Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

Straight men/gay friends

How many gay men on DL actually have a straight male friend who they hang out with? I know that the sterotypical gay man is supposed to have a straight girlfriend or two. I have a very good friend who is straight. He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle since before we were in high school. He has stood up for me when others were judgemental. However, many of my friends do not believe we have never had sex or are close friends. They claim he is only my friend because deep down he wants to fuck me. Any thoughts??

by Anonymousreply 8901/27/2015

[quote]He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle %0D %0D You flyover queens and your antiquated language...ugh.

by Anonymousreply 112/26/2010

Is he a hipster?

by Anonymousreply 212/26/2010

Absolutely it happens. I met my friend Jim through his wife and I'm close to both of them. I consider them family, in fact they're closer to me than my blood relatives.

by Anonymousreply 312/26/2010

Your lifestyle? Your lifestyle? Sounds like this was written by a flyover frau pretending to be a gay man. Or possibly a gay man pretending to be a flyover frau pretending to be a gay man. Either way, it's disturbing.

by Anonymousreply 412/26/2010

r4 Are you semi retarded?? Yes, my lifestyle. My gay lifestyle as opposed to his hetero lifestyle. What's so hard to understand? You see, it goes like this. I prefer to sleep with men and he prefers to sleep with women, particularly, one woman, his wife. We have been good friends for years and we don't have sex together because I don't look at him that way and he doesn't look at me that way. Ok, do we understand now??

by Anonymousreply 512/26/2010

I was just thinking about this. I have a lot of straight guy friends but I have been friends with them since before I came out. (mostly from college). %0D %0D I'm not sure I have made a true friendship with a straight guy who knew up front that I was gay. %0D %0D (unless they were closeted themselves)

by Anonymousreply 612/26/2010

Does the word 'lifestyle' suggest choice?

by Anonymousreply 712/26/2010

For me, lifestyle means the way I live my life, as a gay man. I don't know how anyone else uses it and I don't care. It's not a choice for me, its who I am.

by Anonymousreply 812/26/2010

This is such a troll post. Only straight Republicans like Sarah Palin think homosexuality is a lifestyle.

by Anonymousreply 912/26/2010

Lost me at "lifestyle".

by Anonymousreply 1112/26/2010

[quote]My gay lifestyle

I thought that people stopped using that absurd phrase about 20 years ago.

[quote]He has long been a supporter of my lifestyle

Uggh. Would anyone ever use that to denote a "straight lifestyle"? No. So, why would we want to apply it to ourselves? You are gay, he is straight. You both have lives. Leave the style nonsense out of it.

by Anonymousreply 1212/26/2010

My best friend is straight, married with children. there is nothing we don't talk about and there is nothing he or I do not know about each other's sex life. My partner is best friends with his wife. We see each other about 4 times a year and are simply comfortable together. We go hunting and on occaison have slept in the same bed together. %0D %0D %0D There is nothing I won't do for him, his wife or children. I know he is a good looking guy and I gather he was a twink when he was young, but I could not imagine us doing anything other than pulling practical jokes on each other. I just don't see him in a "sexual" way.

by Anonymousreply 1312/26/2010

People think that "Fag" is the gay insult most similar to "Nigger" for blacks, but it's actually "Lifestyle".

by Anonymousreply 1412/26/2010

I'm interested in answers to the OP's question rather than semantic quibbles.

by Anonymousreply 1512/26/2010

I have 3 "best friends". A gay man, a straight woman, and a straight man. I call them "my fag, my hag, and my stag". I love them all dearly but my straight male friend is definitely #1 (and they all know it). His 2 children are my God children.

by Anonymousreply 1612/26/2010

[quote]I'm interested in answers to the OP's question rather than semantic quibbles.

Datalounge: love it or leave it.

by Anonymousreply 1712/26/2010

r16 that's great. My friend and his wife don't have kids yet, but I can't wait for that. They have been more of a family to me than some of my own blood relatives. I just get angry when some other friends, mostly gay, insinuate that we are only friends because deep down he wants to have sex with me. I tell them we are true friends but they don't believe it. I'm glad others have a similar situation.

by Anonymousreply 1812/26/2010

[quote]Does the word 'lifestyle' suggest choice?

Yes it does. You'd use that word in the context of being a gym-rat, a health-nut, a partier, a church goer, a hobbyist... stuff that you choose to do.

by Anonymousreply 1912/26/2010

I am scared to have one in case he turn on me.

by Anonymousreply 2012/26/2010

I have a younger coworker who grew up in San Francisco. He's had many gay friends, I've had many straight friends. He actually understands where I coming from. Couldn't be a better relationship.

by Anonymousreply 2112/26/2010

"Lifestyle" suggests being gay were a matter of choosing end tables or what wine to serve with dinner.

I have a sexual orientation, which I believe was genetically assigned before I was even born.

Next.

by Anonymousreply 2212/26/2010

Shut up with the lifesyle shit. We get it. I'm sure OP is very sorry he didn't choose his words more carefully. Enough.%0D %0D %0D More stories about gay/straight friendships please.

by Anonymousreply 2312/26/2010

Do you really have heterosexual male friends? Heterosexual male friends that you go camping, fishing, to the movies or play sports with or are these guys you just talk to when you see them? Heterosexual males from everything I've seen RARELY have friendships with anyone other than heterosexual males. They will talk to gay men especially when they need something but other than that they purposefully refuse to socialize with gay men.

by Anonymousreply 2412/26/2010

I used to have a straight best friend, well, a bit bisexual but not toward me. Anyhoo, it has been noticeably cooler since I cut his wife out of my life for voting for Bush twice. She had been jealous, though there was nothing sexual or even emotional between us, but she seemed to be civil at least before that. So I keep in touch, but it is rare he says anything to me.%0D

by Anonymousreply 2512/26/2010

My two best friends (male) are straight. one of them was the one who basically forced me out of the closet. One is Jamaican-American and as straight as can be (married, two kids), the other is Irish-American, son of a cop.

I sometimes wish I could have a gay friend I'm as close with the way I'm close with them but then I realize I'm as close to them as I am to my brothers and I'm not missing out on anything. But then I came out when I was in my late 20s and these guys (and a third with whom I'm no longer friends) were my best buds for years and I can't imagine life without them. They are incredibly supportive and gay friendly to me (but it was a journey). I'm the godfather to one of the kids.

I don't really have close gay friends. I have ex boyfriends with whom I'm friends. But I like football and I'm not super gay and I honestly tend to get along better with straight guys than gay ones. Every time I meet gay guys through friends, it gets awkward when they hit on me and I'm not interested and it's a pain, frankly.

by Anonymousreply 2612/26/2010

I am a musician, I have many straight guy friends who are also musicians. No big whoop.

by Anonymousreply 2712/26/2010

i wish my gay(former)friends were as supportive as my straight friends... like the reply above, i'm god father to my straight friends son, we -- wife, friend and i go on weekend out of town together, dinners, game night.... his wife family has completely accepted, and dear to me also.

by Anonymousreply 2812/26/2010

God, the vast majority of my close friends are straight guys. My best friend is from college - he's basically like my brother, even though I don't see him too frequently since he lives in Europe, but we've been emotionally close for 20+ years. I have lots of straight friends from grad school and elsewhere, too. I have exactly one close gay male friend.%0D %0D I tend to have tight emotional bonds with somewhat difficult, intellectual straight guys. I find that a lot of gay men are very cliquish and isolated - living in the gayborhood and only associating with other gay men. That's not me. I feel like I can talk about anything with my friends, but most gay guys I meet only want to talk about the bars, about sex, etc.%0D %0D Obviously cool straight guys are out there, but they seem to be harder to find.

by Anonymousreply 2912/26/2010

Argh, I meant that cool gay guys are out there, but they're hard to find.%0D %0D Also, the premise of this thread confirms something I find disconcerting - so many gay guys find it inconceivable that a gay man would have straight male friends. I'd say 90%+ of gay guys I know (including my boyfriend) hang out mostly with other gay guys, and possibly a few straight women. I seem to be the only gay I know with a posse of straight guys in my life.%0D %0D I used to think this was a generational thing, with many older gay men having been scarred emotionally by growing up in a more homophobic time. Yet I know a lot of gay guys in their mid-to-late 20s who only associate with other gay men.%0D %0D I just find that to be sad. Oh well - it's not my life.

by Anonymousreply 3012/26/2010

I dare you to ask a straight guy if he sleeps with men, but prefers women.

by Anonymousreply 3112/26/2010

Wish I had more gay male friends, but I suppose there's usually some sort of sexual tension or other drama that keeps me away. Most of my friends are straight men. Most straight men honestly repulse me, but in my old age I feel more comfortable and interested in talking about broken engines or toilets or health insurance plans. Straight men can be the bitchiest, most gossiping worthless sluts around, too. Most of my childhood friends were hetero dudes and none of those who remained close are weird about sexuality as adults.

by Anonymousreply 3212/27/2010

I have tons of straight male friends. Of course, they don't know that I'm gay...

by Anonymousreply 3412/27/2010

I can't have gay friends anymore because I always just sleep with all of them.

by Anonymousreply 3512/27/2010

Because he likes you as a person, OP?

by Anonymousreply 3612/27/2010

R35, even the ugly ones?

by Anonymousreply 3712/27/2010

How many of these straight male friends are from before you came out?

I'd like to hear stories of straight men/gay men friendships that started off with the straight guy knowing you were gay from the get-go.

by Anonymousreply 3812/27/2010

"there is nothing he or I do not know about each other's sex life"%0D %0D R13 - That sounds a bit icky.

by Anonymousreply 3912/27/2010

R37, I have no ugly friends. Why would I want to?

by Anonymousreply 4012/27/2010

r38 - Although I don't have gayvoice, when I open my mouth, lube, dildoes, and cockrings fall out. I live in SF and work in the burbs. Most of my friends are straight guys from work who knew I was gay when we met (I made sure of that). There are 4-5 of us who hang out on weekends. Sadly, not one of them wants to fuck me, but one dude has a man-crush on my partner, we all believe.

by Anonymousreply 4112/27/2010

What a weird question.%0D %0D Of my three closest male friends, one is gay and the other two are straight. Both knew I was gay when we met.%0D %0D I find it hard to believe there are gay men out there without straight friends.

by Anonymousreply 4212/27/2010

I have some straight male friends, but good ones are hard to find. Good friends in general are hard to find. Most straight guys I've known have been bitchy gossips, no better than any other orientation or gender, and the elevation/idealization of them by DL continues to be a mystery to me.

by Anonymousreply 4312/27/2010

[quote]Heterosexual males from everything I've seen RARELY have friendships with anyone other than heterosexual males. %0D %0D Then you haven't seen very much. Perhaps you're too much of a flamer and that chases away the possibility of straight friends.

by Anonymousreply 4412/27/2010

I have LOTS of straight male friends, but I'm in a profession where being gay is the norm, being straight is sort of being the interloper (classical music). The straight guys are all TOTALLY cool with gay guys, they even giggle when hit on. In my twenty years being out I've only had to deal with one (crazy) straight colleague who was a homophobe (he was also a freak that no one trusts).

by Anonymousreply 4512/27/2010

Ugly how closeted the respondents on this thread sound. Disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 4612/27/2010

My closest friends are evenly divided between straight guys and straight women. My best friend recently got hired as a performer on an adult site that caters an audience that's primarily gay. He's the most open-minded straight guy in the world---he's a big guy and the only time he's ever gotten into a fistfight was when one of his teammates was on my case for being gay.

It's just a big, goofy lifelong bromance. (His mom always jokes, "Every night I pray for (Erik) to wake up gay so he can ditch that whore of a girlfriend a marry you.". So he had to promise her that if ever happens, he will propose.

I think that as long as a both parties are comfortable in their own identities, sexuality isn't that big of a deal in a friendship.

by Anonymousreply 4712/27/2010

I have had several close straight male friends. Many of them live in different towns now, but one lives in my town and we are very good friends and hang out often.

by Anonymousreply 4812/27/2010

I have a boyfriend, and a "Straight boyfriend" - he's Beta-male to my Alpha and my boyfriend loves him to bits. straight friends are great.

by Anonymousreply 4912/27/2010

R44 No, I live in the real world. A lot of these responses are from delusional people. Doesn't matter if you are masculine or effeminate haterosexual males avoid socializing with gay men. I assume most of these comments praising haterosexual males are coming from gay men. These are the type of gay men who want to disassociate from gay people because of the stigma HATEROSEXUALS put on gay people and when they get called a fag and punched in the face by a group of haterosexual males in the street want to come running to the gay community looking for support only to find that most are like them, they don't want to hear that hateros did you wrong because in their screwed up head hateros are always right.

by Anonymousreply 5012/27/2010

I'll be sure, r50, to share your thoughts with my highly straight best friend, for whose wedding I served as best man, when I see him next.%0D %0D My god, you're damaged. Seek therapy - please, for your own good.

by Anonymousreply 5112/27/2010

[quote]Doesn't matter if you are masculine or effeminate haterosexual (sic) males avoid socializing with gay men

you're incorrect there, young man.

by Anonymousreply 5212/27/2010

Wow R50, you must be so lonely. My best friend is simply my best friend. It didn't start out that way but we came best friends. No romance, just a hell of a lot in common. When there's no sexual tension or possible competition, then all that is left is comfortable, safe.

by Anonymousreply 5312/27/2010

R51 and R52 are typical responses. They attack me personally and don't refute what I say. Somehow individual cases represent the whole. I doubt these heterosexual friendship stories are real or as what these posters think they are. It is RARE for a heterosexual male to have a gay male friend who he interacts with like he does with heterosexual male friends like playing sports on Saturday, watching a movie together (in the movie theaters), going on fishing trips on the ocean etc.

by Anonymousreply 5412/27/2010

[quote]But then I came out when I was in my late 20s and these guys (and a third with whom I'm no longer friends) were my best buds for years and I can't imagine life without them.

You contradicted yourself. You already lost one of the 3, so you can imagine life without him.

And the people claiming that straight men make better friends than gay men (or worse, that they're too straight-acting to be friends with gay men) sound every bit as damaged as R50, and maybe more in need of therapy.

Funny how people on here think they come off to others. Hint: you don't sound self-assured and comfortable in your own gay skin when you talk about others being too flaming to make friends. And when you imply that a straight person is a more valuable friend, you just sound like a Log Cabinette.

by Anonymousreply 5512/27/2010

[quote]They attack me personally and don't refute what I say.

NO! I DID refute, idiot! I said that you were INCORRECT - straight men happily hang out with me, my boyfriend and with other gay men, it's the truth and you are a sick paranoid fuck-up!

by Anonymousreply 5612/27/2010

"Family" are really the only ones you can trust. Straights, both male and female, that you knew before coming out, eventually, always, pull away. Straight males you meet after coming out, assume if they get to know you, you will hit on them (which is never the case), females, after you are out, just want a new "girlfriend", which many gay males don't want to become.

It is just easier to stick to family only. Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". (however leather bears freak me out!)

by Anonymousreply 5712/27/2010

Amazing, isn't it - that as a group we preach diversity, and yet when we discuss it in our personal lives we hit stereotypes worse than most straights put on us.%0D %0D It's entirely possible for gay men to have close straight male friends. But it's also possible some don't know or have any - so much depends on the personalities, locations, etc. In other words -it's really impossible to expect simliarity.%0D %0D If you want a straight friend and don't have one -perhaps that is an issue. But just as straight men and women can be friends without having sex, so can straight men gay men.

by Anonymousreply 5812/27/2010

[quote]They attack me personally and don't refute what I say. %0D %0D %0D Since people know you're very wrong, why would you expect them to list, case by case, every illustration that proves you wrong. %0D %0D They both agree that you're wrong and I, also, know for a fact that you're wrong. Others will agree. We can't be bothered to take time to make you change your mind on this matter. %0D %0D No doubt, there's something about you that keeps straight men from showing you friendship. Are you into Sequins & Mascara? Do you wave a rainbow flag while swishing down the street? Do you lisp and dye your hair pink? Are you into Standing & Modeling?%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 5912/27/2010

Deep down, he wants to fuck you OP.

So deep, and oh so down low.

by Anonymousreply 6012/27/2010

R60 Is exactly what I was referring to when I posted this. My other friends do not believe that such a friendship can exist without a sexual undertone but I assure them that it does. I wanted to see if others had good friendships with straight men. I'm very glad to see the positive responses from others who share those friendships. I love all my close friends, but my relationship with my straight friend means the most to me.

by Anonymousreply 6112/27/2010

[quote]v

you're fucking out of your noggin! the two friends have been closest too over the past twenty years are both straight, one female, one male. and we've all seen really hard times together. we're all in our forties and still as close as ever.

you're totally pulling this out of your own ass, get OVER yourself!

by Anonymousreply 6212/27/2010

[quote]Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". (however leather bears freak me out!)

you sound HOPELESS

by Anonymousreply 6312/27/2010

R61, I'll fess up, I was tweaking you.

by Anonymousreply 6412/27/2010

[quote]Even with butch lesbians, I feel safer and less stressed around anyone who is "family". %0D %0D Gee, thanks.

by Anonymousreply 6512/27/2010

I have straight friends but I always lust after them. I've seen them all naked before (gym, urinals, etc.). Some I've sucked off while drunk. I really don't understand the people who say that attraction plays no part in the friendship.

by Anonymousreply 6612/28/2010

Apparently, R66 has less straight friends then he thinks he has.

by Anonymousreply 6712/28/2010

I have to admit that my best straight friends (and gay ones, for that matter) are the ones I'm not attracted to.

If there's an attraction, it just gets weird. I totally blame myself.

by Anonymousreply 6812/28/2010

R56 You didn't refute anything I wrote. All you wrote was you had a heterosexual "friend" which as I wrote before individual experiences do not represent the whole. The fact is heterosexual male friendships with gay men are rare and that is because heterosexuals don't want them.

by Anonymousreply 6912/28/2010

I do not have any straight male friends. Where I live gay people are not liked. It is very seperate here - segregated. And, the gay men who have sex with men refer to themselves as "straight". But, if you are honest about who you are, consider yourself an outcast and pretty much treated like a Leper.

by Anonymousreply 7012/28/2010

where you live sounds horrid

by Anonymousreply 7112/28/2010

I don't really have any close gay friends. You know why? Because one of them got me drunk and took advantage (not talking rape obviously, but he horned me up and I was 'a whore, darlin') and the other one disappeared off the face of the earth as soon as he got his fabulous new boyfriend.

I know some cool gay guys as netfriends whom I hope to develop deeper friendships with, but that's the extent of it.

All my close friends are straight- male and female.

by Anonymousreply 7212/28/2010

R72, that happened to me 20 or so years ago. I had a small group of what I thought were close friends, who by the way were gay. Not one, but two took advantage of me when I was drunk (again, not rape, but got me all hot and bothered and we had sex). Two others would disappear for weeks or months with their new "he's the one" and not return calls. I gave up on gay guy and friendships because of the "possible sexual" tension and the flightiness of many guys.

by Anonymousreply 7312/28/2010

Im still working on trusting straight guys.

by Anonymousreply 7412/28/2010

[quote]I don't really have any close gay friends. All my close friends are straight- male and female.%0D %0D I'm guessing what you all have in common is your dislike for gay guys.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 7512/28/2010

R75 you're stretching so much I can see your ass crack.

Dummy.

by Anonymousreply 7612/28/2010

Most of my friends are straight men. I dont know why that is, it just sort of happened. But I can totally relate to what OP is saying. I had a roommate in college who is straight and we developed a really good friendship which continues to today. But back then, a few gay guys I knew insisted he must secretly be gay. "Why else would he be friends with a gay guy?" they would ask, as if that was proof enough. People like that are idiots.

by Anonymousreply 7908/15/2013

My best friend and I have been best buds for 40+ years ( we're both 48) We've been friends since kindergarten.

When I was 14, I admitted to him "Paul--I'm gay" I thought for sure he would punch me, or at the least say "Fuck you, fag. We're not friends anymore." He just looked at me and said "As long as you don't try to suck my dick, I'm cool with it. You're my friend."

He's married, has kids and grandkids. We still watch football together, go to car races, fishing, etc. and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. And no--I have no desire to sleep with him. I never did. We're just friends--best friends.

by Anonymousreply 8008/15/2013

Most of my close male friends are straight--some from before I came out, some after. We talk about our sex lives--well they would like to talk more; I don't really like to talk about my sex life very much. Most of them have been to gay bars with me and have had a blast. And no, none of them are closeted. They all love fucking women too much to be gay--and none of them would have a problem being out if they truly were gay. I have had some gay guys refuse to believe I'm not sleeping with them--well, the hot ones of course.

I only really have one close gay friend. I wish I had more.

by Anonymousreply 8108/16/2013

I'm with R29/R30. And R50 is a prissy nut, it couldn't be more obvious.

As I've gotten older, I've become friends with more gay guys. Most of them I got to know through some network or scene that was based around men wanting to hook up with other men. "Cruising" buddies and whatnot. Gotta have somebody to talk about dick with.

But more than half of my dude friends are straight. Most of my friends in general are dudes -- straight ones. I had a gay male roommate last year, and when the time came to replace our other, female roommate, I was interested primarily in the straight male respondents to our ad. He said he didn't feel comfortable living with a straight guy. He's pretty queeny; his friends are all chicks and other queeny gay guys. I personally would have chosen to live with yet another female before I'd pick another gay guy as a roommate. The guy we ended up with was straight; predictably, the two of them didn't get along, despite the straight roommate being very sensible, forward thinking, and not remotely homophobic. (I'm openly gay, and the straight dude and I get along fine and continue to room together.)

I think most gay guys who have close friendships with straight guys are probably not the typical prance-y, bobble-head, Valley Girl type. But then I don't know the ins and outs of all these gay/straight friendships. Just a hunch.

by Anonymousreply 8208/16/2013

The new normal is here.

by Anonymousreply 8509/09/2013

I live in the Midwest and I can't speak about my boyfriend/partner to straight guys without a look of disgust.

I want to some of your nice and probably not imaginary straight male friends.

Where do you live? I want to come there. Seems so nice.

by Anonymousreply 8609/09/2013

most of my female friends are straight

by Anonymousreply 8709/09/2013

Just be a normal dude.

by Anonymousreply 8801/27/2015

I have a few, these guys are the best friends I could ask for. There is something about bonding with straight but not narrow guys, makes me feel manly. These guys love me, say so, and I adore them.

by Anonymousreply 8901/27/2015
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.