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Older Man, Younger Man Success Stories ......

More than a 30 year age difference ..... How often does this work out ? (yah, yah, I know .... as long as he can afford to pay .... ha ha) .... but seriously, do you know of a lot of success stories ? (I know there's a whole community out there, so there must be a lot of success .... right ?)%0D %0D I know of one couple where they met when the younger guy was in his early 20's and the older guy was in his 40's ..... neither is 'rich' .... and they're still together.

by Anonymousreply 12907/02/2015

Damn...I'm setting myself to be flamed, but WTF. I just met a 27 y/o man from Thailand; I am 64 and in pretty good shape for my age (Yes dears, I have all my teeth and don't need Viagra). With all that said, we both are madly in love with each other. This relationship just happened as I normally like guys my own age. Although I have more material posessions than he, he is self-sufficient and works. I am a versatile person and have many interests (Including flying as a Private Pilot which I have been doing for 40 or so years). I am not rich and he never has asked me for anything. We just enjoy each other's company. That is all.

by Anonymousreply 211/10/2010

Oh god, not THIS thread again. Deluded old geezers with boys who have daddy issues? Cliche. Done. Next. The older dudes have some money, too. It may not be the ONLY reason the kids stick around but it sure greases those wheels. %0D %0D Older men who even WANT to be with someone that much younger are a mess. No 44 year old on the planet has much in common with a 22 year old CHILD (who can't find his ass with both hands no matter how "mature" he acts. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR LIFE EXPERIENCE. NONE. ZIP. NADA.) other than you both like dick.%0D %0D ALL the older guys are lonely and don't want to be alone. Or are horny skeeves who lust after the young meat. Or get their egos stroked because the young guys say all the perfect and right things because THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE GOOD AT.%0D %0D There IS NO PARITY IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS.%0D %0D But, hey, have at it. This is all just my opinion, which is unfailingly cynical.

by Anonymousreply 311/10/2010

Ha ha! Your boyfriend is substituting you for his father's withheld affection.

by Anonymousreply 511/10/2010

r3 JUST had a breakthrough at therapy!

by Anonymousreply 611/10/2010

"This relationship just happened..."%0D %0D Righto!!! It had nothing to do with him being exceedingly poor and you having some money in your pocket.

by Anonymousreply 711/10/2010

R3 is correct - it's just his cynical opinion. 19 years difference in our ages - 25 glorious years together. Neither of us were rich, taking care of the other, or stroking egos. We met, we clicked, we fell in love almost immediately, and we have never looked back or regretted one single minute.

by Anonymousreply 811/10/2010

R8, are you the older one or the younger one?

by Anonymousreply 911/10/2010

One of my favorite gay cliches: "I'm 55 but I have such a thirst for life that people think I'm much younger, and I relate much better to guys under 30."

by Anonymousreply 1011/10/2010

There are sucess stories in Older/Younger...but there are plenty of gold-digger stories too.%0D %0D I'm 54 and a "daddy" and younger guys go for me in a big way. Sex is great, but after that I find that we have nothing in common. %0D %0D I far prefer guys in my own age group.

by Anonymousreply 1211/10/2010

I was 26, he was 40 when we met. I was 39, he was 53 when he died. We were fine despite the age difference for the first ten years or so. It was harder when I was mid 30s and he was 50ish and starting to slow down but by that time we had been together a long time and had adjusted to each other and could give each other space.

by Anonymousreply 1311/10/2010

A 22-year-old CHILD? You are the one with issues, R3. Wow.

by Anonymousreply 1411/10/2010

No, just no. There are issues people and you all know it. Even in a straight relationship a really large age difference...more than 10 years is NOT considered to be regular. Hell, in reality 7 years is considered technically to be the next generation. I am sorry but I believe anyone looking for love with a big age difference like that has underlying unaddressed issues.

by Anonymousreply 1511/10/2010

R3 is simply an angry dude with no particular expertise or experience- just an angry person's cynical take on something.%0D %0D Funny how most of the posts think the older guys are deluded geezers etc. Perhaps the younger ones are naive fools... or perhaps neither is true and it happens because like equal ages, they are attracted to each other.%0D %0D Lord knows it is common in the heterosexual world so why not the gay world? I have not and cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone 20 years or more, never mind 10 years younger, or older. But then who am I to judge. I have had a difficult enough time with those my own age. %0D %0D Whatever works to make two people happy is what works for me.

by Anonymousreply 1611/10/2010

The gay author Armsitead Maupin is in a relationship/marriage with a 20 year difference and it works for them. It's an open relationship - perhaps that helps.

by Anonymousreply 1711/10/2010

He is hot and can fuck me like he's making love to me, which he is but he cannot admit that to himself.

by Anonymousreply 1811/10/2010

R8 here - I'm the younger. I was 22 when I met him, he was 41. We just balanced each other. We were also both strong personalities. We are so different - yet our core values are so alike.

by Anonymousreply 1911/10/2010

[quote]Hell, in reality 7 years is considered technically to be the next generation.

Umm, no.

by Anonymousreply 2011/10/2010

R18 is not only dealing with a difference in ages, but a chasm in the looks department.

by Anonymousreply 2111/10/2010

Sorry, Charlie, R3 makes a valid point, albeit in a very irritating fashion.

Generally speaking, a 44 year-old involved with a 22 year-old is indeed deluding himself, as is a 64 year old involved with a 27 year-old. I've never once seen such a relationship last. The older men are far too needy and the younger men are far too curious about what else is out there.

However, once the younger party is over 30, all bets are off. A 33 year-old pairing off with a 50 or 60 year old might stand a chance, since the younger man has done some living by that point and might have a stronger handle on what he really wants from a partner.

by Anonymousreply 2211/10/2010

"There are issues people and you all know it. Even in a straight relationship a really large age difference...more than 10 years is NOT considered to be regular."%0D %0D The above smack of prejudice: what are the issues? What is "not considered regular"- who are you, Reverend Fallwell returned to earth?%0D %0D One of my best friends (51) is currently seeing a cute and bright 36 year old. I have spent weekends with them. Age almost never comes up except lightheartedly and all have fun and enjoy each other's company (I am 57)- no sign of age having any damper on their relationship at this stage. He is very successful, the younger one less so, but very self sufficient, owns a home (he lives elsewhere). %0D %0D I kind of wonder where people like R15 are coming from. How on earth do they make these judgements for other people and why?

by Anonymousreply 2311/10/2010

R22--wouldn't your point about 20-somethings being "far too curious about what is out there" apply to any of their relationships, regardless of the age of their partners? Are all marriages involving a man under 30 doomed?

by Anonymousreply 2411/10/2010

I know a 30 something who "fell in love" with a retired guy who was very macho and hung. It was the typical daddy/son relationship...daddy ran the show while the son was subservient and liked daddy's big hard dick. 5 years later daddy had a stroke. Not long after, son found a new daddy on the net with a working cock. Buh bye old, infirm daddy.

by Anonymousreply 2511/10/2010

R22, you know these things how? How old are you? I am 57 and I have not got a clue essentially how people work it out other than:%0D %0D honesty,%0D trust,%0D love, and generosity%0D %0D Attraction helps, common interests helps.%0D %0D When it works the rewards are sublime.%0D %0D Same age might be related in terms of interests and experience, but my experience and observation of successful gay, lesbian and heterosexual relationships has not support an age limitation.

by Anonymousreply 2611/10/2010

Being 58 I can honestly state the loneliness is an issue. But enjoy it while you can and move on.

by Anonymousreply 2711/10/2010

R25, you wouldn't honestly expect the younger guy to stick around under those circumstances, would you? And it's funny that you say "daddy ran the show." The reverse is almost always true in younger-older relationships. Economics and sex roles are only part of the equation.

by Anonymousreply 2811/10/2010

One of my best friends, who is 22, fell in love with this guy who is 51. I wouldn't have a problem with that except the guy lied about his age (he said he was 43 when they met), but worse, it turns out he is married and has kids and is living this kind of double life. My friend is so delusional he thinks it is going to work out ("he's really being honest now, and he is going to leave his family"). I refuse to meet the guy or to acknowledge what is going on in any way it is so repellant to me--which is causing our friendship some strain you may guess. This has been going on for the past six months.%0D

by Anonymousreply 2911/10/2010

I find it interesting that so many gay people, who have had their relationships judged forever by the wider public are so quick to pass judgment on others. Live and let live, what difference does it make to you?

by Anonymousreply 3011/10/2010

The reason people of the same age even date is a heterosexual thing, based on the technical biological requirement of breeding. Almost all women lose their fertility at 35 years of age (many are not aware of that - ask a qualified doctor, not your GP). So men want younger women by biological necessity.

With gay relationships, there is no biological need to be similar age. There is a comparable libido concern though. Having said that not all 20 year olds want to do it 3 times a day with 3 different guys.

by Anonymousreply 3111/10/2010

Who's "judging", R30?

We were asked our opinions and we're providing them. No one has condemned anyone.

Take your sanctimonious tut-tutting someplace else. The grown-ups are talking.

by Anonymousreply 3211/10/2010

"However, once the younger party is over 30, all bets are off. A 33 year-old pairing off with a 50 or 60 year old might stand a chance, since the younger man has done some living by that point and might have a stronger handle on what he really wants from a partner."

I agree with R22. A relationship with a big age difference can last if the younger party (a) has accumulated enough life experience to know who s/he is, and (b) is still in love with the older party.

Otherwise, it is almost inevitable that the younger person will change and the relationship will not survive the change.

by Anonymousreply 3311/10/2010

If the age difference is 30 years or more, they can't last long....I mean, nature does take over no matter how young the lover...

by Anonymousreply 3411/10/2010

A successful relationship means living together.

An on the side thing is not applicable to this argument.

by Anonymousreply 3511/10/2010

[quote]R25, you wouldn't honestly expect the younger guy to stick around under those circumstances, would you? %0D %0D Please tell me you do not have a partner, R28. How sad that would be for him if he ever gets sick.

by Anonymousreply 3611/10/2010

Those of you "defending" these May-December or, okay, May-DEAD, relationships are pretty tra-la-la naive and annoying. It's ALL opinion and live and let live, sure. But I know what I know. And, as Judge Judy or someone else said, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me its raining."

by Anonymousreply 3711/10/2010

I'm curious R37 - what makes you so knowledgeable? I'd be interested in knowing more about your relationship, how long, ages, etc.

by Anonymousreply 3811/10/2010

Hmm...I'd be interested to hear more opinions on this.My last relationship was with a guy twice my age, and although we had a lot fun together, the power dynamics of an older/younger relationship was a bit too much for both of us to handle.

And yes, he had a big, fat, beer can dick. Not uncut, but you can't have it all.

by Anonymousreply 3907/08/2012

[quote]The older men are far too needy and the younger men are far too curious about what else is out there.

My experience has been that the reverse is true: the needy ones are the younger guys

[quote]And it's funny that you say "daddy ran the show." The reverse is almost always true in younger-older relationships.

Also not true, in my experience. "Daddy" is the boss.

I have no studies or specific stats to back this up; just pointing out what I've seen, heard, and personally experienced. My experience may or may not be the norm.

by Anonymousreply 4007/08/2012

I'm 62 and my boyfriend of the last 4 years is 38. We get along terrifically, and really enjoy each other. The only bummer is that too many of our friends find it weird.

Do I point out to them that they're weird too? Some drink too much, some smoke too much, some are socially inappropriate, some are just plain rude, some are Aspergers like -- nope. But for some reason people think it's okay to mock older-younger relationships.

by Anonymousreply 4107/08/2012

I was in one older-younger relationship. He was 21 and I was 45. He took the initiative, since I too had my doubts about a relationship with such a disparity, and we ended up being together for 7 years until I ended it.

And no, I was not a "young-looking" 45 and no, I didn't, and don't, consider myself "young at heart," and no, I wasn't a "sugar daddy," and yes, he knew exactly what he wanted.

by Anonymousreply 4207/08/2012

R40, I think your experience is the norm. At least in my relationship, my ex used money as a passive-agressive way in which to put me down since he made more than quadruple what I made in a year and could afford to go on vacations, buy nice "toys" and whatnot. It sounds as if it's not so bad, but it really fucks up your sense of independence when someone laughs at your face at the thought of you paying for something small like dinner.

There is also the sense that the younger one should yield to the older one and I simply wasn't comfortable with that idea (well, maybe only in bed;)).

Other friends I have that are in older-younger relationships seem to manage it well (to the point where some may call it gold-digging) but I guess I just don't have that submissiveness or "malleability" that is required to be in such a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 4307/08/2012

I'm 45 and have my eye on a guy who's about thirty years younger than me. I let him hang around my house and told him if he fixes up the extra car it's his. He tends to eat me out of house and home, but I buy him the nifty clothes and video games he fancies. He has to come over to use the gadgets his folks can't afford and wouldn't understand if they saw him with them. Sometimes he just wants to talk. I have him burning cds of MY music, LOL. And when his band practices in my garage, it's not above "gramps" to get out there and lay down some licks on the old Fender. Yeah, gramps can be pretty cool when it comes to escaping the drudgery of schoolwork.

by Anonymousreply 4407/08/2012

Well, as long as it remains a "crush" I guess it's ok R44. Honestly, when I was 15 I was having "relationships" (read: lots of sex) with guys in their 40's. Of course it was wrong, but I wasn't exactly an innocent little flower at that age either.

by Anonymousreply 4507/08/2012

Oh dear somene on here thinks that itergenerational relationships cant wok!!! How small minded! "Those who want to date guys ten yearsoutof there a rangehave issues! How insular can you be and I'm sorry to burst your bubble but I have been with my partner now for over 6 years and we are now in a civil partnership and very happy. Yes you are correct in your self analysis that you are a cynical person who is blinkered and probably has issues of your own to deal with and likes to take it out on people who have happy relationships. My partner is 14 years younger than me I am fourty and he is now 25. I have staight friends who have been together 16 years and they met when he was 53 and she was 23 so whoever you are your opinion is ludicrous to say the least and bigotted and you show yourself to be a very insular narrow minded person. Its people like you that set the communiy back 50 years ad more with your medieval ideas and opinions. It takes all sorts to make a world mate its about time you learned that and stopped trying to muddy other peoples partnerships with your cynical bull crap lol. GO DEAL WITH YOUR OWN ISSUES and leave others alone!

by Anonymousreply 4607/10/2012

"22-year-old CHILD? You are the one with issues"

Actually, most 22 year olds seem like more like 16 year olds these days, so the "child" label isn't that far off the mark.

As for relationships where one person is much older than the other...I suppose some of them work out. But most of them don't, for the usual reason: the younger wants something from the older one, and it isn't love. It's money, security, a place to live, nice clothes, vacations, expensive restaurants, etc. You see celebrity couples where the guy is 20 or 30 years (or more!) older than his girlfriend or boyfriend; you think the young twink would have looked twice at his or her aging paramour if the poor old thing was just some Joe Shmoe off the street?

In my opinion, most but not all May/December relationships are doomed to fail, because they're often based on nothing more than loneliness for the older one and greed for the younger one.

by Anonymousreply 4707/10/2012

Similar age relationship are heterosexual based on the biological requirements of breeding and raising a family together. When you are talking about gay relationships, that is irrelevant. Adults do what Adults do.

by Anonymousreply 4807/10/2012

r3 is right and the deluded old dudes on here arguing against it are well... you know...

Of course there are exceptions! I'm sure there are many cases where the relationship is VERY healthy despite the age difference but those are NOT the rule when it comes to these things.

by Anonymousreply 4907/10/2012

Well, my boy and I are doing just fine!

by Anonymousreply 5007/10/2012

Christopher Isherwood and Don Bachardy did it.

by Anonymousreply 5107/10/2012

"Lord knows it is common in the heterosexual world so why not the gay world?"

No, charlie, 30 year age differences are NOT common in the straight world, unless one of them is worth mega-millions $.

by Anonymousreply 5207/10/2012

I am 30 and my partner is 50. We have been together for three years now and are still very happy. I have always been attracted to older men, and this one is absolutely perfect for me. We learn a lot from each other and it is a wonderful balance.

by Anonymousreply 5307/10/2012

I heard that half your age plus seven is the rule of thumb as far as how young your partner can be.

by Anonymousreply 5407/10/2012

r53, this thread is about old men AND young men, not about old men and slightly less older men.

by Anonymousreply 5507/10/2012

I'm 60 and my partner is 50. We've been together 25 years.

by Anonymousreply 5607/10/2012

I like being with an older man because there is much less drama and a lot more stability - emotional, financial and otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 5707/10/2012

Live and let live...Theres lots of hostility on here towards older / younger. Seriously who cares! They're both conscenting adults are they not? It is their business.

I'm 37 and a guy that has been pursuing me is 23. So far nothing has happened. It's all a bit weird - not because of the age difference but because he has never been interested in guys before. So I have been distancing myself from him, with him in hot pursuit. So I'm kind of relenting to be honest.

Having said that - the connection is strong. We have the same interests including the same career interests. There is an issue of lack of life experience, but to be honest I've dated guys my own age who sure do not have it together. And he is streaks ahead of them.

Btw, I don't go for guys a lot younger than me. Sometimes these things just happen. In actual fact I've never before been interested in a guy 5 + years younger than me until this one guy.

A straight couple I know are definitely soul mates. She is 57 and he is 29. She worries that she is keeping him from younger women. And he tells her to forget such nonsense. He wants to marry her. Why should a thrid party looking into their "world" tell them that their love is wrong?

The question people should be asking is -Is this person right for you? If they say "Yes" accept it and move on. If the relationship falls apart it is THEIR lesson to learn.

I'm sure there are things in every life that someone out there considers a judgeable offence.

by Anonymousreply 5811/18/2012

In older days, it was because young people were more positive and less cynical and negative than older people, so the older folk were drawn to them when they felt that first wintry chill of death tapping on their shoulder. Not today. Young uns are more cynical and pessimistic and the old ones seem hopelessly naive and clueless.

by Anonymousreply 5911/19/2012

I knew one successful gay couple with nearly 30 year age difference, but the old guy (now deceased) had a fortune and the younger guy (when they met) was selling sofas at Sears.

by Anonymousreply 6011/19/2012

[R59] Another gross generalisation that seems to populate these posts. There are many younger guys that are still bright eyed and optimistic. Personally it sounds more like your world-view that you are projecting onto the population at large.

In your view - ALL older people are naive and ALL younger people are pessimistic.

Seriously not all older / younger couples will work out. Not all are genuinely in love. Just like not all are suger daddies / gold diggers. Though a lot are.

The generalisations on these posts really do my head in.

by Anonymousreply 6111/19/2012

So OP was Joe Simpson?

A 20 year age difference between a 40 year old and a 60 year old is doable albeit tough since the pair is dealing with different developmental issues (middle age job goals vs late adulthood retirement and body deterioration). If it's only a 20 year age difference it's likelier to last than a 30 year and MORE difference which is what the OP asked about. Read his question. OP's saying, will a 30 year old stick with the 60 year old. For a period of time is possible but then you have the person in late adulthood dealing with issues like illness, infirmity, dementia, etc that a 40 something year old might not be willing to stick by. Same thing between a 50 year old and a 20 year old. It ain't going to be forever. Let's face facts. Unless there is cash and a will.

by Anonymousreply 6211/19/2012

I'm a man in my mid-50s who worked briefly earlier in the year with a 26-year old transplanted, married man & fellow attorney. We immediately hit it off, with him referring to our chemistry, and telling one of our colleagues that we had a bromance. Since our work relationship ended a couple of months ago, we went to a basketball game together (at his suggestion), where I thought we were largely in the friend zone (although, without any provocation, he shoulder-bumped me &, after a beer, his glazed eyes appeared to come closer to mine). But mostly it's been texts and e-mails which we've both originated (we live about an hour away from each other). When he went on vacation a couple of weeks ago, he asked me to think of him on the beach when it was snowing where we live. I responded that he could rest assured that I would be thinking of him (as if I'm not already obsessing over this wonderful man). Since I thought that this might be a little too forward (yes, I'm quite cautious when it comes to matters of the heart), & scare him away, I decided I best give him some space & wait to see if he responded on his return. I waited several days, but last Friday I got a text from him. Since we had often spoken of going to some baseball games together (although he's a huge fan of his home state team), I asked him if he wanted to take an extra ticket I had avalable for a game on Tuesday. He immediately expressed interest, but said he had to check with his wife when he got home that night. I didn't hear from him again until 2 days later, Sunday night, when he said he wanted to go if the ticket was still available. More interestingly, he apologized for the "radio silence" and said he'd talk about that when we went to the game. Since then, I've received a number of texts from him expressing how excited he is, & how much he is looking forward to tonight. I'm meeting him in a little over 2 hours. Does anyone have any thoughts on the "radio silence" he wants to talk about?

by Anonymousreply 6305/14/2013

I'm a 32 year old guy in a relationship with a 62 year old guy. We've been together for about five years and we get along great, really like each other, have lots of fun.

The worst part is all the judging: not from straight people, but from other gays. That just strikes me as so weird. Here's a group of people whom other people judge all the time, who constantly ask society to stop judging them about their homosexuality, and they're the most judgmental when it comes to agism.

by Anonymousreply 6405/14/2013

R64, a friend of mine has a similar problem. He's 34 and he's been dating a 63-year-old man for about a year. My friend's Chinese and his boyfriend is a white American. A lot of gay men from his circle as well as his boyfriend's have been very judgmental about their relationship, and many of them have even called my friend a gold digger who's only after a green card. Pretty disgusting attitudes, really.

by Anonymousreply 6505/14/2013

The background music for "Jaws" should be playing in R63's post.

by Anonymousreply 6605/14/2013

Here's to a happy ending, R63.

by Anonymousreply 6705/14/2013

R63 better keep that wallet in a zipper pocket.

by Anonymousreply 6805/14/2013

Meh, Front Runner

by Anonymousreply 6905/14/2013

R68, my young friend has more family money than I'll ever dream of having.

by Anonymousreply 7005/14/2013

Thanks R67!

by Anonymousreply 7105/14/2013

Post-game report. While the two of us, despite the gulf in our age, get along so famously and effortlessly as equals, I felt 100% the deep friendship vibe tonight. But it was good to have him compliment me on my warmth & kindness, and, when I told him that I was taunted in grade school, to hear him question if they were harassing handsome boys (earlier in the evening he had said I should be in front of the camera with my good looks). We made plans to take in more games. And his wife, who keeps hearing about me, wants to join us for a game. My friend asked if I'd be okay with her interrupting our "man date." No tears tonight, R66.

by Anonymousreply 7205/14/2013

That may be R70, but rich people will nickel and dime you to death.

by Anonymousreply 7305/15/2013

r72, he is MARRIED. Or do you not have any morals?

by Anonymousreply 7405/15/2013

R72, maybe your friend wants a 3-way?

by Anonymousreply 7505/15/2013

He's 58, I'm 46 - 12 year age difference. We met, fell instantly in love. Been together 2 years now. The sex is incredible still (3X a day).

No regrets.

by Anonymousreply 7605/15/2013

R44, if you're 45, and the guy you're preying on is "about thirty years younger" than you, he is under 18. There's a problem right there.

OP, that "one couple where they met when the younger guy was in his early 20's and the older guy was in his 40's" does not have the "more than thirty year" age difference you're asking about.

by Anonymousreply 7705/15/2013

R76, how the hell do you fall "instantly in love?" Are you simple minded?

by Anonymousreply 7805/15/2013

Oh god. Relationships are complex, and often carry overtones of other categories of relationships that are not spoken of.

Beyond the fucking, there are two lives to be lived full of changes and challenges.

Sometimes a partner is a lover, a friend, a sibling, yes and even a parent. The roles are fluid and can flip. Really lucky people find someone and navigate those things together. The rest of us make do and then judge everyone else's situations according to a limited rubric.

I had one such great partner, older than me by 21 years. It wasn't a matter of needing a daddy, although I benefitted from his maturity. We were together until he died. Since then I have had one LTR and a few subsequent lesser connections with "appropriate" age mates. None of them came even close, but I make do.

by Anonymousreply 7905/15/2013

[quote]Deluded old geezers with boys who have daddy issues? Cliche. Done. Next

Half of straight relationships include women with daddy issues and men with mommy issues, regardless of the age of the partner.

by Anonymousreply 8005/15/2013

[quote]Half of straight relationships include women with daddy issues and men with mommy issues, regardless of the age of the partner.

Does that suggest that everyone has mommy issues?

by Anonymousreply 8105/15/2013

R3 may have used caps and appears a bit pissy.

But he's correct.

Quite correct, in fact.

by Anonymousreply 8205/15/2013

No. But I don't know a lot of long term success stories in any kind of relationship, gay or straight, age similar or age disparate, married or not.

by Anonymousreply 8305/15/2013

When I was 21, I started a relationship with a 41-year old. Or, I should say, he started a relationship with me. Personally, I think it was a supremely stupid idea on both of our parts: I was too inexperienced and just coming out; I had no gay life at all: no gay friends; had never been on a date with a man; had never had sex. I basically accepted the very first opportunity I had. Everything we ever did was his idea, and I always went along with whatever he said. He knew exactly how inexperienced I was, and should have known better. I think he dopily fell in "love" with me. I doubted I was in love but said it anyway, since I didn't know what love was supposed to feel like anyway.

It lasted three strange years, by the end of which I had started to make friends my own age, wanted to go out to bars and clubs, and in general wanted to do things gay 20-somethings do, including having sex with other gay 20-somethings.

Now that I am the same age that he was when we first met, I get a bit resentful when I think about it. I look at 20 year olds as basically children, and have no more interest in serious social interactions with them than I would 10 year olds.

I suppose counter-examples exist out there, but I am wildly skeptical of May-December romance (MD and CZJ notwithstanding). I think it's a bad idea for both parties, with a healthy dose of naivete on at least one side, probably both.

by Anonymousreply 8405/15/2013

[quote]years later daddy had a stroke. Not long after, son found a new daddy on the net with a working cock. Buh bye old, infirm daddy.

This seems more a result of being male than a result of the age difference. It seems like for a lot of guys, sex is more important than the emotional bond.

by Anonymousreply 8505/15/2013

[quote]Half of straight relationships include women with daddy issues and men with mommy issues, regardless of the age of the partner.

My parents married when my Mom was 30 and my Dad was 47. I never detected any Mommy or Daddy issues between them. I what I saw was a lot of love, maturity, mutual respect and humor.

by Anonymousreply 8605/15/2013

R3 you must be tops on absolutely EVERYONE'S party list with that charming way you have about you! I imagine, based on how you present yourself in writing, that a person could spend exactly 53 seconds with you before wanting to throttle you senseless.

by Anonymousreply 8705/15/2013

I'm 42, and in love with a 32 year old. While I'm financially stable, he's loaded.

by Anonymousreply 8805/15/2013

I need a loaded hubby!

by Anonymousreply 8905/15/2013

Mine was loaded about 50% of the time. It's one of the reasons that we broke up.

by Anonymousreply 9005/17/2013

I guess it might be a bit late but, I met my boyfriend at age 18 while he was 40 so that's a 22 year age difference. I am 20 right now so were about to be 2 years soon (I didn't meet him and turn 18 the same day mind you) and although he is my first boyfriend I can gladly and proudly say that I love his older features. I remember he dyed his hair and stuff for our first date and when his greys started showing I actually found that more attractive.

As for the people saying I have a daddy complex, actually no.. Just because younger guys like older doesn't indicate a daddy complex because if that were true, i'd be bisexual and also have a mommy complex since me and my mother weren't that close. I just find older guys irresistible for some reason (especially him) since, they know what they want in life and I have to deal with less drama that comes with it. Not to mention their easier to talk to (people say I act mature for my age so that might also be why I like older guys)

But yes, almost 2 years, I met him while I lived in the states and went to PH (Philippines) for collage so were also in a long distance relationship. Not to mention (typical relationship pair I suppose) our cultural differences of me being Filipino and him being Italian American. But yes, older and young couples do work.

As for the people who say they don't, even his therapist said we already broke all the barriers and people are surprised that we're still together. Actually want to marry him but, I'm leaving him to propose lol.

by Anonymousreply 9105/30/2013

Love come in many different colors sizes and shapes and you never really realize when it will happen. I had a personal relationship with a young man and his friends and we used to see each other each day and performed our roles. The setting that we worked in ended, but we grew to be friends during that years time. Because of that we decided to stay friends. He was 19 and I was 57. To us we saw nothing wrong with this. He was very mature and the two of us could carry on meaningful discussions with each other on any topic. He said he was bisexual and I was gay. To my disappointment he was experiencing the female side of his sexuality and he went from one woman to another. When he broke up with his last girlfriend we had a discussion about what he was running form. We decided to take things slow and let nature take its course and before long the two of us were in an actual relationship with each other. That was a year ago. And yes we have our fights and disagreements but we know how to make up and forgive each other. We both love each other dearly. "For there is so much hate in the world when there is love the lord won't mind." (quoted from The Lord Won't Mind)

by Anonymousreply 9208/08/2013

I'm 19, the man I'm with is 32. I've known him for a long time, always admired him a great deal, still do- more so I believe. I think part of the reason why its been easy for us, is because of the way we treat and view our relationship.

He's a military guy, fighter (mixed martial arts), and huge history guy. We basically treat our relationship much like the Spartans did. I'd never call him my "boyfriend" nor does he call me that. If he were closer to my age, the relationship would have started out as a friendship- but because of his age, and experience, it started out as mentor/student.

I understand why those relationships lasted so long now, basically until one of them died. Neither one of us intend on marrying each other, that would be weird; but a civil union kind of thing, is more in line of what man who loved another man would do, they called them "covenants"- but men only married women, and neither one of the males in the relationship took on the role of a female in any kind of way.

I wouldn't want him to start trying to treat me like a female, and I know if he wanted a female, he could go get one lol.

by Anonymousreply 9312/30/2013

Would it be a bad idea to get involved with a guy who is 25 years older than me? He looks good for his age.

by Anonymousreply 9412/30/2013

Does anyone think or have proof that Ted Bundy was into much younger people?

by Anonymousreply 9512/30/2013

go for it R94

by Anonymousreply 9612/30/2013

The success is based on the elder's bank account....

by Anonymousreply 9712/31/2013

R76 thinks he's having sex three times a day, 21 times a week. Should someone tell him that masturbating isn't sex?

by Anonymousreply 9812/31/2013

Im a 51 yo man in great shape and I met a then 24 yo and fell in love. Although at first I received many negative remarks from friends and family. As time went by they saw how happy the both of us were and most not all accepted us unconditionally. We have been together over three years and have done so much together. Where this will lead I dont care Im living for now and enjoying life with him tremendously.

by Anonymousreply 9903/20/2014

[all posts by childish idiot removed]

by Anonymousreply 10003/20/2014

I guess there are May/December relationships that work out. That goes for heterosexuals, too. You'll hear some people swear up and down that their marriage/relationship with their much older (or much younger) partner is heaven on earth; they get along great, they have a lot in common, the sex is fantastic. I tend to believe that such claims are exaggerated, but hey, whatever works for you.

But I think most relationships of this sort come down to this: sex for the older one, money and security for the younger one.

by Anonymousreply 10103/20/2014

my story is kind of a strange one since all my adult life I have been drawn to younger men. I think it has somthing to do with my parents dieing when I was 18 and I really never have grown up in ways. Im 52 now, throughout my adult life I have never had a ltr. I had a bad experience in my early 20s with a guy that gave me crabs and was verbally abusive, my one and only ever almost relationship that lasted 2 months. I have never since experienced any. I have had encounters with younger men (oral), usually 18-25 or so, and all my friends are younger too. I consider myself gay, but have never had anal intercourse, top or bottem or female. So yes I am a virgin on both sides of the fence. So here I am pretty much messed up older guy that has given up on ever finding love. And then friends of my sister and I move in one house over from us on the same block. Didnt think there would be a problem..They have a 20 year old son (tom) that is a computer nerd geek shy, introvert, total loner, as am I. Well tom smokes pot and it so happens so do I. Needless to say we became pot smoking buddies. Hanging out in each others rooms, smoking, watching tv. Tom plays those online magic games alot when I go over his house. Which his parent were always pushing us together since he didnt have any friends. It became a daily thing with us getting together for about 6 months. But one day tom was playing around with my little dog kinda rough and I told him not too, and he kept doing it so I grabed him at the knee and squoze hard and said to stop and he refuses. I squeeze harder and up a little higher on his leg and say im going to keep squeezing until you stop, well he smiles and keeps doing it, so up his leg I go (he is sitting on my bed while im doing this). Im up to his balls by the time he finally gives in. We kinda laugh it off. But the next time im over his house in his room, he pushes me on his bed and mounts me, all along grinding his boner into my ass. Explaining this is a mma move, after he does this to me, he askes if I want to do it again and I say yes. So this goes on for a while. Tom knows im gay and he says he is straight but, I have busted him doing and saying some strange things that has me totally confused. So anyway the next time I go to toms house he tells me he isnt sleeping well and I ask what is stuck in your head that is causing you not to sleep and he looks at me and says YOU..You get stuck in my head..with a frustrating voice..I am blown away and dont know what to say so I kinda brush it off. But later I end up mounting him in my mma move I told him I had learned. Well this freaks him out or somthing and he changes his tune and gets all defensive and pissy so I leave. To say the least, Its kinda cooled off since that happend. Being the lonely old gay guy next door, I accidentally fell in love with tom over the course of a year that this all went down. He said and did so may sweet things for me. Cleaning mud off my shoes or putting a band aid on a cut finger. Looking into my eyes deeply. Things I have never experienced with a man. I busted him checking my butt and crotch out. He is so shy and my hands are kinda tied since I am freinds with his parents. I guess this one ends happy in the movies or a parallel universe.

by Anonymousreply 10204/16/2014

I am in a relationship with a man in his 30s. I am in my 50s. We click. Physically, spiritually, sexually. We have similar views of the world, similar pastimes, similar passions. He finishes my thoughts, my sentences. I finish his thoughts, his sentences. It doesn't matter what anyone says, how cynical and negative they may be, while it lasts our hearts and minds are as one. We compete one another. I can only hope others may feel so fulfilled at some point in their lives.

by Anonymousreply 10308/31/2014

Why are people so disapproving, sneering and judgy of a relationship with a big age difference? It's none of your business. Relationships are hard no matter what.

There's no reason to slam age differences any more than relationships with racial, education or income differences. If you don't like them don't get into them and don't hang with those who are in them.

by Anonymousreply 10408/31/2014

You know, after reading through many of these posts it just proves that nobody knows everything and everybody knows something!

If you love someone, you accommodate the differences and embrace the similarities. Give and take, and that's not a euphism!

by Anonymousreply 10509/06/2014

*euphemism

by Anonymousreply 10609/06/2014

I have a question for all these sugar daddies - do you really think your 30 something year old partner is going to stick around to change your depends when you are in your 70's? No, they'll dump your old wrinkly asses and move on to someone else. Sorry gramps, but you are just deluding yourself.

by Anonymousreply 10709/06/2014

He's mid-20s, 35-year age gap: So far so good. It's interesting that the highly judgmental comments made by gay people here try to hold other gay couples to the ‘till death do us part’ standards of an idealized 1950s straight marriage. We’re just a couple. I look my age, work a blue-collar job, drive a 10-year old truck. If he’s a gold-digger he’s dumber than a sack of hammers. We’ve learned that gay people are generally snide and so we avoid them. It’s hypocritical of many gays that they demand total public acceptance of every aspect of their stereotypical lifestyles (hello Gay Pride Parade) while denying the same to others. One day at a time, we’re very happy together.

by Anonymousreply 10809/13/2014

R 108, I'm happy for you

by Anonymousreply 10909/13/2014

What's love gotta do with it? A relationship works in many different ways not just love. Even hate.

I rather think how a relationship works depends on what the surrounding society expects and supports.

If it is one where romantic love is the ideal basis for a relationship I suspect a generational gap would be difficult. Where marriages are arranged to ensure stability, it might be easier in such a society.

by Anonymousreply 11009/13/2014

I got to say Ive been in a dating mode with a 18 year old and im 52 for 4 months, however I keep telling him Im far to old for him but he wont listen. Ive read the other posts and I agree the chances of this turning into a real relationship is pretty much not going to happen.I love the fact he says all the right things but at the end of the day he hasn't experienced life. I will eventually break it off, He knows I enjoy his company (and not just the sex) but I think he wants a long term relationship which Im hesitate to get into.I am honest with him on how I feel and my head rules my heart. An example of the age gap is when he txts me Ive got to ask him what he means..haha, but in the meantime we,ll enjoy each others company..

by Anonymousreply 11110/29/2014

[quote]I keep telling him Im far to old for him but he wont listen.

He should. You ARE far too old for him.

by Anonymousreply 11210/29/2014

Well, my story is interesting. I have been seeing this guy for the past 10 months. He is 24 years old. I'm 58 years old. I met him at my gym because we would see each other for years and became great friends because I would lift with his friends. When we first met, we instantly clicked. We had everything in common from sports to school to lifting to movies, music...you name it. I love his outlook on life and how carefree he is. He is so brilliant and intellectual for only being 24 years old. He is an old soul and I was (am) so in love with him.

Then we decided to take things further and start a relationship. And, the relationship has been truly amazing. The best I have ever had. He truly is an amazing lover for only being 24 years old. However, I have a secret: he doesn't really know I'm 58.

He asked me my age when we first met 6 years ago and I told him to guess my age. He said 27. I said he guessed right and couldn't believe he got it right! From there on, things have been blissful.

He's changed his whole life for me. He came out for me. He came out to his conservative family and all of his friends for me. That was an incredibly self-less and noble of him.

I've met his family and had dinner with them many, many times. His parents are lovely, wonderful people.

We celebrated each others birthdays this year and he believes I am now 32.

I've reconciled this secret that I'm keeping from him and I feel that whatever he doesn't know, won't hurt him. But, I hope to spend the rest of my life with him. God forbid anything happens, I am actually 58, but that's my plan. He is the one.

by Anonymousreply 11310/29/2014

The only "success story" is when the old timer kicks the bucket and the boy toy inherits millions. There, said it.

The young ones who fuck poor older guys have mental issues.

by Anonymousreply 11410/29/2014

Count me among the younger guys who used to be into older who eventually wised up and moved on. I realized a few things. Men who are in their 40's and 50's and single are in their 40's and 50's and single for a good goddamn reason. Sorry, but it's true. Either they can't keep it in their pants or just still haven't made the transition from sex to love that's come with gay progress in the last few years.

I had one May/December relationship with an amazing man, and when that ended (because of an age and experience gap) I tried to repeat it too many times unsuccessfully before I realized that that amazing and wonderful man was an outlier. He's one in a million as a human being and we're still great friends.

I also realized that my attraction to older man was nothing more than a fetish brought on by my own absent father, too much "hot daddy porn," and my emotional immaturity. Their attraction to me was, for the most part, based on my youth and sex appeal and little else.

I'm now in a great relationship with a wonderful man MY OWN AGE (30), and it's great to be able to meet someone at the exact same space in life I am. We can go to concerts together, have fun, take trips, and just BE YOUNG together. It is really wonderful and I'm so glad I'm getting to spend this time with another youngish guy and not spending my last few years of youth playing "boy" to yet another damaged old man whose life has already passed him by.

by Anonymousreply 11510/29/2014

A wonderful older neighbor once said to me, " what ever flosts your boat". This month we will be together 18 years. As he says thats about equal to 60 straight years! He had just turned 26 when we met and I was 46. If there is anyone thing that bothers me the most is that while I could "retire" and travel I would miss him too much. It is his career that matters most to me as I have had mine. Financially we hope that he will retire a bit early so that we can enjoy extended vacations together while I am still able. For both of us we know that some day it will be my turn to leave and he will be alone at an age that a new mate is difficult to find. He has a wonderful fabulous personality and not a day goes by that we do not laugh and truly mean it when we say, "i love you". We can finish each others sentences, think the sqme thoughts, and delight in the quiet moments as we sit on our porch each morning with a cup of coffee before our work day begins. We can also fight but one of us always says, " Im sorry". For we really do not like to be mad at each other. He loves todays music and I love broadway show tunes. He is up to date on the latest in tv and I prefer a good book, he can play games on his Ipad and I prefer to read up on finance and news, he is into fashion and knows all the latest while I prefer my old, old jeans, we both love our old home, he keeps it the envy of our friends and I love the repairs or remolding we agree on. The garden is his forte but he will listen to me and put a new planting where I may suggest. I love to cook he does not and he keeps our home spic and span ( that means clean to you young guys) and he tolerates my papers and books and has learned to leave them be. Finally we have had and continue to have joint checking and savings. While I pay the bills and do the investing ( he does have his own 401k) I make sure he has the passwords and an email from me whenever an investment is made or just to let him know how we are doing. It was not always roses. We like all couples have had difficult learning times. If you put your ego aside and keep the good in the forefront, listen and communicate and most of all be willing to learn and forgive, love and respect will win the day. Believe it or not it gets easier each year.

by Anonymousreply 11612/17/2014

Well I'm in my early twenty and my partner is in is late thirties. We are in a health 8 month monogamous relationship. It not a perfect relationship and we both know that, but it's a healthy one. We both respect and understand each other.

by Anonymousreply 11701/28/2015

my best friend, 44 moved in a freshman college student, 22 , (heck it might be the OP) whom i met and hes quite attractive. my bestie told me he's a sweetheart too. i havent heard from him in ten days. guess that means i need a new friend right. im pretty sure they are canoodling ps. should i text my friend and ask him, how they are doing, or just leave them alone. i recently got him a new job, so he doesnt need anything from me. advice please

by Anonymousreply 11801/28/2015

Christ!.What a bunch of negative comments, on younger/older relationships....whats with the gay community on this? i NEVER see these 'cat calls' on older-younger hetro sites....most of these comments seem to be from (lonely) bitter old QUEENS

by Anonymousreply 11903/14/2015

Sondheim and Whatsisname: 50 year difference and they seem to be enjoying each other.

by Anonymousreply 12003/14/2015

those of you in these relationships and it is working. Please share the keys to success.

by Anonymousreply 12105/04/2015

Renowned 1940's dinnerware and housewares designer Russel Wright, His wife Mary died and Russel barely got her buried before taking in a heavy hung 19 year old landscaper as his new life partner. Despite the 30 year age difference, Russel and young Joe lived together and were lovers for the next dozen years. They remained close until Russell died.

by Anonymousreply 12205/06/2015

I frankly don't think you can have a satisfying sexual relationship with a much older partner. I know I couldn't.

by Anonymousreply 12305/06/2015

"I'm 58 years old.....We celebrated each others birthdays this year and he believes I am now 32."

What a sweet story. Has he taught you Braille yet?

by Anonymousreply 12405/06/2015

I'm 61 and my boyfriend is 21...we live each other deeply and discussed a relationship status in detail before proceeding with being a couple and we'll marry soon...it's a winderful gift

by Anonymousreply 12506/07/2015

R125 Interesting. I'm 62 and was just introduced to a 22-year old. It's clear we want different things (he wants my money to be able to afford to go to school; I want his companionship and help); it will be interesting to see what develops and how much each of us is willing to put up with. I have to admit I feel creepy when I suggest anything sexual -- mostly because I know I would have been grossed out being intimate with someone my age when I was 22. I hate the idea of someone having do anything sexual (or even kissing) when they don't really want to. Which is also why I'd never consider hiring an escort.

by Anonymousreply 12606/07/2015

I'm 42, he's 59. Been together 10 years and so far age hasn't been a major issue.

by Anonymousreply 12706/07/2015

I'm 24 and he is 48. It was meant to be a one night stand but now we've been seeing each other for 4 months. He has a partner for 9 years and in an open relationship. Both of them were seeing other guys, but he said that he usually don't see them ever again. But he kept on seeing me, and I really like seeing him too. Now, I really really like him. He is such a kind, happy and smart guy. He's a foreigner which makes it more weirder in the public eyes. I have never been with a foreigner before and I am a bit worried of what will people think. I have a work and he doesn't. It's not about the money. The sex is great. What I appreciate about him is that he gives me little things and no one has ever done that to me. I know we can't be together, but why will he still continue seeing me? He finds me beautiful but there are lots of beautiful guys around he can hook up with, whenever he wants. He even invited me to see his new built house in an island. I have no idea where this is going. Please advise.

by Anonymousreply 12807/02/2015

Get some self-respect.

[quote] I have no idea where this is going

You already know where this going.

[quote] I know we can't be together

It's not going anywhere !!!

by Anonymousreply 12907/02/2015
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