Let's be LinkedIn

What a moron…..link???

We found jobs at GARBAGE DUMP, THE WHITE HOUSE, and LOCAL ZOO that you may be interested in.

“Thank you to the wonderful colleagues and mentors who have touched my career along the way and left me with so many memorable experiences.”

John Smith college student and unpaid intern

I'm the 40+yo white collar professional who feels that I should include my HS activities, because you need to know I was class president and captain of the basketball team over 20 years ago.

R4 is my 80 year old father’s LinkedIn 😂

I am humbled and honoured to have accepted a staff auditor position at Deloitte/EY/PwC etc.

These inspirational LinkedIn stories have gotten out of hand. Last week a woman in her 40s posted that she thought it was impossible when she was growing up for a woman to be a professional economist. A professional economist? She’s our generation’s Jackie Robinson.

Is she fucking serious, R7? I'm in my 40s and the more impossible thing would've been if she ended up a housewife.

Yes. And she wasn’t t from Saudi Arabia or some place like that.

I avoid all social media like the plague, but you can’t avoid LinkedIn if you want to change jobs. When I last changed jobs LinkedIn seemed to be limited to posting job openings or reporting changes in people’s employment status. Now, in addition to the triumph over adversity stories, people are reposting their favourite inspirational sayings, pics of their company’s team building event, or updates on grandpa’s battle with cancer. It’s really Facebook now, with a slight professional tinge.

Another fucking frau on here. You post a stupid ass Linkedin profile job titles as something like "Actively exploring my passions."

R9, you're absolutely right. It has turned into like a dumb, IG stories situation. Very frauish nonsense.

I'm the recommendations that show how thoughtless I am. And how much I depend on the word "amazing."

I'm the connection request from Marigona Z. in North Macedonia. I know you, yays?

I'm the extremely attractive 20 something woman who DM's all the CEO's she knows are single. She will never ever have a job.

I hadn’t thought of that. Has anyone used LinkedIn to hook up or marry?

R15 I know one girl that actively does. She is drop dead gorgeous and messages older wealthy men. She's an "independent interior designer."

I wonder if people’s think being a highly active, but inane, poster in LinkedIn is a plus in getting a job or is it just narcissism? Considering the nature of most HR departments I suppose it might be a plus.

Does anyone really USE LinkedIn? Isn't it kind of a joke

I'm the phantom hand on cropped profile pics.

r18, I do really-really use the shit out of LinkedIn. Less noise. More legit. And fuck Facebook

R18 You can't even find your own posts for some self deprecating humor.

We're the news telling you about so many fellow professionals who've viewed your posts without telling you who are the fellow professionals viewing your posts.

I'm the email sent to a guy you hooked up with two years ago who can't figure out why the fuck you're bothering him with this chummy we're all professional adults now bullshit.

I'm "Bitch, it's PRIDE month, and PWC is celebrating ALL the colors of the rainbow!"

I'm the private message from a recruiter. I have a job that you are HIGHLY unqualified for but I am desperate to fill this position.

I’m the stalker who creates a fake account to find out where the former co workers I hated are working.

I’m the picture of an urn in an office posted by a dad who is a VP at a company but wants to let us know his daughter is dead from opioid abuse

I’m the significantly reduced number of companies with rainbow-themed corporate logos for pride

Agree?

I’m everyone patting themselves on their backs for bumping posts about people who lost jobs

I’m the real estate agents (“brokers”) and office worker females who deluged the site back in the mid aughts and it’s never been the same since.

I’m the young African American woman who seems to have no formal education, whose last job was “technical associate at Verizon” but is noted to be founder, CEO AND President of her own multinational company “Excellence In Life Consulting Services”. My profile goes on and on about excellence in business and achieving your goals and all the things my company and “our people” can do for you, but I am void of any typical corporate jargon and completely nonsensical.