They bought a blender. Three weeks later, their cats continue to hold it hostage.

Fucking hell. Talk about meaningless lesbian drama. The claim they "have tried everything" is exceedingly dubious.

Do they not know a cat is portable? When this idea is put to them, they say they can't do that because the cats are "committed". IMO it would all work out better if the owners were.

From the article -

"On Black Friday, Jessica and Nikii Gerson-Neeves bought a blender. It was a Vitamix blender, a professional-grade splurge, and the couple was looking forward to a winter of smoothies and soups.

It arrived on Dec. 16 at their home on Vancouver Island in British Columbia. Jessica put the hefty box down on the floor in the kitchen, just for a second. Her 4-year-old tuxedo cat, Max, otherwise known as the “sentient soccer ball,” jumped up on the box. Jessica thought it was funny and snapped a photo.

Then Max’s 13-year-old feline siblings, George: Destroyer of Worlds (“sentient potato”) and Lando Calrissian (“the questionably sentient dust bunny,”), demanded their turn on the knee-high box.That was three weeks ago.

Since then, the cats have refused to leave the box, fighting over who gets to perch upon it and taking turns standing guard while the others eat or are busy elsewhere. The blender remains ensconced inside.

The Gerson-Neeveses, who refer to themselves as “the middle-aged lesbians,” documented the standoff, taking photos and posting daily updates on Facebook, specifically in the 900,000-member group “THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y.” The hostage situation has drawn thousands of comments from those who know the “but the cat was on it!” explanation all too well.

“STANDOFF: Day (are you KIDDING me) 4: The situation has come full circle as the sentient soccer ball took advantage of a moment of distraction by the sentient potato and reclaimed the Vitamix, immediately adopting a posture suggesting that he came to eat treats and bitchslap any lesbians who try to come for the Vitamix, and he’s all out of treats,” wrote Jessica, a psychologist and the writer of most of the updates. “One of the middle-aged lesbians appears to have locked herself in the bathroom; the other was heard in fervent prayer to the patron saint of all queer cat lovers, Freddy Mercury. ”

The couple, who married in 2016, are accustomed to seeing their cats jump on boxes and sit on piles of things. The animals usually lose interest after a day or two at most. Not this time.

Treats, decoy boxes and toys have been used, all for naught. The Gerson-Neeveses moved the box to a less-central area of the kitchen, hoping the change in geography would end the stalemate. But a cat remained on the box, on guard at all times. Jessica got up in the middle of the night to try to claim the box. Occupied.

“There is just something about the Vitamix box that just has really held their attention,” Jessica said. “At this point, it’s turned into something so much bigger than us.”

People frequently ask why the couple doesn’t just take the cats off the box. These are clearly dog owners. This is not how cats work.

“We’re far enough into it, I can’t move them now,” said Nikii, 38, a utility billing clerk. “They’re committed, we’re committed. ”

1/2

"They hoped that while they were away over Christmas that the cats would lose interest. The Gerson-Neeveses came home, put their bags on the floor and — nope. The Vitamix had not been abandoned. At one point, they coaxed Max into jumping onto a second box, but as soon as he leaped off, Lando jumped on. Max was not happy and quickly reclaimed the spotlight. The couple gave up on smoothies and started eating homemade ice cream.

On Jan. 2, the couple reached out to Vitamix on a public Facebook post, asking for three empty boxes that might fool the cats into relinquishing the appliance. The company immediately obliged, but between snowstorms and customs, the empty boxes have yet to arrive — and Nikii and Jessica aren’t quite sure how the boxes will fit in their small apartment, much less if they will satisfy the cats.

But the duo and their many followers are happy to let the battle run its course.

The truth is, the couple says, this could be easily resolved. The cats are not particularly heavy. But they are having fun, the cats are having fun, the Internet is having fun, and people — pushed back into their houses and masks after two years of a pandemic — need fun right now. Many of the comments on Jessica’s posts express the need for something bright during the dark omicron days.

“This is just so silly and sweet and kind of wholesome,” Jessica said. “And if our cats and me thinking I’m funny are providing that fun, why on Earth would we interrupt that? Like, the blender will still be there.”

2/2

Oh, relax, R1. It's a fun and cute story.

Anything for clicks.

That’s so sweet.

I have two cats, they also do adorable things too. One of my cats, sits on the boxes of coffee I bring home from Costco. I have a picture of him sitting on the box, but I pick him up and move him when it is time to open the box. I guess I should’ve sent the pic to the WaPo.

I'm sorry, I just don't get lesbian, uh, "humor".

[quote] The Gerson-Neeveses moved the box to a less-central area of the kitchen, hoping the change in geography would end the stalemate.

So why didn’t they take the blender out while they were moving the box?

Why is article a thing that was written by a person?

^ *this article

5 minutes of pussy fame.

Amazing that the Washington Post published this.

Coastal liberal elite media desperate for any TRANS and POC content.

I think these gals sound great and I wish they were my friends.

[quote]The claim they "have tried everything" is exceedingly dubious.

They didn't mean it literally, they're doing this for laughs. Do you take everything a stand-up comedian says literally? No, and you don't take anything a social media thread like this says literally.

"for laughs".

And yet I didn't laugh once!

They really put the pussy on a pedestal.

this is NOT NEWS

Ah, they're Canadian.

That explains it.

It's a cute story.

Dumb hoes. Are they scared of their own cats? Just push them off it if you're too terrified to pick them up.

As a cat owner, I get it.

As a cat owner, I get it.

As a human, I get it.

As a Datalounger though, kill it! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Looks like the cat ate one of its owners. A better story: cat finally opens box, makes owner a smoothie.

It's a cute little story, but really too many people let their pets walk all over them these days.

The people acting serious about this need to be rounded up and evaluated by some psychiatric professionals. Really, give this story to anyone you were thinking of becoming friends with or dating and see how they react and run away from anyone who acts like the "serious" morons on this thread.

Cats are smart. They know how noisy a Vitamix is.

Whoa, mist of you queens here are so HUMORLESS!

Most^

They should have bought a zoo instead.

You moist queens...

The cats don't give a shit about the blender it is about being able to get higher and see what is going on in the area that food is being prepared as demonstrated in this picture with another cat on a small stool.

Why on earth would a news site post something like this?

This is exactly what the Pope was talking about.

A-MEW-SING !

R33 FOR COMIC RELIEF!!!!

These bitches are fishing for CLICKS! This story is neither funny nor unique. My cat does funnier shit multiple times a away but you don't see me looking for publicity.

Also get your fucking cats TREES! Maybe if they had more vertical space, you wouldn't have this "problem".

Multiple times a day*^

I guess I lack humor because I don’t find this funny or amusing and it actually annoys me that there would be an article on this total nonsense.

So much lack of humour in this thread! Have a smoothie, bitter ones

Open up box. Put cats in blender. Make cat smoothie. Problem solved.

The cats would be just as happy with an empty Vitamix box

To me, it looks like a stealth advert for the blender. Like when that cringe review made that Howling Wolf T-shirt go viral a decade ago.

I’d get you a cuppa R37, but my cats have taken possession of my French press.

Like totally R36 Like

I'm saving this thread for any time DL's contingent of "lesbians are humorless" gays open their yaps.

I can't believe any of you are honestly being serious about this. I tried to explain it away as some of you unsuccessfully trying to be droll in a funny way but, I don't think so. Bunch of humorless, cranky old gay guys is my conclusion. Either that or 90% of DL is now on the autism spectrum.

[quote] I'm saving this thread for any time DL's contingent of "lesbians are humorless" gays open their yaps.

Actually this is proof that lesbians are humorless.

Sure, R47. Sure it is.

I think it's cute in a "yeah, cats rule, and we are their servants" kind of way.

r46/r48 = typing with her arms crossed

Staunchly defending a mildly amusing story about cats is a very humorless lesbian thing to do. Maybe even straight up frau.

It’s the cats who are funny, not the women.

R46 Exaggerate much?

DL is currently under attack by the you are you humorless bitter queens troll.

Pussy pass denied.

Wah wah wah, it's not us that are bitter and joyless - it's always the womenz!

Cat lover and owner here. You do not take away or change something your cat has decided it's his, or hers. You do not own cats, they own you. Cat's do not live in your home. You live in theirs. If you don't get this maybe you shouldn't have a cat.

BTW, I adore and have dog children too. But they are much easier to deal with and understand that you have some rights in their home. I have had brand new chairs that the cats took position of and to this day I have not gotten to sit on.

If I were in this spot I would go back to Costco and buy another blender. Eventually the cats will tire of the box. It might take months or a year but if it was bought at Costco they will take back the original one even after all that time, especially if it's still new in the original sealed box.

I'm sure other cat parents will understand. Me however, I won't go near Facebook even to join a benign group like cat parents.

"...the you are you humorless..."

R53 What is your native language?

My native language is the same as yours. High Cunt.

Take the cat off the box, grab the blender box, bring the box into another room. Open the box, take out the damn fucking blender, any additional parts and the booklet.

Close the empty box, bring the box back into the kitchen and let the cat continue with the 'box hostage' nonsense.

Jeez, what a silly story. My friends, male and female, straight and gay, all have cats, one has six cats! Some of their cats are extremely destructive.

One couple, their cat opens, then jumps into their kitchen cabinets and knock things out. Another cat climbs up and ruins expensive curtains (how about not having curtains, just shades?), that same cat made holes in their expensive sofa. All my friends deal with destructive cats. That's their call to continue dealing with this, not mine. I don't judge.

This blender box story is just plain silly.

R59 coz you haven't seen a panicked cat destroy shades...

Maybe the cat doesn’t like the noise.

If you don’t try and control your cat and belittle them they will behave fine.

R59 Think you're kind of missing the uh, very subtle, lowkey humor of this thing. I find it annoying but I know enough to not take the story literally.

It's stories like this that make me hate cats (for being so ridiculously territorial) and their owners (for letting their cats walk all over them). If these women think this behavior is so much fun and so cute, why the hell don't they just shoo the cats off of the box long enough to remove the blender, then close the box up again and put it right back where it was? Is that a stupid question?

Whee do their cats shit and piss???

Exactly wherever they want to. Usually on the middle aged lesbian’s bed.

R64 You are missing the humor of this story too.

[quote][R59] coz you haven't seen a panicked cat destroy shades...

Who said ANY of my friends cats are "panicked", they aren't. Some of them are simply destructive. They have tons of toys, a carpeted cat house etc. They'd rather ruin sofas. They must surely know what they are doing.

The person with the six cats, only two of them are destructive, the other cats sit around and one even acts like a dog, they always come over to me, put their paw on my leg, then jump on my lap and calmly sits there. The other cat who isn't destructive, loves to watch TV.

Yep, you sure sound like a real cat expert.

Cats sleep 18+ hrs a day. Unless the lesbians follow the same sleep schedule, find 2 minutes to dispose of the box.

R68 That was never the point of this story....

As with other posters, fail to see the humour in this story. Disappointed in WaPo. Not newsworthy.

Yes, I am a cat owner. But allowing cats to dominate a household of humans and dogs (in our case), just doesn’t cut it.

Poor behaviour is not rewarded. Yet, somehow some cat owners revel in the bad behaviour.

Go figure.

R69 what is the point of the story? Wapo sucks?

Those cats are overfed: they should call them Niall, Lewis and Niko.

R71 See my comment at R63. I find it annoying as fuck but please stop taking it seriously because it was never meant to.

Most cats dislike lesbianism. I KNOW the cats show their displeasure by pissing and shitting on their bed.

I find it helpful to nip this sort of insolence in the bud.

Fuck cats.

These fats are so fat just like their owners

[quote] If I were in this spot I would go back to Costco and buy another blender. Eventually the cats will tire of the box. It might take months or a year but if it was bought at Costco they will take back the original one even after all that time

Are you retarded? You would buy another blender and take advantage of Costco’s return policy just because you’re too much of a pussy to just take the blender out of the box? How do you get through life?

LMAO, all these men taking the matter so seriously and offering advice on how to deal with the situation, lolololol, gotta love men! 😆 🤣

In newspapers we call this a "brite" and it's a nice counter to gloom and doom if you allow it to be.

I will never, ever get a cat. Ever.

Lesbians eat pussy and those cats are well aware of what will be going into that blender to make those "soups" and "smoothies."

[QUOTE] Cat lover and owner here. You do not take away or change something your cat has decided it's his, or hers. You do not own cats, they own you. Cat's do not live in your home. You live in theirs. If you don't get this maybe you shouldn't have a cat.

Go away, silly frau. Most cats weigh under 10lbs and can be easily removed from anywhere they try to sleep.

[QUOTE] have had brand new chairs that the cats took position of and to this day I have not gotten to sit on.

Are you a sub in bed too?

The story is only funny if you are an easily amused, mug-cradling Frau. It’s asinine and boring.

Cats are terrorists and I don’t negotiate with my cat . I would push her furry ass off the box and keep it moving. I love my cat I feed her , groom her , get her expensive medical care but I won’t do that.

Lesbian or gay man, young or old, here or there, no one sensible sees this as "cute."

On the contrary, these cats are revolting. You feed and care for an animal and it thanks you by taking over your property?

Pathetic.

I'd enjoy seeing the cats' owners drop them off at a shelter. Goodbye, cats, and now it's good. You can play Keep Away to your hearts' content.

[quote]90% of DL is now on the autism spectrum

I'm starting to think this is exactly what's going on. It's not just jokes, but that's part of it; nearly every time someone says something funny or sarcastic, someone comes along to correct them and gets 5-10 WWs for it. But there's also the issue of the same 20 or so topics and constantly repeated threads, plus endless complaints about slang because it's not literal enough to understand, shrieks of horror if someone doesn't use a meme when they're "supposed to" or when a post is "not in the proper format," on and on.

[quote]You feed and care for an animal and it thanks you by taking over your property?

Welcome to the wonderful world of cat ownership.

[quote]In newspapers we call this a "brite" and it's a nice counter to gloom and doom if you allow it to be.

True r82, but have you noticed DL is all doom and gloom lately? We can't go 30 seconds without someone posting a thread about some heinous crime that gets 400 replies, all saying "Humans should be wiped off the face of the earth! Destroy the whole planet! I'm glad I'll be dead soon!"

If it's not that, then it's posts about having a terrible life, being suicidal, or "Update: I'm still suicidal!"

No wonder so many people are BIG MAD about a light story like this one.

[quote]Cat lover and owner here. You do not take away or change something your cat has decided it's his, or hers. You do not own cats, they own you. Cat's do not live in your home. You live in theirs. If you don't get this maybe you shouldn't have a cat.

Again, this is a perfect example of why cats AND cat owners are so easy to hate.

Also, a huge, tremendous "Oh, dear!" to "Cat's do not live in your home."

You shouldn't be having a huge, tremendous reaction to a misplaced apostrophe, especially not in a world where autocorrect makes mistakes.

I just typed both cats and cat's in this response, and neither one was auto-corrected :-)

[quote]Cats are terrorists

Well, yeah. They're cats.

[quote] Again, this is a perfect example of why cats AND cat owners are so easy to hate

Bingo, R93.

Did Vitamix send the dykes a new blender yet?

[quote] these cats are revolting. You feed and care for an animal and it thanks you by taking over your property?

so you've....never met a cat before?

[quote] Did Vitamix send the dykes a new blender yet?

I would lose all respect for Vitamix and boycott them if they did that.

[quote] No wonder so many people are BIG MAD about a light story like this one.

No, I think more people are cringing at your use of “BIG MAD.”

This story is really making the elders madddd 😆

Listen, if this woman can pick up a whole tantrum-throwin lion kicking and screaming, these broads can pick up their spoiled little chonkers and retrieve the blender from the box. That's all I'm saying!

Cats love box. Lesbians love box.

Put the kitten in the blender! Problem solved.

A cat needs a blender about as much as a fish needs a bicycle.

Have they been soupless the whole time?

Please tell me these bitches aren't raising children.

[quote]Listen, if this woman can pick up a whole tantrum-throwin lion kicking and screaming, these broads can pick up their spoiled little chonkers and retrieve the blender from the box. That's all I'm saying!

WHY was that woman carrying a lion on a city street? I'm more interested in that than these two idiots who cannot take their cat off a blender in a box.

I remember the the story about the NYC guy who had a fully grown tiger and an alligator in his NYC public housing apartment! Sheer insanity.

^ yes I remember that story as well . He really loved those animals and didn’t get why what he was doing was wrong. I think they had shoot at least one of the animals . A tiger I semi recall it was. Very sad.

Dyke drama continues

OMG!

At this point the lesbians should just abandoned the home to the cats and go into the witness protection program.

I love cats and have two right now I adore (have had six in my lifetime), but I find the concept and term "cat parents" a little strange.

I guess it's better than "They Bought a Cat and Three Weeks Later the Blender is Holding it Hostage".

A fair question: do these cats not sleep??

In shifts, probably, R116.

[quote]yes I remember that story as well . He really loved those animals and didn’t get why what he was doing was wrong. I think they had shoot at least one of the animals . A tiger I semi recall it was. Very sad.

No, Ming the tiger and the alligator lived. Ming later died from natural causes, not from being shot with a tranquilizer.

From The NY Times: "Both animals were relocated to an Ohio sanctuary, where Ming died from natural causes in February 2019. Mr. Yates was arrested and served a brief stint in jail for illegally keeping an animal."

"City authorities were also puzzled as to how the presence of a tiger in Apartment 5E of the Drew Hamilton public housing complex had remained an open secret among some neighbors. Ming certainly escaped the notice of city Housing Authority officials who said they fielded complaints from neighbors about urine smells from Mr. Yates’s apartment, but never any mention of a tiger. Nor did they know about the other exotic animals Mr. Yates might have kept in the apartment.

At the time, neighbors claimed to reporters and to law enforcement officials that Mr. Yates had bear cubs, Rottweilers, rabbits, hyenas, monkeys, snakes, a llama, a tarantula and even a young lion.

Asked about this recently, Mr. Yates, who lives with his mother in the Philadelphia area, would not elaborate past saying, “I did have a lot of exotics in there.”

He gamely revealed the rest of the story, though, from his pet-keeping obsessions that began at age 3 with teddy bear hamsters to later escapades with more exotic critters."

"He said he bought Ming — the name came from Mr. Yates’s interest in the Chinese dynasty — from an exotic animal breeder for “a couple thousand.” The tiger became central to a utopian plan for an animal sanctuary that he envisioned as “a new concept of animals living together,” Mr. Yates said in a phone interview."

“I didn’t want to domesticate him,” he added. “I did a lot of enrichment with him to feed his instinct. I was like a drill sergeant.” Ming would loll around with Mr. Yates as he read or watched videos. At the time, Mr. Yates variously called Ming his best friend, a brother figure and “my calling in life.”

“Consciously I knew I had a tiger, but the physical interaction and bonding, it was so natural,” he said in the interview. “It wasn’t no different than raising a monkey or a snake.”

As the extremely annoying Cindy Adams says: [bold]"Only in New York!"[/bold]

Read the rest @ The NY Times website.

Awww.....

Obviously, they think it’s a throne.

[quote]WHY was that woman carrying a lion on a city street?

Apparently, the lioness was domesticated and kept as a pet, got out, and the woman seen carrying it was taking her back home. It was taken in Kuwait.

Are the lezzies a brand? Have they merched this nonsense yet?

R121 Those animals can NEVER be domesticated. Especially with those sharp teeth and claws.

Don't cats love to have high spots to sit on, out of instinct? They look like fat fucks and that's why they want to be in the kitchen (to the lezzies' credit at least it doesn't seem they're allowed on food counters). Lezzies should put in some other high spots for the cats to sit on if they want a non-upsetting end to this saga.

Why don't they get one of these as a kitchen table?

R125 You missed that this is a lesbian household, they'll want vaginas. Poor choice.

Look again. Its a non-binary masterpiece.

Clearly, the owners are pussy-whipped.

Is it performance art? I think it’s performance art.

A domesticated lion?! What a load of bullshit.

Until that lion in Kuwait rips that woman's head off, she'll continue to think it's "domesticated". What a dunce.

Remember the adult chimp who went nuts, then ripped off the owner's visiting friend's face as well as gouged out the poor woman's eyes? The woman got a face transplant.

Think the weirdo who owned the chimp died a few years ago. The woman actually saw the chimp as being her child, think she took baths with it!

WHY are so many humans so damn STUPID?

Scientists say the only reason cats don’t kill you is because of their size. If they grew to be as large as lions they wouldn’t think twice to kill you.

My cats would never, R131!!

They just need to put one of the three of them in the blender and turn it on and the other two will vacate the box.

[quote] My cats would never, [R131]!!

Yes, they would. They currently don’t kill you because they’re too small.

They are small, but they love me and are very affectionate, R134.

If cats could plug in the toaster and balance it precariously on the edge of the tub and turn it on with their little paws while you bathe, they would in a heartbeat.

LIES, R136.

That’s how someone I knew died. She was taking a bath and her cat pushed her curling iron in.

Sounds like a new plotline for Miranda in AJLT agree she finally comes out.

The guy in NYC had a hoarding disorder and a shopping disorder.

Shopping for a particular item or type of item can be addictive.

R137 See, that cat R138 was better at working with the appliances at hand (paw?) it’s absolutely shocking it doesn’t happen more often. Lock and bar the door when bathing if you have a cat.

R138 I heard that that is the opening sequence of the new Six Feet Under reboot.

So don't keep electric appliances like blow dryers plugged in and near the bathtub, R141. Sheesh.

It it saves so much time to bathe and do your hair at same time.

[quote]The couple gave up on smoothies and started eating homemade ice cream.

They're fat, right?

They’re lesbians. Fat is a given.

Has a GoFundMe been started to support these long suffering women and their pussies?

R142 not again! Season 1 of 6 Feet Under had an episode that opened with a pornstar bathing (Nina Hartley) & her cat knocked her hair dryer in. Sandra Oh played one of the pornstar friends.

What cats actually think of us:

[quote]That’s how someone I knew died. She was taking a bath and her cat pushed her curling iron in.

Who is stupid enough to keep any styling appliance which is run by electricity, and is being used in a bathroom, always plugged in?

I always unplug my coffee maker and toaster when I'm done using them.

Even if an appliance is not turned on, the electric is still on, this also contributes to a higher electric bill. Yeah, I'm frugal.

I always plug in my electric toothbrush and shaver. I’ve knocked them into the sink a few times.

What’s happening with these cats and lesbians, any update?

I'd like to know too, R152.

Another SILLY story to appeal to CAT people.

Real tuxedo cats have pink noses, that is not a tuxedo cat. And all her cats are too fat

I'm guessing that's an "indoor cat" by how fat it is.

Can’t these ladies set up a webcam, they are missing out on capitalizing on their fifteen minutes of fame unlike that no bones dog guy. And he’s working with an animal that’s likely to be dead before the end of the year.

They're not fat they're CHONKY!

Discovered the frau at R158. 🙄

Your pussies are all plotting your deaths!