You're Too Ugly To Be Gay- Said Someone To Jakub Arturio Bradea

Wow. And dang.

Gay men wanting to be physically perfect and seeking impossible perfection isn't new, but has social media made it worse?

Also, the irony is that so many men don't want that. As a wise eldergay once said to me: "There's a lid for every pot."

This is what degrading someone does. One has so much power and still they have not learned to control it.

[quote]Several said pressure from social media platforms and dating apps was exacerbating their body issues.

While it is true that gay men have been obsessed with perfect bodies and beauty for longer than other groups, it's also true that in the age of social media lots of people are suffering from self-image issues due to the fictitious world promoted by both influencers and celebrities. This is why rates of depression among young people are so high, and children as young as 12 and 13 are resorting to taking steroids and developing eating disorders in order to "fit in". Thus, this isn't a phenomenon that exclusively affects the gay community.

Still, it is true that as a community we're incredibly unforgiving of anyone who is different and cannot buy acceptance through wealth. I think that it would be positive if we remembered that as a collective, we're as different from each other as any other group, and what defines us is a lot more than mere physical attractiveness and finding validation through constant hookups.

Vapidation: the feelings that you are sufficiently deficient resulting from spending too much time on social media.

I've never really been attracted to muscular guy nor bears.

I like slim guys with natural bodies ( no tattoos, no piercings, no rings, no shaved pubic hair)

I guess that makes me somewhat of an outlier.

Looks like he needs a DoxyPEP talk.

Gay men are the victim of their own shallowness.

In the heterosexual world it’s women who mostly suffer from depression due to not meeting a looks threshold. Straight men can compensate for a lack of looks but gay men desire looks as much as they are desired for their looks. It perpetuates a vicious cycle where ugly men strive for perfection because they themselves would never lower their standards and fuck someone as ugly as themselves.

R7- That Jakub guy talks about guys with spectacular bodies- I'm not attracted to SPECTACULAR bodies which I assume means someone with a HUGE build plus tattoos. That combo to me is what constitutes UGLY.

R8 I don’t disagree. My point is if this guy had tried to date men that were on his level (prior to his steroid use) and if gay men did that as a general rule, then all this body dysmorphia would decrease.

He was striving to be “good looking” because he wanted to attract good looking men, despite his own ugliness.

R9- I don't know if I would call him ugly but certainly average looking.

Yes, it's possible he's trying to date guys out of his league. I bet in the 1970's gay men did not have these type of issues- I mean wanting to have the right kind of body because in those days everyone was slim with natural bodies ( muscular guys were a rarity )- I should take a time machine back to 1977.

Ugly, average, doesn’t matter. All gay men (and straight men, for that matter) are competing for the same top 20% of partners. But if you aren’t in the top 20% yourself it’s going to be a rough ride unless you’re willing to go to extremes to make yourself more attractive.

I just cannot muster sympathy for men who won’t date their level. If he was willing to do that then he wouldn’t need steroids to attract a guy.

At almost 53, I’m just too old to care anymore what anyone thinks of me. Youth and beauty fade.

I thought this was only a problem for single straight women over 35. How depressing.

That’s the Beeb…always 20 years late with the real story.

Oy vey—the journalism here was more stereotypical than the tropes it sought to expose.

R12- ,Jakub is probably in his 50's and obviously he still cares.

R11- Even if he was very depressed because he was constantly rejected by the hot guys ( yes he should have just dated average guys like himself) I still feel sorry for him that he was so devastated that he resorted to trying to kill himself.

What’s that big knob behind his left ear?!

R12 Same age range, same vibe. I have no fucks to give any more.

I tried to be part of the mainstream gay scene in my 20s and was miserable.

I guess you could say I was sort of on the outer edges of the "bear" community in my 30s, but even that was just weird a lot of the time. I swear 95 percent of my hookups or dating interactions were all about what they had in their heads about me, or what they wanted me to be....versus, hey, talk to me for a few minutes and get a sense of who I am. Most of the guys had some sort of fetish or particular sexual thing they wanted to fulfill, and none of that ever had anything to do with me, the actual person in the room with them.

I met a guy online, shared photos, was super upfront about who I was and he wanted to meet - then he grumbled that I wasn't muscular or mega butch. I'm not, but I never said I was, you know? It was just weird. After that I didn't take any of it as seriously as I had when I was younger and relaxed about it.

I have to laugh at Lewis, the Instagram model, bemoaning like how he is not like valued for his like personality.

While one aesthetic is most definitely promoted as the ideal ( or even the norm, if ur gay) all I see is gays have so many different types. I'm 6ft 2, toned and while 100% of females seem to remark about my looks; even str8 guys pass comments like Youre a goodlookong fella arent ya....(the height helps) I get turned down a lot by gays. Guys have often said I'm intimidating, or they assume I won't be a nice guy; and as someone who wasn't cute growing up, I don't have that confidence..so I generally am awkward about approaching guys, and if I do, I can actually feel myself boring them senseless. Loads of gays don't want a handsome guy, preferring a sexy guy or a hot guy. I'd love to spread thr fact that even with great pics online that show a 6pack, I get as many guys rejecting me as anyone else. They just want something different than me. Maybe it's my shyness that stops them wanting to jump my bones. Also, I'm not female but I'm not butch...just a nice guy. Also, I've a friend who's not considered v attractive but he rates himself as a 9. he said, he's a good person, fun, is successful and good looking enough..he thinks of the whole package.

We need to be kind to each other...

R19- Are you bold enough to share a photo of yourself?

Gay men are the most toxic to each other. But no one in the community likes to talk about it though. ☕️

Suicide is #1 for gun deaths in the U.S.- not murder.

It’s not worth it. Risking your life for people who usually don’t give shit about and see your existence as transactional.

A rose will bloom

It then will fade

So does a youth

So does the fairest maid

This sounds familiar, because it's an old article.

Here is the first time around from Jan 2020

R25- Are the QWEEN in the tights singing that tune in Romeo and Juliet (1968) - which happens to be the GAYEST and the BEST version of Romeo and Juliet on the screen.

This hurts my heart and I am bothered by it. We can be vicious just like teen girls. We all have had some challenges so we should lift up each other.

I get that you may not be attracted to someone but the way you handle it is key. When craigslist was a thing, if I didn't find the guy my type, I would respond. you are handsome but I am looking for something different - I never wanted to hurt anyone as they have feelings too.

Sometimes it seems the healthiest thing to do is to stay away. Too many fake bitches.

This is only a problem for people who need to have several sexual partners a week.

R30- Several HOT sexual partners a week.

“Hot” on the outside, festering on the inside.

The insult I remember from a guy I’d messaged on an app was ‘I like the body but there’s something about the face I don’t like’.

‘The face’. Not ‘your face’. Not even a ‘no thanks’

R26 Information Illiteracy + OCD + Senility = Datalounge

R13 Lewis sounds like a tween from no Calabasas—he better work out if he wants to see a single dick, in the next 20 years…

For R18^

Beauty fades, dumb is forever!

R19 your problem is that you’re boring…go on like that at a party and then wonder why the only loads you see are your own.

Many "9"s and "10"s are born that way. I am one, now in my 60s so invisible and anyway off the market. The secret is we don't have to "do" much or anything to be almost universally seen as attractive.

Many of us do not hesitate to fuck, date, partner with average looking guys, well, because most guys are more average looking.

The problem in the meat market, are the mean girls, all the strivers. The 5, 6, and 7s who try their damnedest, best little boys in the world, to be 8s. Add the small percentage of 8's who are deluded they can magically transform into 9s or 10s. It's all illusory anyway, and temporary, and there is a lot of mental illness and wasted time and effort.

This schmuck didn't have the psychological insight and maturity to get off the physical appearance merry go round and spend his time on people and relationships that are possible with those who are more well balanced and say yes - usually in response to a bit of charm, positive attitude, and kindness.

R33 you got upset that someone on a sex app treated you like a product or a piece of meat. That makes me chuckle.

You go to the barbershop 💈, you’re going to get a haircut. Don’t like the superficial dynamics and personality disorders of the geigh ghetto? Then don’t live there, visit there, or live your life with their stated values. Be true to yourselves, kaweens, create your own friendship circles, only visit clubs and bars that promote healthier lifestyles. There’s no monolithic LGBT community, but many, diverse, smaller communities. Don’t accept destructive bullshit, build your own community. It’s a big world, don’t limit yourselves.

Jakub reminds me of Ted Schmidt from Queer As Folk who was so desperate to be desired by that young cute Blake at the club that he overdoses on drugs by mistake and almost dies.

R41- I never felt the need to conform to the prevailing gay aesthetic- even in my bar going heyday of 1995 and I was generally only attracted to guys that dressed and seemed like individuals- no tank tops in summer or flip flops. I referred to my types as civilians.

Good for you. Tank tops in summer!!??? Quelle horreur! I'm sure they all had !AIDS! festering under their shiny harlot appearance!

R15/OP - the fact that he’s in his 50s and obviously still cares is… obvious. Particularly the part about trying to end his life. That shows he has a LOT of issues to work through. I’ve been someone’s 8, and I’ve been someone’s 4. A lot of it was based in my own expectations. We’ve all been there. But if you’re lonely in your 50s, it’s past time to figure out why. Sometimes you are the problem. For his sake, I hope he figures it out.

I’ve gone on dating apps with little success and I’m handsome! I’m also 68 and that’s a turnoff for many. I guess if I were chatting with guys half my age that might explain it but I’m not. I text with guys who are my age or ten years younger with a similar level of attractiveness and they don’t respond. It’s puzzling.

Oh honey, 68 and puzzled nobody engages you on dating apps?

68 on Grindr & Scruff…? That’d plain crazy .

Society in general has gotten a lot meaner. If you have a good circle of friends and family, turn off social media and get your validation elsewhere.

R48 One time I saw a 79 year old on Scruff

Shudder to think!

R46 they don’t want to fuck a guy their age or ten years older. They want to fuck a younger guy.

Most men are striving for the top 20% of partners. This is regardless of sexual orientation, race, age, class, culture etc.

No such thing. There are so many guys that could never be categorized as pretty or handsome. Same with straight guys. Looks are only part of your overall appeal and personality.

Different is nice...

R53 but looks and youth are a threshold that most men are not willing to compromise on. If you don’t meet the bare minimum on that, other qualities don’t mean anything.

Most men on dating apps perhaps. But most men in general? I see lots of average guy couples.

Activist Greg never fitted in when he was a kid - because he loves to wear yellow shoes.

You too fat to fish!

The genius reporter learns that gay men looking good was even a thing on gay magazine covers going back decades.

R54- That sounds like a line from

A Chorus Line

R55- I agree. Most guys to meet standards of attractiveness must have pretty looks or be HOT/Masculine type. If they're the latter they must be a TOP. The pretty men are still desirable as bottoms. The Hot/Masculine/Tops must also be well hung.

Kermit the Frog said it's not easy been green but it's not easy being a HOMO either.

Poor, poor pitiful you.

Living your life in comparison to a felt sock puppet.

It's kind of weird to have gone in the other direction. In my former life as Big Fat Fatty (320lbs at my heaviest), I was still pretty active, but more with chasers and people willing to overlook the rest of me because of my dick. I'm down to somewhere near half of that, while I still have stretched skin even after plastic surgery, I have visible abs. And I just turned 46.

A few months back, I hooked up with a younger (mid 20s) guy, kind of a cub, but cute. He was awkward at first, and when I asked him if he was okay, he told me "Guys who look like you don't usually go for guys who look like me." That's usually my line. And on my cruise last month, at one of the parties I started making out with a guy I was dancing with, and he told me "You're so hot, I wanted to hook up with you when I first saw your picture."

It's still hard to get my head around.

That quote, again?

[quote]I like slim guys with natural bodies ( no tattoos, no piercings, no rings, no shaved pubic hair)

r5 Shaved pubic hair is pedophilic and vainly obsessive.

Do you think James Brumpton got his arm tatts before or after his tummy tuck?

[quote]I’ve gone on dating apps with little success and I’m handsome! I’m also 68 and that’s a turnoff for many.

Why not just lie and knock ten years off your age? Everybody else is lying about something on those apps too.

[quote] Shaved pubic hair is pedophilic

I've never understood this sentiment.

I prefer a bush on a guy too but when I see someone with a shaved pubic area I don't think he looks 12.

You should

R68- I just think he's a fashion victim as are people who cover themselves in tattoos.

R63- Good for you.

R67, I took your suggestion & knocked not 10, but 11, years off my actual age. Then I get a response from some interested guy many states away telling me how young I looked for my age. I should’ve knocked 15-20 off my real age.