That's very interesting R8 - and let's be honest we can only speak from our experiences not on behalf of others.
I always knew I was attracted to men, before I could articulate what that even meant. I was not sporty, I was "bookish" - I was quiet and more interested in expanding my intelligence than being an alpha male on the sports field, or anywhere else for that matter.
But I never, ever, ever thought this made me feminine or effeminate, nor am I someone who would ever describe myself as straight acting. I have no desire to pass for straight, nor do I have any desire to put on a dress and "explore my feminine side" whatever that means. I do believe gender is a social construct - there nothing intrinsically male about trousers, or the colour blue or not wearing make up - they are values society has decided to place on things.
If men want to put on dresses and wear make up and play up to what society has decided is feminine - I couldn't care less. Each to their own. I don't understand it but it's not harming me.
If men feel they are, to use the old phrase "trapped in a male body" but actually feel they are female, and want to have surgery to make them feel more feminine again each to their own. It's not something I can begin to understand because that is not my experience. But all power to them. They want to be called by female names? Fine, I don't care. They want to be referred to as female? Again fine - I don't care. It makes no difference to me. And such people should not be discriminated against because of how they want to live their lives.
But if these men want to declare themselves to be women, that they are the same biologically as actual women, that they can access spaces where women don't want to be around men (such as crisis centres, and sports) and that everyone must agree to this or be regarded as transphobic... then that makes me very, very uneasy. Again, I don't have any horse in this race - the issue does not really affect me personally. What does affect me is this warping of biology, of science, of facts.
Life dealt trans people this shitty hand, I certainly wouldn't want to feel so unhappy with myself or have anyone go through what they say they go through. It sounds hellish. They can want to be seen and treated as the opposite sex but they never, ever, ever will ACTUALLY be the opposite sex. That's something trans people just have to suck up.