Signs that you're getting old

You're ignored.

You're constantly hit up by youngsters with parental issues and fantasies.

You can predict the weather more accurately than any radar by how your joints feel

They told you not to masturbate so much in your youth and now they want you to constantly get off and stick things up your bum.

^ for your health

When the music of your childhood is played on the oldies stations...

When it's become a chore to scroll down the dates on those sites that require age verification.

When you're approached by a young stud and your first thought is to smack him rather than fuck him.

When social justice starts to take a backseat because they're taking too much pork spending taxes out of your check

When every time you take a shit, you've got swing your scrotum over your shoulder to keep it out of the shitty water.

You sign up for the DL

When medical professionals are all younger than you are.

Chuckle. Your cute Op.

You find yourself bingeing The Love Boat on Paramount+ in order to see stars you actually recognize.

For me it was seeing the guy who I used to lust after in high school after about 25 years or so. We're the exact same age and when I saw him, I didn't recognize him at first, then when I realized who he was I thought to myself - damn he looks old. Then his kid came out and he was a carbon copy of his dad at his hottest and that's when I realized that I too am old.

When you still use your desk calculator and the 20 something customer rep on the other end of the phone asks what that noise is that you're making. Then they tell you they have never seen one.

You have no interest in platforms like TikTok or stars from YouTube

You don’t care about trans (beyond their healthcare and safety)

Pride seems like a hassle and mess so you pass on going

I can't be bothered.

Your stomach gets fatter and your butt gets smaller

r19 with acne and hair appearing in never before places...

You collect coupons and get pissed off about the places they don't offer you the senior discount.

I called a teenager “kiddo” yesterday.

Judge Judy ihas become your favorite tv show.

while you reserve a time and a place, you don't give two shits about trying to keep the peace when it comes to giving your opinions.

you've been around the block enough to understand that you don't get so hangup on the details when it comes to hooking up or seeking out relationships because anyone, anywhere, can be hot with the right social lubricants.

When you enjoy the music at the Dentist's office.

You become afraid of stairs. (not walking up them, walking down them)

potlucks, potlucks, potlucks.

r27 you enjoy going to the dentist, having naps and getting spanked.

Loud restaurants or bars are intolerable

You become very careful crossing the street

You ignore trolls here because life is too short

r17 I love you

The early 90s seem like last week instead of yesterday.

r32 They were. We've never been able to escape the 90s while the 80s, 70s, 60s could be condensed into more specific events, fads and trends. . . the 90s isn't so distilled. At most attempts to appear 90s looks more 80s and the younger gens either seem to believe that sitcoms are an adequate reflection of what it s about, confuse it with the 60s or believe they're the first to discover the totally unheard of and underground music of every major band of the decade...

R33 I like to believe that time actually stopped then, and that everything since has been a script for a show that wasn't picked up. And yes, seeing tweens wearing Nirvana shirts and imagining that they were some mystical group that spoke, er, mumbled for their generation is laughable. They had three good songs and one was a cover.

Every actor and singer you remember from your youth is dead or about to be.

You are clueless about 90% of the sayings, phrases, slang and acronyms you read/hear.

You have zero interest in social media.

Pride makes you grimace.

You’re falling in love with Jensen Ackles and are sure he will call you.

You consider yourself younger than Homer Simpson, but realize he is only supposed to be 39.

It no longer means anything that you are younger than Madonna.

You are shocked to learn people who graduated in 1992 are now considered old.

You would rather save money than get in an airplane.

All the sensations in your anus are gone.

You can't see to drive at night.

R32: Yes, until I do the math, the early 90's do seem like yesterday. About a week ago, the TV listings, included a showing of Prince's "Purple Rain" and David Bowie's, "Serious Moonlight", tours....both on PBS, complete with pledge drives. On a more serious note, I'm disabled and have to remind myself to walk slower, lest I fall. As much as I loved and was happiest going out, I really can't do big crowds anymore, I could lose my balance and fall.

You can remember when gay was an adjective and not a lifestyle.

People offer you their seats in buses and trains.

People in their fifties address you as "Sir".

You feel next to nothing during an orgasm.

You are referred to as a SENIOR

all your favorite music now has (remastered) after the title

r46 you were excited to be a senior in school but now murder stare anyone that says so and exclaim but all my friends think I don't look a day over __

Balls are hanging a lot lower.

Not caring about contemporary pop culture at all, and getting angry about what young people believe in.

When your friends that are your age post happy birthday to their 27 year old kids and you realize you’ve slept with guys younger than that recently and now you just want to crawl in a hole and die.

You don’t even have to ask for the Senior Discount on Tuesdays.

[quote]You don’t even have to ask for the Senior Discount on Tuesdays.

Oooh, that one happened to me at Walgreen’s when I was 47! I was equally outraged, embarrassed, and happy to have saved 7 bucks. 😖

If white, gay Asian men hit on you.

You’re older than the President.

The cool new song you started listening to on Pandora have been around 15 to 25 years.

R49? Same for my tits!

This started out as a semi- fun thread but changed quickly. Some of you biotches are just downright depressed.

Complaining about your money going to The Blacks.

You start thinking, ‘Aren’t Popes getting younger these days?’

The bus driver greets you as “Pops”’

When you entertain the notion that Mao's China was on to something with the Mao suit.

Because one day, it dawns on you the expensive clothes, both for work and fun, that you just HAD to have were then, and are now, nonsense.

Then, when you clean them or shake them out before you act your bright idea to donate them to the local charity that helps the unemployed or unhoused, you realize, in today's world, even they don't need this stuff.

They need, instead, the basics for all genders : socks, clean, still-packaged underwear, bras, winter mittens in child sizes and adult...

When the aphorism "It's better for me to want what I have, rather than have what I want" actually has real meaning.

Once a year a number attached to my age gets larger and time moves faster.

You start getting offers for hearing tests and hearing aids in the mail.

R6- The music 🎼 I loved as a kid was already being played on an oldies station- CBS-FM . I liked music from the 1960’s and early 1970’s when I was in high school in the 1980’s.

You start a thread on Datalounge about a current TV show you were just thinking about that actually ended 30 years ago.

R12- My doctor is 93 years old.

R67, if you want to live to 93 you better get a younger doc, lol.

Your favorite celebrities from when you were a kid are all dead or dying.

You get an AARP thing in the mail and you're horrified that you're getting an AARP thing in the mail.

People younger than you are already grandparents- YIKES- grandparents I still feel too young to be a parent.

When favorite rock and roll stars of my youth, are approaching 80 and over. Happy B'Day Paul McCartney....80 years old.

The Beatles wrote..."will you still need me, will you still feed me....when I'm 64?".....like that was ancient back then.

Idiopathic back pain.

R64 and you receive mail from independent living facilities.

You care more about Amazon stock than Amazon workers

None of your pre-COVID clothes fit anymore

Your parents are in their 80’s

You have no clue who 2/3rds of currently popular celebrities are. And you don't care.

When you hear Guns N' Roses "Sweet Child O' Mine" on the "easy listening" station that's playing in your dentist's waiting room.

You don't go out anymore because you order everything in.

The phone calls from Mom have stopped.

You leave the will on a table where it'll be easily found.

When your parents, if alive or dead today, would be near or over 100 years old now.

You start thinking oh well, if I go tomorrow I’ve had a pretty good ride, did lots of stuff. You feel sorry for anyone who grew up with the internet. You lament the loss of melody, harmony, and heartfelt lyrics in popular music.

People in their twenties look like kids to you

[quote] You get an AARP thing in the mail and you're horrified that you're getting an AARP thing in the mail.

Even worse, when you look inside and discover that all the articles are interesting to you.

When you have to put on your reading glasses to cruise Grindr.

You find Real Housewives more entertaining than today’s crop of insufferable “stars” (Viola Davis, Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, and Brie Larson).

When you realize that if "Grease" was made today, it would take place in 2004.

We are now at the same distance in time from the 1980s as the 1980s were from World War II. This thought makes you have to sit down for a minute.

Every pro athlete is much younger than the kids and babies you used to babysit.

[quote] This thought makes you have to sit down for a minute.

The thought that makes me sit down and have a mondo oh fuck! attack is that I've got another 20, 25 years on this planet. Then the party's over. I cease to exist. *POOF* Forever.

I'm gonna really, really, no REALLY miss not being alive.

You no longer are looking to score hot dick but are just grateful to be alive. A night at home - healthy and without worries - is a greater joy than a club or bar. Watching the sun rise or set is more spectacular than the best concert.

I know I’m old because all my favorite celebrities arent just old, they are dead

Pool parties are terrifying

You don’t know what the clothing style is now for gay men and don’t care

You pine for the good old days when they made studio movies for adults - you look at CGI, comic book films or family cartoons now playing, and you say never will I see these movies

R89 I think about dying the same way you do...I cant believe this is it. I’m going to be 67 and dont know how many good yrs I have left. The finality of death scares the shit out of me...never to be any more, for eternity OY!

R93 And here we sit on an anonymous gay board whinging about the finality of death instead of logging off, going out and cramming as much Life as we can in the time we have left.

You envy your mother, who lives in a chic retirement home, because it's so blessedly QUIET. Well, except for the hard of hearing, who have blaring TVs.

You look up the newish horror movie you've started watching, on imdb, and it's described as a period film (it's set in the 80s). You turn off the movie because nothing that happens in the film could scare you as much as what you've just learned.

Baaahahaaaa IKR?? R94. I would be out but it’s pouring in my part of Fl right now...a bit later its cocktails by the water. It's been hotter than hell here. I do better when it’s cold

R94. This IS life. Right here. Now. Don't you get it?

Growing old means you can finally stop seeking that "life" out there somewhere that really doesn't exist.

Someone tells you Lisa Kudrow and Courtney Cox are each 58 and you say that can’t be true.

You don't care anymore. You just don't care.

R97 Oh, uh. I guess we have different goals/expectations. My life is out there. Travelling, learning, experiencing. I've been in an 8 year procastination slump. But then, as you assert, THIS is life too. Such as it is.

You've finally got the time and the money to visit Bali, but no way in hell are you going to spend 24 hours traipsing through airports and sitting on planes to get there.

R96 And speaking of getting old and acronyms you are clueless about, IKR???

R101 Ubud is worth 24 hours on the plane and the traipse/sit. Trust me!

Since I’m 65, virtually every adult I idolized in my childhood is dead. Except Angela Lansbury.

Your teenage movie idols (Meryl, Sigourney, Harrison Ford and DeNiro) are all in their 70’s.

My childhood idols were Jack Benny, Bob Hope, and Red Skelton.

When you're home from work or running errands by 6pm, you're in for the night.

When a best friend that you used to visit on a near daily basis now lives too far. And neither of you has moved in the last 20 years!

Ubud?

You hear a whispered “Edina Monsoon” every time you browse Comme des Garcons

You no longer fight tan lines because your ass cleavage leaves crescents on your thighs

You know your’re a old crotchety fart when something as harmless as “IKR” upsets you so much you need to bring it up as R102 did

The good ol' days are the '80s and '90s.

When you hear yourself saying that today's music is not music just a bunch of noise. Then you remember your grandparents saying the exact same thing back in the 80s.

You know your’e becoming a miserable old twat when you start screaming at little kids when they dare to step on your lawn as R102

You're turning 34 for the 20th year in a row

Your body's tolerance for alcohol is just a memory now.

You see a guy you think is attractive, but then you realize you're probably old enough to be his father and he would have no interest in you.

[quote]You look up the newish horror movie you've started watching, on imdb, and it's described as a period film (it's set in the 80s). You turn off the movie because nothing that happens in the film could scare you as much as what you've just learned.

Conversely, you see a new movie or tv show that's set in the 80s and you say "the 80s didn't look like this. How the hell old was the set designer and costumer for this thing? They couldn't have been old enough to actually remember the 80s because everything is all wrong"

the hot 30 something guy worshipping your cock moans and calls you "daddy'.

That's funny R117. I was recently watching The Hardy Boys on Hulu. It is set in an 80s that never existed.

All the Google ads are tailored for erectile dysfunction and diabetes.

I have nothing to possibly contribute to this thread.

r119 I felt the same way about Wonder Woman 1984. And there was no excuse for that because Patty Jenkins is in her mid-fifties so she's definitely old enough to remember what 1984 actually looked like.

AARP mailings

You can remember when Madonna first became famous.

Not caring about other prople's opinions anymore! I dress, look, do what I want/how I want without hiding or apologizing. And in so doing, I finally found my true groove and style in my 40s/50s and get more play now than ever before (weight loss and looking younger helps too). Go figure! Wish I figured all this out 20-30 years ago, but better late than never!

*people's

Presbyopia sucks even more!

OP, if the celebs from your youth are doing arthritis ads, those boys are young enough to be your GRANDson.

You cum dust (if you even cum at all).

Yes, r117, have had that experience also. It reminded me of asking my parents if Grease was really what things were like when they were in school. It was a hard no.

The horror movie I never finished watching actually did a great job, I thought. It was filmed on 16mm. I thought it was actually an 80s movie before I looked it up.

R108 Ubud is a town in Bali. Great food, resorts and walks but touristy beyond any belief.

R130, is there some weird reason you're not saying the name of the movie?

You know all the Medicare rules by heart.

You go to more funerals than weddings.

Mock turtleneck is a respectable choice - like a crewneck that loves too much

Your muscle groups get jelous of one another; if you reach up for something with your right hand, you have to follow up with a stretch of your left as well.

You love the sound of your body’s joints cracking like walnuts at the beginning of a workout because that means the old machine is warming up like an old volvo.

If Madonna is still your favorite singer

You can still sing when brushing your teeth…..false teeth

r132, not weird, it's yet another sign I'm getting old - I forgot to add the title, "The House of the Devil."

[quote] You see a guy you think is attractive, but then you realize you're probably old enough to be his father and he would have no interest in you.

There are plenty of younger guys with daddy issues whether it be rejection or abandonement.

The cousin you went ice skating with just became a grandmother.

Grey pubes are a subtle hint

All the celebrity panelists on the Match Game re-runs you watch on Buzzr TV are dead.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation" (1987-1994) is now "Star Trek: The Senior Generation"

Most of your teachers from school are dead. The few who are still alive are older than dirt now.

Starting a DL poll where every option is pre-1990.

Your friends' children turn 18.

When others offer to help you cross the roads

When you take your latest twink out to eat, the server says "Sir, would you like a kids menu for your grandson?"

R86- How about this - Stockard Channing was so old in real life when Grease was filmed that she was actually a teenager in high school in 1958/59.

With Every breath you take, every move you make, every sound you make is a fart.

Whenever you sneeze, you pee a little or worse worry about wetness that might have seeped out the backend.

You have more hair on your big toe than your head

You roll your eyes at the obvious babyfags that infiltrated this thread to blame you for why their generation is full of fat tards emitting greenhouse gasses that don't vote or do something more proactive to change the world, learning from ou mistakes instead of repeating them in less exciting ways.

comparing aches and pains is a socially competitive team sport.

You can't even remember what year it was when you stopped listening to Top 40 radio (or whatever the fuck it's called now).

You have no idea if MTV is still around.

All of the adults from your childhood are dead.

You can't figure out why all the music in the world is now rap and hip-hop...bad rap and hip-hop, and it makes you wonder if the younger generation has lost their ability to hear.

(I don't think this is the same as the old 'what's that noise' because there is literally nothing else. There has literally been nothing new in over a decade. It almost feels like politically correct music listening presribed by the media creators to a generation that can't think for themselves. All the other music movements where the adult reaction was 'noise!' came from a place of rebellion against what you were supposed to listen to. This rap/hip-hop crap is all based on following exactly what you are told to listen to by corporate music and their paid social media influencers. It feels more rebellious to refuse to listen to it.)

r158 Rap and hiphop aren't bad but yes, like other forms of music.. many lack rhythm, flow, structure, even just a decent hook. There's two areas I see popular in the hostile takeovers of various genres is either it's iconoclastic cacophony (like how gutteral screamo took over heavy metal or electronic music is disjointed noise played at chipmunk speeds; things which otherwise destroy a genre with a flood of twerps that believe learning the basic fundamentals of music should be a crime) that instead of inventing something new seeks out to destroy the old or uninspired reboot by kiddies that come off as third rate impersonators. -- they're boxed and sold by dozens, pushed into comtemporary media without having to work for it. . . the bnefit is most of them don't make it beyond a single release but they're replaced with more of the same. They want the "life" but they don't want to put in the work, and like the former, many of them are against furthering their music education, if they have any at all...

I could admire something that jumps in to try but at the same time, the more frustrating bit is how fucking narrow minded they are about it..

One of the most common phrases I hear from them is "I believe in what's possible" which is said in disdain when I make suggestions.... as I'm usually being approached on this by kiddies that are looking for access for floating in peripehral of those they actually want to speak to. I'm just a fucking a roledex (yes, signs of being old when they have to look up what roledex means. Honestly, they usually think it's an expensive watch.)

To be fair, there's no reason to respect me on it at all and I don't respond to flatter nor guilt in those matters either. I'm not sure there's even 1 out of 100,000, that could handle touring with no budget... or understanding the financial sum of when you're awarded a high value contract of where the bulk of award goes to -- it's beyond frustrating trying to get them to understand business costs anxd how they need to protect themselves -- it goes even more to those in high risk categories for bias, discrimination and exploitation. . . as that's the crowd in even worse straits as most have a chip on their shoulders in regards to having to engage in social warfare.. which requires more finesse than being a triggered cunt.

which they seem to think working the festival circuit is having a single spot at one event for one day and that roughing it is staying in a 3 star hotel. And, if they achieve that, then they believe they've made it and don't have to do anything more than.

They just need to be at the right place, at the right time.,. hence, so many more aim for reality shows than open mic nights.

You can't get it thru to them that it's work and the reason so many end up on drugs isn't just the partying but that it's bloody stressful and physically demanding work with extensive overtime. That it will break you., You're working even when you're not working. You might have high points, even become an internationally recognized and then have nothing for years, if ever again.. -- they're unwilling to look at what people are doing during those low periods -- which for those desperate to stay as performers continue to tour without fanfare or support. Those willing to work on peripheral have to learn the formal side of music and the biz. You can make bank as a session musician, though a lot of times, you'll find yourself not being credited. Or getting more involved behind the scenes from biz to tech. Or thinking in advance about the kind of trad. day jobs that have pay well enough to support your endeavors but open enough schedules/gigs that it doesn't hurt your resume when you switch back and forth.

But as a crotchy ol' fug, my usual eyeroll is that none of these prissy little bitches have had to take a shit in a coffee can in the back of a van in 100 degree weather in front of bandmates and crew. It's my walked to school in the snow, both ways, uphill. . . Sisyphus rant.

The realization that the movie, Signs is 20 years old.

R159: I love "old school" rap - LL, Doug E Fresh, Salt n Pepa, Monie Love, Patra, Vanilla Ice, Public Enemy, Queen Latifa, MC Lyte, Busta Rhymes... HATE the new stuff! - too raunchy, explicit and unoriginal. But what does middle-aged me know?

I love Ed Sheeran and his white boy rap

Sold house and moved to condo so I don't have to shovel snow or mow lawn.

R159 That's a lot of words.

You don't bother starting threads anymore because you can predict the same bitchy responses

Yes r159 posted a lot of words. But they’re cherce, r164.

You don't know what a lizzo is and you don't care to find out.

When the list of people you don't like is longer than the list of people you do like.

Long hairs in and on the ears that sprout over night.

You think "all the music in the world is now rap and hip-hop."

You suddenly doze off for an hour mid-day.

You catch yourself in a nasty, bigoted thought. All those bullshit words are still there.

Those ugly tweedy reclining chairs that you see advertised for old folk suddenly seem like maybe a good idea. When I visit my mother who is 85 for the weekend the bath tub has a grab bar above it. I’ve actually started to use it when heaving myself out of the bath. If I knew I would never again have a visitor to my apartment I would get one for sure.

You click WW in this thread more than you have clicked WW in all threads this year.

Lace-up shoes no longer work for you.

80% of your thoughts are negative and bitter.

You realize Mom was right: You do miss her once she's gone.

No gay under 50 gets your John Waters, Nellie Oleson, or Mommie Dearest references.

I was born in 1958. The other day I realized that if I counted my age backward (I'm 63) from my birth, the year would be 1895.

"I've reached the age when I've seen more yesterdays than I will of tomorrows."

- Bill Clinton of his 50th birthday

That about sums it up for me.

R176- Oh honey, that was me at twelve.

When the end of World War II is half as close to your birth year as present day.

You sing to the music being played in the grocery store. I went food shopping on Sunday. They played "Stoned Love" and I damn near did a Soul Train line dance down the aisle! There was another Black woman in the aisle also enjoying the song. At one point, we were singing a duet and laughing. The White woman in the aisle just looked at us and kept going.

You check your 401k or other retirement funds on an almost daily basis and try not to cry at how much you've lost.

Friends call to make plans for dinner and you say yes, only you wish you'd said no. You really want to be home by 9 pm so you can watch a movie on TCM.

Scrolling to your birth year on websites. You realize how quickly the years REALLY have flown by as you keep going to find your birth year.

I'll be 60 on Thursday. Wednesday will be the last time I can check the "50-59" age bracket on surveys.

I met my friend in Junior high school in 1978. I do weird stuff like- If I met my friend in 1938 it would now be 1982- which demonstrates just how long ago 1978 was.

The cops you see are all too young for their jobs.

My collection of little hotel soap bars and shampoo bottles is going to outlast me.

You get tired of asking people to repeat themselves, so you just start nodding to everyone instead, hoping you're not agreeing to anything too bad or expensive.

Your parents are still alive and almost 100.

I always feel uncomfortable listening to modern pop music. It feels like I’m eavesdropping on two young people having an intimate conversation.

When you wear a short robe to take out the garbage and as you bend over to assemble the trash, the twins want to come out and say hi to the neighbors.

When you leave stuff on the floor until there’s more piled up (I.e. shoes, coins) because bending down to pick up stuff is a severely grunting chore.

When you can’t name one single artist being played on the pop/hot 100/top 40 stations.

When you can describe in full detail what you were wearing and who you went with to your first gay club, a Donna Summer concert, or your first day in college, but you can’t remember what you had for breakfast or if you brushed your teeth.

To R183, HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY (though it is Thursday) My 61th Birthday is Wednesday- I am amazed I lived past 25 yrs old. BTW, I always check the 50-59 age bracket on surveys (sometimes I check the 40 to 49 yr. box just to fuck up the survey).

My advise..."Don't sweat the small stuff"

Only knowing what day it is because of your pill case.

R193 So True! Long-term memory is great, but short-term memory is shot!!

Having to look at my cellphone to see what day and date it is. I have paper calendars to record appointments and such, but I cannot rely on them to determine what day it is, since that is THE question. Is it Tuesday, Friday?

The phone is always correct. 🎉

Thank you, R194! Happy Birthday to you, too! It's not that I never thought I'd be 60 but it is a bit of a head rush.

I usually don't work on my birthday and had planned to take a long weekend. But my coworker wanted to the week off to take his son and is son's friend (the kids are both 7) to Hersey Park or Lego Land or some other rugrat heaven. So I said I'd back him up and take care of his clients while he's away. My boss scheduled a "meeting" for Thursday morning at 9:30 am. Surprise, surprise!

What is a weekend?

When you say “What’s that?” more than 10 times a day.

I go to bed so much earlier, I want to eat at 5:00 so my food will have half a chance to be digested while I'm still in an upright position.

Mandatory 2 hr afternoon nap.

You become acutely aware when you go to a place when the entire hipster crowd is younger than not only you but your younger husband and neither of you fit that criteria.

Some of these younger people talk to you like it's a novelty. Gee whiz! These people know things and have lives! And they have the same tech as we do! (rolls eyes)

That going to bed on time and feeling good in the morning is better than staying up late partying and having a shitty hangover day, which your old self can't handle too well now.

Post-exercise, post-sex, post-vacation and post-guests are all things you plan for now. You need a buffer.

Every gay man in their 60s is really really lucky.

When you wonder if your kittens will outlive you

When you realize you've always played the shop girl who made something of herself, and your rotten crooked lawyer boyfriend who supplies the grease that makes this shitty movie business run, reminds you that you're not that little shop girl anymore.

You stop buying green bananas.

When you know the pharmacists at CVS by name. And they no longer need to ask for your birth date.

When you're in the checkout line and the clerk says, "Oh, great news! You qualify for our 'life experience' discount!"

I was going to post when every guy you masturbate to is over forty, but that's been the case for me since I was a teenager

The exact moment I felt older was when someone asked me what year the coin was that I was holding and I couldn't tell him

R211 ??? I don't get it. Who asks about the year of coins? Were you holding a dubloon?

R212 Eyesight, dear. The dates on coins are written in very small print.

R213- Any datalounge queen who uses dear in a sentence is GETTING OLD.

R214 You're catching on to the theme of this thread, honeybun.

Your colon insists on not functioning like when you were a teenager.

R215- Anyone who uses HONEYBUN in a sentence is turning into an old SOUTHERN queen.

R217 You're learning, punkin!

I had a great example to tell and it slipped my mind.

Night driving - you swear it’s the new street lights’ fault.

You go to the kitchen or another room for something but you forgotten what when you get there.

You feel good about the way you look standing up shirtless in front of the mirror … and then you sit down, when your collagen starved body decides to spread all over your middle.

R221 And do it two or three times until you finally remember what it is you want from or you're doing in that room.

Two words: hip replacement,

You don’t enjoy driving at night.

For the multi-linguals: you blank out in all languages, can't remember what the object is called in any language, including English.

You hear the word “hip” and being cool is not the first thing that comes to mind.

When someone call you senile.

When you can't fill out a form because the pull-down menu doesn't list your birth year.

You have one of these in almost every room. You’re even thinking of getting one for the car!

You start Googling old folks homes.

Oh my God, no. No way.

You have a drink. A big one.

Then fall asleep. Because it's so much better than lying there pondering what the future holds.

You stop reading books.

You find yourself tuning into the oldies radio stations.

You constantly return to shows like Buffy and pretend it's still the nineties. You dislike most popular music. Baristas stare at you like they think you're going to keel over when you order a coffee.

You keep talking about the good ole days

R231- You sound like a character in Andrew Holleran's latest book.

You don't recognize yourself in mirrors outside of your home.

This is a serious one:

I've noticed that I've lost my natural easy smile in photos and see that's true of a lots of elder people.

You do sit ups and other floor exercises every day but still have trouble getting up off the floor each time.

You decide it's finally time to call your sister, when you haven't spoken for 30 years after what she said to you at that picnic. But only because you can no longer remember her exact words.

See if you are going to die in within the next 10 years (for 50's and over only). I'm sure it is a load of bullshit though.

I did it multiple times with each leg and had no issues.

When you pull out of diving competitions for a year to rest and spend time with your family.

I can never tell if I'm having heart burn, constipation, heart attack or just overall body pain. I also don't sleep much anymore and it sucks.

Thanks r230. I ordered the Grabber Plus. There are so many to choose from.

r232, I've been using a Kindle since 2011, IIRC (I type IIRC a lot).

I'll order the kindle version, r236. Thanks for the reminder that the Holleran book is out. I'll order it today.

It used to be, when people would find out how old I am they would say "Wow! you look *at least* 10 years younger!" Nowadays, they usually whistle, and say, "That's IMPOSSIBLE!! You look like someone TWENTY-FIVE years younger than that!!"

Reading glasses tucked away all over the place. You can't do anything without them but you're always putting them down somewhere forgotten.

^Reading glasses, computer glasses, driving glasses, ad nauseam. AND you have to turn on every light in any room after sundown, to be able to feel like you aren't going blind.

R247 And they only sell 100w bulbs when you want 250w.

I turn 51 next month, and I'd say that's a pretty good sign.

I'm tired ALL day EVERYDAY

My partner is on a business trip, so I sent him a dick pic and noticed that I have a LOT of grey pubic hair. I immediately ordered a personal shaver from Amazon. Fuck that. He has light hair, so his are barely visible. Mine really stand out. I have been working 50-60 hour weeks, and I guess it’s taking a toll on my dick. I’m 42.

You accept that your hemorrhoids will now have to suffice as your G spot.

Gen Xers are now well into senior citizen territory. They can get the discount at McD's now. LOL. They are the thing they always hated. They survived the aids but will they survive facial wasting and bone loss.

R253- shut up

At least we can hold conversations, R253, and aren't married to our phones. Is your Meme giving you a GOOD time?

Getting out of the car can be a dangerous health hazard.

R38- Someone who was only 10 years old in 1992 is now FORTY.

Oh shut up, R38

R254 Are you supposed to be a Gen Xer, retard fuckhead. Shut up! is such a 5 years old comeback. Fucking cunt.

I wouldn't put too much confidence in R241's study.

[quote]The study sampled 1702 participants aged between 51 and 75. Two thirds of the cohort were men.

As usual, it oversampled men. All men, but especially old men who almost all seem to be shaped like a potato with toothpick legs, have balance issues. They also drop dead a lot once they are over 50.

Wriggling out of my skinny jeans each night can be treacherous!

The dick knows his business, but the whole prostate/colon/bladder cabal dictates my day as well as my diet.

What happened with popcorn, R262?

When you are out of fucks to give.

R244 as someone with a lot of back problems those grabbers are a lifesaver! I’d rather use them than risk throwing out my back bending over to pick something up. You can find good prices on Amazon. I even bought one with a little light at the end!

The kids start referring to you as sir or ma’am.

^The OLD people start referring to you as Sir or Ma'am

You're no longer steady enough on your feet to climb on a chair and change a light bulb.

I don’t remember how many men I’ve had sex with

You start realizing how your own country is based on feeding people's addictions nonstop. Booze, coffee, sugar, internet, gambling, etc. Why pay so much for a coffee when you can go home, put on slippers, make some, or even better, a nice cup of tea.

I've never liked buying coffee out. What I make at home, Peet's Major Dickason through a Melitta cone & filter, is so much better. I make one cup at a time.

This thread is depressing AF! Outside of reading glasses, graying hair and forgetfulness at times (fixed with Prevagen!), it is not THAT bad.

When 90% of the reviews you write on the IMDb are for films made before 1990, and 90% of the films you review made after 1990 you pan.

Does Prevagen really work? Is that the drug that Sas and her hubby hawk?

R274, 1 extra strength Prev chewable with a 120 mg Ginkgo cap works wonders for me!

You start noticing really hot beautiful young men at your club or gym who are totally inappropriate because of their age and because you are long time friends of their parents. This really becomes a problem in your late 50s.

You start noticing the selfishness of young people and how they seem to have all the warmth and fuzziness of ice cubes.

R221, That's how I know gotta stop using coke. I'm 33 and that happens to me quite often. 2 weeks strong guys.

r287. if you're 33 it's a bad sign that you're reading this thread.

R272 You keep telling yourself that…

When the music of your youth is being played, not in the oldies station, but in the classical music station.

Oh honey, R269, I could not remember that at 30.

When you can't find your reading glasses and they are not in their usual places. So you get in a panic looking all over for them. You start cussing and are on the verge of tears, close to having a nervous breakdown. Then a couple hours later, when you have to go pee, you see your reflection in the mirror and the were on top of your head the whole time.

You try to get on the interstate using the off ramp.

When you watch walkabout videos of places like Paris or Rome and think "Done that, no thanks!"

Your texts start looking like this and you,re too vision impaired to to notice..

I'm the one who has been meaning to get my eyes checked since before Covid. I will be out of town next week, but I am going in for an eye test the week after, promise.

R282- Sit down 🪑. We need to talk.

You're a WHORE darlin.

^autocorrect fixed some of it, but you get the idea. Double spaces between words, random periods midsentence, double periods at the end, and so on.

R284, oh my. You should not be driving anymore.

[quote]I don’t remember how many men I’ve had sex with

I reached that milestone at age 25

Your bulging Grave’s disease eyeballs are the only bulge you have left.

Your fingers feel stiff and swollen after typing for a few hours

R284, I am going to track down your IP address. You should be forbidden from driving. Pls make this easy on yourself.

[quote]My advise..."Don't sweat the small stuff"

My advice: learn how to spell correctly.

You are a slut, R290!

R295 And he wears it like a badge of honour.

Threading a needle becomes quite an achievement.

I'm on Data Lounge.

When your eyebrows start turning gray/silver/white

When the gayest part of your eyebrow decides to grow at a faster rate than your nose hair.

You can't stand the sound of music in any store- restaurant, Trader Joe's etc

R283: One time recently I was in a fury about not being able to find my reading glasses, and I reached the point where, all alone in my house, I started screaming "WHERE ARE MY READING GLASSES?!!" I suddenly became aware that I was actually holding them in my left hand. For real...

^ So done that, although they were hanging from the collar of my t-shirt, where I usually put them so I won't forget where they are....

The shock of learning, whatever you do, no matter what you imagined or what you ignored, the body and brain actually do start to slow down.

The lyrics to The Man that Got Away are actually a great allegory for aging, and particularly so for the gay man.

R304, I recently did something similar with the iPhone. I put it on the table, went to get some water and, when I came back, I couldn't find it. The screen had gone dark it does and it was on a dark table. I wasn't gone that long though! I shouldn't have misplaced it.

The owner has installed a Nest thermostat in your AirBnB and you can’t fucking figure out how to override the owner's settings.

We know what you mean, Miss r290!

We recently tried to count our ex-husbands,,,,the number came to 7!

Did I already say this? Every year my date from birth years increase. This means I am getting older.

I used to belong to an outdoors group in NYC called Sundance- I've very recently rejoined but have not been on an outing yet) I would go to these Sundance parties- The Christmas party and or the Sundance Anniversary party and these queens that I never met would be so NASTY towards me for no reason. This happened a number of times. I understand now. They were over the hill and were FURIOUS that they couldn't attract men anymore or at least guys that they were attracted to. They took it out on me- not that I was some sort of SUPER stud but I was considerably younger and more attractive than them. I stopped going to those parties/gatherings because I did not want to be the victim of their VENOM. I'm trying to avoid that kind of bitterness myself nowadays. I don't want to become a BITTER OLD QUEEN like the ones I used to encounter at Sundance. Unfortunately there are PLENTY of bitter old queens here on datalounge too.

Discovering that I'm 10 years older than some bald, decrepit old geezer newscaster I'd been referring to as "that old news guy."

All my public hairy has fallen out.

The hair on my head remains as thick as ever, ditto under my arms but my bush is gone and I'm not even 60.

R311 why is your pubic hair public. Your such a whore.

^My nephews have ragged me for shaving my legs for years because they went stone bald years ago.

Huh OP? Get the fuck off my social media!!

You enjoy peace and quiet

When the gray pubes are starting to outnumber the brown ones.

When the salesclerk recommends a particular item because it’s the one his parents like

Give us an example, R317.

You get together with friends... and end up discussing politics.

All the little things you need to do to keep your life in order start to seem like a big chore. And you begin to understand why your kin spent their last years in a rest home happily parked in front of the TV.

[quote] I started screaming "WHERE ARE MY READING GLASSES?!!" I suddenly became aware that I was actually holding them in my left hand. For real...

wallet, smartphone, sun glasses. Definitely real. Definitely a geezer moment.

I stopped going to parties about 7 or 8 years ago, including almost all dinner parties, because I realized that "adults" bore the living shit out of me, and I would MUCH rather be fast asleep by 10:00 than listening to conversation that is about as interesting as what goes on at any business meeting.

You agree with Clarence Thomas and babble on about the good old days

Phrases from Frank Zappa, David Byrne, and oddly enough Tanya Tucker pop into your brain when young, fiery, social workers discuss our shithole system.

At times you feel content to just let life pass you by and let others get on with it.

R319, Polident, Metamucil, Depends...

Sorry, ^ was for R318.

I'm old

R326 r327

Hi R328! Made you post R329. Grow up.

R329 - what exactly are you trying to convey to R328 R326 & R327? I just don't get it, R329.

R330: just you have me blocked, evidently, but then you post the Rs to read it anyway. It's pathetic.

R318, iPhone case at Staples

Technology upgrades and related system changes at work fill you with dread and resentment.

People in their thirties call you "sir."

My tots are to my knees

^^tits

R67 Well damn, you've got to be one of our most elderly Eldergays if you're older than him.

R337- No, I'm MUCH younger than my doctor.

My semen used to shoot 3-4 feet. And this distance lasted for many, many years. Now I have to edge for a long time to get that kind of distance nowadays.

R339 should be posted to the "Describe something mundane that should be classified as a sport" thread.

R339 Speaking of dribble.... ok, pissing, we're done... oh, we're not done... oh, we're done... wait, what the fuck, we're not done....

(I hate this thread)

R341 has trouble even dribbling.

“But, wait, here’s a last slow trickle. Oh, now the pants are up and zipped. We could pee agsin. This was more of a pre-piss. I mean, we could wait a half hour, but we are here and all,”

My bladder and penis have teamed up to get as much bathroom air as possible.

When I was young and beautiful I used to see middle aged and older people standing in line or crossing the parking lot (I worked at Target) with their faces all screwed up -- grimacing or squinting, frowning with a furrowed brow-- sometimes all the above, and I would wonder how people could walk around in public with those crazy ass expressions. Did they have no self-awareness? Didn't they practice their 'public expressions' in the mirror as I had?

Now I have to remind myself to relax my face (but not too much!) when my sciatica is flaring up and the sun is in my eyes as I am pushing the cart back to the cart corral. You can't imagine at 16 what it feels like 30, 40, 50 years later. Your only priority is looking good.

When you notice everywhere you go, to stores, restaurants, streets seem to be filled with young people. No old people to bee seen until you catch a gimps of yourself in the window reflection.

Your fellow Dataloungers type things like this at you when you relate an experience from the past:

[quote]How old ARE you, OP?

R319, or worse, the aches and pains you all have and what you take for them.

I've noticed that I now start waking up before my alarm. It's set for 6:15 am but, more often than not, I'm awake between 5:30 and 6:10 am. I remember being someone who could sleep through their alarm or, on weekends, not set it and wake up at 8 am.

[quote]When you notice everywhere you go, to stores, restaurants, streets seem to be filled with young people. No old people to bee seen until you catch a gimps of yourself in the window reflection.

Same here, apart from the reflection thing which I avoid.

R348 - You sound like a character in an Andrew Holleran novel.

Your analogy is lost on me, R349, but I'm sure it's complimentary.

Andrew Holleran has been bitching about being a single, "left alone," lonely OLD Gay ever since, at least, the late 1970s. I wouldn't pay him too much attention, and in fact haven't in about 4 decades now. Is he still kicking?

R351 Yes, Holleran is still alive, complaining that he can't score in the bars...

That's Alexander Imich, onetime world's oldest man, r352, who died at 111 in 2014.

Is it fun being an asshole?

R352- Can you still score in the bars?

How do you know that, R353???

R353 R354 Oh, Rose, you're so stuck up....

I was upset when I turned 25. Complained to family, friends, then bf that I was a quarter of a century and old!😅 To be young and dumb again.