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Let''s pretend we''re a Norman Lear sitcom.

I'll be the black person.

by Floridareply 31403/11/2015

I'm the bleeding-heart Liberal.

by Floridareply 104/14/2010

I'll be the special guest star who teaches the supporting actress about feminism.

by Floridareply 204/14/2010

I'll be the pancake makeup the actors slap on their faces with spatulas.

by Floridareply 304/14/2010

I am the husband's old army buddy. Two months ago I was the police officer and in three weeks I will be the door to door salesman.

by Floridareply 404/14/2010

I'll be the British housekeeper.

by Floridareply 504/14/2010

I am the frayed upholstery on the arms of the easy chair, which indicates that the family that owns me is lazy and poor.

by Floridareply 604/14/2010

I am nipples, defiantly poking at a kelly-green turtleneck.

by Floridareply 704/14/2010

I am Valerie Bertinelli's can't-look-away camel toe.

by Floridareply 804/14/2010

I am the "male chauvinist pig."

by Floridareply 904/14/2010

I am Maude's floor length vest.

by Floridareply 1004/14/2010

I'M REALLY, REALLY [bold]LOUD![/bold]

by Floridareply 1104/14/2010

I'm the set lighting, so stark and bright I make you squint.

by Floridareply 1204/14/2010

I'm James Evans's "if then" constructs, inserted at least once per episode:

"Can't tell me a country that can put a man on the moon can't stop dope trafficking!"

by Floridareply 1304/14/2010

I'm the annoying bossy opinionated mother shouting at her bratty willful daughter. I'm based on his soon-to-be-divorced wife Frances.

by Floridareply 1404/14/2010

I'm Baby Joey! Little do I know my obnoxious, "Me Generation" parents will split up before I am even old enough for nursery school!

by Floridareply 1504/14/2010

I'm the hapless child wearing a turtleneck and love beads.

by Floridareply 1604/14/2010

I'm one of the two people you get trapped in an elevator with. You think we're very different, but you'll soon discover-- as we deliver a baby together-- how very, very alike we are on the inside.

by Floridareply 1704/14/2010

I'm the spic that talks like Speedy Gonzales.

by Floridareply 1804/14/2010

I'm the incredibly masculine male homosexual character that goes completely against stereotype.

by Floridareply 1904/14/2010

Im the racially progressive punchline that was meant to be controversial. But nobody really cared.

by Floridareply 2004/14/2010

I'm a miltown, downed with scotch. Hilarity ensues.

by Floridareply 2104/14/2010

[quote]I am nipples, defiantly poking at a kelly-green turtleneck.

Im Janet Jackson's taped down breast, that will be exposed to the masses two decades later. Have we met?

by Floridareply 2204/14/2010

I'm the nagging sensation that I'm watching an evening of one-acts at the community theatre rather than a multi-million dollar network sitcom.

by Floridareply 2304/14/2010

I'm Burt Mustin

by Floridareply 2404/14/2010

I'm the catchy theme song that has a couple of odd and slightly muffled lyrics. Everyone can hum me but no one can quite sing me.

by Floridareply 2504/14/2010


by Floridareply 2604/14/2010

I'm James Evans's crotch.

by Floridareply 2704/14/2010

I'm the Findlay's wet bar, which constantly needs to be re-stocked.

by Floridareply 2804/14/2010

I am Jean Stapleton's troublingly high hairline, not well disguised by her Toni home perm.

by Floridareply 2904/14/2010

I am the murmur of shock that ripples through the studio audience at the revelation of a serious plot development.

The actors actually had to tape the scene three times but I was dubbed into the final take when the audience was no longer surprised.

by Floridareply 3004/14/2010

Damn! Damn! Damn!

by Floridareply 3104/14/2010

I'm Maude, telling you to go fuck yourself six ways to Sunday.

by Floridareply 3204/14/2010

I'm Alderman Davis. Why am I so involved with the Evans family? Don't I have any other constituents?

by Floridareply 3304/14/2010

I'm Maude's aborted fetus.

by Floridareply 3404/14/2010

I'm Adrienne Barbeau's huge tits bouncing underneath a skin-tight shirt, which is the only reason any straight man ever watched Maude.

by Floridareply 3504/14/2010

I'm the audience's suspension of belief that a creature like Adrienne Barbeau could have fell out of Bea Arthur's vagina.

by Floridareply 3604/14/2010

I am a shelf full of Emmys. Suck it, haytuhs!

by Floridareply 3704/14/2010

I'm Marcy Carsey.

by Floridareply 3804/14/2010

I'm the carpet painted onto the Bunkers' floor in lieu of a real carpet.

by Floridareply 3904/14/2010

I'm the kitten in the logo during the closing credits.

by Floridareply 4004/14/2010

I'm the announcer who says, "This program was videotaped before a live studio audience".

by Floridareply 4104/14/2010

I'm the closing title music, which is just as catchy as the theme song.

by Floridareply 4204/14/2010

I am the syllable "Jawjj." I emerge in a raspy shout every three seconds from Isabel Sanford's lips.

by Floridareply 4304/14/2010

We're the gay actor playing straight and the straight actor playing gay who would later find success in ABC daytime.

by Floridareply 4404/14/2010

I am a large advertising firm in Indianapolis. I will hire a former housewife and mother of two teenagers with no previous relevant work experience as an account executive.

by Floridareply 4504/14/2010

I'm Allan Melvin

by Floridareply 4604/14/2010

I am an excited member of the stdio audience, loudly urging Ja'Net DuBois's character to slap another character.

by Floridareply 4704/14/2010

I'm Vincent Gardenia, who played three different roles on All in the Family--Frank Lorenzo, Jim Bowman (the guy who sold his house to the Jeffersons), and the guy married to Rue McClanahan's character who wanted to swap mates with the Bunkers.

by Floridareply 4804/14/2010

I'm the killer fag.

by Floridareply 4904/14/2010

I'm Ann Romano's sense of outrage, followed by a shrieking "DAMMIT!" addressed to whoever is pissing her off.

by Floridareply 5004/14/2010

I'm janeane garofalo watching at home.

by Floridareply 5104/14/2010

I'm the 1990's-current day television. So vapid a Norman Lear sitcom would flop hard today.

by Floridareply 5204/14/2010

I'm the swastika on Archie Bunker's door.

by Floridareply 5304/14/2010

I'm the spinoff of a spinoff of a spinoff of a spinoff.

by Floridareply 5404/14/2010

I'm the American flag covering the swastika on Archie Bunker's door.

by Floridareply 5504/14/2010

I'm the carrot-orange bowl cut.

by Floridareply 5604/14/2010

I'm Nanette Fabray and Conrad Bain. We pretty much suck ass.

by Floridareply 5704/14/2010

I am Barbara Cooper's just for show birth control pills.

by Floridareply 5804/14/2010

I am Maude's just for show aborted fetus.

by Floridareply 5904/14/2010

I'm the exterior of the Bunker house in the opening credits which in no way matches the interior.

by Floridareply 6004/14/2010

Damn, you beat me to it, R34.

Oh well, I guess I'm just a recycled plot line.

by Floridareply 6104/14/2010

I am the red long underwear that enhances Jimmie Walker's emaciated body.

by Floridareply 6204/14/2010

I'm Henry Jefferson, who mysteriously disappears after Sherman Hemsley becomes available.

by Floridareply 6304/14/2010

He didn't mysteriously disappear, R63.

There was an entire episode devoted to Henry leaving and George first appearing.

by Floridareply 6404/14/2010

R40, get your 70s sitcoms right.

by Floridareply 6504/14/2010

I'm the overenthusiastic audience who will applaud wildly even when Edith Bunker recites an old chant about somebody having a cold in their chest, as if she's a Special Olympian who needs encouragement.

by Floridareply 6604/14/2010

I'm the word "honky," baffling generations of kids born later than 1973.

by Floridareply 6704/14/2010

I'm the rapist who appears just when you think you're going to get a light-hearted episode about Edith's 50th birthday.

by Floridareply 6804/14/2010

I'm "Relevance" being forced to the back of the bus to make room for "Cheap Laughs" on GOOD TIMES.

When I go I'm taking Amos and Rolle with me.

by Floridareply 6904/14/2010

I'm the audience laughing when it isn't meant to be a funny moment.

by Floridareply 7004/14/2010

I'm the neighbor that lives downstairs and eats dog food to survive.

And if you're lucky, I just might cook you a meatloaf!

by Floridareply 7104/14/2010

I'm Penny's mother, finding a novel new way to use a hot iron.

by Floridareply 7204/14/2010

The "strangers in an elevator" episode of AITF is playing on TV Land right now.

Roscoe Lee Browne, Eileen Brennan and Hector Elizondo.

by Floridareply 7304/14/2010

I'm the kids in the same family that have NO family resemblance to each other.

by Floridareply 7404/14/2010

I'm a corpse.

by Floridareply 7504/14/2010

Im the original Lionel. CBS made sure no one ever found out why I was fired.

by Floridareply 7604/14/2010

I'm a fish-eyed fool.

by Floridareply 7704/14/2010

I'm the powder blue and neon plaid of the mens' three-piece polyester suits as well as the eggplant and kelly green of the womens' wool sweaters.

by Floridareply 7804/14/2010

I am Michael Evans' big round ass. Many mid 70s boys can't keep their eyes off of me, but they are not sure why....yet.

by Floridareply 7904/14/2010

I am Thelma Evan's young cleavage. The boy's who are looking at my owner's brother's big twat can not understand why their friends drool over me.

by Floridareply 8004/14/2010

I am the tesseract between the Mother Cabrini Projects in Chicago, where the Evans family lives, and Tuckahoe, NY, where Florida Evans works.

by Floridareply 8104/14/2010

I'm the twinkly old person who teaches the characters that you're never too old for sex, while the audience applauds.

"There may be snow on the roof, but believe me, there's still fire in the furnace!"

by Floridareply 8204/14/2010

I'm Danielle Brisebois, who will make no one forget Mike, Gloria and baby Joey

by Floridareply 8304/14/2010

I'm a black actress. If Norman Lear needs me to be older than I am, he puts me in a bad powdered wig and has me tussle with Fred Sanford.

Then I will appear on either "The Jeffersons" or "Good Times" as my real age.

by Floridareply 8404/14/2010

I am the actors, standing still as the audience applauds me away to a commercial.

by Floridareply 8504/14/2010

I'm Pablo!

by Floridareply 8604/14/2010

For you, r79.

by Floridareply 8704/14/2010

Mike Evans, the first and third Lionel Jefferson, was *not* fired from The Jeffersons, he left to co-create/producer Good Times.

by Floridareply 8804/14/2010

I'm John-Paul Lavoisier who got to ride John Amos' big fat cock for 2 years. P.S. I still miss him.

by Floridareply 8904/14/2010

I'm a comedic flush.

by Floridareply 9004/14/2010

I'm the forgotten Norman Lear sitcom.

by Floridareply 9104/14/2010

I'm the waxy yellow build-up on Mary Hartman's kitchen floor.

by Floridareply 9204/14/2010

I'm the very special episode.

by Floridareply 9304/14/2010

I'm the audience member shouting "Right on!" at something racially profound uttered by Florida Evans.

Or Willona Woods.

by Floridareply 9404/14/2010

I'm the worn spot on the carpet behind the sofa. I'm here because the lead character is constantly RUNNING, running, running, back and forth, from the door to the kitchen.

by Floridareply 9504/15/2010

we're the colors brown, beige and orange.

by Floridareply 9604/15/2010

I'm the second Lionel Jefferson. In no way did I resemble the original recipe Lionel, and nothing was mentioned about the difference (on the show.)

by Floridareply 9704/15/2010

I'm a mo, hanging out in the Canadian woods

by Floridareply 9804/15/2010

I'm Florence Johnston's sassy put-downs.

by Floridareply 9904/15/2010

I'm the killer fag.

by Floridareply 10004/15/2010

I'm Marla Gibbs' eyeballs rolling in her head.

by Floridareply 10104/15/2010

I'm Weezie's tits yearning to escape her one-piece swim suit in Hawaii.

by Floridareply 10204/15/2010

I am the sassy next door neighboor who rushes in without knocking and drops a few zingers and witty double entendres while I am rushing out the door.

by Floridareply 10304/15/2010

I am Micheal Evan's package

by Floridareply 10404/15/2010

I'm the recurring scene where George walks on Mr. Bentley's back.

by Floridareply 10504/15/2010

I am the little fat kid on Good Times who is supposed to be trying to fight Michael. I can't suppress my grin and the need to giggle while trying to look bad!

by Floridareply 10604/15/2010

I'm Sherman Hemsley's agape mouth while staring unabashedly at Mike Evans' package.

by Floridareply 10704/15/2010

I'm the DEE-Luxe apartment in the sky.

by Floridareply 10804/15/2010

I'm leaving for a film career.

by Floridareply 10904/15/2010

I'm the deluxe apartment in the sky that doesn't look any nicer than a run of the mill apartment.

by Floridareply 11004/15/2010

I am Allen Melvin playing a cop in one episode than Barney Hefner in many others.

by Floridareply 11104/15/2010

I'm the huge round of applause the audience errupts into whenever a favorite character enters the room.

by Floridareply 11204/15/2010

I'm the bubbling sexual chemistry between Carroll O'Connor and Anne Meara in Archie Bunker's Place.

by Floridareply 11304/15/2010

I'm the can of cling peaches.

by Floridareply 11404/15/2010

I'm the inevitable black doctor and female nurse who treat Archie whenever he needs emergency medical care.

by Floridareply 11504/15/2010

I'm Gloria LeRoy's tits.

by Floridareply 11604/15/2010

I'm the hot baked chocolate cake in the face of Edith's attempted rapist, the late actor David Dukes, and I am greeted with--surprise!--wild applause by the audience.

by Floridareply 11704/15/2010

I'm Archie Bunker, an uneducated loading dock foreman who supports four people solely on my paycheck. I'm thoughtless, stupid, crude, rude, cheap, ignorant, a liar, a thief, a forger, and a right wing bigot. But I love my dingbat wife and little goil and am myself very, very loveable.

by Floridareply 11804/15/2010

I'm the staircases and hallways that lead to nowhere.

by Floridareply 11904/15/2010

Im the view outside the patio of the DEEluxed apartment. Im blurry and disappointing.

by Floridareply 12004/15/2010

I'm Roxie Roker, looking smashing in my faux-Halston gown and natural hair.

by Floridareply 12104/15/2010

I'm the gay male viewer who wouldn't have put up a fight had David Dukes circa 1977 broke into my home and tried to rape me.

by Floridareply 12204/15/2010

I'm Rue McClanahan answering the door wearing only Saran Wrap.

by Floridareply 12304/15/2010

I'm the three chimed doorbell at The Jefferson's apartment that I wish I had growing up.

by Floridareply 12404/15/2010

I'm Marcia Rodd, who played Carol in the AITF Maude pilot and who was passed over for the seris role in favor of a tittier, less butch Adrienne Barbeau.

by Floridareply 12504/15/2010

WEHT Marcia Rodd?

by Floridareply 12604/15/2010

I love this thread! Someone start an MTM sitcom thread, too.

by Floridareply 12704/15/2010

I am Mother Jefferson's grey wig.

I wish she would dip me in her Bloody Mary!

by Floridareply 12804/15/2010

I'm the 'Very Special episode" that "parental guidance is strongly suggested" for.

by Floridareply 12904/15/2010

I am the type of cheesy sitcom based on having a supernatural being in the house that had a huge vogue on the 60s and is now out of favor to make room for the Lear sitcoms.

I will be back in vogue in the 80s, though, as a show on syndicated channel.

by Floridareply 13004/15/2010

I'm the re-recording of the AITF theme song, so people would realize that the words were: "Gee, our old LASALLE ran great..."

by Floridareply 13104/15/2010

I'm the bottle of perm solution for Shelly Fabares.

by Floridareply 13204/15/2010

I'm all the hot guys who fell in love with Julie Cooper, a batshit crazy girl who resembles a cadaver.

by Floridareply 13304/15/2010

[quote]I'm the bottle of perm solution for Shelly Fabares.

I'm her aunt on the same show.

by Floridareply 13404/15/2010

I'm the canned laughter, on standby, in case the audience doesn't get the joke or laugh loud enough.

by Floridareply 13504/15/2010

I'm the chair Mother Jefferson threw on the kitchen floor when she pretended to fall.

by Floridareply 13604/15/2010

I'm Edith's slipper.

by Floridareply 13704/15/2010

OH and if someone starts a thread on MTM I have dibs on being the 'M' hanging in Mary's apartment. Someone else can be Rhoda's headscarfs.

by Floridareply 13804/15/2010

Im the well used liquor decanter sitting near the door of the balcony of the DEEluxed apartment.

by Floridareply 13904/15/2010

I'm a barfly played by Doris Roberts. (And my daughter was ... The Rose.)

I grew into my 60 yr old face at age 16 and I've been cashing in ever since.

by Floridareply 14004/15/2010

I'm George Jefferson's weekly use of the word "honky".

by Floridareply 14104/15/2010

I'm the growing asphalt outside the Evans' tenement building. Don't you think it all looks hand-me-down?

by Floridareply 14204/15/2010

I'm Norman Lear's hat.

by Floridareply 14304/15/2010

I'm batshit crazy spendthrift Frances Lear in a DVF wrap dress, watching uncomfortably from the wings while soon-to-be ex Norman turns stories from our real life together into episodes of Maude, One Day At A Time, and others.

by Floridareply 14404/16/2010

I'm the catchy theme song. Many young viewers assume that I'm actually sung by the cast members themselves.

by Floridareply 14504/22/2010

I'll be the fight that four of them have, which results in a climax of all of them screaming over each other until either the credits roll or a voice of reason (usually a 12 year old kid) puts the kabosh on them.

by Floridareply 14605/03/2010

I'm Elizabeth in heaven, getting tired of Fred saying he's coming to me.

by Floridareply 14705/03/2010

I'm the cotton/poly zip-up-the-front dresses that made Jean Stapleton look at least ten years older than she really was.

by Floridareply 14802/26/2013

I'm Mildred "Boom Boom" Turner, and these are my breasts.

by Floridareply 14902/26/2013

I'm the old Jewish writer who learned my trade during the pioneering 1950s and wish I was still alive now to write today's sitcoms.

by Floridareply 15002/26/2013

I am Reverend Fletcher...Felcher...whatever.

by Floridareply 15102/26/2013

I am the line that I started to say once, had to stop for audience applause and then started again.

by Floridareply 15202/26/2013

I am the shocking ending of an episode where a Jewish guy gets carbombed in front of the house. There is no closing applause.

But the good news is that the dead Jewish guy gets reincarnated instantly on another Lear show as a Puerto Rican (his real heritage) almost instantly- and this time, he owns a goat!

by Floridareply 15302/26/2013

I am the pre-closing credits sequence with the little blips you can see as the frame slightly moves at the end of an episode each time a different producer credit is shown.

by Floridareply 15402/26/2013

I'm the tentative but earnest applause which builds and builds when an episode ends in silence after a dramatic cliffhanger or a series finale.

by Floridareply 15502/26/2013

I'm the medicine cabinet in the Bunkers' bathroom, and I contain Gloria's Midol for her rather unpleasant moods during "that time of the month", and her "birth patrol pills", Edith's HRT pills from her "groinacologist", the Lavoris for when Archie gives CPR to a female impersonator, and the Kaopectate ("on your left if you're sitting down, on your right, if you're standing up").

by Floridareply 15602/26/2013

[quote] I'm the medicine cabinet in the Bunkers' bathroom, and I contain Gloria's Midol for her rather unpleasant moods during "that time of the month", and her "birth patrol pills", Edith's HRT pills from her "groinacologist", the Lavoris for when Archie gives CPR to a female impersonator, and the Kaopectate ("on your left if you're sitting down, on your right, if you're standing up").

Hilarious! Thanks for that.

by Floridareply 15702/26/2013

I'm the yucky feeling you get when you look at Bill Macy and picture him performing naked in OH! CALCUTTA!

by Floridareply 15802/26/2013

I'm the ashes of Mrs. Naugatuck's deceased husband, and through Maude's clumsiness and stupidity, my urn broke and I was scattered all over the rug, and ultimately ended up in a vacuum cleaner bag. An old gag, but admit it: you laughed.

by Floridareply 15902/26/2013

I'm Eve Arden, relishing the chance to (for once) not be playing a lovable wisecracker and instead getting to play a real cunt!

by Floridareply 16002/26/2013

I'm Christmas. I consist of lame presents, ugly trees, half-hearted meals and some kind of downer of a storyline.

by Floridareply 16102/26/2013

I'm the plaid wool jacket worn by the men which indicates I work a blue-collar job.

by Floridareply 16202/26/2013

I'm the iron, set on the polyester setting and steaming away, just waiting for Penny to come home.

by Floridareply 16302/26/2013

I'm the opening credits which were filmed with a special blurry lens.

by Floridareply 16402/26/2013

I'm Ann Romano's houseplant, smashed to the floor in a hissy fit by Glenn Scarpelli.

Vengeance is mine, and Bonnie Franklin shall repay.

by Floridareply 16502/26/2013

I am the ceramic elephant on Edith Bunker's end table.

by Floridareply 16602/26/2013

I'm the sickening "SPLAT!" when Donnie Hathaway flings himself from an Essex House window onto the pavement of Central Park South dozens of floors below.

by Floridareply 16702/26/2013

I'm Lamont's bulge

by Floridareply 16802/26/2013

I am a simple tape recorder. I will foil the most elaborate schemes of Penny's mother.

by Floridareply 16902/26/2013

I'm the insult "jive turkey". The insult "honkey" and I have lived together in a long term relationship, in a remodeled three bdrm colonial for many years and have adopted the insult "sucka". We run a catering business together.

by Floridareply 17002/26/2013

I'm Willona Woods. I live in Cabrini-Green, one of the sketchiest public-housing complexes in the United States, yet I have a great job at an upscale boutique and a wardrobe that would put Diana Ross in [italic]Mahogany[/italic] to shame.

by Floridareply 17102/26/2013

I'm the half-eaten Swanson TV-dinner, threatening to re-appear during the closeups of reptilian J.J. Evans sucking face with yet another out-of-his-league hottie.

by Floridareply 17202/26/2013

I'm the white character making the occasional appearance on "Good Times" or "Sanford & Son", which means I'm either dorky, clueless, insensitive, or all of the above.

by Floridareply 17302/26/2013

"I am a simple tape recorder. I will foil the most elaborate schemes of Penny's mother."

And I'm the "Got it ALL on tape!!" comment shouted by an audience member after you've made your presence known.

by Floridareply 17402/26/2013

I'm the helicopter swooping over the 59th street bridge, signifying that All In The Family is dead and only Archie Bunkers Place remains.

by Floridareply 17502/26/2013

I'm Michael Stivic's right forefinger, exhausted from being repeatedly jabbed in a downward motion during an argument about affirmative action.

by Floridareply 17602/26/2013

I am black Jesus. Why shouldn't I be black? It is the 70's.

by Floridareply 17702/26/2013

I'm the dog that George Jefferson was looking after and when he threw my ball over the balcony and I leapt over the rail to catch it. Wild applause and laughter somehow met my really rather gruesome death

by Floridareply 17802/26/2013

[quote] we're the colors brown, beige and orange.

Get back to the Bob Newhart Show where you belong.

by Floridareply 17902/26/2013

Bob Newhart was the apex of the brown-beige-orange television epoch.

by Floridareply 18002/26/2013

I am mad that I used to have top billing but was forced to relinquish it when that no necked woman wanted back in...

by Floridareply 18102/26/2013

I am the Chuck Cunningham of Good Times.

by Floridareply 18202/26/2013

I am Ned the wino of Cabrini Greens. I was the source of many a joke about my alcoholism. However, I live a double life when I am not drunk! I sometimes appear as a black lawyer or other professional to Fred Sanford.

by Floridareply 18302/26/2013

I am the ever-present dead tree outside the Bunker's stairwell window which signifies how bleak their impoverished existence really is.

by Floridareply 18402/26/2013

I'm the audience member who starts tittering when JJ yells, "Mama, I've been shot!!!" but then stop when I realize it was supposed to be a dramatic moment.

by Floridareply 18502/26/2013

Im the person born after 1980 who has NO idea what anything in this thread means.

by Floridareply 18602/26/2013

I'm Fred's gf Donna. I'm also the mother of a nasty gang member in Chicago who shoots JJ.

But sometimes, I wear an Aunt Jemima turban and wander around Virginia befriending poor white folk with big families.

by Floridareply 18702/26/2013

R186 apparently has never watched a minute of TV Land in the past ten years.

by Floridareply 18802/26/2013

I'm the copper lobster-shaped jello mold hanging in the Bunker's kitchen that looks a lot like a penis.

by Floridareply 18902/26/2013

I'm the brunette wig that Gloria bought at Crestler's. Meathead wanted me to wear it while we had sex so he could feel like he was with a different girl without cheating on his wife....."What a sicko!"

by Floridareply 19002/26/2013

I'm Edith's slipper. I am sitting innocently under the bed for Archie to break down over and deliver a speech that reveals Edith's death and leaves us all bawling.

by Floridareply 19102/26/2013

I'm God and Maude is right. I am gonna get all of you for this

by Floridareply 19202/26/2013

I am what was taken off of Magic Mike's pecker.

by Floridareply 19302/26/2013

God at r192? Black Jesus here, don't worry, I got this. I do have some questions for you though..

by Floridareply 19402/26/2013

I am the New Pink Tiger, home base of drag headliner Beverly LaSalle.

by Floridareply 19502/26/2013

I'm Gloria's hippie girlfriends who sang "If Communism comes a-knockin' at your door.. don't answer it!"

by Floridareply 19602/26/2013

I'm the READERS' DIGEST. Edith quoted me like I was the holy writ.

by Floridareply 19702/26/2013

I am Irene Lorenzo's sister, the Sister, who apparently only wears her habit when it's time for the audience to get a laugh.

by Floridareply 19802/26/2013

I am what Willis was talkin' about.

by Floridareply 19902/26/2013

I'm Cousin Liz's tea service.

by Floridareply 20002/26/2013

Nope, I've been busy fucking & texting.

by Floridareply 20102/26/2013

I am the little kid that has no relationship to George Jefferson (or Fred Sanford) but will be foisted on them for the weekend. Our relationship will be adversarial at first but by Sunday we will be sharing an ice cream soda and laughing like old friends despite our age/socio economic differences.

by Floridareply 20202/26/2013

I'm the CB radio Schneider uses to track Julie down after she runs away with boyfriend Chuck.

by Floridareply 20302/26/2013

r201 texting? Oh to be young and edgy like you! How cool of you! Wait till texting is obsolete and you sound dated even though you aren't trying, like we are. Why are you even here? Move it along, toots..

by Floridareply 20402/26/2013

R204, Don't be bitter you fossil.

by Floridareply 20502/26/2013

I'm necrophilia. How the hell did i get missed out? He included every other freakin taboo

by Floridareply 20602/26/2013

I'm Gloria Bunker's silly curly 'do.

by Floridareply 20702/26/2013

Oh r203, nice to meet you! I am the cb that MIchael uses to meet a wheelchair bound girl with the handle "fun girl". We should get together!

by Floridareply 20802/26/2013

R204 on any given night:

by Floridareply 20902/26/2013

I'm the swinging butler door!

by Floridareply 21002/26/2013

I am Glenn Scarpelli's first wet dream.

by Floridareply 21102/26/2013

I am the mysterious "trip" of the 70's. I am not a drug trip. I am a trip taken by an actor to a faraway land that results in either death or remarriage. Either way, after taking me, a character is never seen again.

by Floridareply 21202/26/2013

I am Ann Romano's unused bra.

by Floridareply 21302/26/2013

I'm David Kane, holding a scared Ann Romano.

by Floridareply 21402/26/2013

Oh, the dirty and torn underwear I've seen...not to mention the hairy seventies bushes...

by Floridareply 21502/26/2013

I'm the pregnancy test in Maude's wastebasket in the bathroom. I'm covered in piss.

by Floridareply 21602/26/2013

I'm a wig that was set with rollers.

by Floridareply 21702/26/2013

I am a white rag tied around someone's head to indicate a toothache.

by Floridareply 21802/26/2013

I'm the "Good Times" audience, talking back to the actors as they are filming a scene.

by Floridareply 21902/26/2013

I'm the false but inevitable adultery accusation that is made when J.J. paints a married woman in the nude.

by Floridareply 22002/27/2013

I'm Lola Falana, I'm the biggest star in the universe, apparently.

by Floridareply 22102/27/2013

I'm the member of the studio audience who is coughing.

I'm so sorry.

by Floridareply 22202/27/2013

I'm the slamming door.

by Floridareply 22302/27/2013

I'm Stretch Cunningham. My jokes are about as funny as strep throat, but Archie always laughs at them.

by Floridareply 22403/01/2013

I'm the front door to Ann Romano's apartment, and she really should have changed my locks when she moved in. Not too smart that she lives here with her two teenage daughters, and a preverted creep like Schneider has a pass key.

by Floridareply 22503/01/2013

I'm Lena Horne and I call r221 on her claim.

by Floridareply 22603/01/2013

I'm Mackenzie Phillips, tasting her first freebase (and fathers weiner) but vowing "it's just this one time"

by Floridareply 22703/01/2013

I'm Mother Jefferson's bloody mary.

by Floridareply 22803/01/2013

I'm Sybil Ghooly, the cheker down at "Foy-guson's Market". I was frequently mentioned, but didn't actually appear on-camera 'til around the fifth season, and when I finally did, I was just as obnoxious as Archie always described me as being.

by Floridareply 22903/01/2013

I am the poor baby girl Julie Cooper left behind.

by Floridareply 23003/01/2013

I'm the moral point driven home with a sledge hammer. The audience loudly applauds and goes, "Whoo! Whoo!"

by Floridareply 23103/02/2013

I'm the four lead characters, inevitably getting into a big fight where we all scream incoherently over one another.

by Floridareply 23203/02/2013

I'm Lady Godiva, a freedom rider

by Floridareply 23303/02/2013

I'm the sound of the toilet flushing.

by Floridareply 23403/02/2013

I'm Michael Stivic's bad wig.

I'm Gloria Stivic's clerk in a department store work clothes: mini-dresses and shiny three inch platform shoes that are more suitable for a hooker.

by Floridareply 23503/02/2013


by Floridareply 23606/11/2014

I'm Rue McClanahan's strangely peach-shaped bosoms, cowering in fear at the thought of being man-handled by Conrad Bain. Peaches bruise, ya know!

Later, I'm the upstage entrance to Maude's "study/den" which reveals one long flat wall about three feet in and, often, yet another garish "modern" painting. Sometimes I'm paneled in wood, sometimes I'm bright turquoise. I'm lonely because only Walter sometimes visits me, and, then, usually not for very long.

by Floridareply 23706/11/2014

I'm the butt stink emanating from Archie's armchair.

by Floridareply 23806/11/2014

I'm Edith Bunker. I used to be a charming character actress in Broadway's biggest hit musicals but now I am just a one note high pitched dowdy queens' housewife who is so annoying that if Archie were remotely close to reality he would have slapped me continuously and very hard from when we first got married.

by Floridareply 23906/11/2014

I'm the bitter second rate comedian screaming "DY-NO-MITE!"

by Floridareply 24006/11/2014

I'm future DL faves Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Holland Taylor, and David Hyde Pierce, all of whom starred in Lear's short-lived early-nineties sitcom "The Powers That Be." Our show is over the heads of most of the American TV-viewing public, hence the cancellation.

by Floridareply 24106/11/2014

I'm the 13 year old boy sitting in front of the TV being strangely attracted to Michael Stivic.

by Floridareply 24206/11/2014

I'm Gary Coleman. I look three years old but I make blatantly sexually suggestive comments to Penny, who herself is in love with J.J. and wants him sexually despite the fact that she's a child and he's an adult. It's the 70s!

by Floridareply 24306/11/2014

I'm the sweetened laugh track which erupts over nonfunny lines like Edith's: "The other day I mistakenly reached for the room freshener when I meant to grab the aerosol deodorant."

or when Edith calls everyone into dinner and Archie makes faces at the food or Michael or both.

or when Gloria screws up her face and warbles, "DADDDEEEE!"

or when Maude slams the front door or when Florence enters the room or when Florida puts JJ in his place

you get the idea


by Floridareply 24406/11/2014


by Floridareply 24506/11/2014

I'm black people talking like Borscht Belt comedians.

by Floridareply 24606/11/2014

I'm the burned cake Edith throws in her would-be rapist's face.

by Floridareply 24706/11/2014

I am, "God will get you for that, WALL-tah."

and, then, subsequently his response of...


by Floridareply 24806/12/2014

I'm the watercolor on Maude's wall that all the midcentury vintage queens still oooh and aah over today.

by Floridareply 24906/12/2014

I'm the annoying child who came to live with Archie and Edith after Mike and Gloria left.

by Floridareply 25006/12/2014

I'm the gay bar that Arthur Harmon protests.....but you just know he's going back at 2 am to get himself some trade.

One comment about Arthur's apricot scarf and his legs are ON THE CEILING!

by Floridareply 25106/12/2014

I'm the steam iron set on 'cotton' and headed straight for you, Penny!!!!

by Floridareply 25206/12/2014

I am R47, standing again in a rerun in the audience to say SLAP HER, WILLONA!

by Floridareply 25306/13/2014

I'm the Lear empire funding People For the American Way who remain oddly silent through both GW Bush's terms in office.

by Floridareply 25406/13/2014

I'm the blip in the space-time continuum that occurs in the opening credits of Maude right after the ride out to Tuckahoe stops at the door of one house and just before Bea Arthur greets us with a smile as she opens a different door to a different house.

by Floridareply 25506/14/2014

I'm someone coughing in the live studio audience.

by Floridareply 25606/14/2014

I'm the extremely liberal oh so earnest white folks who try to convince the black family that they are just like them and they love them, by using terms like jive and other timely black dialect and jargon.

sorry for this long sentence

by Floridareply 25706/14/2014

I live in the same building as the Jeffersons with my white husband and my son, Lenny Kravitz.

by Floridareply 25806/14/2014

I'm the writer trying to think up funny names for characters, like Rev'rund Felcher, Sybil Gooley and others.

by Floridareply 25906/14/2014

r264, I love you!

by Floridareply 26006/14/2014

I'm the cheap looking sets team freshly graduated from high school.

I'm the TIRESOME theme song and opening credits which never CHANGED!

I'm the overly loud applause track.

I'm Mike Stivic's big crotch, fascinating gay guys back then. also both Lionel's cute asses.

I'm the writer drumming up topical social issues to stretch over a plot.

I'm the Emmy that Gloria shared with Rhoda. I should have been Rhoda's and only Rhoda's!

by Floridareply 26106/14/2014

I'm the spinoff series.

by Floridareply 26206/14/2014

I'm the badly recorded audience applauding at the end of the show.

by Floridareply 26306/14/2014

I am Archie and Edith's clearer enunciation of the lyric, "Gee, our old LaSalle ran great" in the re-taping of the opening song, presumably in response to the bafflement of viewers who had no idea what the couple were saying in the first version.

by Floridareply 26406/15/2014

R274 Most of us still needed our parents to explain what a "La Salle" was to us.

by Floridareply 26506/15/2014

I'm the boom microphone. Peekaboo!

by Floridareply 26606/16/2014

I'm the Cabrini Green projects and I'm every bit as scary as I look from the opening credits.

by Floridareply 26706/16/2014

I'm the piece of flooring left behind by the tap dancing girl who flees in tears after Archie barks at her when the house is full of crashers hoping to meet Sammy Davis Jr..

by Floridareply 26806/22/2014

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Floridareply 26906/22/2014

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Floridareply 27006/22/2014

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Floridareply 27106/22/2014

[quote]I'm the Jeffersons' "dee-luxe apartment in the sky," which is actually in quite a shitty building located in a so-so neighborhood in real life.


by Floridareply 27206/23/2014

OU, OU, I'm the fluffer in the lead actors trailer.

by Floridareply 27306/25/2014

I'm Bernadette Peters as the harpy who tempted both Mike "Meathead" Stivic and Walter Findlay--in the same year, no less! So hide yo' husbands when I come to town!

by Floridareply 27406/25/2014

I"m the imaginary rope that Archie uses to hang himself, the imaginary Cyanide he takes, and the imaginary gun he uses to play Russian Roulette, every time that Edith tells one of her long, annoying stories.

by Floridareply 27508/14/2014

I'm the bitch fit Tootie pitched to get Mrs. Garrett to take her to see Jermaine Jackson.

by Floridareply 27608/14/2014

I'm Barney Hefner's wife. My name is said to be Mabel in an early season episode, but later on when I actually appeared on-camera, my name was Blanche.

by Floridareply 27708/14/2014

I'm a 12-year-old Ricky Schroder taking off his shirt while talking to a gorilla.

by Floridareply 27808/14/2014

I'm Irene Lorenzo, and I disappeared without explanation partway through the fifth or sixth season, just like my husband had done a couple of seasons earlier.

by Floridareply 27908/14/2014

I'm Bud Yorkin. Why do none of you ever mention ME at any of the where are they now specials or DVD supplements? I was just as important to these shows' success as Baldy McGolfhat was. But after we parted company, I and I alone made [italic]What's Happening!![/italic] and got the one thing he never had and never, ever will: a hit on ABC.

by Floridareply 28008/28/2014

I'm the burnt brownies that Edith threw at her attempted rapist.

I was more than happy to do my share.

by Floridareply 28108/28/2014

We're The Coca-Cola Company, shelling out $485 million so we can own the rights to these shows, break up Embassy and merge the TV division into Columbia Pictures Television while selling the movie and home video divisions and making out like bandits when we sell all our entertainment holdings to Sony. It's the beginning of media consolidation, but for us at least it's a minor distraction from the New Coke debacle.

by Floridareply 28208/28/2014

I'm Sally-the-Manatee-Struthers.

by Floridareply 28308/29/2014

I'm the iron Penny's mother used on her.

by Floridareply 28408/29/2014

I'm the cheap, clingy T-shirt David Duke wore when he tried to rape Edith Bunker.

by Floridareply 28508/29/2014

I'm George Jefferson's mother. I love my Bloody Marys, almost as much as I dislike my daughter-in-law, Weezie.

by Floridareply 28610/16/2014

We're the Saturday morning cartoon versions of our shows that never got made. That's more of a Garry Marshall sort of thing.

by Floridareply 28703/10/2015

[quote]I'm the Lear empire funding People For the American Way who remain oddly silent through both GW Bush's terms in office.

Even now, I just issue statements and don't really fight for things.

Maybe it is cultural. Maybe I think other people should fight my battles (despite the tax breaks I get from having a foundation).

by Floridareply 28803/10/2015

I am production values, raped, raped, raped by cheap video tape.

by Floridareply 28903/11/2015

I am in the audience of that Christmas Good Times when Penny realizing her billfold has been stolen shoplifts a necklace for Wilona's present.

by Floridareply 29003/11/2015

I'm curly-haired cop Sergeant Dennis Foley, leering at Mary Hartman.

by Floridareply 29103/11/2015
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