All the happy people -- specifically couples -- on Instagram

First lesson: stop believing the narrative being presented to you on social media.

Not sure what type of response you want from us?

start lashing out and being unhinged - your psycho energy will eventually attract your soulmate

OP, it's all a lie they're throwing at their own faces like sand so it distracts them from the impermanence of everything.

As for your waiter story, it's just one person and she might have had a bad day. The whole world isn't conspiring against you. Took me ages to figure that out, but life became much more enjoyable once I finally did.

[quote] They have great lives. They're in love. They're affectionate with each other. They have dogs, maybe kids, beautiful homes, travel.

The Watts family had basically all of that and we all know how it ended...

R1's was helpful to be honest, R2

and I'm not opposed to trying R3's. (JK)

Begin by unfollowing all these accounts. Then stop taking one stranger’s attitude/mood personally.

Thank you R4.

Yeah on one hand it was impossible to take the server's attitude personally; I left 20% and told the manager on my way out; "SHE WAS GREAT!"

She might have been having a bad day and a decent tip and a smile from her manager might have helped.

who knows.

I'm just tired and cranky. I'm up for a big job I may or may not get. I just want a chance at being a bit happier.

You sound like you might be wound a little tight, OP. Have you recently quit smoking?

nope. just physically stressed and waiting on a big job.

don't smoke, don't drink.

I suppose like the waitress, I'm having a bad day.

Comparison is the thief of joy. When I'm having a bad day I try to remind myself I've been here before and it passed and will pass again.. and I try not to get angry with myself cos I feel this way. And honestly, I think the poor Watts family is a great example. How many times on crime shows, episodic TV shows, even real life serial killers..have they said, they seemed so normal; look at their social media. I know social media people who are stressed about keeping up with the content needed. I was raised not to show off or boast and think of others who have less...So these people, who show off, are lacking something. U sound like a good guy...just Let it go....

A real relationship that lasts has ups and downs. For the most part, instahos aren't showing you their reality.

[quote] Start lashing out and being unhinged - your psycho energy will eventually attract your soulmate

R3 It worked for my parents!

Congratulations on confusing your waitress. It's likely she expected a poor tip from you.

There’s a gay married couple whose Instagram posts consist mostly of one spouse making fun of his husband and embarrassing him for laughs, follows, and clicks. Then, they recently started doing joint posts with other Instagram “influencers,” and they are such transparent, forced interactions between strangers that have ulterior motives. So OP, not everything on Instagram is something to aspire to.

it’s all fake.

[quote]How in the FUCK can I find a boyfriend when I can't even share a pleasant interaction with a total stranger who is invested in making me happy so she'll get a nice tip?

Have you considered bathing?

Are you fat op? a "5" out of 10? Do you have only 15K in your IRA?

Happiness isn't gained by other people's published self-portraits and presentations as manicured as a country house lawn.

Nor by the harried tone of a restaurant server.

Nor by cataloguing all signs that the lives of others are perfect and yours shit.

And neither by analyzing nor accepting as truth the outward presentations of others.

Accept what you have in life and what you don't as a start. There's always someone who is better looking, smarter, has traveled more, has had more adventures, has a more exciting social calendar. As an adult this shouldn't come as a fucking surprise everytime you leave your house or scroll through the Instagram profiles of influencer wannabees.

I think we'll look back on this era of social media as just as unhealthy psycho-socially as smoking is systemically. Hopefully this will start to decline with increasing government regulation.

My cousin and her boyfriend are both in their mid twenties. They're not stunning but slightly above average and have a toddler son. They post constantly on Instagram and other social media accounts, showing off their fabulous, expensive clothes and gifts, joy-filled lives and weekend getaways. They post lovey dovey messages to each other, and all that jazz.

Reality is that they both dropped out of school and now she's on welfare, and he works on a construction site hating life. They live in a council house in a rather ugly, rough neighbourhood; the house next door is derelict and vandalized constantly/has squatters , and they're constantly calling the police out of fear. Somebody tried to set the house on fire once.

Their baby is constantly screaming and crying. She's always yelling at it to shut up, and the boyfriend's always yelling at her to shut up. I don't know how they afford all their expensive stuff, like designer clothes and perfumes, because they don't seem to have money for important things, like fixing a broken window on their car.

Anyway, my point is, they both look great on social media, but they seem miserable in real life. The weekend getaway pics are frauds; they just stand outside random bed and breakfast establishments to make it look like they're guests, but it's only for the pic and they immediately leave. All the pretty pics of them in front of flowers and gardens are public parks.

To look at those two on social media, you'd think they're reality or movie stars, but in real life they seem to have nothing good going for them.

[quote] The Watts family had basically all of that and we all know how it ended...

What breed of dogs?

Your situation is not unique

All I know from reading the DL is that most are unhappy. Most don’t have a boyfriend. Many seem depressed. It’s a sad sad DL here with not much hope for the future,

Good Luck

.

Envy no one, OP. You have no idea what is really going on behind the facade or what the future holds in store for them.

About the waitress, I'm starting to think people show their worst and ugliest sides to some people. There was an old timer at work who everyone adored and thought he was the greatest guy in the world. He sent me violent and racist stuff on WhatsApp, not a lot but after I asked him not to and he still did, I blocked him. There were a few things he said to me that were out of line and I had to confront him on it. This shit happens a lot to me. People seem to show themselves to me, not necessarily at me, that either they don't show to others, others don't see or others ignore.

Plenty of people would love to have your life, op, regardless of how you feel about it. Social media is gauche and tacky. Be your own man!

OP, the waitress with an attitude might be homophobic. A lot of women hate gay men. I'm sure this isn't news to you.

As far as social media, try to see the amusement in all the fakery?

My niece posts alot about her great life on social media. She does have a nice life but she has a lot of problems also. But you’d only know that if you were close to here. Get off social media if you don’t realize that’s true for 99% of the people on there. Also don’t take the actions of strangers personally. Maybe she got dumped by her bf that day. You are NOT a victim.

Bitter, party of one . . .

Try smiling more. Make an effort to be more pleasant, even if you're not in the mood. Positive energy will attract positive energy. Bitterness will attract snippy comments from servers.

You are responsible for your own experience of life.

Get off instagram, tik tok, DL get off the fucking computer. Go outside and meet real,people have real conversations with real people

Or stay online with the unhappy unloved depressed people pissing and moaning about how bad their life is.

It could be worse! Think of the proverb - I cried because I had no shoes, until I met the man with no feet and then I laughed and felt better about myself.

And who said that? Jesus! And then he got some cute sandals and it all worked out. So buck up and get back on that cross!

Instagram feels like one massive fake fest. I don't think I've ever followed any couples, I just sometimes see Instagram reels promoted on Facebook of couples who set up 'funny' or 'cute' scenarios.

There's one at the moment with a married couple where the woman is American and the guy is English. They set up these zany videos that accentuate his Britishness, as they live together in America. It all plays off him being attractive with a 'hot' accent. But as an English person, few things are more cringey when a fellow Brit struts around in America thinking they all find the 'British' accent irresistible, when I'm sure many American either are indifferent or dislike it.

Anyone who is posting their daily lives on social media is not happy. It's all a sham.

Due to work I was forced to interact one day with a 20 something girl who spent the entire time regaling me with how outraged she was that Tik Tok might me banned. Her free speech, as well as her 7 year old son's, was at stake in her world. Yes, I'm an elder but I don't understand why these people want to post shit on social media constantly. Then again, I'm the old fart who was appalled that everyone in the restaurant was glued to their phones and not interacting with their companions.

The longer this plays out, the more revolting I find it to post personal info and pictures on the socials.

Frau here. I am friends with these rich pretty ladies; trust me, most of them are on Xanax and their husbands are cheating dicks. They dont have fun on these vacations bc theyre still busy watching the kids and their houses are nice but they have shitty mother-in-laws and family who feel entitled to come visit whenever they want. It is a turd with glitter on it

A friend of mine has a niece who is trying to be an influencer because she doesn't want to work. She goes to random marinas, changes into a bikini and poses lying on the deck of sailboats, pouting and all that other bullshit, and posting it on IG as if she's living this fabulous yachting life.

Delete Insta for half a year and see how it goes. Everyone who is prone to taking curated insta personalities at face value should do the same.

Go to sleep for 8 hrs

I doubt OP will stop looking at Instagram. Lots of DL threads get started by people like OP, who can’t stop comparing their lives to the facades on Instagram. Hence, miserable and lamenting.

Former restaurant worker here. I would not have tipped someone who snarled out words at me. Zero percent.

Why follow someone whose only posts are about themselves? I spend an hour or two a day with Instagram and follow thousands of posters, but all of them have some interests in common with mine. None of them post endless selfies or talk about their fabulous new acquisitions or holidays. If they go on holiday, the posts are of architecture or landscapes or paintings or cats or dogs they encounter, or sometimes food, or museums, or street scenes. Interest in those things is what we have in common.

I don't give a rat's ass about how they look making fish lips and showing off their new sunglasses with maybe a sliver of an exotic background. I don't care what airline they flew or what hotel comped their stay in return for gushing reviews and photos. I can barely be bothered to "like"/care about those things from my good friends and family. And the only kind of selfie I have ever posted is a bit of a shadow or a fragmented reflection in a distant mirror.

If you go to Instagram looking for attractive people showing off in endless selfies and posed to look (they think) worldy and rich, you will never live long enough to scroll to the bottom. Its a bottomless pit of people showing off, or thinking they are showing off, or just looking fucking sad posting the same photo 800x in the same identical pose. You get what you look for on Instagram. If inclined, I can find posts of obscure works of obscure painters whose works are barely searchable in museum collections. There is great stuff available even in Instagram which many assume is nothing but selfies and cute cats and selfies with cute cats.

If you don't go looking for ridiculous shit that you don't want to see, OP, its remarkable how fast your problem will disappear. Or carry on tormenting yourself thinking everyone has it better than you do.

R34

Not to be obvious but here you are on a social media forum DL not actually interacting with others, talking all about tik tok, free speech, yourself, your age range, your co worker, her son,

No one who posts on DL should be making fun of others who are doing pretty much the exact same just somewhere else.

[quote]not everything on Instagram is something to aspire to.

None of it is.

I’m annoyed by the gay ones. Even if it’s all for show, they are still hot which means they have hundreds of men that would date them if their current boyfriend or husband doesn’t work out. These guys won the genetic lottery and are living my dream life.

I’m part happy for them but mainly sad for me when I see what they get to have.

Unfollow these accounts OP.

It’s all fiction and it’s making you feel bad. What’s the point?

[quote] No one who posts on DL should be making fun of others who are doing pretty much the exact same just somewhere else.

I do think there's a difference between posting on DL anonymously vs. posting photos of your face, your spouse's and children's faces, cars, inside of your house, and vacation destinations. Also, on Instagram, you're following, un-following, interacting, forming cliques, excluding people, etc.

Think about social media as a cocktail party. Everybody is putting their best face forward and trying to keep things pleasant. It isn't a reflection of the totality of everybodys story, just the pleasant stuff.

Op I used to feel the same way and I thought the answer was to post my every thought and feeling good and bad to social media but I soon realized that that's not the answer either. It's just as if not more obnoxious to subject your social media network to endless screeds and gripes and venting and pity parties as it is to a curated image of seamless happiness.

Now my feed is a stream of smiling pictures with friends, me and my boyfriend being cute, and my dog being a rascal. It isn't the whole story but it isn't fake either. The moments of happiness are real and what I choose to share and remember.

There's no perfect answer. The best thing to do is try not to compare. Try to practice being happy for others and if you haven't already, take some time to consider the advantages your life and situation provide you that might seem very appealing to someone who does not have them. Aka gratitude.

MARY!

Where's my mug?

All I can think of is how exhausting it must be to lie 24/7.

I mean do you honestly expect people to post videos where they are fighting with their partners, binge eating alone and being bullied by their bosses? What do you want from people? I imagine that you want to be seen at your best rather than at your worst, so why wouldn't you understand other people doing the same?

This couple was given a honeymoon in Italy, courtesy of Olive Garden.

Why the urge to post videos at all?

here you go OP

[quote] Why the urge to post videos at all?

Exactly.

This is very frau behavior.

The more perfect on the outside, the bigger the lie.

I read posts like this and remind myself that getting off SM was one of the most liberating days of my life.

R29, I always feel that an aphorism like that is tantamount to victim-blaming. If you apply it to specific people and situations, such as the Israeli victims of Hamas, you can see right away what a fraudulent notion it is.

R54, I feel better, thank you.

OP here. For what it's worth, I gave the manager a thumbs up on the waitress and her a nice tip b/c who knows what kind of day she was having before I got there?

Maybe her uncle had just died or maybe the last two tables stiffed her or she didn't get that callback she wanted.

Tho in fairness to me, my pal reminded me today that she showed up at the table in a pissy mood, directed at me specifically.

I'm often a magnet for assholes and bullies. It's up to me to handle it better.