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Do you ever think about killing yourself?

I mean REALLY think about it?

by Anonymousreply 73May 21, 2022 9:14 PM

Get a pet it helps. I have such a pain in the ass (but lovable) cat that I have to stick around for him, I don't think anybody else could take care of him like I do.

by Anonymousreply 1May 18, 2022 6:38 PM

Yup. All the time.

by Anonymousreply 2May 18, 2022 6:41 PM

I've had suicidal ideation since I was a teen and through all the therapy and all the pills, at the grand old age of 50, it's getting stronger.

by Anonymousreply 3May 18, 2022 6:52 PM

My only hope is that when I have exhausted all hope I will have the courage to go through with it.

by Anonymousreply 4May 18, 2022 6:54 PM

Life..

by Anonymousreply 5May 18, 2022 6:56 PM

Yes. Not lately.

by Anonymousreply 6May 18, 2022 6:57 PM

Yes, OP. Periodically since I was about 12.

Another post I made on the topic:

My fear is that someday, something will happen that will feel like the last straw in that moment and the despair will overwhelm me. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts, off and on, for 2/3 of my life. Been hospitalized several times for it. It's been a long fucking battle. I'm tired. And I just feel like there is going to come a time when I won't be able to handle it anymore

And it both pisses me off and scares me, because I genuinely enjoy life and being alive

by Anonymousreply 7May 18, 2022 7:00 PM

Also (I'm r7):

And the truth of the matter is that, when I'm at my most suicidal, it's not something that can be explained in a call to a suicide hotline. I mean, I suppose that is good for getting past an acute crisis. But wanting to kill myself is never related to one thing. It's a lifetime of self-loathing and disappointments, large and small. It's not a single rejection or rebuff; it's them all, it's the pattern of failed relationships. It's the futility of finding justice or even an apology for past mistreatment, some of it egregious. It's the feeling that I am a burden, and the desire to not hurt anyone else anymore.

It's all of it, and the only way to understand it would be to have lived my life, and experienced all my states of mind, from the beginning.

by Anonymousreply 8May 18, 2022 7:01 PM

The worst part is you cannot have a rational conversation about it with anyone because they go right into panic mode. And I understand it's not an easy topic to discuss anyway. But the minute someone says they're considering suicide, that need to bubble wrap them and start a 24 hour watch kicks in.

by Anonymousreply 9May 18, 2022 7:04 PM

r9 well, heck, some of the laws are so vague, you can be open to lawsuits for not being gun ho about preventing it.

by Anonymousreply 10May 18, 2022 7:07 PM

Yup. Frequently. I'm planning on ending it in February 2027.

by Anonymousreply 11May 18, 2022 7:52 PM

Why then, r11?

by Anonymousreply 12May 18, 2022 7:59 PM

Yes- especially lately.

I am 44 now and everything seems like it was an illusion here. Nothing really matters. For the first time in my entire life I have no dreams and no goals (that's the part that is scaring me)

And these shootings and this government (and worse- the government to come- its horrifying)

I try to now appreciate the small things

by Anonymousreply 13May 18, 2022 8:02 PM

Yes, constantly. Getting older, being marginalized at work and wondering what my 401K will end up as, freaks me out everyday. My company just went to an ESOP and they have become youth centric. I hear I have 'institutional knowledge' and I'm too valuable to lose, but having golf/soccer loving 40 year old bosses - I'm 60 - does not give me any confidence they wouldn't dump me at any time.

by Anonymousreply 14May 18, 2022 8:17 PM

Get off social media, don't watch the news and don't look in the mirror. It can help a little,

by Anonymousreply 15May 18, 2022 8:30 PM

R9 blame litigious families of people who ended their lives while in therapy or after leaving a hospital. Our state boards of licensure shove it down our throats that it’s our fault if someone makes their own decision to end their life.

by Anonymousreply 16May 18, 2022 8:33 PM

Yes but I coexist with it.

A voice in my head frequently suggests I kill myself. Especially when I’m overwhelmed.

I was verbally abused as a child and it feels like damage from that.

I tell it to stop, go away and then I try to do or at least think of something compassionate for myself.

by Anonymousreply 17May 18, 2022 8:42 PM

"And these shootings and this government (and worse- the government to come- its horrifying)"

Boy R13, you really nailed it. That thought scares the hell out of me. So glad I'm old. It would be scary as fuck to be in my 20's and have this going on.

by Anonymousreply 18May 18, 2022 8:51 PM

Almost everyday, things seem so usless. Everything sucks. The father of the child that I helped raise is cutting me out of their life because he is in a "Serious relationship" with some piece of garbage he met on Grindr. At least the child knows I'm devoted to him, completely.

I've been looking for a therapist, but there are wait lists months long.

But, I could never kill myself. I have thoughts, and how easy it could be, but I could never. I've had close friends do it, and it was horrible, for everyone involved. I could never do it, because of the kid. I'm not a coward. And killing yourself is not the answer for anything.

I can also understand how one can feel that killing oneself is the olny way out. Like, you are drowning, and you have no ther choice.

by Anonymousreply 19May 18, 2022 9:42 PM

I have thought about it but not REALLY to the extent that I planned anything. I guess I always thought about the consequences.

by Anonymousreply 20May 18, 2022 10:08 PM

Tell me about it. Always a mistress, never a bride.

by Anonymousreply 21May 18, 2022 10:11 PM

I do periodically, usually during a financial crisis.

[quote]My company just went to an ESOP and they have become youth centric. I hear I have 'institutional knowledge' and I'm too valuable to lose, but having golf/soccer loving 40 year old bosses - I'm 60 - does not give me any confidence they wouldn't dump me at any time.

Our company did the same a few yes ago, and we get endless guilt trips from the department supervisor because we don't want to Zumba after a long day of dealing with asshole administrators, parents, and special ed kids. Most of the event planners are dipshit, able-bodied 20 and 30 somethings. I'm a jaded, disabled 50 something.

by Anonymousreply 22May 19, 2022 1:04 AM

^ *years ago

by Anonymousreply 23May 19, 2022 1:06 AM

He’s back again with another doom and gloom themed thread.

by Anonymousreply 24May 19, 2022 1:22 AM

I think most people do at some point in their lives. I think about it a lot, actually, but I wouldn't do it. It's just a way of thinking that yes, there is a way out of this mess, even if it's not one I'll do. Just knowing it exists soothes me.

by Anonymousreply 25May 19, 2022 1:34 AM

I’m 50 and have thought about it daily or weekly since middle school. I held on for a long time because I always hoped that things would get better (and they did, intermittently). As I get older, and have lost my looks, things seem incredibly bleak. I don’t know if things will get any better, and suspect that they will get much worse. My ass is sagging, despite grueling workouts. My short term memory is terrible. I don’t have any friends, and honestly don’t have any interest in meeting new people. It all seems like a bother. It seems pointless to continue to live this mundane existence for too much longer.

by Anonymousreply 26May 19, 2022 2:05 AM

If there was a legal, practically painless way I’d be out. Such an untapped market exists.

by Anonymousreply 27May 19, 2022 2:12 AM

I held on for a long time because I didn't want to cause my mom the pain. I knew she would never recover and I could not do that to her. She died a couple years back but I thought I would keep trying to go on. Now, especially that it looks like Covid will never be over, I'm finding it hard to find any reason to bother.

by Anonymousreply 28May 19, 2022 2:16 AM

Same here. I'm hanging in there. Life is shit. There are so many animals that need your help. Adopt a senior cat or dog if you can. At least you can make someone's life better and reduce suffering while you are here. If that's not a great thing to do, I don't know what is. Just remember that no matter how wealthy, successful or good looking someone is, we all feel the same way. Chin up and tits out, girls!!!! Hugs!!!!

by Anonymousreply 29May 19, 2022 2:20 AM

Yup yup yup. I have a tendency to turn to suicidal ideation at the drop of a hat. When I was young and stuck with an abusive family that was pretty much the start of it. As a kid I tacked a chart to my bedroom wall titled "100 days to freedom" and figured if I reached 100 days of wanting to kill myself in a year then it would be a logical thing to do. I think I only got to about 25 or so?

Nowadays I pretty much like my life, but still think about it occasionally. These days, if I'm unhappy, I usually think to myself - ok, but first you have to spend everything you earned, that's logical. And it's a pretty good deterrent (I've done well financially, at least).

Nowadays I'm happy most of the time, but I still often consider (quite cheerfully) that there's an age when I'd like to off myself before becoming infirm. I hope by then people can just say "OK, I'm done" and go in for a medical procedure, but if not I'm planning accordingly.

I have never, ever confided in anyone IRL about any of this. Even as a kid I was wary of people who would stand in my way. Also, I've avoided very close relationships because they just tie me down. My friends will be sad, but they won't be destroyed.

To those considering suicide, I'd encourage you to not do anything while you're very upset. Try to find the occasional joy in life, and maybe tack a list to the wall? When you're in pain it seems like it's endless but it's easy to forget better days when you're in that funk.

by Anonymousreply 30May 19, 2022 2:37 AM

Everyone thinks about it. How are you going to do it, where will you do it, who will find you, will you be found, and of course whether or not to leave a will, etc.

I think a lot of suicides are spontaneous after a devastating blow like the end of a relationship, or death of someone close.

I think it's natural to think about these things. I think 100% of people who have aged to 50 or more have given it significant thought.

It doesn't mean you're going to do it, it might be an inspiration to get those affairs in order. No one ever really wants to think about the end of life.

If you're feeling really down watch this

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 31May 19, 2022 2:42 AM

Yes.

by Anonymousreply 32May 19, 2022 3:41 AM

Anyone living on this planet has at one time or another. Especially in the last two years.

by Anonymousreply 33May 19, 2022 3:59 AM

when i have a terminal illness i will

i plan to go to amsterdam and have a hot dutch boy with a beautiful sit on my face and suffocate me

by Anonymousreply 34May 19, 2022 4:03 AM

Yeah I have since my early teens. It’s just part of life for me. I take antidepressants and resist the urge but the thoughts never go away.

by Anonymousreply 35May 19, 2022 4:04 AM

Every single day I contemplate stepping in front of a bus or truck on my way to work.

by Anonymousreply 36May 19, 2022 4:06 AM

Yes, I have. It's gotten worse over the past two years. Interestingly, I had no problem with the initial lockdown of COVID. I loved not going to work, not dealing with transit, not dealing with people. As we have gradually opened up again, I find my social anxiety has increased. I'm also in a war with my landlord (long story, they are making my living situation a nightmare). I just find this is such a cold world and although I'm in my 40s, for some reason, I still cannot wrap my head around that. I know there are good people in the world but there is a lot of shit to deal with and I'm tired. Every day is a struggle so I find I take it day by day. I used to have so much hope and things to look forward to; I find those days are long gone. I appreciate this thread, though. It's nice to know others are in the same boat or have similar thoughts. It's not easy to talk about things like this so I'm grateful that even Datalounge can be an aid.

by Anonymousreply 37May 20, 2022 2:11 AM

Only if I get very sick with cancer and don't want to suffer through all that.

by Anonymousreply 38May 20, 2022 3:14 AM

Most OPs need to be killed these days. They are horrible unfunny fucking brain dead cunt trolls.

by Anonymousreply 39May 20, 2022 3:19 AM

Yeah, this is one one those topics that you can never have a real life honest discussion about. It freaks people out.

by Anonymousreply 40May 20, 2022 3:26 AM

I think another reason is we are all dealing with our own issues and we go out into the world each day and deal with other people's issues. I can feel their anger, hostility, rage, and depression and it gets to me. Combining my own shit with theirs can be overwhelming and taxing day after day.

by Anonymousreply 41May 20, 2022 3:29 AM

No, not in several decades. But I did seriously consider it in my mid-teens once, and I think I came close to acting on it.

I was completely fucked-up from a THC high, and was feeling so delusional and bad inside, that I just wanted to off myself to stop the pain and end the high, but fortunately, my older brother’s girlfriend happened to see me fumbling around in a kitchen drawer full of large knives and asked in astonishment what I was doing (it was obvious I wasn’t making any food), and I replied that I was going to kill myself. She and my brother pulled me out of the abyss via a very long talk that night.

I’m not sure what I would’ve actually done, but it felt extremely serious to me at that moment in time as I recall it.

by Anonymousreply 42May 20, 2022 3:50 AM

We attempted self-euthanasia a couple of times but miraculously survived!

by Anonymousreply 43May 20, 2022 5:05 AM

Today I was reading about the monkeypox outbreak and I thought to myself- the world itself really isn't long for this world. I feel like over the past few years we have been given several signs that the earth itself is tired and ready to throw in the towel. And when you see that, it's kind of difficult to muster up the push to keep going. If the earth can't do it, how the fuck am I supposed to?

by Anonymousreply 44May 20, 2022 6:17 AM

I have thought about it more than I should the last year. I am a 56 yr old woman taking sole care of my 86 year old mom with Alzheimer’s. My life took a bit of a tumble about ten years ago (financially and emotionally) and i didn’t get myself back on my feet as fast as I should have. I moved my mom and all of our worldly possessions (books, books, books) into a rental 8 years ago - I don’t have brothers , sisters aunts uncles nieces or nephews - no family -(love of my life met and married someone else while we were engaged);… just my mom and our 14 year old cat Sunny. Finances took a big hit during Covid. My mom can’t drive, cook or dial a phone these days - she has always been my best friend but she now thinks I am Her mother a lot of the time. Our landlords are acting funny - the thought of packing up now and moving my with my mom is so Grey Gardens I can’t take it. I have a few good life long friends but most are in happy relationships and own homes and are starting retirement. I get the feeling from most of them they don’t want to “get stuck” with me. My best friend of 30 years (happily married and content) has frosted me out ( ala Mary Tyler Moore in Ordinary People) a few weeks ago . I was sort of STUNNED that she chose now to cut and run - it shows me I really count on anyone to be there. I have lost my “nerve” lately when I need it the most. Rent and bills come faster and damn - I am frankly terrified. But I am usually an optimist so I hope and pray and plan to turn it around - but I’d be lying if I said that my back isn’t against the wall. Everything seemed to happen fast. ….. Hey thank you for letting me type - I know so many people are in worse situations.

by Anonymousreply 45May 20, 2022 6:40 AM

That sounds like a tough situation, R45. I wish I had some words of advice or encouragement that wouldn't sound hollow, since I'm one of the other people on here who has posted similar things, but I do sincerely hope you can find a way to see things through. And I'm happy to listen on here, as I'm sure others are. : )

by Anonymousreply 46May 20, 2022 6:47 AM

To be honest, I've been through a living nightmare for the last 13 years with a medical injury, being completely bankrupted, forced to sell my home and buy something of less value to survive for a few years after repeatedly being denied disability or any help whatsoever, then forced to sell that home 3.5 years ago. I will be in that situation again and I still have this never ending respect for life and to hopefully one day get back to some sort of normalcy.

Despite all of that, I honestly have never thought ending it was the solution, but sometimes wondered if it was my only option, if I could not take care of my self.

by Anonymousreply 47May 20, 2022 6:51 AM

R44 Walk in front of the nearest bus or semi-truck. End it now, cunt.

by Anonymousreply 48May 20, 2022 6:51 AM

Everyone thinks about this. The fastest way is bullet but it's also the messiest. I have no close family, no one who visits regularly, so if I offed myself in my home I'd rot and it would be a big mess either way.

My thinking is you do it outside so people can just hose you into the drains. I used to worry so much about how to divide up the estate but there's going to be such a claws out fight no matter what, I don't think I'll do that, just out of spite. I don't believe you survive in any conscious way after death, except as plant food, but just in case you get to be a ghost for awhile it would be fun to watch all my cousins discover each other as they fight over the leavings.

by Anonymousreply 49May 20, 2022 6:52 AM

I feel that last comment from R9. A few years ago, my best friend sent me some messages about how sad and depressed he was then sent a picture of him in the bathroom tub with a razor and a bottle of wine.

I jumped in my car and rushed over, knocked furiously on the front door to no answer. Found an ajar window and climbed in and found him sobbing in the dark bathroom.

Ever since that moment I’m almost in a constant state of worry for him. Any time it takes him a while to reply to a message, I worry. It definitely keeps me awake some nights. One time after a breakup he told me he was going on a solo hike to clear his head. I made him turn on “find my friends” just so I could track him. He must have guessed as to why I asked because he turned it on willingly without complaint.

by Anonymousreply 50May 20, 2022 7:01 AM

Hey #46 - Thank you very much!!

#45

by Anonymousreply 51May 20, 2022 7:06 AM

Never..

by Anonymousreply 52May 20, 2022 7:25 AM

Also, R45, please give Sunny a big hug for me. I lost my little guy earlier this year after nearly 17 years and it's left a huge hole in my heart. They definitely help.

by Anonymousreply 53May 20, 2022 7:41 AM

Yes...

by Anonymousreply 54May 20, 2022 7:47 AM

Wishing the best for you r45. I hope things turn around for you.

And you are a very good friend r50.

by Anonymousreply 55May 20, 2022 7:48 AM

R50 you are a sucker. He will not name you in his will. He is manipulating you, he is an asshole.

For the love of god, run away from him.

You in danger gurl.

by Anonymousreply 56May 20, 2022 8:45 AM

Yes. All the time and when my pets have passed I'm making a final exit.

by Anonymousreply 57May 20, 2022 8:55 AM

A lot of this is just drama queens acting out...more drama.

99% of the time, this is just an attention grab.

by Anonymousreply 58May 20, 2022 9:08 AM

^^ Yes, that’s what many suicide attempts are; a dramatic, but also desperate, cry for help. They are not acts of vanity 99% of the time.

by Anonymousreply 59May 20, 2022 2:48 PM

I'll be 51 in July, I'm autistic and have never had a "normal" life, and we found out last year that my mother (the only person I've ever truly loved and trusted) has dementia and eventually will be just a shell with no memory of herself, or of me, so, I think about it a lot these days.

by Anonymousreply 60May 20, 2022 6:30 PM

When I was five years old I got into a bad car accident with my family and my aunt died as a result of it. I had to get stitches on my head. I was five years old. I wish it had been me that died in the accident instead. I hate my life and don’t see it ever getting better. I have a shitty family life and have no friends except for one. Have never been in love. Just graduated and still don’t have a job. Just stay locked up in my room all day. I’m better off dead than alive.

by Anonymousreply 61May 20, 2022 7:51 PM

The grim reality I've found in life is that it doesn't always get better. What is the answer, then? Just keep going? Why? For more disappointment and stress? It doesn't make sense to me.

by Anonymousreply 62May 20, 2022 7:56 PM

How you repulsive cunts can get through even one miserable day is mystifying. You all deserve a fucking award.

by Anonymousreply 63May 20, 2022 11:33 PM

R63 one wonders what you are doing on every thread about suicide of you find the topic do distasteful?

by Anonymousreply 64May 20, 2022 11:53 PM

Myself?

No.

by Anonymousreply 65May 20, 2022 11:54 PM

I sublimate.

by Anonymousreply 66May 20, 2022 11:55 PM

I think these thoughts are very normal. Life becomes a habit, but it's a powerful habit. Good luck, everyone.

by Anonymousreply 67May 20, 2022 11:56 PM

I think what causes people not to follow through is the potential messiness and pain and the fear of it not being successful (ie. you harm yourself but then you are paralyzed).

It's sad that people get to such a state that they think like this, but I totally understand and get to that state many times. The worst is late at night/early morning when your thoughts run wild.

by Anonymousreply 68May 21, 2022 2:07 AM

There is this play called 4:48. It's been scientifically proved that people think about suicide and kill themselves most often in 4:48 in the morning.

by Anonymousreply 69May 21, 2022 3:35 AM

Thought about it, like everyone does, no real inclination to do it. But I do think of what it would do to the people who love me, how it would tear them up, never get past it. I’ve know a suicide, everyone still feels bad about it years later. One thing, and it probably would not stop one person who really would do it, they are lost in their personal hell, but there are many ghosts that were suicides. What that is, I don’t know, but I know that is true. I would not want to spend eternity doing that over and over again.

by Anonymousreply 70May 21, 2022 3:49 AM

I live near a Cabelas store and a few years ago a guy went into the store and acted like he was going to buy a gun and ammo. He then ran out of the store with them both, into the hilly open area behind my home, and shot himself in the head. They sent out an alert on my phone to lock the doors, because they didn’t know where he was going with the gun. I thought it was pretty smart (no mess and insured that the police will find you fast).

by Anonymousreply 71May 21, 2022 6:53 PM

What moron gun shop clerk would hand a loaded gun to a customer?

by Anonymousreply 72May 21, 2022 7:07 PM

I’m sure that he asked for them separately, then loaded it once he got out of the store, r72.

by Anonymousreply 73May 21, 2022 9:14 PM
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