Things that people say when they mean the opposite

Bless your heart...

They mean quite the opposite 😠

[quote] I hate to bother you, BUT..::” (then they bother you and take up lots of your time)

You're reading them wrong OP, they truly do hate to bother you because they know you are going to be a total ass about them bothering you. The opposite would be that they enjoy bothering you.

My mom used to say "I'm sure he/she is a nice person, but..."

Mine is "I don't want to be a bitch. but..."

And then I proceed to be a fucking bitch about whoever I'm talking about. Clearly, I do mean to be a bitch.

I'm not a racist BUT......

Cum ON me.

As a comment about something (usually what you're wearing) - "Well that certainly is interesting! " or, "That's a shirt all right" or "That's one way of doing it" = YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP

I don't have any problem with gay people. Live your own life however you want, but.....

"I don't do drama."

"I'm on Grindr to make friends/find a boyfriend. I don't do hookups."

Look, I'm a nice person but that guy,girl, whatever, reads me the wrong way.

Mame sounds a great idea.

I have great success with, "Not that it's any of my business, but..."

Usually people are braced for me to ask them something really offensive, but it's usually something so innocuous that they're happy to answer me. Then they end up feeling like they can confide in me.

Works for me!

"You look great in that!"

"I'm grown!"

I'm not a Republican but...

I'm as liberal as the next guy, but I'm sure glad my Lyft driver was a normal white guy who speaks English

Not to give advice...

"With all due respect..."

I have no respect for you.

It's not you, it's me.

This is none of my business, but...

Oh, how interesting...

That's a great question!

99% of the are stupid questions. "That's a great question!" Is just stalling time to not sound stupid when you stall and finally pivot to answer a different question entirely.

"I hate to say it, but...." "I didn't want to say anything, but.."

Bullshit. You have been DYING to say it.

No, your pushy does not stink Cheryl.

^ meant to sign

"You know that I LOVE so-and-so, but to be honest..." :D

I’m not one to gossip….

"I don't mean to be a pain, but..."

"To make a long story short..."

"I'm kind of strapped for cash right now." = "Even if I had a billion dollars I wouldn't give any to you."

"I'd love to but I'm too busy." = "Hell no, I'm not wasting my time on that shit."

"Duly noted" = I'll ignore/forget whatever inconsequential shit was just said within seconds.

"No, I'm paying attention...I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Please continue telling about the dream you had the other night. I am interested in hearing the rest of it."

^telling *me*

To be perfectly honest…

I hate to intrude

I hate to put out…

"I shouldn't be saying this, but..."

No, really, it's the biggest dick I've ever seen... 🙄

People who start sentences with, "I'm sorry"

"Just be yourself and people will like you!"

(Not if "being yourself" means acting like a complete weirdo, though).

...anything democrat and republican politicians say.

"Is it just me, or..." = "Agree with me or you're a moron."

I’m not gay, but

I sometimes have sex with men.

I'm not Gay, but my cousin Stephen is 😛

"I don't care where we eat, you choose the restaurant."

^ I know some like that and bitches about what a lousy choice you made the whole time

"We've got to get together for lunch sometime!"

"It's not the end of the world. You'll find an even better job in no time."

"Someday you'll look back on this and laugh about it!"

[quote] To be perfectly honest…

I hate when people say that as they launch into their bullshit.

"You were too good for him anyway."

She's fat, but has a pretty face and a great personality 🙄

"Favorites? Why I love both you kids the same."