How many gay men on DL actually have a straight male friend who they hang out with? I know that the sterotypical gay man is supposed to have a straight girlfriend or two. I have a very good friend who is straight. He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle since before we were in high school. He has stood up for me when others were judgemental. However, many of my friends do not believe we have never had sex or are close friends. They claim he is only my friend because deep down he wants to fuck me. Any thoughts??
Straight men/gay friends
|by Anonymous||reply 89||01/27/2015|
[quote]He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle %0D %0D You flyover queens and your antiquated language...ugh.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||12/26/2010|
Is he a hipster?
|by Anonymous||reply 2||12/26/2010|
Absolutely it happens. I met my friend Jim through his wife and I'm close to both of them. I consider them family, in fact they're closer to me than my blood relatives.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||12/26/2010|
Your lifestyle? Your lifestyle? Sounds like this was written by a flyover frau pretending to be a gay man. Or possibly a gay man pretending to be a flyover frau pretending to be a gay man. Either way, it's disturbing.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||12/26/2010|
r4 Are you semi retarded?? Yes, my lifestyle. My gay lifestyle as opposed to his hetero lifestyle. What's so hard to understand? You see, it goes like this. I prefer to sleep with men and he prefers to sleep with women, particularly, one woman, his wife. We have been good friends for years and we don't have sex together because I don't look at him that way and he doesn't look at me that way. Ok, do we understand now??
|by Anonymous||reply 5||12/26/2010|
I was just thinking about this. I have a lot of straight guy friends but I have been friends with them since before I came out. (mostly from college). %0D %0D I'm not sure I have made a true friendship with a straight guy who knew up front that I was gay. %0D %0D (unless they were closeted themselves)
|by Anonymous||reply 6||12/26/2010|
Does the word 'lifestyle' suggest choice?
|by Anonymous||reply 7||12/26/2010|
For me, lifestyle means the way I live my life, as a gay man. I don't know how anyone else uses it and I don't care. It's not a choice for me, its who I am.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||12/26/2010|
This is such a troll post. Only straight Republicans like Sarah Palin think homosexuality is a lifestyle.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||12/26/2010|
Lost me at "lifestyle".
|by Anonymous||reply 11||12/26/2010|
[quote]My gay lifestyle
I thought that people stopped using that absurd phrase about 20 years ago.
[quote]He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle
Uggh. Would anyone ever use that to denote a "straight lifestyle"? No. So, why would we want to apply it to ourselves? You are gay, he is straight. You both have lives. Leave the style nonsense out of it.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||12/26/2010|
My best friend is straight, married with children. there is nothing we don't talk about and there is nothing he or I do not know about each other's sex life. My partner is best friends with his wife. We see each other about 4 times a year and are simply comfortable together. We go hunting and on occaison have slept in the same bed together. %0D %0D %0D There is nothing I won't do for him, his wife or children. I know he is a good looking guy and I gather he was a twink when he was young, but I could not imagine us doing anything other than pulling practical jokes on each other. I just don't see him in a "sexual" way.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||12/26/2010|
People think that "Fag" is the gay insult most similar to "Nigger" for blacks, but it's actually "Lifestyle".
|by Anonymous||reply 14||12/26/2010|
I'm interested in answers to the OP's question rather than semantic quibbles.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||12/26/2010|
I have 3 "best friends". A gay man, a straight woman, and a straight man. I call them "my fag, my hag, and my stag". I love them all dearly but my straight male friend is definitely #1 (and they all know it). His 2 children are my God children.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||12/26/2010|
[quote]I'm interested in answers to the OP's question rather than semantic quibbles.
Datalounge: love it or leave it.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||12/26/2010|
r16 that's great. My friend and his wife don't have kids yet, but I can't wait for that. They have been more of a family to me than some of my own blood relatives. I just get angry when some other friends, mostly gay, insinuate that we are only friends because deep down he wants to have sex with me. I tell them we are true friends but they don't believe it. I'm glad others have a similar situation.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||12/26/2010|
[quote]Does the word 'lifestyle' suggest choice?
Yes it does. You'd use that word in the context of being a gym-rat, a health-nut, a partier, a church goer, a hobbyist... stuff that you choose to do.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||12/26/2010|
I am scared to have one in case he turn on me.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||12/26/2010|
I have a younger coworker who grew up in San Francisco. He's had many gay friends, I've had many straight friends. He actually understands where I coming from. Couldn't be a better relationship.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||12/26/2010|
"Lifestyle" suggests being gay were a matter of choosing end tables or what wine to serve with dinner.
I have a sexual orientation, which I believe was genetically assigned before I was even born.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||12/26/2010|
Shut up with the lifesyle shit. We get it. I'm sure OP is very sorry he didn't choose his words more carefully. Enough.%0D %0D %0D More stories about gay/straight friendships please.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||12/26/2010|
Do you really have heterosexual male friends? Heterosexual male friends that you go camping, fishing, to the movies or play sports with or are these guys you just talk to when you see them? Heterosexual males from everything I've seen RARELY have friendships with anyone other than heterosexual males. They will talk to gay men especially when they need something but other than that they purposefully refuse to socialize with gay men.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||12/26/2010|
I used to have a straight best friend, well, a bit bisexual but not toward me. Anyhoo, it has been noticeably cooler since I cut his wife out of my life for voting for Bush twice. She had been jealous, though there was nothing sexual or even emotional between us, but she seemed to be civil at least before that. So I keep in touch, but it is rare he says anything to me.%0D
|by Anonymous||reply 25||12/26/2010|
My two best friends (male) are straight. one of them was the one who basically forced me out of the closet. One is Jamaican-American and as straight as can be (married, two kids), the other is Irish-American, son of a cop.
I sometimes wish I could have a gay friend I'm as close with the way I'm close with them but then I realize I'm as close to them as I am to my brothers and I'm not missing out on anything. But then I came out when I was in my late 20s and these guys (and a third with whom I'm no longer friends) were my best buds for years and I can't imagine life without them. They are incredibly supportive and gay friendly to me (but it was a journey). I'm the godfather to one of the kids.
I don't really have close gay friends. I have ex boyfriends with whom I'm friends. But I like football and I'm not super gay and I honestly tend to get along better with straight guys than gay ones. Every time I meet gay guys through friends, it gets awkward when they hit on me and I'm not interested and it's a pain, frankly.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||12/26/2010|
I am a musician, I have many straight guy friends who are also musicians. No big whoop.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||12/26/2010|
i wish my gay(former)friends were as supportive as my straight friends... like the reply above, i'm god father to my straight friends son, we -- wife, friend and i go on weekend out of town together, dinners, game night.... his wife family has completely accepted, and dear to me also.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||12/26/2010|
God, the vast majority of my close friends are straight guys. My best friend is from college - he's basically like my brother, even though I don't see him too frequently since he lives in Europe, but we've been emotionally close for 20+ years. I have lots of straight friends from grad school and elsewhere, too. I have exactly one close gay male friend.%0D %0D I tend to have tight emotional bonds with somewhat difficult, intellectual straight guys. I find that a lot of gay men are very cliquish and isolated - living in the gayborhood and only associating with other gay men. That's not me. I feel like I can talk about anything with my friends, but most gay guys I meet only want to talk about the bars, about sex, etc.%0D %0D Obviously cool straight guys are out there, but they seem to be harder to find.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||12/26/2010|
Argh, I meant that cool gay guys are out there, but they're hard to find.%0D %0D Also, the premise of this thread confirms something I find disconcerting - so many gay guys find it inconceivable that a gay man would have straight male friends. I'd say 90%+ of gay guys I know (including my boyfriend) hang out mostly with other gay guys, and possibly a few straight women. I seem to be the only gay I know with a posse of straight guys in my life.%0D %0D I used to think this was a generational thing, with many older gay men having been scarred emotionally by growing up in a more homophobic time. Yet I know a lot of gay guys in their mid-to-late 20s who only associate with other gay men.%0D %0D I just find that to be sad. Oh well - it's not my life.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||12/26/2010|
I dare you to ask a straight guy if he sleeps with men, but prefers women.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||12/26/2010|
Wish I had more gay male friends, but I suppose there's usually some sort of sexual tension or other drama that keeps me away. Most of my friends are straight men. Most straight men honestly repulse me, but in my old age I feel more comfortable and interested in talking about broken engines or toilets or health insurance plans. Straight men can be the bitchiest, most gossiping worthless sluts around, too. Most of my childhood friends were hetero dudes and none of those who remained close are weird about sexuality as adults.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||12/27/2010|
I have tons of straight male friends. Of course, they don't know that I'm gay...
|by Anonymous||reply 34||12/27/2010|
I can't have gay friends anymore because I always just sleep with all of them.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||12/27/2010|
Because he likes you as a person, OP?
|by Anonymous||reply 36||12/27/2010|
R35, even the ugly ones?
|by Anonymous||reply 37||12/27/2010|
How many of these straight male friends are from before you came out?
I'd like to hear stories of straight men/gay men friendships that started off with the straight guy knowing you were gay from the get-go.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||12/27/2010|
"there is nothing he or I do not know about each other's sex life"%0D %0D R13 - That sounds a bit icky.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||12/27/2010|
R37, I have no ugly friends. Why would I want to?
|by Anonymous||reply 40||12/27/2010|
r38 - Although I don't have gayvoice, when I open my mouth, lube, dildoes, and cockrings fall out. I live in SF and work in the burbs. Most of my friends are straight guys from work who knew I was gay when we met (I made sure of that). There are 4-5 of us who hang out on weekends. Sadly, not one of them wants to fuck me, but one dude has a man-crush on my partner, we all believe.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||12/27/2010|
What a weird question.%0D %0D Of my three closest male friends, one is gay and the other two are straight. Both knew I was gay when we met.%0D %0D I find it hard to believe there are gay men out there without straight friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||12/27/2010|
I have some straight male friends, but good ones are hard to find. Good friends in general are hard to find. Most straight guys I've known have been bitchy gossips, no better than any other orientation or gender, and the elevation/idealization of them by DL continues to be a mystery to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||12/27/2010|
[quote]Heterosexual males from everything I've seen RARELY have friendships with anyone other than heterosexual males. %0D %0D Then you haven't seen very much. Perhaps you're too much of a flamer and that chases away the possibility of straight friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||12/27/2010|
I have LOTS of straight male friends, but I'm in a profession where being gay is the norm, being straight is sort of being the interloper (classical music). The straight guys are all TOTALLY cool with gay guys, they even giggle when hit on. In my twenty years being out I've only had to deal with one (crazy) straight colleague who was a homophobe (he was also a freak that no one trusts).
|by Anonymous||reply 45||12/27/2010|
Ugly how closeted the respondents on this thread sound. Disgusting.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||12/27/2010|
My closest friends are evenly divided between straight guys and straight women. My best friend recently got hired as a performer on an adult site that caters an audience that's primarily gay. He's the most open-minded straight guy in the world---he's a big guy and the only time he's ever gotten into a fistfight was when one of his teammates was on my case for being gay.
It's just a big, goofy lifelong bromance. (His mom always jokes, "Every night I pray for (Erik) to wake up gay so he can ditch that whore of a girlfriend a marry you.". So he had to promise her that if ever happens, he will propose.
I think that as long as a both parties are comfortable in their own identities, sexuality isn't that big of a deal in a friendship.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||12/27/2010|
I have had several close straight male friends. Many of them live in different towns now, but one lives in my town and we are very good friends and hang out often.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||12/27/2010|
I have a boyfriend, and a "Straight boyfriend" - he's Beta-male to my Alpha and my boyfriend loves him to bits. straight friends are great.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||12/27/2010|
R44 No, I live in the real world. A lot of these responses are from delusional people. Doesn't matter if you are masculine or effeminate haterosexual males avoid socializing with gay men. I assume most of these comments praising haterosexual males are coming from gay men. These are the type of gay men who want to disassociate from gay people because of the stigma HATEROSEXUALS put on gay people and when they get called a fag and punched in the face by a group of haterosexual males in the street want to come running to the gay community looking for support only to find that most are like them, they don't want to hear that hateros did you wrong because in their screwed up head hateros are always right.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||12/27/2010|
I'll be sure, r50, to share your thoughts with my highly straight best friend, for whose wedding I served as best man, when I see him next.%0D %0D My god, you're damaged. Seek therapy - please, for your own good.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||12/27/2010|
[quote]Doesn't matter if you are masculine or effeminate haterosexual (sic) males avoid socializing with gay men
you're incorrect there, young man.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||12/27/2010|
Wow R50, you must be so lonely. My best friend is simply my best friend. It didn't start out that way but we came best friends. No romance, just a hell of a lot in common. When there's no sexual tension or possible competition, then all that is left is comfortable, safe.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||12/27/2010|
R51 and R52 are typical responses. They attack me personally and don't refute what I say. Somehow individual cases represent the whole. I doubt these heterosexual friendship stories are real or as what these posters think they are. It is RARE for a heterosexual male to have a gay male friend who he interacts with like he does with heterosexual male friends like playing sports on Saturday, watching a movie together (in the movie theaters), going on fishing trips on the ocean etc.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||12/27/2010|
[quote]But then I came out when I was in my late 20s and these guys (and a third with whom I'm no longer friends) were my best buds for years and I can't imagine life without them.
You contradicted yourself. You already lost one of the 3, so you can imagine life without him.
And the people claiming that straight men make better friends than gay men (or worse, that they're too straight-acting to be friends with gay men) sound every bit as damaged as R50, and maybe more in need of therapy.
Funny how people on here think they come off to others. Hint: you don't sound self-assured and comfortable in your own gay skin when you talk about others being too flaming to make friends. And when you imply that a straight person is a more valuable friend, you just sound like a Log Cabinette.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||12/27/2010|
[quote]They attack me personally and don't refute what I say.
NO! I DID refute, idiot! I said that you were INCORRECT - straight men happily hang out with me, my boyfriend and with other gay men, it's the truth and you are a sick paranoid fuck-up!
|by Anonymous||reply 56||12/27/2010|
"Family" are really the only ones you can trust. Straights, both male and female, that you knew before coming out, eventually, always, pull away. Straight males you meet after coming out, assume if they get to know you, you will hit on them (which is never the case), females, after you are out, just want a new "girlfriend", which many gay males don't want to become.
It is just easier to stick to family only. Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". (however leather bears freak me out!)
|by Anonymous||reply 57||12/27/2010|
Amazing, isn't it - that as a group we preach diversity, and yet when we discuss it in our personal lives we hit stereotypes worse than most straights put on us.%0D %0D It's entirely possible for gay men to have close straight male friends. But it's also possible some don't know or have any - so much depends on the personalities, locations, etc. In other words -it's really impossible to expect simliarity.%0D %0D If you want a straight friend and don't have one -perhaps that is an issue. But just as straight men and women can be friends without having sex, so can straight men gay men.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||12/27/2010|
[quote]They attack me personally and don't refute what I say. %0D %0D %0D Since people know you're very wrong, why would you expect them to list, case by case, every illustration that proves you wrong. %0D %0D They both agree that you're wrong and I, also, know for a fact that you're wrong. Others will agree. We can't be bothered to take time to make you change your mind on this matter. %0D %0D No doubt, there's something about you that keeps straight men from showing you friendship. Are you into Sequins & Mascara? Do you wave a rainbow flag while swishing down the street? Do you lisp and dye your hair pink? Are you into Standing & Modeling?%0D %0D
|by Anonymous||reply 59||12/27/2010|
Deep down, he wants to fuck you OP.
So deep, and oh so down low.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||12/27/2010|
R60 Is exactly what I was referring to when I posted this. My other friends do not believe that such a friendship can exist without a sexual undertone but I assure them that it does. I wanted to see if others had good friendships with straight men. I'm very glad to see the positive responses from others who share those friendships. I love all my close friends, but my relationship with my straight friend means the most to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||12/27/2010|
you're fucking out of your noggin! the two friends have been closest too over the past twenty years are both straight, one female, one male. and we've all seen really hard times together. we're all in our forties and still as close as ever.
you're totally pulling this out of your own ass, get OVER yourself!
|by Anonymous||reply 62||12/27/2010|
[quote]Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". (however leather bears freak me out!)
you sound HOPELESS
|by Anonymous||reply 63||12/27/2010|
R61, I'll fess up, I was tweaking you.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||12/27/2010|
[quote]Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". %0D %0D Gee, thanks.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||12/27/2010|
I have straight friends but I always lust after them. I've seen them all naked before (gym, urinals, etc.). Some I've sucked off while drunk. I really don't understand the people who say that attraction plays no part in the friendship.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||12/28/2010|
Apparently, R66 has less straight friends then he thinks he has.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||12/28/2010|
I have to admit that my best straight friends (and gay ones, for that matter) are the ones I'm not attracted to.
If there's an attraction, it just gets weird. I totally blame myself.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||12/28/2010|
R56 You didn't refute anything I wrote. All you wrote was you had a heterosexual "friend" which as I wrote before individual experiences do not represent the whole. The fact is heterosexual male friendships with gay men are rare and that is because heterosexuals don't want them.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||12/28/2010|
I do not have any straight male friends. Where I live gay people are not liked. It is very seperate here - segregated. And, the gay men who have sex with men refer to themselves as "straight". But, if you are honest about who you are, consider yourself an outcast and pretty much treated like a Leper.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||12/28/2010|
where you live sounds horrid
|by Anonymous||reply 71||12/28/2010|
I don't really have any close gay friends. You know why? Because one of them got me drunk and took advantage (not talking rape obviously, but he horned me up and I was 'a whore, darlin') and the other one disappeared off the face of the earth as soon as he got his fabulous new boyfriend.
I know some cool gay guys as netfriends whom I hope to develop deeper friendships with, but that's the extent of it.
All my close friends are straight- male and female.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||12/28/2010|
R72, that happened to me 20 or so years ago. I had a small group of what I thought were close friends, who by the way were gay. Not one, but two took advantage of me when I was drunk (again, not rape, but got me all hot and bothered and we had sex). Two others would disappear for weeks or months with their new "he's the one" and not return calls. I gave up on gay guy and friendships because of the "possible sexual" tension and the flightiness of many guys.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||12/28/2010|
Im still working on trusting straight guys.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||12/28/2010|
[quote]I don't really have any close gay friends. All my close friends are straight- male and female.%0D %0D I'm guessing what you all have in common is your dislike for gay guys.%0D %0D
|by Anonymous||reply 75||12/28/2010|
R75 you're stretching so much I can see your ass crack.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||12/28/2010|
Most of my friends are straight men. I dont know why that is, it just sort of happened. But I can totally relate to what OP is saying. I had a roommate in college who is straight and we developed a really good friendship which continues to today. But back then, a few gay guys I knew insisted he must secretly be gay. "Why else would he be friends with a gay guy?" they would ask, as if that was proof enough. People like that are idiots.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||08/15/2013|
My best friend and I have been best buds for 40+ years ( we're both 48) We've been friends since kindergarten.
When I was 14, I admitted to him "Paul--I'm gay" I thought for sure he would punch me, or at the least say "Fuck you, fag. We're not friends anymore." He just looked at me and said "As long as you don't try to suck my dick, I'm cool with it. You're my friend."
He's married, has kids and grandkids. We still watch football together, go to car races, fishing, etc. and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. And no--I have no desire to sleep with him. I never did. We're just friends--best friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||08/15/2013|
Most of my close male friends are straight--some from before I came out, some after. We talk about our sex lives--well they would like to talk more; I don't really like to talk about my sex life very much. Most of them have been to gay bars with me and have had a blast. And no, none of them are closeted. They all love fucking women too much to be gay--and none of them would have a problem being out if they truly were gay. I have had some gay guys refuse to believe I'm not sleeping with them--well, the hot ones of course.
I only really have one close gay friend. I wish I had more.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||08/16/2013|
I'm with R29/R30. And R50 is a prissy nut, it couldn't be more obvious.
As I've gotten older, I've become friends with more gay guys. Most of them I got to know through some network or scene that was based around men wanting to hook up with other men. "Cruising" buddies and whatnot. Gotta have somebody to talk about dick with.
But more than half of my dude friends are straight. Most of my friends in general are dudes -- straight ones. I had a gay male roommate last year, and when the time came to replace our other, female roommate, I was interested primarily in the straight male respondents to our ad. He said he didn't feel comfortable living with a straight guy. He's pretty queeny; his friends are all chicks and other queeny gay guys. I personally would have chosen to live with yet another female before I'd pick another gay guy as a roommate. The guy we ended up with was straight; predictably, the two of them didn't get along, despite the straight roommate being very sensible, forward thinking, and not remotely homophobic. (I'm openly gay, and the straight dude and I get along fine and continue to room together.)
I think most gay guys who have close friendships with straight guys are probably not the typical prance-y, bobble-head, Valley Girl type. But then I don't know the ins and outs of all these gay/straight friendships. Just a hunch.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||08/16/2013|
The new normal is here.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||09/09/2013|
I live in the Midwest and I can't speak about my boyfriend/partner to straight guys without a look of disgust.
I want to some of your nice and probably not imaginary straight male friends.
Where do you live? I want to come there. Seems so nice.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||09/09/2013|
most of my female friends are straight
|by Anonymous||reply 87||09/09/2013|
Just be a normal dude.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||01/27/2015|
I have a few, these guys are the best friends I could ask for. There is something about bonding with straight but not narrow guys, makes me feel manly. These guys love me, say so, and I adore them.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||01/27/2015|