Introduce yourself

My name is Ben. I'm a successful actor but married the wrong woman and it screwed up my entire life. It still is.

I’m Karl. 65 years old, married to my husband for 8 years - we have been a couple for 35. We live in Chicago. Thinking of moving - we just can’t decide where. So we stay put. But life is good.

I'm Lucia. I live in a small town in England where I do nothing but spout out Italian phrases, play bridge in the evenings, and battle with my arch enemy Elizabeth. Although I was born a woman, I am probably the reincarnation of every gay man who ever lived before me.

I'm a full figured older gal. I've been to Georgia and California. I've seen somethings that woman not supposed to see. I am alone.

R2 - Karl move out to Palm Springs and get away from those awful winters.

I'm retired. I'm a Lesbian. Butch. I broke off with my last partner 3 years ago. Then I gained weight and didn't give a fuck. I live alone except for three beagles who are a pain in the ass, but I love them. I write under another name and have published successfully, mostly short stories, and interviews and feature articles. Soft stuff not hard hitting investigative journalism. I like to get in the car and go to the ocean. Never the mountains. I enjoy long walks. Very long walks. I gave up alcohol a few months ago. I feel better. Maybe in 2022 I'll lose some weight. Might join the Y. I'm 62. I enjoy classical music and Jazz. I hate all Republicans. Although Liz Cheney definitely does something for me, I will never vote for any Republican. Period. In 2020, I was torn between Klobuchar and Warren,, but I'm fine with Joe and Kamala. They had a shit mess to clean up, including dead bodies. Joe needs to toughen up. I didn't vote for a fuckin' clerk. I voted for a leader. If he talks stronger and kicks a few asses his numbers will improve.

I'm a 58-year-old who looks 22. I am 200 lb overweight, have a very unremarkable face and wear caftans because it's the only thing that fits me, but gorgeous men with incredible bodies all go crazy about me (by the way: they are ALL straight, because you better believe that handsome straight men secretly desire old, fat and unattractive gay men). I will excuse ANYTHING that attractive straight men do, no matter how evil and disgusting - unless it affects me negatively, of course. Then, I will claim that ALL straight men are horrible homophobes, before turning around and bragging about how many of them want me and sleep with me.

I am clinging on to the middle class by the skin of my teeth, but I will still be pointlessly snobbish and look down on everyone who is worse off, as if leading a slightly less precarious existence than them turned me into the wealthiest aristocrat who ever lived. I don't know anything about etiquette or important social events, but I once attended the Kentucky Derby dressed in a tuxedo and I've travelled several times to Europe and been photographed by the gates of Buckingham Palace. According to me, that makes me the utmost authority on art, history, politics, philosophy and good taste.

I claim to be left wing but blindly support any policies that the Democratic party presents, no matter how reactionary and detrimental they are to the lives of the productive classes. I will also twist myself into pretzels to justify them and I will furiously attack anyone who dares to criticize them, claiming that they are Russian, Chinese, Iranian or Trumpsters. When my initial displays of racist name-calling aren't enough, I will escalate things and accuse people of being fat, ugly, old, effeminate, poor, trannies, incels, women or racist (OH, THE IRONY!!!).

Also, whenever Republicans implement or follow the same policies as Democrats, I will foam in the mouth and claim that they are monsters, even though they are doing the same as the party I support! I refuse to see that both parties are one and the same, because the likes of Rachel Maddow, Anderson Cooper and the Washington Post tell me so. Also, Tucker Carlson isn't hot, so his opinion doesn't really count unless he is disparaging dark-skinned people.

I also have a shih tzu named Jackie O and a Highland white terrier named Marilyn, who I call my children. My four friends (my mother, my fat female co-worker and two other insufferable fat gay men like me) love my bitchiness and obsession with soap operas from the 1970s. Oh, and before I forget: I am pathetically obsessed with a gay-for-pay porn star from 30 years ago!

If you want to get in my good books, tell me I'm ALWAYS right.

R6 - Hello. I’d definitely be friends with you! You sound like an interesting person with lots of great stories. But you also sound alarmingly close to Rosie O’Donnell.

I am handsome 20 year old from north

looking for older man with security and strong arms to hold me

OP, you sound charming. I get out to Palm Springs about once a month. Let me know if you might want a new friend.

R10 - I’d love that. You sound like a person with a kind heart.

[R7], are you me????

R7 - You’re me! I mean almost every detail except for the breed of the dogs.

R10 here...sorry, OP, I was x1 # off. My blog linked below if you wanna reach out.

OP what an interesting thread! You're all fascinating (except for the smartass ones) and I hope we hear of it here if any of you do meet up IRL.

My pin number is -1234 and all my passwords are "password"

a blog? and the title! insufferable.

R17 - I think the blog name is quite charming.

I look forward to reading the blog :)

Hello everybody, this is Mrs. Norman Maine.

R12 and R13, I'm glad to find out that we're all kindred spirits (even though I probably look much younger and irresistibly manlier in my floral print caftan). I would invite you to join me for one of my famous candlelit suppers, but the three of us probably wouldn't fit in my tiny one-bedroom aparment. Also, you would try on my silk caftans and want to steal all the straight hunks who are queueing outside my door, for a bit of jiggly bang-a-bang-bang.

Anyway, marvel at my stylish beauty, bitches! This is how I get them all straight men to want me...

[R3], LOO-CHAA! - Georgie

Hi, I’m Chauncey, and I’m a Datalounge addict.

Cancer and my name is Larry And I like a woman that loves everything and everybody Because I love everybody and everything And you know what, ladies, if you feel that this is you Then this is what I want you to do

Everything you've heard about us Miami girls is true!

We're always on the move!

I'm Judy, and I was born to fly!

FLY ME!

My name is Michael. I got a nickel. I got a nickel, shiny and new!

I'm gonna buy me all kinds of candy! That's what I'm gonna do!

[quote]it’s an anonymous site and there’s very little risk of us knowing who you are.

Define "us."

Beware of trolls posting seemingly innocuous questions.

OP and the Dataloungers, liking to get to know one another.

I'm Sally. I'm a remarkable woman-you want to bathe in my light. I wanted hearts, not diamonds.

My name is Claire, and I am a alcoholic.

I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key.

Hello. I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me.

HELLO! MY NAME IS BILL TAYLOR AND I LIKE MEN, ESPECIALLY MEN WITH BIG ASSES BUT REALLY ALL KINDS OF MEN. I'M USUALLY SITTING IN A LAWN CHAIR IN MY FRONT YARD. STOP BY AND SEE ME. ESPECIALLY IS YOU HAVE A GOOD BODY WITH A BIG BUTT!

One of you has probably seen me at a bar in LA. I go to many. Or at least, I did, pre-COVID. But I'll never tell that I saw you there too. *wink*

My skin is brown. My manner is tough. I'll kill the first mother I see. My life has been rough. I'm awfully bitter these days, 'cause my parents were slaves. What do they call me?

MY NAME IS PEACHES!!!

I know a place where the music is fine and the lights are always low,

I know a place where we can go.

Once upon a time 3 little girls went to the police academy and they were each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that and now they work for me-my name is Charlie.

R35 Oh Sweet Thing!

Hi Nina at R35!

R35 All my life I have been waiting for a disco version of this song.

Jump in! Jump out! Introduce yourself!

I like long, romantic walks (to the fridge), clubbing (baby seals), big dicks, & fried chicken.

R35 Hi I'm Saffronia.

Hello, I believe in the soul... the cock...the pussy... the small of the back... the hangin' curveball... high fiber... good scotch... that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap...

I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter.

I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

I like the pole, and the hole, and right now I’m as moist as a snack cake down there.

I am Lilly of the valley, of the peaceful quiet valley over there. And I'm lonely, Oh so lonely, and no one in the valley seems to care.

I am Woman, hear me roar!

I like pina coladas and getting lost in the rain. I'm not into yoga I am into champagne.

I believe that children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way.

I was MOLESTED!

I like blue.

I don't want to use my real name but you've seen me around.

I am Tondelayo. I make tiffin for you?

I vant to be alone.

My name is OTTO.

I like to get BLOTTO.

I don't care. Do u?

I was probed by an extraterrestrial in the desert.

I'm non-binary and my pronouns and They/Them.

Most importantly, I'm California sober, so poor me a big glass of Chardonnay and light me up a doobie.

This is me, I'm an original DL Frau.

R57 Cannabis is medicine.

My name is Luca. I live on the second floor.

I am ... I said

I eat clay because my beard, er...fiance, Shailene, says it will clean out my hole and cure covid!

I love rock and roll and I like candy. I will have you -yes I will have you-I will find a way and I will have you. Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly, I will collect you and capture you. I know there's something going on.

MY FATHER WAS SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN!

I do some sewing for Mrs. Littman. I enjoy the company of great big fat girls.

I'm a senatrix from South Carolina, and I'm charmed to make y'alls acquaintance. I can express this sentiment better in one of my favorite songs.

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long, long years, Stole million man's soul and faith. And I was 'round when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain. Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.

Stuck around St. Petersburg when I saw it was a time for a change. Killed Tsar and his ministers, Anastasia screamed in vain. I rode a tank, held a general's rank, when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name. What's puzzling you is the nature of my game.

Hello Everybody! My name’s Rose - what’s YOURS??!!

I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty waist And a round thing in your face

You get sprung, wanna pull up tough 'Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring

Hello! I've just got to let you know 'cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do

R35 Hi I'm Aunt Sarah.

Hi my name is Peacock 🦚…

Hello, it’s me. I’ve thought about us for a long, long time.

I'm Charlene. I've been to so many places including the isle of Greece but I feel strangely empty. Perhaps my life choices were a mistake?

I'm Carlene, Charlene's dumber sister from Poplar Bluff!

R6, you sound delightful. It's nice to "know" you.

We're a Happy Family, We're a Happy Family, We're a Happy Family, Me, Mom, and Daddy

OP, so sorry that you lost your partner of 21 years.

Let me save you all some time with this generic universal profile:

My name is Boris. Johnson. Bad hair, fat, too many kids, and deep doo doo at work. I need a change.

Oh, hello there. I don't believe we've been introduced. My name is Blanche Devereaux. That's French for Blanche Devereaux.

Hi, I’m Helen Madden and I’m a licensed Joyologist!

I’m not Joe, but do y’all agree?

I'd like to introduce you to our credit manager Helen Waite. If you want credit...go to Helen Waite.

Here r79: let me help you out.

DL’s highly problematic preview mode only plays so many external sites here, and YouTube is one of them

8 inches

My name is Luca, I live on the 2nd floor

No, R87, actually you are lazy and self absorbed.

Before retiring, I was a stay-at-home Mom to one of the cutest, most spiteful, UNGRATEFUL, little...

I’m so sorry r60 i should’ve looked. I bow to a talent far greater than my own

R83 - That is fucking hilarious and so, so true.

Well my name is Anthony but since four of us share that name I go by my middle Steven. In Italian I'm Antone Stefano. I'm 57 years old. On the downslide to 60. I'm an I.T. and InfoSec professional too. Live in the metro Atlanta area.

R92 - I usually enjoy your posts. Nice to meet you.

R93, Op: Same here.

I’m Sugarpie Honeybunch and I’m weaker than a man should be

r92, four of you? At your job? In your family? Are you in a quadrouple? No shade if you are!

I am, I am, I am

I said I wanna get next to you

I said I'm gonna get close to you

You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too

Hurt you too

R96 - He means there are four siblings (brothers) with that name.

My name is Barbra.

r96: Four of us on my fathers side of the family. Me, my father and my grandfather. Plus my cousin goes and names one of his the same.

Ah, got it r100. I would rather it have been the quadrouple than a George Foreman situation. Glad it's mostly different generations. (Not that you should care one whit about my opinion.)

#7 = Jackie Beat

Excuse Me! My name is Helen Van Patterson Patton.

Hello I’m Maureen McCormick.

I am pretty sure that everyone here knows far more about me than they could possibly want.

I'm Yvonne, and this is it!

I'm Daisy Clover...

I’m Nomi Malone.

Call me Barbra.

I condescend to wish you what you want me to wish you in the hell of your life.

That woman is me, OP...

I was born a poor black child...but I now pass for white. You wouldn't believe the things white people say to me, not knowing my true color!

R105, hey Rescue Chick, I wound up buying some sheets you recommended in the Black Friday thread. They are great!

I'm not a smart man, but I know whut luv is!

OH BOY! It'sh sho MARVELOUSH of you all to interdouche yourshelvesh tonight! I'm Lisha with an SH! NEEEEeeeew YAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAWK!!!

Have you bozos checked your Signal lately?

Oh. Wait. Where am I?

OP, darling...I'M your Auntie Mame!

I call myself… Phoebe.

r112, they're on my bed right now! 😊

THEY CALL ME MR JIZZ!

[quote]Excuse Me! My name is Helen Van Patterson Patton.

And I'm her sister, Debbie.

I’m Brittney, bitch!

I am Diana ( but Ms. Ross to most ya bitches ) I am the ONLY surviving Supreme and I am worth 250 million dollars

I’m a gay total bottom in my 30s. I’m originally from NYC but moved away a few years ago to escape the hustle and bustle of the big city. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am a total sweetheart and I love the institutional knowledge of DL. I’m single and a hopeless romantic, always hoping I’ll find my perfect top.

Si mi chiamano MMMIMMIIIIIIII....

Lucy in the sky with diamonds....or Judy in disguise, with glasses. Take your pick.

I'm Helen Lawson. I'm a Broadway legend and a DL institution. They don't make 'em like me anymore, baby, and don't you forget it!

I live fast, I've got a TON of talent and I've got that HARD CORE you need to make it in this goddam business.

And I got an itchy cooter.

Am I the first DLer in history who’s dumb/vain enough to post a selfie? I’m a 30 year old Aussie wastoid who’s stuck at home with (probably) covid this weekend.

^ hi, doll!

post some nudes, pls

Very cute R127!

I Svetlana. I make pee pee for American diplomat, and I make comment on the totally corrupt western messages boards.

R127 - I remember guys doing that years back. I also remember when you could share your email address.

R127 - Damn boy you are a handsome man! I love your look, and that mustache looks great on you, and I normally don’t like them. I might just have to fly out there (post Covid BS) and meet you at Manly Beach. Nice to meet you!

I'm a major pussyhound. Big Bush supporter.

R127...You look a little like Robert Downey Jr., back in the 80s...when young.

I'm Bonnie. I hate exercise, but I love to tap!

Hi I'm Bruce. 63. Retired. Live alone by the beach round the corner from my childhood home. My nieces and nephews live nearby. Career in LA for 35 years allowed me to travel around the world. Saw and did it all. If I keel over on the beach and the tide takes me I will consider myself a lucky guy . Only regret is the love of my life my partner of 23 years died and I really have not gotten over it. I miss him. E' la Vita.

R127 - I thought everyone on here was old, fat, caftan-wearing, gin-sipping bitches. You’ve renewed a handsome, fit, attractive, successful man’s hope for the future! Welcome.

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

R127 - I think I’m in love. I can just imagine your accent. Can I get your Insta?

That very well may be, Helen Lawson at R126, but I bet you still never got around to plantin' that tree, BITCH!

I'm a low plains grifter.

Thanx for the fanfare guys 💋

A fun fact about me which may drive some of you wild is that I’m a hung top who’s pretty much exclusively into much older and fat/ugly guys. I’m seeing someone though... but there must be others like me out there!

R127 - omg you’re my dream man!!!

I'm Miss Warwick.

You want anything else from me you pay for it.

Please, guys, be smarter than this.

OP is off being a particularly vile racist in the thread about the kid in Baltimore, and also insisting that his mom was trying to sell the kid into slavery.

Don't give ANYONE on Datalounge even your first name, let alone any other identifying information along with it. Hopefully this is just a crank with a personality disorder but you really shouldn't be this trusting of anyone on here.

I'm a middle aged partnered bear in the Pacific Northwest. My hobbies are reading, spending time with friends, and being a total cumdump. Seriously, hundreds of guys every year. Cum and beer get me through the winter months.

R147 - Awesome! You should come see us in Texas. We have a gay clothing optional campground north of Houston and it’s got a beautiful pool and hottub. And everything goes!

Oh, I'm familiar R148. Been on my list for a while. :)

R149 - it’s a beautiful place! Secluded and very well done by the owners/caretakers. Hope to see you this spring!

R150: I'm usually face down ass up, tbh, so I might not see you. ;-)

Anastasia Beaverhausen.

Anastasia like Russian royalty and Beaverhausen like...where the beaver live.

My name is Melinda! Lady Melinda Winifred Waine Tentrees.

I am Rollo Tomassi.

I’m the first woman of country music, Loretta Lynn.

I am what I am.

I'm the creator of the "Who was the best Oscar winning actress by decade" threads earlier this year. I also enjoy witty banter on Mutder, She Wrote and The Golden Girls. Hi!

I am young, handsome, sweet and smart. Actually I am famous, you have likely heard of me. Making good money too.. Got a big cock and know how to use it. Still, I am humble and down to earth.

Of course, I am not perfect. I have been told I am too hardworking and too kind. But you know, haters gonna hate.

R158 - You sound sweet and cool. Are you a bottom? I’m 40 and I’ve been told a really good top. I’m ruggedly handsome and work out 5 times/week. I like cooking, Rock climbing, and I’m working on my second PhD. I’m also a skilled sailor and have navigated the Greek isles. I’d love to take you on a hike.

...cringe...

My ex-wife made me an alcoholic...

But I'm a really cool guy (burp)

I like beer!

R6 CNN and The New York Times say Joe shouldn't run again. He's too old and has a 68% disapproval rating.

R158 I climb too! But max crux is 5 so far. It does make my fingers ugly but for most of my jobs that does not matter. Do you climb mostly indoor or outdoor? Why do you want two PhDs?

I am verse. I could appreciate a good top with a good brain.

I'm an award-winning interior designer who made the mistake of my fucking life when I agreed to host this show without a budget.

If I find an old school desk and some shiplap at the dump on taping day? Fine, you're getting a "Kicky Cape Cod Cozy Study Nook" whether you fucking like it or not. I couldn't give a shit either way. Throw it out when I leave if you want. I'm just going through the fucking motions, baby.

Oh, look, an old pressboard nightstand with one side missing. Great, you're getting a "Kicky Kitty Litter Box Kozy" instead. I'll spray-paint the fucker turquoise, you put a plastic pan inside, and your cat can fucking shit in it all the livelong day. Job. Done.

I'm on my fifth bottle of Yellow Tail tonight and I'm about to crack open some Barefoot, so don't mind me. Actually, I don't give a fuck if you mind me or not.

Fuck you. Fuck my life.

My cats breathe smells like cat food.

[quote] I am Diana ( but Ms. Ross to most ya bitches ) I am the ONLY surviving Supreme

NOT SO FAST, CUNT!