Was your father affectionate towards you? Were you affectionate towards him?

"Thoughts?"

You're a heterosexual troll.

You asked.

I recently found out my dad is not my biological father. I still think of him as my read dad but there's now that option, as he's hot as fuck.

^^ classic Datalounge

And just like that, it became a pedophile thread.

I had a great dad - warm, wonderful funny man.

He died way too young (brain tumor).

Miss him lots.

Yes.

My dad's Italian, very huggy, kissy

My dad was also Italian, but not very touchy at all. More like Archie Bunker than anyone I knew. I think he loved me in his own way, but also could tell I was going to be gay. Resented me for a while, I lied to him one time about 16 for not taking his trash to the dump. I hated that place, he loved going there for some fucking reason. So I dumped it somewhere else and the guy who owned the land dug through and found the home address and called him to complain. He was pissed, and held a grudge for years. "you are not my son".

I did not want to be like him, looked to other males as roll models. He made my mom and sister pay for my college, he would not give a dime. I think finally the last year my mother forced him to come see me. He was really impressed with my school because they had a full on machine shop where the students had to make the products they designed. Took me to a fancy dinner, kind of got a little drunk, both had a good time. Probably the first time we connected. And the last as well. 😥

I know Dad loved me and my brother. He mostly came across as tired. Affectionate but exhausted. He kind of wanted to be left alone when he came home. Wasn't averse to us but was really fucking tired.

He perked up on the weekend. I had a really good dad.

I never met my biological father. I was told my step father was my father until I was 16 and wanted to get my driver's license. They were backed into a corner then because my birth certificate had my mother's maiden name instead of the name I had been going to school by my whole life. My bio father denied he was my father and his parents payed my mom $600 to get lost and she never saw him again. 50 years later through Ancestry I confirmed he really was my father. Mom's gone, bio dad is still alive in the same state as me. I have never even seen a photo of him. I should get over it but I never have. Me and my step father hated each other.

R10 you should try to connect with your bio father before he dies. I did that with an Aunt who hated my mother and refused to even let us kids in her house. Years later she found me some internet search, I too was holding a kind of grudge for the way she treated my mother. I put it off for a long, long time then got the word she was dying of cancer. Which I still didnt care. It's not like she stayed in touch with me in any way growing up. But I decided out of curiosity to bit. She got more out of it than I did finding out what I sounded like, and some kind of half assed death bed apology about how people do stupid things when they are young. But I am glad I did it anyways. She sent a few pics, I got to be the bigger man in the situation and the curiosity is behind me.

My late father was affectionate when I was a child, more than my mother. He was also protective. I have one sibling (my older brother) and I was my dad’s favorite, which isn’t a surprise because I was a good kid. I was easygoing and affectionate. My brother was not. He was aloof and often selfish.

By the time I was in my teens, he was no longer affectionate. I wasn’t a kid anymore in his eyes. He was also a bit disillusioned about life and dealing with a chronic illness. His medications made him cranky and more impatient. Plus, teenagers and their drama can test anyone’s patience. I did notice the absence of his affection at the time and on some level understood why, but I really missed the warm person he used to be.

I was in love with dad’s feet

Not at all. And he had a horrible temper.

Fun times!

My dad is Irish so no, not affectionate in the traditional sense. He's a very nice person though.

Wow, these threads always bring out the saddest stories. My heart really goes out to you guys 😢

[quote]I still think of him as my read dad

R2 is typing with one hand.

My dad was an outdoorsy, country type of guy, and we often didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, but he was always affectionate—hugs, kisses on the cheek, etc. -even toward the end when he had dementia and was in a care facility. He was never very affectionate with my two older brothers, even though they both had more in common with him.

I miss him.

No, my father wasn't affectionate but then I've never seen my parents hug, kiss (even peck on the cheek), hold hands, snuggle up on the couch. My father is a very emotionally stunted person.

"Same sex desire". I didn't know James Dobson posted on Datalounge. Don't feed the troll

My dad's a taciturn guy who often finds it hard to communicate, unless under some sort of stress. I think he has anxiety (all of us kids have it, so it would make sense), but he's a very kind man too, and everyone loves him. Sometimes I used to feel sad that we always had a bit of a wall between us, but nowadays I just creep up behind him and give him a big hug when I'm feeling like teasing him, and he always hugs me back, despite acting like it's 'weird'. I can feel in the hug that he actually really needs it.

We spent more time with him as kids because mum worked nights. And apparently when I was born he could never sleep, he would just stand by the door, making sure I was breathing. Now we have nephews and nieces and his panic over making sure the latest baby was being held safely was really kinda adorable. He's also incredibly generous. If he knows you like certain foods, he will continually buy them for you until you can't bear the sight of them.

I remember being a kid and listening to the news in the car, where the government were talking about how they didn't want to legalise gay sex, and him yelling at the radio: "You can't fucking go into people's bedrooms!" He's a centre-left guy, big on fair work/unions, treating people with respect, rights for all, etc.

He is very much a family man. Now at the same time, honestly, I bet he would've also lived quite a happy life being a single man, living alone with cats.

I've never said this before to anyone, but IF it turned out that he may have some closeted same-sex feelings too, well, I wouldn't be completely surprised.

I wish he could be more open with us, but I do love him very much.

This thread is making me HORNY!

My father was mildly interested in me and my siblings whereas my mother was a nag and whiney. Me and my three brothers formed a bond, and left our parents as the outsiders.

Not really what one would call affectionate, but he really is a great father, a great guy and a great person overall. I worship him. And he loves all of us. He did spoil me.

[quote]I did not want to be like him, looked to other males as roll models.

Oh, dear.

^ Here, dear, stick these up your ass... 😠

When he was drunk.

[Quote]Me and my three brothers

Oh, dear.

R21 he sounds like VERY good people! I'm sure you've counted your blessings may times.

Yeah, your dad sounds like a nice guy, R29. The only time I remember my father expressing an opinion on homosexuality during my childhood was when his brother said that all gay people should be executed, and my father heartily agreed.

^ Sorry, I was addressing R21.

Never.

R28 is a weenie.

^ Grammar Nazis have little weenies 😜

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Cold reserved religious father from the 1930s. Affection was unknown. It is what it is - but I’m amazed by fathers who re affectionate and caring. It still strikes me as shocking even now.

My father adored me, and then my mom kicked him out or he left her.

Not sure which one of the two did what, but I remember she treated him like dirt.

My father was a sweetheart, but he had his faults and he had a penchant for marrying nasty, mean women.

His second wife wasn’t as horrible to him as my mom, overtly. But she was very passive aggressive, and she treated my father as if though she had just settled and married down when she chose to marry him.

Now, in defense of both of these women, my father was a cheat. A huge whore. He had affairs left and right, I have siblings which I’ve never met who were spawned by him all over New York, and a few in Miami.

Latino men are whores. My father was really good looking. He resembled Jimmy Smitts quite a bit, and was charming AF.

I think of my dad every day. He was really smart, had invested in real estate, had opened his own businesses, and died due to drinking counterfeit booze at some hotel-resort-casino in the Dominican Republic when Americans were dropping dead at that time due to the same thing.

He lost his relationship with his children, his wives and most of his friends in the United States when he died. He walked away from all of us and he never looked back.

My brother despised him, even though my father did everything possible for him to have a great life.

My stepmother isolated him from me as much as possible so that her son, my brother (technically my half brother), could end up with the money. And my brother ended up with the entire bag.

She was smart, but not a decent and honorable woman.

When my dad died, she actually called me up to offer me a check for $1,900. My brother had ended up with over $200K plus real estate.

I quietly thanked her, told her I did not need the money, hung up and never had anything to do with her again.

My brother is also a greedy bastard, and our friendship is over due to his actions, not mine.

Our dad was very warm, funny, and showed us every day that he loved us.

Like the above poster, there were times when he seemed exhausted and would have preferred time to himself, but he still gave us attention.

One exception: he got peace, quiet and a 2-hour Sunday afternoon nap.

Dad was born on a farm during the depression, so he was frugal and understood the difference between being rich and having a rich life. He helped people with home improvement, would spend hours helping neighbors till their garden or rebuilding their engine.

He even lent or gave money with one rule: never say where you got it.

When I was in 8th grade, he sat both me and my sister down and explained that he was taking a second job to make sure we would be able to start college in a few years. Our jobs in the mean time were to get good grades, help even more around the house (housework, gardening, pets, etc), and to understand how these changes and stress had higher purpose.

The year after I graduated from college he passed away with a massive heart attack, helping neighbors move furniture onto a truck. It stunned everyone, and there was standing room only at his funeral.

I try every day to fill his shoes.

Until I was five I was his favourite. He’d take me on outings and buy me special presents. Then he kind of disappeared. Until my parents divorced later on he was barely ever home and I found out he had a secret family. He was an alcoholic.

I’d like men even if my dad had been there but I blame my unhealthy relationship patterns on him. I definitely have daddy issues.

My dad is 48 & still really cool. We both love music! He took me to my first Drake concert. My grandpa was a big hippie in the 60s and 70s so my dad has no problem being affectionate. My mom on the other hand does not give great hugs. She does this condescending pat on the head bullshit.

[quote]Latino men are whores

Why is that? Seriously I was having this conversation with my partner and every Latino guy, mostly Mexican/America that we know out of hundreds of other gay guys are all cheaters. Not saying white, black or Asian guys don't cheat, but by far, between the two of us, we could not come up with a single name that we knew of that wasn't doing that.

[quote]Cold reserved religious father from the 1930s. Affection was unknown.

I think fathers who were WW2 vets also cold or mostly non-participatory. Kind of a 50's mentality that the men went off to war, did their duty to society and left ALL the child rearing to the women. Basically, all they had to do after that sacrifice was go to work and provide all the money for the family. No responsibility or expectation the be involved with the kids unless they felt like it. So many young men were raised with aloof fathers. It's changed now, but I would say Gen-X, had a lot of this plus mothers that worked full time too. Millennials swung the other way with helicopter parents but at least their fathers were engaged.

Only when he fucked me

R44 = Madonna.

If it’s a discredited theory OP why cling to it? Get a better shrink.

I like these Dad threads on DL. My father wasn’t affectionate until after my mother died. It seemed she was a buffer fir him with his children but she wasn’t affectionate at all. I think he probable became more lovable as we all aged. Still, I loved him. I always felt safe as a child.

That’s a sweet remembrance r9 and very illuminating for me since I read your post. For many years my father would work a second job to save money for a family vacation. That’s quite a sacrifice to make. It’s good you loved your father. It helps make you whole.

Did he ever piss on you?

Gods, no. We struggle with eye contact and conducting a minute of pleasant small-talk, to be honest.

The day I started growing tits in and had a mood-swing, that was fucking that, he didn't wanna know. Same as it ever was with girl-Dads, though.

My father was a useless POS. Filthy rich tho so I kissed his ass for the inheritence. To be honest I believe he murdered my step mother. I know.

I'm a gay woman. My father wasn't the kind to kiss or hug. But he was always there, and he'd always play a game or fix my bike when I needed it. So I can't complain too much.

My Dad was raised by a father who basically ignored the boys in their family. My father was not affectionate toward me because he was a "wannabe" sports guy. My older brother was his favorite because he was good at sports. I was not. I was given all the chores because the favorite child couldn't cut grass the day before the big game. We were never close. When he fell and broke his hip the wonder brother was going to let him go into a home but I took him in my home. I don't think I ever saw him cry until I took him in and he was so appreciative. He live about 11 months and passed. We got along very well during his visit.

The only thing my father loved was his bottle.

^^ if he was Irish and played the piano that's not all bad.

He was a complicated man, who suffered from multiple traumas and didn't know how to cope with them.

So, you end up with someone that could be a doting father and abusive asshole in the same breadth.

Which makes it worse as I still struggle with reconciling my memories of him

Some of it is funny looking back on.. like how he didn't have a problem that I was gay but he still thought I should have a marriage (even just a symbolic one) young and that it should utlimately be his responsiblity on with who..

R56 ah yeah your Dad sounds like mine.

He doesn't exactly have a problem with my being a lesbian, more just with my being a woman. And he doesn't say anything about my sexuality specifically, but he makes it clear he doesn't like seeing or hearing from gays in his media or in his working environment. As long as we're silent and useful and out of his way, he tolerates.

I always sang for my father. Often camping it up with boa feathers and fishnet stockings.

I was my father's favorite because i was most like him. A brilliant, klutzy, handsome man. I miss him.

My farther was very affectionate with my brother and I when we were young. He then began his climb up the corporate ladder, and in our adolescent years didn’t have much time for us.. I was the oldest and when I took off for college, I got a letter from my father about a week after I left home..It was the mushiest letter I’ve ever read.. How much he loved me from the time he took my mother and I from the hospital home up to the day he wrote the letter , and how much he missed me. I called him and said ‘ golly Dad, where have you been?” My Dad from that time forward, always kissed me hello and kissed my good bye up thru the last day I saw him before he passed away. He was smart and funny and I miss him every day.. I was so lucky,

[quote]Just wondering, because I've come to realize my same sex desire is deeply rooted in craving for male attention, affection, and validation.

Why did I know this shit was going to be poster? I knew that when I read this dumb thread it was red herring for 1950s style homophobia?

[quote] My dad's Italian, very huggy, kissy

Ugh.

Yes, it sounds like you did.

Yes. As he aged we became more so. I always kissed him hello/goodbye. He would call me when he was 89 and sing me happy birthday. I miss Papa every day.

My daddy was a mean violent drunk. We growed up in a ranch down in Nebraska and he started doin it to me when I was 8. No lube or nothin. Just his cheesy unwashed master rod of pleasure and pain and violating my faggot cunt while he bellowed insults and degraded me with blame language. The bearings, rapes, degradation and humilitia only stopped when I ran away at 16. I was effeminate overweight and unathletic. He despised me and never showed me any human warmth. The most I could expect from him was physics and sexual assault.

And Fancy was her name.

What father? I had several!

English dad, practical advice and logistical assistance is how they show affection.

We both were affectionate towards each other.

I do n’t know why posters like 1 and 61 are getting so aggressive, a lot of gay men have a difficult relationship with their fathers.

R68 There really is or was that standard, and my dad took it upon himself to be quite the opposite. I have fond memories as a young lad lying my head in his lap, and he would massage my scalp. I also remember curling up like our dog, and sitting behind the bend of his legs on the sofa. Sometimes Fritz and i would both tuck in there, and I would fall asleep with my head on his hip. I think after a time, many of us outgrow that need, or it seems odd. For me, this was probably changing around sevennor eight years-old.

My grandad always shook my hand, and he and my dad had that rapport. My dad later told me that he didn't like how his father was, and confided grandad never told him he loved him either. I reckon I was perhaps ten or eleven years-old at the time, and didn't actually know what to make of it. I felt sorry for him, thinking he had felt unloved, yet I never did feel the need for his hugs or kisses by this age.

It was sort of obligatory on my part, so as not to reject him. Dad was a Psychiatrist, and said it wasn't healthy the way he was raised. I believe he overcompensated, or was trying to make up for what he had missed out on.

As I became even older, It made me feel uncomfortable at times, as it was forced on my part. I feel bad typing this, and reflecting on it. When I tried giving a quick clap on the neck, or a shoulder squeeze, that felt authentic for me. Sometimes he would even say "aren't you going to give me a hug goodbye ?" I always reluctantly did, but by this time, I no longer kissed him, but accepted his peck on my cheek.

I've had therapists, and talked about this, especially after he died. Surprisingly, none of them agreed with my idea that perhaps it made me uncomfortable after a certain age because I'm gay. I wish I could have been more forthright, and told him It made me somewhat uncomfortable, yet I never could find a respectful way, or the proper time.

I'm not a cold person, nor did I feel uncomfortable hugging and kissing my mum. I still wonder to this day why it bothered me so at certain times. I do not hug or kiss my younger brother either, though I love him to bits.

I agree wholeheartedly R70. It's good to talk about this here as well.

I think I lucked out with my Dad. He's the typical suburban dad. Lawyer, sports, camping/fishing with the boys, etc.

But when I came out to him at age 16 on our WhatsApp family GC, he and Mom drove to my school (5 hours away) to hug me an affirm me. He is a very affectionate person (vs Mom - who is more stoic). My older brothers are also very supportive.

I had to block him on IG though because he keeps commenting on my pics and replying to my stories haha.

R73 omfg! My dad does the same thing. He wants to go to the bars with me. He comments on my Insta & tiktok.