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Inconsiderate Things That Made You Question a Friendship

What are some inconsiderate things, major or minor, that your friends have done to really make you stop and consider of the relationship should continue?

I have a friend that has on two occasions left me high and dry at events he’s invited me too.

First event was a pop up bar. He said be there at 6:30( (little early) for drinks, he’ll be there with 2-3 acquaintances he’s introduced me to before. Lovely guys but just a friend of a friend with ion form my POV. I’m alway late but decided to be on time since it’s a personal invite. Took an uber, looked cute, still running 10min behind. Get there and the bar is dead, with no sign of my friend or his friends. I text my friend and he tells me, at 6:40 that he’s not feeling well and can’t make it. He also said his friends are having dinner first and he’s sorry he forgot to tell me. They’ll be there in half an hour. I’m out of the money for the Uber and have to finish a stupid “specialty” drink so I wait. Couldn’t even make it though half an hour of conversation with his friends because they and I all had nothing of note to talk about. So I respectfully left. There was literally silence for 5 minutes at one point. It was dreadful.

Second issue, same guy. He invited me to a friend’s home for a movie night. I’ve only met them once but my core friends were out of town and I figured I could use a change of pace. I agree to attend. My friend says to arrive at 7:30 pm. It’s been a few months so I let the first slight pass. I arrive early, grab a light dinner, bring alcohol, wonder the neighborhood to kill time, it’s a beautiful night. My friend text me that he’ll be there at 8. I ask why. He says he’s just always late. I tell him I’m arrive as your plus one and don’t know them so what should I do? I guess He tells me to just show up. I refuse and wait ti 5 min till 8 to arrive because that’s just awkward to me.

Now I’m not in elementary school, I can handle new people and places but all of this instances make it crystal clear that my friend is too inconsiderate. And I feel like a fool for putting in so much effort. It sounds crazy but his lack of consideration annoyed me enough to reconsider if I want to really be associate with this person.

What are your experiences?

by Anonymousreply 173August 17, 2022 5:30 AM

Invite the friend for dinner in a restaurant, your treat, and then don't show up. A taste if one's own medicine does the body good.

by Anonymousreply 1August 13, 2022 2:01 AM

Just stay home, OP, and get a life.

by Anonymousreply 2August 13, 2022 2:09 AM

Its a One and Done with me. you mistreat me or disrespect me one time,you will never have the chance to do it twice.

by Anonymousreply 3August 13, 2022 2:15 AM

OP, I think your friendship with this guy is done. You're already pissed off. Why subject yourself to a 3rd round.

Also, you say you're always late as well. Not trying to be mean, but now you know what it feels like to be the one waiting.

by Anonymousreply 4August 13, 2022 2:16 AM

Don’t throw away social contacts for nothing. He’s a chance to meet new people, and it sounds like you desperately need to work on your social skills.

Don’t be so uptight, go with the flow.

by Anonymousreply 5August 13, 2022 2:18 AM

OP, listen to R1.

by Anonymousreply 6August 13, 2022 2:21 AM

It's not your friend's fault that you are piss-poor and unlearned, OP.

by Anonymousreply 7August 13, 2022 2:23 AM

Years ago I was still stuck in my hometown post-high school. I think I was unemployed at the time. A female friend from h.s. rekindled a friendship with me. We seemed like misfits stuck in Podunk (she was cutting hair for a living and stayng with her mom). She said she thought she was probably a lesbian.

She had this idea we would go to The Big City and visit an acquaintance of ours for the day. It went okay; I was glad to get away for a while. When we returned to his apartment after an outing, I made some offhand remark about pizza! and went to the restroom. When I emerged I learned they'd ordered one. She said unsmiling, "You're going to help pay for this. It was your idea". I was taken aback but paid my share.

Later they went into his room and smoked pot for a while. Then we two started the long trip home in virtual silence. She finally piped-up that the friend thought I was no fun. And then there was that little incident about the pizza...

We drifted apart after that. I decided I'd rather be alone than have to rationalize behavior like that.

Flash forward 35 years: I long ago moved to that Big City and became an out and happy gay. She got a better job but never moved away like she dreamed. I don't think she ever came out or had a relationship.

by Anonymousreply 8August 13, 2022 3:29 AM

R8's story bored me to tears. Wow.

by Anonymousreply 9August 13, 2022 4:37 AM

Friends who call YOU and after about two minutes into the conversation announce they can’t talk because they have to do A,B, C. So why the hell did you call 📞 if you didn’t have time to talk…Don’t waste my time…

by Anonymousreply 10August 13, 2022 5:00 AM

Sex and the City, more than anything in recent memory, made people gain unrealistic expectations of friends.

by Anonymousreply 11August 13, 2022 5:06 AM

R10 i have a friend who does that. i say call when you have time and hang up.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 12August 13, 2022 5:18 AM

OP, I experienced something very similar. A friend seemed to consider it optional to show up to things he'd agreed to, or even invited me to, with no warning and no follow-up. When I called him out on it, he insisted I was being unreasonable and why didn't I understand that I wasn't the only thing in his life?!?

I realized he was nuttier than a Snickers bar, then punched and deleted.

by Anonymousreply 13August 13, 2022 7:20 AM

One of my oldest friends is someone perpetually under a cloud of misery and misfortune. If you ever ask how she is, it's a laundry list of everything going wrong in her life. I put up with it for years because she is a good person underneath all the doom and gloom. But it came to the point where I started being vague and hiding what's going on in my life, as I would feel guilty for things going well. The weird thing is, all of the things that have happened to her (break up with partner of 15 years, asthma attack putting her in ICU, breast cancer scare and subsequent mastectomy, ovarian cancer scare etc etc) all are legit... but how can one person seem to have so much bad luck? It definitely set off my bullshit meter. I now stay far away from people who seem to always have things go wong in their life, even if on the surface it appears legitimate. The other thing that made me ghost her is she kept bailing on meeting up due to her latest catastrophe du jour. When I knew she just didn't feel like it. It's like, just be honest with me if you don't feel like hanging out. But also, sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do at first, like leaving the house. She always leans into just being fragile and whatever.

by Anonymousreply 14August 13, 2022 7:27 AM

Some people and friendships are more high maintenance than others.

by Anonymousreply 15August 13, 2022 7:34 AM

[quote]Took an uber, [bold]looked cute,[/bold] still running 10min behind.

Are you a 19-year-old version of Andrew Rannells? A 6-year-old girl in a party dress with a big bow at the back? A wicker basket full of puppies on the kitchen hearth? If not, and even if yes to the first question, you were cute "cute."

by Anonymousreply 16August 13, 2022 7:55 AM

A college friend asked that I attend her wedding, as a member of her bridal party. We had been good friends for 12 years, and I happily accepted. As it happened though, her invite was a little short on details...

She lives in Miami, and I expected to fly there from California for the wedding. Totally fine. But actually.. "It's a destination wedding... in Key West!" So I (and whatever date I can rustle up) have to fly to Miami, rent a car, and drive 2+ hours to Key West. Oh also, it's the first week of April (Spring Break!) - so the cheapest hotels are $500 a night. Oh and also, between rehearsal dinner, wedding day, and other planned activities, I'd need to plan on being in Key West for a minimum of three nights. Oh and everyone in the bridal/ grooms' parties "must wear a white linen suit!" - preselected, $600

I felt bad, but adding up the figures, I told her I might have to back out. In a frantic, tearful phone call, she told me I couldn't back out, because the (very wealthy) groom had a guest list of more than 100, and she had only immediate family attending, and that she resorted to asking me only after two other friends declined....

by Anonymousreply 17August 13, 2022 9:14 AM

A formally close friend skipped my 30th birthday to attend an event given by a friend of his girlfriend's. I had turned up to all the things he had invited me to in previous years. I was actually so shocked I couldn't believe it. It destroyed the friendship (I never accepted another invitation of his after that) and left me genuinely hurt for a long time.

by Anonymousreply 18August 13, 2022 9:21 AM

Two (former) friends (a straight couple) uninvited me three times before I stopped accepting their invitations. (Of course, I'd been their guest and they mine many times.) For those specific three occasions another invited guest refused to attend their party unless I was uninvited. That particular guest has done a similar thing to others. He gets away with it because he's notable and well off, so he's something of trophy as a guest at parties.

When I was uninvited, each time the couple were full of apologies and wanted me to "understand" how badly they felt, but it was explained that if the certain other guest and I were in the same home, it would "make everyone else feel awkward" knowing how much he dislikes me and the couple felt it unfair to put them in the position. After it happened the third time, I told them they had reached the limit of my "understanding" and told them never to invite me to anything ever again to save them the embarrassment of having to ask me not to come later. We occasionally speak on the phone, but the friendship as it once was is dead.

by Anonymousreply 19August 13, 2022 9:24 AM

I was told many years ago to treat people with respect but in order to have a happy life, only have people around you that make you feel good. I reluctantly started avoiding people who saw me as a fool or some one irrelevant. Cutting people out of your life make you much stronger and eliminates masses of stress.

by Anonymousreply 20August 13, 2022 9:29 AM

[quote]Now I’m not in elementary school,

But you write like someone who is.

by Anonymousreply 21August 13, 2022 9:34 AM

I had two friends of six or eight years who were neighbors who shared many interests, we were on the boards of the same organizations. They were big entertainers and I had been to their house many times (and they to mine, if less often), for meetings, parties, birthdays and anniversaries.we saw each other maybe not every week but almost and we shared many friends

The husband pulled me aside to ask if I might help with some mayoral campaign he was supporting and wanted me to meet with the candidate and a campaign manager to see what we might do related to campaign messaging and communications.

He called me the next day to reiterate the invitation to come to his house at 1.00 on a Saturday for lunch with hehe and his wife, the candidate, and the campaign manager. I showed up at the appointed day and time, but no answer at the door. I walked around for 20.minuted and stopped back to ring again. This time the door was opened by a housemaid in uniform and as I told her my name and that X was expecting me the host came rushing out, acting if I had shown up unexpectedly. I explained and he said, "yes, yes, but we're eating lunch now, maybe try back in an hour, an hour and a half..."

"My mistake then, because you invited me to lunch at 1 and repeated the invitation the next day, and so here I am: mistaken somehow." He just looked at me with a combination of embarrassment and anger so I reached in past him to the door knob and pulled the door closed and went home.

Oddly the campaign manager and the candidate both called me later that week to ask if I could help with the campaign - working with my friend who had recommended me highly.

We didn't cross paths for a while but it wasn't long after we did that he invited me in front of some friends around for drinks at his house.

by Anonymousreply 22August 13, 2022 10:01 AM

[quote] I now stay far away from people who seem to always have things go wong in their life, even if on the surface it appears legitimate.

You know you are a shitty friend, R14, when to get out of spending time with you people go to such lengths as landing themselves in the ICU or having mastectomies.

by Anonymousreply 23August 13, 2022 10:34 AM

R20 this is exactly something I'm going through right now. I need to cut someone out of my life, but it is difficult. But you are 100% correct.

by Anonymousreply 24August 13, 2022 10:51 AM

It's obvious to me that some of these "friends" extending some of these "invites" only did so as a means of using you to fit their plans. When it appeared that those plans would not pan out as anticipated, or they were abandoned altogether, then you were deemed no longer useful. Hence, the rude behavior/ghosting. Friends don't do this sort of thing to one another. Friends vs Acquaintances - know the difference, and proceef accordingly!

by Anonymousreply 25August 13, 2022 11:28 AM

[Quote] He called me the next day to reiterate the invitation to come to his house at 1.00 on a Saturday for lunch with hehe and his wife…

Anne he he was there?

by Anonymousreply 26August 13, 2022 12:09 PM

I occasionally over the years have "tested" quote "friends".. what I mean is, that I sometimes on purpose do not see them, do not call them, for days and weeks at a time, wondering if they will reach out to me to see what's going on, if i'm okay and so on...

I know, I know, this is probably not right and is what passive aggressive? The thing is? EVERY SINGLE TIME all these "friends" never do reach out to me, so in my mind, it proves they were not real friends in the first place. And there went the friendship.

by Anonymousreply 27August 13, 2022 12:23 PM

There’s a balance to this. Looking back, I regretfully ditched some friendships over petty things while others I should have cut loose much earlier. Everyone has personality quirks, but bad or selfish character is something different, and it took the experience of learning the hard way for me to read and gauge the difference. What I refuse to put up with anymore is a lack of reciprocity or being made to feel like plan B. I always give people a few attempts and the initial benefit of the doubt, but when it feels wrong, I just withdraw and stop all effort. I became busy and not available until it dies on the vine. I’d rather spend that time with my dog.

by Anonymousreply 28August 13, 2022 12:32 PM

A woman I knew for 20+ years told another gay friend, his partner and me to save the day for her wedding, 10 months in advance. The invite came, to an evening party,, so we assumed it was a small wedding followed by this as the main event. When the three of us arrived the venue was set out for a big meal for 100+ people, guests at the actual wedding, which had been followed by a coach tour of the city, then the meal, which was running late. Many of these guests were far more recent friends, but were mostly straight with families. There were about a dozen of us second-class guests who arrived for the evening party. And we didn't get a thank you note for the very nice present we had clubbed together for. Off the Christmas card list.

by Anonymousreply 29August 13, 2022 12:33 PM

R23) Agree with you on R14. One of my best friends has been going through something hellacious in her already complicated life. She is my friend and I try to comfort her, listen to her, give unsolicited advice and support her. This is what friends do.

by Anonymousreply 30August 13, 2022 12:37 PM

[quote]I occasionally over the years have "tested" quote "friends".. what I mean is, that I sometimes on purpose do not see them, do not call them, for days and weeks at a time, wondering if they will reach out to me to see what's going on, if i'm okay and so on...

[quote]...EVERY SINGLE TIME all these "friends" never do reach out to me, so in my mind, it proves they were not real friends in the first place. And there went the friendship.

Well then, R27, you bear the curse of always being right. Enjoy.

by Anonymousreply 31August 13, 2022 12:45 PM

He sent me a photo of a close-up of an anus at 7:30 in the morning with the message "Does it look like he has anal warts? I figured you would know". I would know but it's not the sort of text you send before coffee. Maybe after a second cocktail at 7:30pm. I iced him out after because clearly we were not compatible.

by Anonymousreply 32August 13, 2022 12:46 PM

[quote]The weird thing is, all of the things that have happened to her (break up with partner of 15 years, asthma attack putting her in ICU, breast cancer scare and subsequent mastectomy, ovarian cancer scare etc etc) all are legit... but how can one person seem to have so much bad luck? It definitely set off my bullshit meter. I now stay far away from people who seem to always have things go wong in their life, even if on the surface it appears legitimate.

You are an absolute piece of shit. I can't wait until your cancerous dick falls off.

by Anonymousreply 33August 13, 2022 1:17 PM

[quote] It's obvious to me that some of these "friends" extending some of these "invites" only did so as a means of using you to fit their plans. When it appeared that those plans would not pan out as anticipated, or they were abandoned altogether, then you were deemed no longer useful. Hence, the rude behavior/ghosting. Friends don't do this sort of thing to one another. Friends vs Acquaintances - know the difference, and proceef accordingly!

A college friend I hadn’t seen in 20 years contacted me through Facebook wanting to reconnect. We stopped speaking originally because while I mistakenly thought she was a close friend, she only ever called me when she needed a plus one for certain things her real friends didn’t feel like doing. I only realized this after she ghosted me once those specific events, such as the shows of bands we both liked, ceased. I accepted her invitation to meet for dinner because while she was pretty shallow, she could also be extremely amusing and fun to hang out with. My college years were a blast, and reading her friendly email I felt a rush of nostalgia. I also knew that I’d matured a lot in 20 years and hoped perhaps that she did too.

We ended up having a great time and she gushed about how wonderful it was to have me back in her life. She invited me to some shows and parties. I was having so much fun I ignored a red flag: she’d contacted me right after deciding to quit her 20 year drinking career. She was a successful, high-functioning alcoholic who was still friends with most of the people she preferred to me back in the day. Unlike me, they all drank like they were still in college. She vented about them sometimes and seemed to be realizing she had to ditch most of her friends if she was going to stay sober. Then after six months of fun, she stopped returning my calls and messages.

Upon checking her Facebook page weeks later I saw photos of her drinking with her drunkie friends again. I realized to my embarrassment that she’d been using me as a sober plus one and now that she was off the wagon she no longer needed my services. Just like the first time. 10 years after this second ghosting she’s still drinking. I was hurt but I learned my lesson regarding fun but shallow people and those newly on the wagon.

by Anonymousreply 34August 13, 2022 10:40 PM

R34, she'll probably be dead in 10 years so, in the end, you win.

by Anonymousreply 35August 13, 2022 10:48 PM

When a person demonstrates—especially more than once—that your time is unimportant to them, it means YOU are unimportant to them.

by Anonymousreply 36August 13, 2022 11:02 PM

My best friend in high school lost mislaid some cash when I visited his home. It wasn’t a lot of cash, but his parents were looking for it and he said it had been on the table before I arrived. He never directly accused me, but I understood that he was implying that I was a thief.

I never confronted him about it, but I did ghost him. I still wonder if he actually found the money and felt any guilt.

by Anonymousreply 37August 13, 2022 11:16 PM

I think I understand about the friend with cancer, etc. No, you don't abandon friends at their darkest hours. But some people have a, literally, unbelievable amount of drama in their lives. I think it's hidden depression. No, you don't abandon depressed friends, either. But if the "friend" is not honest about what's going on, cancelling over and over, then I have to move on.

by Anonymousreply 38August 13, 2022 11:25 PM

R37 All you did there was to make yourself look massively guilty.

by Anonymousreply 39August 13, 2022 11:40 PM

Just here to hop on the "R14 is a massive piece of shit" train. You are, R14. You are.

by Anonymousreply 40August 13, 2022 11:47 PM

R1 damn you're wicked, I like you.

This is what I should have done to the old HS friend who wanted to meet for a catch up after several years, and, after holding me captive me listening to her monologue about her boring straight life for an hour, went to the bathroom the second I took my turn to talk and said "well, I've been a little down lately, but I've been getting therapy..." It was mild-moderate situational depression, I wasn't fucking crazy or an Eeyore then or now.

Looking back, our entire friendship was one of convenience and necessity, and it was a waste of years of my life. We don't speak anymore, haven't since the aforementioned incident, but I still wish I'd gotten the last word. Oh, well.

by Anonymousreply 41August 14, 2022 12:01 AM

[quote] All you did there was to make yourself look massively guilty.

I don’t think so, r39. My former friend tried to keep our friendship going for months afterwards, but I kept my distance and responded with bland civility. I just stopped being free to meet up and took too long to respond to his calls, The friendship was over for me from the moment I felt the insinuation.

The fact that he tried to keep our friendship going makes me feel that the cash probably turned up, but of course I will never know for certain.

My friend was too young to hide his initial suspicion and I was too young to articulate my hurt at being the subject of suspicion. And that made our friendship a lost cause. Even if you are right and I did actually look guilty, the insinuation that I was a thief means that I really didn’t care what he thought of me: he had already thought the worst anyway and he couldn’t take it back.

by Anonymousreply 42August 14, 2022 12:19 AM

I mean, assuming the money didn't turn up, for you to ghost immediately because you knew they suspected you makes it look like you were trying to cover your tracks.

But anyway, it's done now!

by Anonymousreply 43August 14, 2022 12:37 AM

R37/R42 in my experience, when someone accuses you of something or assumes you did something, it's because they've done it themselves. Projection.

by Anonymousreply 44August 14, 2022 12:40 AM

It has been my experience that most friendships are very imbalanced, meaning one person believes they are a better friend to the second than the second is to them. sometimes this is very true but sometimes two people just have different definitions of what friendship is.

It has also been my experience that a lot of us keep some friendships around out of habit or longevity or nostalgia.

Here are three stories:

One: I grew up next door to someone my age who I went to school K-12 with and then we both lived in NYC. 10 years ago—after 35 years of friendship—I realized I no longer liked her and nostalgia wasn’t worth it. I basically broke up with her. Sometimes I think about getting back in touch with her but then I stop myself because I know she hasn’t changed.

by Anonymousreply 45August 14, 2022 4:21 AM

Two: I also had a friend who I now believe was a true borderline personality. I was always bending over backwards for her…while she did a series of increasingly shitty things to me. With her, I let the friendship fade away. Every few years she sends me an instant message on Facebook and I never answer. It’s very seductive to think about being friends with her because we had crazy fun and wild times but the downside where she becomes terrible to me is not worth it.

by Anonymousreply 46August 14, 2022 4:21 AM

Three: One of the hardest to explain is a friend I have had since we were 18 (36 years ago). She is a classic case of a friend who becomes very scarce once they have a boyfriend or a husband or other major interests. But I always kept on top of things with her and kept it going.

We live on opposite coasts and five years ago her boyfriend dumped her and she started leaning on me again. Then four years ago she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She’s responding very well to treatment but the likelihood of her living another 10 years is low.

3 years ago I had a business trip to California and managed to arrange it so that I could spend an entire day with her. During and after the trip she began passive aggressively commenting about how I should have spent more time with her during my trip. She also began asking me to FaceTime with her which I really don’t like to do.

So she asked me to download this Marco Polo app which is basically leaving video monologue for each other. We did that about once a week for six months. We also spoke on the phone every couple of months, but when you speak on the phone with her it’s two hours. And I just don’t have two hour stretches.

So I began texting with her more and she began telling me about how she doesn’t like texting. Then, two times over six months she asked me the same question: if I would do a standing phone call with her every two weeks on a weeknight. It’s not something I wanted to do but I asked her what time she had in mind (because I could possibly swing daytime because I work from home) and she actually wanted to do this at what would’ve been 9:00 - 10:00 pm my time. Keep in mind she doesn’t work. All she does is take care of herself and try to get better. I explained to her that my husband is home at night and I like to spend time with him but it fell on deaf ears and she asked me to think about it. Both times I very directly got back to her and said it wasn’t going to work for me.

Soon she began telling me that my Marco Polo messages to her were too long and she didn’t have time to listen to them. I didn’t even want to be doing these Marco Polo messages but it was evident she was just being passive aggressively bitchy with me because I hadn’t agreed to do a regular call with her .

We then had a long phone call last December and—for the third time that year—she asked me to do a regular phone call with her every two weeks at the same time of night.

She posed the question is if she had never asked it to me before. I started to tell her (for the third time) why that didn’t work for me but she cut me off and said “you can just think about it and get back to me.”

That was last December and I never got back to her. We have not spoken or texted or had any social media interactions since. She is extremely manipulative and very clearly wants things 100% her way and is unwilling to compromise in any manner. The selfishness was always there with her but now she has the self righteousness that comes along with the cancer diagnosis.

Honestly, I feel nothing for her…no emotions whatsoever except a sense of relief at not having to deal with her bullshit any more.

by Anonymousreply 47August 14, 2022 4:23 AM

What happened w/ Friend #1?

question is for R45

by Anonymousreply 48August 14, 2022 4:28 AM

#47, I bet she doesn't have cancer.

by Anonymousreply 49August 14, 2022 4:43 AM

[quote] now she has the self righteousness that comes along with the cancer diagnosis.

Yikes you’re fucking nuts.

by Anonymousreply 50August 14, 2022 4:52 AM

It was a pattern of little slights that caused me to end some friendships. A little dig now and then and you don’t think twice about it, but when it happens again and again — needling, nasty little remarks about your weight, your clothes, your appearance, your family, your social class, whatever — you can no longer accept it. I don’t behave like that, and, in my universe, a friend does not behave like that. Good riddance.

by Anonymousreply 51August 14, 2022 5:55 AM

I was friends with this guy before, but he was constantly gaslighting me and kicking me when I was down. There was a time when my life was in a bit of turmoil. Years back, I left my job to finish my undergrad degree, and then I relocated with my partner to the opposite coast. And I became friends with this guy, and he was just constantly taking jabs at me, and always talking like he was smarter than me. But the guy was fat and ugly, and had a nose as wide as my ball sac. And he was about 40 years old at that point and still living with his parents. And at a certain point I just said “fuck this loser.” And now I hang out with much nicer (and much better looking) people.

by Anonymousreply 52August 14, 2022 6:02 AM

I moved an reconnected with a college friend recently. We hung out ad had fun a couple times. Then she invited me to a couple events and bailed the day before. This was like 2 weeks in a row. She found something/someone better to do these things with. I did not wail or complain; I blocked her number.

by Anonymousreply 53August 14, 2022 6:15 AM

Whenever there are threads like this, it's always about straight women treating gay men as if their lives/relationships/time are of inferior value. Even when the woman is single and the gay friend isn't; even if the woman doesn't have a lot of commitments and the gay man does. There's a certain amount of prejudice there.

by Anonymousreply 54August 14, 2022 8:58 AM

R50 Why?

She’s always been an utter narcissist and is now using her diagnosis to get things exactly her way.

Back when we were speaking, she told me about a mutual friend who she was upset with because she hadn’t been calling enough. I said, “well I know her mother is very ill/dying and she’s handling everything alone.” (Her mother had Lewy body Dementia and soon died.) She said, “I know, but she’s not being my friend when I need her.”

She then casually mentioned that this same mutual friend had gone out to California two years before, and stayed with her before, during, and after her surgery! Helping her, driving her, getting her prescriptions filled, etc. I was shocked. I said “you can’t think someone is not your friend when they did that for you.”

This is a juvenile woman in her 50s who has never been able to maintain long term friendships or romantic relationships unless people do things her way. As people get older, they have new and different responsibilities…but she and her expectations remain the same…now amplified by her cancer.

by Anonymousreply 55August 14, 2022 12:45 PM

I became friends with someone I met at a training program. He was fun and charismatic and we had the same sense of humor and interests and liked clubbing. We were close friends for a while before it became clear what an ass he was. Once when an old friend came to visit and stayed with me, the new friend was jealous and treated him rudely. Some time later, when the new friend became friends with someone who could get him into clubs for free and provided other stuff for free, he'd cancel meet-ups at short notice or continually push back going-out times (often with made-up excuses) until I ended up having to go out on my own. I finally realized how shallow he was and that he couldn't provide real friendship and dropped him.

We still have mutual friends, so I knew he was hurt at the beginning, but I didn't care. Over the years I hear from them about his various travails and minor celebrity in our small pond and am glad to be rid of him and his drama.

by Anonymousreply 56August 14, 2022 12:53 PM

OP-- if this guy is a good friend, why didn't you call him up after the first incident and tell him that you thought what he did was bullshit, that you only went because he'd invited you and it was uncool not to let you know in advance that he was not showing up.

OTOH, if he's not really a good friend, it's as good a sign as any that he's a flake and deal with it, assume that he's not going to show up at places he says he will and stop getting annoyed about it. Or, if you can't handle people like that, stop hanging out with him.

In the second instance, why didn't you just show up for the dinner at the appointed time. Tell the hosts your friend is going to be late and then meet some new people. That's what your goal was--to make new friends.

TBH, it sounds like you want this guy to be your boyfriend, not just a friend.

by Anonymousreply 57August 14, 2022 1:08 PM

My dog just died the day prior and one of our friends called to ask if he could come over to visit for the weekend. I told him I wasn’t really in the mood for company and suggested for him to come another time. He told me it wasn't “that serious”, to cheer up and just get another dog. I told him to get fucked and haven’t talked to him since then.

by Anonymousreply 58August 14, 2022 1:20 PM

Yes, R54. It’s the same reason many of us end up as the sole parental caregiver among our siblings. Once someone decides you’re the helper friend (never the helpee) or the family mule, they refuse to see you any other way. It often happens gradually, without you noticing it, because the grooming starts when you are young. Eventually they cross a line and you realize the cruelty and abnormality of the relationship dynamic. They're never grateful for what you do for them, because they simply see it as their due. The fact that you're a person with the same needs isn't real to them. It’s still amazing how offended people are when you finally realize you are free to chart the course of your own life. How very dare you!

by Anonymousreply 59August 14, 2022 1:32 PM

R32 He sent me a photo of a close-up of an anus at 7:30 in the morning with the message "Does it look like he has anal warts? I figured you would know.

Oh god.

by Anonymousreply 60August 14, 2022 2:05 PM

R48 this is a two parter:

She had a bad trait of saying things and not doing them. I was friends with her for 35 years so there were dozens of examples. A few that come to mind:

1-We went to visit a very good friend who had had a baby. At our friend’s house, she kept saying to her, “I’m going to send you a gift.” She never did.

2-She insisted she was going to drive up (2+ hours) to go to my father-in-law’s funeral in New England.It would have been completely unnecessary but she insisted. She did not.

3-She knew my parents very well and my parents loved her. They lived near one another and for ten years she said to me “I’m going to call/visit your parents” or “take your parents to lunch.” She never did.

4-At my wedding, she became enamored at the concept of giving me a sort-of bachelor party (of course this would be after the wedding.) She wanted to rent a stretch limousine and take me and a few of the people she had reunited with at my wedding out for a night on the town. A friend of ours who she enlisted to co-host / co pay for this idiotic post-wedding bachelor party/dinner said to me “you know this is like everything else with her and she’ll never do it.” I then decided to see this one through to the end.

Although this “party” was ostensibly for me, it was clear she wanted to do it her way and control the guest list. Again, this was for 5-6 people, two of whom were mothers of young children and I doubted would be able to go. She also wanted it to happen fast and I would not be able to do it for at least a month.

The other friend (the one she enlisted to co-host) came up with a list of venues for me to review and I sent her my guest list. (Maybe 6 people on the list.) All this time I suspected it would not happen, but I still wanted it to. Ultimately, it was a nice idea.

When I spoke to my friend on the phone to discuss this party and dates for it…the excuses from her began:

“So much time will have gone by since your wedding. It wouldn’t really be the same any more. Do you really still want to do this?” The proposed date was about 3 months after my wedding. I said “yes, I still want to do this. People also need time to hold the date.” So, we got off the phone unresolved. .

But then the next day she got out the big guns and left me a voice mail. “The other thing is, don’t say anything to her, but Lauren (co-host) is not doing well financially and I don’t want to put this burden on her to co-pay with me.” Not “maybe we can find an evening less expensive, no limousine, a less expensive venue.” But just “let’s not have it.”

Also, Lauren was an independent contractor but as far as I knew she was not having financial difficulties. Had she been she would not have agreed to cohost. She was a very direct person.

by Anonymousreply 61August 14, 2022 2:18 PM

R48 It became clear to me then that my friend had been been caught up in the moment and just blurted this idea out at my wedding without any thought. If we had all agreed to do this the night after my wedding it might have happened but once it was explored, it died.

This behavior (saying she was going to do some thing no one asked her to do in the first place) was a pattern for her that everyone tolerated and no one ever called her bluff on.

So she would come out of this smelling like a rose to herself, thinking she was such a great person for offering to do this but the other person didn’t want to do it. She has absolutely not a bit of self-awareness.

I mentioned what she had said to Lauren (about Lauren having financial difficulties) and she hit the roof. She was not and she resented being used as an excuse. I didn’t give a shit that our friend had said “don’t say anything to her” because I knew she was just making it up as an excuse to wriggle out of the party.

So Lauren and I decided to act like I had offered to give Lauren money out of concern for her. Lauren then said to her “you’re telling him I’m broke?” She DENIED saying this to me.

At this point I knew the friendship was circling the drain and I didn’t give a shit so I went and played Lauren the voicemail and let her hear it herself.

I don’t regret it. Not surprisingly my friend decided to turn this into a breach of trust because she had left me a voicemail I played for somebody else. But meanwhile she said I must have misunderstood her (aka lied) about it!

We did speak on the phone and I did apologize for that. And it was a real apology—for that. Part of me regrets playing a message intended for me for somebody else… but I was also defending myself.

As far as her role, she never apologized for the fiasco with this party. Again I believe she has zero self-awareness. We decided to take a break from one another. And it’s been 10 years and counting.

Occasionally I miss her, I miss the nostalgia. I don’t think this friendship would have been able to fade naturally. She wouldn’t have let that happen. There needed to be a catalyst. And the bottom line is that friendship with her was burdensome and one-sided.

by Anonymousreply 62August 14, 2022 2:19 PM

One of my best friends in high school used to fuck every boy she knew I liked. Never mind that I am hay and didn’t stand a chance with them. It is just the principal. She did it to hurt me.

by Anonymousreply 63August 14, 2022 2:20 PM

**Gay

by Anonymousreply 64August 14, 2022 2:21 PM

Lots of stuffy, uptight queens with simple straight girl friends on this thread. As well as basic, dull as dishwater drama. Let’s hear some REAL stories!

by Anonymousreply 65August 14, 2022 2:24 PM

"Never mind that I am gay and didn’t stand a chance with them. It is just the principal. "

She fucked the principal? I hope he was old and ugly.

by Anonymousreply 66August 14, 2022 2:26 PM

I joined a small group of friends who liked to party and were fun although I didn't know why I always felt something was "off" on occasions. Anyway, one day I was invited to one of their homes for drinks and as I rang the bell I could see and hear them talking about me as they viewed me through the window. What they said about me cut me to the core. I was invited in and they all acted normally as if they were pleased to see me. After a few minutes I made some vague excuse about forgetting to turn something off and left. I was mortally offended by them but learned a very good lesson. Trust your instincts. I became much more choosy who I spent my time with after that day. I still run into them now and again and they always try and invite me over but I never go. I heard from other friends that they think I have become strange and distant, but they don't understand that I woke up!

by Anonymousreply 67August 14, 2022 2:27 PM

R65 Yeah, like R32’s story. What was the aftermath? Did you confront their borish anal wart text at the yacht club the next day? How common! Did you uninvite them from your wedding?

by Anonymousreply 68August 14, 2022 2:28 PM

Lots of ping pong balls being stepped on in these stories.

by Anonymousreply 69August 14, 2022 2:29 PM

R19 WTF?!?! What kind of world do you live in where this is a thing?

by Anonymousreply 70August 14, 2022 2:30 PM

I'm the one who moved above and reconnected with the college friend.

I remembered she did this in college too to everyone. Always something "better" if she could find it.

Sometimes it was dick. lol

by Anonymousreply 71August 14, 2022 2:31 PM

[quote]Lots of stuffy, uptight queens with simple straight girl friends on this thread. As well as basic, dull as dishwater drama. Let’s hear some REAL stories!

My friend let me take the fall for his drug muling in Nicaragua. I did ten years and had many lovers in the penitentiary, including a cartel don. He killed my friend for me as revenge.

by Anonymousreply 72August 14, 2022 2:35 PM

I have a “friend” who suddenly started doing business with my long time ex boyfriend. I confided in her the grief I was going through during the breakup and how I wished I had it all to do over again, etc. Anyway, as she begins to spend more time with him, I notice his influence on her such as movie choices she likely wouldn’t have chosen prior to knowing him and wanting to travel to destinations and points of interest he and I liked and went to together. It bothers me deep inside but I want to be objective and not come off being overly sensitive. She’s a long time friend and has been there for me many times when I needed her. Hoping this is just a phase and will change.

by Anonymousreply 73August 14, 2022 2:36 PM

R73 By doing business do you mean she's fucking him?

by Anonymousreply 74August 14, 2022 2:38 PM

R72 Ones like that. Thank you!

by Anonymousreply 75August 14, 2022 2:39 PM

Learn to let go...especially people who hurt you and never seek revenge.

by Anonymousreply 76August 14, 2022 2:49 PM

I had a friend that I had been pretty close to for more than ten years. We traveled together, lots of common interests, she met her future very wealthy husband and it all changed...not that unexpected. We gradually became less close, one day we were having lunch and she kind of blurted out "you really have no eyelashes" a complete non sequitur. I was having a one sided conversation while she studied my face, weird. Her life became all about having the right hand bag and traveling in the right circles...good riddance Shelly.

by Anonymousreply 77August 14, 2022 2:55 PM

I asked a newish friend if I could borrow his ladder once, and he said no, because he was too nervous something would happen to. I immediately stopped talking to him.

by Anonymousreply 78August 14, 2022 2:58 PM

R78 how utterly dumb

by Anonymousreply 79August 14, 2022 3:02 PM

R65 You mean like if Dawson invited you to his fifty load weekend and it turned out to be forty-five?

by Anonymousreply 80August 14, 2022 3:07 PM

He kept trying to set me up with his friend, who I had met and wasn't attracted to, and insisted that the three of us go to lunch...at The Cheesecake Factory! I didn't want to come out and say that no, I'm not interested in your fat Asian friend and I don't eat at chain restaurants so I just ghosted him.

by Anonymousreply 81August 14, 2022 3:10 PM

not p.f. chang's?

by Anonymousreply 82August 14, 2022 3:12 PM

R78 When my family moved to a house in the burbs a majorvwater pipe on our property burst on a Sunday during the first frost. The plumber dug up our yard and said “ask one of your neighbors if you can run a hose from their house to your and let the water run over the exposed pipe until tomorrow when I can get back here and do what I need to do. If you don’t, you could have a real catastrophe on your hands.” I forget the mechanical reason why, but the first neighbor my father asked said “no.” He was afraid it would “affect his pipes.” A deeply stupid person. The other neighbor did it, no problem.

by Anonymousreply 83August 14, 2022 3:13 PM

R77 Been there, done that. So many people I have known and so many little digs.

I was with a friend once and my phone rang. I had a brief conversation and when I hung up my friend said to me “You know you really sound kind of stupid on the phone.” They love to say things with a giggle or a laugh like it’s going to lessen the impact of what they’re saying and it’s all in good fun.

I don’t know what it is but so many of these people—some gay men but almost always straight women—try to break us.

So yea, fuck Shelly.

by Anonymousreply 84August 14, 2022 3:28 PM

R80 so witty

by Anonymousreply 85August 14, 2022 3:52 PM

A friend has started drinking again and it’s difficult to socialize with him, but I don’t want to cut him off. A few years ago he was depressed and drinking heavily and I did my best to be there for him because I was worried he might harm himself. Now it’s started again and it’s clear that my function is to sit there and make sympathetic noises while he pours booze down his throat, complains about everything and everyone, and behaves obnoxiously, including to me. (But he thinks he’s being cute and clever.) He’s a good friend when he’s not in one of these depressive phases, so I’m trying to hang in there and help. But it’s hard.

by Anonymousreply 86August 14, 2022 3:53 PM

R86 Its not a friend he needs but AA.

by Anonymousreply 87August 14, 2022 3:56 PM

Is this an “I want to be underwhelmed” thread? You’re slipping DL…

by Anonymousreply 88August 14, 2022 4:05 PM

Yeah, I know r87. He needs help I can’t give and can’t make him get.

by Anonymousreply 89August 14, 2022 4:11 PM

R89 Make sure you look after yourself as Alcoholics tend to drain everything and everyone.

by Anonymousreply 90August 14, 2022 4:14 PM

R85 like your dazzling retort?

by Anonymousreply 91August 14, 2022 4:18 PM

I have a friend with autism that will constantly lies about things that happened to them to create sympathy and then I'll learn it didn't exactly happen that way at all. Then they say it's rude for me call them out and that it doesn't need to be a big thing: it's all very manipulative and disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 92August 14, 2022 4:25 PM

Two friends who I had known for years were invited to my 40th birthday party. They accepted and then two days before said they couldn't make it as they were going to Vegas (they go to Vegas a lot so they could go any time).

by Anonymousreply 93August 14, 2022 4:35 PM

R93 Think that tells you what you have always known....say Bye Bye!

by Anonymousreply 94August 14, 2022 4:39 PM

Good friends from college would constantly cancel plans with me at the last minute if something better came along. Something better meaning invited to someone's parents' beach house or lake cabin, etc. They wouldn't explicitly cancel either, I would find out the day of our plans. They were also disrespectful of my belongings and broke things (furniture, home objects) or borrowed and lost (books, record albums, cassettes - yes I am old.) A few years out of school I finally cut them off.

by Anonymousreply 95August 14, 2022 5:00 PM

[quote] They love to say things with a giggle or a laugh like it’s going to lessen the impact of what they’re saying and it’s all in good fun. I don’t know what it is but so many of these people—some gay men but almost always straight women—try to break us.

R84 I'm a lesbian, and I too have both experienced and witnessed this behaviour from both gay men and straight women, usually the middle-aged aspirant crowd as you say. Maybe those who've got too comfortable and too distant from the popu up in their ivory McMansions lose some of their ability to relate.

My grandmother is awful with the backhanded tittering, as you describe. She's a UMC manipulator, who makes constant bitchy, niggly, judgemental and whiny little remarks about how low-rent everyone is, as well as heavy-handed hints about the ways she wants to be served like a Dowager Empress, all the while giggling behind her crone hands like a little schoolgirl. It's infuriating. Even worse when she's sauced on wine, When confronted on it (we've only tried it a few times), she runs off literally crying floods and wailing like a child. She refuses to--is unable to take the slightest bit of criticism in return.

And it's not just senility either, though I'm sure being 85 and counting has made her worse. She's been a snob and a heartless narcissist for decades, as long as I've been alive. 90% of her family emigrated and raised their families abroad just to get away from her. I don't wish suffering or loneliness or anything horrible on her (not on anyone, I need the good karma only), but I'm probably not gonna shed a tear when she dies, whether that's soon or many years.

by Anonymousreply 96August 14, 2022 5:13 PM

R81 is my favorite story in this thread

by Anonymousreply 97August 14, 2022 5:31 PM

i never understood why people take birthdays soooooo seriously. all of the people i've lnown in my life who use their birthday to get everything special have always been insufferable attention whores. i could care less about my birthday. foolishness.

and i hate when people say this would be elvis' 103rd birthday! NO IT WOULDN'T HE'S DEAD!

by Anonymousreply 98August 14, 2022 5:40 PM

I had a female friend move in with my ex without telling me. Neither of them did.

I had another female friend who I covered money-wise in many things. She tried to sleep with me while we were both drunk once. Shortly after that, she met, essentially a straight version of me and stopped returning my calls.and replying to my texts.

The bitch owed me money that I'd loaned her for rent too.

by Anonymousreply 99August 14, 2022 5:47 PM

R95 those are roommates. A friend is different

by Anonymousreply 100August 14, 2022 6:38 PM

Why r97. Did you post it? Did you do date an ugly fat person?

by Anonymousreply 101August 14, 2022 6:40 PM

A lot of these posts are coming from people with a chip on their shoulder, who need therapy and have no idea what a friendship consists of.

by Anonymousreply 102August 14, 2022 6:41 PM

Do tell us oh enlightened cunt r102.

by Anonymousreply 103August 14, 2022 6:56 PM

You need to get a grip on reality! Just because someone you perceive as being a friend looks at you the wrong way or does something that may not have been intentional, you mark them unforgivable. We all make mistakes, troll. Stop sitting in your dirty house with a permanent score card in your hand and get a clue!

by Anonymousreply 104August 14, 2022 7:01 PM

That's what friends are for!

by Anonymousreply 105August 14, 2022 7:11 PM

Refusing to fuck. If I get a wild hair and decide I want to fuck one of my friends and they reject me, I lose interest in the friendship and doubt that they were ever really my friend at all.

by Anonymousreply 106August 14, 2022 7:15 PM

Dionne is a shit friend. You don’t ever see anyone (anymore) saying what a good friend she is. If they’re not dead.

by Anonymousreply 107August 14, 2022 7:17 PM

R106 really? It's the total opposite for me.

Example--one of my wilder high-school friends, a bipolar/manic bisexual polyamorous rich girl (she'd attempted suicide at least three times during the period I knew her), decided one day in our final year that she wanted, at a home-alone sleepover, to get high then hook up with me and another of our mutual friends (we were all girls). Like some kind of amateur p0rn schoolgirl three-way.

Though I myself prefer women and I don't mind a few soft easy hits on a joint in social settings, I freaked out, because at that point a) I was not Out even to myself, nor really comfortable with any intimacy or sexual contact when sober, let alone coked up; b) I wasn't attracted to either of my friends--I count people as my friends and not my lovers for a reason, and; c) the host girl already had an official girlfriend, a troubled classmate of ours who, though she wasn't really my friend, I actually liked and didn't want to hurt.

So I said, "thanks, but no, thanks, let's maybe just make cocktails and watch a classic movie on your parents' home cinema, huh?". She got bitchy about my refusal for a whole hour, making fun of me for being frigid or a prude or whatever. Then when she got bored of roasting me, without warning she just dragged our other slightly-younger friend (a more passive, people-pleasing, trendy LUG type who wanted to impress--now a boring suburban hetero-wife/cubefrau with whom I have severed ties) up to the basement, presumably to eat some tictacs and fuck through a comedown.

Meanwhile, I was just left there, in a cold draughty unfamiliar and enormous bedroom in the early hours, to either sleep by myself or watch TV or somehow amuse myself. I decided to stay up until dawn reading one of her books while ignoring the squealing and moaning upstairs, then when it was light enough that traffic was starting up, let myself out of the house early to catch a bus without so much as saying "bye, I'm headed home". Looking back, I should at least have raided the massive fridge of expensive food, or rooted through her clothes (nicer than mine), or stolen one of her gorgeous hardback novels (she was a brilliantly smart girl, with eclectic tastes, and her parents had countless stunning shelves).

We only had a few months left of school after that, and all three of us naturally disengaged and distanced to hang out with other people during that time. It had become clear that our friendship wasn't as strong or meaningful as we'd assumed, and anyway things were awkward from that point on. I suspect one or both of them spread rumours about me after that night, too, because I started getting even weirder looks than usual from our classmates around campus (I had always been a Krelboyne) and got disinvited from a couple parties. Oh well, I fucking hated school anyway.

by Anonymousreply 108August 14, 2022 7:38 PM

And the only thing worse than all these stories combined is when you substitute the word "friend" with "family." True courage, conviction, and character is the ability to completely disconnect from the toxic, imperialist, condescending, self-righteous cretins with whom we unfortunately share blood.

by Anonymousreply 109August 14, 2022 7:38 PM

R100, no they weren't roommates but when they came over they would borrow things and not return or play with something and break it. I.e., like rocking back and forth in a wood chair that was not a rocking chair and break it. I had this door hanging a Vietnamese friend gave me that was made of silk cord and stone circles - it looked cool and one friend used to constantly swing it around until she dropped and it broke. When you're young you don't have many possessions or much money so it was irritating.

by Anonymousreply 110August 14, 2022 7:43 PM

We (3) had tickets to an event. Then the other two couldn’t go - fine; we bought tixs way in advance - it happens. Because it was sold out we decided to re-sell tixs on stub-hub. One of the two was doing the selling. It was a lie. One friend had a buddy coming to town the event weekend & they all went to said event. . The two friends posted pics on social media of the event but blocked me from seeing them. I had no clue. I was told the tickets didn’t sell. Didn’t think anything of it. Later, at a party , the event was mentioned by someone else. They loved the outfits, it looked fun. The one with the visiting friend said she really wanted her friend to go but the event was sold out & ‘made a bad decision’ coming up with that skeem. This never happened to me before. Knew them forever. The two were faded from our group because it was cruel and off putting. Now & again i run into them on the street. I say hello. Move on. It hurt & it was bizzare.

by Anonymousreply 111August 14, 2022 8:29 PM

UMC manipulator

What the hell is that, R96?

by Anonymousreply 112August 14, 2022 8:46 PM

R108 do you know the expression "diarrhea of the keyboard?" You have it.

by Anonymousreply 113August 14, 2022 8:50 PM

R111 bizarre -oops!

by Anonymousreply 114August 14, 2022 8:51 PM

OP how long ya got, bud?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 115August 14, 2022 9:02 PM

So many TL;DR posts in this thread.

And, of course, I didn't read them all.

by Anonymousreply 116August 14, 2022 9:15 PM

NBGAF, r116.

by Anonymousreply 117August 14, 2022 9:18 PM

R27 is the definition of a narcissist. Gotta love the friend who cut someone off after a mastectomy that they term a "breast cancer scare." Um, finding a lump and it turning out to be benign is a "scare." Getting a mastectomy? That IS cancer, you fucking tool.

by Anonymousreply 118August 14, 2022 9:22 PM

R14 is a sociopath.

by Anonymousreply 119August 14, 2022 9:45 PM

BEWARE of the old high school/college friends that want to "reconnect" years later - there's always a viper or two in the bunch with some hidden revenge agenda that you may not even realize exists. A (former) friend of mine since high school (35 years ago!) was always talking about wanting to go to London but couldn't begin to afford it (she was divorced, several kids). Then all of a sudden she starts talking about how she thinks her oldest son Zach, who was doing well and who traveled pretty extensively with his gf, was planning to buy her a ticket for her birthday. She told me a few weeks before her birthday Zach had told her to "have her passport ready." So the day after her birthday I called her; she told me that Zach had in fact bought her a ticket - I was thrilled for her. Then I asked her how they were going to handle rooms on the trip - whether she's have her own room or share with Zach and his gf. She began hemming and hawing and eventually admitted that she was going on the trip with three other girls from our high school class, and that they'd been planning it for some time to "celebrate our class reunion."

I was stunned that she had lied to me like this - bear in mind, I had already been to London some years before, and I wouldn't have gone along if they had asked me (my passport was expired and at the time I had a very busy work schedule). If she had told me from the outset that she was going with the three others, I honestly would not have cared - (AND I was planning to give her $500 as a gift myself!!) Instead I just hung up the phone and we have never spoken again. She never once attempted to apologize or contact me either. I had this woman listed in my fucking WILL, with a financial bequest as well as several items earmarked for her - needless to say, that changed pronto.

To this day I have no idea why she felt the need to deceive me in this way - I had no problem or jealousy issues with the other three, and I was just happy to see her finally get to go on her trip to London. I was surprised how quickly I got over it and how little of a hole it has left in my life.

by Anonymousreply 120August 14, 2022 9:45 PM

Shove your godamned acronyms up your fuckin ass!

SIUYFA

by Anonymousreply 121August 14, 2022 9:50 PM

NGAF, r121.

by Anonymousreply 122August 14, 2022 9:55 PM

R111 That sucks. It's for the best you dumped those friends. What assholes.

by Anonymousreply 123August 14, 2022 9:59 PM

OP as if any of us jackals posting actually have real friends. Why would we come here so often and participate in this circus if we did?

by Anonymousreply 124August 14, 2022 10:01 PM

R72 = No Ho Hank!

by Anonymousreply 125August 14, 2022 10:03 PM

The adult children of doctors and dentists…I have bad luck a few times. Imagine people in the 30s and 40s throwing tantrums, arrested development, expecting things to go exactly their way, huge shit talkers. I have had four friends that meet this pattern

by Anonymousreply 126August 14, 2022 10:04 PM

* Adult children of dentists or psychiatrists that I have met are among the most spoiled and fucked up

by Anonymousreply 127August 14, 2022 10:07 PM

Friends who are constantly pursuing your ex-lovers for either romantic or platonic relationships, or trying to be their roommates. It's mildly incestuous.

by Anonymousreply 128August 14, 2022 10:08 PM

Friends who copy you or become competitive one-uppers like Gwyneth copied Madonna. At first it's flattering but then it becomes annoying.

by Anonymousreply 129August 14, 2022 10:13 PM

R120 You must learn brevity, dear.

by Anonymousreply 130August 14, 2022 10:15 PM

R129 my straight Zillennial sister has a friend (well, it's one-sided, my sister doesn't like her that much) who's been all but Straight White Female-ing her for the last eight years. This girl copies what my sister wears, gets the same hobbies, listens to the same playlists, shows up to the same restaurants sometimes. And she cannot take a hint, either. No matter how much my sister distances or cuts contact or ignores her, she worms her way back in. To get rid of this pest, my sister would have to either go underground/off-grid, or never speak to any of her College friends again.

by Anonymousreply 131August 14, 2022 10:19 PM

Some of you have some absolute CRETINS for friends, and it's disgusting.

Also, a lot of you are pathetic storytellers, or have shitty grammar altogether. And that's even worse.

Are you drunk? Do your fingers have the numb-ies from all the mystery pills you popped last night? Or are you just all soft in the think-meats? I can barely read half of this shit, and the sensible posts sound way too trashy and childish to count as "adult friendships gone awry."

by Anonymousreply 132August 14, 2022 10:22 PM

IDGAF, r132.

by Anonymousreply 133August 14, 2022 10:24 PM

You gotta love these posts that go on for eleven paragraphs about how someone else was a bad person for needing too much attention.

by Anonymousreply 134August 14, 2022 10:24 PM

R134 I skip right over them like a ballot measure to raise pay for schoolteachers.

"Blah-blah-blah, your life is shit. Let's move on already!"

by Anonymousreply 135August 14, 2022 10:26 PM

R132 Your writing skills are atrocious, but I still agree with your (buried) point.

by Anonymousreply 136August 14, 2022 10:30 PM

A couple of years ago, my cousins and I each got some cash because grandmother died. I treated an old friend to dinner at a fine dining restaurant (a place that she liked, not a place where I would normally go). Surprisingly, I liked my meal a lot. Friend said the dinner was just okay due to the restaurant is no longer that "special" to her. (It was a hot place when it first opened.) She didn't complain about the food or the service.

by Anonymousreply 137August 14, 2022 10:31 PM

R137 Wow, that is wild

by Anonymousreply 138August 14, 2022 10:34 PM

r137, You should consider therapy, that kind of trauma is difficult to process.

by Anonymousreply 139August 14, 2022 10:37 PM

R137 How did you even survive that night?!?!?!

The Horror!

by Anonymousreply 140August 14, 2022 10:59 PM

R137 what color was your stool after your meal?

by Anonymousreply 141August 14, 2022 11:13 PM

R72 Thank you. I needed a good laugh today.

by Anonymousreply 142August 14, 2022 11:59 PM

The people talking about dumping a friend after a cancer diagnosis are really telling on themselves.

by Anonymousreply 143August 15, 2022 12:56 AM

R143

Not my fuckin' fault if they all kept lying about their cancer diagnoses for attention!

I stuck with them for the first few lies, but after my third time meeting Rip Taylor with the low-rent, all-gay Land A Dream Foundation, I just couldn't take the fraud anymore! I wheeled Doug and Ronnie back to the Days Inn and dumped them by the Coke machine. I had to get out of there, and cut the poison out of my life!

by Anonymousreply 144August 15, 2022 1:19 AM

Wow. I have never had this kind of problem with friends. I always took a long time to let anyone in my life that I would consider a friend. But I don't usually expect much from acquaintances and most are acquaintances. I have one truly great friend I have known for 40 years. We started as work friends but it became a close friendship and we have always been there for each other. The weird thing is she and I are as opposite as two people can be. She is a Christian and I am an atheist. She is anti-choice and I am pro-choice. She voted for trump. That was a hard one for me but our friendship never had much to do with world events and I would not give up a true friend for politics, especially trump. She is the wittiest person I have ever met and she always makes me laugh. I think laughter is what keeps us, friends. I know she would do anything for me and I would do anything for her. the person up a thread that said know the difference between friends and acquaintances is right.

by Anonymousreply 145August 15, 2022 1:34 AM

R108, at least she got some from one of you.

by Anonymousreply 146August 15, 2022 3:04 AM

Dear People Who Dislike This Topic And The Posters Posting In This Thread,

You don't actually have to be here. You don't have to read these posts. No matter how awful you think anyone posting here is, you come off as worse by choosing to be here complaining.

by Anonymousreply 147August 15, 2022 3:04 AM

20 year friendship, former roommates,...the day before my father's calling hours I get a call from him saying he is on his way to Maine for the weekend and that I really didn't need him to attend the calling hours did I? The list is long with this one, from asking me to leave after two days because he found out a straight biking friend was in town and he wanted him to stay at his house...to canceling a vacation because he got a better offer...to telling me I shouldn't talk politics even if I am right, because I made his friend feel uncomfortable. I have been slapped so many times, but he was my first true gay friend...this summer I woke up.

by Anonymousreply 148August 15, 2022 3:18 AM

What the hell are "calling hours?"

by Anonymousreply 149August 15, 2022 3:29 AM

r149, You know nothing about whore house protocol?

by Anonymousreply 150August 15, 2022 3:45 AM

I didn't know either, R149, but then I typed it in to google and all the magic happened! You should try it.

by Anonymousreply 151August 15, 2022 3:55 AM

[quote]It was a pattern of little slights that caused me to end some friendships. A little dig now and then and you don’t think twice about it, but when it happens again and again...

I have a toxic friend like this who has slid into really nasty behavior over a long period of time. They used to be much less disagreeable, or maybe I was better at managing them. I finally see it clearly, but am having a hard time just saying, "I can't stand your company!"

by Anonymousreply 152August 15, 2022 4:50 AM

It's weird how some people get worse as they get older and others seem to chill out.

by Anonymousreply 153August 15, 2022 7:03 AM

I had a friend who used to share his "art" with me every day, which consisted of him standing on a sidewalk at a lake near his house and "spinning" - doing a 360 degree turn with his video camera. And that's it. Everyday I would get these 30-60 second video clips of a fairly blurry 360 degree spin. The first few times I tried to think of something nice to say (i.e. "I can tell you're enjoying this"), but after two weeks I ran out of generic things to say and just stopped commenting, not wanting to encourage it any longer. And then the passive-aggressive digs started coming, first in short texts, then phone calls, then every time we met for drinks or dinner. He never actually said it, but he was angry that I didn't support his artistic "vision." I hate passive-aggressive behavior but I didn't want to hurt his feelings or say anything mean, so I let his constant digs go on longer than I should have. Eventually I decided he's just flat out crazy and made myself unavailable to him.

by Anonymousreply 154August 15, 2022 7:04 AM

TEXTED. NOT TEXT.

by Anonymousreply 155August 15, 2022 7:33 PM

People who have no issue in taking their anger out on you. And/or people who can give criticsm but cannot take it.

by Anonymousreply 156August 15, 2022 9:08 PM

It can be challenging to be friends across cross large socio-economic class differences. If both sides are not on their toes to make it work, I question the friendship.

by Anonymousreply 157August 15, 2022 9:27 PM

While at Mizzou, a friend of me invited me to join him for a long weekend with his parents in Boulder, CO. I was excited about it, and I was packed and ready to go at the time he wanted to leave. I knocked on his door and when he opened it, he told me he wasn't taking me after all. Sorry. He closed the door.

I didn't bother to contact him ever again.

by Anonymousreply 158August 15, 2022 10:21 PM

When she hasn’t texted back in 2 weeks and then tells me she hasn’t read my texts when she finally calls me.

“I’ve just been so busy with work.”

Sure, Jan. No, you’re #2 on my list and I’m #20 on yours.

by Anonymousreply 159August 15, 2022 10:30 PM

If you are not religious and not having a funeral, at least in New England, you have calling hours...gives people time to pay their respect to you and your family over the death of a loved one.

Some people will have both a funeral and calling hours...maybe in some cases it could be called a wake...in my family we don't have any religious ceremonies at the calling hours.

One more interesting fact, neither of my grandparents had a wake, calling hours or funeral...and one only allowed a certain listed group of people to attend her burial.

now back to shitty friends

by Anonymousreply 160August 15, 2022 11:02 PM

One of my very best friends as a freshmen in college, later a famous countertenor who got in a lot of trouble, and I eventually grew apart, but there was no fight or anything. Then years later I requested him as a friend on Facebook and he declined! I mean, I saw that he was accepting other people, but not me. So after waiting quite a while, I sent him a very nasty message about how I knew him when he was fresh from sucking dicks at South Carolina truck stops in high school and how dare he not accept me as a friend now. That told him! He didn't respond.

by Anonymousreply 161August 15, 2022 11:05 PM

R157 I haven’t wanted to believe that one, but, I have recently experienced that it is true.

by Anonymousreply 162August 15, 2022 11:15 PM

My brother would always invite me to coffee and then not turn up for minimum 30 mins because he had to go shopping (he has a compulsive shopping problem and trawls second hand stores every day). The longest I waited was for almost 2 hours. Now I've made myself a rule - if he doesn't turn up after 15 minutes, I leave. It's just rude to stand someone up over and over and is impacted by how I feel about his compulsive shopping addiction. If it were a friend rather than my brother, I would question the friendship.

by Anonymousreply 163August 15, 2022 11:38 PM

He’s sick. You can’t expect different

by Anonymousreply 164August 15, 2022 11:59 PM

R161, you sound nuts.

by Anonymousreply 165August 16, 2022 12:56 AM

A good college friend of mine is now the head of a French luxury fashion corporation. This is 30 years ago. Then we hung out a bit at ski and beach resorts for a decade after college, every other year or so, but it just faded away. Now I'm a professor and last year I had a business student who is obsessed with this corporation so I had the idea to contact him via email to ask if he might have her meet the right person in his company who could offer her a summer internship. I got a read receipt and then nothing but my IP is blocked on all that corporation's websites.

by Anonymousreply 166August 16, 2022 1:04 AM

People with kids that talk about their kids to their childless friends.

If you don't realize how uninteresting and irrelevant such a topic is for me then you either don't care, or are a selfish cunt. My go-to response is to adopt a deadpan expression and say nothing, to the necessary point of uncomfortable silence, until they get the message. The longer the silence, the less likely they are to repeat that bullshit.

It's bad enough I have to hear this shit from family members.

by Anonymousreply 167August 16, 2022 1:04 AM

R167 And while we're on the subject, QUIT TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR DREAMS!

"Other people's dreams are like photographs: If I'm not in them, and no one's having great sex in them, then I'm not interested!"

by Anonymousreply 168August 16, 2022 1:13 AM

The two talked about how they really liked a certain TV game show. I mentioned that I had been on it. They went completely silent, no questions, nothing.

by Anonymousreply 169August 16, 2022 5:37 AM

R169. That’s total jealousy. And once you know people are jealous to the point where they can’t hide it, it’s important to keep a distance.

by Anonymousreply 170August 16, 2022 10:29 AM

I had a friend who I later realized was constantly operating in the background to put me down/undermine me etc to others in our mutual friend group. The group of us had developed from some volunteer work we all did. As she did this she, at the same time, was pushing a closer friendship with me one on one. I realize now it was because she wanted to be the centre of attention amongst a wider group of people and for whatever reason I somehow threatened that balance for her. I think she also might have been a borderline personality based on some additional things.

She had just finished doing something similar to another person when I arrived on the scene. Once I understood what was going on and the extent of it I walked away. I had other friends and she had, by that time worked so hard to split me away from the others, that I didn’t see anything worth keeping and don’t need that type of drama in my life.

It does suck when people are like this.

by Anonymousreply 171August 16, 2022 10:42 AM

R171 My sister has been doing the same to me my whole life. Can't have mutual friends/relatives or any living human being I meet and she gets to know because within days they are either ghosting me or treating me in a condescending way. Unfortunately, I can't 100% wipe her out of my life for reasons I don't want to get into here, but I will once it's all resolved.

by Anonymousreply 172August 16, 2022 6:40 PM

R59 Some people are really bad at setting boundaries. They create this dysfunctional relationship dynamic where they would do things for others nonreciprocally and even volunteer for it, and that would go on for months or even years, and then one day they have this psychotic breakdown or start ghosting people. Which is understandable, but they also refuse to accept that they are in any way responsible for that.

Anyway, I wanted to tell this story because I know a person who is very much the type that is described in many stories on this thread. She sets up social outings with people only to bail on them if a better option turns up, often last minute, she expects people around her do things for her in ways that go above and beyond friendship, etc. She is very charming though, and many people are quite taken with her, especially when they first meet her. However, after they spend some more time with her, they start to see her for what she is, and many end up avoiding her or cutting her off completely. Interestingly, it is usually people with similar tendencies for using people who dislike her the most. To her credit, she recognizes this about herself and tries to address it (or at least says so to keep people on her side). Apparently there is also some childhood trauma going on, abandonment issues, etc. Her solution? She prefers spending time with people she pays to. She says she cannot tell when she goes overboard with the things she demands of people, and this way at least she doesn’t feel guilty and does not have people flipping out on her. Also helps that she’s filthy rich, of course.

by Anonymousreply 173August 17, 2022 5:30 AM
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