Am I a pervert or just too nosy?

[quote]I refuse to sleep with anyone if the lights are on.

You lost me there, hun. If you're into sex, you want the lights ON.

"When I lost my virginity, I remember looking in the mirror to see if I looked different somehow"

Let's be the soundtrack to OP's life.

OP, I'll be honest, you have issues. I don't know what they are exactly, I'm not a psychiatrist, but you have issues. It's OK, a lot of people have issues and it doesn't make you a lesser person. But that weird obsessive sex/time of conception thing is an issue.

As fixations go this is pretty unique. Every once in awhile someone may make a connection that a baby was conceived on Valentine’s Day, an anniversary or during a blackout, but other then a few standard identifiers such as these tracking that information is a bit excessive and sound like it’s becoming obsessive for you, and maybe keeping you from having your own satisfying sexual relationships or interaction. If you’re reaching out here, it’s probably time to find a professional to speak with about these ideas and concerns.

R4 I don't really want a sexual relationship. People talk about sex like it's the best feeling ever, to me it's always been bland, even with sex toys.

Gurlfriend OP, we'll just have to assume that you haven't yet broached any of these issues during one of your thrice-weekly therapy sessions (or maybe you have more frequent sessions, which would be completely understandable). You probably should think about bringing it up next time, however.

[quote]I don't really want a sexual relationship. People talk about sex like it's the best feeling ever, to me it's always been bland, even with sex toys.

sux 2 b u

Watching y'all test narratives for novels is one of my favorite things about DL.

Are you sure this isn't the German Gay Guy?

First para relatable, second ya lost me.

R10 I seem autistic?

OP, I have some hang ups about sexuality, too, but I am not asexual and at times have had a high drive. It's more that sometimes I feel shame about sex.

I mean, sex is weird in the abstract, or if you didn't get the sex positive messages that so many people discuss now.

Sometimes I look at people at think "It's so weird they have sex, like his fingers that are holding the wine glass have been inside his girlfriend." Or I try to imagine what they look like naked or having sex, and what they're into.

I mention it to my partner sometimes, and his reaction is usually to be dumbfounded and laugh. He does not have such thoughts.

My advice is to not share this with others in your life, because you'll be judged. If you want to feel differently about sex, see a therapist. If you want a higher sex drive, see a doctor to rule out medical causes.

Cmon. Get over the stigma thing. You're not a pervert because you like the room to be dark. By today's standards, what is a pervert, anyway? Seemingly 10 percent of generation Z make money ramming objects up their buttholes in extreme closeups on camera, suck on feet and swap loads with as many strangers as they can 'collab' with. Others meet random people on sex apps and do all sorts of freaky things in all sorts of freaky places. You have a comfort zone and that is all.

R12 That's how I feel, the wine glass and the fingers. I would never admit these thoughts with anyone I know.

R13 It's the part about the conception dates that make me wonder if I'm perverted.

R12 it's a crapshoot with therapists, a bad one can make you feel more ashamed. Like the one who told me I was abnormal and weird for not having had sex by age 25. I mean, I *know* that, but telling me to my face did not help the matter.

OP, are you male or female? I assume male because you mention being into guys and this is a gay forum, but avoiding sex or not enjoying it might have different causes if you're a woman.

Do you have any interest in romantic relationships? Like if you could be with someone but not be sexually active? Or does all of it not appeal to you?

Are you on antidepressants, and if so, have you taken them for a long time period? That can affect sex drive and orgasms.

I don't think you're a pervert for the conception date thing, but it's definitely unusual.

If you have hang ups from being raised in a conservative area or religious household, you may want to work through that in therapy, even if you don't want a sex life for yourself. It sounds like the idea of other people having sex bothers you, which is the motive behind looking up conception dates.

R17 I'm male. I have issues with depression but I don't take medication.

I like my space and don't like compromising, so I don't see myself ever wanting a serious relationship. I wouldn't mind having somebody to go on vacations/nights out with, somebody to spend time with, but no sex or shared bank accounts.

I've had orgasms. It's not that sex doesn't feel good. I just don't think it's otherworldly and necessary like other people claim.

wow......can I have your stuff (when you eventually do it)???

I didn’t read your thread beyond the op subject line.

You are nosy pervert. Now stfu.

[quote]I wouldn't mind having somebody to go on vacations/nights out with, somebody to spend time with, but no sex or shared bank accounts.

you want a hag

'Nosy' isn't really the word OP wants, it's too mild and non-sinister.

My mother is nosy. In walking down her street she sometimes peeks for a second or two in people's windows to their living or dining rooms if they leave their curtains open, to see what they're watching or having for tea. She also earwigs phone conversations being held in her presence, gossips about office affairs and such to people who don't need to know, and pokes holes in packages that come to the house which aren't for her. This is rude, annoying and intrusive, but she's not really doing it for purpose other than indulging her impulsive banal Frau curiosity. There's no neurosis or darkness attached to her nosiness.

OP is at the first step of becoming an OCD stalker. Now she only estimates the date of conception of celebrities' children. Subsequently, she will go on an interstate mission to watch when celebs are fucking. You are mentally unhinged, OP. Seek help STAT.

You're not hurting anyone, OP, so have all the fun you want

I can relate with OP. I like the chase and the conquest, but not especially the sex.

I’m not particularly into anal, and for awhile I thought I was asexual, but when I watched a documentary about asexuals I wanted to have sex with them, LOL. I have had a lot of gay sex over my 53 years alive and can relate to the shame factor, growing up during the AIDS crisis and have had relationships fizzle because I’m no longer interested after a few rounds. I also need to know a little background on the guy, and what makes him tick.

I spent a lot of time chasing the pretty boys or bad boys that broke my heart. I also went to plenty of bathhouses and after hours clubs cruising for sex, but left mostly dissatisfied. After while that got boring and I’ve always felt unfulfilled with just sex.

I have a wonderful husband now, sex is ok, but it’s a very small part of the relationship after 7 years married. I also find a few girls attractive, but don’t think I’d ever act on it, husband it not.

You have a lot of issues which must be holding you back OP. That's my takeout from your post.

OP, if this is true, you should start making tiktoks when you do these investigations.

Are you Lorna Luft again, OP?

Have you re-forgotten something traumatic leading to this self-objectification in sexual situations, or are you suppressing that autism diagnosis?

You’re just a typical self-loathing gay guy, you’re a dime a dozen. Not unique.

I think about people I know having sex too, but not celebrities.

If we’re doing a confessional circle time, I sometimes fantasise about my celebrity crush holding my hand or cuddling me or talking in soothing praising ways close to my ears (am an audiophile, with a thing for this guy’s deep monotone accented voice), usually either just to calm me in times of stress or to send me off to sleep. It’s kind of pathetic as I’m a grown adult, but if a parasocial imaginary relationship gets me through the week, then sobeit. It makes me happy and quietens my anxiety, so.