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How to grow thick skin?

Any advice on how to grow thick skin and become immune to people trash talking you? I'm not talking just IRL situations. I'm so senstive that even on online forums and sites someone's words can easily get under my skin and deeply upset me. Any advice would be much appreciated.

by Anonymousreply 45December 24, 2021 10:40 PM

This thread will end in tears!

by Anonymousreply 1December 24, 2021 12:01 PM

Frequent beatings on the backside are astonishingly effective!

by Anonymousreply 2December 24, 2021 12:03 PM

Ignore them. The second someone starts to come after you with some insult, block them or put them on ignore or mute, whatever you have to do. Just get in the habit of it. Those are people who just want attention, so deny it to them and make them go elsewhere.

by Anonymousreply 3December 24, 2021 12:03 PM

Oh, my, r1 got ahead of me but are you ever in the wrong site, OP. Ask in Reddit, Grindr, or anywhere else, but not here. You’ve been warned. Get ready for some serious attacks in 3..2..1…

by Anonymousreply 4December 24, 2021 12:04 PM

r4 is right and I suspect this post was really about giving DLers an opportunity to roast the OP, but my advice still stands: ignore anyone who is singling you out with insults, goading you into a response.

by Anonymousreply 5December 24, 2021 12:05 PM

I can spot a potential bad post that will upset me and scroll by. I have also made myself read some and conditioned myself to accept nasty comments as anonymous cheap-shots that sting for a minute. They are so pervasive that they don't seem to mean anything any more: the ability to post anonymously has completely done away with self-editing. People just spew, because it feels good in the moment . . .

by Anonymousreply 6December 24, 2021 12:10 PM

I feel your pain OP. I too am hypersensitive. I was more so when younger and have grown a thicker skin as I've gotten older but things still sting sometimes. My doctor has a theory that there are no sensitive people, and that hypersensitive people are just depressive and benefit from an antidepressant, Having said that, my sensitivity did fade somewhat when on an antidepressant. I also tell myself that nothing from outside can harm or affect me. Try to stay away from rude tactless people and conserve your energy for yourself.

by Anonymousreply 7December 24, 2021 12:21 PM

OP, I'm r1.

In all seriousness, just remember that people who troll you online are more likely to exhibit traits of the dark tetrad -- sociopathy, sadism, narcissism, and Machiavellianism -- in real life, not just online. In other works, they're shitty people and they are NOT worth your time.

On DL, I've found two interesting tactics of trolls are to 1) label other posters trolls, even though nothing trollish has been posted and 2) respond to genuine posts with "You're lying! This never happened!" (And I don't mean posts that are OBVIOUS ESTs, a la, "I'm getting gang banged by 74 guys tonight, Jealous, bitches?")

Their trolling works because it immediately makes you defensive.

I'm fallen into that trap a few times, and I've learned walking away -- from the thread, from DL, from the whole freakin' internet -- usually works best.

Bottom line: do not engage. Do not give the trolls what they want.

by Anonymousreply 8December 24, 2021 12:21 PM

R8 Fuck off, narcissism troll. No such thing exists.

by Anonymousreply 9December 24, 2021 12:25 PM

What does IRL mean/stand for?

I get trolled all the time on DL. I continue to “sign” my posts and tell it as I see it or have experienced. When I make others angry at me, I’ve got a pretty good sense that it’s not me they are angry with or upset about.

I believe the more sane and well adjusted among us like to hear what I have to say- so I continue.

by Anonymousreply 10December 24, 2021 12:27 PM

You’re probably hypersensitive because you think that what you do matters, or that your hopes and loves and fears carry meaning. It’s probably because of religion or some moral code passed down by your parents.

Realize that you and the person who has upset you are both going to perish and be long forgotten in only a few decades. You’re both trapped inside a meat sack and your existence is meaningless. It’s all in your head.

So have a little fun and maybe don’t take yourself so seriously. Honestly, it’s exhausting.

by Anonymousreply 11December 24, 2021 12:28 PM

"IRL" = "in real life," r10

by Anonymousreply 12December 24, 2021 12:28 PM

OP your post didn't provoke much of a negative response. Better luck next time.

by Anonymousreply 13December 24, 2021 12:37 PM

Just smoke copious amounts of pot, silly!

by Anonymousreply 14December 24, 2021 12:53 PM

How do you NOT feel hurt when you're insulted? That's the real question. Ignoring people doesn't stop the pain of their negative comments about you. That's why some young people commit suicide when they're bullied by a constant barrage of insults and ridicule. It's hard to ignore all or that, and not take any of it personally.

I think the OP has a very valid question.

by Anonymousreply 15December 24, 2021 1:15 PM

*ignore all [bold]of[/bold] that

by Anonymousreply 16December 24, 2021 1:16 PM

If you mean online, r15, I guess I would first ask you why you cared what someone said to you online?

by Anonymousreply 17December 24, 2021 1:19 PM

R15, you’re valuing other people way too much. The vast majority of people are complete idiots and a waste of oxygen. You probably wouldn’t be hurt if some visibly drunk bum on the street yelled obscenities at your car…it’s the same thing. Mow that smelly fucker down and keep driving lol

by Anonymousreply 18December 24, 2021 1:23 PM

Log off and live if you can't take it, OP. Don't make yourself miserable if some anonymous tosser criticises you.

by Anonymousreply 19December 24, 2021 1:24 PM

"I'm so sensitive that even on online forums and sites someone's words can easily get under my skin and deeply upset me."

MARY!!!

Get over yourself...you're not that important...

by Anonymousreply 20December 24, 2021 1:28 PM

Its called being jaded. Look it up, Sweetie.

by Anonymousreply 21December 24, 2021 1:30 PM

R10 IRL stands for in real life.

by Anonymousreply 22December 24, 2021 1:46 PM

Hang out here more often OP!

by Anonymousreply 23December 24, 2021 2:03 PM

OP is playing.

My suggestion, OP, is that you remain here and endure the righteous, accurate comments made about you, you fat, ugly, termite-queen-shaped illiterate blob of failure and whininess always trying to get people to love you when you ought to consider yourself lucky that you haven't been locked up for being such a monstrously needy and cloying, clutching drippy-counted lunatic. Even your multitude of pets hate you so much they'd rather starve to death than eat your festering carcass when you eventually drop dead without being missed by anyone for weeks and weeks. Your mother always regretted not having that abortion.

The OP is perfectly positioned for a little toughening-up. Not that with that jerky skin you'd think she'd need it.

by Anonymousreply 24December 24, 2021 2:19 PM

Grow up OP.We dont give trophys for "participating".

by Anonymousreply 25December 24, 2021 2:33 PM

Not every thread is an invitation to hear from Mrs. Ramsey.

by Anonymousreply 26December 24, 2021 4:16 PM

Questionnaire for the thin-skinned:

1. Was my post (which presumably sparked the bothersome response) so idiotic or charged as to deserve a harsh response?

2. Does the poster who has rattled you have a good, well-constructed point?

3. Why could the poster be so virulent, what is the cause? (your post or the poster's state of mind?)

4. Ignore.

by Anonymousreply 27December 24, 2021 6:06 PM

Most of the time when someone is nasty, it's either projection or they're a loser themselves and belittling others makes them feel better about themselves for a bit. There's been research done on trolls that backs this up by the way.

by Anonymousreply 28December 24, 2021 6:10 PM

Anti-depressants work wonders, OP.

by Anonymousreply 29December 24, 2021 6:23 PM

OP, it helped me a lot when a therapist pointed out to me that hypersensitivity is really self-centeredness. It's the expectation that your feelings matter most to everyone else you know, which is a ridiculous expectation.

The more you can remember that the world doesn't revolve around you and that other people aren't always thinking about you, the happier you'll be (paradoxically).

by Anonymousreply 30December 24, 2021 6:30 PM

Online, just ignore or block nasty people. Life is too short and it's exhausting to try to educate idiots.

Same advice for people in bars or who are spoiling for a fight. If it's anywhere else, go full throttle, particularly if you're older and are expected to be meek and mild.

If it's a work or family situation, a fallback is "I don't appreciate your talking to me that way." Often the person is looking for someone to fight with. This statement allows you to assert yourself without engaging.

Nothing feels better than speaking up for yourself at the right time. If you respond appropriately, the anger won't accumulate or explode.

by Anonymousreply 31December 24, 2021 6:45 PM

R26 Real!y? Your obvious wit and wisdom is preferable?

by Anonymousreply 32December 24, 2021 6:47 PM

How can you be offended by some random stranger online? Who cares what anonymous posters say to you.

by Anonymousreply 33December 24, 2021 7:08 PM

I actually like Patsy Ramsey. I just hope she isn't the same lame brain who does Darfur Orphan. I hate that unfunny fucking troll with a passion.

by Anonymousreply 34December 24, 2021 7:09 PM

R33 I'm not the OP but there's always a real person behind the computer/phone/tablet, typing out those views and comments. It's anonymous but it's still a real person saying those things to you. I never really understand the argument that just because it's not attached to a name that it 'doesn't matter', to be honest.

by Anonymousreply 35December 24, 2021 7:12 PM

R35 Not true. Sooooooooooo not true. Tell that to psychotic Janbot and her 50 sock puppet accounts all enamored with Ms Nasty snatch herself.

by Anonymousreply 36December 24, 2021 7:14 PM

R36 It's still a real person behind that. No matter what, even if it's an army of bots, a real person programmed them to say what they did. WTAF.

by Anonymousreply 37December 24, 2021 7:16 PM

R37 Fuck that shit. Janbot is not human. Not even close. She's a dog. And DL is loaded up with hundreds of trolls with lord knows how many sock puppet accounts. So no, miss. You are 100% wrong that they are all human.

by Anonymousreply 38December 24, 2021 7:18 PM

R38 nope, a dog cannot post remotely coherently on DL. So while this Janbot is likely a mentally ill asshole, they're still an idiot person.

by Anonymousreply 39December 24, 2021 7:23 PM

R39 You are a moron and probably a sock puppet account of some idiot troll who has zero comprehension of ANYTHING. Be gone, troll.

by Anonymousreply 40December 24, 2021 7:25 PM

How does thick skin develop? Repeated exposure, contact and irritation.

Spending all summer barefoot, running around on grass and gravel and hot sand, our soles would grow tough. It felt so weird to stuff them back into socks and shoes when school started. And then in June, our feet would be pale and soft and sensitive. Just walking barefoot on the driveway was difficult.

Like that.

by Anonymousreply 41December 24, 2021 8:12 PM

R29 can you recommend any antidepressants that don’t make you gain weight?

by Anonymousreply 42December 24, 2021 8:19 PM

r42 Adderall! Cocaine!

by Anonymousreply 43December 24, 2021 8:21 PM

Most online forums are toxic trash OP.

by Anonymousreply 44December 24, 2021 8:25 PM

Hopefully I'll soon be going back on my nefazodone, R42. It's a great anti-depressant for those of us who are also chronic insomniacs (it knocks you out at night!) and it doesn't affect your sex drive.

If you're the kind of depressive who would just as soon sleep the day away, I highly recommend buproprion (AKA Wellbutrin). Also doesn't affect your sex drive.

Good luck!

by Anonymousreply 45December 24, 2021 10:40 PM
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