Splitting a Bill: Equally or By Person

I stopped going out with large groups of people a long time ago. Too many fucking alkies want you to pick up the tab for their drunken escapades. Fuck that shit.

When I'm out with friends, we get the bill and look it over. If it's within a couple bucks, we split it.

If there's a significant difference, we pay our own shares. None of my friends have ever had a problem with that.

There are times when my share is significantly larger. I'd feel like an asshole making my friends cover my food and drinks.

Twitter apparently thinks you should pay equally because "your friends are worth it"

Twitter apparently does not know "my friends"

Some people depend on others carrying their excesses. One old former friend in NYC was always "forgetting" her wallet and would pick up the whole check next time. Next time never came.

I would tell the waitstaff that I want a separate check right when I order.

You're welcome.

If I know my part of the bill is lowest (and it generally is, because I don't drink much), I just suggest splitting it equally. On the rare occasion my part is highest, i'll contribute more or just pick up the whole check. I would be mortified if someone thought I was trying to be cheap, so it's worth it to me to pay more than my fair share sometimes.

I am not a fan of splitting it equally unless it is truly equal (i.e. everyone had a set menu, same number of drinks etc) which is quite rare. I don't want to be subsidising someone else's choices, and equally I wouldn't want someone subsidising me if I happened to have a more expensive share. Typically, I don't tend to drink alcohol with a meal and I usually pick a vegetarian option which is generally cheaper, so it's more likely I will have a cheaper share. I don't feel any embarrassment at simply paying for what I had.

oh this will end in tears

I usually split equally unless someone orders something exorbitant. I do know one person that likes to order apps, drinks, dessert and coffee after when everyone else is having one entree and drink. Hell no to splitting that equally.

last night is an example. three guys, one just sat and had water, one drank and had dinner, the other guy just drank. the guy with water left early but left a five dollar bill just to be nice. the other two split the bill, but the guy who ate paid the whole tip. was it fair? maybe not entirely, but did it work? sure.

I pay for what I ordered. If it's a pretty close friend, I like to just pay the whole bill. The next time, my friend will pay the whole bill. Etc.

All I know if if any of my friends get into a cheap nickel and dime session, it's the very last time I go out with them. I despise cheap people.

[quote]I would be mortified if someone thought I was trying to be cheap

In addition to this, I also wonder if sometimes people fear looking as if they can't afford it -- i.e., the fear of having your friends think you're not doing as well financially as everyone else at the table and so you agree to go equal on the bill despite not having ordered as much as everyone else.

With good friends, we are comfortable enough to make sure it's fair. If that is splitting the bill and if it's not equitable, then those who should pay more, pick up the tip portion. This happens to me a lot because I don't drink alcohol or coffee and I'm not big on desserts. Invariably my bill is smaller.

Obviously the easiest is everyone getting their own bill but that's not always possible. I grew in LA and this was uncommon. I was surprised by this practice when I moved to the east coast.

Recently I met up with coworkers for lunch. It was my first face to face meeting with them since we all work from home. We split the bill and my $17 lunch turned into a $33 bill. We were in a hurry to get to a meeting and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But any more lunches going forward, I will have say something.

I can't stand when people get "T-Rex arms" when the bill is placed on the table.

Normally, we split the bill evenly, but in a case like this, where the bill includes a lot of alcohol and one person didn’t drink, we’d make an exception and they’d pay for what they ordered, and the rest of us would split the remainder.

I ask for separate checks. It’s easier.

I always feel so sorry for the people that take group orders at work. They will take orders for 8-10 people and people will Venmo or give cash. Somehow they always end up short. I always add 25% for tip and tax on mine and they still end up short. I suspect it’s the few older people that are clueless about how online ordering works and give the exact dollar amount of their items.

R19 YES! My cheap ass colleagues (some of them) will use the prices from a menu they've had in their desk drawers from years ago. There's always a person who will try to pay to the penny (no tip) and actually pay in coins. That's ANOTHER thing I don't miss about working in the office full-time...office lunch orders. Everyone, thankfully, does their own thing when we're here just two days a week.

[quote] I always feel so sorry for the people that take group orders at work.

I did that once and it was the last time, trying to be nice. People bitching about their orders, not enough money, blah blah blah. Never again.

It depends. If there are 30 people at the table who wants to bother with negotiations? Just divide the bill equally and let the drinkers leave the tip.

There's nothing more gauche than lingering over the cheque.

I stopped getting lunches like that at work years ago. It is pretty much every negative thing discussed in the Sows At The Trough threads x3.

Any food order takes 2 hours before the actual order is called in, because the topic of where to order from and what to get must be approached with substantial research and discussion.

Then the food is delivered and everyone takes 90 minutes (a half hour over their allotted time) to eat it.

Then for at least another 30-45 minutes, everyone's got to walk around and inspect what everyone else had. Oooh it looks good. How does it taste?

And yes, the person ordering always has to throw in $10 or more on their own to cover shortages and/or give even a presentable tip at the 15% level.

Just no.

Depends on who I'm splitting with. Have friends who always have us one way or another, no problem keeping it easy with them and just split.

With loose friends and acquaintances, we generally pay our own share.

Have a "forgot my wallet" friend, always ask the waiter/waitress for a separate check at the beginning of the meal.

The only people who would possibly object to this are freeloaders who want other people to pay for their shit. When I was a struggling grad student I cannot tell you how often I would have them try to glare me down in an attempt to pay for their expensive drinks and appetizers, but I just couldn't afford it back then and stuck to my guns. They knew full well I was a poor grad student--I couldn't believe how arrogantly they assumed I could pay as much as they could when I didn't eat what they ate.

[quote] There's nothing more gauche than lingering over the cheque.

Oh yes, there [bold]absolutely[/bold] is: Expecting poorer people to pay for your expensive drinks is much, much, much more rude and classless.

The poors should stay home with a ham sammich.

I'm glad I don't have friends who try to screw me over on a bill like that.

Pay for yourself, unless the difference is minimal. If it's about paying an extra dollar or 2 from what you spent for yourself I would let is slide if I don't want to seem like a stingy prick. But no drinks or appetizers vs none is more than a couple of bucks of difference in which case, yes you have every right to request to pay for yourself. Its how we do it with my friends and family.

We always eat for free!

During my college days, we had a friend who was a little older. He was out of law school and already earning a lot of money. One night, we all met for dinner at a restaurant. He ordered wine, selected the wine, etc. At the time, I wasn't even into wine. (Server poured a glass for each of us.)

Check came and I expected him to pay for the wine. Nope, we all split the bill. As time went on, all his cheap habits popped out at me. I think he had some kind of downfall because, suddenly, he's no longer working at the law firm where he worked for many years. And he didn't move on to a better job.

[quote]We always eat for free! —Erna

Shit is well known to be cheap Erna.

You need better "friends," OP.

Restaurants in general are tired

When I lived in London, I worked for a law firm, and every time we would all be asked to go out for lunch, the highly paid lawyers and partners would order heaps of alcohol and several courses for themselves, while the paralegals and secretaries would order an entree and drink water, and then the lawyers and partners would insist on splitting the bill. It was really terrible.

I am happy to pay for my own portion. I hate when eating family style with work colleagues someone complains that I ordered something more expensive than satay chicken. Bitch, im suffering through your company and you better bet I’m ordering my vongole in xo sauce. And don’t ask me for a taste either after you complain my selection is $8 more expensive.

It's cultural too.

In Spain, its fairly common to this day to see people paying for their share down to the coin-based denominations of the Euro.

Then again, Spaniards go to restaurants to sobremesa (chat over the table) for hours on end. Not to stuff their faces like Americans.

OP - you can make a "light" stab at reducing your bill since you're a tee-totaling bore. Fair is fair. But as an ADULT you must know that most people are assholes, even your friends, and they want to SPLIT THE BILL evenly, as a test of solidarity or just a fuck you, to you.

Make your decision. Is it worth it?

R37 most Latin Americans have the sobremesa culture , which would not gell in cities like NYC where they practically shove the seats away from under you the second you dip your spoon in the postre to give the table to someone else.

In that whole group there was no one who spoke up and said that's not fair?

R40 yes this is standard aspirational "chill bougie" NY bullshit. Don't be "the poor" or "the jew" bean counter.

I went out with a large group every Friday night for years, and occasionally these 2 nasty queens joined. They drank like fish- I had iced tea, while they were drinking some name brand scotch. We always just split the bill normally and I hated when they showed, because I knew my tea and entree would be triple "for my share".

I finally had it and mentioned it to one of their friends, who of course told them. The next time they joined the group, first thing they said was "Separate bill for alcohol, Joe doesn't want to pay". I said sorry, I'm not supporting your alcoholism. That's on you. They were pissy, but that at least solved the problem.

I’ll always accept splitting the bill if no one objects. I call it the no-hassle fee. If I had more drinks or an appetizer (which is rare) I’ll offer to pay more or pay the tip in full, but I won’t ask to pay less because I drank less.

When I was younger and had a family charge card I used to pay the entire bill. Now that I’ve had to work for money, I won’t let anyone get away with paying THEIR FAIR SHARE!!!

And if anyone balls or starts in with the “well I only had an entree” I’ll pick up the whole bill and just say “my treat. You can treat us next time” knowing there will never be a time that they treat. If I like their company, I don’t mind paying more than my fair share. I make more than enough and am really lucky, so it’s no problem for me and I’ll do anything to minimize awkward bill negotiating.

If you suck though, I’ll still pay the full bill, but I already know I’m never having dinner with you again, so problem solved.

I'd never count my bill to the cents, but definitely always round UP the next dollar.

If my bill is 34.28, I'll put down 35.

With Venmo, Paypal and CashApp, there's no reason for the "I left my wallet excuse" anymore

I'm pretty good with math. I can lppk at the bill and say : "You owe this, you owe that." I can also look over the bill and just say "evrything is about the same. let's just split it" or "So and so had this, so it's this much each, and X person who had the drink pays this much more/ or the tip."

Recent;y, I went out with a friend and 5 of her friends to an expensive place in NYC. Drinks were $22 each! A not my kind place. Anyway, one of the guests was a big wig at the restaurant. He ordered two of everything on the menu. I had figured out what I wanted a head of time, and every time a whole fish or seafood rice came to the table I got nervous. The birthday girl whispered to me "Just pay what you can afford." I was like, no I'll pay my share.

When the bill came, it was just for the drinks. I said to the party "I'll take care of this!" We all still put in for the tip...and it was less then $50 each. It was literally one of the best meals I've ever had.

Just divide it roughly adding in any tip and, if it's more than a few intimates, sometimes it's helpful for one person to do the math and give a capsule summary if the orders might not have been roughly similar. That's the cue for the maths man to say, "Oh, sorry, right; you just had a coffee and the rest of us had 2 drinks, let's split this properly and John you owe $6 and the rest of us owe 26 each."

If your order amounts to only a fraction of everyone else's bill, speak up -- or shut up and pay up. I try to pay some attention that I don't overspend relative everyone else, or wildly overpay. If you're not cunty to the last cent about it, what kind of friend is going to make a fuss about it? And with work associates or like groups, just spend up, we explain what you are paying and tip appropriately.

[quote] And if anyone balls or starts in with the “well I only had an entree” I’ll pick up the whole bill and just say “my treat. You can treat us next time” knowing there will never be a time that they treat.

Not trying to start a fight, but if someone did only have an entree when everybody else had drinks, appetizer, dessert, then they have a right to speak up. Not everybody can afford a blow-out bill on a casual occasion.

Also, what's the point of "treating" someone if they're told they have to "treat" you back. My mom always said a gift is a gift. Sounds passive-aggressive to me.

No one is talking about a little more or a little less. We are talking an entirely different bill here. Is this a generational thing?

People are sheep - why so afraid of speaking up with people who are your friends? If they're your friends then you just don't do this to friends.

When I was younger, I was afraid to speak up. At this stage of my life, there are no issues- it's a fight to pay the check. Cheap with money, cheap wirh emotions.

Here come the tears

Discussed every 4 months on DL.

Boy do you ever sound like a nasty piece of work, r38

[quote] All I know if if any of my friends get into a cheap nickel and dime session, it's the very last time I go out with them. I despise cheap people.

That must be SUCH a loss for them.

[quote]Also, what's the point of "treating" someone if they're told they have to "treat" you back. My mom always said a gift is a gift. Sounds passive-aggressive to me

Well, it’s not a gift. It’s a polite way of letting them know that I’m treating and taking the burden of having to negotiate the check off of them while also making them not feel uncomfortable that it is a gift. It’s a courtesy. They have the option of never having dinner with me again if they’d not like to repay the kindness. And as I mentioned, I don’t have any expectation they would treat next time.

OP forgot the actual correct answer:

Get better friends.

Frugal is prioritizing your spending and neither imposing nor expecting others to pay for you.

Cheap is expecting others to subsidize your lifestyle.

R6 R18 I agree with you separate checks from the start.

I don't eat meat or drink alcohol, so my bill for a "good dinner" is NEVER the same as someone who has steak, wine, and cocktails!

So yes, I pay for myself, and will calmly but firmly point out the difference in price if anyone asks to split a dinner bill X ways.

[quote]I would tell the waitstaff that I want a separate check right when I order.

We had the correct answer from R6.

I say this from a perspective of a person who drinks a lot.

I do not want my friends/family getting (rightly) annoyed with me because I had three Jack & Cokes and they had iced tea. It is not fair to ask them to pay for my liquor just as I do not want to pay from someone drinking some obscenely expensive whiskey when I'm having Jack.

[quote]It’s a polite way of letting them know that I’m treating and taking the burden of having to negotiate the check off of them while also making them not feel uncomfortable that it is a gift.

No, "polite" it is absolutely not.

[quote]It’s a courtesy.

No, it is absolutely not courteous. True courtesy does not have strings attached.

[quote]They have the option of never having dinner with me again if they’d not like to repay the kindness.

That sounds like the best option. You sound like a passive-aggressive and controlling nightmare.

[quote]And if anyone balls or starts in with the “well I only had an entree”

Oh, dear!

[quote] That sounds like the best option. You sound like a passive-aggressive and controlling nightmare.

If you think offering to pay for dinner to avoid the hassle of “but I only had a salad!” Is passive aggressive and controlling, I can GUARANTEE, you and I would never have dinner more than once, because you are a joyless, arrogant, narrow minded stick in the mud who NONODY is taking out twice.

[quote]It's "bawls”

Actually, it isn’t. It’s a horrible autocorrect that I can’t even remember what I was trying to type, but it wasn’t “bawls”. I don’t generally expect people to cry about the check. It’s a mystery that only the old gods know the answer to now.

Among my friends, we'll split the bill if we're generally keeping pace with one another, but if some are drinking while others are not, we just pay our own bills. Pretty simple, and no real discussion is needed.

I once had a friend, though, who was an awful tipper. She would never tip more than $1 no matter how much she ordered, and usually her tips consisted of just rounding up to the nearest dollar. Of course we always paid our own bills when she was involved because we all knew she insisted on that, but the rest of us would tip extra on top of our normal amount because none of our servers ever deserved being stiffed like that.

My very close friends and I take turns treating each other regardless of quality or cost of meal. I always ask for separate checks when first ordering when I eat with friends, acquaintances, and definitely with co-workers.

Be magnanimous, pay the bill for those less fortunate.

Interestingly this is only an American problem. In Europe almost every waiter asks if you need separate checks when it's obvious you're having dinner with friends or colleagues. When we order food at work everyone pays exactly what they've ordered and we split the tip. Same when I go out with friends and we only have one check. Everyone pays exactly what they've ordered. There has never been any discussion about this and it's not a big deal when you had math in high school or own a phone with a calculator. My American friends are often irritated when I offer to pay my share. But I do not want them to invite me all the time or pay part of my bill and I don't want to pay for their meal either. Only exception obviously is when you're on a date, with family or you're invited.

I remember in college I went out to dinner with two European friends and an American and we were discussion how to split the bill. It was very normal for us, but the American got irritated and offered to pay for everyone bc he thought this was embarrassing. Told him to chill and just pay his share.

There is nothing wrong with speaking up and saying you want your own bill, or if you have planned ahead what you are going to order/pay for. Some people do live on tight budgets and do not make as much as their other friends.

And I'm sure some other people at the table would feel the same way about the billing.

We prefer to dine with generou$ gentlemen, who always take us to the finest restaurants and pay for everything!

Usually there is someone, or should be if you're keeping the right company, who says you should pay less as you didn't drink or eat like a man.

I choose my friends better.

Either I'm with friends who go out often enough that it all evens out if we split it or we're aware enough to know that we owe a lot more than the other person and put money in accordingly. Among that group, we almost always have too much money for bills and someone is almost always confessing that they threw extra money in because theirs cost more.

Among less well-known people, we'll do the same where we let everyone throw in "what they owe" and folks will toss in a few bucks if we're short. If it's very short, we'll simply ask or throw in a few extra bucks each - and make a mental note for the future.

Long-term mooches are just not a thing in my circle because I find that mooches tend to have other less desirable qualities that don't make them good company.