Crazy Lesbian Writes to Dead Abby

Abby was not dead when the letter was written.

Note to Self: Cancel the U-Haul.

Fatal Attraction with a Subaru and flannel.

R1, she died after reading that letter.

It sounds like the boss followed the DL advice of punch and delete!

"We are no longer communicating, upon her request."

Out of the dozens of red flags this letter has raised that probably has to be the biggest one. This lady is obviously not playing with a full deck.

That was painful to read.

That was pitiful to read NOT painful r7

A looney lesbian with an unrequited crush? I've heard worse. Call me when the restraining order is filed.

I’m trying to discern where the 15-year age gap lies. I’d assume the crazy, obsessed one is younger but the Victorian house delusion says otherwise.

It must be taking place at a real estate agency, likely in Decatur, Ga., where all sorts of delusional nonsense occurs.

Fast Fact: Former Dem POTUS candidate Dean Phillips's adoptive paternal grandmother, Pauline Phillips, was the author of "Dear Abby" under the pseudonym Abigail Van Buren.

Whenever I hear about Dear Abbyy, I always think of this brilliant camp classic from the early 60s:

I think "Dead Abby" should enter the DL lexicon.

Beloved song

Do we think she’s borderline?

Is she going to lose her mind?

[quote] Do we think she’s borderline?

Is a pig’s pussy pork?

“Dear Abby, why won’t she eat my pussy?” “Well Deranged Lesbian, she’s just not that into you!”

It's sad when we fall in love with someone we shouldn't fall in love with. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

Agreed, r13.

We already have her advice “smoke copious amounts of pot, silly” as the cure for any and all ills. So why not?

R19, you can’t fall in love with someone who wants nothing to do with you.

R21 Yes you can. That's not how love works, unfortunately

This sounds as manufactured as 70% of what makes it into agony aunt columns these days. Not specifying "beautiful nut loaf dinners" was a missed opportunity.

I fell in love with my best friends (a female) boy friend. They had invited me into their lives. Then now have a restraining order out keeping me away. And I have lost my best friend since HS.

Does DL have any advice I love him so and I am sure he might feel the same way despite the restraining order,

Fuck Dear Abby this above is pure DL. This is real heartbreak and angst.

R22, it’s called infatuation or a crush, and sometimes obsession, but not love.

[quote]likely in Decatur, Ga., where all sorts of delusional nonsense occurs.

That's a strangely specific guess but unfortunately wrong, the writer says she's in California.

The Boss Has Stated Her Boundaries!

Lez (Not) Be Friends!

R25 Who are you to define what love is? If you think you can only fall in love with people that can return that love back to you, you are insane.

R28

If it’s an enchanted evening one can indeed fall in love from across a crowded room. Meeting people knowing people having a real relationship is often overrated when it comes to love.

[QUOTE][R25] Who are you to define what love is?

Foreigner?

Abby's reply:

Dear Crushed in California,

You have found your Baby Reindeer. Go for it! And be sure to write me back to tell me how everything went.

Abby

DEAD ABBY: My cousin asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding next month. Because we are not very close, and I've already booked travel arrangements for a vacation leaving that same morning, I turned her down. Now my parents and sister are angry at me for not putting family first. It would cost me a significant amount of money to reschedule, not to mention having all my plans overturned. Am I in the wrong? Is it selfish to put my own life ahead of family? -- PENSIVE IN PENSACOLA

DEAR PENSIVE: To put your problem into perspective, I'm FUCKING DEAD. You don't think I'd love to stand up in a tacky dress in a lame relative's wedding? I can't do that. I can't do FUCKING ANYTHING, because I'm DEAD. You're worried about this shit, meanwhile, I'll never again feel the joy of the sun on my face, or the touch of a loved one. Do what you want. I don't care! I'M DEAD!

I wouldn’t return the U-Haul just yet! A new soul mate is always right around the corner!!

It could be a twin flame connection. We want to let go of these people for so many reasons, but the connection is so strong. There is a chaser/runner dynamic that keeps the two people apart until "complete surrender." I was really into twin flame tarot readings for a while, I'm an expert...

No, but limerance is a real thing that some people are prone to do.

That poor thing is certifiable.

[quote]My heart and soul feel that she feels the same way about me.

RED FLAG!!!

[quote] [R19], you can’t fall in love with someone who wants nothing to do with you

Not necessarily.

The former supervisor/employer was kind not to blackball her from future employment. The "never contact" provision was an extreme kindness.

[quote]I dream about our Victorian home together and a beautiful garden and life. I want nothing else but to make her happy for the rest of her life, make her breakfast every morning and beautiful dinners every night.

Next step: she fills her pockets with stones and wades into a deep river.

"I'm trying to discern where the 15-year age gap lies."

If the writer is the older one, then it's rosie o.

Wasn’t this kind of the premise for Greta? Maybe inverted?

“I can’t pull out now, I already called U-Haul!”

I can’t wait for the Netflix film of this tale. They really will film anything so it’s a definite possibility.

Kristen Stewart would be magic as the unwashed, unhinged lesbian obsessed with her older boss/mentor. Michelle Pfeiffer would sizzle as her fatal fixation/victim.

Directed by Jodie Foster. Soundtrack by Joan Armatrading to class it up.

And to think this was posted on National Exchange Bread Pudding Recipe Day! I also think it has the fixin’s of a powerful pop ballad a’la “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You”.

Ooh, I love Michelle Pfeiffer.

It could be like when there were multiple Amy Fisher TV movies at the same time.

The low-rent version would star Sara Gilbert and Sharon Stone.

On Peacock, of course.

A straight person being a cock/clit tease to a gay person. What else is new?

She may be a crazy lesbian, and I think her lipstick is a little too much for me, too much red that day, but great lesbian hair and she is rather cute in that picture.

Why is it that every time I encounter a borderline type personally or virtually the person actually is over the line, far from any borders?

“I even picked out a cat for us!”

[quote] I dream about our Victorian home together and a beautiful garden and life. I want nothing else but to make her happy for the rest of her life, make her breakfast every morning and beautiful dinners every night.

The movie trailer will have Stewart making this speech while a weeping, terrorized Pfeiffer stands over the body of her dead housekeeper, who was bludgeoned by a rolling pin.

Every night at 2 am a 10-year-old Subaru Forrester with a dreamcatcher in the back window rolls slowly by the boss' house, lights off ...

' You can’t fall in love with someone who wants nothing to do with you.'

Says a gay man! Ha!

In one of the film’s more controversial scenes, Stewart’s character roofies Pfeiffer’s character’s daily Starbucks.

The latter awakens in a haze in her office chair to find Stewart’s character’s head between her legs, munching on her pussy, her face in ecstasy as she emerges looking like a glazed doughnut.

This is when contact is formally terminated.

And the terror begins.

[quote]I am a lesbian who recently experienced [bold]heartbreak by falling in love with my mentor and boss.[/bold]

People who have ordinary as fuck Jobs and mistake their bosses for some kind of "mentor" are, in almost every case, a.) the reason I hate LinkedIn culture, and b.) deluded loonies barely hanging on by a thread.

Baby Reindeer: Lesbian Edition

The third version will air exclusively on Max after a brief theatrical run. An A24 production, it will star Zendaya as the deranged lesbian with Charlize Theron as her doomed mentor.

Directed by Ti West. Premiering at Cannes.

Poor dizzy dyke just needs Cher to slap her across the face, saying “Snap out of it”!

Not to be outdone, Oprah - returning to her trashy, exploitative talk-show roots - is producing her own version.

“Little Mermaid” Halle Bailey breaks type as a crazed lesbian stalker with Angela Bassett as her maternal boss, who soon discovers there is more to her new employee than meets the eye.

“Girl…Just No!”

Directed by Ava Duvernay.

R48 That's Abby

David DeCocteau is probably reading this thread in order to find inspiration for his next movie for Lifetime.

Am I alone in feeling that the letter writer ended up stalking and murdering the straight woman?

The writer of the letter definitely caught charges for stalking and harassment. Probably multiple times. I wonder how many mug shots she has?

R48 My bad. That's her daughter Jeanne Phillips

R60

So it’s a different lesbian?

Flash forward ten years…

…they are living in that Victorian home with beautiful garden, and the boss is chained in the attic being served rat lunches. The lesbian is in the basement drunk at 2am singing “I’ve written a letter to Ab-bey…”

The Victorian home detail pushes this letter into pure comedy.

R65 No, according to her Wiki she has a husband

R60 = Rose.