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What are the dead giveaways that a guy is closeted?

Besides belonging to the church of Scientology. %0D %0D %0D Or dating Cher.

by Anonymousreply 24910/28/2015

He has sex with men but won't admit he's gay. It's a good indicator.

by Anonymousreply 111/20/2010

Persistent homophobia. Extreme religiosity.

by Anonymousreply 211/20/2010

The way he looks at Rodiney.

by Anonymousreply 411/20/2010

Loves to sing along with show tunes

by Anonymousreply 511/20/2010

The way he _doesn't_ look at women.

They way he looks at men when he thinks no one is watching him.

by Anonymousreply 811/20/2010

R5, would a guy who wants to be thought of as straight really do that?

by Anonymousreply 911/20/2010

Track lighting.

by Anonymousreply 1111/20/2010

Brings me to his company picnic Christmas party, but spends the rest of the year carrying his Yorkshire Terrier around in a basket while wearing hot-pants.

by Anonymousreply 1211/20/2010

He dates a virginal Mormon.

by Anonymousreply 1311/20/2010

"Or dating Cher."%0D %0D I thought it was Liza who dated some doubtful ones!

by Anonymousreply 1611/20/2010

He says he is bisexual.

by Anonymousreply 1711/20/2010

More serious response, please.

by Anonymousreply 1911/20/2010

To me, if he is 46, never married, never seen with a girlfriend (even though he is rich and good looking), I say he's gay.

by Anonymousreply 2011/20/2010

If he's married to Penelope Cruz.

by Anonymousreply 2111/20/2010

Only dates models but seems to have a two or three year time limit.

by Anonymousreply 2211/20/2010


by Anonymousreply 2311/20/2010

Guys that constantly complain about their girlfriends and act like they are being held prisoner by them. Guys that are bitchy in general.

by Anonymousreply 2411/20/2010

Was a ballet dancer and chief of staff for Obama.

by Anonymousreply 2511/20/2010

"I understand women."

Or anything similar to that.

by Anonymousreply 2711/20/2010

Hosts a show on MSNBC.

by Anonymousreply 2811/20/2010

My ex-boyfriend:%0D %0D age 57 and never married%0D %0D has grown to really love musicals%0D %0D loves paintings, sculpture, all art at art museums%0D %0D loves the symphony and symphonic music%0D %0D has lived with a platonic childhood friend for last 30 years in a house that five guys owned together at age 27 and then the 5 guys dwindled to just two guys 20 years ago%0D %0D very devoted to his parents who live in the same city with him, especially devoted to his mother and seeks her company%0D %0D chose blue and pink flowered wallpaper for one of his bathrooms 15 years ago%0D %0D no girlfriends, except for me in last 30 years%0D %0D this part doesn't seem to fit in - very athletic all his life - played football and baseball in college and high school, has been a coach of baseball his whole adult life%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 2911/20/2010

R29, does he ping to you or other people(based on his mannerisms, not based on the info you posted)?

by Anonymousreply 3011/20/2010

Rich Lowry is gay?

by Anonymousreply 3111/20/2010

Wants children but just hasn't found the right woman.

by Anonymousreply 3211/20/2010

Sobs after cumming.

by Anonymousreply 3311/20/2010

Back in the 80s, we used to joke that the true test of a closeted was his thinking that Linda Evans was hot. Straight men didn't find Evans fuckable, but gay men believed that straight men did want to fuck her. We used to joke about that. Yes, I'm ancient.

by Anonymousreply 3411/20/2010

He's Indiana State Senator Brett Waltz. A very queeny closeted conservative who is VERY opposed to same sex marriage.

by Anonymousreply 3511/20/2010

Yuck r35 Never heard of the guy but watching him for 15 seconds on Youtube told me all I need to know. The first name is Brent by the way.

by Anonymousreply 3611/21/2010

Directs the church choir.

by Anonymousreply 3711/21/2010

"Back in the 80s, we used to joke that the true test of a closeted was his thinking that Linda Evans was hot"%0D %0D %0D %0D %0D Richard Chamberlain used her as his beard when he was closeted

by Anonymousreply 3811/21/2010

R30, no, people do not think he pings at all.%0D %0D He has no gay mannerisms.%0D %0D And I don't think he pings.

by Anonymousreply 3911/21/2010

R40, which celebrities does that apply to?

by Anonymousreply 4111/21/2010

It used to be true of Ricky Martin's fan forum message board/discussion section on his website.

by Anonymousreply 4211/21/2010


by Anonymousreply 4311/21/2010

Married and divorced young, NEVER remarried (and claims he hasn't met anyone new who's "worth marrying")%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 4511/21/2010

[bold]What are the dead giveaways that a guy is closeted?%0D [/bold]%0D %0D %0D He's a elected politician from the Republican Party.

by Anonymousreply 4611/21/2010

Likes older actresses.

by Anonymousreply 4711/21/2010

Being Jake Gyllenhaal.

by Anonymousreply 4811/21/2010

Guys who say, I don't have a label on my sexuality. I know this one guy who wouldn%E2%80%99t use any labels to define his sexuality. He had sex with women and men and now he claims he is into men fully no more woman. Not since he has got his full jollies out of them. Anyway, The guy was a pure closet case, and the worst kind because he would get his jollies manipulating theses women into have sex, and treat them really well. When he went out with women he said he looked at a guy, but he told himself he had no desire for them anymore, and he was not going to do that. After a while, he told his various girlfriends he had along the way that he was into guys.

He expresses how straight men treat women badly, and how he understood the horrors what women go through. He said he understood Madonna%E2%80%99s song What it Feels Like For A Girl? was about, but men just didn't get it but he did, my eyes rolled. I said oh really? I said, you sexually used women, which is bottom of the barrel, and played with their emotions. When he told them he was into guys he says to this day to them, I%E2%80%99m so sorry I hurt you I miss you so much. Uh? huh? He continues to point the finger at men saying what scum they are, and how they mistreat women. What a hypocritical jerk! I think bisexual guys are much more major users, and losers than straight guys. Another thing, they are major closet cases who can%E2%80%99t be man enough to admit that they are gay.

One last thing, you know what else ticks me off? This jerk says, society doesn%E2%80%99t allow me to have equal rights because they won%E2%80%99t allow me the right to get married. I said, shame on you! You can get an erection for the opposite sex because you have been a bisexual closet case, and you can marry a woman, and live a straight life worst comes to worst, but gay men can%E2%80%99t do that because they have no sexual feelings for women.

by Anonymousreply 4911/21/2010

[quote]Back in the 80s, we used to joke that the true test of a closeted was his thinking that Linda Evans was hot. Wasn't Linda Evans considered a dumb blonde sex kitten like all the other (ex)wives of John Derek (Ursula Andress and Bo Derek)? Or did that change with Dynasty?

by Anonymousreply 5011/21/2010

He and his buddy buy a house in the Hamptons and spread the word that's known as the Pussy Palace.

by Anonymousreply 5111/21/2010

Brings up the subject of homosexuality when ever he can, but usually in jokey manner, it's called relative validation, and most gay men who were nce in the close will know what I am talking about. Another way is ask a guy who his fav pornstar is, if he can't come up with a name, it's probably coz he is gay and never watches straight porn. All straight men, like all gay guys have a fav pornstar.

by Anonymousreply 5211/21/2010

Just because a guy is into sports does not prove he is hetrosexual. There have been plenty of gay professional athletes over time. My gay BFF is a huge football and hockey fan.

by Anonymousreply 5311/21/2010

whitebread exclusively "dates"/marries asian women.

by Anonymousreply 5411/21/2010

Being Wenty Miller.

by Anonymousreply 5511/21/2010

He hires a horse and carriage for the wedding.%0D

by Anonymousreply 5711/22/2010

His wife is manager of a women's softball team and has a bad perm.

by Anonymousreply 5811/22/2010

He wears Italian cut suits to his drab suburban office job and spends an hour a day on grooming.

by Anonymousreply 5911/22/2010

He makes triangles on the wall of his cube out of pink push pins.

by Anonymousreply 6111/22/2010

He has a marked preference for Greek key design.%0D

by Anonymousreply 6211/22/2010

Any time he's alone with a gay guy he acts like he's going to be raped.%0D His friendliness to gay guys vanishes the minute anyone else enters the room.

by Anonymousreply 6311/22/2010

I want to hear more about Rich Lowry. His gushing over Sarah Palin's winks is starting to make sense now.

by Anonymousreply 6411/22/2010

He is effeminate and comes from Haiti. You never see his wife.%0D

by Anonymousreply 6511/22/2010

Rich Lowery is cute but has a gf

by Anonymousreply 6611/22/2010

He's a control FREAK to the max! He enthusiastically supports the death penalty to the point of being a serial killer. Pro guns. He a Republican, Texas style, of course. Anti-gay. Wants to get rid of all entitlement programs and diseducate the populace to zero. If he has hair, its styled and very conscious of appearance.

by Anonymousreply 6711/22/2010

He seems to enjoy a 8 inch cock up his waazoooooo.

by Anonymousreply 6811/22/2010

He says 'my wife' in the first few minutes (or even seconds) of meeting him.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 6911/22/2010

1) Bakes

2) Sings in a choir

3) Virgin at 24

4) Loves musical theater

5) Refuses to get drunk

6) Religious family

All a single case. He ultimately married an older woman he met in the church choir. Shame. He was a cutie.

by Anonymousreply 7011/22/2010

Comes to DL religously and starts most posts with, "Straight guy here..."

by Anonymousreply 7111/22/2010

Music/choir director for some Evangelical megachurch.%0D %0D There was an episode of House Hunters on HGTV this weekend (it was a repeat) of some closet queen choir director and his frumpy, scrap booking wife and kids looking for a new house in Atlanta. The husband had terminal gay voice/gay face. %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 7211/22/2010

Gay voice and gay face are not "terminal."

by Anonymousreply 7311/22/2010

Brian Boitano was annoucing at Improv Ice show on tv yesterday, and he has the largest, most blatent, craziest gay voice on planet earth.%0D %0D He ranks at the top of gay voices - no one on plant earth has a larger gay voice than he does. It is jaw dropping and sounds like a parody.

by Anonymousreply 7411/22/2010

I agree with two things said on this thread. Sort of.%0D %0D The first dead give-away: his eyes. Where does he look? Does he ignore women? Do his eyes linger on men when he thinks no one is looking? How does he react when an openly gay man is introduced to him. I'm guessing it will be one of two extremes: completely avoiding the gay man's gaze, or lettling lose "Travolta style" and leering at him as if nobody notices. Remember closet cases often fool themselves as to how hidden they are. And they generally think any gay man would drop anything to do them, since they often drop everything to have a chance at "secretive" gay sex.%0D %0D Secondly, that favorite porn actress question. First of all, in what context would you ask that of a relative stranger? Besides which, he could either have memorized some women's names on the internet or from the porn store. Or conversely, he could say his religiously opposed to it.%0D %0D An easier question is who are his favorite actresses. If he's a big fan of Judi Dench and Helen Mirren--gay. If he says Megan Fox or Blake Lively--probably straight. If he's over 17 and says Blake Lively and Leighton Meester--gay.%0D %0D And so on.

by Anonymousreply 7511/22/2010

Frumpy or plain wife is a good clue.

Is enthusiastically involved in planning his own wedding.

by Anonymousreply 7611/22/2010

Where do you get the idea that married straight men, or even most unmarried straight men watch porn?%0D %0D They do not.%0D %0D Just because gay guys watch porn it doesn't mean most straight guys - married and unmarried- go.%0D %0D You are way off base on the topic of porn.

by Anonymousreply 7811/22/2010

Hates, hates, hates his wife's shoes.

by Anonymousreply 7911/22/2010

Bless your heart, R78.

by Anonymousreply 8011/22/2010

meant to type:%0D %0D Just because gay guys watch porn it doesn't mean most straight guys - married and unmarried- do.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 8111/22/2010

I've known a ton of men who do not watch porn.%0D %0D Educated men with masters and Phd degrees - or just educated men in general - often do not watch porn at all.%0D %0D What the heck does your wikipedia entry, R82, have to do with anything?%0D %0D You are so far off base and demented and uneducated and low brow and unsophisticated that your own personal reality is not anywhere near reality.

by Anonymousreply 8311/22/2010

Gale Harold R41 - never question his sexuality on his IMDB fangurl board unless you want to be verbally stabbed to death.

by Anonymousreply 8511/22/2010

"Educated men with masters and Phd degrees - or just educated men in general - often do not watch porn at all."%0D %0D %0D %0D %0D I actually do know a couple men who don't watch porn at all, but I don't think education has much to do with watching porn.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 8611/22/2010

Very, very into the romance of their relationships with women (versus sex).

by Anonymousreply 8711/22/2010

Who is the troll who keeps insisting that nobody with education, taste and class watches pornographic entertainment, as if watching porn reflects poorly on one's character and intelligence? My hunch is that 82's point, which I thought completely obvious even with my porn-addled faculties, is that the pornographic entertainment industry is massive, indicating that many men, probably from all walks of life with all kinds of educational and occupational backgrounds, watch the stuff. Keep that head in the sand you funny little ostrich :)

by Anonymousreply 8811/22/2010

He's in the closet if all his fangirls are saying, "he simply hasn't found the right girl!" And he's in his mid-forties.

by Anonymousreply 8911/22/2010

R61 Pink triangles, really? I'd say he isn't very closeted then.

by Anonymousreply 9011/23/2010

If he says he prefers his motorcycles over women because of too many problems with girlfriends.

by Anonymousreply 9111/23/2010

Dressed as Sarah Palin for Halloween.

by Anonymousreply 9211/23/2010

Log cabin-type, white, pasty, pudgy, single with small dogs.

by Anonymousreply 9311/24/2010

WEHT Ken Mehlman? He made a big splash with coming out and announcing all the wonderful things he planned to do for the gays, and then he was gone.

by Anonymousreply 9411/24/2010

Fiancee in another state and no date set.%0D

by Anonymousreply 9511/24/2010

Has a vanity table and calls it a "vanity table."

by Anonymousreply 9711/24/2010

[quote]Where do you get the idea that married straight men, or even most unmarried straight men watch porn? They do not.%0D %0D I am assuming you are unaware of the multi- billion dollar straight porn industry fueled on the wages of straight men, married and unmaried and which keeps women in either chains or clover depending on you view, is a figment of colective imagination?%0D %0D Who on Earth do you think is driving the straight porn empires of the entire planet? Gay men? %0D %0D Of course not every straight man looks at or is interested in porn on the internet but it's no excuse to live in dreamland. %0D %0D You sound as if you're worried about your boyfriend. Better go home and check what he's been watching on the old laptop!

by Anonymousreply 9811/24/2010

There are plenty of straight men - both married and unmarried - who do not watch porn.%0D %0D And they certainly do not have a 'favorite female porn star'.%0D %0D I was objecting to the idea of one poster who seemed to think that every straight man has a 'favorite female porn star' which is totally absurd.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 9911/24/2010

I'm just saying that there are plenty of straight men who do not watch porn.

by Anonymousreply 10111/24/2010

He co-hosts "Live" when Regis has a day off.

by Anonymousreply 10212/01/2010

He walks around looking like Ted Kazinski so that no woman will give him a second look.

by Anonymousreply 10312/01/2010

It's true, some straight guys just have enough fucking going on that they don't watch that much least young men. It's kind of a habit and if you never spent much time developing the habit...

by Anonymousreply 10412/01/2010

Prada shoes. Seriously.

by Anonymousreply 10512/01/2010

Thinks growing up in New Jersey gives him street cred.%0D

by Anonymousreply 10612/01/2010

His pearly pink toenails peeking out of his summer sandals.

by Anonymousreply 10712/02/2010

You know he's gay when he and George Clooney send hunky gay callboys to each other.

by Anonymousreply 10812/13/2010

He's just divorced the woman who plays his sister on tv.

by Anonymousreply 10912/13/2010

He has an endearing masculine nickname for his wife, wherein he has transformed her gender.%0D

by Anonymousreply 11212/15/2010

Has a fat girlfriend.

by Anonymousreply 11312/15/2010

[quote]Wikipedia: In the United States, the pornographic film industry is centered in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, with an estimated 200 production companies in the region employing as many as 15,000 performers, making up to 11,000 films and estimated to earn as much as $13 billion a year%0D %0D That doesn't mean all staright guys watch porn. Those figures don't even add up to 50% of straight guys watching porn. %0D %0D The non-porn film industry has abominably larger figures and - still - not everybody in the world watches films.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 11412/15/2010

If I weren't gay I'd never watch porn. The only reason I do is growing up gay in a small town, no other gay people around, no gay men on TV and if there were they were totally sexless. So for most gay men, watching gay porn is more common.

by Anonymousreply 11512/15/2010

If he pretends to date very famous, very rich, blond actress or singer that have zero sex appeal and are total phonies. His movies flop and he is only really known by the tabloid stories his people pay US Weekly to do cover stories on. Oh and his first name is Jake.

by Anonymousreply 11612/15/2010

He's closeted if he's the Commandant of the Marine Corps speaking out against the repeal of DADT.

by Anonymousreply 11712/15/2010

When his name is Keanu Reeves.

by Anonymousreply 11812/15/2010

He's on the cover of People's Sexiest Man, issue.

by Anonymousreply 11912/15/2010

Getting a divorce and either not remarrying or not finding another primary (het) relationship within a couple of years. Bf's brother is obviously in the closet but prefers to hide behind his disguise of a divorced dad and claims he doesn't want to hurt the kids by risking another bad relationship, or "set a bad example" by living with another woman outside of marriage.%0D %0D Yeah, sure. And when I see you down at the local gay watering hole, I'll pretend I don't know you. %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 12012/15/2010

I lot of sad, desperate speculation on gay message boards.

by Anonymousreply 12112/15/2010

Born-again Xtian, Jehovah, or priest.

by Anonymousreply 12212/15/2010

I spoke to Ted Kaczynski once and he took off like a scared rabbit. He was deathly afraid of gay people.%0D

by Anonymousreply 12312/15/2010

He claims that he's open-minded about sex and if he were to label himself he would say that he's a bisexual.

by Anonymousreply 12412/22/2010

I have a friend...

*Divorced his first wife after a couple of years

*Remarried an evangelical

*Was intending to build a home where the wife would live with him and "my close friend," i.e, a former Marine

Uh huh.

by Anonymousreply 12512/22/2010

[quote]this part doesn't seem to fit in - very athletic all his life - played football and baseball in college and high school, has been a coach of baseball his whole adult life

What a jerky homophobe R29 sounds like. Hate when straight women think they belong here yet write shit like this.

by Anonymousreply 12612/23/2010

Correction: every single post by R29 (and she's spewing her homophobic straight cunty crap all over this thread; thank you, troll-dar) makes her seem more like she should be flamed off DL. Her views on gay men are stereotypical in the offensive extreme, she thinks we don't know any educated straight men (hah), and she gets snittier with every pathetic post.

'Back to ivillage, cunt' has never made more sense to me.

by Anonymousreply 12712/23/2010

Dates Taylor Swift.

by Anonymousreply 12812/23/2010

Very handsome guy married to plain woman, especially if the guy has a prestigious (e.g., MD, atty.) job

by Anonymousreply 12912/23/2010

wants to film a love scene with julianne moore. seriously.

by Anonymousreply 13112/23/2010

Stop arguing with her. She used "heck" in her original post. That's proof enough she doesn't know any real straight men. There are essentially NO men other than Dominionists under the age of 50 and over the age of 18 who have never watched porn. There are some older than that because of technophobia and time of life issues and some younger who are still unduly influenced by their parents or religion.%0D %0D %0D %0D %0D %0D %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 13212/23/2010

R18 seems to know what he's talking about...

by Anonymousreply 13312/23/2010

Lives with a male roommate even though he has tons of money and can afford to live on his own

by Anonymousreply 13412/23/2010

What's with the Jehovah Witness connection. I had no idea, are most of the men gay.

by Anonymousreply 13512/23/2010

have a freak of a religious family that calls themselves the pillar of their community, cut your long hair, join a soccer team, and marry the ugly chick that looks like a man. spend some time in san fran..... live angry and unmotivated, have 2 kids but fuck around with dudes.... just a guess.

by Anonymousreply 13612/23/2010

Announces he'll be marrying his gf by the end of the year, but forgets to mention *what* year.

by Anonymousreply 13712/23/2010

He claims that he's open-minded about sex and if he were to label himself he would say that he's a bisexual.

I agree with you R124. I mentioned this on the thread, but especially a guy who says he has no labels on his sexuality. Who claims he is neither straight nor gay, eyes roll.

Sorry Op I don't mean to divert from the subject a bit, but I have asked this question before. What woman would sleep with a guy who had sex with other guys? The girls I know think the idea in the remotest degree is really gross. I think a girl screwing with a guy who is so called "bisexual" is either a major tramp or an extreme idiot.

by Anonymousreply 13812/24/2010

That's some real black and white you got going there, R138! Nice of you to not only define the sexuality of others for them, but also who will and won't sleep with them.

by Anonymousreply 13912/24/2010

Born after 1960 but attended a college with a male to female ratio of greater than two to one.%0D

by Anonymousreply 14012/25/2010

FYI R138, I would in a NY-minute. Bisexual men are a lot sexier than gay or straight men combined.

by Anonymousreply 14112/28/2010

He slaps people's faces randomly and viciously.

by Anonymousreply 14212/28/2010

Are these signs of a closet-case?

I asked this guy out who I swore was gay or at least bi-sexual because we were inseparable for months and months. I mean, constant staring, smiling, sweet, soft talk, etc. Then I asked him out. He imploded and he said he was straight.

Now he's homophobic not only in words but in behavior. For example, he does not want to look "gay" in pictures. If he does, he makes some gay slur. He's very stiff in them and tries to not look masculine. He tans. He works out non-stop. He's obsessed with his appearance. He took modeling pictures to show of his body and they are on his facebook. He was never like this before. He told his friends that I asked him out too and they all shunned me.

I feel I'm a horrible person because of him. Is this typical straight guy behavior? He's mean too. Is that typical closeted behavior? I need advice from knowledgable gay men with acute, fail-proof gaydar.

by Anonymousreply 14304/10/2011

Run from him like the plague, r143. Whether he's closeted or not, he's nasty and crazy. He reminds me of this.

by Anonymousreply 14404/10/2011

Tries to look masculine in pictures, sorry.

by Anonymousreply 14504/10/2011

R144, everything is calculated to not be gay with him. All the time. I'm very inexperienced, but that seems gay to me.

by Anonymousreply 14604/10/2011

r143, that guy is an class A ASSHOLE. Run run run away and never look back. Cut your contact with him. Surround yourself with healthy friends who SUPPORT you as a person. That guy has such self hate and anger issues going on. Ugh.%0D %0D Your post is a bit confusing, though. You said this guy "trys to NOT look masculine." Huh? And if he tans, works out all the time and took "modeling" pictures, that is about as GAY as it gets. The dumb douchebag doesn't understand THAT? Talk about trying too hard and protesting too much. All that "work" and people all think he sucks cock ANYWAY. LOL

by Anonymousreply 14704/10/2011

R147, tries to look masculine. I corrected it. Sorry about that anyways.

As for him, I thought so too. He said he was into women and he also said that he didn't remember me asking him out when I recently saw him again. I'm just ashamed of myself for liking such a guy. I just felt like maybe I was a world class asshole too because I did.

by Anonymousreply 14804/10/2011

When he says he's "gay for pay".

by Anonymousreply 14904/10/2011

A few thoughts from a female perspective .... 1)Has a hard time achieving/maintaining an erection during sex and is easily distracted. 2)Likes excessive amounts of lube and positions where he doesn't have to look at you, i.e., doggy style 3)Performs mechanically and frequently doesn't climax 4)Jokingly talks about men who have hit on him and how he should look them up. 5)Can only climax from oral sex if it is completely dark in the room 6)Disappears for weeks after an intimate encounter 7)Prefers a hand job over actual intercourse 8)Insists on wearing a condom even though you are on birth control and have been tested for STDs 9)Will not hold your hand in public or show any signs of affection because he is worried that "people will see." 10)Does not have any male buddies to hang out with and do guy things 11)Claims to be a private person and is paranoid about his image 12)Cannot stay in a relationship with women. Multiple divorces and/or breakups that leave the partner completely shocked because she had no idea anything was wrong. 13)Not sexually aggressive. Always wants you to take the lead and seduce him. 14)Excessive personal grooming 15)Moves to a remote location because he doesn't want to be around people 16)Secretive about what he does in his spare time 17)Obsessive about the appearance/decor of his home

I am seeing someone who exhibits all of the above and more. Initially, I thought he was playing the field with other women, but his behavior in the bedroom (and his awful track record with women)set off alarms. Several people have commented that he puts off a gay vibe and I am starting to think they are right but thought I'd post this for the experts on the Datalounge.

by Anonymousreply 15010/09/2011

Signs he is closeted:

Believes gay people should not be "obvious" about it.

Comments on eyebrow grooming.

Never flirts with women.

Says he isn't gay, but would have sex with some movie star.

Claims to have a girlfriend, but she is never around.

Confides in women.

by Anonymousreply 15210/09/2011

Claims he's "gay 4 pay"

Knows the lyrics to "Oklahoma"

Favorite film is "Showgirls"

Overly criticizes our gays, or hates gays

by Anonymousreply 15310/09/2011

Married a female foreign national but keeps separate bedrooms and schedules.

by Anonymousreply 15410/09/2011

R150 again ... He remained a virgin until his wedding night (he was in his twenties and the marriage only lasted a short time). Also, he has had few sexual female partners despite being attractive and well built. He frequently asks if I think this man or that one is gay (both famous and not famous).

He seems miserable and if he is in the closet, I would like to help him so he can be happy in life. The man is no spring chicken and life is too short to live a lie.

by Anonymousreply 15510/09/2011

R150, of course he's closeted. He's a textbook case. But if you confront him with the idea (however gently) he'll just deny it. If he hasn't accepted it on his own, he's even less likely to accept it at someone's else urging.

by Anonymousreply 15710/09/2011

R156's observation is very astute: gay men would differentiate between other men based on looks, while few straight men will (though some do for status reasons).

Now, as a STRAIGHT GUY HERE (!!) LOL for real, I'd add a few observations that gay men might not pick up on:

1. TALKS a lot about wanting women, or what he'd do to them, yet never actually does much in their presence.

2. Doesn't have girlfriends or wives (see 1 above).

3. When asked if he is gay, laughs and says "no, I'm straight" instead of punching the guy's teeth out for asking.

4. "Mancrushes" without realizing it a lot, or without similar crushes on women that straight men like (i.e., not Liza, etc.)

5. "Mandates," as in always around when single men are either dating or hunting for women. Tends to prey on men who are "clueless" about such th8ings, knowing many men will take the easy way out and call another guy to spend free time with rather than risking rejection.

6. TAKES MORE SHIT THAN OTHER MEN, in any given situation. Basically he behaves like a guy with an unrequited crush on a female he can't have. Also quick to compliment and behave in a manner that would normally bordern on hitting on someone.

The last clue is the most significant.

by Anonymousreply 15810/09/2011

r157, thank you for your observation. He should live a life that is true, not just for himself, but for the sake of those he gets involved with and their feelings. I have no desire to be involved with a closeted man in a romantic sense, but care about him as a person.

I almost forgot another clue ... he frequently has cuts or bruises, most recently it looked like someone punched him in the nose. He blamed his dog and said she bit him. The angle was such that if it was a dog bite, she would have gotten part of his eye area too. Why on earth would someone lie about that?

Also, he was a strong Christian in his younger years but is not practicing any longer. He refers to his ex gf as his "partner".

by Anonymousreply 15910/09/2011

A guy who wants to have anal sex with a woman pretty much is a mo.

by Anonymousreply 16010/09/2011

Having someone's meat in their mouth.

by Anonymousreply 16110/09/2011

R143, if he didn't remember you asking him out but he had a wild reaction to it at the time your answer is clear.


by Anonymousreply 16210/09/2011

"Having someone's meat in their mouth."

You mean like Dave's Hot and Juicy?

by Anonymousreply 16310/09/2011

Straight men have a tireless pursuit for pussy. Closeted men avoid sex with women.

by Anonymousreply 16410/09/2011

Sorry I got off-track. I just know he'll be a big ole closet case because of her.

by Anonymousreply 16610/09/2011

Sorry for hogging the thread but this insight is priceless! I initially thought this man just wasn't that into me, which is fine. I am a grown woman an realize attraction can be tricky. But he kept coming back for these awkward sexual encounters, always with tons of lube. TONS OF LUBE reapplied over and over. Very weird. No other man has ever done that. So I figured I was a booty call. He always had trouble getting it up, though we always had some sort of encounter. But then he told me that we didn't have to have sex (called it "do something") every time we were together, not that he didn't want to...blah blah. Should I flat out ask him or stop seeing him all together? I definitely don't want to have sex with him again because it just seems "off".

by Anonymousreply 16710/09/2011

Re 150 good luck to you. Yep the guy is gay totally and if he is not and I would say there is only a 20% chance he is not , from what you describe he is a person who needs help.

I am glad you are there for him and it sounds as though u have quite a journey ahead of you good luck:)

by Anonymousreply 16810/09/2011

R150 this would be a great time to say to him " it's not u it's me I just don't know if I am ready to share my 10 inch dildo with u sorry but to make it up with u I have got a spare ticket to see 'wicked this weekend want to come?'

Seriously it sounds as though u have your head screwed on properly and know what's what.It sounds to me as though u know the answer to this and it also sounds like u would be a great friend to him but only if u want too because that is one screwed up guy u are with so be careful.

by Anonymousreply 16910/09/2011

R168, how do I bring this up without driving him further into the closet? I am concerned that one day he'll just end it. He told me half the time he feels like blowing his brains out. How can I help him realize that being gay is not the problem, it is living a lie that is? It would be exhausting to carry on this charade for decades. My heart goes out to him but I must protect my feelings too and he has taken me on quite a journey with his weird behavior. Finally, I stumbled across some internet sites and then decided to go straight to the source which is a gay men anonymous site for real answers. Thanks again!

by Anonymousreply 17010/09/2011

Goes overseas or interstate a lot by himself and feels as though being overseas means he can be more himself and that Europe has such a different way of looking at things..........He is fucking an Italian fisherman's son or he is a major movie star

by Anonymousreply 17110/09/2011

He's was married once, and sweares he never will again, spends all his free time with male friends. Gets a "girlfriend"in Paris, brings her to L.A. then ignores her to be with his male friends...oh thats right..he takes her premires only, they break up, pays off in hush money. Buys a house along a Italian lake, has nothing but his male friends usually.

by Anonymousreply 17210/09/2011

R150 - run. Don't walk, run.

No matter what this guy's deal is, you can't fix it with an overabundance of lube or patience or anything else.

Anyone threatening to blow his own brains out might blow yours out too. Just get the fuck away from him.

by Anonymousreply 17310/09/2011

R173, we were friends for much longer than we have been lovers, and I feel genuine affection for him. It isn't as simple as just walking away. I agree that he is messed up. Maybe a telephone conversation is in order so he can't shoot me.

by Anonymousreply 17410/09/2011

Dried cum on his chin always madr me suspicios.

by Anonymousreply 17510/09/2011

He gets a little woody when his buddies hug him after a touchdown.

by Anonymousreply 17610/09/2011

He's married to Michele Bachmann.

He's married to Maggie Gallagher.

by Anonymousreply 17710/09/2011

R150 He definitely needs help at the very least with possible depression.I suggest he sees a doctor but if that is not a choice maybe u can speak to a helpline who can help you with some ideas.Ultimately though he needs help and he needs to get that by his own steam,because no matter how many people tell u have a problem he has to be the one who faces it.

Be careful do not let emotional blackmail drag u in to his despair.If u do want to be part of this journey make sure u are well armed emotionally and do not push the issue.

I would withdraw sexually as neither of you are getting anything from this or so it sounds and make it clear that u want him around more because of who he is not what he does in the bedroom.

Be careful whatever u do and it does sound as though needs help. Leave clues perhaps that I are ok with gay sex maybe mention gay friends or ask him what really turns him on

by Anonymousreply 17810/09/2011

He makes a lot of movies with Martin Scorcese and dates supermodels.


by Anonymousreply 17910/09/2011

Thanks r178. The sex part is done. I'm tired of the work it takes to help him get it up (and keep it up!) and the mess the excessive amount of lube makes on my nice sheets. What is up with that lube business anyway?? Never had any complaints or issues before! LOL!

I have talked about several of my gay friends, both male and female. He knows I am very gay friendly and don't judge people based on their orientation.

This man is middle aged and I worry that he will sink deeper into despair if he doesn't deal with this. Also of a concern is that he'll drag some unsuspecting woman along for the ride and mess with some man's heart and emotions in the process. What a mess. Thanks for letting me vent and for the words of wisdom.

by Anonymousreply 18010/09/2011

R150 thanks anytime. It is great he has such a loving friend like u who obviously has her head screwed on.

Why don't u have a gay friend meet him,casually just as he is going or coming ( no pun intended) and get him with more of your gay friends.At the very least they might be lifelines and it sounds as though this guy needs as many as he can.

Another thing why don't you have a movie night and watch a gay themed movie and a comedy to lighten things up. Though there are some appalling ones there are some great ones as well but pardon me for saying so it seems he is his own "brokeback mountain" without the love affair :)

Good luck again and whatever occurs just say u will be there for him but realise this is a long journey one that can be difficult and challenging,so only make that commitment if u can and understand if u can't that is ok,because this full on.


by Anonymousreply 18110/09/2011

So, the conclusion appears to be that he is in the closet. I can accept that and really think I can help him. Thanks!

by Anonymousreply 18210/09/2011

A helpful list...

by Anonymousreply 18310/09/2011

[R177] No one would actually marry Slaggie. It should be "He goes to the Old Cuntry Buffet with Maggie Gallagher."

by Anonymousreply 18410/09/2011

[quote][bold]What are the dead giveaways that a guy is closeted?[/bold]

Showing up on a gay web site for discussions related to politics, despite them be left-leaning, and doing Republican Talking Points. Much of those are from closeted, married gay guys who lead inauthentic lives because they have no self-respect.

by Anonymousreply 18510/09/2011

Partly agree with R158, but partly think it oversimplifies a little bit.

I guess I agree with 1 and 2, although for 2--what if he has a lot of sex with women, but just never progresses things to a relationship?

I'm not sure I agree with 3, in fact sometimes hostile over-reacting is as much a sign of a closet-case.

I don't know about 4, either. In the era of open bromances(silly pop culture word that that is) the lines around this are kind of blurred. If anything it seems like closeted gay guys would be more uptight and guarded about showing male affection, and gay guys generally seem to have less straight male friendships(not always true but often)

I get what you mean about point 6...although a shy or low self-esteem male could fall into this type too...

...which is kind of the point. People have said all kinds of things in this thread from 'he bakes', to 'gay-fr-pay', to 'has wallpaper', to 'late virgin', to 'is shy' but almost nothing said in this thread *in and of itself* means anything absolutely. Detecting closetcasery is more of a know when you see it thing. Detecting the difference is something you can do in person, but difficult to do with some kind of absolute checklist like this.

by Anonymousreply 18610/09/2011

R186, it might vary depending on age. Older men would probably be more uptight due to the era in which they grew up. There might be something to the late virgin comments. Straight teenagers/young adults are always on the lookout for sex with women.

In my enlightened state (thanks DL!) I think one of the clues for a woman anyway is unpredictable behavior. Straight men are usually highly predictable and not the least bit complicated, especially early on in a relationship. If there is a very attractive woman the man is "seeing" and he isn't try to sex it up on a regular, consistent basis, might be closeted or could be a man whore. There needs to be other behavior that supports this point, but even friends whose husbands/boyfriends have cheated on them say their sex life was going strong. One male friend said it was a turnout to "nail" several woman during the same time frame.

I have NEVER encountered a man who I was dating that I had to initiate sex or "help" him achieve/maintain an erection. This guy told me I made him nervous... Usually, a straight guy, before and after things get intimate, can't wait to see you again. They don't make excuses (household chores, yard work, working late, etc) to avoid you.

What about chatting via Skype with a male buddy? I think that's a bit off too...

by Anonymousreply 18710/09/2011

reply 22 applies to the likes of Derek Jeter, who I think is as gay as the day is long.

by Anonymousreply 18810/10/2011

Are you saying Cher's ex-bagel boy, Rob Camiletti, is gay? Think again, OP.

by Anonymousreply 19010/10/2011

R150 the other thing your boyfriend could be is obsessive compulsive he needs to have lots of lube needs a condom doesn't see u for a while - guilt ? Uncleaniless ect but the gay thing seems more realistic. I think u do need to talk to someone about it

by Anonymousreply 19110/10/2011

R150, have you suggested a 3-way with another guy?

by Anonymousreply 19210/10/2011

R192, I am not interested in a 3 way. In fact, I am not interested in sleeping with a closeted man, period. Only in the odds that he is indeed closeted (and it sounds like he is) and helping him deal with it so he can be happy. r191, the excessive lube thing is plain bizarre. I have never encountered another straight guy who did that ... and wasn't sure if it was something gay men used lots of when they are together. Maybe he was trying to mimic the sensation so he could get off or something.

by Anonymousreply 19310/10/2011

[quote]What are the dead giveaways that a guy is closeted?

When he has this combo:-


Talks way too much

Trying hard to sound intelligent whenever he opens his mouth

Hyper-sensitive and bitter

Constantly showing bizzare amount of affection towards girls.

Never short of a female partner/barely be seen alone.

by Anonymousreply 19410/11/2011

The closet seems like an awful amount of work. How can anyone who lives this way truly be happy?

by Anonymousreply 19510/11/2011

They can't, r195.

by Anonymousreply 19610/11/2011

other traits:-

hates his old folks

mean/cold to unattractive people

whines a lot

doesn't like third world countries/people

hates dragqueens

by Anonymousreply 19710/11/2011

Will go out on dates with women and then just disappear without explanation.

by Anonymousreply 19810/12/2011

Afraid to fart around other people

by Anonymousreply 19910/12/2011

LOL r199. Good one.

by Anonymousreply 20010/13/2011

[quote]Very handsome guy married to plain woman, especially if the guy has a prestigious (e.g., MD, atty.) job

In my experience, this is a fool-proof giveaway.

by Anonymousreply 20110/13/2011

Extreme homophobia. Talks about how he hates "fags" and "homos", then goes home---with a buddy---to watch wrestling. Constantly rambles on about "hot chicks" and "I'd do her" etc, but NEVER has a girlfriend. Has little, yappy dogs--Chihuahuas, Yorkies, Pomeranians, etc.

by Anonymousreply 20210/13/2011

I'm with r202 - watch for the guys who go on and on about hot chicks but are never seen with women. My former roommate was like that -he was supposedly all about nailing women, but he'd always come home alone. He came out years later.

by Anonymousreply 20410/13/2011

When he says he HATED rom-com/chick flick movies so much...

by Anonymousreply 20510/13/2011

He tells a woman he is "dating" that he doesn't want to have sex yet because "it needs to mean something".

by Anonymousreply 20610/14/2011

R197, that description just sounds like a mean asshole to me.

by Anonymousreply 20710/14/2011

Being closeted would probably make a person pretty mean, R207.

by Anonymousreply 20810/14/2011

Nearly all straight men watch porn, but there's no need to have a favorite porn star. There is tons of free amateur and quasi amateur straight porn on line. It's preferable if you don't like fake tits/fake tans/fake hair/bad dialogue.

by Anonymousreply 20910/14/2011

A guy who isn't nerdy who loses his virginity to a woman at a late age is a dead giveaway. Especially if he waits until his wedding night, then divorces her a few months later.

by Anonymousreply 21010/17/2011

Asked if he's gay and dances around the question, saying I don't talk about my private life... now come on, what straight does admit he's straight?

by Anonymousreply 21110/17/2011

When someone questions a person if their gay and they say, "no comment, or I don't talk about my private life." No straight person in history is afrid to admit their straight.

by Anonymousreply 21210/17/2011

What are you all looking at ME for?

by Anonymousreply 21410/17/2011

Religious freak who marries an innocent virgin at least 5 years younger.

by Anonymousreply 21510/17/2011

Wears botox before 35.

by Anonymousreply 21610/18/2011

What about being hypercritical of a woman's appearance/looks, or using that as an excuse to break off a relationship? I bring this up because Albie Manzo of RHONJ actually tweeted that he told his new girlfriend, the NY Jets cheerleader, that she needs to lose weight.

by Anonymousreply 21710/26/2011

They constantly flirt with you and beg for sex, or just blatantly cruise you and talk about nothing but dick which no straight guy does.

by Anonymousreply 21810/26/2011

Gorgeous, fit, attractive man with money who can have any woman he wants, but is married to an unattractive, fat, or plain Jane type woman. Men are highly visual, and will date the most attractive women they can get. It's sad but true. If a man can have any woman he wants, but is dating a frumpy girl, he's probably a closeted gay man who married his best friend.

by Anonymousreply 21910/26/2011

Sonny Bono, Gregg Allman and Gene Simmons all dated Cher. Are they all closeted?

by Anonymousreply 22010/26/2011

R220 Gregg Allman is straight, and not bisexual or gay at all.

Not sure about Sonny or Gene.

by Anonymousreply 22110/26/2011

If you listen to a guy and observe his behavior, that will tell you what you need to know. If a man talks about another guy finding him attractive, hitting on him, etc., he wants you to know men find him hot. Most straight guys would not repeat that to a woman. Also, if he isn't that into sex and you have to initiate, he either has a low sex drive or might not be attracted to women like that. Does he have a hard time getting/maintaining an erection through intercourse, but not with oral? Likely closeted gay. Straight guys will normally fall over themselves to sleep with an attractive woman. Does he disappear from your life for weeks at a time after an intimate encounter? If a man is just not that into you, it might not be you at all, but your gender. I would vote for asking him point blank if he is attracted to men. You might end up helping him ... and other women.

by Anonymousreply 22211/11/2011

I am pretty sure my best friend is gay, and I have fallen for him. His gives off little hints all of the time, but only to me. He looks me in the eye and I know he is attracted to me. He does everything with me, and people have commented that we are like husband and wife. He always keeps himself from losing control, but there are little slips all of the time, and just the fact that he wants another man to live with him and his wife and family? He never knew his mom, but his dad was and is a total dick, and he has made sure that everyone knows how well-endowed he is. He is an angry man, and he is extremely controlling, but he also talks about wanting to go on a road trip, just him and me. I don't know how to break through the wall that he has surrounding himself, but I love him, and I will do what it takes. He is a good man, he just doesn't know how to come to terms with who he is, and he is angry about it.

by Anonymousreply 22303/31/2013

A big clue is being photographed with Bradley Cooper.

by Anonymousreply 22404/01/2013

huh r224? Bradley is usually only photographed with women

by Anonymousreply 22504/01/2013

I dated a man for 3 years who finally admitted to being gay. It was the worst experience I have been through. Sure signs include..1.picking me apart from head to toe 2.not liking a wet vagina 3.only able to cum with oral 4. Constant break up 5. Never had long term relationship 6.Control freak 7.Constant spender 7. Man crush 8. OCD 9. Perfect hair. 10. Has no particular taste in women 11.can not commit. If your in the closest come out, or be alone...this man nearly destroyed me.

by Anonymousreply 22608/03/2013

r226 is a woman!!!!!!!! TROLLDAR TROLLDAR TROLLDAR!!!!

by Anonymousreply 22708/03/2013

What would you say about this guy? Product of an extremely religious family, though he quietly rejected religion as an adult. Got engaged to an Asian-American woman. When asked how things were between them when they first started dating, she said they felt more like best friends than passionate. He picked out her wedding dress and was very excited about it. Likewise, he chose the cake, and choreographed their elaborate wedding dance. He was a virgin when they got together. He gives off a nerdy, quietly gay vibe to a lot of us.

by Anonymousreply 22808/03/2013

Why are these men so fascinating to some? I'm a guy, no sexual attraction to women. Good looking guys catch my eye, but I've never had any kind of sex with a guy. Minimal interest in sex. Busy with work, family responsibilities. I'm at peace with that.

Don't make anyone's life harder, live and let live. Don't pretend to be into women - but more than once way-gay men seem overly interested in my personal life.

I'm not in the (water) closet, or tapping toes in airport bathrooms.

My politics and faith leave me right out of the mainstream of gay culture. I'm not an Easter Seaboard elite leftist, don't sleep with men. What tribe am I supposed to be "in"?

But I was born this way, so why the scorn and judgment? Is this the last group it's open season on? Even the categorizing as "in the closet" is archaic, harkening to long-ago English slang.

Had I the choice to have passionate sexual hunger for women, I'd go for it. My choice. Who are you to judge me, and why are you so intrigued by my private life?

Live and let live,and move along....

by Anonymousreply 22908/03/2013

My best friend (a woman) was married to a closeted gay man in Tulsa. She said they didn't consummate the marriage until four days after getting married, and that was only because she became upset. They were only married a year, I believe, but she said months would go by with no sex, and she was angry all the time dealing with that, obviously. She said he would make gay sex jokes constantly, several times a day, and was upset at the mall once, at seeing the thin male manaquins. (He was fat)

She told me, and this was the most bizarre, in my opinion, that once she had tried to touch his crotch area, and he stopped her and said that "got on his nerves."

by Anonymousreply 23008/03/2013

Don't ask me!

by Anonymousreply 23108/03/2013

If you have a crush on a guy who claims to be straight - but you have convinced yourself he is really gay RUN.

They never are.

You're deluding yourself.

by Anonymousreply 23208/03/2013

when he ROLLS his eyes and twitches his lips and then bows his head all at the same time

and COVERS his mouth when he laughs

by Anonymousreply 23308/03/2013

R229, you could be my older brother.

He is handsome, always pursued by women, was both a star athlete and star of all the musicals in high school and college, and is now career military.

I assume he is gay and closeted (we are from a very religious family).

by Anonymousreply 23408/03/2013

"I'm too busy to date and I'm married to my career. That's why I haven't had a girlfriend in years, even though I'm good looking."

by Anonymousreply 23508/03/2013

You're quite the kindred spirit, R229. Much of what you have written could've been written myself.

As I have posted exhaustively (sorry), in multiple threads, over the last several months, I have been involved in an intense non-sexual relationship (although I'm twice his age, he was calling it a bromance even in its infancy) with an amazing young married (a little over 2 years) twentysomething man. We have - as he acknowledged from the outset - great chemistry. He goes out of his way to compliment my youthful-appearing looks ("handsome", "pretty", "you could model"), while directing attention as well to his great looks. And he talks about how I "extend warmth wherever I go."

I met the wife at her insistence (my friend had previously asked if his wife could "intrude on our man date") and found her often unnecessarily combative. That was two months ago, and, even though I treated her royally, there has been no subsequent mention about her reaction to me (I have not been asked for - and I have not volunteered - my opinion), nor any invitation to reciprocate the hospitality. My friends suggest that she must hate me. I suspect the radio silence my friend has apologized about over time is related to her.

We have since see each other a couple of times. At dinner a few weeks ago, he for the first time made reference to how difficult it was to live with his wife's personality type. And he alluded to a conversation a few days earlier in which he had to "bite his tongue to stay married". He then added that, as a result, he was still married that day. I puckishly replied that the day was still young. He then said that he didn't want to do anything that day that he'd regret for the rest of his life. I don't know if he was talking about something with me, but the prospect of anything sexual between us had never been suggested. I have never even spoken of being gay (or straight). Like R229, although I form - albeit exceedingly rarely - deep emotional connections with men, the interest is not necessarily sexual. Assuming the comment was directed at us, my takeaway was that continued patience - and I have that in abundance - was in order. I had been counseled earlier that, considering how invested my friend was in his marriage (he effectively has put his career on hold to move to my state, where his wife is pursuing her career), it could take years before he could make the decision to leave his wife. And I doubt that he's the type ("I'm a man of my word" he has said to me on more than one occasion) who would have an affair (needless to say, I'm not interested in a hook-up).

We went to a baseball game this week, and again had an absolute blast together. At one point I playfully suggested that I was just one of others with whom he enjoys man dates. He seemed hurt, and asked why I would say that. One of the things he does that reveals to me how important I have become is his ability to seemingly remember everything I have said and repeat it back to me. There was no further talk, however, about any problems at home. And I think a pattern has been established that our man dates must fall on a weeknight.

I don't know if what we share is just a mutual man crush or whether my friend may indeed be closeted. I am willing to continue to let our relationship play out organically and see where it might go.

by Anonymousreply 23608/03/2013

R234 It's possible that he is homosexually attracted but celibate, focusing on other aspects of life. Is he at peace and content, or unhappy? If he's not lying to anyone, why the need to subscribe to the "closet" stereotype? He doesn't conform to movement homosexual strictures - that's not a crime. Many like us out there.

R236 That's not a friendship - if you're competing with a spouse, no matter the sex/orientation involved, you are compromising a marriage. Maybe your buddy is struggling with being honest about his emotional and sexual desires. Maybe be had a toxic relationship with his father, and he sees you as a way to heal that. Maybe both. As the older man, if you can't be an honest sounding board because you desire him, you need to be a stand-up guy. Respect him, his wife, and their marriage. If you were a woman, this would be emotional infidelity. In the 19th century the idea that spouses were meant to be each others' best friends would have been risible -women had their female confidants, men their mates. But "crossing streams" of mateship and desire is a terrible idea. Do you hang out only as a duo? Does, or would, the inclusion of others frustrate you? Friends don't "man date", generally

C. S. Lewis' "The Four Loves" speaks to this; even if the spiritual aspect is not to your liking, the dynamics he describes discussing love-as-friendship between men is pretty solid (even if it seems anachronistic in the exposition).

Do you love this friend unconditionally, want what's best for his family, or do you desire him for yourself? The latter doesn't make you a bad guy, but you have to be honest, and do right by your young friend and his wife. Don't undermine a marriage. If it does end, he'll need a friend, not someone waiting to pounce

by Anonymousreply 23708/03/2013

Thanks for your thoughtful reply, R229/237.

[quote] That's not a friendship - if you're competing with a spouse, no matter the sex/orientation involved, you are compromising a marriage.

I don't think that the orientation is irrelevant. If my friend has attraction to me, arguably his orientation is at least bi, and his marriage may thus be inherently compromised and not built for the long haul. As I suggested though, I have respected his marriage insofar as I have not (nor would I) initiated any physical contact, and will wait for my friend to take the lead. And I don't believe that would happen until he decided that his marriage was irretrievably broken. I should also note that there is yet no children. I suspect my availability would be different if I thought I could bear contributory responsibility for breaking up a family.

[quote] Friends don't "man date", generally

To be fair to my friend, it's my understanding that the twentysomething generation will innocently throw out terms like man date and bromance (whether that also includes the generous flattery I receive from my friend I do not know). Although it is also my understanding that man date and bromance "couples" are - unlike my friend and I - most always of similar ages.

by Anonymousreply 23808/03/2013

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by Anonymousreply 23908/28/2014

I suspect a coworker is either totally closeted or in a bearded marriage. He got married in his late 40's to a very attractive gal who pings my dar. They had 2 kids immiededly after marriage ,wife I was 40 when they wed.

At the company Xmas party, wife seemed withdrawn and uber thin. Her weight fluctuates . Wife has a job where she is away on business a lot. Both seem to put on an act while together And he mentions his wife constantly as she does him. Great cover

by Anonymousreply 24002/22/2015

R232, Larry Craig claims to be straight. People can lie. Are you really that dense?

by Anonymousreply 24102/22/2015

Hides gay porn well, and hides straight porn carelessly (hoping it will be found). Also, when he answers more to his sisters and mom than to his wife, then grows increasingly angry when his wife starts to ask him about being gay, then divorces wife and dates girls that look and act like his mother and sisters and becomes introverted and increasingly angry over the years. Also, "runs errands" that aren't explained to his kids and take hours to complete while his girlfriend is at work. Also goes on an extreme amount of "bicycle rides" at odd hours like 7pm. and makes friends with and grows close to every single man on his block that will let him, while virtually ignoring their wives/girlfriends. Lots more signs, but if you see something similar to this, it's time to EXIT that relationship.

by Anonymousreply 24304/22/2015

He smells like cedar and mothballs.

by Anonymousreply 24404/22/2015


by Anonymousreply 24504/22/2015

I know a goodlooking guy who married in late 40's to a woman who pings a lot. They immediedtly had 2 kids and she has a career where she travels a lot. Is this a bearding situation?

by Anonymousreply 24604/24/2015

Knows the lyrics to Oklahoma.

by Anonymousreply 24704/24/2015

I know two older men who married later in life to closeted lesbians and they are happy!!

by Anonymousreply 24810/28/2015

He's a Roman Catholic Priest

by Anonymousreply 24910/28/2015
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