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"Being a mom is the hardest job in the world"

When did this become gospel?

First of all, your taking care of your own child, your blood. Teachers have 30-40 other people's kids to deal with most of the day.

If you're a stay at home mom, then there is a husband out there financing you.

Try being an emergency room nurse and get back to me.

Also, my mom HAD A JOB, she didn't consider raising me and my brother a "job". She was just a mom who tried as hard as she could.

PS, its a choice. No one comes in and says "you have to raise this child". It is a choice as long as abortion is legal and birth control is readily available.

by Anonymousreply 16502/18/2013

"First of all, your taking care of your own child"

Oh shit I'll beat the grammar trolls to it.

by Anonymousreply 103/31/2010

I love my nephews but find other people's kids annoying. However, I will admit that being a parent, not just a mom, is a lot of damn work! I don't know how my sister does it. I love her boys but I could never do what she does.

by Anonymousreply 203/31/2010

[quote]Oh shit I'll beat the grammar trolls to it.


Oh [italic]dear.[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 303/31/2010

I love you R3.

by Anonymousreply 403/31/2010

This thread will end well.

OP, someone has to raise children. Clearly if your momma decided to work, and then also give you less attention, well your visit to Datalounge will work out quite well for you!

by Anonymousreply 503/31/2010

[quote]OP, someone has to raise children.

That's not the question. Up for debate is whether it merits the Congressional Medal of Honor.

by Anonymousreply 603/31/2010

Not sure if being a mother is the hardest job, but it's one of the most draining.

by Anonymousreply 703/31/2010

Being a mom is the ONLY job I know of where you NEVER EVER EVER get a good night's sleep. You never get to catch up. You always sleep when the baby sleeps, which is on a 3 hour rotation. I'm a gay man, and I have nothing but respect for the requirements of a stay at home mom. Especially since the vast majority of their husbands think exactly like the OP does. Sorry OP, I disagree with you. But keep going, it's a potentially fun thread.

by Anonymousreply 803/31/2010

Memo to r7. Mothering isn't a job.

by Anonymousreply 903/31/2010

I would agree that it is draining. Also, it's not exactly a job you can quite, or transfer out of, and there's the till-death-do-you-part emotional intensity of it.

by Anonymousreply 1003/31/2010

Some of you don't understand selflessness and sacrifice, which is what parenting is all about.

by Anonymousreply 1103/31/2010

Gay man here, but sometimes the knee jerk desire to minimize anything hetero is just ridiculous. Of course being a mother is the hardest job in the world. You work all day, worry all night, get no sleep, and then if you are lucky your kid becomes a teenager and hates you for a few years. There is no pay, no day off, you can never just say "I don't want to do this today". And then there is the matter of more than one kid, and the feeding and the bathing, and homework, and all that. I guess if you have tons of money and have fulltime help it is a different story.

by Anonymousreply 1203/31/2010

I agree with R12 although I'm sure someone reading his post is getting ready to respond with FRAU! or MARY!

It is a hard job though, which is why I don't have kids... I may one day but I know I couldn't deal now.

by Anonymousreply 1303/31/2010

It takes a Village.

by Anonymousreply 1403/31/2010

What is the moron at r3 talking about?

by Anonymousreply 1503/31/2010

I didn't think that moms went around saying it's the "hardest job in the world", I thought they tell each other it's the "most important job in the world".

That's actually more annoying.

by Anonymousreply 1603/31/2010

[quote]Some of you don't understand selflessness and sacrifice

Unfortunately, there are lots of women that are mothers that don't understand (or practice) it either.

by Anonymousreply 1703/31/2010

[quote]Some of you don't understand selflessness and sacrifice, which is what parenting is all about.

However we do understand that it's not about one-upsmanship as to who is the biggest martyr.

by Anonymousreply 1803/31/2010

I think most stay at home moms, if they're being totally honest, will say that they have a sweet deal. Working moms do have it tough, though. I wouldn't want to do it.

by Anonymousreply 1903/31/2010

"Being a mom is the ONLY job I know of where you NEVER EVER EVER get a good night's sleep."

SO DON'T DO IT. It is a choice and I'm not going to suddenly grant you saint status.

by Anonymousreply 2003/31/2010

R15, the OP said "First of all, your taking care of your own child."

they incorrectly spelled you're.

then they said the grammar trolls would descend.

get it know?

by Anonymousreply 2103/31/2010

To answer OP's actual question:

"When did this become gospel?"

I think that it's often been said throughout time as a response to people like the OP who seek to belittle the job of parenting.

by Anonymousreply 2203/31/2010

R20, are there moms in your midst that seem to demand sainthood status? Let's get down to the real issue, which is clearly yours.

by Anonymousreply 2303/31/2010

Umm, r21, dear?? I got that. However, r3 implied that 'grammar' from r1's post, was spelled incorrectly. It wasn't. Question is do you get it?

by Anonymousreply 2403/31/2010

Being a FATHER is the most difficult job in the world. You work all day supporting everyone. Then, with the world full of "The View" type bitches saying that a man, even after an eight hour day, has to come home and do half the parenting, play with the kids, give them baths, read them stories, gets up to feed them, gets no sleep. The mom at least gets a break when the husband comes home. When dos the man ever get a break? I, a man, would KILL to have a "job" caring for a child I love and not worrying about money. Sharing the emotional and physical responsibilities when my partner's home from work. It is, BY FAR, if a job at all, the CUSHIEST imaginable. By the way, at least say "being a GOOD mother".

by Anonymousreply 2503/31/2010

[quote]Some of you don't understand selflessness and sacrifice, which is what parenting is all about.

Oh, Annie! Sarah Jane doesn't know what she's saying! She'll come back to you!

by Anonymousreply 2603/31/2010

R24, R3 implied that the issue OP needed to worry about was the spelling of THERE...not the spelling of GRAMMAR...dumb fuck.

by Anonymousreply 2703/31/2010

[quote] get it know?

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 2803/31/2010

What's wrong with the spelling of "there"?

by Anonymousreply 2903/31/2010

Owe deer.

by Anonymousreply 3003/31/2010

"First of all, your taking care of your own child"

therein was the spelling error.

by Anonymousreply 3103/31/2010

It's grammar not grammer.

by Anonymousreply 3203/31/2010


by Anonymousreply 3303/31/2010

I love my mother for the way she bought me up. I doubt very much that anyone would be interested in the very ordinary sacrifice and selflessness involved in my mother's parenting of me. So I don't understand why I'm expected to be interested in other peoples' experiences of parenting.

Parenting is actually very ordinary. It's usual, normal, and expected, and everyone's experience of it will be different. It's really not the hardest job in the world. Anyone could make a case for their job being the hardest.

I work 10-14 hours every day, five to six days per week, every week. I last had a holiday in 2007. My time is not my own. I'm at the beck and call of dubious management, and I have to work over above what I expected when I took this job (in about 2002) because I have co-workers who rely on me to do their job so they keep theirs. I'm working in very difficult conditions, totally unexpected, and I'm constantly at risk of losing my job. I have a partner who relies on me for income. I sleep about four hours a night, and I'm generally pricked awake at 5.30am by worry about work and money.

I get paid of course, but I've generally worked my contracted hours by Wednesday lunchtime, so the company gets the rest of Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday out of me for free.

Is that better or worse than parenting? No, it's just my stressful, day to day life. Am I unusual? Of course not. Do I deserve a medal? No. Some time off would be nice, but I don't expect recognition for what I'm doing. I certainly don't expect a Stressed Workers Of The World Day.

So when someone bleats on about how stressful being a mom is, I completely understand where they're coming from, but I don't think they're special or unusual.

by Anonymousreply 3403/31/2010

The problem is, being a parent is not a job.

The whole cliche of "being a mom is a hard job" comes out of the fact that the world is so materialistic.

And in fact, feminists were/are materialistic and made housewives feel like dirt because they didn't do anything "outside the home" and depended on their husbands financially.

So housewives didn't feel valued, and the terms got changed -- "homemakers" and "stay-at-home moms" -- and they attempted to put an economic value on motherhood, by speaking of it in terms of a job, or make a list of jobs mothers do ("we're cooks, cleaners, drivers, tutors, etc.").

It's a modern thing, and I think it's vulgar. In the Victorian age, nobody questioned the value of motherhood, for instance, and they didn't think of it in economic terms.

by Anonymousreply 3504/01/2010

[quote]And in fact, feminists were/are materialistic and made housewives feel like dirt because they didn't do anything "outside the home" and depended on their husbands financially.

Whereas feminists for the past twenty years have been looking to get a fair days pay for a fair days work including parents.

[quote]It's a modern thing, and I think it's vulgar. In the Victorian age, nobody questioned the value of motherhood, for instance, and they didn't think of it in economic terms.

Not true. Motherhood was either romanticised to the nth degree or was very much a financial consideration. Those rich enough outsourced parenting to the poor, poor woman worked in and outside the home as much as modern women but weren't counted as workers,. Poor children were workers from the age of five and were sold into apprenticeships and prostitution.

by Anonymousreply 3604/01/2010

R34, it is YOU that is ordinary, not mothers.

I couldn't make it through half your inane and self-pitying/congratulatory post.

by Anonymousreply 3704/01/2010

[quote]The mom at least gets a break when the husband comes home.

Are you fucking kidding? When the father comes home, it's just like another child has been added to the mix. There's no 'break' involved.

The fetishization of straight men on DL has risen to beyond ludicrous heights.

by Anonymousreply 3804/01/2010

>>>Being a mom is the hardest job in the world"

no shit. I am shocked at the morons that say this as if they just figured it out. Didn't they pay any damn attention to how hard their parents worked to support them? Didn't they appreciate it? I don't hear them thanking their parents. All I hear is them wanting credit for something they chose to do

by Anonymousreply 3904/01/2010

r37, of course I feel sorry for myself. We all do from time to time.

I think of myself as completely ordinary, as is parenting. It's not heroic. It's just stressful.

by Anonymousreply 4004/01/2010

Thank you r36. I was wondering where to start with that ignorant post.

by Anonymousreply 4104/01/2010

The Mom Anthem

by Anonymousreply 4204/01/2010

Straight frau here, out of work for a year. I can tell you going from a stressful job in advertising to being a stay at home mom was a tough transition. Tough because it is a much harder day being home than it was at the office. Sure, I can get a break or two, being in my own home, setting my own schedule. But let me tell you, entertaining, feeding, and basically caring for demanding little humans is not easy. My biggest issue would be no recognition. We all like it, bosses are all told to give it, but as a mom, there is none. So you cook, you clean, you love, only to do it again and again. I look forward to going back to work when the youngest is in school all day, I look foward to adult conversation, some respect and a mental break from the monotony. Oh, but I do love my kids, and appreciate that I got the chance to be there for them.

by Anonymousreply 4304/01/2010

From all available evidence raising children who aren't complete troglodytes is really hard, as few women seem to manage it.

by Anonymousreply 4404/01/2010

R44, women aren't the only ones responsible for raising the next generation. How about the sperm donors?

by Anonymousreply 4504/01/2010

Sorry, but the hardest job in the world is being a stay at home *dad*. It has all of the drawbacks of being a stay at home mom, plus the stigma of being male. The notion being that if you were not a total looser, you would find someone else to watch the kids. Also, women do not like a guy invading there territory; so, you get a lot of grief from the mommies.

Sorry, let me correct that: the hardest job in the world is being a stay at home *straight* dad. Being gay, one may get some relief as it is easier for people to see you as the "wife". But if you are straight, you are pretty much screwed (and not in a good way.)

by Anonymousreply 4604/01/2010

{quote] women aren't the only ones responsible for raising the next generation

True, but we're specifically discussing Moms here aren't we?

by Anonymousreply 4704/01/2010

"Being a mom is the ONLY job I know of where you NEVER EVER EVER get a good night's sleep."

SO DON'T DO IT. It is a choice and I'm not going to suddenly grant you saint status."

I hear the rewards, though, when done even marginally well, are immeasurable. I don't have children, wouldn't know; but my parents seem to think it's the best part of their life.

by Anonymousreply 4804/01/2010

I think one of the main point that OP was making is that parenthood is a choice. YOU have chosen to have children and that's great but there are those that have chosen not to, and that doesn't make you any better than those who don't.

For many women it becomes their whole identity and they constantly want to be called a saint because they have multiple children, and they are incapable of talking about anything else. They constantly need to be validated and told how wonderful they and their children are and it is all about them. Nowadays it is still a choice so please don't ask everyone to put you on a pedestal. Remember children need to leave home and become adults.

And sorry, I do think stay at home moms have it easy compared to working moms. They always protest about this because they know it is true.

by Anonymousreply 4904/01/2010

OP: Where did you get the idea that being a parent is a choice? That's not a good word to use.

You have a choice to go to college. Once there you have a choice to quit or finish. When you graduate, you have a choice to use your education or do something else.

Once you become a parent, you will never in your life be a non-parent again, even if you abandon the child or the child dies. You can give up the job of parenting or share it, but you are always after a parent. Unless you are a psychopath, the responsibility and worry of being a parent always remains

You can be the best parent in the world-- the best possible parent for an infant and a toddler. But things change. You get older and get tired more quickly. Your spouse may leave you, may become a drunk, or abuse you. The child can turn on you. But you still have to be a parent. You have no choice.

"Worst of all, it is women who usually have to do, usually alone, all the dirty work of the kitchen and household, work that is unimportant, hard, tiresome, and soul-destroying." -- V.I.U.

by Anonymousreply 5004/01/2010

My personal favorite is when Dad is home alone with his own offspring, he says is 'babysitting.'

No, you are not, you ass. You are being a PARENT.

by Anonymousreply 5104/01/2010

R 51:

Thank you.

You take care of your kids because you are a parent. That's what you do. You want a medal?

It is hard, but it is wonderful.

by Anonymousreply 5204/01/2010

You make an excellent point R50. Once you become a parent there is no going back. But still most of the time people choose to have kids.

This is why young people should be shown how difficult it is to be a parent, not this bullshit celebrity crap where they take pictures with their pretty babies and then hand the kid to the nanny. Or look harder at their own parents and what their parents went through to raise them.

Yes you cant go back but you can think about it before going forward. No one is legally obligated to have children.

And by the way most parents always say its the best job in the world and they cant imaging their life without their kids so quit complaining.

by Anonymousreply 5304/01/2010

"OP: Where did you get the idea that being a parent is a choice? "

Oh, it's a choice all right, if you know where babies come from you can choose to avoid having any. It's just the most irrevocable choice you'll ever make, so it ought to be very carefully thought out, and most people don't seem to do that.

by Anonymousreply 5404/01/2010

>>>women aren't the only ones responsible for raising the next generation. How about the sperm donors?

These women knew what these asshole "sperm donors" were like when they dated them. Yet many of the women went on and married these men and then decided to have children with them. But no women ever think about what things will be like once they finally have kids. They think they are going to have a fantastic wedding and their husband is going to be a wonderful spouse who helps out and they will have a 50/50 marriage. 98% of the time, it never ends up like that. If the husband/boyfriend didn't help out around the house when there weren't any kids, they certainly aren't going to help out when they finally have kids. And of course most of these guys are the types who talk about wanting a bunch of kids and how family is so important to them.

by Anonymousreply 5504/01/2010

It all comes down to Identity Politics. Everyone is Someone now. Also noticed the women at work who insist that motherhood is the Hardest Job In The World are generally poor employees...

by Anonymousreply 5604/01/2010

If you're a working mum yeah. A stay at home mom? No fucking way is it the hardest. Especially when the kids have started school...Eight to three. Oh yeah it never stops.

It isn't being a mother that's hard it's living up to the new expectations of being a mother that's hard. Has nothing to do with the kids. It has to do with the moms(and again I'm talking about stay at home moms) wanting to live up to this martyrdom of being the non stop, helicopter mom. It all changed so rapidly.

When I was a kid in the 70s a parent would have been laughed of the block if they said their kids were their legacy. We were not the center of the world. When other adults came over we went outside. Even interrupting an adult could bring a backhand. We weren't dragged to a day at work or even restaurants.

So if mom's want to be a helicopter mom and think of her kids as her legacy and the one good thing she's going to do well then that's a cage of her own making.

Never gets to sleep. Fucking right.

by Anonymousreply 5704/01/2010

r50, where do you get the idea that being a parent isn't a choice? It's definitely a lifestyle choice. Abortion is still legal in this country. Even if you are a biological parent, your obligation to a child you may have spawned is strictly monetary if you don't want to be involved with its upbringing. If you choose to raise it, it's your choice to do so.

by Anonymousreply 5804/01/2010

Right, Cal Gal. It's all part of the P.C. conspiracy--how dare these cunts try to cut in on your position as the world's greatest sufferer.

by Anonymousreply 5904/01/2010

It's really sad when a board's resident trolls are so OCD they keep repeating the same damn retread topics over and over again.

Be creative, OP. Do a Ctas vs Dogs thread, or a My Car vs Your Car thread. This woman shit is overdone. How about "White wine sucks and should be shot to the moon and everybody knows it." Or "Religion sucks except for moine."

by Anonymousreply 6004/01/2010

OP has mommy issues.

by Anonymousreply 6104/01/2010

I often wonder why these women like r43 who are home with their kids, and suddenly realize "how very hard" it is, don't campaign to increase pay of daycare providers? Why is that? Instead of moaning about how much it sucks for them, you would think if it really were that much of a shock that they would want others who then take their kids and care for them all day to get paid EXTREMELY WELL, as it is the hardest job out there. Or does this fall into one of those "it's priceless, god bless them for doing the hardest job in the world" category?

by Anonymousreply 6204/01/2010

I think being a working mother is incredibly hard; they have all the same responsibilities, a job they don't get the benefit of the Victorian halo resting on the heads of "full-time" mothers; instead, they get bashed for spending a single second a way from their precious angels. Being a SAHM is about as difficult as the investment put into, just like any other job.

by Anonymousreply 6304/01/2010

Being a parent isn't a job. It's a hobby. You opted to devote your time, money, and attention to raising a living thing and forcing it to love you, the same as if you'd bought a dog or a cat or a pony.

by Anonymousreply 6404/01/2010

>>>Once you become a parent, you will never in your life be a non-parent again. the responsibility and worry of being a parent always remains

No shit.You didn't realize this until after you had kids? You didn't realize it until after you had a few kids? What did you think parenthood was going to be like? The Brady Bunch? Didn't you pay attention to all the hard work your parents did to raise you? and all the sacrifices they made?

People now act like all the work it takes to be a parent was kept as a secret from them - a big conspiracy. It wasn't a secret, you were too busy caring all about yourself to notice what all the adults/parents have been doing since time began. But you thought it would be so fun to have kids


by Anonymousreply 6504/01/2010

I have way more sympathy for working moms than for stay at home moms, and more sympathy still for single moms and lesbian moms.

I have a hard time working up any sympathy at all for a married woman with heterosexual privilege and no need to work outside the home, bleating about how hard her life is because she takes care of her own children. Give me a fucking break.

And while I can sympathize with anyone having sleepness nights, stfu about it already. No one forced you to have kids. I have sleepness nights due to anxiety and arthritis pain, but I don't go around telling the whole world about it in a bid for sympathy.

by Anonymousreply 6604/01/2010

I'm always amazed at how people here have so much to say about something they don't know anything about. They're on the outside looking in with perceptions. I say this because I was one of those women saying I didn't want kids, I didn't like kids, I didn't understand why people had kids (yet - deep down - I was envious of mothers). It wasn't until I was able to be honest with myself that I was able to move forward in spite of the fear and become a mom. And I am waaaay more happy now than I was before. Clubs, dating, sex, girlfriend, boyfriend, travelling, dining out, shopping (repeat) got old and very empty after a while. This doesn't happen to everyone, but don't put people down who have moved on to a different phase in their lives.

by Anonymousreply 6704/01/2010

Thanks R43: You beat me to it. I enjoy the motherhood/work balance.

R49: You last statement is NOT true for all women. You're romanticizing stay at home mothers. I've done both and can tell you R43 is right on.

Also, if you love your children, it is not hard work - "demanding" yes - "hard" no. But that depends on how selfish you are to begin with.

by Anonymousreply 6804/01/2010

R63 nails it. I can speak to this because, unlike most of the posters on this thread, I have truly done all of it. While childless in my 20's, I worked full time 60 hours a week at a demanding career. Later, with small children I continued to work full-time (the same demanding 60 hours), then I scaled back to part-time and eventually didn't work at at all for a period of time. By far, the hardest I ever had it was working full-time with small children. It was hell. I never felt I was giving either my kids or the job 100%. If you're fortunate enough to have a choice, it's much better to work part-time while they're small, then ease back into full time when they become teenagers and can fend for themselves.

No, being a stay at home mom is definitly NOT the hardest job in the world. Being a working mom is the hardest, and single moms have it the hardest of all. They have my sympathy and utmost admiration when they manage to juggle it all and raise their children to be decent human beings.

by Anonymousreply 6904/01/2010

it's not a fucking job! No one is disputing that raising children is hard, but it's what YOU CHOSE.

by Anonymousreply 7004/01/2010

"I'm always amazed at how people here have so much to say about something they don't know anything about."

How do you know what people here know about? Some are parents. All have parents. And no, people don't have to be in your position to have insight into it, especially if you bitch about it to us 24-7.

by Anonymousreply 7104/01/2010

Is R21's post trying to be ironic?

I can't tell since that post is one, big, heap of "Oh dear!" Frankly, there's a lot of "Oh dear!" in this thread.

Commas, people! Commas!

by Anonymousreply 7204/01/2010

Being a hands-on effective parent and helping to raise the next generation of humans, whether you're a mother or father, is indeed the hardest job in the world. But usually the bulk of the responsibility of caregiver falls on the mother, and yes, it is especially difficult on working and/or single moms. Whether it's a choice or not does not negate the difficulty of it, and acknowledging the difficulty of it is not the same as asking for sainthood.

by Anonymousreply 7304/01/2010

Raising children --regardless of gender-- is difficult.

by Anonymousreply 7404/01/2010

R71: "You" does not apply to me. I NEVER bitch about it. I know what I chose to do and I'm fine with it. Also, the parents on these threads usually identify themselves as such and their tones/attitudes are completely different. You know what I mean. Don't play dumb.

by Anonymousreply 7504/01/2010

Raising children --regardless of difficulty-- is a choice.

by Anonymousreply 7604/01/2010

My sister, who is a wonderful mother, says that motherhood is neither the hardest nor the most difficult job in the world (she's a federal judge). But, once you have kids, they have to be your priority. Somehow that has become twisted into the hardest/most important meme.

by Anonymousreply 7704/01/2010

If it's the hardest job in the world then I expecte you are championing the rights and salaries of daycare providers every chance you get, r73. If it's the hardest job in the world, I expect these women to want that for the other women who are expected to do that job - yet I never hear that. I haven't heard one word of praise for daycare providers on this thread, only bitching from mothers about how hard THEIR plight is to them.

by Anonymousreply 7804/01/2010

I'm a single-mother-by-choice who works and I don't get the pity party for single working mothers. I love my daughter so I take care of her. I need to earn money so I work (40 hours a week max!). I guess my idea of what's hard/difficult is completely different. It's all about perspective.

by Anonymousreply 7904/01/2010

R77 - Thank You!

by Anonymousreply 8004/01/2010

R76, I know it's a choice. Becoming a fireman is a choice. Becoming a doctor is a choice. Most jobs are choice.

The job itself entails a lot of work, regardless of gender. And even after you've put in the years, you still can't be sure if you've raised a productive citizen or a pox on society.

by Anonymousreply 8104/01/2010

What r3 is TRYING to say, you morons, is that it was not a GRAMMAR error but a SPELLING error. Spelling and grammar are not the same thing, you goddamn troglodytes.

by Anonymousreply 8204/01/2010

R82: It was a grammatical error - not a spelling error. He didn't spell "your" (vs. "you're") incorrectly. He used it incorrectly.

by Anonymousreply 8304/01/2010

""You" does not apply to me. I NEVER bitch about it."

What do you call your post, r67? It was the typical "nobody knows the trouble I've seen" that we're subjected to constantly from the Mommy Brigade. I have a wonderful mother, but she chose to be a parent and took on the responsibility with full knowledge of the costs and benefits. She doesn't demand that people concede that it is inherently the "hardest job in the world" and certainly wouldn't presume that any life that doesn't include parenting somehow consists of clubs and emptiness, which was your implication--and don't you play dumb and pretend that your post doesn't imply this. If you are fine with your choice than enjoy it and move on; don't expect the rest of the world to congratulate you or care. No one is "putting you down" simply because we aren't impressed by the mere fact of your reproduction.

by Anonymousreply 8404/01/2010

r81, it's not a job. It's something one chooses to do with no monetary compensation. No one is disputing that it is hard work, but you signed up for it. Gardening is hard work too, so is caring for pets, parents, taking care of a house. None of these things, including raising your own children is a job.

by Anonymousreply 8504/01/2010

R84: Reading is fundamental. You're projecting your own insecurities/issues into my posts and seeing/implying things that arent there at all. You're angry, miserable and need help - seriously.

by Anonymousreply 8604/01/2010

arent = aren't

by Anonymousreply 8704/01/2010

Whatever you say, r86. Whatever my problems might be, I'm not going to paper over them by having a baby to give my life the "meaning" that I couldn't create without them. No child deserves that, so I wish your child luck.

by Anonymousreply 8804/01/2010

"Some of you don't understand selflessness and sacrifice, which is what parenting is all about."

And you, clearly, have not met my parents.

by Anonymousreply 8904/01/2010

Whatever R88: Attack my mothering skills when you don't have anything else to say. Whatever.

by Anonymousreply 9004/01/2010

I'm not a parent, but I can understand why it's considered the most difficult "job." Being responsible for another human's life and fulfilling those responsibilities well (for someone who might end up hating you for your efforts), not just for a few hours a day or a few days a week, but 24-7 is a frightening and overwhelming prospect to me. It is a total game-changer in every way.

I have no idea what the situation is like for daycare providers, but good ones should indeed be paid a decent salary. However, the poster who keeps bring them up seems to be missing the point that some of the very things that make parenthood so difficult is the sum of all the responsibilities (not merely the caregiving aspect) and the fact that there is never an emotional (and sometimes physical) break from it, which is different from the situation of daycare providers. And yes, it is usually a choice, but again, that has nothing to do with its difficulty level, and again, acknowledging that is the not the same as asking for pity or a halo.

by Anonymousreply 9104/01/2010

I think both mothers and fathers these days are so smug. I see it with a lot of men as well who are always bragging about what great fathers they are and how their lives have so much more meaning, blah, blah, blah.

I wonder if parents of older generations who weren't so concerned with patting themselves on the back all of the time don't just feel like smacking the hell out of these self satisfied parents of my generation (late baby boomers to gen x). But, we live in such a self promoting world now that people see this behavior as normal. It is funny how the more self promoting we get the meaner we seem to become as a society.

by Anonymousreply 9204/01/2010

My partner recently friended someone on facebook. He made a comment on how beautiful this man's daughters were and the guy came back with how hard it is raising kids, blah blah blah. Smug indeed. Any mention of kids and they have to make a point about how much more difficult their lives are because they're parents. The obvious implication is that anyone without kids is living the high life on easy street.

Get off the fucking cross, parents!

by Anonymousreply 9304/01/2010

Actually, I apologize r90--I don't know you and I shouldn't impugn your motives for becoming a mother. However, I stand by assessment of your post, and I think if you re-read it without being defensive, you will see exactly what I was responding to as well as what others are seeing when parents make statements like yours.

by Anonymousreply 9404/01/2010

I'm a single working mom. Going to work is a break for me. I need adult conversation. My kid's dad lives out of the country so it is literally just me and my daughter (think Gilmore Girls - the early years).

I love my kid, but I would die if I had to stay home with her everyday. I would rather be tired and have a messy house and frozen dinners than stay at home to clean, cook and entertain my kid all day.

That said, I kind of look down on stay at home moms. They seem kind of brainless to me.

by Anonymousreply 9504/01/2010

Give credit where it's due. Raising a great kid, at personal hardship and expense, doesn't just benefit a mother.

It benefits all of society.

The kid I raise belongs to all of US, not just me.

by Anonymousreply 9604/01/2010

I'm just glad I had a hamburger helper cool whip and jell-o mom who didn't act like she was dragging around a cross all day.

God where living in a world where most people find it hard to get through the day without a support group and a sponsor.

by Anonymousreply 9704/01/2010

omg, I can't believe your ego, r96. Are you for real?

by Anonymousreply 9804/01/2010

r20...when's the last time you spoke to your mom??

by Anonymousreply 9904/01/2010

R93 perfectly exemplifies logic on DL. Their partner says he knows someone who was smug about parenting, therefore ALL parents act like martyrs.

R98 is a great example of the ignorance of many DLers. If you can't figure out that raising (and educating, and taking care of the health needs of) children properly benefits an entire society, then you're a lost cause.

by Anonymousreply 10004/01/2010

>>>r96 I know you're trolling because that's fucking bullshit

>>It benefits all of society. Doesn't benefit me

>>>The kid I raise belongs to all of US, not just me. your kids don't belong to me - except when you fail and want everyone else to clean up the mess

by Anonymousreply 10104/01/2010

It makes one wonder how women avoided suicide before the vacuum, the fridge and freezer, the washing machine, the mall, the tv to plonk the older ones in front of...

by Anonymousreply 10204/01/2010

They didn't have to commit suicide, they naturally and understandably went to early graves.

by Anonymousreply 10304/01/2010

R96 has to be a troll.

by Anonymousreply 10404/01/2010

"Some of you don't understand selflessness and sacrifice, which is what parenting is all about."

Oh Jesus anothr parent with a martyr complex. Well at least that guarantees your kids will be screwed up.

by Anonymousreply 10504/01/2010

[quote]When the father comes home, it's just like another child has been added to the mix. There's no 'break' involved.

Give it a rest. Nobody told you, you had to marry a useless man who just wants someone to take care of him.

by Anonymousreply 10604/01/2010

I think people ought to go back to having kids earlier in life. All the parents I know in their 30s and 40s are so exhausted by the whole experience and are such martyrs about the selfless sacrifices they make for their children. Younger people seem better equipped to go with the flow, plus usually have more energy and stamina. I am 43 and cannot imagine having to change my life or sleep habits for a small needy child.

by Anonymousreply 10704/01/2010

It's stressful raising kids, but it's no more stressful than thousands of other jobs.

Really, parents need to get a sense of perspective. I find those with perspective tend to raise the better humans.

by Anonymousreply 10804/01/2010

It's not like you can't opt out.

by Anonymousreply 10904/01/2010

Actually, R107, I see 20-somethings doing exactly that. Hopefully they learned from the previous generation of late-life parents, who encountered infertility, burnout, and the increased risks of autism and other diseases that accompany those choices.

Young people have the stamina and flexibility to bear and care for infants. It is physically and emotionally exhausting, and I don't think 40-somethings should be choosing it. Just my two cents.

by Anonymousreply 11004/01/2010

Raising your own children is the most selfish act on the planet, right up there with actually bringing your own children into the overpopulated world we live in. Raising someone else's children by hardship (ex: sister and brother-in-law die in a car accident and you raise their child, or ex2: adoption/foster kids) is the only exception to this rule, and even then the individual has taken on that responsibility, as thoughtful and selfless as the act may be. I have zero sympathy for mothers in general and find them to be very selfish in a global sense, particularly if they have more than one child. Are they not aware of the troubles of the world? Of course not, because God is too busy "blessing" them with more spawn. Sickening, stupid and selfish.

by Anonymousreply 11104/01/2010

Yes, modern parents are smug and annoying, with all that blather about how horrible-yet-rewarding helicopter parenting is, and how perfect their hellspawn are. Not like previous generations, who were offhand to the point of callousness with their kids.

IMHO that's because parenting IS a choice.

Kids used to be mandatory, whether you liked it or not, and people were much more open about not liking it. But now that nobody is a parent unless they choose to be, parenting is entirely voluntary and nobody is willing to admit they made a mistake in becoming a parent. I mean, you can't send the hellspawn back, you're stuck with them and if you say you hate parenting then everyone thinks you're a bad person - especially your kids.

So, everyone who chooses to become a parent has to talk it up, and thereby justify the choice.

by Anonymousreply 11204/01/2010

I have not read this entire thread so some of this may be repetitious...Single Gay dad. It is the hardest job I ever imagined having.

by Anonymousreply 11304/01/2010

You people bitching about raising kids being really hard need to shut the fuck up. Did you think it was going to be easy? NO! Yet you chose to do it anyway. Now you get to deal with that CHOICE. Oh and it's hardly a job. It's a responsibility. Like being a housewife is not a job. A job is where do something you hate and someone pays you for it. In this case you're not getting paid therefore, not a job.

And people have been taking care of children since the dawn of mankind. It's nothing new or special. Get over it and stop your complaining.

by Anonymousreply 11404/01/2010

"Being a mom is the hardest job in the world."

It's just a saying to recognize that being a mom (at least a good mom) IS difficult, even though it is an unpaid job.

It doesn't mean that being a mom is difinitively the hardest job in the world.

Why must DLers blow everything out of proportion?

by Anonymousreply 11504/01/2010

Christ, it's the hardest job in the world for everyone else but the mummy.

We all have to put up with the overindulged little shits after they've poisoned mummy and daddy.

by Anonymousreply 11604/01/2010

I'm a gay man, and I want to point out that in most careers, when you're having a bad time of things, you can generally pull back in a number of ways to get some focus. That never really happens if you have more than one child. I'm in my late thirties and always thought I wanted to have a kid or kids some day.

My sister, a former meteorologist, is now a stay at home mom of three. Her first was still born at 9 months. Doctor advised her to have children as soon as possible. She now has 3 healthy kids under 4. They are really great and I enjoy being around them. However, my sister is constantly on the go with them with little to no break.

While she's a good mom, I see the stress constantly, and you don't get away from it. Your boss doesn't keep you up at night. A child will. Her kids are really pretty good, but it made me reconsider having even just one.

I'm the type of person that takes in rescue pets, fixer upper houses and fixer upper boyfriends, lol. I can't resist a challenge. Children are no longer an option for me. Too much work.I applaud all of you who would take it on, and I relaize how hard it is to raise children after seeing first hand.

by Anonymousreply 11704/01/2010

Thank you R117 for providing absolution for the rest of us who bitch about children.

Because remember the kids you used to hate? The ones who used to pull the wings off flies? Rhw ones who used to beat up other kids? They are grown up now. They are pretty much the same.

Good luck to all of us including your saintly sister and her brood, huh?

by Anonymousreply 11804/01/2010

Being a mother the hardest job in the world. Jesus, give me a break!

by Anonymousreply 11904/02/2010


by Anonymousreply 12004/02/2010

I don't see why people want thanks or sympathy for raising children. The world has too many already, stop having them or at the very least stop expecting applause for bringing even more into the world when so many are already suffering and orphaned.

by Anonymousreply 12104/02/2010

I think the trouble started when the "housewife" became the "stay at home mom."

by Anonymousreply 12204/02/2010

r121 Too bad your mom didn't feel the same way you do.

by Anonymousreply 12304/03/2010

The best line every about parenthood was uttered by Jason Robards in the movie, Parenthood. He said, no matter how old they get, you "never cross the goal line, spike the ball". It never ends".

It's physically and mentally exhausting. It's also the most rewarding thing you can ever do in your life. When your children are happy, you feel it. When they are sad, you ache for them. It's the most selfless thing on earth when it's for the right reasons. Not as trophies or entitlements, but for love. The family is the single most important unit there is and if you don't believe me, look up statistics of what happens when a child is not raised in a loving family. Then come back and tell me that it's not important.

by Anonymousreply 12404/03/2010

Nobody said parenting isn't important. That doesn't mean that it is a "job," or that as a "job," it is inherently harder than every other job.

by Anonymousreply 12504/03/2010

Raising kids is very hard work. I look at my sister. She has four kids under the age of 12, and her life is a living hell. Whenever I call to speak to her, the kids are screaming in the background or hitting and teasing each other. They're almost always sick with something or another. Since November, there hasn't been a week in her house where someone hasn't been sick. Yes, she chose her life to an extent, I suppose, but it's just the natural cycle of straight life. It's not easy and I don't envy her.

by Anonymousreply 12604/03/2010

Being a mom maybe the hardest job in the world but its a choice! your choice to be a mom

by Anonymousreply 12704/03/2010

"the kids are screaming in the background or hitting and teasing each other"

That's not about being a mom being the hardest job in the world - that's about her having too many kids to cope with and those kids being brats.

by Anonymousreply 12804/03/2010

There's a thing called birth control, r126. So, yes, it is fully a choice, not just something that can't be helped.

by Anonymousreply 12904/03/2010

She did, r23. I'm adopted.

by Anonymousreply 13004/03/2010

Sorry, that should have read as follows:

She did, r123. I'm adopted

by Anonymousreply 13104/03/2010

It's just the dynamics of the kids' relationships. The oldest boy, 12, has learning disabilities and coordination problems. He is constantly being teased by his very intelligent younger sister, 10, for being "stupid." The third oldest, a boy, 6, in turns, teases the sister and is the biggest hypochondiac you'd ever want to me. The youngest one, born last year, is alway sick. On top of this, they have huge financial problems. They're on food stamps and Medicaid. I'm not supposed to know this; my mother spilled the beans to me. They everyone in the world money, including 20 grand to me. Her life is a mess in just so many ways. I have no responsibilities, and my biggest problem is trying to get six-pack abs. I feel kind of guilty that she has all these problems.

by Anonymousreply 13204/03/2010

I have to take exception to this notion that having chidren is inherently a selfish act. Some parents are self-centered, vain, and self-indulgent, as are many childless people. But for many people, the experience of having and parenting children, which is a primal experience even though we as humans have some discretion in deciding whether and when to reproduce, draws them into the community of humankind and gives them greater compassion for other people. It "connects" them to other people in a very fundamental way, they take their place in the chain of generations, realize their responsibility toward humanity, and understand that life is something bigger than themselves - that's the opposite of "selfish," I should think.

As far as stay-at-home-moms...I live in the tri-state area and commute into NYC. For me, it's a two-hour commute each way, so I spend 4 hours each day in transit. Imagine two parents doing that and trying to have any kind of a family life or get anything done. A lot of families in this area have a stay-at-home parent (and in this job environment, it ain't always the wife/mother), simply because it's the only way to make the family function. And in most of the families I know with a stay-at-home parent, the decision to have one parent stay at home was made jointly by *both* parents.

by Anonymousreply 13304/03/2010

I get all of that from the time I spend as a volunteer every week, r133. I'm sure plenty of others get it in different ways. How myopic too assume all of those things only come with being a parent. There are plenty of parents who do not fit into that description as well. There are plenty of parents who have kids for all the wrong reasons and they raise their kids with values that ensure that sort of self-centeredness and selfishness will continue from one generation to the next.

by Anonymousreply 13404/03/2010

It seems like the worse parenting gets, the more parents complain about how "hard" they work at it.

by Anonymousreply 13504/03/2010

A job is a responsiblity. Therefore, being a parent is a job. Taking any job is a choice, as stated here by many. People choose (sometimes) to become parents. Then, after the anticipation of birth, baby showers, furniture and toy shopping, the "job" begins. There is no book, video, class, etc. that could ever prepare anyone for the enormous responsiblity of parenthood. It is a job, hardest because you can't quit it and walk away to find something better.

by Anonymousreply 13604/03/2010

Parenting is also a job because you're vitally responsible for an outcome. Housekeeping is a series of chores that together make up a job, but your performance as a parent has the potential to reverberate over generations.

by Anonymousreply 13704/03/2010

Some of the worst parents have great kids and vice versa. That doesn't happen at "work."

by Anonymousreply 13804/03/2010


A regular activity performed in exchange for payment, especially as one's trade, occupation, or profession.

by Anonymousreply 13904/03/2010

"The family is the single most important unit there is and if you don't believe me, look up statistics of what happens when a child is not raised in a loving family. "

$10 says you don't include gay families in your judgement.

by Anonymousreply 14004/03/2010

Jesus Christ, 126, is your sister ruled by her twitching cunt?

by Anonymousreply 14104/03/2010

Being a Mom can be hard work like a lot of other things in life. How hard it is depends on the child. But I don't go with the "hardest job in the world" bullshit.

Being a Mom is not an occupation, its a relationship and like any other relationship it can be difficult. I can't stand "professional" mothers, who think the world has to defer to them at every turn. Indulging their children the way they do causes a lot of problems for their children, who in turn, think the whole world should defer to them. Its not real.

by Anonymousreply 14204/03/2010

I think many women in the United States are pressured to treaat motherhood like an occupation, however, to justify themselves for taking a step back from the workplace.

I used to live in Denmark, which has very generous policies toward parental leave and work/life balance and you'd never hear women describe themselves as "professional mothers," even if they didn't happen to work outside the home. Having kids was just a fact of life.

There also wasn't a huge level of resentment on the part of people like myself, who didn't happen to have kids.

There are many things I don't miss about Denmark, but the social configurations were actually positive. I didn't feel a constant urge to tell people to pipe the fuck down, like I do here in the U.S. a lot of the time.

by Anonymousreply 14304/04/2010

First off I have to say I am in a pissed off mood so please forgive the rant.

I have a 17 year old daughter that I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with when she was young.My daughter has told me that she is glad that we had the time together and we get along really well.I am the dreaded straight (but not a frau) btw. I feel for post 34 and would definitely help you out in any way possible.Your job sounds way harder than being a parent.

So my rant. Last night I took a friend out for her birthday. Family comes in with 3 children and as soon as they are seated the youngest (around a year old) starts up. Neither father or mother trys to engage him in any way. Thet finally give him food but the noise goes on for over 20 minutes. My friend finally says something to the father about the noise and he said we should move to. The person setting behind them said something to the father. Finally the mother takes the baby and leaves while the father continues the meal. Later the manager comes over to placate the father. Obviously the other patrons are of no concern.

by Anonymousreply 14404/04/2010

It's always the upper middle class stay-at-home moms that bitch and martyr themselves the most. The single mothers who work two shifts just to be able to afford the basic necessities (housing, food and daycare) don't make half as much noise as the degreed women in McMansions who stay home out of choice and spend all day whining on self-indulgent blogs how hard it is to take the $1000 jogging stroller to Whole Foods and still make it to yoga on time.

by Anonymousreply 14504/05/2010

I think if parents didn't make their children the center of their universe they wouldn't be so stressed out and would be happier people.

My parents had their own friends, and didn't just socialize with the parents of my playmates. They did things on their own and left us with a babysitter. They were involved with our schooling on an as-needed basis, ie., annual parent-teacher conference, as neither myself nor my siblings ever got into trouble at school.

As kids, we played outside with no adult supervision or even worse, adult involvement. We stayed out until it was dark, and then came home. Then we shared our events of the day with other family members.

What I don't understand is that it is MY generation who is turning out to be helicopter parents. I wouldn't trade the freedom I had as a kid for anything. I don't get why parents who grew up that way would deny their kids the same kind of upbringing.

by Anonymousreply 14604/06/2010

"Being a Mom is not an occupation, its a relationship and like any other relationship it can be difficult."

And there you have it. Americans, as r143 points out, try to contextualize every experience by it's relationship to the market--even if it has NO relationship to the market. Thus parenthood becomes a "job," because the only way it can matter and be a legitimate use of time is if it is work; and it is only "real work" to the extent that the mother and childen are white and affluent. Motherhood has become yet another peculiar institution in American society that is simulataneously deified and degraded depending on the status of the mother and the value placed on the children.

by Anonymousreply 14704/06/2010

It's just the dynamics of the kids' relationships. The oldest boy, 12, has learning disabilities and coordination problems. He is constantly being teased by his very intelligent younger sister, 10, for being "stupid." The third oldest, a boy, 6, in turns, teases the sister and is the biggest hypochondiac you'd ever want to me. The youngest one, born last year, is alway sick. On top of this, they have huge financial problems. They're on food stamps and Medicaid. I'm not supposed to know this; my mother spilled the beans to me. They everyone in the world money, including 20 grand to me. Her life is a mess in just so many ways. I have no responsibilities, and my biggest problem is trying to get six-pack abs. I feel kind of guilty that she has all these problems.


So instead of paying attention to the dynamics of the first two being of ill health in some way or another, she continued to push out more that are in ill health.

Yea She got just what she deserves.

by Anonymousreply 14804/06/2010

Let's settle this: Parenthood is not a JOB, but it is WORK.

"Work" is any form of labor, while a "job" is where you get paid for your labor. Parenthood is definitely work, what with all the diaper changes and parent-teacher conferences, ick.

Parenthood could also be said to be a "career", in an old-fashioned sense of the word. 100-200 years ago a "career" meant your life's work, and women called marriage their "career". This usage would also cover parenthood.

by Anonymousreply 14904/06/2010

"'Work' is any form of labor, while a 'job' is where you get paid for your labor. Parenthood is definitely work, what with all the diaper changes and parent-teacher conferences, ick."

But when an ealier poster noted that we don't provide much in terms of compensation or respect to those who are employed to care for children, it was argued that this is because they do not have the same degree of responsibility and emotional attachment that is part and parcel of being a parent. This is correct, because like any relationship, parenthood entails a much stronger degree of both attachment and accountability then being a childcare worker. But let's be real here: no one ever argues that being a daycare worker is the "hardest job in the world," precisely because the hardest part of being a parent is not changing diapers or filling sippy cups. It is the nature of the parent-child relationship that makes parenting hard, and relationships are not careers.

by Anonymousreply 15004/06/2010

please. I just say that so the fraus keep watching.

by Anonymousreply 15104/06/2010

If being a mother is a job, then being a wife is a job. Being a husband is a job. Being a child is a job. Being an uncle is a job. These are not JOBS.

Also, since the HUGE majority of "moms" do not work, why are they called "stay at home Moms"? MOST moms stay at home. Thus, "Working Moms", yes. It's a distinction from the norm. "Stay at home Moms", no. They are the majority, so they are just... "Moms".

by Anonymousreply 15204/18/2010

[quote]I couldn't make it through half your inane and self-pitying/congratulatory post.

If you didn't read it, why do you feel compelled to comment on it? That makes you look a lot worse than your target does.


People who frequently complain about how hard it is to be a parent are often demonstrating how self-absorbed they are. They want to be acknowledged and credited for everything they do. That's kind of understandable, but we all make decisions about what we are going to do with our lives and how we are going to invest our time. Not many of us get kudos for getting out of bed in the morning and fulfilling our basic obligations.

Frankly, most parents don’t even deserve any kind of acknowledgement for their efforts. How many people sit down before they have children and actually think about what it entails? How many people consider how many children they should have before they have any? How many people really, truly make their children their top priority? The more children in a family, the less attention and affection each of those children receive, and the more responsibility for child-rearing the older children are given, not even having a choice about parenting their siblings. Even rats can squeeze out progeny. Reproducing does not make anyone special or noteworthy, and having reproduced, caring for one’s children is a basic obligation, not a “job.”

by Anonymousreply 15304/18/2010

[quote] Also, since the HUGE majority of "moms" do not work, why are they called "stay at home Moms"? MOST moms stay at home. Thus, "Working Moms", yes. It's a distinction from the norm. "Stay at home Moms", no. They are the majority, so they are just... "Moms".

I'm not sure where you got any of that from. Every statistic I've read about working mothers in the US puts them in the majority. Here is one of the more recent ones:

"In 2007, 71.0 percent of women with children under 18 years of age were in the labor force (either employed or looking for work) and 67.8 percent were employed."

by Anonymousreply 15404/20/2010

"If being a mother is a job, then being a wife is a job. Being a husband is a job. Being a child is a job. Being an uncle is a job. These are not JOBS."

Well, no. Rearing small children isn't just a relationship, like a relationship with another adult. In-home child-rearing requires a lot of diaper-changing, cooking, teaching, safety, putting up with shrieking and crying, being on call 24/7, and other drudgery. So it is *work*, it requires labor, even if it isn't an actual job. It becomes a mere relationship later in life, if done properly.

Which is why you wouldn't catch me doing it.

by Anonymousreply 15504/20/2010

"Labor" and "work" and "effort" do not make something a "job". I don't understand why this is so hard for people to grasp.

Webster's: "a specific task as done for an agreed price. a post of employment; full-time or part-time position."

A job is a renumerative position, not a chosen relationship involving effort.

Ones "occupation" is not everything and anything that occupies one's time. I am single. Is cleaning my apartment my job? Is making sure my mother is well cared for my job? Is reading before bed my job?

Your job is what you do for MONEY. Period. One can argue the difference between a job and a career. One can certainly suggest that some "stay at home moms" are DOING it for the money. For the shelter. The food. The car. The joys of motherhood (which, as I understand it, FAR outweigh the difficulties).

But, unless a specific sum is discussed, and unless actual money is given in return for one's specific efforts, it is not... a... JOB.

Someone who, while co-raising a child, is the child's primary caregiver (in terms of physical interaction with the child), may be fortunate enough to be able to choose whether or not to GET a job. But, by NOT WORKING and staying at home, this person is... NOT WORKING.

BTW, all the hugging and chasing and story-telling in the world is not going to raise a child if the child does not have someone supplying it with shelter and food and clothes and schooling. But, men are SO "lucky"! Not only do they "get" to pursue their "dream" (working in a factory ten hours a day screwing the tops on bottles, say), but they "get" to come home to a clean house (which they paid for), a hot meal (which they paid for), and, yes, "get" to enjoy time with their children (whom they will also be protecting, keeping healthy and educating to the tune of many hundreds of thousands of dollars and many hundreds of thousands of HOURS put in screwing the tops on bottles).

The men I know well who have children, and are married to women fortunate enough to be able to afford to stay at home and take care of them, are TERRIFIED 24 HOURS A DAY. Terrified they'll be fired, let go, laid off, injured or disabled and will not be ABLE to shelter and feed and keep healthy and educate the children -- and the woman -- they love.

I happen to believe that the best case scenario is a man working and a woman staying at home with the children. Educators seem to agree with me. But, while they both have work to do, they are not both working.

And, if there's anyone who'd be able to explain the distinction, it's a woman who is NOT lucky enough to be able to stay at home and not work. WORKING mothers, in my opinion, and in many if not most instances, have considerably more difficult lives than their husbands.

It occurs to me that a woman who does not have children and does not, by her own choice, work, is a prostitute, which IS a job, but if the woman and the man are married, she's not so much a prostitute as a freeloading bum.


The hardest job in the world? Who knows? But, first, it should probably be one.

by Anonymousreply 15604/20/2010

I have always worked, however my son became ill & my fmla ran out so i took initiative to end my position vs being fired for attendance. Being a mother is beautiful yet exhausting. I am married & could gave had an abortion , however that's not taking or learning responsibility. Long story short when. you see a stay at home mother don't assume she has never had a career, or is chilling and living life depending on the government. If it wasn't for mothers how would we be here...

by Anonymousreply 15702/18/2013

The hardest part is knowing your kids don't give a shit about you and trying to rationalize to yourself why that's the way it should be.

by Anonymousreply 15802/18/2013

Really, R157?

You bump a 3 year-old thread to tell us that?

by Anonymousreply 15902/18/2013

I think it's just a saying to recognize that parenting can be every bit as stressful, time consuming, etc. as a "real job." I don't think it's supposed to be taken as literal truth.

Fuck, more complaining about fraus? It' s like they have a spell over DL. We're gay men and lesbians, so by all means let's spend all day talking or complaining about het women. Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 16002/18/2013

I wish OP would find a baby on his doorstep.

by Anonymousreply 16102/18/2013

I think parenting is a challenge for anyone.

I became a stay at home gay dad at 40 and I agree with much of what has been said. It is tiring, draining and mind-numbing, but it is also something I'm really glad I'm doing. I love my kid and I've gotten to spend a majority of her first 8 years with her and it's been incredible.

I worked for 6 months at an old job when they called me in an emergency. My kid was 3 and wnet in pre school and those were the most relaxed 6 months in the last 8 years. Free time during my commute. Conversation with adults. Praise for a job well done. It made going home full time rough.

I'm now working semi full time since the kids in school and yet my partner and kid think I should be doing the full stay at home dad job PLUS my 30 hours outside the house. It's a tough transition, and I feel for moms who go back to work after staying home- it must be even harder for them.

by Anonymousreply 16202/18/2013

R45 is a Dr. Laura listener. She calls fathers "sperm donors" all the time.

by Anonymousreply 16302/18/2013

I didn't read any of the other responses because it's pretty obvious this thread was set up so everyone can rant on moms and women in general.

You need to change the wording to being a parent and sometimes it's the hardest and sometimes it's the easiest. It just depends on which kid you have. Some kids practically raise themselves.

But if you happen to have the problem child, the child with issues, the child that's sick, the child that's a bully or being bullied, the depressed suicidal child, the physically or mentally challenging child, the ADHD child, the autistic child, the violent child and so on--then being a parent is the hardest job in the world.

Because you know that the world is depending on you to raise a child that's not going to be a problem for society and the pressure to do that can be enormous. It's hella difficult sometimes to raise a child and you can really fail. See Adam Lanza's mom.

by Anonymousreply 16402/18/2013

I think a lot of kids raise themselves (or try to)

by Anonymousreply 16502/18/2013
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