How do you keep people from standing too close to you in lines?
I seem to always have a problem with people standing way too close to me in lines. It is better now with Covid but even today standing in a line to get a Covid vaccine with markings on the floor showing six feet the woman behind me was right on my ass, coughing, talking on the phone and laughing loudly two feet behind me. Dirty looks sure don't do the trick and it is so uncomfortable to have to still stand there after saying something and my experience is it doesn't stop them from standing too close to say something. I had gas all day until I got in line and I couldn't even work up a good fart for her.
I have had people push shopping carts right against my ass and then keep bumping it, constantly hitting my ass with their purse and be so close they are constantly rubbing against me. One time after I had already asked a woman to please give me a little space so she wasn't rubbing against me she kept right at it so I put my hand on my hip and then turning around quickly jabbing my elbow into her boobs, made no difference she stayed right on my ass the whole time. It seems to be mostly women but men do it also. How do you handle it? What am I doing wrong?
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 55||04/07/2021|
Honestly, it’s annoying but as long as I’m properly masked I don’t care. But I do understand your frustration.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 1||04/05/2021|
I know this is gross but I have the gift of long, loud farts. I also look a bit psycho these days from COVID quarantine. So very comfortable turning around and locking eyes al la Divine.....
“There’s more where that came from”.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 3||04/05/2021|
People have become even ruder and more entitled, especially after the pandemic. I'm not sure if it's ignorance or they are trying to start something - or both - but this happens to me all the time. People don't respect others' personal space or boundaries.
I would have kindly asked her to enjoy her conversation on the phone further back, please.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 5||04/05/2021|
[quote] I know this is gross but I have the gift of long, loud farts.
Today I had been farting all day and was worried about it until I got in line, I wanted to work up a fart to make her back off hoping it stunk to high heaven but couldn't make it happen.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 6||04/05/2021|
“Have you been exposed to leprosy before?”
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 7||04/05/2021|
Hiss at them, OP.
But seriously, a forceful reminder to maintain distance ("six feet..."), followed by a friendly "...we're too close to conquering this virus to slip up now" works for me. That and showing them I'm standing ten feet behind the person ahead of me.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 9||04/05/2021|
Start performing jumping jacks.
Get your cardio in and get them to bacthefucup
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 11||04/05/2021|
Why didn’t you poke her with your umbrella?
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 12||04/05/2021|
OP, luckily I am able to use words to speak to other people.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 13||04/05/2021|
Kindly remind them that they need to keep their distance. If their attitude meter goes off, promptly, and without hesitation, bitch slap the cretinous motherfucker. Then run.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 14||04/05/2021|
I slowly count to ten while imagining the opening credits of Dynasty. I then execute a flawless Joan Collins pivot while hissing "I've had sufficient!" at the wretched space invader.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 15||04/05/2021|
[quote] OP, luckily I am able to use words to speak to other people.
Well apparently you are unable to read.
as I stated in the OP. "it is so uncomfortable to have to still stand there after saying something and my experience is it doesn't stop them from standing too close to say something."
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 16||04/05/2021|
Start making a huge snot hocking noise like you're about spit a giant snot wad in her face.
Or start picking your nose and eating it sexually while staring right in her eyes.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 17||04/05/2021|
You seem like a big pansy, OP. Grow a spine.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 18||04/05/2021|
A fart is a good idea but I’m not gifted in this area in the way r3 is. Aren’t there fart making devices one could carry, like on a keychain, for those of us not talented enough?
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 19||04/05/2021|
Scream and shout ‘get 2 meters back from me you fucking cunt! Do you not know there’s a pandemic raging?’” All the while wildly swinging your arms about , foaming at the mouth and muttering and act like you are spastic.
People tend to give me a wide berth.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 20||04/05/2021|
I haven’t lived in NYC for 15 years. But a simple, “get the FUCK away from me, bitch” comes back like Viggo Mortensen’s hitman skills in A History of Violence.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 21||04/05/2021|
With shopping carts, I give a sudden hip check - especially if they touch my heel.
With people, I take out my phone and do an absent-minded back-up / whirl around with my elbows out - “Oh, sorry. Please forgive me.”
Another favorite is, “I CAN SMELL YOUR BREATH! MY GOD! BACK UP, PLEASE!”
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 22||04/05/2021|
When you get to the front of the vaccine line, tell them that she wasn't social distancing, and also maybe lie a bit and say she took off her mask. Maybe they will deny her the vaccine.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 23||04/05/2021|
Opening up any sort of communication with these people isn't worth it. The other day, I made a face under my mask at a man choosing to sit directly across from me on a mostly empty bus and he immediately went off. "You think I'm sick? You people are the sick ones! Fucking ridiculous!!!"
I said nothing and got off at the next stop. I'm not risking the droplet exposure of some rabid idiot pulling off his mask to rant and rave about a brow furrowing in his general direction.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 24||04/05/2021|
I also often kick my feet behind me as if I'm a special horse. That generally scares people.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 25||04/05/2021|
Space permitting, I have also told the guy in front of me, "I'm behind you, but I'm going to stand over there to make a call; please hold my place."
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 26||04/05/2021|
"When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close."
Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 27||04/05/2021|
Loudly announce "It's time for Prancercise!"
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 28||04/06/2021|
Depends on who’s back there. You might actually want them to get a little closer.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 29||04/06/2021|
[quote]I have had people push shopping carts right against my ass and then keep bumping it, constantly hitting my ass
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 30||04/06/2021|
I keep my shopping cart behind me while I'm in line.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 31||04/06/2021|
A loud uncovered hideous cough will part any crowd like you’re the Queen of Bloody England
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 32||04/06/2021|
Since I'm vaccinated 'n all I feel like I shouldn't even have to wait in line.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 33||04/06/2021|
I start yelling hysterically at my invisible friend and make sudden “methy moves”
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 34||04/06/2021|
SLAP THEIR FACE, SLAP THEIR FACE VICIOUSLY!!!
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 35||04/06/2021|
I’ll kick my leg behind me like I’m stretching or doing ballet.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 36||04/06/2021|
Hold your phone to your head and loudly say “What do you mean I tested positive for COVID [quote]and [quote]ringworm? I’m a grown man, check those lab results again.”
The problem self-corrects.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 38||04/06/2021|
Spencer Gifts sells fart spray. Works like a charm.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 40||04/06/2021|
[quote] You seem like a big pansy, OP. Grow a spine.
Oh I have totally gone off on people but it only seems to work until the line starts to advance again and then they are right back up on top of me again, it also makes standing there the rest of the time uncomfortable for everyone including the people with me if I am not alone. People pushing shopping carts against my ass, I have tried bending over quickly which shoves their cart back into them, that seemed to work that time, I just don't understand why anyone would do that in the first place. As I said above one time I put a hand on my hip and turned quickly hitting her boobs hard, this after I had already politely asked her to back off twice, as soon as the line started to advance she was right back on top of me rubbing her purse on my ass.
I have pretty well decided that there are just some people who think being in a waiting line requires people stand as close as they can and nothing you do will stop them. I have thought about letting them go ahead of me, but I don't want to reward their behavior.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 42||04/06/2021|
So we're leaving our mother's basements now? Since when? Why didn't you guys tell me?
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 44||04/06/2021|
I wear a ship steering wheel around my waist whose spokes are studded with sharp spines. Any old homemade vintage-era ship's steering wheel and dungeon spikes will usually do.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 45||04/06/2021|
None of this happens – you’re quite bored.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 47||04/06/2021|
Has anyone said fart yet? Tee hee I'm so original!
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 48||04/07/2021|
Lose your weight and the space around you will increase exponentially.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 49||04/07/2021|
As the line moves forward, I stand still to allow six feet between me and the person ahead of me. That makes the person behind me very antsy.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 50||04/07/2021|
I thought I was going to have to beat down a guy in line at the PO when I asked him to back up and he shot back "I'm not in the cult!". I replied " No, you're in the Post Office. Back the fuck up. "
Could have gone either way but he backed off.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 51||04/07/2021|
What R31 said. Even if I don't need a shopping cart, I'll get one just to keep it behind me in line. I also have seasonal allergies so I sniffle loudly or even fake a sneeze. That usually backs them up a bit.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 52||04/07/2021|
I was in an AutoZone a few months ago and a guy asked me to back up. I was less than 6 feet and on my phone waiting in line. I was honestly shocked, then a flash of annoyance, followers by defiance occurred in my head. But I did step back as requested but slowly. T be frank, I was sort of pissed at being called out. It wasn’t logical but that’s how my lizard brain took the request. Just not used to that type of interaction from strangers.
I say to OP, make a grand show of you keeping a distance form the people in front of you in a line. Be careful if you decide to call out someone behind you because you don’t know what thoughts can be running through their head.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 53||04/07/2021|
Since I try to avoid any crowds, I've only had a problem once in a line with a couple with obvious attitude behind me. I asked them to stay back, got the "make me" attitude, so I said "you're obviously in a hurry" and let them go ahead of me so I could manage the distance. Irritating, but solved the problem.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 54||04/07/2021|
While having my groceries checked out one time, the woman behind me was very close behind me. There were no other people in the line...so no one was behind her, forcing her to move up. Before I paid via the cc machine, I turned and gave her a dirty look. Even the cashier showed snark and said to her, "I see you're going to pay for her groceries." Finally, she moved back a little. I hate when people are too close. It's obtuse and obnoxious. Maybe an "accidental" jab with your elbow might help.
|by I am a guy and my ass isn't that great.||reply 55||04/07/2021|