Let’s Be a Gay Remake of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

I'm the male Rebecca de Mornay but no homo because I already did a homo movie.

I’m Clarence’s asthma attacks, which are actually panic attacks.

I'm Jessica Lagne as the cunty, breathy next door neighbor of the gays who is suspicious of Peter. I meet my demise in the antique collection room.

I'm Laverne Cox, lactating in anticipation of the breastfeeding scene.

I'm the hot pool boy who works for the couple. I've replaced the retarded handyman. I'm also white.

R5 But the film just wouldn't be the same with the classic line 'Don't fuck with me , retard'.

R6, that line has now been changed 'fuck me til I'm retarded.' Pool boy willingly obliges.

I'm the Provincetown setting.

I'm the male to female surrogate. Cause apparently we are now able to conceive and bring a foetus to full term! ; )

I'm Clarence's high pitched squeals and cries when he see the destroyed glasshouse. With little regard for the dead friend inside, he falls to his knees weeping over the destruction of his tea roses and dahlias.

I can just see it:

Conrad Ricamora in the Sciorra part

Jonathan Groff in the De Mornay part

Richard Madden as Matt McCoy

Justice Smith as Ernie Hudson (not retarded this time, just some homeless trade they found on Grindr and are letting stay above the garage as long as he fixes stuff around the house)

Andrew Rannells as Julianne “Cancel my morning! Moore

I’ve got a Harvard education- I will figure it out.

I'm the bottle of poppers Peter huffs from as he stands at the window watching the glass house implode. Yeah, in the original film I'm an apple eaten by Rebecca de Mornay, but what gay guy has ever eaten an apple? 🤷‍♂️

I’m the bathroom stall that Peter takes his rage out inside (and also masturbates inside0.

I'm the opening credits, and I'm already EXHAUSTING.

I’m the Gay Pride Parade that Andrew Rannells’ Julianne Moore character has to drive and honk through on his way to Clarence’s house.

We are Chasten and Pete. OP can just adapt the movie from our horrifying home life!

R17, Peter Flanders is really a secretly religious homophobic right-wing nut job who wants to destroy Pete and Chasten’s life.

I'm the leather jockstrap belonging to Michael that Peter slips into the pool boy's trunk and then alerts Clarence to. In the original film I was the kid's pair of panties that Rebecca de Mornay hid in the retarded handyman's toolbox.

Instead of the song “Poor Wand’ring One” from Pirates of Penzance, I’m “Defying Gravity” from Wicked.

[Quote] hire a male nanny named Peter Flanders to raise their new baby conceived via IVF and surrogacy.

Any relation to Ned?

Stupid sexy Flanders!