What happens to narcissists when people stop paying attention?

We will let this thread die, and then you tell us.

Actually, OP, they do! There was a narcissist at my former job and he became noticeably sullen when people started ignoring him.

I'm not the OP, but I am curious. I left my NAPD boyfriend last night.

as opposed to normal people who just ADORE being shunned and ignored

Actually I hate attention. (except from friends and family) I would like to walk through life unnoticed. What is that called.

Well what about the unibomber?

I would think they don't care either way. They'll move onto someone else without a skip in their step.

R7 is right.

well, my mother (the narc) is making the rest of my family miserable with her mood in an effort that they try to guilt me into speaking to her.%0D %0D I declined on Thanksgiving today. %0D %0D she is crazy and should be happy at least 2 of her children are speaking to her.%0D %0D Dad is an enabler. Since I can remember as a child age 6/7 "make sure mom is ok". to bad he didn't think to say the same to mom "make sure the kids are fed in the morning and given lunch money."

r2 knows nothing about psychology and everything about being a mean girl.

Narcissist is a word that has become meaningless through misapplication (often by professionals). I mean we live in a country governed by a man whose primary source of income was two autobiographies and yet it is his leftist critics who are called "narcissists."%0D %0D

I'm pro-Obama, but I agree that anyone who actually wants to be the leader of the free world is clearly a narcissist.

They just find others to pay attention to them.

I agree with R11 ...... just like 'passive-aggressive'. Everyone uses the phrase for everything and no one knows what it really means.

How the hell did this turn into an Obama thread? Jeesh! R11, babe, you have issues.

"What is that called."%0D %0D being in the closet.

The early morning freeper trolls are out!

I once heard this question as "if a tree falls in a forest..."

The date me.

Just watch Lindsay Lohan in the coming years and you'll see.

They pay for the attention.

My local narcissist gets sullen, goes on a lot about his unique issues, then if you still don't play along, he makes a scene or does something dramatic or vengeful.%0D %0D It's tiring.

They move on to their next victim without a second thought of you.

What do narcissists do when people stop paying attention? They get ANGRY. Then watch out.

they create drama and chaos to make sure they stay in the spotlight.

What happens to any celebrity once they lose their fame?

The NPD lives in the constant state of being the star (in his/her own mind). They don't really need anyone else. However, even on a basic conversation level, they manage to make the most minute exchange a confirmation of their greatness. A polite "how are you" from even a sales clerk becomes a "see, they how how special I am, how smart I am, how wise I am, and since they see this I will reward them with the benefit of my all-knowing opinion because they need it in order to have a meaningful existence" experience for them.

They up the ante until they get the response desired. The best thing to do is get away from them and let them implode.

Funny, I have an acquaintance, not really a friend, who becomes sullen if no one makes her the center of attention. She is really loud and wants to be the "organizer", the funniest one and the best cook, etc. If the person she is monopolizing starts talking to someone else who happens to stroll up she will leave and go find someone else. She gets really sulky when our mutual friend tells her what a good cook I am. Narcissist?

I find it a little odd that people would mock narcissists. I find them to be truly sad people-- clearly trying to make up for a childhood of being ignored and / or mistreated.

I choose to believe the average self-absorbed asshole is just that-- a self-absorbed person with no social skills.

True narcissists are very sad and not someone you'd be likely to mock.

My guess, OP, is that you don't really understand the disorder.%0D %0D A narcissist is self involved, so much so that they do not really notice what is going on around them to a great degree- outside how they interpret their environment as a function of their own lives. In fact, you may not even really be able to identify the most narcissistic of personalities for that reason- unless you already know that person well. They are not necessarily going to get mad or sullen because they are being "ignored". And it is not as if all of a sudden anyone in their lives is "ignored". For example one cannot be on the job where working with others is a daily occurence.

Warning this is long but sums NPD up well:%0D %0D This is the the answer for most emotionally, verbally, abusive relationships, a serious personality disorder, that can not be fixed .%0D Narcissists expect and demand that the ones nearest and dearest to them, tolerate, admire, love, and cater to their needs. They expect others to be at their immediate disposal. Their behavior is obnoxious, aloof, and indifferent and are aware of this. Narcissists test the mental limits of peoples patience. Individuals in a relationship with a narcissist feel something is not "quite right," and many seek answers to the unsettling experience of day to day life with a narcissist.%0D %0D Narcissistic individuals do not tend to be physically abusive, although there are some out there that are. Their worst weapon is their mouth. With their mouth they spit verbal negations and dispense emotional abuse. Their vocal cords are their method of attempting to control others. Narcissists do not have the emotional capacity to provide support or understanding to others. There are numerous defense mechanisms which narcissists use to confuse and unbalance those around them. Organization is unknown to narcissistic individuals and they avoid future plans if it concerns pleasing another for some reason not evident to them. They do not want anyone thinking highly of them for several reasons. First, their sense of self as special, unique and deserving keeps them grounded at maintenance level in their relationships. Maintenance level is just enough, just in time to keep the folly of the relationship moving forward., but just enough and no more. To expend more energy on the relationship would cause others to feel some degree of predictability in the whole affair, contributing to the happiness of the ones they already envy for having the ability to feel love is not an activity in which narcissists wish to participate. Second, if another thinks highly of the narcissist then there are expectations which that person has that the narcissist must fulfil. The narcissist, however, does not intend to fill anyone's expectations except that of his/ her own.%0D %0D Happiness, joy, and the effort to please others is not normally undertaken by the narcissist except in the beginning or potential ending relationship. At either of these points, the narcissist may be charming, helpful, pleasing and amusing beyond imagination, but this effort is only used to obtain a new narcissistic supply source or to win back the affection of an important source if abandonment appears eminent. At all other times, the narcissist believes his/ her presence, is clearly and abundantly sufficient to maintain the loyalty, trust, affection, and respect of those which the narcissist already considers his/ her object, so the narcissist will postpone, withhold, or procrastinate the continuing efforts that are essential to maintaining any kind of meaningful relationship. A narcissistic person is unable to fake the emotion of love for another for a long period of time. This impairs the capacity for a committed relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, marital instability is prominent in those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists can perform obligations in the global areas of their lives and with strangers quite well, but with those individuals they have already captured, they find the expenditure of civil treatment taxing to their mental reserve and not really necessary. They routinely display to their captured objects their worst traits. These may include abuse of alcohol, verbal negations or other behaviors that tend to keep people at a distance and not allow any close interpersonal strength to develop. This is evident in the narcissists relationships with their wives/husbands, and children.%0D Narcissists will never accept blame for anything that happens in a relationship. They are quite ready to blame the other person involved. They expect to be the center of attention and demand their every wish be fulfilled by their partner. A relationship with a narcissist can be at times fun and invigorating. It is like a roller coaster ride, there are extreme highs and lows. The best advice for anyone involved in a relationship with a narcissist is to RUN. The relationship won't get better, also it is better to get out before the narcissist snatches away all your self esteem. Remember their worst weapon is their mouth. %0D

r11 is a troll. He/she/it constantly tries to turn threads against this beautiful man. Ignore it.

I would guess they latch onto younger guys at gyms.%0D %0D There is a guy at my gym who is 60s at best. %0D He hangs out with guys who are 25 years old.They are the closeted, discrete bisexual type guys. ALL of very high gay voices though. The older dude walks around the gym like he's hot stuff, he used to probably be attractive. But he walks very slow around the gym, like he's a stud or something. Haha. He's cute, but%0D it's odd to see them all together. %0D %0D

r30, perhaps we mock them because they have hurt us. I understand we're you're coming from -- the narcissist I know was reared by two alcoholics, one of whom committed suicide. But this person has been incredibly hurtful to me, and many other people as well.

[quote]the narcissist I know was reared by two alcoholics, one of whom committed suicide. But this person has been incredibly hurtful to me, and many other people as well.%0D %0D If this is true, I wouldn't take him or his actions against me personally. Seriously.

Sometimes I worry that I'm a narcissist. I enjoy being with people but they get on my nerves after awhile and I've cut friendships off over some pretty petty things.

R27 and R36 both describe a friend of mine. Sadly, my friend is so wrapped up in fulfilling whatever immediate impulses he has that he can't focus on his career and at age 37 is at a nearly entry level job with no chance for advancement (He actually works for a sympathetic but realistic ex-boss doing something he did more than 10 years ago again.)

Hooking up during work hours has lost him more than one job which of course he can't acknowledge. If we go out to eat and he chooses something fattening, he actually blames me! If I point out he doesn't need to eat everything on his plate, he proudly asserts he always finishes everything he eats, that's what his parents taught him to do.

How do I deal with him? I limit the amount of time we spend together. He has many other friends which he spreads his bullshit around with so that helps.

[quote]If this is true, I wouldn't take him or his actions against me personally. Seriously.

Seriously, you ought to consider how much damage such a person can do. I started typing my story, but it was boring so I hit delete. Someone quite damaged fucked up my career early on. I recovered, but I do take her actions very personally.

Sorry, make that R32 instead of R36.

And, people do get tired of his bs and stop taking his calls. He then will call anybody and everybody until he can find someone to re-affirm his value.

R39, why would you delete what proves your point? I guess. lol. %0D %0D R38, how is that me?

Ok thanks. R38.

I don't want to noticed.

r36, so you have compassion for the narcissist but not the people they victimize?

It's not like narcissist have tattoos on their heads so we all can easily spot them. Alcoholism and tragedy run in my family, too, and I don't go causing harm to people.

We each have to take care of ourselves. And if cutting off a source of pain (a narcissist) is what I need to do, then I'll do it.

Not all human beings can process such situations as cleanly as you'd like.

They move on to other people.

Im going through that right now, r39.

Can we all agree that Madonna has a textbook case of NPD?

How is it lacking compassion to tell a victim (interesting choice of words) that a narcissist's actions shouldn't be taken personally? I would think a victim would WANT to be told they did nothing to provoke such treatment from the narcissist-- in other words, it's not personal.

Amen R48. I understood R36's sentiments the same way. I pity/ignore most narcissists because they are usually operating from some deep seeded insecurities and their actions serve as a mask for fear.

I'm sorry, OP. Could you repeat the question? I'm sure it was fascinating. I received a text from Tarquin and got distracted.

Someone posted how they didn't understand why we're "mocking" narcissists.

r35 suggested that perhaps it's because we've been hurt by narcissists, but we get your point. Narcissists probably had bad childhoods.

r36 said if that's the case, then don't take narcissists personally.

r44 basically wanted to know why should we take the narcissists behavior with a grain of salt but not the victim's?

We've all had rough childhoods. Besides, I don't think anyone was really "mocking" narcissists, just venting. We're not doing anything bad here. I've seen a LOT WORSE posted on DL than this thread.

Ah, narcissists. I was raised by an NPD father and BPD mother. Escaped with my life in tact, but was attracted to both types until I got into therapy. They are very similar, but when you withdraw, the Narcissist keeps cool and maintains appearances (with snide comments), while the borderline clings and rages. To sort of answer OP's question, when you register discomfort with a situation you are in with said person, a Borderline just keeps dumping on you and a Narcissist just dumps you.

I don't understand the question.%0D %0D Namaste.

They die.

[quote]If this is true, I wouldn't take him or his actions against me personally. Seriously.%0D %0D Take it however you please, but the result is the same. If a person allows the tragedies in their life turn them into a parasite, then they have failed at life. I wish them well the next time around, but no one is obligated, and should not be encouraged, to allow the parasite to attach and suck the life out of them, whether it's "personal" or not. %0D %0D Compassion is a wonderful thing, but sometimes the most compassionate thing is to say "no more."

r24 and r25 are correct.

There are some narcissists posting on this thread.

Notice how any comment-- even well-intended and encouraging ones-- VIOLATES and VICTIMIZES them if it does not give the exact response the narcissist is seeking?

My experience has been that they lash out until they get some sort, any sort of attention.

"What happens to narcissists when people stop paying attention?"%0D %0D %0D They come to DataLounge and post lame ass stories about all the straight guy cock they're getting, and how if you aren't getting any straight guy cock you must be a total loser.

I was dating a narcissist and it was hard. They give so little but expect a lot from you. I loved him so much but it was a no win situation.

Loyal only to themselves, charming opportunists, use others others to further their obsession with power and control.

R54 = genius.

Narcissists excel at charming, manipulating, and destroying other people to further their own ends. They're especially good at attaching themselves to people they sense are vulnerable or ripe for exploitation in some way. If you're not useful to them, they'll step on your face to get to someone who is. If you're not paying attention to them you don't exist as far as they're concerned.

Narcissists make sure that doesn't happen. They are not caretakers so it's easy for them to focus on their careers which tend to feed their narcissism.

They fuck with Downtown HARDCORE.

When they go through narcissistic withdrawal I have read they can actually experience physical pain.%0D %0D A narcissist can not regulate their own ego, they need others to do it for them.%0D %0D That being said, when you realise someone you know is a narcissist - RUN.

Warning signs. Children of narcissistic mothers, celebrities, politicians

Are you saying you believe that children of narcissistic mothers are more likely to be narcissists, [R67]?%0D %0D My mother is a narcissist, but her children are not. I have a sort of fatal attraction to narcissists, though.

Studies found children of narcissistic mothers more likely to become narcissists. Their needs weren't met, resulting in emptiness, a false self, competition with their mothers.

Can someone tell me what's gonna happen to this photographer, faghag, wannabe model and fashionista when people stop paying attention?

Has anyone here from NY had him?

There is always some sucker willing to pay attention. These people are good at masquerading as normal (for a short time).

I've noticed that if you ever wise up and start to distance yourself from a narcissist, they'll do whatever they can to make it seem like they got bored with you.

Hopefully they're living off the income of a large inheritance.

A narcissist will put the PAIN on you if you just up and cut off their only source of attention. You have to wean them off of you and onto some other poor unsuspecting fool if you want a clean getaway.

>>"The NPD lives in the constant state of being the star (in his/her own mind). They don't really need anyone else. However, even on a basic conversation level, they manage to make the most minute exchange a confirmation of their greatness. A polite "how are you" from even a sales clerk becomes a "see, they how how special I am, how smart I am, how wise I am, and since they see this I will reward them with the benefit of my all-knowing opinion because they need it in order to have a meaningful existence" experience for them.">>>

I agree with this. A narcissist isn't always successful at regaining attention they've lost, and it's not true that they up the ante or get dangerous in some way. People do have the habit of feeling sorry for narcissists even when they recognize them as narcissists, so in my experience it's actually fairly rare for a narcissist to be cut off. If they don't have power over you - financial, say, or they're your primary relationship - then it often becomes sort of pathetic - people enabling them in a sort of humoring way because it's easier than tough love or cutting them off, and the narcissist accepting it. Narcissist enablers, or people with a narcissist in their lives often know how to be unavailable or elusive, too, and that's how they set up "boundaries" without "hurting" the narcissist.

If, though, a narcissist is cut off - the relationship ends or they're cast out in some way - they find another way to create a little me-centered universe where they're special in their own minds. It's all about how they narrate it in their own minds.

If they're powerful, then it probably sucks, but there are plenty of "ordinary" narcissists without a lot of power, or with diminishing ability to have power over the people in their lives, and they can actually end up sort of pitiful with everybody realizing it but them.

In my father's case, he just divorces that wife and marries the next one.

This thread is four years old. WTF is wrong with you? Why did you bump it?

DIAF R70.

[78] It showed up in the top threads and I didn't notice the date til too late. If it's been inactive since then it shouldn't have been on the top threads list.

I just saw the narcissist friend I cut off about nine months ago. First time I have run into him in three months. I said hi and kept on walking. He said hi with a very tight and angry smile. That was strange - we used to be so close.

Why do you ask? I wouldn't know.

They get angry ... and retaliate, if possible. It's best to let them dump you.

[You do realize that this is a troll, right? It does not believe what it posts. It just craves attention. You might want to stop talking to it.]

Narcissists love to play the victim. Also, there criticism of others is misdirected, it mirrors their own characteristics/failings.

Sorry, I did mean "their".

R84 your post was not substantive enough to dig up a 4-year old thread.

Your viewpoint means nothing. I enjoyed reading this thread. Choose not to view and mind your own business. Who gave you a leadership role?

I was going to write what r66 wrote, then I realized it was from 2010 and I did write that. I wonder how many hours I've spent on DL.

stfu humorless cunt at r86. I'd rather see an old thread bumped than yet another new one started on an oft-repeated topic such as narcissism.

R89, glad you said that. Sadly enough, it's possibly a timeless subject. But, it's r86's world.

Glad this was bumped just to validate the brilliant post @ R32. So accurate.

Thank you R87!