Friends who are breaking up. How to choose sides? Stuck in between.

Why exactly do you have to pick sides?

If one of them forced you to pick sides, I'd automatically pick the other side. In other instances, simply rely on standard etiquette.

Why so dramatic, OP?

what is the standard etiquette? R1?

They are not asking me to pick sides but I am finding it hard. one side constantly bitch about the other one....and I do listen since I'm trying to be a good friend. I am trying to be a good friend to both.

Stay out of it.

ok thank you

Get a puppy. It will never put you in this position.

Bullshit, R5

You need to drift away from both of them for a while. It might be hard to keep both but I admire your intention to try.

Stay friends with both but insist they not talk about the other.

I am good friends with each partner of a divorced couple. Chinese wall. When I’m hanging out with one, it’s as if they other doesn’t exist. Sometimes I have to pretend I’m just hearing news about Kid when I’ve heard it from the other one. They both have new partners so it’s not too bad now, no sniping.

Nod sympathetically but say NOTHING, or it WILL come back to bite you on the ass, OP.

Couples sometimes reunite, so it’s good you are not slandering one or the other.

Just remain quiet when they bitch and toss in a few sympathy “mmm” noises and “Oh, hunny” if they seem upset. Or if you are feeling charitable, channel slogans from 1970s motivational posters

Then compliment their appearance because they are probably excited to have new people to screw.

The only time it happened was when a guy I went to high school with broke up with his wife when she found about $1500 of unpaid parking tickets stuffed under the seat of the car on dates and at times when he was "working." He was working all right: fucking a "lingerie model" about half a mile from where they lived, so he could have walked.

Anyway, they divorced and it was hard: I'd known him forever but he was being a shit to her and while I knew and liked her, I didn't know her as well. I flew cross-country to her second wedding and didn't get invited to his. The connection to both of them has withered with time and distance, but the only way to keep your sanity let alone their friendship is to stay out of it.

Threaten to chop the other in half. Whichever friend tries to stop you is the one you keep... Or that's the one you chop in half, depending on how you feel that day.

I'm picking a side coz one of them is a gold digger and only wants my friend for his money. My poor friend is too much of a nice guy to cut the bitch off, he's supporting her $$$ but treating her like shit. That money hungry bitch is only being friends with me coz she wants to be in my good book and playing her sick games.

I know what she's doing and I'm keeping her close so I know how to protect my friend who is rich as fuck but is too nice of a guy to cut this money hungry whore loose.

I’d cut my losses a block both their numbers. I’m not in the habit of helping some dizzy queen(s) pick up the pieces and start putting one foot in front of the other again, and I’m sure as shit not about to start now.

Is your rich friend hot?

Asking for a friend

I'd go with R14's plan and side with the wealthier friend...or the poorer friend if they're set to receive a very generous divorce settlement.

Alternatively, you could make an incredibly inappropriate pass at one of the parties, in which case they'll forget about their hatred for one another and be forced to find a new friend to bitch about YOU with.

Walk away

Lesbian drama.

I never even considered that this might be Lesbian drama. In that case, ditch the Lipstick and side with the Drake. The latter can help out with drywall or building raised beds, and she/they’re always a phone call away if you need a drain snaked out.

If it's two gays, be on the TOP's side.

They are bi!

OP, if they shit-talk each other to you, imagine what they might be saying about you behind your back.

You sound like a good person. I’m not sure either of them deserves you.

R23, thank you very much.

I've been there, and have declared myself Switzerland. I remain neutral, and won't budge from that stance.

Well, I budged once when it turned out that one of them turned physically abusive. I dropped him like a hot potato, even though I was friends with him first.

I befriended the wealthier friend first and even though others told me about this gold digger, I tried to give benefit of doubt. But I now know she's a user and she even asked her best friend to fuck my rich friend, they're both working him.

I would just go "gray rock" whenever either of them tries to talk about the other.

Don't join in the gossip. They may reconcile as friends and then they'll be angry with you.

This is not a difficult problem.

You don't have to choose sides. However, if you want to try to preserve both friendships, you do need to set iron-clad boundaries with both of them. Make clear to them that their relationship split has nothing to do with your friendships with both of them. Along those lines, also make clear to them that they can't discuss their breakup details with you. You're their friend, not their therapist. Do not -- I repeat, DO NOT -- get involved or let them unwittingly involve you. As R25 said...Switzerland.

I've been in your situation a couple times in the past. After the second time, which cost me a life-long friendship, I learned to not let anyone rope me into their relationship turmoil. As long as no one is being abused and it's run of the mill breakup stuff, stay far away and let them sort out their own shit.

R25 Dealing with this now. I initially tried to be cordial with both but the way my (former) friend treated his ex in the breakup was disgusting and showed his narcissism on full display. I've dealt with a lot of shady characters in my life but this one really got me good. He went full mask off on all of us.

Thanks for all the input!

This is all like the plot of a Balzac novel, only not interesting.

Honestly, I'm nosy and fascinated by drama so I want to know all the shocking and dirty details. I don't takes sides but do let them blab on spilling everything.

I would stay out of it.

I would try to get them back together. Too bad you don’t have a twin so you could Parent Trap them.

The gold digger obviously wants to get back together with my rich friend but my rich friend has moved on to other more attractive and younger whores. My rich friend just keeps this gold digger around to use as a verbal punching bag and someone to run his errands etc. he owns an apt and she pays a dirt cheap rent, like under 2000. He can easily get 5000 for the apt but he has known this gold digger for over 8 years and can't let go. He basically fucks whoever he wants and she puts up with it coz she loves his money.

Some women are really into the money. Some of her family members got sick and died and she didn't even go to their funerals etc coz she is illegal and can't leave the country. This gold digger whore is from Poland, a real piece of work.

There is no formula and often you can remain friends with both. It depends on the circumstances of the breakup.

Set a boundary with both and refuse to listen to them talk shit about each other