Worst Christmas presents EVER!

A boyfriend gave me a used copy of "Be Here Now" by Baba Ram Dass. I lost no time in replacing him.

OP, you should save it to wear at the Aunt's funeral.

My parents gave me a gag gift of a "diet fork" with splayed out tines. I could have fucking killed them. They both thought it was hilarious.

My mother has NEVER known what to buy for my partner. I think it's just laziness (or senility) on her part, because he would be happy with a nice bottle of wine or some kitchen gadgets. But for THREE YEARS IN A ROW she presented him with a large, lush, luxurious, monogrammed...bath towel. One of those oversized Egyptian cotton spa towels that are about the size of a bed sheet.%0D %0D The first year we just rolled our eyes a little. The second year my partner had a hard time thanking her without laughing (I lost it and buried my head in the sofa cushions). The third year it wasn't funny anymore. %0D %0D We have suggested a halt to gift-giving among the adults, but mom won't hear of it. Last year she decided on a gift we could both use: some kind of lap quilt or throw, in garish red and green with golden tinsel threads woven through it. And fringe.%0D %0D

A copy of "The Book" (spoiler: it's a Bible), from a visiting Aunt.

Merry Christmas to me.

One year, I received two globes from two Aunts. The Aunts were angry with each other for buying me the same present.

It was a year Battlestar Galactica was on because I was excited that there was a Starbuck Island and went around showing it to everyone.

Yankee swap, so not exactly an Xmas gift, but it was a fucking bookmark. Now I know the gifts were supposed to be around $10, but this was still shitty.

Worst gift from a friend: $4.95 picture frame (I thought it was more expensive then flipped when I saw it at the Hallmark store) when she got an architect (she was madly infatuated with him) where she worked at a Mont Blanc Meisterstuck pen.

R4 - I think the issue is with your partner and you, not your mom.%0D %0D One year, my aunt gave my dad (her brother-in-law) a small, wood and metal object that looked like a cannon - which had us all puzzled - but it stayed in the house for years being used as a paperweight!

Two years ago I got a puzzle from my grandaunt. %0D %0D It must have had a billion little pieces, all in chinese symbol writings.%0D %0D

Oh, come on people! Surely the only impediment is narrowing it down to just one crappy present. In order to up the present count, my mom would wrap up a new comb and a new toothbrush for each of us every year.

My mom has an old college friend who, very nicely, has always given me a Christmas present even though we've only met twice. However, the things she gives me are always comically inappropriate to the degree that I would always save her gift for last knowing it would be good to end the unwrapping on a laugh. When I was about 7, undersized for my age as it was, she gave me an adult's XXL pink sweat suit.

Earrings

Caftans

Peoples Choice Award. Just takes up space. I gave one to Glenn and was never thanked. Happy Holidays!

I'm the youngest in my family so my older siblings are always giving me toys and useless gadgets. Even after I graduated from college and was living on my own I was getting completely stupid things like dancing punk rock dolls, and combination flashlight/radios. I REALLY could have used household items like baking sheets and towels and dishes and so on. But for some reason they didn't think of that.

Fucking ugly shoes! And they weren't the goddamned cha cha heels the mother fuckers knew I wanted! Ugly witch. Bastard! I hate them! I HATE THEM!!!

[quote] In order to up the present count, my mom would wrap up a new comb and a new toothbrush for each of us every year.

My Mom would do that with socks and underwear. Gosh Mom, six packs of socks all wrapped up like real presents .... thanks.

I guess mine is the 99-piece "socket set" my dad gave me one year. I have no idea what one does with such a thing, but I've been lugging it across the country through muliple moves over the past 20 years. It's still here in the coat closet.%0D %0D Not a gift I got and not Christmas but my partner's insane aunt gifted his cousin with a bag full of sun-faded panties in various sizes for her bridal shower. Now, his cousin is a big girl and what use she would have for size small panties we have no idea. Aunt's daughter worked at a lingerie store in Howard Beach, Queens so we figured the panties had been featured (probably for years) in the window dispaly.

Can I insert another one from a momentous occasion? When I graduated from high school in the early 1980s, almost every damn person gave me a pen. I ended up with 13 Cross pens and about 7 that had digital clocks in them. Why can't people just give cash or gift certificates?

A couple of Christmases ago my partner gifted me a garbage can. Seriously. A very nice, stylish garbage can but a trash receptacle nevertheless.

My father's really hopeless with gifts and for the last few years my siblings and I have been guiding him through what to get my mom for holidays. One year he got her a VHS copy of the film "Grease" and one year he got her a soap dispenser that was shaped like Minnie Mouse. Both times I thought she'd divorce him.

One of my friend's mom used to work at a department store and we'd always get these weird presents that I think she'd get on severe discount. One year I got a plate with a large Jewish star on it and when I went to try and return it they offered me $1.73.

Last year my boss bought me a book about a person's spiritual journey to Christianity after surviving 9/11 and Katrina.

I am Jewish. The Strand would not buy it back.

Come on, R9 - a FUCKING BATH TOWEL three years in a row?

A friend and his BF gave me an early Christmas present last week. We don't usually exchange gifts so I was surprised. It was a book on gay open relationships. Even more bizarre, when I was at their apartment I noticed a box of these books.

Soap on a rope and nail clippers in the plastic packaging that is impossible to open.

I guess I'm weird. I love practical gifts like towels, socks, toothbrushes, plates. I will always buy myself the fancy stuff, but I hate spending money on practical shit. One year my boyfriend's sister got me a curious combo gift of sweat socks and a coffee maker. It was fantastic!

I was expecting jewelry but got a lousy Joni Mitchell cd.

My mother-in-law has given both of her sons some weird, stingy gifts over the years. She does not send more than one xmas present to either of them, bear in mind:

A ballpoint pen A trivet A toilet seat (with lid!) A piggy bank

In 1980 I was babysat by a mean old witch. One time she made me eat scrambled eggs with green pepper in them even though I was gagging and choking. She was a monster that I never saw again until 25 years later at Christmas. She gave me an Egg Wave. A microwave egg cooker. I instantly thought about the time she tried to kill me with those eggs and was like, "you bitch." I threw it in the trash when I got home.

I agree - I'd be thrilled to receive a nice big bath towel every year. I don't think that's a bad gift at all! Now ... A truly bad gift ... When I was about 10 years old, late 80s, my uncle (reclusive curmudgeon) made me a leather vest. And when I say leather vest, I am talking about a 2 foot long shell that was as rigid as a saddle and could stand on its own. Clearly it was made for a 7 foot tall man who was into nipple chafing. But wait... There's more! He also burned designs all over it with a wood burning kit - feathers, stars, flowers. Then painted it with acrylic paint. As a polite Canadian even then, I thanked him dearly for it but everyone was totally speechless...

My sister got my 9 y/o nephew a dictionary last year.

One year, I told my parents over and over that all I wanted for Christmnas was a Ballerina Barbie! "Please-Please-Please!!!" I begged, "Please; all I want is a Ballerina Barbie!" But did they give me a BALLERINA Barmie...??? [italic]NOOOOOoooooooo[/italic].....! They gave me a [italic]MALIBU[/italic] Barbie...! %0D %0D So, I killed them.

When I was a kid, I could always count on soap-on-a-rope from some clueless aunt or uncle. I didn't even have to unwrap the present, I could smell it through the wrapping paper.

A co-worker drew my name in the holiday pool and gave me one of those little stuffed cats sitting on a pillow. The tag said it was made with real fur but did not specify what kind, and didn't specify "as a byproduct of the food industry" either. I was very, very grossed out.

R34 wins.

Secret Santas and holiday co-worker gifts should be banned. Nothing good ever comes from them. I always end up with the one that gets me a card that says "A donation has been made in your name to the Sally Struthers Mars Bar Fund"

I like soap-on-a-rope- it smells like the Christmases of my childhood. I'd use it happily if someone gave it to me.

[quote]My sister got my 9 y/o nephew a dictionary last year.%0D %0D What's wrong with that? I would have been thrilled to receive a dictionary! I love reference books.%0D %0D I can't recall any downright awful Christmas presents but one year-- I think I was 10 or 11-- one of my mother's boyfriends bought me a lacy, flimsy and otherwise totally inappropriate negligee. I have no idea what that was about.

My Mom bought me a raincoat when I was 12 and that was it for that year. It sucked necause I wanted toys. The worst as an adult was the time my sister gave me a couple of miniature cologne bottles she took from a hotel.

"Worst gift from a friend: $4.95 picture frame (I thought it was more expensive then flipped when I saw it at the Hallmark store)"

Wow. Just, wow.

You really embody the true meaning of Christmas.

My mother gave one of her grandsons, who was 10 or 11, a beautiful amethyst geode for Christmas.

How inappropriate R38? Are you male or female?

Always troubling when Mom's boyfriend shops at Frederick's for the 11 year old daughter.

I am female, R42. The strange thing is no one seemed to bat an eyelash at this even though I held the nightie up to the light and remarked upon its transparency-- like I was actually going to wear this?! I was a total tomboy too so the whole thing was just weird and creepy beyond belief.%0D %0D I would definitely have preferred to receive a dictionary. Or even a geode.

R8 here. To elaborate on my Scroogey attitude: we both traditionally spent a lot more on each other's gifts AND chose them with a lot of thought and care. That stupid picture frame wasn't just cheap, it was barely a trinket worthy of being a stocking stuffer.

I didn't get her memo that she was skimping on my gift because she was paying way too much for another person's gift. A Mont Blanc Meisterstuck pen isn't a $20 Cross pen. She wasn't involved with this person, mind you, but madly infatuated to the tune of around $300 for that stupid pen! I would have appreciated a heads up that money was tight for her that year for whatever reason.

She's still single 20 years later. She's Catholic and the object of her affection wasn't. Case closed.

My family (including aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins) used to a secret Santa exchange. Nothing under $30. You had a whole year to save your money! All I got that year was a $5 Fuzz-Away.

R38, was your mom's boyfriend Roman Polanski?

My agent got me Taylor Swift.

UUUGGGHHH!

A cassette tape of Lionel Richie's "Dancing on the Ceiling" album given to me by my queeny, flaming, closeted step-uncle. He also gave me a cassette by Alabama, the band. I hated both Lionel Richie and Alabama and I told the closet case as much when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I feigned excitement when I opened the gifts but I was very confused about why he purposely bought me things I said I hated.

I also hated him. Still do, the fucking asshole.

"I didn't get her memo that she was skimping on my gift because she was paying way too much for another person's gift. A Mont Blanc Meisterstuck pen isn't a $20 Cross pen. She wasn't involved with this person, mind you, but madly infatuated to the tune of around $300 for that stupid pen! I would have appreciated a heads up that money was tight for her that year for whatever reason." You keep track about how much your friends pay for your gift when compared to how much they pay for other people's gifts? And you judge them accordingly based on this? You are a horrible and petty excuse for a human being.

My horrible yuppie Bitch Cousin and her even-worse social climbing husband got my poor sweet old aunt a couple of VHS tapes (it was the 1990s) that were bought at a convenience store on the way over to the house. My aunt isn't fancy and never had much money, but she did her best by my cousins, and it was a total Mildred Pierce situation with Bitch Cousin. Bitch Cousin didn't even wrap the tapes, just handed them to my aunt with the "SALE" sticker half-peeled off. One of the tapes, as I remember, was TOTAL RECALL. What old lady wouldn't want that? A year or two later, the same cousin bought my second cousin a cigarette lighter. He was about 15 and did smoke, though he never did it around his parents or grandparents and no one brought it up. Bitch Cousin did it just to force the issue and make him uncomfortable.

I always was taught that it's the thought that counts, not the price tag or the gift itself.

Er, R50, the title of this thread is "Worst Christmas presents EVER!"

I now bequeath you the magical ability of reading comprehension. POOF!

Seriously, point taken. You [italic]are[/italic] right. Merry Christmas! (Not being sarcastic, really!)

R52, it IS the thought that counts. %0D %0D Sometimes the thought is, "I'm getting you some cheap, lame-ass present because I feel a social obligation, but I'm going to use it to express my anger and bitterness at the world."%0D %0D Hence the lighter for the 15-year-old smoker, or the VHS tapes bought on the way to see the elderly mother, not even wrapped.%0D

I completely forgot about a couple of other co-worker gifts until just now. Once, I got this huge ceramic frame that was an elaborate tangle of flowers, butterflies, kittens, and other cutesy stuff painted a million garish colors. Part of the frame was a small sno-globe with a plastic goldfish floating inside it. Another similar gift was an enormous ceramic, goofy-looking orange cat with a glass globe for its stomach where you could put candles. It had been used and there was a bunch of half scraped-out wax in the glass stomach.

I feel your pain r22.

I have a horrible first cousin who is married to a horrible woman. They are very rich. Over the years they send horrible, cheap gifts. One year I got Santa socks-one pair (I was in my twenties). One year I got a Kenny G Christmas cd. One year I got a Santa Winnie the Poo nightgown (I was thirty that year). I could go one, but it gets worse....

...and I am Jewish!

Co-worker Secret Santa gifts can be the lamest worst ever. %0D %0D Example: I work in an organic/vegan/local food cafe where everything is made from scratch, and was given an instant soup mix in a bag.

An elderly relative's sight was fading: she was into magnifying glass and phones-with-huge-numbers territory. A present to her from her son during this phase was a 500-page hardback biography of Jackie Kennedy. Her son is a doctor.

LMAO at the frame with the "small sno-globe with a plastic goldfish floating inside it.%0D

Something similar to this from a cousin-

You can buy this Fiji Mermaid on eBay:

A Scooby Doo sweatshirt, from my father...when I was 20 years old. Never wore it.

I never get enough Christmas presents. Everybody's so DAMN cheap.

I should be gettin' a lot. And I'm gonna take it all back and get the money for it--you can do that, you know.

My father's sister (ignorant bigoted small-minded Christian 'Little Englander' type) hated my mother (Jewish Italian) and never accepted her. The first year my parents were married she gave my mother empty sauce bottles. The second year, a single salt cellar of the kind found in fish&chip shops (the kind with the single-hole white plastic top).

Every year until I was 12 my aunt and her family gave me a pair of pink slipper socks as a joint Christmas/birthday gift. The year I turned 13 this changed to a box of M&S bath salts (in 'Fiorentina').

I wouldn't mind, except every November she'd start calling my mother to badger her for my Christmas list, every year my aunt would swear she'd bought the toys on my list so my mother was not to buy them herself, and every year another bloody pair of slipper socks! (My aunt had very strong views on child-rearing and believed children should not be 'spoiled').

Coffee mugs. 8 in the last 5 years.

[quote]Two years ago I got a puzzle from my grandaunt....It must have had a billion little pieces, all in chinese symbol writings. %0D %0D A mahjhong set, obviously.%0D %0D

My mother still speaks with AWE about how my father's Great Aunt Lucy (a wonderful but rather ditzy lady) presented her with a beautifully wrapped, be-bowed and ritzy cardboard box on their first Christmas together...%0D %0D Yep - she'd forgotten to put the present inside.%0D %0D It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't staged a repeat performance the very next year...

I've told this story before.

Pierced earrings. I'm highly allergic and can't wear pierced earrings.

But it became a great laugh riot when all my siblings started giving me pierced earrings for Xmas. About three years in a row. Even my brothers girlfriend joined in on the fun!!

The fourth year I gave my brother his gift first. He opened it to great surprise. They were pierced earrings.The ones he had given me two years before. Dangling peacock feathers on beaded loops. And then my sisters opened theirs. Pierced earrings. Very familiar pierced earrings. And the girlfriend too. Then my brother- in-law opened his gift and laughed his ass off. It was a cashmere sweater. A very expensive cashmere sweater. I explained that I had extra money this year cause of the pierced earring gifts and since my siblings thought that pierced earrings were such a nice gift that they might enjoy them too so I spent my money on the sweater for my brother-in-law.

I never got pierced earrings again.

When I was a teenager my cousin and his wife gave me a nightgown, which would have been fine except it was about a size 24. I was at that time living at a ballet school training full time to be a dancer, and was about as thin as it's possible to be and still be able to walk. The nightdown was like a tent, and obviously meant for someone who was morbidly obese. I was never quite sure of the motivation behind it. My cousin's wife, who chose it, used to be thin but put on about 100lbs in a couple of years after her marriage.

R70, maybe it was a re-gift originally given to her.

these threads are always worth a laugh. cheers!

I always get the worst gifts at office secret santa gift exchanges. Since it's secret and you can't really personalize it I usually get the other person a gift card (above the gift limit amount). I've gotten some stupid crap like dominoes or a stuffed animal reindeer. I don't participate anymore.

A friend was once given a bicycle without a chain.

We did a running joke with a bad gift(a hideous shirt) It was wrapped and re-gifted every year.

One year I received 179 Summer's Eve douches. Sure, it held me over for a couple of months, but did EVERYONE need to get me the same thing?

Your cousin's wife was being a passive aggressive bitch, R70. She was obviously jealous of the fact that you were thin and she no longer was and decided to make you self-concious by getting you an oversized nightie.

All in one Christmas :

1. velcro bath wrap - paternal grandmother, 2. Lord of the Dance cassette tape - maternal grandfather, 3. Can of tunafish - maternal grandmother, 4. carton of cigarettes - mother/father (I have since quit smoking) 5. Bus ticket from Ohio to NYC - friend. Best Christmas ever..

"My parents gave me a gag gift of a "diet fork" with splayed out tines. I could have fucking killed them. They both thought it was hilarious."%0D %0D RE 3....I LOVE your parents!!!

My bf's sister gave me a used pin she bought off the street. It was a cat pin and half the enamel was worn off it.%0D %0D I knew right then and there that we had a squirrel in the attic... a whole nest of 'em, in fact.

[quote]I always get the worst gifts at office secret santa gift exchanges. I don't participate anymore.%0D %0D Same here R73. I always got some cheap crap that the giver was unloading. No, it certainly is NOT the thought that counts. It's the fucking gift. That's the whole point of a gift exchange.

One year my boss gave me a paid membership in the Jam Of The Month Club. Cousin Eddie did say it was a gift that keeps on giving though.

One year, my aunt made everyone homemade straw hat clocks. She hot glued the motor inside the hat and decorated it with the ugliest fake flowers. It was horrible.

I get dollar store presents because people in my family think I am "rich" because I don't waste my money on beer, cigarettes and gambling.

Elvis salt and pepper shakers.

The same relatives who gave us that one year, gave my sister in law "beer in a bag" for Christmas when she was 6 months pregnant.

My (wealthy) in-laws have never been thrilled with me. Well into our clearly ltr, we spent a Christmas with them. Expensive cashmere sweaters, high end gloves and jewelry for the family and their youngest son's wife. A pair of novelty socks for me. I couldn't help laughing, it was so ridiculous of them

A box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts, and a canvas tote bag with an iron on transfer of John Travolta.

Our office building had to start donating unwrapped gifts to the charity drive after somebody at the retirement village received a wrapped pair of soiled underwear from us.

[quote]4. carton of cigarettes - mother/father (I have since quit smoking)

I remember when my parents would get cartons of cigarettes in festive holiday sleeves (the stores would have them pre-wrapped by brand) to give as gifts for the mailman, milkman, grocery delivery guy, drop-in neighbors...everyone smoked in the 70s.

The graphics were cool. Santa firing up a Winston! Skiers smoking Salems!

My mother still does that, only with booze now.

nada

A carton of cigarettes from my father, he grabbed me and said "Smoke up, son".

[quote]Our office building had to start donating unwrapped gifts to the charity drive after somebody at the retirement village received a wrapped pair of soiled underwear from us.

That's awful.

And hilarious.

[quote] somebody at the retirement village received a wrapped pair of soiled underwear from us.%0D %0D I'm surprised HR didn't go on a DNA quest.

My neighbor had a daughter's boyfriend mooching on her--living there and not working. She wrapped up a "dinner bucket" (a workingman's lunch kit) and gave it to him for Christmas.

Not mine, but a sampling posted in a bad-gifts thread at another board I lurk at:

[quote]A lot of people participate in company grab bags. This particular grab bag had a minimum of 10 or 15 dollars that each person should spend for a gift. Well, one year, gifts were exchanged and one woman's contribution to the grab bag was a sleeve of saltine crackers. I kid you not. She didn't even offer the whole box of saltines, just one sleeve.

[quote]My aunt gave me TONS of socks she had knitted. I mean every color, size, shape, some had stars on them. One sock she knitted said "Chocolate Sista" down the damn sock.

[quote]When I was about 8 years old, my aunt sent me sexy baby blue lingerie. BUT when I was 17, she sent me a pair of royal-blue mittens! Not even gloves, mittens!

[quote]Two years ago I got a puzzle from my grandaunt....It must have had a billion little pieces, all in chinese symbol writings. %0D %0D A mahjhong set, obviously. %0D %0D %0D %0D NO asshole it was a landscape!

I also got a vaccum cleaner one year from my mom.

There are plenty to choose from but one in particular stands out. When I was about 8, a relative gave me an elaborately wrapped tie box, with the cryptic comment that my dad would get more use from it but I'd get the benefits.

It turned out to be a novelty paddle with a picture of a bear and a deer on it, printed with "For the little deer with the bear behind."

Of course, my dad wasted no time in drumming up an excuse to try out his new toy that very day, following the directions on the device, and applying it vigorously to my bare bottom.

Hadn't thought of this in years, until recently reading the "were you spanked?" thread.

.

[quote]every November she'd start calling my mother to badger her for my Christmas list, every year my aunt would swear she'd bought the toys on my list so my mother was not to buy them herself, and every year another bloody pair of slipper socks!

Your aunt sabotaged your Christmas by trying to trick your mom into not buying you gifts? You win, hands down. That's unbelievably rude.

My mother-in-law must think that I am eight years old or something. %0D Every year I get SMALL things: a pink small guest soap, a tiny red guest towel with an embroidered santa, a small box of mints, a "tea tin" with cats that holds maybe three tablespoons of tea, a 2"x2" book with "inspirational quotes", a tiny pen with my name engraved on it. Every item is carefully wrapped. Just the stuff I loved to get in my advent calender when I was eight years old. No, I am not a short person.%0D %0D I am an almost 40 year old career woman and love Scandinavian design and prefer to have few belongings, so...? A bottle of wine or a few chocolate truffles would save dear MIL both time and money and be a better present for me. But, no.

What site is that, R96? Those are funny.

Thanks, r101. My aunt is a cow. On the other hand, after my parents divorced my dad turned to me for help doing 'female stuff' like choosing gifts, which means I'm in sole charge of choosing her presents now. Passive aggressive, immature petty revenge? Don't mind if I do!

When my sister was dating her husband, her future mother-in-law gave her a very tiny red teddy that would not cover her ass (or her vajeen). The next year - a very tiny pink lace teddy which also wouldn't cover her nether parts. She asked her bf, "What is up with your mother giving me these ridiculously sexy clothes? "%0D %0D Her bf said, "My mother wants to make sure I am getting plenty of sex."%0D %0D My sister married him despite his whacko mother, but keeps her distance from his family and insists that she would rather not have any gift at all, but if they insist, no gifts of clothing be exchanged, or anything of a sexual nature.

When I was about 12 years old, my friend received a blanket from her entire family. One blanket! The poor thing wanted a pair of roller skates. I began to appreciate my mum and dad a lot more after this.

what have you chosen for her, 104?

how did you establish those rules, r105?

A pen and pencil set from an uncle - minus the pen. He decided to keep it for himself.

So I basically got...a pencil.

See link, r107. At first I took great glee at choosing the most horrendous presents I could find (revenge is best served from a decorative musical cake slicer that fritzes and plays the first two bars of electronic Jingle Bells off and on all through dinner) but now I go with the standard "A donation has been made in your name to..."

smucker's jam assortment from the boss.

My father bought me The National Enquirer with the picture of John Lennon's corpse on the cover. Because he knew I liked the Beatles.%0D %0D Not passive aggressive at all.%0D %0D Meanwhile, I bought him expensive Nicaraguan or Cuban (when I could get them) cigars. Of course, this was when I was no longer living at home to smell them, and I was hoping he'd get lung cancer.

One year when I was working in a brokerage, we exchanged names for gifts. The boss got a co-worker a great big box of ammo. They were both very high strung and angry all the time (they ranted and cussed for the entire 30 seconds it took me to undo the tight knot on my gift, upset that I was "wasting their time") so ammo exchanged between the two of them was a little concerning.

I don't mind bad presents. I hate being the recipient of re-gifting.

My mom used to sell Avon so all I got was Avon products and still do even though she hasn't sold it in 3 years.

[quote]Thanks for the bubble bath and lipstick samples MOM!!%0D %0D I guess the lipstick comes in handy for guys who do drag. Is that why she gave it to you?%0D

You.

My late grandmother was the queen of terrible gifts. One year she gave me (age 10) one orange sock and one brown sock. That same year she gave my mother a half-empty container of "Iron" aftershave.

It was the first year they made GI Joe. Around 1964 or so. "What do you want for Christmas?" GI JOE! "What do you want for Christmas?" GI JOE!

"What do you want for Christmas?" GI JOE!

Christmas Morning. When you're a little kid, the present you want the most MUST come in the biggest box. There's a big box next to the tree, so IT HAS TO BE GI JOE.

I open it up. WTF? It's a big plastic show boat. With play scripts, little cut out characters and scenery from the different shows. This is not GI Joe.

I am beyond disappointed. Finally there is one little box left. I open it up, and it's GI Joe. Wait a minute. Why is he in such a little box.

In those days, they didn't show kids playing with the figure in the tv ads. No GI Joe was driving tanks, blowing stuff up, skiing in a alpine fighter outfit. I got the alpine fighter. All in white, with white fur around the hood, a white machine gun, white skis. There was a big snowdrift behind our house, and I took him out skiing. I expected him to shush and ski like on tv, but he just fell over.

He was tragically killed the next fourth of July when he was blown up by an M-80. INCOMING!!

One year, I got a toy telescope for Christmas. We were studying the planets on school and I was becoming interested in the solar system and outer space. I asked for a "real" telescope the next year. %0D %0D Christmas Day I saw it under the tree -- a telescope on a tripod! Yippee! I looked through it and saw nothing but black. No matter where I pointed it -- black. My mother said, "Daddy was up all night putting it together and couldn't get it to work. It seems to be missing a part."%0D %0D I said, "That's ok, you can go to the store where you bought it and tell them and they can get the part from the company or you can send it back and get a new one!"%0D %0D Little did I realize that my father had decided that he'd spent the alloted time on my "stupid" Christmas present and wasn't about to spend any more time on it.%0D %0D The telescope was never fixed and I was never able to use it. Of course, it was my fault for asking for such a "stupid" present.

Well, I just opened mine.. I'm from Scandinavia and we celebrate Christmas Eve here instead of Christmas Day. Anyway, my cousin gave me socks, which probably have a value of like 10 $. I gave her money, since that's what she said she wanted, I gave her 100 $. Well, she won't be getting money from me again next year. Lets see how happy she'll be with socks. And yes, I know I'm shallow..

Based on another thread is going to be a family who will remember there swishy son outing himself at Christmas eve services for no good reason. They will win this thread then

R118 I remember those pink plastic showboats! They also had cardboard "curtains" with different scenes on them as you moved through Macbeth or whatever you were putting on.

My worst gift? A box of cookies from my mom. Nothing says Merry Christmas than a package of Lorna Doones.

Although after reading about the uncle who gave a pencil and the office worker who gave one sleeve of saltines, I guess I'm not so bad off.

I think one of the worst arrived today! A cheap china funny face ornament, with dangling feet. I'm trying to remember that it's the thought that counts!

R123 here. I just found my ornament on ebay! It's called a shelf sitter and is apparently made of resin (not china). Fortunately, I was only given one shelf sitter, not the full set!

Worst Christmas presents ever (and perfectly illustrates how fucking awful straight guys can be at gift-giving).%0D %0D My sister dated this guy for 5 years. He got her nothing in year one, despite the fact they'd been dating for months and she got him a really nice J. Crew coat for Christmas. Year two, he gave her some VS thong panties and an Outback Steakhouse gift certificate (she's a vegetarian, he's not). Little did she know that he'd hit his gift-giving peak at that point.%0D %0D She apparently bitched about the panties, because from then on, his Mom was apparently put in charge of buying her gifts.%0D %0D Year three, she was gifted with a huge pottery pig bank with crazy eyes and a religious logo inscribed on it's back that his Mom had apparently bought at some crafts fair. %0D %0D It was seriously one of the tackiest things I've ever laid eyes on, and I've never been able to figure out how his Mom could have seen it as an appropriate gift for her son's girlfriend - especially considering my sister is very chic and kind of a snob.

Ha! I like you, r118. You're weird.%0D %0D My one and only gift this year was a tortilla press that looked like it might have come from a dollar store. However, I like practical gifts and will use this one gratefully until it breaks. Hopefully I will be able to use it a couple of times before that happens.

Secret Santa at work this year: Someone brought an "art plate" they must have bought at Big Lots.

The "art"? It had a face at the bottom and you were supposed to use food to decorate it. The box had pictures of how you could use carrot coins, broccoli spears, mashed potatoes, etc. to create hair and beards on the face at the bottom of the plate.

This was a gift for a single woman in her 40s.

My mother once bought me a gift certificate to Curves. It's a weight loss center. For women. I'm not a woman. My mother thinks I am fat and doesn't know my gender. Awesome!

Oh, come on people! Surely you have fresh input after today's festivities.

It's the thought that counts.

Not mine, but a female boss told a story about spending Christmas with the family of a boy she had been dating for a few months.

When Christmas morning came, they all dove for the neatly wrapped presents under the tree, and tore into them with delight.

They were just as delighted to find boxes of cereal, and Brillo pads, and whatever else had been in the pantry cupboards.

For R127. Not that this makes the gift more appropriate, but it's not from Big Lots.

r129, is that a sick joke or for real?

Last year I got a snowman-making kit. It came with pieces of cheap felt and a plastic pipe and nose. %0D %0D I am 54 years old and disabled.

my sister printed out a buy one entree, get one entree free coupon from the internet for a mexican restaurant i've never heard of, and put it in a xmas card.

My dad e-mailed me this morning. This year, my aunt got him two pairs of socks and a canister of instant coffee. She didn't get me anything, natch.

Any new entries?

So far, I think R99 wins.

[quote] Holly Leulah

R120, you reminded me of my nephew's school Christmas concert last year. The choir leader invited former students up on the stage with the choir and asked audience members to stand and sing the final song of the night, the Hialeah Crash.

I wondered, "What does a crash in Florida have to do with the holidays?"

And the chorus began singing the Hallelujah Chorus.

I thought, "Wow, my hearing is shot."

But at the end, the choir leader said, "It gets better every year! Thank you for that lovely rendition of the Hialeah Crash."

And he didn't have a weird accent or anything... That's just how he pronounced it.

I can't adequately describe what my sister gave me, but I will try. It obviously came from the dollar store or Big Lots.

It is a very large ceramic thing On the bottom is a ceramic bench with a bouquet of multicolored flowers on it. In the middle of the bench is a hole. Inside the hole is a tea candle. There is a large ceramic tree attached to the bottom of the bench. The tree arches above and over the bench. There is a small hook at the top of the tree. Into this hook is inserted a metal bowl. Inside the metal bowl was a wax tart. The object of this piece is to burn the wax tart that is suspended from the treetop with the tea candle in Tje bench hole.

Back about 12 years ago(I had just come out) a good female friend gave me the ultimate gift, or so she thought. She was middle aged, and loved home shopping club.

Well she was watching one day and I guess a tea set was up for sale, and for some reason she figured the first gay guy she knew needed one.

Christmas Eve comes along and we are at a party with gifts being passed out. I got my tea set and burst out laughing. I mean what the fuck was I going to do with a 12 piece tea set? Well the whole party started making fun of my friend, she started crying and it was actually pretty awful.

I learned a lesson, when you get a gift, say think you and move on.

BTW the tea set sat in my garage, unopened for about 10 years, I finally gave it away to a co-worker with twin girls, hopefully they will enjoy it.

R137 - That's hilarious.

I got a Ronco potato peeler one year.

I don't cook.

This year was pretty shitty.

I got:

a) a pair of sweat pants

b) a fleece throw

c) $25 Amazon.com gift card (love this!!!)

d) a $4 mini-flashlight

and e) 2 tees of that angry birds shit (I'm 35 fucking years old!)

I spent about $600 on my family and this is all I fucking got???

Cash or gift cards would've helped me recoup some of my money. Not to sound like a greedy bitch but all of my family makes way more than I do plus I'm also saddled down with caring for my ill mother (no help from them...except snotty attitude and bitching about every little thing I do)....CUNTS!

Well...at least you didn't get a plastic clock with a red unicorn in it!

The out of state family of our family sent up gifts. Nine gifts were sent up. Sadly, there were ten people sitting around the tree. No present for me.

Somehow, getting nothing was better than most of the gifts they sent me.

I got socks. Just socks. I think it was 7 boxes, all differant sizes, each filled with those fuzzy socks, probably about 20 pair of them. I can't wear them because I have wood floors and I can't walk across the floor in those things with out falling on my ass after 3 steps. Can't wear them with shoes, they're too thick.Got them from my gf of 8 yrs who knows how much I hate slipping or falling on these floors. Told her how much I loved them and put them all in one box that I'm sending to my mom tomarrow as a "late" x-mas gift.

For some reason I'm not pissed about the gift, or how little she spent, or how much she spent on me compared to how much I spent on her. Holy crap, I think, maybe, I'm finally growing up.

Most of my presents were neither amazing or hideous- mostly practical stuff, but on the Chinese side of my family, there was a set of the most hideous deer antler cutlery set that I had ever seen. Every year, the set would end up being re-gifted to someone else in the family- and it was not a joke. This went on for 10 years. Finally, my mom got them and decided to throw them away, as she was sick of seeing them make their annual appearance.

An economy, bulk bag of 100 cheap, plastic combs in different sizes, shapes and (gaudy) bright colors! The bag also included about 20 classic black men's combs in all the same size.

I didn't understand since my gift to this person -- she had a sweet tooth and was always eating candy on a daily basis -- was good quality candy in a well thought out selection in her favorite flavors.

A stupid fucking pink Vespa.

I don't think I've ever been given a really terrible gift. I'm afraid I'm usually on the other side of the wrapping paper. I mean well, I really do, but there seems to be a connection in my brain missing when it comes to gift giving. I have the most wonderful ideas in the stores that somehow come out hideously wrong when they're opened on Christmas day.

I no longer give anything but gift cards.

R141, you sound like an awful person.

R141, the solution is to set aside a portion of your gift-buying money and spend it on a few frivolous purchases for yourself. Take them home and leave them in a bag until Christmas day. That way you will receive "gifts" that you know you will like and you will feel better about spending so much on others and getting so little in return. Trust me, this works.

I finally opted out of the office gift exchange as well. There was very much a "we don't want anyone's feelings getting hurt" attitude so there was no white elephant/Yankee swapping. You brought a gift and you took a gift, end of story. One year I opted for a gift that looked promising. It turned out to be a crafty lawn ornament thing for the holidays covered in a fine layer of dust. I was a single guy renting an apartment.

A little off topic but a co worker was getting married one summer. At her bridal shower she received a gift from a college friend who was also getting married that same summer. The gift was obviously regifted; it had been opened. It was a silver punch bowl my coworker would never use. The Friend's bridal shower was a couple of weeks after my coworkers so she takes the regifted present to "Things Remembered", gets it engraved with her Friend's name and the date of her wedding and gave it right back to her. She told her friend, "I liked the one you gave me so much I decided to get you one too!"

First World Problems...

My mother gave me a pair of turquoise pants made of stretchy fabric and with a stripe of white piping sewn into the two outer seams. I'm male and was about 23 at the time. She thought they were a pretty color, and they were, but Jesus fucking Christ.

Well, if you both agree that they're pretty, then what's the problem?

Well, maybe they class with his fishnets and belly shirt, r154.

[quote]One sock she knitted said "Chocolate Sista" down the damn sock.

BWWWAAAHAAAA!

I would LOVE a pair of socks that said "Chocolate Sista" on them!

[quote]My mother gave me a pair of turquoise pants made of stretchy fabric and with a stripe of white piping sewn into the two outer seams. I'm male and was about 23 at the time. She thought they were a pretty color, and they were, but Jesus fucking Christ.

You're Ethel Mertz!

Its not always the thought that counts. According to my sister, I gave her the worst gift ever. She loves to knit and quilt, and always has a craft bag with her, so while browsing in a fancy antiques store, I naturally thought of her when I saw a pair of exquisite thread scissors made in the 18th century. They were gold plated, with amber and gold handles, and had their own carved ivory and tortoise-shell storage case. Well, she bitched about it for nearly 5 years, bringing it up every Christmas, till I got fed up and told her to regift them back to me. Lo and behold, they were under my tree the very next year. Since I don't sew, I took them to a framer and had them mounted on brown velvet in shadow boxes which I hung in the entrance hall. They look fantastic, and I received so many compliments about them over the years. Sis looks sick every time she sees them.

[quote]I spent about $600 on my family and this is all I fucking got???

Why are you so stupid that you were spending $600 on Giftmas r141? Too bad you don't have the intelligence to just say "No!" Who held a gun to your head to tell you that you're required to buy gifts for distribution on December 25th?

Ramen Noodles wrapped in comics from the Sunday paper. I was seven. Am I going to hell for writing this?

My partner's passive-aggressive, Catholic parents, gave us matching silver heart necklaces with the "Lords prayer" engraved on it from QVC.

Neither of us are religious.

R161 Did you check QVC's return policy? LOL

Good idea, R162!

Ugly yellow pajamas with feet. Made of the ugliest, cheapest, thin, scratchy material ever.

A two foot plastic statue of Bullwinkle. I'm not a cartoon fan or have ever watched a single episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

One year my INSANE sister-in-law, who fancies herself an occasional Martha-type crafter, gave out these dishtowel dolls. They wouldn't have been so ugly had she not chosen to hot-glue "googly-eyes" and a pipecleaner mouth on each of them, giving them a suspiciously mammy-type look. Example at the link (sans the customization):

I don't know which one of these made cackle more:

This one:

"My aunt gave me TONS of socks she had knitted. I mean every color, size, shape, some had stars on them. One sock she knitted said "Chocolate Sista" down the damn sock."

Or this one:

"When I was about 8 years old, my aunt sent me sexy baby blue lingerie. BUT when I was 17, she sent me a pair of royal-blue mittens! Not even gloves, mittens!"

"Chocolate Sista" might just be my new authenticated name.

R118~

I think it's sweet that your folks recognized your gayness.

They gifted you with a Show Boat and the most fashionable GI Joe.

You should have put Joe to use in the Show Boat!

When you wear the 'chocolate sista' socks please wear your hair like this-

Honey, she got those combs for free.

Duh.

R3 wins.

This isn't a bad gift, just annoying. I love to read, and implore my daughter (from an early marriage) to just get me a gift certificate at Amazon.com that I could use to by books of MY CHOICE during the year.

Instead, every Christmas I get books from her that SHE likes or were in the $1 bin. For example, a book by Larry King that essentially worshipped every guest he has ever interviewed. A book by Martha Stewart on how to prepare the perfect Halloween for children. A book by Sean Hannity (which includes a section on how sick queers are - they all fist each other supposedly). A book by the latest Financial Wiz Kid on how to become a millionnaire by investing in the stock market. A book by Marilyn Monroe's temporary maid - only revelation was that Marilyn bleached her pubic hair to match her white blonde hair.

In other words, books that year after year were always inappropriate for me. Then due to a sense of responsibility to her, I feel I have to keep the damn books - usually packed very high up on the bookcase with a framed picture in front of them.

Socks, always got socks from my aunts. Now, I've learned to appreciate them as an adult.

[quote]A two foot plastic statue of Bullwinkle. I'm not a cartoon fan or have ever watched a single episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle

LOL, you made me spit out my morning coffee!

I am astonished that you people get gifts from aunts and uncles, even cousins. Geez, I was lucky to even get anything from my folks - very penny pinching misers like Scrooge.

However, every year well meaning ladies at work and in social settings give me tons of home made cookies, chocolates and sticky rice Krispie bars. Being on a perpetual diet, it is all useless to me.

Errm. Duly noted, R152 :)

One Christmas years ago when we were both in our teens, my younger brother announced to me that I shouldn't get him a gift, because he wasn't going to be giving me one. We were never that close, we still aren't, but I was taken aback by the bluntness of the remark. I gave him his present anyway. Thirty-plus years later, he gives his comeback performance, this time it was " I'll get ya' something later next year". It was good for a chuckle somewhat later, as I cleaned the china and nursed a bourbon. Oh well.

I've pretty much eliminated myself from anyone's bad gift giver lists by following the ",Liquor Money, Gift Certificate" rule. This works even with a female cousin who used to give me the most inappropriate gifts-anyone wanna buy my 1978-vintage Sarah Coventry signs-of-the-Zodiac "disco" necklace? The horror.

R177, please peruse EBAY. Authentic Sarah Coventry period jewelry is worth money to collectors. You necklace could be the centerpiece of some queen's collection!

My mother swore by Sarah Coventry, the Joan Rivers of her period.

My favorite piece of her jewelry were 2 earrings. Each was a miniature bowl of fruit hanging from the year by 3 little faux gold chains (like a tripod to make sure the tiny bowl stayed balanced correctly). My mother has died, and no one will fess up to who took those earrings. As the only gay son in the family, I think they should be mine.

If I was a woman, I think one of my trademarks would be to intentionally wear over-the-top vintage jewelry. I even like some of Joan Rivers' collections, but am not a caftan gay and do not buy them. I guess I could start buying some Greek or Roman busts and adorn them with earrings and necklaces.

[quote] I am astonished that you people get gifts from aunts and uncles, even cousins.

Same here. I would get a knitted scarf or gloves from my American grandmother for Christmas, but my Irish grandparents never gave me a present for Christmas or my birthday.

Red plastic earrings shaped like cowboy hats from a dotty aunt.

From my poor dear father this year, who is losing his marbles, a bizarre satin burgundy hat covered in curly ribbon and rhinestones.

Another one from my crazy sister-in-law: an already assembled jigsaw puzzle/clock depicting a Victorian-era London scene of Big Ben with two men in period dress in one corner. My sister-in-law said, "I thought you guys would like this because it has two men on it--see?"

My partner threw it out a couple of days later.

From my long term bf passive aggressive faghag who is always broke: an old, used grey scarf. I swear the thing was dirty. I couldn't believe she went through the motions of wrapping it up. I couldn't care less about presents. It was so old and used, it was creepy that she gave it to me.

From my Mom: an acyrilic op art chunky sweater with black and white knit waves that might have been appropriate for Wham in the '80's. I was visiting her in Ohio and I tried to wear it to take the dog out for a walk and in a city where I know NO one, I couldn't leave the house with it on. It was beyond hideous! But my Mom is great and I always loved the effort.

My sister in law gave me an ice scraper. I think she bought it at the gas station on the way to my parents' house.

At least my brother had the sense to be embarrassed when I opened it in front of everyone, including his four children upon whom I had lavished very thoughtful gifts.

I wonder how many of you over 50 on this thread have even thought about good or bad Christmas gifts in years? I will get them (got them, a few) and I still give a few to those I see on Xmas and a few of my staff- but much diminished.

My father, still alive and all there at 91, gives me a check that clearly I like- but then if he did not give checks to his children and grand children at Xmas he would do it, and does do it, at other times of the year. Not sure that they are gifts, rather sort of a constant way he shows his love and support and of course because he can. But then I guess that is what gifts should be, right?

I like the parties, I like the music and like the meals. I do not like the cards and I do not like the gifts. It seems a bit out of control.

Mind you, it was magic when I was a kid- all of it.

So I guess Xmas is mostly for children and those who have children to make magic for them with all the traditions. For me, it is a time of year for memories and to get together with those I love. T'Giving is more or less the same for me and I like it better because it does not have all the gift giving.

Charlie, do us all a favor and shut the fuck up.

I agree with Charlie. The pressure over correct or appropriate presents is too much. Our families agree to no gift-giving and we all appreciate having that one less thing to pay for or deal with. We do enjoy getting together for a holiday meal though. We're all over 50.

It was a birthday gift and not a Christmas gift, but my mom once bought me 40 lbs of airplane food. The factory where the food was made wasn't that far from her house and she thought it would make my life easier. Because everyone knows how awesome airplane food is, especially when you get to eat the same 4 kinds of it and over.

I laughed so hard reading some of these that I spit up chocolate-covered coffee beans all over the front of my shirt! No joke - and BTW, these were actually a good Christmas gift someone thought of for me since I love coffee and chocolate together and am prone to mention once in awhile how I can never find either product that is intense enough in flavor (French roast coffee and 99% cocoa dark chocolate are the closest)! These beans are intense and delicious!

I just have to add a comment on R158. Thinking of antique scissors for someone who knits etc. is an amazingly elegant and thoughtful gift to be cherished! Christ, I knit (Mary) and actually right now am using a red plastic-handled pair of kids' sized craft scissors! I would kill (almost) for those elegant antique scissors in all those wonderful materials! Amber handles? Please! I'm sorry, but your sister is an unappreciative biotch!

My mother likes to give me utilitarian gifts like kitchen gadgets I won't use or a foldable water bottle (that leaks if you don't get the cap on right) or bandana because I mentioned I MIGHT be taking a trip this summer and she thinks bandanas are good for trips or a lantern because we have had power issues.

My brother re-gifts things from gift bags that he gets from events in NYC. Sometimes the stuff is halfway decent. Sometimes it is not.

Several Christmases ago he gave my mother some of the L'Oreal samples that was being launched for the Beyonce line. I am sure that it was good product, but orange eye color does not look good on a 75-year old woman of Scottish descent.

This year I received a CD from another one of his giftbags --- DL favorite Lynda Carter singing the old standards (Summertime, Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man of Mine, and At Last). I guess Wonder Woman is finding her inner black diva. No wonder we love her so much.

From my partner's multi-millionaire father who was living in our guesthouse; one of those dark plastic sun visor things you clip on to the regular sun visor in your car.

[quote]This year I received a CD from another one of his giftbags --- DL favorite Lynda Carter singing the old standards (Summertime, Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man of Mine, and At Last).

I hope you treasured this gift, otherwise I've got 2 Angry Bird tees that I'd be willing to trade for.

My notoriously frugal grandmother was famous for re-gifting. Not new things that she didn't want, but thinks she found in closets and the attic.

One year I got a tie with a nasty stain on it. My mother saw it and remembered that it was the tie my dad wore at their wedding.

You don't even want to know about all the recycled wrapping paper and ribbons and bows.

I guess it was because she was a product of the depression. We'll probably be seeing more of that in the coming years.

One time I got some pineapple scented perfume from the dollar store.

My sister gave my 14 year old niece a garden gnome for Christams this year because she's been a total brat. Wrapped it up and stuck it under the tree. She let her think for the entire morning that was all she was getting.

I peed myself laughing at my niece. "She gave me a gnome."

My sister, who is rich, gave me a fucking CHIA PET a few years ago. No joke. Fucking bitch.

A chia pet! I think they cost $2.59 at CVS.

Sometimes a horrible gift can be great!

My workplace has everyone draw the name of someone else on staff. Then you have to find the tackiest, most crappy gift imaginable for that person. We'd give each other old pieces of shit we'd find stored away somewhere and we'd laugh riotously as we opened them.

R113, I'd rather have a good re-gift any day than a bad gift. One man's trash and all...

Every year my grandparents on my father's side would give us matching cheap-ass jewelry boxes from some cheap store (worse than Walmart), cheap costume jewelry and clothes that were about 3x too big. It's really hard to act grateful for things that we knew they didn't put a second of thought into, it was more about them going through the motions. What made matters worse was that we knew that our cousins were getting really nice gifts at the same time.

Yankee Swap at work, someone brought a shower curtain liner, not the shower curtain just the cheap plastic liner, as a gift.

Former boss, her first husband gave her a spatula, that's it.

getting a gigantic candle as a gift - 2 months after my apartment complex burned down.

Partner's sister gave me something that looked like half of a test tube with bits of paper in it. It says it is " bath confetti." This is under my tree right now.

I think I've posted this before. Mini velcro towel wraps, given to myself and my three brothers (we were all teens) by my father's nutty step-sister. My mother was appalled. After she left my other aunt exclaims "What the hell was she thinking?". We all got a good laugh out of it.

Sometimes the 'worst' can be great. In my Mom's clan, on Christmas, we do a swap thing and are supposed to bring gag gifts. One year I got a ceramic dog that my cousin painted to look like a dalmation. I love it and it sites on a bookshelf. Its about 3 feet tall.

My cousins passed away suddenly last year while on a hunting trip. So...it makes his gift even more special.

Gawker had a contest about this too. I never realized there were so many horrible gift-givers (and awful parents) in the world. One guy's mom gave him a $39.10 merchandise credit from Pottery Barn. One woman's father gave her leftover quarters from his laundromat trip, after spending Christmas at her apartment. Good lord.

My partner was a bad gift-giver early on in our relationship (he's gotten much better). The worst was one year where he gave me a stuffed bulldog toy. Mind you, it's cute, but the problem was that it was the "mascot" for the casino I was working at at the time. I sold dozens of those things that year. I remember turning to him and saying, "Why would you buy me this?" He acted like he got it at another store, but it had our logo on its collar.

Regifted crap from the giver's house. Actually not so much regifted as just packed up from among her own tchotchkes in a gift bag and presented to me. I know where and when she bought one of the items months before because she showed it off to me 6 months earlier and it was clear she meant to keep it for herself.

She was a work friend who shared a close mutual friend with me. When close mutual friend moved away she latched onto me, which was fine, but 2 weeks before Xmas she announced we were exchanging gifts. Ok...I was struggling and could barely afford my usual list but I figured with effort and thought (and some REALLY cheap brown bag lunches) I could squeeze out a gift she would appreciate.

After two weeks of pasta-in-Tupperware lunches I went to the mall, search high and low, and found a lovely wall calendar that was perfect for her. It was over-sized photos of the Beatles, one of her favorites that she was very into at the time.

So I found a decent, thoughtful gift within my price range, and she packed up chipped photo frames (in feminine motifs--I'm a guy and pretty masculine at that) and candle holders WITH melted wax from obvious use, all of which I recognized from her home, which I had visited multiple times. And no, she was not poor. She drove a fairly new car, got manicures regularly, and we worked together so I know roughly what she made which was more than me.

Pretty shitty. She was very flaky and probably just changed her mind about items she bought for herself, but how she could think I wouldn't connect the obviously used items with things I had seen in her home makes no sense to me.

Has everyone tossed their worst Christmas presents from 2011?

I prayed for Summer's Eve and only got Massengel.

[quote]Has everyone tossed their worst Christmas presents from 2011?

Still here, Miss Hunty!

One year my boss (I worked in an office) gave me a bag of wild rice. Honestly, I didn't really care because he treated me well throughout the year and gift giving wasn't a big part of the office culture. I would rather have not gotten anything than to have to act grateful for a bag of wild rice.

bump

My aunt one year bought me a cheaply made shooting game where you shot at targets on a cardboard cut out alien but I wish I still had it because it was from a little sci-fi movie that came out that year starring some chick named Sigourney.

One year my boyfriend and I went Christmas shopping for his mother. He bought her a very nice $500 necklace. I thought that my gift would surely be even better!

On Christmas morning I opened his gift. He'd bought me...an APRON.

What can I say? He's Italian. It comes with the territory.

Now, the socks you loved to wear is the book you'll LOVE TO READ!

[quote]My cousins passed away suddenly last year while on a hunting trip. So...it makes his gift even more special.

Perhaps you should have given him a good pair of running shoes.

I got a rock.

In the 1990s, my sister bought me a Barenaked Ladies cassette.

I was like WTF?

She said how much I liked them.

I don't even like them.

My sister is cray

The clap. From Santa. Damn this polar bear fetish!

bump

We did a gag gift one year at my former company. One of the gifts was a cheap paperback with a bookmark that said "My Other Ride Is Your Mother." I thought we were all going to die laughing.

I remember this thread. I had to search for the bag of panties and relive that moment from a couple of years ago. A howler.

In my last year of high school, a girl in my class (who I don't recall being in my incredibly small circle of friends) showed up at my house and gave me a Christmas present. It was a surprise as we weren't great friends, she had never been to my house and we had never exchanged gifts before. The present? A framed photo of us taken during work experience in Melbourne. The frame had 'best friends' written on it. It was awkward.

I still have my least favorite gift from last year, and am looking for the opportunity to regift it. Perhaps we need a DL gift-exchange. The gift is still in the plastic.

Anyone want DL Fave Lynda Carter singing the jazz standards?

The clap.

Kitchen utensils from the dollar store with cheap candles and cheap April $ brand lotion & a shower radio (probably $3). All together $10. Each carefully wrapped. That was '10 and she wonders why she hasn't been invited back here since. Oh and Table Talk pies for dessert. While I made a $50 lasangna with real mozzarella cheese and a full turkey breast. I bought her top quality towel sets with bath sheets that cost me about $100. No more! I don't mind if you're frugal with yourself but don't try that with me. When people pull this shit with you, do not act gracious. Poker face it. Somebody's gotta tell these trashy fucks that it isn't okay. I won't be treated like that.

A set of weight-loss meditation CDs. Think Louise Hay/Lazarus/Jenny Craig. Bitch mother of mine. I opened them at Christmas breakfast and she said "Maybe those will work! You've tried everything else!" Fucking Cunt.

Get help, R226.

r226 better be an EST. Because turkey lasagne sounds horrible.

They were just saying probably something like, "You didn't give too much to go on and sometimes to get through to your ass you have to look at a brick wall to see through it and they can't do that. You have to find that on your own and try and let them know what kind of gift you really wanted, which is probably what it was about all along.

Last year, my millionaire uncle got me a $5 hat. It was bad because I thought it was a joke because I instantly realized how cheap the gift was considering he didn't even throw for a card or envelope. Also earlier that year he got me arrested by leaving his drugs in my car. I spent a week in county jail and got a $2000 fine that he said he would pay for. He never actually paid a cent for the fine, except for the $5 camouflage hat. By the way I live in the suburbs, own no weapons and have never been hunting in my life. Thanks Unc..

Someone in our family was gifted a hideous shirt for a Christmas gift.From that time on, we wrapped and regifted among the family.

Bump for bad and unwanted Christmas gifts!

Not Christmas and not me, but a long time ago, I was working in a gay bar and a couple of regulars were there, celebrating their anniversary (they had actually met each other in the bar years earlier).

One partner gave his a gold necklace. That partner gave, in return - a chocolate initial (the first letter of his partner's name).

My brother's gift to me: Stephen King's IT. I am absolutely terrified of clowns. My reaction was a loud horrified scream, as I launched it across the room.

I got one of those "diet forks" with the splayed tongs too. They were a popular gift one year.

This was a few years after I'd moved away, gone to college, gotten my first job, etc.

My mom found some old FotL's in my underwear drawer in my old bedroom at home. Washed them and sent them to me in Boston. With a note that read, "I got them as white as I could!"

Crabs.

When I was a preteen my grandmother gave me a shitty hair brush. She gave my brother a brand new Kawasaki dirt bike, and either the full padding or the full outfit, I've blocked it out so I can't remember. My heart completely broke because I realized in that moment how worthless I was to her. Before then she had usually treated us as equals. After that Christmas she began telling me "you aren't special, you know" as often as possible. She'd call the house and if I picked up the phone I would attempt to ask her how she was, or even just say hello and she would cut me off and say "give the phone to your father"

Oh, I am so sorry r239. Your grandmother was a heartless cunt, and I hope the old sick bitch is burning in hell for such cruel treatment to a child.

YOU don't deserve any gifts OP..it's JESUS' birthday so why should YOU get a gift???? ingrate!

R239, I hope you know you are not worthless. I wish you a lovely, Merry Christmas.

This entire thread has been my best Christmas present, read every post. It is therapeutic, yes?

Perhaps DL can one day provide a gift swap. One man's trash...

Lots of this crap could be avoided by setting spending limits, or perhaps expectations.

We've been together 10 years, and we have a $100 limit for each other.

Of course, it's still quite possible to get $100 worth of crap. But it's only my husband and me, so that's easily avoided.

I got Vagisil anti-itch cream one year. Unbelievable.

R240 and R242 thank you for your kind words. She confused me because she was very liberal and lead me to so many of my positive ideas, but also treated me in a negative manor. As the years wore on my family became more liberal and life was good, but I've had such a hard time wondering what I must have done wrong to turn her off to me at such a young age. I'm a nice person. I care for others, I try to be helpful. She is now in an old age home and only my aunt visits her. She is a mean old woman, and even though she treated me badly, I would still like to visit her. But I feel I should protect myself, even still. I'm sort of disappointed in myself, but at the same time trying to protect myself. I wish her well. It's very sad.

I have a friend whose grandmother once gave him a can of baked beans.

My grandmother still gives me a ten dollar check every year.

My great aunt once gave me 'The War Against The Jews' for Christmas. I'd shown an interest in the subject.

I had the book lurking on my bookshelves for years and finally cleared it out about a year ago with a bunch of other books.

I was 15. I wanted Jesus Christ Superstar, and all I got were socks and underwear. I cried and cried.

The year I didn't get my black cha-cha heels! My Christmas was RUINED!

Thank you r216, whoever you are. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.

[quote]One sock she knitted said "Chocolate Sista" down the damn sock.

Two years later and this STILL cracks me up!

I got a tube of chapstick this year. Wow.

R29 gagging and choking over green peppers...what baby tastes you have.

My mom re-gifted me something that she just got as a gift from work 2 days ago.

Laudry Basket. Mom said it was from my baby brother, but I knew it was really from her, she wanted me to clean out my closet. Now that I think of it, perhaps it was a metaphor.

Yesterday I got a Christmas package from my grandma in the mail. It was a loaf of bread. I shit you not.

R257: was it store-bought, or did she bake it herself?

My sister used to give me, reliably every single year, and one of those boxed dress shirts that comes with a tie.

I hope a Goodwill shopper found a use for them.

After returning from a month long vacation in Australia, my wealthy brother and sister-in-law gave us our gifts:

My other brother and sister-n-law were presented with a $10 Christmas ornament, my niece received Playdo and I got... wait for it... refrigerator magnets.

No doubt all purchased at the airport before their return flight.

Why are so many rich people cheap,thoughtless cunts?!

[quote]I got Vagisil anti-itch cream one year. Unbelievable.

Are you male or female?

[quote]Why are so many rich people cheap,thoughtless cunts?!

It's how the old money gets old.

It might be different if my husband and I had kids, but all I can muster today is being sad.

My in-laws, who did give us some money (always welcome) also got me a fleece vest that's not really my style, and that I can't exchange because there aren't any of this particular store convenient to Chillicothe.

At least we can go to Chinatown for dinner, so there's that.

R260 I have a relative who is a millionaire and one year (not for Xmas) she got me a cheap t-shirt as a gift. It even had a stain right on the front of it. I'm not someone who likes to complain that a gift isn't "good enough" or anything but that was just pathetic.

R261 female.

[quote]There are plenty to choose from but one in particular stands out. When I was about 8, a relative gave me an elaborately wrapped tie box, with the cryptic comment that my dad would get more use from it but I'd get the benefits.

[quote]It turned out to be a novelty paddle with a picture of a bear and a deer on it, printed with "For the little deer with the bear behind."

[quote]Of course, my dad wasted no time in drumming up an excuse to try out his new toy that very day, following the directions on the device, and applying it vigorously to my bare bottom.

Damn, your relative was an asshole. And so was your dad. Was that a one time occurance, or did he continue to use your "Christmas present" on you for years to come?

Not a Christmas gift but one year my cheapskate sister in law gave her mom a ShamWow (an orange cloth to clean up spills that can be found in the "As seen on TV" bin at Walgreens) for Mother's Day.

R193, I would love to have the tie my father wore to his wedding. But why was his mother keeping it all those years?

My five siblings and I always received a bizarre and useless group gift from our kooky aunt Phyllis, a wrinkled smoker with a scratchy voice who looked like a cross between a pixie and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

One year we got the "Mood Cube," a four-inch block of yellow plastic with a smiley-face-type cartoon illustrating a different mood on each side with identifying captions. We didn't know what to do with it but we never forgot it. We adored aunt Phyllis in spite of her horrible gifts.

my sister stopped giving me christmas (and birthday) presents. i get pictures painted by her children instead. i don't know what to think of that...it's not that i need the present - we agreed on small stuff way before and the paintings are really cute. but nothing? not even a bottle of wine or flowers or something? i do get long lists of possible presents for her children, tho.

[quote]Little did I realize that my father had decided that he'd spent the alloted time on my "stupid" Christmas present and wasn't about to spend any more time on it. The telescope was never fixed and I was never able to use it. Of course, it was my fault for asking for such a "stupid" present.

Wow, r119. If Galileo had a father like yours, we never would have discovered Uranus!

I'd have worn my Chocolate Sista socks with pride over being completely ignored by my mother.

Bump!

Don't give me (or anyone else) Christmas related stuff. We're opening presents. Christmas is pretty much over. Why give something that will have to be stored away for a year.

We had a secret Santa at work, limit $15. I went to the mall and saw a nice gift pack from Hickory Farms for $20, so I said what the hay, I'll spend the extra $5. I got a bottle of hot sauce...I'm not Latino, I can't stomach hot sauce. I gave it to one of our Mexican workers who laughed at it. This year Secret Santa, I said no, and I told everyone why.

Even in the darkest moments "Chocolate Sista" makes me smile.

Why do adults buy each other Christmas gifts? I think it is silly. I could never pick out a gift for anyone else and I am broke and so are half the people I know.

One year, my brother and I each received a luggage tag from our aunt. Last year was a hand-knitted teal-colored neck warmer.

If she were poor that'd be one thing, but she travels overseas regularly, and brags about her "charitable" retirement scheme (a sort of IRA where 10% goes to charity, and one pays nothing on the accrued proceeds from the rest, as I understand it).

$8 skillet from dollar general.

I wonder what the thinking process is for people who give terrible/inappropriate gifts. Last Christmas, a co worker gave me homemade coasters: 4 ceramic tiles with pieces of cork glued underneath so that the "coasters" do not scratch where they sit. I kept one in my office to sit my coffee cup atop it, although I think it is rather tacky and cheap looking, for it clearly looks like what it is: ceramic tile. In return, I gave her a $25 gift certificate to a local restaurant where I know she gets lunch frequently. This I bought her after getting her gift. I was not expecting anything from her and did not want to NOT give her something. Unlike my co worker, I noticed what she likes and gave her a gift I knew she would enjoy. And it wasn't that hard! That is what "it's the thought that counts" means.

I got a few doozies.

One year ( 1987 / 88 ) I got a giant beer mug with a picture of Spuds McKenzie on it from my brother. Not only that, it was used because the picture was fading and peeling from being put in the dishwasher.

At a work "Secret Santa" exchange, I got one of those resin statuettes with some type of sad eyed urchin holding a banner that had "I wuv you THIS much". WTF? Was there an office sow that had a crush on me and "wuved" me? Yeesh!

An elderly ( and more then likely senile) aunt gave me a stuffed Tasmanian Devil--the cartoon one from Looney Toons.

I would actually LIKE getting a Tasmanian Devil gift (assuming it was new, not used).

This thread dates back to 2010.

Geez, get a life !

Some of us are still emotionally scarred from the teapot in the shape of a cottage, complete with chipped spout and strange smelling dark green stains inside r282. WE NEED TO VENT!

Bump. Someone needs to start a Chocolate Sista Etsy shop.

We had a Pollyanna or Secret Santa at a former job, and I got a broken Nutcracker doll. One arm was off and the head was half torn off. I still hate that cow that gave it to me to this day.

My partner's mother's newest husband, both are the epitome of white trash, gave us each a few scratch offs one year. I played along and with one ticket won....maybe $40....I don't remember the exact amount. Well, the husband snatched it from my hand AND KEPT IT. KEPT IT! Three Christmases later when we trudged back to Texas (ugh), he gave out another set of scratch offs. I laughed it off and said, in a good-natured but to the point manner, "Oh no! The last time we did this I won and you kept it! You can just keep those for yourself!" Even he had to smile....what else could he do? He didn't win. Haha.

That was the same Christmas from which I posted that the mother and her family were having a serious discussion about which has the better bread--McDonalds or Jack in the Box. I kept looking at my partner and thinking, "Worth it?"

All I wanted for Christmas was my two front teeth.

But what I got was peace on Earth.

Fuck that shit.

Any chocolate sistas to report?

Chocolate Sista bump

A few years ago from my boss - what looked like a hand-knit shawl. Bright teal blue and puke green WITH FRINGE. It sheds on EVERYTHING! Thinking of using it as a blanket for my kitten to lay on; removing the fringe first, of course.

I am hoping for some Chocolate Sista love this year.

This reminds me, about 12 or 13 years ago one of my aunts gave me an America's Funniest Home Videos Holiday dvd for Christmas. Needless to say, I never watched it and don't know what became of it.

Not received by me, but given by me. I gave my mother a Christmas ornament made of beeswax. She thought that beeswax was bee excrement so she didn't even want to touch it.