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Have you given up on people?

I think I finally have. I haven’t had a serious relationship in 6 years. All my friends are huge disappointments and don’t appear to give a shit whether they ever hear from me again. I think I’m finally done trying.

by Anonymousreply 60Last Thursday at 3:31 PM

My husband and my cat are m everything. My parents and my siblings, I love them, I just can’t stand them. As for friends, thrones I have in my life I don’t feel connected to. Life is complicated and I am at a point where I am being more selective about who I have around me.

by Anonymousreply 1Last Wednesday at 1:53 PM

YES. All 7.9 billion of them.

by Anonymousreply 2Last Wednesday at 1:54 PM

Life is what you make of it....if it isn't working for you, make some thoughtful changes. Everyday is a gift that we should truly be thankful for!

by Anonymousreply 3Last Wednesday at 1:54 PM

What we should be truly thankful for is that we don't have to ever meet R3.

by Anonymousreply 4Last Wednesday at 1:59 PM

I'm over my partner. He's a dick. Emotionally abusive. I think he wants to break up but doesn't have the guts to do it.

by Anonymousreply 5Last Wednesday at 2:02 PM

What a miserable bunch of sad motherfuckers we have on DL, happy that Covid has played to their misanthropy, agoraphobia, the inner instincts to scold and toward deep embitterment.

It kills the otherwise jolly mood.

by Anonymousreply 6Last Wednesday at 2:04 PM

R4, that is unfortunate. I still hope your life gets better and you can find happiness.

by Anonymousreply 7Last Wednesday at 2:04 PM

ALL your friends have peaced out, OP? Damn. WTF happened?

by Anonymousreply 8Last Wednesday at 2:16 PM

I find the older I get, the smaller my circle of support becomes. Covid accelerated this, but I am ok with it. Work is also sucking the life right out of me.

by Anonymousreply 9Last Wednesday at 2:27 PM

In retirement I have recently realized just how few people I am in contact with. The biggest reason is I have changed countries many times over the years. Another is I may just be hard to get along with. Who knows? Anyway, there are still hook ups and then there is Piratebay.

by Anonymousreply 10Last Wednesday at 2:31 PM

[quote] ALL your friends have peaced out, OP?

I wouldn’t put it that way, exactly. If I text them, most of them will respond in a timely manner. But if I didn’t initiate contact, I’d probably never hear from most of them again. The only one who I know appreciates me is moving 1,000 miles away, which depresses me beyond belief.

by Anonymousreply 11Last Wednesday at 5:41 PM

I should be miserable but i'm not, most of my besties live overseas...BUT we are in contact everyday 'cos that's what friends do. You've got to put yourself out there...lazy bunch of bums if you don't!!

by Anonymousreply 12Last Wednesday at 5:47 PM

R4 You should call him right now and end it. You don't want the sting of being dumped by someone you didn't even like.

by Anonymousreply 13Last Wednesday at 5:58 PM

Perhaps you're just an asshole? Or maybe not, people are nasty nowadays, it's just me and my eldergay and one friend from high school, I have banished almost everyone else for being toxic cunts. I feel justified because no one else liked them either, they were always opening their mouths and causing trouble with everybody. They could die for all I care, it's a nasty world.

by Anonymousreply 14Last Wednesday at 10:37 PM

People are hooking up with retirees? Really? Or do we mean men that we rent?

by Anonymousreply 15Last Wednesday at 11:20 PM

Yes, my very selfish brother, 26 years ago. only cared about himself and what he could get from others.

i have never given up on others who i had a disagreement with. only those that were abusive. people do make mistakes sometimes in the heat of the moment. but some things you will never let go of.

by Anonymousreply 16Last Wednesday at 11:23 PM

[quote]I'm over my partner. He's a dick. Emotionally abusive. I think he wants to break up but doesn't have the guts to do it.

And apparently you don’t have the guts either if you’re still with him even though you’re over him.

by Anonymousreply 17Last Wednesday at 11:39 PM

OP, there must be something in the air because the past few days I’ve had this peaceful feeling of not giving a fuck about most people anymore. I’ve always been the type to give and give and put effort into a friendship or relationship only to always get fucked over and I’m just done. I’m not lonely or sad anymore, just emotionless right now. And that’s better than being upset or depressed because of dealing with assholes.

by Anonymousreply 18Last Wednesday at 11:42 PM

I feel the same way OP.

by Anonymousreply 19Last Wednesday at 11:45 PM

I haven’t given up, but lately I’m noticing I attract people who talk nonstop. They deliver longwinded lectures and soliloquys, no detail spared, while I just listen, bored to tears. It’s happened three times this week. They’re not looking for conversation, just an audience.

by Anonymousreply 20Last Thursday at 12:41 AM

R11 I get that, too. Lately I’ve stopped being the text initiator. No one seems to care.

by Anonymousreply 21Last Thursday at 12:46 AM

yes, OP i have given up too. I'm sure there are cool people out there, but i have yet to meet them. People seem so wrapped up in themselves today. I have one friend that is pretty much homebound and we text and check in with each other. We used to get together but we got old.

by Anonymousreply 22Last Thursday at 12:57 AM

People like others who can provide constant excitement. That's why when we are either younger, attractive, have interesting life, money, lots of time or energy for non-essential things, we can easily find and maintain friendships. The older we get, the narrower our focus tends to be, whether just a partner, children, nuclear family or other small immediate circles living nearby.

by Anonymousreply 23Last Thursday at 1:13 AM

What's the saying? You win some, you lose some.

I know this might make me sound like a jackass, but sometimes it pays off to go through thick and thin with someone and other times it doesn't.

IMO in regular intervals one should ask oneself "Does this (material good / habit / relationship) hold me back to go after something I want (more)?" Usually the answer is "yes", but most of us have not the courage to let go, because - when it comes to relationships - that would be selfish. So we rather resent our current state and get passive-aggressive and more and more frustrated until a condition (a fight over basically nothing) finally frees up from our burden.

by Anonymousreply 24Last Thursday at 1:16 AM

[quote]Lately I’ve stopped being the text initiator. No one seems to care.

That's the way. Test all of your friends until you have none: Yea! You won! But remind me, what was the prize again? Oh, thats right, having no friends.

Your friends were always like that. Everyone's friends were always like that. There were one or two instigators and everyone else depended upon them.

You were probably born into a family that was the same: one or two of them always playing the role of trying to bring the family together, trying to arrange a new, interesting thing to do for dad on his birthday, that everyone will like. The sister who is only happy if its her idea and she organizes all, the mother who you might find shaking her head at the overplanning but grateful for the thought.

Every thread like this has the same handful of guys who complain that they are tired of being the initiator? After how many years or decades? You're not tired of being the initiator because that pattern is well established; you're just fucking tired and grumpy.

Either your friends are happy to hear from you or not. You should be able to tell in their voice and in their receptiveness to your idea to get together or to chat.

by Anonymousreply 25Last Thursday at 2:08 AM

r25 is right because they are describing me and my family life and yes, I'm usually the initiator but not always. It's always a pleasant surprise when someone else initiates. The thing is, we all want to be loved and sometimes when people are too busy to talk to us, it's really not personal. The minute I remember this, I let go of my feeling butt hurt. People have a lot of stuff going on. I promise you they think about you but sometimes it's hard to muster the motivation to meet up and they might just text you a quick "hey" instead.

Learn to be more gracious of your friends time.

by Anonymousreply 26Last Thursday at 2:29 AM

R25 Eh. I just would rather not feel like some unwanted eager-beaver texter, that’s all. Who would? Sone friends are into that kind of chitchat, but I’m no longer going to bother the ones who aren’t (and no, I wasn’t bombarding them all day long). It’s been liberating. I’m still here for them, and they know where to find me.

by Anonymousreply 27Last Thursday at 2:34 AM

OP and people who relate to him are the reason mass shootings are going up. There is nothing normal or understandable with letting yourself lose touch with your humanity.

SOME people are disappointing. SOME people are cruel. That's no reason to withdraw from the world. People who do so usually spend all their time online...and that makes them prime for radicalization by fringe groups.

Get involved in your community. Assess whether or not you've truly been a good friend to others and resolve to do better if that's not the case. Leading a solitary existence is no life...might as well jump off a bridge if you think it is.

by Anonymousreply 28Last Thursday at 2:43 AM

For years, I sent out holiday greetings emails to friends, acquaintances and associates. Most of the people I sent to automatically responded U2/whatever.

One year, I tried an experiment; I didn't send holiday greetings emails to anyone. And not one of the 45-50 people I'd sent to for years emailed back "didn't hear from you, what's up?" It was then I gave up on people.

by Anonymousreply 29Last Thursday at 2:49 AM

R29 I get that. It doesn’t make them bad people or anything, but the lack of courtesy is disappointing.

by Anonymousreply 30Last Thursday at 2:55 AM

Reminds of this nugget of wisdom I first read here:

If you go out in the morning and you meet an asshole -- well, you met and asshole.

If you go out in the morning and all you meet is assholes all day long: you're the asshole.

by Anonymousreply 31Last Thursday at 3:00 AM

Christ.

Just what this site thrives upon, another "woe is me" drama.

Here's an idea, maybe you're a boring and dull person with nothing but DRAMA!!

by Anonymousreply 32Last Thursday at 3:31 AM

I've not given up on all people, but I've always been misanthropic and as I get older I get more so. I can't stand 99% of people, so I am just very selective of who I spend any of my time and energy with.

by Anonymousreply 33Last Thursday at 3:57 AM

At any age, if you are friendly, you will have friends. It’s pretty simple and up to you.

by Anonymousreply 34Last Thursday at 5:12 AM

I had throat cancer at 30, you'd be surprised the people who can't deal with illness. Wasn't like i was dying but it was messy for a while with surgery, treatment and downtime. I was someone who THOUGHT i had a lot of friends. People went missing in action. ONE friend visited me the whole time i was in hospital. It was then i realised what people were: selfish. I must add that i am always the first to text or send flowers if someone else is sick. Five years later i cherish that friend - my best friend- and i let ALL the others go, it was painful at the time but now I don't even care. Now i am very careful about who i let in my life and i don't apologise for that.

by Anonymousreply 35Last Thursday at 5:40 AM

R35 - Sorry about your experience. People's inability to deal with illness isn't always a sign that they're selfish. Sometimes it's the exact opposite. I've got stage IV cancer and one thing I've learned is that talking about it makes a lot of people who I know love me feel very uncomfortable BECAUSE they love me, so I don't do it. Others handle it well. I would never judge or lose a friend because of their human frailty.

by Anonymousreply 36Last Thursday at 6:09 AM

r36 - sending you love. i'm glad you have support.

and this statement right here from r28 is the dumbest fucking thing i've read in awhile... "OP and people who relate to him are the reason mass shootings are going up."

yes r28. a group of us gays on datalounge posting about feeling lonely and isolated during a pandemic are the reason MASS SHOOTINGS are going up.

jesus fucking christ. stfu and check yourself. what a disgusting thing to say and what a hysterical dumbass jump in logic to make.

because i can relate to being frustrated that my friends don't initiate texting, i am the reason MASS SHOOTINGS are going up?

sure jan. sure.

by Anonymousreply 37Last Thursday at 6:23 AM

Yeah most of them are awful.

by Anonymousreply 38Last Thursday at 6:25 AM

As R32’s post demonstrates, being a good friend is about more than being friendly or not an asshole. Sometimes you gotta show up. I may be miffed with my friend for not answering texts, but I’m already thinking about what I’ll send him for his birthday next month, because that’s what you do.

And I agree, there are some scolds in this thread. We’re just airing some grievances in a way we probably don’t do in real life. Hey scolds - what’s your dynamic with your friends?

by Anonymousreply 39Last Thursday at 6:30 AM

[quote] Learn to be more gracious of your friends time.

lol Fuck you. What about my time? When do they start “being gracious” of my time?

by Anonymousreply 40Last Thursday at 6:34 AM

Isolation is a cycle and it's not healthy. I get preferring to be alone most of the time--I'm a single introvert and I NEVER feel lonely when I'm at home. The only time I really wish I was in a relationship is when I'm dining alone at a restaurant. And the pandemic has forced me to withdraw from a lot of my friends because they act like everything is fine and refuse to follow common sense precautions.

What bothers me is the mindset of hating ALL people and feeding a general disillusionment with humanity. It's not healthy, and once someone is at a place where they don't feel connected to their fellow man, it becomes easier to hurt them.

by Anonymousreply 41Last Thursday at 6:43 AM

I’ve given up an both people and myself.

I never initiate anything and most of my friends are rightly pulling away from me. My anxiety and depression only make it worse. It was never a problem until recently, when I started talking to myself and making incoherent noises around my apartment. I realized that the pandemic pretty much eliminated any incentive I had to think and act like a normal human. I no longer seek people’s approval or attention.

Unfortunately, I’m also developing a substantial hatred for the universe, as it requires unending effort from me and I’m tired of trying. I just want to sit on my couch and watch TV. Like...I fundamentally disagree with effort and wish to be free of it. Of course, I’m still a coward, so no actions. But I’m just so tired of it all. It’s all so inelegant and disgusting. Can’t wait for it to be over. I’m hoping for an aneurysm while I sleep.

by Anonymousreply 42Last Thursday at 6:45 AM

[quote]It's not healthy, and once someone is at a place where they don't feel connected to their fellow man, it becomes easier to hurt them.

Not for me. I have a strong, religious “all people are endowed with Buddha Nature” impulse. I just think they also suck and aren’t worth my time any more. I’ve decided that I’d rather play the Sims.

by Anonymousreply 43Last Thursday at 6:57 AM

[quote]lol Fuck you. What about my time? When do they start “being gracious” of my time?

They were being gracious trying to be friendly with a grouchy old cunt, R40.

What is it in life that you think grows fuller and better by waiting for other people to contribute while you sit on your hands, fuming, with a face that would sour milk? careers? community organizations? neighborhoods? the attitude of staff at the local shops? education? family? marriage? friendships?

by Anonymousreply 44Last Thursday at 6:59 AM

R44, your reading comprehension skills are clearly limited.

Yes, I’m a grouchy old cunt for not continuing to reach out to people who have given no indication that such a thing is appreciated.

You’re exactly the kind of person I’m talking about. You expect us to give and give even though your time is so valuable that you can barely deign to acknowledge our existence. And we’re “grouchy old cunts” for eventually getting sick of it instead of understanding how important and busy you are. Build a bridge and get over yourself.

by Anonymousreply 45Last Thursday at 7:22 AM

r28 - okay fair enough. i actually feel similarly.

by Anonymousreply 46Last Thursday at 8:15 AM

Completely agree with r37.

It's pretty telling that the "OP is why we have mass shootings" dude is also telling everyone else to do more, accept that they were terrible friends, and kill themselves if they don't want to maintain bad friendships.

He's the shitty friend in bad friendships, no question, and he's unreasonably angry that people don't always want to put up with his brand of shit.

by Anonymousreply 47Last Thursday at 8:24 AM

My best friend and I are pretty brotherly in that we can fight or not contact each other for a bit and it’s all forgiven without a thought. We usually communicate when one of us has found an interesting or amusing piece of information that we both know the other would appreciate.

But when one of us is in the mud, the other is always there to pull him out.

by Anonymousreply 48Last Thursday at 8:48 AM

[quote] One year, I tried an experiment; I didn't send holiday greetings emails to anyone. And not one of the 45-50 people I'd sent to for years emailed back "didn't hear from you, what's up?" It was then I gave up on people.

You guys can hate me, but I feel like "what's the point" when I receive a non-personalized holiday greeting from anybody. E.g., a text with a bunch of emojis and a "Happy _____!"

I'm not saying people should write something long and personal. For some reason, I'm just not moved at all by those kinds of terse texts & greeting cards.

by Anonymousreply 49Last Thursday at 9:06 AM

Once you've gone through a few jobs and realize that your coworkers are friends until you're no longer coworkers, it changes the attitude, IMO. You can still be friends, but adjust your expectations. I quit a job where I worked for about ten years. I now keep in touch with maybe one person, maybe two people from that job.

by Anonymousreply 50Last Thursday at 9:08 AM

I haven't given up on people. I've just lowered* my expectations of them. I feel much better for it.

* really, really lowered

by Anonymousreply 51Last Thursday at 9:12 AM

[quote] At any age, if you are friendly, you will have friends. It’s pretty simple and up to you.

At any age, if you are willing to be used and become a doormat, you will have friends. It's pretty simple and up to you.

by Anonymousreply 52Last Thursday at 9:57 AM

After years of intense bullying, I gave up on people when I was 20.

In my 40s, I'm in therapy, learning how to connect to people, and being treated for social anxiety.

by Anonymousreply 53Last Thursday at 10:00 AM

IME, the easiest period of life for making friends was college, while getting my bachelor's degrees. Yes, people had jobs, part-time jobs, etc. But people were gathered on campus with time between classes. We were young, used to all-nighter studying and all-nighter partying. The attitude was different. People were seeking companionship, not "contacts." I still have one friend from those days, somebody that I met while working one of my part-time restaurant jobs.

by Anonymousreply 54Last Thursday at 10:02 AM

R53, are you taking any anti-depressants, Benzos or beta-blockers?

by Anonymousreply 55Last Thursday at 10:07 AM

R55, no, I'm not taking any kind of medication. I'm trying to get by with just the therapy. But if it doesn't work, I might consider the medicine.

by Anonymousreply 56Last Thursday at 10:16 AM

here ya go

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 57Last Thursday at 10:26 AM

I find people around me are deceitful cheats. I’m disappointed in all of them.

by Anonymousreply 58Last Thursday at 3:03 PM

Inspired by this thread, I sent a bit of news to the friend I had stopped texting so much due to his late or lack of responses. He responded immediately and warmly. I guess it’s not the worst idea to make yourself a little hard to get sometimes. It’s like anything else you get sick of and take for granted.

by Anonymousreply 59Last Thursday at 3:17 PM

Maybe you texted too often 59. But some distance is good. I stopped texting a friend because she only wanted to talk about how hard her life is under lockdown and pandemic.

by Anonymousreply 60Last Thursday at 3:31 PM
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