I'm depressed

OP, it sounds like you need some professional help. Please get yourself to a counselor/therapist or psychologist. Nothing to be ashamed of. The world changes so much and sometimes it's overwhelming. Maybe you need to take some time off to take care of yourself and re-evaluate what you want.

^^^This

You need a good anti depressant/anxiety. Start with an SSRI. So many of these things are crappy brain and body chemistry. Stop torturing yourself needlessly.

I hear you OP. I'm facing the same, but trying to stay positive. Hang in there!

I have a therapist and am well-medicated. This has been going on my entire life and it is cyclical. I mainly just needed to write about it so I don't feel so alone.

I am prying myself out of bed where I am half-heartedly WFH and going to go outside for a bit. I know staying in bed makes it worse but sometimes I just feel like I can't even move.

I feel the same. After a year of being a first-rank essential healthcare worker I broke my leg and am stuck at home.

How much of the exhaustion and lethargy is a natural post-trauma-and-surgery process, how much is due to the physical effects of massive work-related stress, how much is depression?

Your comment about dying in the gutter when you’re old stings. I worry a lot about my security over the long term and can’t be rational about it. I have a lot, but still feel so uncertain and hopeless about the future, too. Sorry to commiserate.

Is your name Yashar Ali?

OP/R5 Good plan. Go outside, get fresh air and sun on your skin and report back.

What you are missing is purpose. Your purpose. Not the purpose you've been told to care about by authority figures (like parents, for example). Nothing in life excites you, because it's not your life you are living, it's a life you - once upon a time - believed is the right one, because someone told you so.

As other posters mention, seek professional help to prevent the imminent arrival of suicidal thoughts and the perception of these thoughts to be valid.

With proper help and medication, try to meditate and look for answers within. Where do you think you can find purpose or personal growth that excites you, that interests you?

Most people consider self discovery or going on an inner journey a woo-woo New Age nonsense, but I believe most of our problems are based on us rather looking for answers and guidance outside ourselves instead of finding answers within. Most of us were raised to believe that others know what's best, and that we should listen to authority figures instead of our inner voice, our gut, our instinct. And then most people hit a wall where all of a sudden nothing really matters and life feels meaningless.

You might just need some coffee.

Invest in crypto and meme stocks, then re-invest until you have a few mill (highly possible now). If you have some type of talent leverage it. Chop chop, time is flying back and you're not getting any younger.

^ *time is flying by

Take every dime you have and go live in a Guatemalan slum for a few weeks until that money runs out feeding your hungry neighbor children. Then come home and start over with some perspective.

Thanks, R9. I went outside and sat for awhile (it is sunny and windy) with my feet on the ground and then did a little gardening. It helped.

R15 - the last year has left me in the same bad shape. I am doping ok financially so I should as R14 put it, have some perspective. But 12 months, 12 hour days of work, 6 days a week, gaining 30 lbs, a toxic work environment and just isolation and worries for my sick and elderly folks back home has kind of left me in a shape where some days I don't want to leave the bed. I can and will travel and I know I am lucky but man, the mind does so much ruminating alone. Each day is a thing to force myself to be what I was pre-pandmeic. I was secure, good looking, successful and I kind of feel like I can be about 70% of that again, but I feel aged and totally understand OP.

[quote]What you are missing is purpose. Your purpose.

R10 nails it. We get you're a wage slave. So are billions of others. But find something that inspires you, and every day, cut yourself a few hours of time to devote to it, so you're living "your life" -- not that of your employer.

Secondly, start counting what blessings you have, however meagre. Someone told me this week they have colin cancer. You don't have that. You're merely in a mood. Be grateful if you have good health. There's a start.

And lastly, get a plan on stopping being a wage slave. That's part of the reason you feel trapped. If you have a rock-solid investment plan, every week you're a little closer to escape.

Been there, done that. Now I lie in bed in the morning, enjoying the sound of slaves going to work. And then I roll over and snooze some more. You can be me. And sooner than you think.

OP/R15 See, you knew what would lift your mood. My ex-BF would drag me to the door when I was feeling depressed and say, "C'mon, let's get some sun on you." I miss that fucker.

I think people are so cut-off from Nature it is killing them. They live in these sterile condos and teeming cities.

Try to get out to a park or countryside and watch wildlife. It's so revitalizing.

I'm lucky to have a backyard and I grow things and watch the birds, insects and small animals frolic. It makes me happy.

Take some B12 and vitamin D3. It might help.

[quote] I have a therapist and am well-medicated.

Clearly not if you're feeling like this. Go see your doctor and see about adjusting your meds. Antidepressants are often difficult to find the exact drug and dosage that will work with your particular body chemistry.

You need boys and drugs, I guarantee it will perk you up.

[quote] I have everything anyone could ask for in life

delusional

Sound like laughing gas is the new elixir. Try it.

Yes, contact with nature is an anti-depressant, and it's the only thing that got me through last year without having a total breakdown.

I hear you OP. It’s so good to be able to act when you get one of those chinks in the gloom, and do something constructive, as you have done.

I think it’s a question of keeping doing this isn’t it, and eventually the wheel will turn once more and you will begin to move through that frozen swamp again.

I am in a good place currently but never take this for granted. When I first emerged, I literally wondered what the light, confident feeling was. It had been so long since I’d experienced happiness I had forgotten what it felt like.

I do know though, from bitter experience that life events, or some random molehill ( you see the mountains in the distance and take another route) can trip me up and send me spiralling down again.

Courage, mon brave. You’re not alone.

Keeping going, not doing. Sorry.

Just get un-depressed, it's not that hard. Think positive, and block out all the negative.

Do you have a buddy you can walk with, OP? Just forcing yourself to meet up with a friend to walk everyday for a bit can help with your mood.

There's something called dysthymia, which is a long-lasting, low-grade depression.

Sometimes, feeling like you need a "purpose" makes you feel more depressed.

Sometimes life really is: chop wood, carry water. (I.e., it's mundane and maybe there are some small joys in the the everyday, mundane things.)

Well, that's the thing, much of life really is chop wood, carry water, sow field, pick apples, and all you can do is enjoy the apple pie at the end of the day.

So many people these days think that they should be happy every moment of every day or there's something wrong with them or their lives, when it's an absolute fact that everyone has to deal with stress, drudgery, and unhappiness. Even if they pretend they don't on Facebook.

OP, please see a gynecologist.

[quote] So many people these days think that they should be happy every moment of every day or there's something wrong with them or their lives, when it's an absolute fact that everyone has to deal with stress, drudgery, and unhappiness. Even if they pretend they don't on Facebook.

I know you mean well, r32, but minimizing actual depression like this isn't helpful. It's much more than not "feeling happy every moment of every day" or dealing with stress, drudgery, and unhappiness.

R33 - I am not the OP but actually did see one. No joke. I went with my roommate to her appointment because the medical facility is located above a plaza with a cool farmer's market. Finally, when I was done browsing around I figured I'd go and ask about the price of a COVID test and if they issue it in English. Well, out she comes and a short lady with a tight bun passes by in a doctor's coat and says (from what I could understand) "don't forget, endocrinologist for more tests and nutritionist". Says she told her how we both got beer bellies during the lockdown and how it won't come off and since her hormones are ok...the gynecologist referred her (and that goes for me too) to a nutritionist and endocrinologist. Since my late partner was a renowned OBGYN, I figured he must be laughing in heaven at me going to Europe to travel and ending up chastised for my diet and referred to other doctors by a stern Romanian gynecologist.

OP I am also super depressed some days. I treat it with Prozac and, since COVID and a move abroad, booze. I gained weight, feel isolated and some days will not leave the bed all day. Too tired and down. I am struggling to find clothes and get myself together, my colitis is acting up so please, know that some days will always be hard if you suffer from depression.

How are you feeling now OP? Hopefully its better.

If your colitis is acting up, I hope you leave the bed at least occasionally r36!

Here's something very gay for everyone having a bad day today:

R38 - I HAVE to leave it when I have to go. It just seems like I can't recognize my pre-pandemic self anymore. Nothing that bad happened to me during the pandemic and I was lucky, but my mental and physical condition went to hell and I fell off the wagon. I really need to get my shitty ass (pun intended) out of bed, help my roommate clean and plan our trip to Paris and feel like a zombie.

[quote] I really need to get my shitty ass (pun intended) out of bed, help my roommate clean and plan our trip to Paris and feel like a zombie.

OMG, no offense, but the thought of taking a trip to Paris with you sounds positively ghastly. Hope you feel better, r39. Talk to your shrink about adjusting your meds if they're not working.

R40 - I am not ghastly and I usually have lots of humor and energy which is why this is so out of the normal. My shrink essentially said a lot of his patients are like this after extended periods of working at home. He added Vitamin D3 after blood tests revealed I was lacking and B vitamin shots. He also told me to get back to the gym and cut the booze. My roommate won't go alone because last time she went alone around Sacre-Cour, she got harassed by a bunch of Moroccans who started following her and freaked out. Of course, they whistle and make gestures at lots of Western women and it's not likely that it will turn into God-knows-what but it's normal to be cautious.

I didn't say YOU were ghastly. I said the thought of taking a trip to Paris with you in your current state sounds ghastly. I hope the vitamins work for you. Depression sucks.

what R1 said (surprisingly, a non-cunty, R1)

OP, I've felt very similar and it's good that you know what you need to do; I've found by taking little steps just doing one thing like cut back on sugar and go for a walk...they start to add and I've started to feel better.

I. Need. Help.