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Creepy Trick Invaded My Kitchen

So I had a one-night stand with this ugly-ish guy (imagine Jeff Goldblum with shorter jaw and black, slicked back hair). Good dick though and a satisfying fuck.

Well, we finish the deed and I tell him he can't stay. I just want to sleep. He asks for 10 more minutes of rest - okay, I'm a generous guy. Then he gets dressed, we say bye and he heads out. But from my bed I can see that he's not heading towards the front door. HE ENTERS THE KITCHEN!

"Oi!! - I yell. - There's nothing for you in there!" The thing is, I've been reading on Jeffrey Dahmer and I was afraid that angry psycho trick might be going for the knives because I didn't let him sleep. He was like "I was just checking something."

What?? What are you checking in someone else's apartment, in the middle of the night, post-coitus? You creepy fuck you. I got up in panic and guided him to the door. I was thinking of seeing him a second time but no, nope, never again!! Yikes! Not in my kitchen, bitch!

by Anonymousreply 47June 23, 2022 9:28 PM

Maybe he was looking for a bottle of water, you fucking asshole

by Anonymousreply 1June 23, 2022 6:55 AM

He wanted to see if you stored bananas in the refrigerator.

by Anonymousreply 2June 23, 2022 6:56 AM

He was probably checking to see whether you have a colander, having already suspected that you were the type of person who drains his pasta, a real deal-breaker for him.

by Anonymousreply 3June 23, 2022 7:00 AM

Do you stock turkey meatballs in your home?

by Anonymousreply 4June 23, 2022 7:05 AM


Creepy as imaginary.

by Anonymousreply 5June 23, 2022 7:05 AM

Inviting strange men into your home! You're lucky you didn't wake up dead.

by Anonymousreply 6June 23, 2022 7:08 AM

[quote]I got up in panic and guided him to the door.

Always guide them to the door.

Always direct them to the elevator or the stairs or the trick of buzzing open the lobby door, or otherwise guide them out of your place back onto the public street or roadway.

Never assume that they will find their way out safely and simply. Some need a firm guiding hand against wrong turns.

by Anonymousreply 7June 23, 2022 7:09 AM

[quote]Maybe he was looking for a bottle of water, you fucking asshole


by Anonymousreply 8June 23, 2022 7:17 AM

You've been reading about Jeffrey Dahmer but still brought this "creepy" trick back to your home? Sounds like you like to live dangerously. Good luck!

by Anonymousreply 9June 23, 2022 7:20 AM

He'll be back. Can I have your stuff?

by Anonymousreply 10June 23, 2022 7:26 AM

[quote]He was like "I was just checking something."

Does he work for the gas company? Maybe he suspected a gas leak.

by Anonymousreply 11June 23, 2022 7:29 AM

He was checking for a back way in and to see where you kept your knives, OP. Be afraid. Be very afraid. He will be back for you soon.

by Anonymousreply 12June 23, 2022 7:41 AM

Oh OP, lighten up.

He probably lives in a similar apartment and was just curious what you did with the kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 13June 23, 2022 7:48 AM

He was looking to see if you hid your HIV medications in the kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 14June 23, 2022 7:51 AM

He wanted to see if you're a Duke's or Hellmann's guy.

by Anonymousreply 15June 23, 2022 7:52 AM

OP is now being digested in that black trick's intestines. Way to go, OP.

by Anonymousreply 16June 23, 2022 7:53 AM

OP You are a cunt, I just needed to borrow a lil sugar.

by Anonymousreply 17June 23, 2022 7:55 AM

Your trick was probably DL's Greg. He just loves checking out everybody's kitchens.

by Anonymousreply 18June 23, 2022 7:57 AM

OP is an insane Katorexia/BRF stan. Too bad the “creepy trick” didn’t decapitate you and put your big ugly head in the freezer.

by Anonymousreply 19June 23, 2022 7:57 AM

R19 is John Wayne Gacy

by Anonymousreply 20June 23, 2022 8:00 AM

Maybe the trick was planning a surprise breakfast as a prelude to a long-term relationship?

by Anonymousreply 21June 23, 2022 9:57 AM

OP is a unnecessary carbon footprint.

by Anonymousreply 22June 23, 2022 10:01 AM

[quote] I tell him he can't stay. I just want to sleep.

You didn't tell him that before anything happened? Shame, shame.

by Anonymousreply 23June 23, 2022 10:46 AM

He just wanted a couple of eggs for the morning. Have you seen the prices of those things lately?

by Anonymousreply 24June 23, 2022 11:03 AM

He was stupid to pork Miss OP for free!

by Anonymousreply 25June 23, 2022 11:21 AM

You're just jealous, Erna, that I got porked and you didn't.

by Anonymousreply 26June 23, 2022 11:52 AM

He was looking for some whiskey to disinfect his mouth.

by Anonymousreply 27June 23, 2022 11:57 AM


by Anonymousreply 28June 23, 2022 12:16 PM

He didn't tell you at the time, OP, but he left something in your kitchen. Intentionally. All will be clear in time.

by Anonymousreply 29June 23, 2022 2:26 PM

OP, your trick was looking for the trash can to see what you ate that made your breath so horrible.

by Anonymousreply 30June 23, 2022 2:30 PM

At least you got a satisfying fuck out of it.

by Anonymousreply 31June 23, 2022 2:32 PM

He was checking for the double sink to see if you really are observant, like your Gay-J-Date profile said.


by Anonymousreply 32June 23, 2022 2:33 PM

Your mother's basement has a kitchen?

How progressive.

by Anonymousreply 33June 23, 2022 2:34 PM

He WAS looking for a knife.

But it was to harm himself because of how low he had fallen with his sex partners.

by Anonymousreply 34June 23, 2022 2:36 PM

He wanted to see if the cracked linoleum matched the broken Venetian blinds.

by Anonymousreply 35June 23, 2022 2:37 PM

It WAS Jess Goldblum.

He's always voracious after pity sex.

by Anonymousreply 36June 23, 2022 2:38 PM

He was going to organize your disorganized spice drawer. What a sweetheart. Your loss, OP!

by Anonymousreply 37June 23, 2022 2:38 PM

He was hoping that smell was coming from a cat box in the kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 38June 23, 2022 2:39 PM

He wanted to see if you had a triple-wide refrigerator because he had never seen someone so fat.

by Anonymousreply 39June 23, 2022 2:39 PM

Any OP referring to the E word needs to have his gape sewn shut.

by Anonymousreply 40June 23, 2022 2:40 PM

I'm certainly not surprised that people talk about others like this, but it's always really dispiriting.

OP, you're a terrible person.

by Anonymousreply 41June 23, 2022 3:00 PM

He made a wax impression of your key you left in the kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 42June 23, 2022 4:50 PM

He was following up on a hunch that you had corn in your refrigerator.

by Anonymousreply 43June 23, 2022 7:36 PM

No R43, he was looking for RASSSHHBERRIES!

by Anonymousreply 44June 23, 2022 7:39 PM

It's completely obvious that all he wanted was a post coitus sandwich, and your rude ass was too ungrateful to offer him one!

by Anonymousreply 45June 23, 2022 8:51 PM

Back in my whoring days, I always saw the trick out [italic]to the street,[/italic] not just to the door of my apartment. I'd do it in a friendly way and make an excuse, like I needed to get something from my car or check the mail box, whatever. Never any incidents. If the guy turned into a repeat and then a regular, you get to know them a little and develop trust. At the very least, if they're coming back, they want it to keep going too, so you can trust that they're not going abuse your trust by doing stupid shit when they leave. But a trick? Someone you just (barely) met? No way, that's just stupid.

I can't imagine just lounging in bed expecting them to see themselves out. It's reckless to let a stranger wander your home even for a second. Besides theft, they could be casing your house for a future break-in. In an apartment building they could do all sorts of bad shit all caught on camera and traced back to you bringing them in and then letting them run loose.

I also always set the expectation that our engagement would be brief and temporary. You can communicate this in advance. It requires social skills and a working vocabulary, though.

Don't do dumb shit just for dick, and don't let it cloud your judgment in the afterglow, either. Have a plan and stick to it.

by Anonymousreply 46June 23, 2022 9:16 PM

Hasn’t DL taught you yet that when you have hobosexual relations, you offer the trick a juice box?

Poor hobo had to get his own. This is on you OP, do better next time.

by Anonymousreply 47June 23, 2022 9:28 PM
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