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Let’s be a conservative Republican film!

I'm the bankable, highly in-demand stars like Scott Baio, Kevin Sorbo and Stacey Dash

by Anonymousreply 94November 29, 2021 5:14 PM

I'm the filmmakers who talk about the horror of "urban elites" while almost always residing in LA or NYC

by Anonymousreply 1November 19, 2021 2:30 AM

I'm the refreshing lack of trans characters.

by Anonymousreply 2November 19, 2021 2:33 AM

I'm the production value. I never make it to set.

by Anonymousreply 3November 19, 2021 2:33 AM

I'm Kristy Swanson passing Covid around the set.

by Anonymousreply 4November 19, 2021 2:41 AM

I'm major asshole Nick Searcy being a dick to everyone on Twitter between takes.

by Anonymousreply 5November 19, 2021 2:42 AM

I'm the unseen Jew-boy cabal that ensures that the film never receives the accolades it deserves!

by Anonymousreply 6November 19, 2021 2:42 AM

I'm the 2nd Amendment rights.

by Anonymousreply 7November 19, 2021 2:42 AM

I'm James Woods, auditioning 16 year old actresses on the couch in my trailer.

by Anonymousreply 8November 19, 2021 2:43 AM

I am the metoo article about how the Texas film community is in a tailspin due to sexual harassment allegations against the one right wing dude who funded all their movies they produced in the state.

by Anonymousreply 9November 19, 2021 2:44 AM

R6 r7 r9

by Anonymousreply 10November 19, 2021 2:46 AM

We’re the sassy black sisters played by Diamond and Silk. Every angry old conservative thinks we’re HILARIOUS.

by Anonymousreply 11November 19, 2021 2:49 AM

I'm the low budget.

by Anonymousreply 12November 19, 2021 2:50 AM

I'm the saying of grace at the Sunday family dinner scene.

by Anonymousreply 13November 19, 2021 2:56 AM

I'm the evil, deranged funder. I made millions off some infocommercial dreck. I LOVE JEEBUS.

by Anonymousreply 14November 19, 2021 2:56 AM

R14 = Ben Shapiro.

by Anonymousreply 15November 19, 2021 3:00 AM

I'm the hate without which this labour of love would not be possible.

by Anonymousreply 16November 19, 2021 3:01 AM

I'm the giant flag waving in slow motion.

by Anonymousreply 17November 19, 2021 3:04 AM

I am the beautiful letter.

by Anonymousreply 18November 19, 2021 3:05 AM

I am every cliche in the book cramed into the film.

by Anonymousreply 19November 19, 2021 3:07 AM

I'm God Bless The U.S..A. by Lee Greenwood which is used in the soundtrack.

by Anonymousreply 20November 19, 2021 3:07 AM

I'm Lawrence Fox's enormous cock playing Hunter Biden's enormous cock.

by Anonymousreply 21November 19, 2021 3:10 AM

I am Covid Denier On A Ventilator #7

by Anonymousreply 22November 19, 2021 3:13 AM

I'm Delta variant running through the cast and the crew like a wildfire. None of them are vaccinated - YAY!!

by Anonymousreply 23November 19, 2021 3:13 AM

I'm Chick-fil-A providing catering and heart disease.

by Anonymousreply 24November 19, 2021 3:15 AM

I’m the cigar smoke-filled, dark and ominous boardroom where the film plot was hatched up

by Anonymousreply 25November 19, 2021 3:18 AM

I'm the PPP loan that "small government" conservatives took out during the pandemic while denigrating workers on unemployment insurance.

by Anonymousreply 26November 19, 2021 3:18 AM

I'm the thoughts, prayers and good guy with a gun who not only save the day but save America as well!

by Anonymousreply 27November 19, 2021 3:22 AM

R10, suck Daddy's dick until you die.

by Anonymousreply 28November 19, 2021 3:33 AM

I'm the missing/stolen votes keeping these films from their Oscar nominations!!!

by Anonymousreply 29November 19, 2021 3:37 AM

I'm the "family values" message in the film.

You can't do conservative films without it!

by Anonymousreply 30November 19, 2021 4:00 AM

I'm the D-list European actor who had his heyday in the late 70s playing the Antichrist. Hey, a paycheck is a paycheck.

by Anonymousreply 31November 19, 2021 4:02 AM

I'm the big right wing action star who promotes "family values" but cheats on their wife/partner while preaching it (& it always comes out in the media because I'm not smart enough to keep it covered up) =

Arnold, Sly, Denzel, Bruce Willis, Steven Seagal, etc. etc.

by Anonymousreply 32November 19, 2021 4:06 AM

I’m the large home with columns. It’s a dog whistle that harkens back to a Paula Deen wet dream. Oh, isn’t that lawn jockey adorable?

by Anonymousreply 33November 19, 2021 4:14 AM

I’m Jon Voight. I complain about the treatment of Republicans in Hollywood but unlike 90% of my age demographic I still receive high profile work and mainstream award nominations. I call acting in these no budget Conservative productions good for the soul.

by Anonymousreply 34November 19, 2021 5:10 AM

I’m the Hallmark Channel even I won’t carry this dreck. Try Dove.

by Anonymousreply 35November 19, 2021 5:13 AM

I'm the wrap party at In-N-Out Burger, because they don't require masks.

by Anonymousreply 36November 19, 2021 5:27 AM

I’m the promotion material promising to “TRIGGER THE LIBERALS”

by Anonymousreply 37November 19, 2021 5:28 AM

I'm Antonio Sabato, Jr. with a butt plug up my chuff, complaining how I'm canceled now since playing the rusty trombone with Trump!

by Anonymousreply 38November 19, 2021 5:48 AM

I’m the trophy from the conservative foundation that gives awards to any film that donates five figures.

by Anonymousreply 39November 19, 2021 6:10 AM

I'm the "coastal elites" aka Jews

by Anonymousreply 40November 19, 2021 6:14 AM

I'm the has-been actor that you can't quite place. I might have been on an 80s nighttime soap or a 90s sitcom.

by Anonymousreply 41November 19, 2021 6:17 AM

I’m the wayward teen in the film. The film’s writers were born in 1962, so I wear flannel and like to skateboard. Also, one hit off a joint turns me into a violent criminal.

by Anonymousreply 42November 19, 2021 6:17 AM

I'm the actor who isn't particularly conservative or religious but signed on to appear in this crap because he hasn't worked in a while and really needs the money

by Anonymousreply 43November 19, 2021 6:18 AM

I’m the Goya beans and MyPillow product placement.

by Anonymousreply 44November 19, 2021 6:20 AM

I’m the frau wife, contemplative sipping a pumpkin spice drink while wearing a duster, worrying that my morning goodbye kiss to my cop hubby on his way to work, might’ve been our last.

by Anonymousreply 45November 19, 2021 7:18 AM

I'm Hoopla, the free streaming service offered by your local library where most of these piece of shit films end up.

by Anonymousreply 46November 19, 2021 7:49 AM

Wilfred Brimley or bust!

by Anonymousreply 47November 19, 2021 8:13 AM

I'm the anti abortion sub plot in the film.

by Anonymousreply 48November 19, 2021 8:55 AM

I'm the large family dog.

by Anonymousreply 49November 19, 2021 12:20 PM

r2 r13 r17

by Anonymousreply 50November 19, 2021 12:20 PM

I'm JK Rowling. The twats I turned into multimillionaires by the time they were 18 insulted my intelligence with the classic blinkered bullshit of the liberal left.

I will be sure that this film won't be kow-towing to the Biology Doesn't Mean Anything crowd.

by Anonymousreply 51November 19, 2021 12:46 PM

I'm their fake religious piety and their faux patriotism that conservatives and Republicans so love that will go into the film.

Art imitating life.

by Anonymousreply 52November 19, 2021 1:48 PM

I’m R51 and I got lost on my way to the showing of “Saving Christmas” starring Kirk Cameron.

by Anonymousreply 53November 19, 2021 1:52 PM

I'm R53 - I think people like JK Rowling should be called dangerous to be around children because they think biology isn't a "social construct".

by Anonymousreply 54November 19, 2021 1:56 PM

I am the lack of plot and thinly veiled racism.

by Anonymousreply 55November 19, 2021 2:04 PM

I'm R51/R54 AKA DeTurdo AKA Att Manscher and I'll be one of the three people outside church groups who will actually pay to see this.

by Anonymousreply 56November 19, 2021 2:55 PM

I'm the refreshing lack of moral ambiguity.

by Anonymousreply 57November 19, 2021 3:21 PM

I'm the "themes" of the "film", delivered with the subtlety of a crashing plane.

by Anonymousreply 58November 19, 2021 9:13 PM

I'm the truly heinous green screen work throughout, but especially when Corbin Bernsen and Dennis Quaid are standing on the steps of the Supreme Court.

by Anonymousreply 59November 19, 2021 9:19 PM

I'm the evil atheist lawyer/professor/politician who hates god. Watch me sneer at the christian protagonist.

by Anonymousreply 60November 19, 2021 9:29 PM

r51 r55 r54 r57

by Anonymousreply 61November 19, 2021 10:14 PM

I'm the fat actor playing a Michael Moore type. I will see the truth in the end and be redeemed!

by Anonymousreply 62November 19, 2021 10:28 PM

I'm the 2-day Fathom Event screening at selected theaters, attended by approx. 10 people.

by Anonymousreply 63November 19, 2021 10:36 PM

I’m the gay bi-racial couple who moved into the lily white suburbs. When our home was firebombed, the audience cheered.

by Anonymousreply 64November 19, 2021 10:38 PM

I’m Kyle Shit-in-House, making a cameo appearance because I am what passes as an inspirational hero (Deus ex machina) to the morally depraved Christian Right.

by Anonymousreply 65November 19, 2021 10:46 PM

I'm the complete historical illiteracy.

by Anonymousreply 66November 19, 2021 10:48 PM

I'm all the secret gay sex going on that nobody talks about.

by Anonymousreply 67November 19, 2021 11:01 PM

I'm the cocaine. You wouldn't think all these Christers would be into me, but daaaaaaamnnnnn... 4 lines and they're up to their elbows in each other's asses.

by Anonymousreply 68November 19, 2021 11:13 PM

I'm Kyle Rittenhouse, cast as "Dog Walker #2".

by Anonymousreply 69November 19, 2021 11:18 PM

I'm Jasmine Guy showing up to get a paycheck.

by Anonymousreply 70November 20, 2021 1:44 AM

I'm Tommy Wiseau, I'll be directing.

by Anonymousreply 71November 20, 2021 2:21 AM

I'm Randy Quaid, playing a Hollywood celebrity whacker.

by Anonymousreply 72November 20, 2021 2:26 AM

I'm Ricky Schroder fighting "the good fight".

by Anonymousreply 73November 20, 2021 2:47 AM

I'm the inevitable reference to GOP Jesus.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 74November 20, 2021 3:18 AM

I'm the picture perfect family.

Nothing bad could ever happen to us.

Or could it?

by Anonymousreply 75November 20, 2021 3:26 AM

I'm the cinematography confusing the viewer into believing this is actually a corporate training video.

by Anonymousreply 76November 20, 2021 4:08 AM


by Anonymousreply 77November 20, 2021 1:46 PM

I'm the voice of reason in a world gone mad.

by Anonymousreply 78November 20, 2021 3:27 PM

I'm the son who is just a little different than the other boys.

by Anonymousreply 79November 20, 2021 4:02 PM

I’m Dean Cain and I play the cackling liberal villain of the piece. My character works in some ill-defined sphere of academia. My big third act scene has me saying, "Jesus? Only idiots and troglodytes believe in Jesus. I believe in science and serving my own selfish self-interests. Sex with multiple partners and illegal drugs and Hillary Clinton, man!" and then I get hit by an out of control city bus driven by an illegal immigrant. It’s a very layered film.

by Anonymousreply 80November 20, 2021 4:11 PM


by Anonymousreply 81November 20, 2021 5:55 PM

I am Donald Trump and I insist on a cameo appearance. Must be filmed at one of my properties. My fee is $25 million. Nonnegotiable.

by Anonymousreply 82November 24, 2021 11:38 PM

I am the nastiness that the filmakers confuse with humor

by Anonymousreply 83November 24, 2021 11:47 PM

I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle and I'll give a lap dance to anybody who funds the movie (and gives me some coke)

by Anonymousreply 84November 25, 2021 12:24 AM

I'm the complete lack of nuance. Also the lack of surprise that there is no nuance.

by Anonymousreply 85November 25, 2021 12:35 AM

…Staring Chrissy Metz, Chris Pratt, Jim Caviezal and Directed by Mel Gibson.

by Anonymousreply 86November 25, 2021 12:41 AM

R86 Is Chrissy Metz a conservative?

by Anonymousreply 87November 29, 2021 7:24 AM

I am the Bible they beat on the lectern to prove their points.

by Anonymousreply 88November 29, 2021 7:26 AM

I am the "I'm Proud To Be An American" big dance finale.

by Anonymousreply 89November 29, 2021 7:27 AM

I am the flag they wrap around their bodies while they protest. Damn, their pussy stinks.

by Anonymousreply 90November 29, 2021 7:30 AM

The heroine of the film.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 91November 29, 2021 7:31 AM

I am the heroine’s Mother.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 92November 29, 2021 7:35 AM

I'm the Italian hasbeen whose biggest credit was two lines on The Sopranos. I play the president of an unnamed Muslim country. I use Angelina Jolie's Transylvanian accent.

by Anonymousreply 93November 29, 2021 3:03 PM

I'm the refreshing lack of woke.

by Anonymousreply 94November 29, 2021 5:14 PM
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