Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

I'm depressed

I know what I need to do. get moving, get outside, eat less sugar, get out of bed. But I am so exhausted and so sick of working just to make money so that I won't die in a gutter when I am old. I even like my work and have a good life and a good relationship and KNOW it's all bullshit but I still feel so lifeless.

I am nowhere near where I have been in the past where I was suicidal for months on end and unable to get out of bed but I just feel frozen and exhausted. I have everything anyone could ask for in life but still my brain tells me none of it matters.

by Anonymousreply 43Last Monday at 5:03 PM

OP, it sounds like you need some professional help. Please get yourself to a counselor/therapist or psychologist. Nothing to be ashamed of. The world changes so much and sometimes it's overwhelming. Maybe you need to take some time off to take care of yourself and re-evaluate what you want.

by Anonymousreply 106/09/2021

^^^This

by Anonymousreply 206/09/2021

You need a good anti depressant/anxiety. Start with an SSRI. So many of these things are crappy brain and body chemistry. Stop torturing yourself needlessly.

by Anonymousreply 306/09/2021

I hear you OP. I'm facing the same, but trying to stay positive. Hang in there!

by Anonymousreply 406/09/2021

I have a therapist and am well-medicated. This has been going on my entire life and it is cyclical. I mainly just needed to write about it so I don't feel so alone.

I am prying myself out of bed where I am half-heartedly WFH and going to go outside for a bit. I know staying in bed makes it worse but sometimes I just feel like I can't even move.

by Anonymousreply 506/09/2021

I feel the same. After a year of being a first-rank essential healthcare worker I broke my leg and am stuck at home.

How much of the exhaustion and lethargy is a natural post-trauma-and-surgery process, how much is due to the physical effects of massive work-related stress, how much is depression?

by Anonymousreply 606/09/2021

Your comment about dying in the gutter when you’re old stings. I worry a lot about my security over the long term and can’t be rational about it. I have a lot, but still feel so uncertain and hopeless about the future, too. Sorry to commiserate.

by Anonymousreply 706/09/2021

Is your name Yashar Ali?

by Anonymousreply 806/09/2021

OP/R5 Good plan. Go outside, get fresh air and sun on your skin and report back.

by Anonymousreply 906/09/2021

What you are missing is purpose. Your purpose. Not the purpose you've been told to care about by authority figures (like parents, for example). Nothing in life excites you, because it's not your life you are living, it's a life you - once upon a time - believed is the right one, because someone told you so.

As other posters mention, seek professional help to prevent the imminent arrival of suicidal thoughts and the perception of these thoughts to be valid.

With proper help and medication, try to meditate and look for answers within. Where do you think you can find purpose or personal growth that excites you, that interests you?

Most people consider self discovery or going on an inner journey a woo-woo New Age nonsense, but I believe most of our problems are based on us rather looking for answers and guidance outside ourselves instead of finding answers within. Most of us were raised to believe that others know what's best, and that we should listen to authority figures instead of our inner voice, our gut, our instinct. And then most people hit a wall where all of a sudden nothing really matters and life feels meaningless.

by Anonymousreply 1006/09/2021

You might just need some coffee.

by Anonymousreply 1106/09/2021

Invest in crypto and meme stocks, then re-invest until you have a few mill (highly possible now). If you have some type of talent leverage it. Chop chop, time is flying back and you're not getting any younger.

by Anonymousreply 1206/09/2021

^ *time is flying by

by Anonymousreply 1306/09/2021

Take every dime you have and go live in a Guatemalan slum for a few weeks until that money runs out feeding your hungry neighbor children. Then come home and start over with some perspective.

by Anonymousreply 1406/09/2021

Thanks, R9. I went outside and sat for awhile (it is sunny and windy) with my feet on the ground and then did a little gardening. It helped.

by Anonymousreply 1506/09/2021

R15 - the last year has left me in the same bad shape. I am doping ok financially so I should as R14 put it, have some perspective. But 12 months, 12 hour days of work, 6 days a week, gaining 30 lbs, a toxic work environment and just isolation and worries for my sick and elderly folks back home has kind of left me in a shape where some days I don't want to leave the bed. I can and will travel and I know I am lucky but man, the mind does so much ruminating alone. Each day is a thing to force myself to be what I was pre-pandmeic. I was secure, good looking, successful and I kind of feel like I can be about 70% of that again, but I feel aged and totally understand OP.

by Anonymousreply 1606/10/2021

[quote]What you are missing is purpose. Your purpose.

R10 nails it. We get you're a wage slave. So are billions of others. But find something that inspires you, and every day, cut yourself a few hours of time to devote to it, so you're living "your life" -- not that of your employer.

Secondly, start counting what blessings you have, however meagre. Someone told me this week they have colin cancer. You don't have that. You're merely in a mood. Be grateful if you have good health. There's a start.

And lastly, get a plan on stopping being a wage slave. That's part of the reason you feel trapped. If you have a rock-solid investment plan, every week you're a little closer to escape.

Been there, done that. Now I lie in bed in the morning, enjoying the sound of slaves going to work. And then I roll over and snooze some more. You can be me. And sooner than you think.

by Anonymousreply 1706/10/2021

OP/R15 See, you knew what would lift your mood. My ex-BF would drag me to the door when I was feeling depressed and say, "C'mon, let's get some sun on you." I miss that fucker.

by Anonymousreply 1806/10/2021

I think people are so cut-off from Nature it is killing them. They live in these sterile condos and teeming cities.

Try to get out to a park or countryside and watch wildlife. It's so revitalizing.

I'm lucky to have a backyard and I grow things and watch the birds, insects and small animals frolic. It makes me happy.

by Anonymousreply 1906/10/2021

Take some B12 and vitamin D3. It might help.

by Anonymousreply 2006/10/2021

[quote] I have a therapist and am well-medicated.

Clearly not if you're feeling like this. Go see your doctor and see about adjusting your meds. Antidepressants are often difficult to find the exact drug and dosage that will work with your particular body chemistry.

by Anonymousreply 2106/10/2021

You need boys and drugs, I guarantee it will perk you up.

by Anonymousreply 2206/10/2021

[quote] I have everything anyone could ask for in life

delusional

by Anonymousreply 2306/11/2021

Sound like laughing gas is the new elixir. Try it.

by Anonymousreply 2406/11/2021

Yes, contact with nature is an anti-depressant, and it's the only thing that got me through last year without having a total breakdown.

by Anonymousreply 2506/11/2021

I hear you OP. It’s so good to be able to act when you get one of those chinks in the gloom, and do something constructive, as you have done.

I think it’s a question of keeping doing this isn’t it, and eventually the wheel will turn once more and you will begin to move through that frozen swamp again.

I am in a good place currently but never take this for granted. When I first emerged, I literally wondered what the light, confident feeling was. It had been so long since I’d experienced happiness I had forgotten what it felt like.

I do know though, from bitter experience that life events, or some random molehill ( you see the mountains in the distance and take another route) can trip me up and send me spiralling down again.

Courage, mon brave. You’re not alone.

by Anonymousreply 2606/11/2021

Keeping going, not doing. Sorry.

by Anonymousreply 2706/11/2021

Just get un-depressed, it's not that hard. Think positive, and block out all the negative.

by Anonymousreply 2806/11/2021

Do you have a buddy you can walk with, OP? Just forcing yourself to meet up with a friend to walk everyday for a bit can help with your mood.

by Anonymousreply 2906/11/2021
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 3006/11/2021

There's something called dysthymia, which is a long-lasting, low-grade depression.

Sometimes, feeling like you need a "purpose" makes you feel more depressed.

Sometimes life really is: chop wood, carry water. (I.e., it's mundane and maybe there are some small joys in the the everyday, mundane things.)

by Anonymousreply 3106/11/2021

Well, that's the thing, much of life really is chop wood, carry water, sow field, pick apples, and all you can do is enjoy the apple pie at the end of the day.

So many people these days think that they should be happy every moment of every day or there's something wrong with them or their lives, when it's an absolute fact that everyone has to deal with stress, drudgery, and unhappiness. Even if they pretend they don't on Facebook.

by Anonymousreply 3206/11/2021

OP, please see a gynecologist.

by Anonymousreply 3306/11/2021

[quote] So many people these days think that they should be happy every moment of every day or there's something wrong with them or their lives, when it's an absolute fact that everyone has to deal with stress, drudgery, and unhappiness. Even if they pretend they don't on Facebook.

I know you mean well, r32, but minimizing actual depression like this isn't helpful. It's much more than not "feeling happy every moment of every day" or dealing with stress, drudgery, and unhappiness.

by Anonymousreply 3406/11/2021

R33 - I am not the OP but actually did see one. No joke. I went with my roommate to her appointment because the medical facility is located above a plaza with a cool farmer's market. Finally, when I was done browsing around I figured I'd go and ask about the price of a COVID test and if they issue it in English. Well, out she comes and a short lady with a tight bun passes by in a doctor's coat and says (from what I could understand) "don't forget, endocrinologist for more tests and nutritionist". Says she told her how we both got beer bellies during the lockdown and how it won't come off and since her hormones are ok...the gynecologist referred her (and that goes for me too) to a nutritionist and endocrinologist. Since my late partner was a renowned OBGYN, I figured he must be laughing in heaven at me going to Europe to travel and ending up chastised for my diet and referred to other doctors by a stern Romanian gynecologist.

by Anonymousreply 35Last Saturday at 3:36 AM

OP I am also super depressed some days. I treat it with Prozac and, since COVID and a move abroad, booze. I gained weight, feel isolated and some days will not leave the bed all day. Too tired and down. I am struggling to find clothes and get myself together, my colitis is acting up so please, know that some days will always be hard if you suffer from depression.

by Anonymousreply 36Last Monday at 2:56 AM

How are you feeling now OP? Hopefully its better.

by Anonymousreply 37Last Monday at 3:02 AM

If your colitis is acting up, I hope you leave the bed at least occasionally r36!

Here's something very gay for everyone having a bad day today:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 38Last Monday at 3:06 AM

R38 - I HAVE to leave it when I have to go. It just seems like I can't recognize my pre-pandemic self anymore. Nothing that bad happened to me during the pandemic and I was lucky, but my mental and physical condition went to hell and I fell off the wagon. I really need to get my shitty ass (pun intended) out of bed, help my roommate clean and plan our trip to Paris and feel like a zombie.

by Anonymousreply 39Last Monday at 3:13 AM

[quote] I really need to get my shitty ass (pun intended) out of bed, help my roommate clean and plan our trip to Paris and feel like a zombie.

OMG, no offense, but the thought of taking a trip to Paris with you sounds positively ghastly. Hope you feel better, r39. Talk to your shrink about adjusting your meds if they're not working.

by Anonymousreply 40Last Monday at 7:12 AM

R40 - I am not ghastly and I usually have lots of humor and energy which is why this is so out of the normal. My shrink essentially said a lot of his patients are like this after extended periods of working at home. He added Vitamin D3 after blood tests revealed I was lacking and B vitamin shots. He also told me to get back to the gym and cut the booze. My roommate won't go alone because last time she went alone around Sacre-Cour, she got harassed by a bunch of Moroccans who started following her and freaked out. Of course, they whistle and make gestures at lots of Western women and it's not likely that it will turn into God-knows-what but it's normal to be cautious.

by Anonymousreply 41Last Monday at 7:17 AM

I didn't say YOU were ghastly. I said the thought of taking a trip to Paris with you in your current state sounds ghastly. I hope the vitamins work for you. Depression sucks.

by Anonymousreply 42Last Monday at 7:25 AM

what R1 said (surprisingly, a non-cunty, R1)

OP, I've felt very similar and it's good that you know what you need to do; I've found by taking little steps just doing one thing like cut back on sugar and go for a walk...they start to add and I've started to feel better.

I. Need. Help.

by Anonymousreply 43Last Monday at 5:03 PM
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.

×

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!