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Let's Be the Nixon Administration

I'm the "cocksuckers" that are ruining the country. Damned cocksuckers.

by Anonymousreply 209November 27, 2021 6:34 PM

I'm Nixon's rum and coke.

by Anonymousreply 1November 12, 2021 2:18 AM

I am the truly hideous Watergate Hotel.

Gaze upon my 1970s fascist-modern interiors.

by Anonymousreply 2November 12, 2021 2:20 AM

I am Martha Mitchell. I am batshit crazy.

by Anonymousreply 3November 12, 2021 2:26 AM

I'm Pat. Sure, I turned a blind eye to my impotent husband's criminal ventures, but I was actually a kickass first lady nobody ever talks about. They're all over Jackie and that slut Anne Robbins (aka Nancy Reagan), but people forget I visited an earthquake zone and climbed through the rubble to help look for trapped survivors. I also once flew over an active combat zone in Vietnam in an open-door Huey - something DICK never did.

And when I was a kid, I was a scullery maid for my drunken father and my brothers, and scrubbed more floors than Frances Cleveland sucked cocks!

by Anonymousreply 4November 12, 2021 2:28 AM

I'm Rosemary Woods. I can run an IBM Selectric like it's nobody's business, keep 7 phone calls going on separate lines, receive First Get facsimiles, and mysteriously erase 18.5 minutes of crucial conversation. Some say I'm a better contortionist than Mr. Houdini himself.

by Anonymousreply 5November 12, 2021 2:40 AM

I'm Henry Kissinger making backroom deals with the North Vietnamese. I especially like to announce that progress is being made right before Nixon's reelection bid.

by Anonymousreply 6November 12, 2021 2:43 AM

I'm the impromptu prayer sessions at night in front of the picture of Lincoln a few days before Nixon resigns.

by Anonymousreply 7November 12, 2021 2:44 AM

I'm the 18 1/2 minute pause on the tape.

by Anonymousreply 8November 12, 2021 2:44 AM

I'm John "was supposed to be the fall guy" Dean, Nixon's attorney.

Darned if I didn't go and make a deal with the prosecutor right after I sussed that Nixon was hoping I'd take the blame.

Nope. Sorry.

by Anonymousreply 9November 12, 2021 2:48 AM

I'm Pat drunkenly complaining about Dick's drinking.

by Anonymousreply 10November 12, 2021 2:50 AM

I'm the careful Nixon double-speak about the Kennedy assassination conspiracy, caught on tape and ignored for decades.

I'm also the real scoop about it lost in Ms. Woods' oopsie.

by Anonymousreply 11November 12, 2021 2:51 AM

I'm that episode of "All in the Family" that sent Nixon into a confused and profane state the morning after airing. He was really quite upset that Archie Bunker had a fag for a friend and a longhair for a son-in-law.

by Anonymousreply 12November 12, 2021 3:35 AM

Pat was the most popular US First Lady, after Bess Truman. Try to imagine that. People really want motherly types as First Lady.

by Anonymousreply 13November 12, 2021 3:37 AM

I'm Tricia, telling my fiancé Christopher Cox I'm not that kind of girl and won't go beyond second base until I'm married.

by Anonymousreply 14November 12, 2021 3:37 AM

I'm Gerald Ford. I became president because I was the last man standing.

by Anonymousreply 15November 12, 2021 3:45 AM

I’m Checkers. My ears are sore.

by Anonymousreply 16November 12, 2021 3:51 AM

I'm Pat's famous scarlet Republican cloth coat.!

by Anonymousreply 17November 12, 2021 4:00 AM

I'm Bob Haldeman. Someone ironed the top of my head.

by Anonymousreply 18November 12, 2021 4:05 AM

I’m Elliot Richardson. I was the hero of the Saturday Night Massacre. I was also shit faced drunk the entire time..

by Anonymousreply 19November 12, 2021 4:11 AM

I'm one of Kissinger's Secret Service agents. I have a key to the back door, "just in case," and I pick cute guys up on the Block when Henry the K's away, and he's usually away. The house is located at 3018 Dumbarton NW, one of the main streets of the Block.

by Anonymousreply 20November 12, 2021 4:11 AM

I'm Diane Sawyer and I'm Nixon's Staff Assistant.

by Anonymousreply 21November 12, 2021 4:13 AM

I’m the new Secret Service agent sent to pick up Pat’s 10 cartons of Kents at the Army PX. I’ll make another trip in 3 weeks.

by Anonymousreply 22November 12, 2021 4:16 AM

I’m Bebe Rebozo. Am I to Dick Nixon what Lem Billings was to JFK? Sorry about making you hurl .

by Anonymousreply 23November 12, 2021 4:20 AM

[bold]I'm[/bold] Missy Rebozo.

Dick tasted like smoke and ass when I blew him.

Often.

So often.

by Anonymousreply 24November 12, 2021 4:21 AM

I'm Hunter S. Thompson doing drugs in a battle against American Fascism. I think I'm anti-Nixon and counterculture, but I'm really just another version of Nixon and the mainstream, an aging white dude with more power than he deserves.

by Anonymousreply 25November 12, 2021 4:21 AM

I'm the "expletive deleted".

Our president swore like a trooper. Who knew?

by Anonymousreply 26November 12, 2021 4:32 AM

I’m Ehrlichman. I lost my law license for this.

by Anonymousreply 27November 12, 2021 5:49 AM

I'm Melvin Laird and William P. Rogers. You don't remember us despite being in the administration for four years.

by Anonymousreply 28November 12, 2021 3:03 PM

I'm James Schlesinger. I was running the country while Nixon drowned in insecurity and alcohol.

by Anonymousreply 29November 12, 2021 3:05 PM

We're the 21,041 men killed in the Vietnam War while Dick Nixon was in charge. Some of us would otherwise be alive and posting on DL today.

Please remember us, and pray for our souls.

by Anonymousreply 30November 12, 2021 3:29 PM

I’m JB West the closeted gay Whitehouse usher sneaking in his boyfriends for after hours private tours.

by Anonymousreply 31November 12, 2021 3:32 PM

R31 Great mansions always seem to have plenty of closets.

by Anonymousreply 32November 12, 2021 3:49 PM

Cocksuckers!

by Anonymousreply 33November 12, 2021 3:50 PM

R9 John Dean did get the best deal out of the administration. He is an investment banker who gets multimillion dollar book deals while living in Beverly Hills.

Henry Kissinger is the only one who got it better, if not on par, after Watergate.

by Anonymousreply 34November 12, 2021 4:02 PM

I'm the beginning of environmental policies and an administration that returned a lot power to Native American tribes. It probably happened because Dick didn't pay attention to domestic affairs but there were still enough liberal Republicans around in the administration in those days to do stuff like that.

by Anonymousreply 35November 12, 2021 4:04 PM

R34 Bush Sr, Cheney, Rumsfeld all did better after Nixon than Dean and Kissinger.

by Anonymousreply 36November 12, 2021 4:25 PM

R36 I don't consider Bush Sr part of the administration. He was in China for most of the time. Rumsfeld was OMB, which was not one of the players when everything went down.

In the Ford administration they did well.

by Anonymousreply 37November 12, 2021 5:14 PM

Im the Jews, Henry, the god damned Jews! They’re out to get me.

by Anonymousreply 38November 12, 2021 5:52 PM

R35. Nixon was genuinely liberal on many issues. He extended the social security program and proposed health care reform.

by Anonymousreply 39November 12, 2021 5:54 PM

R37 Ya gotcher time line wrong, fella.

Bush Sr was in China during the Ford Administration, forgotten as it may be.

During the Nixon Administration he was Ambassador to UN then head of the Republican National Committee.

by Anonymousreply 40November 12, 2021 5:54 PM

R37 It's easy to be mistaken when you can't get your fscts right.

by Anonymousreply 41November 12, 2021 5:55 PM

I'm Rose Mary Woods, and as a secretary, I know how to spell my name!

by Anonymousreply 42November 12, 2021 5:58 PM

I'm Rose Marie and you damn well better spell your name right.

by Anonymousreply 43November 12, 2021 6:06 PM

I'm Roger Ailes, Nixon's media consultant. Despite Nixon having resigned in disgrace, I would go on to destroy America via Fox News. Be proud of me, Dick!

by Anonymousreply 44November 12, 2021 6:08 PM

We're the Bohemian Club, the most goddamned faggoty thing you've ever seen.

by Anonymousreply 45November 12, 2021 6:10 PM

I'm the River House in NYC, where semi-embalmed H. Kissinger still lives, I think.

by Anonymousreply 46November 12, 2021 6:16 PM

I’m Hillary Clinton.

by Anonymousreply 47November 12, 2021 6:18 PM

I'm J. Edgar Hoover.

I've been on this board since the day it started. Clyde says "Hi" to y'all.

by Anonymousreply 48November 12, 2021 6:22 PM

R13, neither Pat Nixon nor Bess Truman were "motherly." Neither were Eleanor Roosevelt or Mamie Eisenhower.

Bess hated Washington, kept out of the limelight except when duty obliged her to do something, and stood with her mother as she habitually treated Truman as a sometime failure. Her mother ALWAYS treated Harry like he was a mistake and a loser, even when he was in the White House. The Truman house belonged to Bess and, as an avowed hater of Jews, she refused to ever have one in the house. She may have looked motherly but she was a true "wealthier than her little husband" Midwest cunt. The best thing about her was her discretion, and the second-best thing was having a daughter who sucked up the limelight but became rather wonderful in maturity.

Pat was treated like a cardboard cutout and only had the benefit of being quiet, stalwart, and loyal. Her pathetic alcoholism and long final illness were terrible. Nixon physically abused her, as well.

by Anonymousreply 49November 13, 2021 1:15 AM

R49 " . . . but became rather wonderful in maturity."

Wonderful?

I thought she and that husband of hers were snobs of the highest order. Our very own Princess Margaret and Lord Snowden. Am I way off base?

by Anonymousreply 50November 13, 2021 2:26 AM

I'm Bobby Kennedy. The only reason you became President is because I got my head blown off. Don't you forget that, bitch.

by Anonymousreply 51November 13, 2021 3:05 AM

I'm Hubert Humphrey. I'm afraid I also have some responsibility.

by Anonymousreply 52November 13, 2021 3:14 AM

R51 You didn't lose your head on that hotel kitchen floor. I plugged you right in the groceries but good, but you died with a full coconut on top. Condolences to that roasted-skinned baby factory wife of yours. I think she got knocked up six times on the ambulance ride alone.

by Anonymousreply 53November 13, 2021 3:43 AM

I'm the piece of tape keeping the door unlocked at the Watergate hotel. Everything goes to shit after I'm discovered.

by Anonymousreply 54November 13, 2021 9:52 AM

[quote]I am the truly hideous Watergate Hotel. Gaze upon my1970s fascist-modern interiors.

Not any more, R2.

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by Anonymousreply 55November 13, 2021 12:05 PM

I'm Howard Baker and I steered my center course.

by Anonymousreply 56November 13, 2021 12:29 PM

I'm John Sirica, the last righteous republican.

by Anonymousreply 57November 13, 2021 12:36 PM

I'm the nuclear bomb, drunk out of his mind Nixon wanted to drop on North Vietnam.

by Anonymousreply 58November 13, 2021 12:40 PM

I'm the "enemies list."

by Anonymousreply 59November 13, 2021 2:03 PM

R50, apparently you are unfamiliar with sarcasm.

by Anonymousreply 60November 13, 2021 2:19 PM

R50 You think I could pass by an opportunity for making that fitting Margaret/Snowden analogy?

by Anonymousreply 61November 13, 2021 2:33 PM

I'm the audioanimatronic Nixon hacked by the protagonist of the Firesign Theatre epic "I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus."

by Anonymousreply 62November 13, 2021 3:14 PM

I’m the security guard who was on point enough to find r54 and figured something was up.

by Anonymousreply 63November 13, 2021 4:09 PM

I'm the beginning of the total loss of respect for the office of the presidency that will eventually culminate in the election of a completely unqualified con man from the world of reality television.

by Anonymousreply 64November 13, 2021 4:16 PM

I'm a certain British rock superstar.

On the eve of Nixon's re-election in 1972, I'm so distraught that I get drunk out of my mind and fuck an unnamed actress at a party while all the guests are within earshot, publicly humiliating my wife. This leads to her hand-picking a mistress for me and kicking me out of the house for a year and a half. Meanwhile, I am targeted for deportation by Tricky Dicky and am forced to pursue a years-long legal battle for U.S. residency.

by Anonymousreply 65November 13, 2021 4:31 PM

R65 JL. Harder quiz, please.

by Anonymousreply 66November 13, 2021 4:35 PM

I wanted to be Bebe Rebozo!

by Anonymousreply 67November 13, 2021 5:18 PM

I'm Elvis, bringing a WWII Colt 45 pistol into the White House and handing it to the President of the United States.

by Anonymousreply 68November 13, 2021 5:19 PM

R65 You ruined your career for that whacked-out "conceptual artist" who was as bad a lay as she was a singer. She broke your band, and she broke your brain.

by Anonymousreply 69November 13, 2021 6:40 PM

R69 And I Love Her.

by Anonymousreply 70November 13, 2021 7:19 PM

I'm Ron Zeigler. Day after day I was publicly humiliated by Nixon.

You probably have seen the video of Nixon shoving me into reports.

by Anonymousreply 71November 13, 2021 7:31 PM

I'm Alexander Haig! I'm in Charge!

by Anonymousreply 72November 13, 2021 8:19 PM

I'm Julie Nixon Eisenhower. I don't know why Grampy and Grammie Eisenhower don't seem to like me.

by Anonymousreply 73November 13, 2021 8:22 PM

R73 Your dad putting me through that humiliating hospital bed appearance at the '68 Convention may have had something to do with it. Thank the Lord I was out of my misery two months after his inauguration.

by Anonymousreply 74November 13, 2021 8:33 PM

Imagine, [R65].

by Anonymousreply 75November 13, 2021 11:43 PM

I'm Gordon Liddy and I stuff a sock into my speedo!

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by Anonymousreply 76November 14, 2021 12:02 AM

I'm Spiro Agnew and I shudder at the mere idea of me becoming President.

by Anonymousreply 77November 14, 2021 5:28 AM

I’m the DEA badge given to Elvis.

I wasn’t even supposed to be ironic.

by Anonymousreply 78November 14, 2021 12:41 PM

I’m betty ford, biding my time with another cocktail

by Anonymousreply 79November 14, 2021 12:54 PM

I'm Sammy Davis, Jr.

And I'm proud to say, Richard Nixon was my friend.

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by Anonymousreply 80November 14, 2021 1:05 PM

I'm nixon working on his new "concerto"

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by Anonymousreply 81November 14, 2021 1:11 PM

I'm cynicism

by Anonymousreply 82November 14, 2021 1:39 PM

I’m Jeb Magruder, CRE(e)P member who served prison time and I’m pretty good looking.

Had the DL been around back then, my fine (if corrupt) cagemeat would have been making momma’s mussy moist!

by Anonymousreply 83November 14, 2021 1:41 PM

I'm the White House bed Dick and Pat never shared.

by Anonymousreply 84November 14, 2021 1:41 PM

I’m David Frost biding my time until I can get the motherload of interviews.

by Anonymousreply 85November 14, 2021 2:11 PM

[quote] the motherload of interviews.

Oh, dear!

by Anonymousreply 86November 14, 2021 2:14 PM

[quote] Oh, dear!

It’s become acceptable.

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by Anonymousreply 87November 14, 2021 2:18 PM

We are the last administration that expanded social programs in the U.S. and created the EPA

by Anonymousreply 88November 14, 2021 2:20 PM

I'm Nixon's repressed homosexuality. His paranoia and viciousness? I did that!

by Anonymousreply 89November 14, 2021 2:23 PM

I'm Haldeman and Ehrlichman watching Nixon get a little hard while he rails about the "Jewboys."

by Anonymousreply 90November 14, 2021 2:28 PM

[quote] It’s become acceptable.

No, it hasn’t. Even in the link you provided, the only entry is “A corruption of mother lode; see also mother load.” When you click on “mother load,” the only entry is “misspelling of mother lode.”

by Anonymousreply 91November 14, 2021 2:36 PM

We are Spiro Agnew's "nattering nabobs of negativism" and "effete corps of impudent snobs."

Our DNA can be found in "fake news," the anti-intellectualism, the mistrust of science, knowledge and empirical evidence, and pandering to the most moronic elements of society by today's Republican Party. The culmination of this is Donald Trump's "The Big Lie," which is believed by more than 2/3 of Republicans.

Hopefully Trump and his allies will end up just like our founder: a convicted felon and ex-con.

by Anonymousreply 92November 14, 2021 2:46 PM

I’m the microphones scattered throughout the Oval Office and on the phones. Since Dick had us installed, you’d think he’d remember not to say certain things in there.

by Anonymousreply 93November 14, 2021 2:50 PM

Hi, I'm Bob Woodward and I can't believe I've managed to milk Watergate for almost 50 years.

Without that break-in, Dick, I'd no doubt be spending my old-age as a security guard right there at the Watergate. Thank you a million, or two!

by Anonymousreply 94November 14, 2021 2:56 PM

I’m Charles “Chuck Colson,” lawyer and the President’s self-appointed “hatchet man.”

Boy, you bitches sure are slipping. Nearly 100 replies and no one has yet referenced my most famous quote? SMH, as the kids say.

“When you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

Years later, I will become a minister. Hey, this is the USA - everybody loves a good reinvention!

by Anonymousreply 95November 14, 2021 3:25 PM

I'm the John Birch Society. Even Nixon thought I was nuts.

by Anonymousreply 96November 14, 2021 3:30 PM

I’m the recurring bead of sweat on RN’s upper lip.

by Anonymousreply 97November 14, 2021 3:39 PM

I'm the Reverend Billy Graham, talking shit about the Negroes, the Hebrews, and the homos with the President in the Oval Office, blissfully unaware that I'm being recorded.

by Anonymousreply 98November 14, 2021 4:37 PM

I am not a crook.

by Anonymousreply 99November 14, 2021 8:52 PM

I'm Nelson Rockefeller. If I were to win the 1964 RNC, none of this bullshit would have ever happened. Funny how Jerry Ford hired me when that shit hit the fan...

by Anonymousreply 100November 14, 2021 8:54 PM

I'm Ronald Reagan.

The first time I shit my pants was in 1969.

No reason.

by Anonymousreply 101November 14, 2021 8:57 PM

I'm Alexander Butterfield and I didn't want to talk about those tapes.

by Anonymousreply 102November 14, 2021 9:34 PM

I’m Air Force One, whose call sign became SAM 27000 mid-air after Ford took the oath.

by Anonymousreply 103November 14, 2021 10:10 PM

I'm Pat, secretly taking self-defense karate lessons in the basement gymnasium that used to be JFK's swimming pool.

by Anonymousreply 104November 15, 2021 2:11 AM

I'm John Dean. This is what 34 looked like in 1973, kiddies.

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by Anonymousreply 105November 15, 2021 2:23 AM

I'm the White House Rose Garden. The only place that didn't stink during the Nixon Administration.

by Anonymousreply 106November 15, 2021 3:09 AM

R105 John Dean was hot. Is he Chastens dad?

by Anonymousreply 107November 15, 2021 3:10 AM

I'm [b]NIXON RESIGNS[/b], the headline the entire country greeted with joy.

by Anonymousreply 108November 15, 2021 3:15 AM

(Not my fault there's no preview or edit here.)

by Anonymousreply 109November 15, 2021 3:17 AM

I'm Pat Nixon. I guzzled more booze than Betty Ford but unlike Betty I was always able to keep my shit together so nobody was the wiser about my alcoholism. Poor Betty was just too sloppy when she drank.

by Anonymousreply 110November 15, 2021 3:55 AM

We are the Chilean people, who suffered under 17 years of the Pinochet dictatorship after Nixon supported the overthrow of our popularly elected president, Salvador Allende.

by Anonymousreply 111November 15, 2021 5:11 AM

I'm Deep Throat, my identity was a secret for decades. (Even though Nixon guessed correctly)

by Anonymousreply 112November 15, 2021 8:09 AM

I’m the “long national nightmare.”

by Anonymousreply 113November 15, 2021 1:16 PM

I'm a big fat wringer. Katie Graham's gonna get her tit caught in me if she publishes that story.

by Anonymousreply 114November 15, 2021 2:12 PM

Love you forever R114!

by Anonymousreply 115November 15, 2021 4:07 PM

I'm Executive Order 11615, Nixon's wage and price freeze of 1971 which was implemented not because it was deemed necessary, but because it was thought that it would help play a substantial role in getting Nixon re-elected. Which, of course, it did.

In the long run, though, especially from an economic standpoint, it was widely considered an utter failure, and only ended up ushering in an era of stagflation, which lasted until the early 80s.

by Anonymousreply 116November 15, 2021 6:38 PM

I'm Oliver Stone. I am obsessed with the Nixon Administration. I will make a pretty good epic about it, but everyone will hate it. Democrats think I am being to sympathetic, while Republicans think I am being too harsh.

Nixon is an operatic King Lear. Watching it with that lens, it is a great film about the 37th president.

by Anonymousreply 117November 15, 2021 7:43 PM

Oh nonsense R116. It actually worked. Stagflation happened to every country in the seventies regardless of what they did.

by Anonymousreply 118November 16, 2021 8:36 AM

Who?

by Anonymousreply 119November 16, 2021 10:00 AM

I'm pudgy frump Judy Agnew.

I speak with a "Baltimorese" accent and serve cocktails out of glass peanut butter jars.

I've got no use for "hippies" or "women's libbers"!

by Anonymousreply 120November 16, 2021 10:01 AM

I'm Spiro and Judy Agnew's gay son James

I leave my wife for a relationship with a man

by Anonymousreply 121November 16, 2021 10:12 AM

I'm Judy (née Elinor Isabel Judefind) Agnew's stubborn weight problem

No matter how many diet plates I eat...

No matter how many Tabs I drink...

I still look like a German peasant

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by Anonymousreply 122November 16, 2021 10:16 AM

I'm Spiro Agnew

wondering why he wasted all that money on Fat Farms and designer clothes for Judy

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by Anonymousreply 123November 16, 2021 10:20 AM

R109, there ARE specific and helpful details, fool.

by Anonymousreply 124November 16, 2021 1:51 PM

I'm Kamala Harris remembering what last happened to an incompetent next in line to the presidency.

by Anonymousreply 125November 16, 2021 1:58 PM

Geez any man would turn gay with Judy Agnew as a mother figure.

by Anonymousreply 126November 16, 2021 8:30 PM

I'm "Whiz Kid" Robert McNamara. I'm proof that the very highly educated aren't necessarily smart, competent, or good leaders. I should have stayed a pencil pusher at Ford. I'm the long legacy of both democrats and republicans fucking over Americans.

by Anonymousreply 127November 16, 2021 8:41 PM

[quote] I'm "Whiz Kid" Robert McNamara.

McNamara was JFK's pick to be Sec'y of Defense, and he was a holdover in the Johnson Administration, leaving only in late February 1968. He was a pallbearer at RFK's funeral months later. He had no association with Nixon.

by Anonymousreply 128November 16, 2021 9:03 PM

Slightly off-topic in this thread, but the moral and ethical vacuum that was Robert McNamara ought not be forgotten.

The New York Times deservedly savaged him in 1995 after he published his memoirs of phoney regrets.

"It is important to remember how fate dispensed rewards and punishment for Mr. McNamara's thousands of days of error. Three million Vietnamese died. Fifty-eight thousand Americans got to come home in body bags. Mr. McNamara, while tormented by his role in the war, got a sinecure at the World Bank and summers at the Vineyard.

"His regret cannot be huge enough to balance the books for our dead soldiers. The ghosts of those unlived lives circle close around Mr. McNamara. Surely he must in every quiet and prosperous moment hear the ceaseless whispers of those poor boys in the infantry, dying in the tall grass, platoon by platoon, for no purpose. What he took from them cannot be repaid by prime-time apology and stale tears, three decades late."

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by Anonymousreply 129November 16, 2021 11:46 PM

I'm John N. Mitchell. I'm a grump. I hate my wife and I hate my job. I just want to smoke my pipe and be left alone.

Dick Nixon was my best friend.

by Anonymousreply 130November 17, 2021 3:42 PM

r130 approved of r114's message.

by Anonymousreply 131November 17, 2021 3:45 PM

I understand Schadenfreude!

- Katherine Graham

by Anonymousreply 132November 17, 2021 3:53 PM

I'm China, gleefully welcoming Nixon and his opening up of trade relations. My hope is that 50 years later, the entire world will be piled high with trillions of useless plastic trinkets manufactured at virtual slave labor conditions in my thousands of factories!

by Anonymousreply 133November 17, 2021 5:12 PM

Love you guys, you never disappoint.

by Anonymousreply 134November 17, 2021 10:36 PM

I'm King Timahoe, the only one who could get away with peeing on Dick's fancy polished shoes.

by Anonymousreply 135November 17, 2021 10:58 PM

I'm John Mitchell; regarding Martha's bruises, rope burns, and "imprisonment" -- hey, we're into the rough stuff, what can I say?

by Anonymousreply 136November 17, 2021 10:59 PM

A boozy, loose-lipped Martha Mitchell. How I hoped she would be a model for Melania.

by Anonymousreply 137November 17, 2021 11:06 PM

R136 You should have seen what they got up to with King Timahoe.

by Anonymousreply 138November 17, 2021 11:09 PM

I'm Tricia Nixon, being touted by Daddy as a suitable dancing partner and hubba-hubba-hubba for visiting Prince Charles (that sterling youth almost certainly in the last years of his awkward, gangly phase (something we're still waiting to see end in 2021), who will be miffed years later when I read that Charles found me shallow and plastic while being disgusted by Daddy's obvious machinations.

I think Anne is a real Ly-dee, although she communicates strictly by huffy snorts and hoof stomps, after which her handlers give her an apple or a carrot or, once, a sugar cube.

by Anonymousreply 139November 18, 2021 1:13 AM

I'm Dick's boyfriend, Bebe Rebozo, secretly holding hands with him under the table at The Four Seasons. He beat Pat, you know. For me.

by Anonymousreply 140November 18, 2021 1:21 AM

WE are the Manson Family, livening things up and keepin it real!!

by Anonymousreply 141November 18, 2021 1:34 AM

I'm Grace Slick, at the White House afternoon party, trying to slip LSD into the teapot.

by Anonymousreply 142November 18, 2021 1:36 AM

I'm J. Edgar Hoover enjoying "lady's night" with Dick and Bebe at the dreary Florida 'White House' in Key Biscayne. One look at that decor and you can understand why Dick HAD to beat Pat.

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by Anonymousreply 143November 18, 2021 1:46 AM

I'm Pearl Bailey, performing "A Good Man is Hard To Find."

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by Anonymousreply 144November 18, 2021 2:16 AM

I'm the diamond-and-platinum Harry Winston earrings Pat received from Dick for her 60th birthday thanks to a little creative patti-cake by Bebe Rebozo with campaign contributions.

by Anonymousreply 145November 18, 2021 7:42 AM

I'm Schubert's Symphony No. 2. I am the score of the administration.

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by Anonymousreply 146November 18, 2021 2:35 PM

I'm dilantin, Nixon swallows dozens of me daily to keep his anxiety in check.

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by Anonymousreply 147November 18, 2021 10:55 PM

I'm Dick's hemorrhoid suppositories that Ron Ziegler thought were candy canes from Gatlinburg.

"Too much mint!" he declared, eating his third one.

by Anonymousreply 148November 19, 2021 1:52 AM

I'm former Texas Governor John Connally. I was the Secretary of the Treasury for two years. Nixon sent my ass back to Houston fast.

by Anonymousreply 149November 23, 2021 10:40 PM

I'm Pat. I turned a blind eye to my impotent husband's homosexual inclinations...I don't think he's mentally ill enough to be a real fairy.

by Anonymousreply 150November 23, 2021 10:50 PM

[quote] I'm former Texas Governor John Connally. I was the Secretary of the Treasury for two years. Nixon sent my ass back to Houston fast.

Nixon, in fact, was in awe of Connally. It was Big Jawn who he wanted to succeed him when his second term was to end in '77. And Nixon would've nominated him to succeed Spiro Agnew, but there was insufficient support in Congress for a Connally nomination.

by Anonymousreply 151November 23, 2021 11:24 PM

I’m Daniel Ellsberg. Nixon went nuts when I leaked the Pentagon Papers to the NYT. He had a group of ‘Plumbers’ formed and ordered them to raid my psychiatrist’s office to get dirt on me. They went on to bug the DNC’s headquarters at the Watergate and the rest is history..

by Anonymousreply 152November 23, 2021 11:35 PM

I'm the Washington Post.

Thanks to Watergate, people who don't actually read me still think I represent the best of American journalism.

by Anonymousreply 153November 24, 2021 3:40 AM

I’m G. Gordon Liddy! One of the above mentioned Plumbers.

I used to do a trick at parties where I’d hold my hand over a flame. “What’s the trick?” awestruck guests would gasp. “The trick,” I’d answer, “is not minding.”

Unlike the other indicted simps who tearfully apologized or became ministers or whatever, I wore my involvement in Watergate like a badge of honor! My license plate even read “H2Ogate!”

by Anonymousreply 154November 24, 2021 4:51 AM

I'm La Casa Pacifica, the so-called "Western White House" in front of the ocean in San Clemente, California, which Nixon owned and frequently retreated to.

by Anonymousreply 155November 24, 2021 5:20 AM

It's Saturday, November 15, 1969, and we are the college students chanting, "Hell No, We Won't Go!" while proudly marching down Pennsylvania Avenue to the Washington Monument past Richard Nixon hunkered down in his White House.

We're making sure he hears our voices.

by Anonymousreply 156November 24, 2021 5:29 AM

I'm the realization that everyone in Watergate got off easy. Law licenses were reinstated, most got multimillion dollar book deals, and everyone involved went on with their lives.

It was nothing but a lawyers scandal. We take care of each other.

by Anonymousreply 157November 24, 2021 3:18 PM

It's Tuesday, June 19, 1973, and I am the last American man to be drafted into military service.

Nixon obviously heard those voices outside his barricaded mansion.

Just a reminder, in case any of the young folk here sometimes wonder why they don't have to fret and stew about getting drafted. It didn't just happen.

by Anonymousreply 158November 24, 2021 3:52 PM

I'm the little black note book the FBI found in the pockets of the burglars containing contact numbers of people directly linked to Nixon's re-election campaign.

by Anonymousreply 159November 24, 2021 11:14 PM

I'm the Enemies List. Fuck Jane Fonda!

by Anonymousreply 160November 25, 2021 3:57 PM

R112 I never did forgive those two for that name which made me sound like a porn star.

by Anonymousreply 161November 25, 2021 4:36 PM

I'm Anthony Hopkins.

On behalf of the entire theatrical profession, I want to thank Richard Nixon for giving us such a twisted psyche to work with.

by Anonymousreply 162November 25, 2021 4:56 PM

I'm Pat's pharmacist.

Tranquilizers and sedatives and diet pills, oh my!

by Anonymousreply 163November 25, 2021 5:04 PM

I'm Jimmy Carter. Even I recognize that without the sleeze and turmoil Nixon brought, I never would have become President.

by Anonymousreply 164November 26, 2021 6:38 AM

I'm Robert Bork, I'm the most undeserving place holder for attorney general, that's why my nomination for the supreme court was soundly rejected.

- the ghost of the Saturday Night Massacre

by Anonymousreply 165November 26, 2021 9:48 AM

R164 Me, too!

by Anonymousreply 166November 26, 2021 9:59 AM

I'm George McGovern, I'm proof that the republicans like leftist democrats and that they use any trick in the book to get them as their opponents.

- Donald Segretti, taking dirty tricks to the next level.

by Anonymousreply 167November 26, 2021 10:02 AM

I'm Blue and Yellow

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 168November 26, 2021 10:04 AM

We're Mudge Rose. With alumni like these, we thought we had it made.

Leonard Garment

Scooter Libby

John Mitchell

Richard Nixon

John Sears

Gordon Strachan

by Anonymousreply 169November 26, 2021 10:24 AM

I'm Barry Goldwater marching a group of Republican leaders to the White House to tell Nixon to resign or else.

People still had principles in those days.

by Anonymousreply 170November 26, 2021 11:17 AM

I'm Carl Bernstein and I never met Deep Throat.

by Anonymousreply 171November 26, 2021 12:14 PM

Since I can't be Bebe Rebozo, I ain't playing.

by Anonymousreply 172November 26, 2021 12:16 PM

I'm Daniel Ellsberg and I hate when people compare Julian Assange to me.

by Anonymousreply 173November 26, 2021 12:23 PM

Daniel Ellsberg was hawt!

by Anonymousreply 174November 26, 2021 2:01 PM

I'm Angela Davis - Nixon hated my guts until his dying day.

by Anonymousreply 175November 26, 2021 2:07 PM

Me, too.

by Anonymousreply 176November 26, 2021 2:19 PM

We're speechwriters for the administration. After penning some of the most garish right-wing propaganda this side of Goebbels, we'll go on to illustrious careers in the late 20th century media.

by Anonymousreply 177November 26, 2021 2:35 PM

I'm the tight, little, round Jewboy ass that Dick pictures and gets hot about every time he goes off about the Jews.

by Anonymousreply 178November 26, 2021 2:38 PM

R167 but you didn’t write the Muskie Letter, amirite?

by Anonymousreply 179November 26, 2021 2:46 PM

I'm Mao Tse-tung.

I could have a man's head chopped off with just a nod of my own.

I could starve an entire country or throw it into years of deadly revolt on a whim.

I was worshipped like a god

And I met Richard Nixon. Oh, the envy that was in his eyes.

by Anonymousreply 180November 26, 2021 3:10 PM

I am the ratfuckers. I am the future of the Republican party!

by Anonymousreply 181November 26, 2021 3:48 PM

I'm a 20 year old working on the 1972 Nixon campaign. I was an expert at dirty tricks even then.

by Anonymousreply 182November 26, 2021 5:25 PM

We’re the Quaker religion. We don’t know whether to extend a hand of friendship and forgiveness or separate our beliefs and shun Richard Nixon.

by Anonymousreply 183November 26, 2021 5:59 PM

I'm the ghost of Richard Nixon. I'm seething in resentment in my grave. I had to resign from being the leader of the free world, all over one little thing. And live out the rest of my life in disgrace. Yet look at all the treasonous shit Trump did, yet he is still at large with no consequences at all.

by Anonymousreply 184November 26, 2021 6:43 PM

R74 what embarrassing appearance at the ‘68 convention are you referring to? I’d really like to know what Nixon did to little Dumbo.

by Anonymousreply 185November 26, 2021 7:31 PM

I'm Alger Hiss, guilty as sin.

by Anonymousreply 186November 26, 2021 7:41 PM

R185 They beamed Ike in from Walter Reed, where he remained until his death the next March. He looked like he was at death's door, as he was.

by Anonymousreply 187November 26, 2021 7:43 PM

Oh, lol. The old fool should have said no.

by Anonymousreply 188November 26, 2021 7:51 PM

Is there anything anywhere named after Nixon the President?

by Anonymousreply 189November 26, 2021 7:54 PM

[quote] Is there anything anywhere named after Nixon the President?

The Richard Nixon Presidential Library & Museum

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 190November 26, 2021 7:57 PM

Built by private funds, R190? Any public building?

The Dick Nixon Memorial Rest Stop in New Jersey, perhaps.

by Anonymousreply 191November 26, 2021 8:01 PM

R188 My memory may have faded a bit, but I seem to recall quick cuts between Eisenhower speaking from the hospital and Pat O'Brien urging the team to "Win One for the Gipper" in Millhouse, Emile de Antonio's 1971 satire.

by Anonymousreply 192November 26, 2021 8:02 PM

R191 Apart from the obvious like his library. Anything?

Even Hoover has his dam. And that damn FBI building for the odious other Hoover.

by Anonymousreply 193November 26, 2021 8:05 PM

[quote] Any public building?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 194November 26, 2021 8:05 PM

Two schools, though both named for him while he was President before Watergate.

by Anonymousreply 195November 26, 2021 8:10 PM

R192 It's much worse than I remembered. In his convention speech Nixon actually said, "Let's Win This One for Ike," giving de Antonio his opening. (The line wasn't O'Brien's in the movie, though.)

by Anonymousreply 196November 26, 2021 8:23 PM

Alger at r186, you’re quite a bit early for the Nixon administration.

He prosecuted your lyin’ ass long before then.

by Anonymousreply 197November 26, 2021 8:42 PM

I got into his head, R197.

I was the pointy headed Harvard guys and the pinko New York Times writers who were out to get him. (Even the sports section!)

by Anonymousreply 198November 26, 2021 9:23 PM

I'm Peoria where it should play.

by Anonymousreply 199November 26, 2021 9:31 PM

I'm the threat the Watergate committee prosecutor made to Dean that if he didn't sing he'd be sent to the DC prison where the inmates would make use of his blond twink ass.

by Anonymousreply 200November 26, 2021 9:35 PM

I'm VP Spiro T. Agnew, and I don't want to hear any nattering nabobs of negativism!

by Anonymousreply 201November 26, 2021 9:37 PM

[quote]Is there anything anywhere named after Nixon the President?

The Duke University Law School eventually had to take Nixon's portrait down, because it was stolen so often.

by Anonymousreply 202November 26, 2021 9:42 PM

I'm Tricia Nixon's White House Wedding

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 203November 26, 2021 9:43 PM

Nolo contendere, R201, nolo contendere.

by Anonymousreply 204November 26, 2021 9:44 PM

I'm Spiro Agnew, and if indicted, I will not resign.

by Anonymousreply 205November 26, 2021 9:48 PM

Following up on R203, I'm the future ex-daughter-in-law of that happy union.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 206November 27, 2021 1:48 AM

Such big tits on her....

Still they couldn't make their love last

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 207November 27, 2021 2:13 AM

I'm Tricia Nixon, the pretty one, not the anorexic one.

by Anonymousreply 208November 27, 2021 6:27 PM

We're Betsy and Arlene, and that asshole Haldeman called us yams!

by Anonymousreply 209November 27, 2021 6:34 PM
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