Let's be the New York Times in 2022

I'm the daily story about how the US needs to work with the Taliban, in order to save Afghanistan from the government the wanted.

I'm the 14,000th story on why we need to take seriously the concerns of deplorables.

I'm a wry dialogue between Bret Stephens and Gail Collins where they agree to disagree, all the while exulting in their mutual extensive knowledge of American presidential history!

I'm the NYT reporter who thoroughly digs white trailer park trash dick, which explains R2s post.

I'm the sanctimonious op ed insisting that we have A MORAL RESPONSIBILITY to invade another country in the guise of " defending" it. I'm written by some creepy and self important Harvard/ Yale educated hawk currently living in some affluent Washington D.C. suburb and working for some think tank. I'm so convinced of my own brilliance that I don't take note of how many previous invasions have ended in complete disaster. I pretend that my interest in invasion is humanitarian but it's really motivated by my bloodlust.

I'm the latest Maureen Dowd op ed. I'm chock full of dated pop culture references, jibes at democratic and left leaning men, and seething jealousy towards other women. My sexual frustration is obvious and sad.

I'm the 1000 word article about a fashion or cultural trend that only about 5 people somewhere in Williamsburg are participating in. Nevertheless I'm portrayed as the Next Big Thing.

I'm the guy responsible for keeping the clicks coming in by making sure "Trump" appears at least three times on the homepage.

“In this Ohio diner…."

We're the illegal aliens the judges at the New York Times have decreed are no longer illegal or alien. Hooray! Now give us the vote.

I'm the New York Times you grew up reading, now buried in a Jersey landfill next to the remains of Penn Station.

[quote]I'm the latest Maureen Dowd op ed. I'm chock full of dated pop culture references, jibes at democratic and left leaning men, and seething jealousy towards other women.

Along with heaping servings of Clinton hatred.

I'm the sensible Krugman column about economics. I'm sandwiched between Maureen Dowds word salad cutesy ramblings and David Brooks prissy and sanctimonious lecturing.

We're just a couple of kids looking for an apartment in the city, but which one will we chose? Buried in paragraph 5 is the sentence outlining exactly how much our parents are contributing to the down payment.

Housing prices in Miami have tripled! We sat down with 3 diners in small town West Virginia to get their thoughts on the situation.

I'm Andrew Ross Sorkin and the rest of the business page writers wishing they could be Maria Bartiromo and just come out and say that they worship Money and CEOs and Capitalism instead of having to tip-toe around it and pretend that they don't have their noses stuck up Wall Street's butt.

I'm the latest New York Times piece telling you that Arab Christians are white and the lizard people that control the world need to die to Free Palestine.

I'm the NYT here to remind you that Michael Jackson is the King of Pop, Tiffany was a mallrat's dream and gay men are deviant bug chasing scum deserving of being bashed for the safety all.

The 2020 election hasn't ended!

Congress consists solely of Joe Manchin, Kirstyn Sinema, Mitch McConnell, Marjorie Taylor Green, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!

Ingredients for the best chocolate chip cookies: quinoa, truffle butter, talcum powder, cayenne pepper, and fermented pomegranate seeds.