still needed to believe there was some blessed permanent state you could achieve by doing the right things, but MAN do I get it now. She was ON POIBT with that little nugget of wisdom.

“If there’s a problem the police will call”.

"I'll give you unconditional love... when you've done something to deserve it."

“Oh, David…”

Sissy

“Don’t lean your back on the movie seat - you’ll get ringworm.”

“Don’t eat raw brown sugar, you’ll get worms.”

“Don’t go to Chinatown - you’ll get kidnapped.” (Said when I was 24 - I’m surprised she didn’t somehow include a warning about worms.)

Looking at me: “Your father said it would only just be the tip”

Shut the television off and go outside.

You may find this thread of interest.

My Mother was no Donna Reed but ya'll seemed to have some doozies. I don't recall ever hearing anything truly off color or a curse word.

"You love to make me hit you!"

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

My mom and I driving by grandma’s house while she’s outside watering her flowers. Windows down, hurling obscenities like FUCK YOU! YOU! ROTTEN BITCH

"Get off the cross. We need the wood."

Disgusting thread. And DL needs to ban that repulsive Patsy Ramsey troll. Ain't the least bit funny.

[quote]"Get off the cross. We need the wood."

Now that's good.

I remember almost nothing she said. Therapy works.

“Is THAT what you’re wearing?”

R83 that’s an old saying. And not clever IMO

Just because you're smart doesn't mean everyone else is stupid.

r86 Every old saying isn't stupid. And I'm contrasting it against the rest of the drivel on this thread. So you hated your mother? Grow the fuck up and get over it. Who are you anyway, Oedipus in drag?

“GASP!!!!”

What do you always have daddy's pubes on your lips?

r89 I remember that dry ass bitch Devon. What an annoying character. Haha.

"Go get me something to hit you with."

She stopped saying it when I brought her a pillow.

R88 oh go jump in a river.

MAKE A SANDWICH THE COLD CUTS AREN'T A SNACK!

If you don’t behave I’m going to call the Devil and he’s going to come and put you in a sack and take you to Hell!

My dear, everybody likes a nice ass. Nobody likes a smart one.

You're a lesbian? God wants you to marry a man and have babies. You're so selfish. And because you're a lesbian, I'm going to Hell. Get the fuck out.

I only hope your children will put you through the same thing you're putting me through.

Get your dick out of my pussy!

r93 Your mother told you that? Poor thaaang. No wonder you're whorish bottom.

Anyway, listen to Sinead.

Go play in traffic!

Tell me who your friends are, I'll tell you who you are.

Stop being a whore, it’s not nice to Mother!

My mother told me, you better shop around

"We'll see" which was apparently a euphemism for "Fuck you". My sister says "Could be" for the same reason.

"You're mad? Well, you've got the rest of your life to get glad!".

Oh and when she saw someone that was acting a fool she'd say "common, just common".

“Thats nice you can tell me you’re gay, but I couldn’t talk about my abortion for the longest time!”

He's upset because he willingly put out. From where he started out, to where he ended up, and everything in between just screams that he put out. How far he went is between him and his maker. I'm guessing he let people massage him, suck him, beat him off, finger bang him a little. Now he has the sads about it. Hell I put out for an A in a college class.

Your mother said that R109?

You son of a bitch!

Boy, you can say that again!

When I was a kid, my mother would say,“You play only with girls; you need to get some boy friends.”