When Have You Felt Behind of the Times?

It started in the '80s, when I realized I no longer cared to listen to most popular music, and I have only seldom felt with the times since. This was a big deal for me, because I'd always been a music maven—the kid in the neighborhood with the best record collection. I haven't liked most movies that were released since sometime in the '80s, either. And each decade, it just gets worse.

Fortunately, classical music was waiting to be discovered, right around the time I bought my first CD player. And then jazz.

I think I'm your age.

What kills me is that it is an accurate way to describe a seated position that was very particular to Indian people who were meditating. It was never--even in our ignorant childhoods--meant to be a slur.

Now, "Indian giving" is another story. That IS meant to be a slur.

Whenever I hear an actor or singers name who I’ve never heard about but everyone else seems to know.

r1 I'm in my late-late 20s, which means when I was in college artists like Justin Bieber were more of a joke for anyone older than 14. I was floored when some new hires (22-24) all got on me for laughing when someone mentioned hearing JB's new song at a bar early last year. I know he had a more mature sounds but didn't think even straight guys saw him as a respectable artist for them to support. I should have know given the number of consistent hits he's had, but I could tell I lost touch with some of the direction of pop music. They went on about how good his new album is and everything. I certainly felt my age.

Every time I see a hunk with even one tattoo I want to go scream in his face and tell him he no longer has a chance with moi!

Every time I read this shower of shite...

Every time my Zillennial sister starts talking about some new Soundcloud rapper she’s discovered. I’m a fan of classic rap, but hearing this mumbling I’m just like “who? What? All these people sound the same....”

I was never big on entertainment celebrities. If, for example, I went to a concert it was almost always at someone else's suggestion. I never had a big record collection. I never was a big fan of anyone especially, not in the sense of following their careers closely. I used to be more exposed to pop music and dj music at clubs, but mostly it went in one ear and out the other. Mix tapes? Thanks, but I rarely listen to music on my own.

The same with actors, comedians, etc. I had some knowledge but it was something that occupied my attention (or background to my attention( in limited situations.

I was never the most "with it" person on popular culture. I liked films and books and.music from decades ago; those were the things I took more stock in.

For all that I didn't have so far to fall out of knowledge. Digital music, for instance, is much more appealing than when everyone selected from a narrow catalogue. Now you can find obscure things to suit your taste, and from that others. In some ways I'm more current now at 60 because I know things known to quite small circles of people.

The names on DL that I have no idea of who or what or why they are, I ignore them as I did decades ago. Eventually their either "stick" and I somehow begin to pay attention or they fade before I ever caught on.

I'm fine with that, and was fine with doing the same thing when I was one-third my current age.

If you don't build pop culture figures up, they don't fall and you never stop paying attention because you never staryed.

For the most part, I've always felt that way. Even in my 20's, I wanted to be around to experience the culture of the 30's on up (decade hopping!) as it happened. Now I'm completely out of touch. I used to know who the big stars were in the 80's and 90's in all fields of entertainment even if I didn't care about them, and now I just don't pay any attention. I figured out technology on my own, but stopped with movies and TV (including award shows) around 2000, and I wasn't even 40. I'm catching up on movies I missed over the past 30 years, but most of them don't even interest me.

When I tried to use Snapchat and understood how to use it but failed to see the point or appeal. Same with Tik Tok. People can't pay attention long enough to watch a regular You Tube or read an Instagram or FB post, or tweet?

These posts are TLDR.

Then DR, r11.

I am thr opposite. I pretend not to know anything new young and contemporary. I prefer to be seen as acting my age.

I knew I was behind the times when I wanted to create a zapper to put people in the middle of a busy street when they stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to read their phone. I still wish it.

When I didn’t know what TLDR stood for?

I dont know if I have ever felt "with the times" to start with, so cant say I've noticed

Not hip, dont give a shit

Every time I come on DL and hear about these so-called studs like Zack whatever and Armand (I think), who look exactly the same and are basically boring and dead-eyed, I not only feel behind the times but am, in fact, glad that I am. Sadly, it reminds me of why I am single...the older, more interesting men are dying out and the younger gay men focuses on all kind of talentless hacks are just of sub-zero interest.

When I refuse to add "my pronouns" to my signature.

We said Indian style too, op. We didn't mean anything by it. I didn't even picture Indians when I said it as a kindergartener but now that I do, I would much rather sit in the manner of honorable Native Americans and imagine that what we are about to do has some glorious significance akin to rich culture of Natives or India or Tahiti or Japan or Scotland or whatever the fuck culture than some fucking applesauce.

This woke crowd, I just can't. Everything I say around my daughter is wrong Everything. I described a person as a gypsy for example. She gave me a 30 minute lecture, as if I were a card carrying KKK member. It has damaged our relationship. She once asked me where something was in a shop and I replied " behind that black gentleman in the blue suit." Well! That was such a racist thing to say, she hissed. What should I have said,I asked? He is black! I give up. As far as music, I haven't paid any attention to anything about it since Nirvana, and I live for music. Depressing. Everything is depressing. I feel I no longer belong here. Just doing time. Sorry, didn't mean to be so morbid. My daughter just constantly hurts my feelings and I resent her for it . It makes me very sad . Finally I went off on her. Badly. I told her that the woke crowd demands everyone think and speak they just demand it and they will be why facsism will prevail here . They will be the reason we completely lose our right to free speech, which is happening now, so con-fucking-grats you little special snowflakes and welcome to China and Russia.. Sigh. Now she hates me. I struggle to care.

R20 - Edit- They demand we think and speak their way.

R20 Use that wokeness on her. Why do you assume that just because I am this or that you think I think like this?

Black is not a bad word. I'd like to see her educate some old school black folks with this woke shit. Have your older black friends tell her to shut the fuck up. It's just another way for white people to control things. Ask her is she not being like a slave master in telling others what to do?

^assuming she's white

Whenever I deign to visit Reddit (less and less), which seems to have been fully hijacked by children now.

R20 is quite literally, a fascist sympathizer.

Why did I expect anything else in this thread.

R20 you'd love my partner! He hates this woke bullshit too, and he's an inveterate shit stirrer with the wokerati too.

Remember when the hippie flower child kept it simple with fuck the pigs and calling Vietnam soldiers baby killers?

So what does your daughter call the gypsy moth, R20--[italic]Lymantria dispar dispar[/italic]?

I'm glad I'm old and irrelevant; I would find it beyond exhausting to be out in the world today.

@R20- Oh, I would . I have always been told that I speak very bluntly. Maybe that comes from being a nurse for so long, idk. I just have no patience with this shit. And yes, do not tell me what I can and cannot say. Why are you so damn delicate that you can't handle a different opinion from yours? Different views and opinions are how we learn and have interesting conversations. It is vital to critical thinking, something they sorely lack. @R22- I have tried that, believe me. She is bipolar and thin skined as hell. Has to be right. She also projects her behavior onto me and is verbally abusive. For years I have forgiven her. Now I am tired. Drama. So much drama. I am in ill health, fighting for what little medical care I can get. I need her to her to be kind to me now. I can not endure these dramatic, hurtful episodes any longer, no matter how I love. It kills to say this, but I do not like her. I love her more than life. But I do not like my daughter. She is abusive. She is rigid. Unforgiving. Cruel. R20- Work on your reading comprehension, dear. Oh fucking dear.

Eh, just let her say whatever she likes. Don't try to control her. Pop your air pods in and nod your head.

@R30- 😆 You have no idea how many times I have said " Oh thank God for music! " Not much exaggerating when I say I would have given up long ago without it. Music is life!

[R20], give your daughter five years. Just don't give the little strumpet any quarter, as in giving her money. Or support. She'll come crying to you about something. That's when you can decide to return her favour, or let it go. Personally, she sounds like she's been brainwashed...

@R28- Exhausting is the perfect word to describe them I pity teachers. No way I could I interact with them on a daily basis. Teachers have my sympathy and admiration.

[quote] I come on DL and hear about these so-called studs like Zack whatever and Armand (I think), who look exactly the same and are basically boring and dead-eyed

R17 sure you weren’t just falling asleep midway through the latest Anne Rice?

R20 your daughter is going through a particularly woke phase, like many a teen before her through the millennia. This will pass, she’s probably just doing it either to fit in or to stand out.

The fact that you’ve decided you resent her for it and that she’s responsible for “destroying” your relationship is more concerning. If it takes that little to get you to cut her out of your heart, what does that say about you as a parent? Your situation as described sounds unpleasant, but given you are the adult and the guardian the onus is on you to take the higher ground, whether you like it or not. Presumably no-one held a gun to your head and forced you to raise a child.

I don’t mean to offend or provoke. I just really can’t stand judgmental, bullying parents, as my father was one and it really fucked me up (and I was about as nice and obedient and quiet a kid as you could want). This is a person’s life you’re handling, and treating it as disposable or diseased is helping no-one.

R35- she is 30 years old, dear. Been this way since she was 14. I am the one being judged, not her. Everything I say. No matter how mundane. You do not understand, I will never meet her high standards. As a mother, friend human being. I am not allowed my own opinions. I must agree with her always. I am a disappointment to her.

R36 mea culpa for assuming your daughter was still a kid/teen, and that you were a father. I should have verified first. The way you described your situation made it sound like a typical father-young daughter communication issue thy sours many a bond.

If she’s now thirty, then what does it matter what she thinks of you, and vice versa? Aren’t you both independent adults, with your own different beliefs and values and separate lives to lead? You say you “have to agree with her” and have to “meet her high standards”, but has she said this? And even if that is truly her belief (I doubt it), is this true? And who can force you to abide? You could just walk away and leave the situation when she gets on her soapbox, or close communication temporarily and tell her that you’ll be ready and waiting to resume a relationship when she stops asking you to collude.

Also, at your ages talking things out calmly and without screaming from the Ego is usually the go-to to resolve issues. Have you actually asked her to refrain from making incendiary or accusatory comments? Or mentioned (in neutral tones, without defaulting to an emotional space of attachment) that you’d prefer not to hear attacks on your character or have your language policed? You’re both grown women who are family, so what is this high-school bully nonsense about “she’s judging me, I hate her”? We women are harshly judged by the whole of society for jumping straight into hysterics whenever confronted with something we don’t like—don’t be that lady.

It’s easy enough to just nod and say “mmm hmmm” to someone you disagree with; not conceding that they’re right, neither taking what they say personally or making a big deal out of it. It’s fine to lie, or keep things light and superficial for the sake of peace. Forgive me, but given your ages it does seem as if this is being made into a needlessly big drama.

I found your remark “as a mother, friend, human being” interesting. Is that the order of importance for you? Or just what you think society wants you to be? That’s probably worth examining. Not all parents are friends to their kids, or even humane (believe me, I know). If you don’t mind the stigma and you really do not care about her like you say, then just cut your daughter off. Your girl is grown now, she can take of herself—and if your feelings toward her are so negative, she’s probably better off without you around and vice versa.

Tl;dr this is a communication issue, and you are feeding off each other’s negative energy bullshit like vampires. Maybe have a mature reasonable non-emotional and honest discussion about how you both feel and what you both expect.

Or dye your hair, get lipo and a tan, run off to Cancun with a rentboy, then kill yourself. I’m not gonna tell you what to do.

Considering that those were the people who were under 14 when you were in college, R4, why take their opinion of Bieber seriously now? He remains the same talentless clod that he's always been.

@R32- Very perceptive if you! Yes, unfortunately her father did that. He was abusive and never forgave me for leaving him. He spent years brainwashing her to hate me. Then the SOB burnt himself up. Goodbye bitch. But the damage was done. I have not been a perfect parent. Many things that should not have allowed , allowed. She is so bipolar that anything to keep the next bipolar rage or episode at bay I admit I allowed it. I needed the peace and calm. I do not know if any of you have ever had a loved one with this heartbreaking disorder, but it is brutal on everyone. A partner you can leave, but not your child. You feel such guilt and pity and fear. She inherited the disorder from her father. For years I had to deal with him. Then her. They drain you, just utterly drain you. She has ghosted me for seven months at a time. When I displease her she ghosts me. Once I asked her what if I have a medical emergency? I have MS, amoug many other illnesses. . She said call 911 bitch. If my boyfriend dies before me, I will be homeless. She has stated very clearly and often that she will not take me in even for one night. She will not have her life inconvenienced that way. I have never abused her. I helped her through college. Four years at Georgia State. . Maybe a little over over protective, but she traveled to China, many places. It haunts me.

When I'm the only one wearing a leotard and leg warmers to aerobics class.

I have a gay colleague who is woefully ignorant of his culture and history, and who truly believes that RuPaul’s Drag Race is a serious cultural benchmark. He isn’t that young, and I find it hard to believe he is so dense.

When I realized I had no idea who most actors under 30 even are, especially the ones appearing on all those youth-oriented supernatural/comic book shows. I used to love Buffy, but I have no interest in any of the clones it spawned over the years.

R39 do please take this pitiable flyover tale of woe to a well-qualified family psychiatrist. You deserve some sympathy and assistance from a professional, and we deserve some peace from hetero whingeing.

You might also benefit from the advice of the kind and knowledgable ladies at Mumsnet.

When my colleague was excited about going back stage to a Fetty Wap concert. I just blinked my eyes - absolutely nothing registered for me.

No interest, no envy, not wanting to even ask - who?

I am female - I was cocktail waitress in the 80,s and did corporate hotel sales in the 90’s and early 2000s. WHAT HAPPENED to Panty Hose???? Back in the day we had to wear skirts, suits w/skirts or dresses in the office - you would NEVER dream of going to the office without panty hose, I must have spent 100;000 dollars on Legs Eggs over the years - I had a good figure a closet full of high heels tons of work clothes and suddenly - 1999 maybe? GONE - I don’t even remember a cultural event or movie that changed it (even Ally McBeal wore panty hose). Suddenly if you wore panty hose to the office with a dress you were a total idiot - an OLD idiot....

R45 hosiery/nylons are uncomfortable, impractical, unseasonable, and they make one’s feet reek. They were clearly mandated for daily wear by a man.

And yes, somehow they do look frumpy in this day and age.

46 - I don’t disagree on any of that - I haven’t worn panty hose in years - my point was I don’t remember what happened or why - Like sometimes a movie or TV series or actress will be popular enough to change a whole fashion trend - I don’t remember at the time what started the shift in style - it didn’t taper off - it just ended.

R46 - not true. I would say for formal events, hose (black sheer, opaque, or even those with a print) are needed - particularly if you're over 35 or 40.

I agree that I don't think it's needed for daily office wear or anything, but it still has its place.

R47 - I remember it shifting for men too. I wouldn't have dreamed of coming to the office without a dress shirt, tie and slacks - at the minimum. Sport or suit jacket was normal.

Then - with a wave of the wand - no ties and then no jackets. Like poof - a law was declared and it wasn't needed.

I only wear a tie for weddings or formal affairs anymore - I think I only have like 3 of them now.

I remember feeling something strange and important in the culture had shifted in the 1990s when a local government official somewhere used the word “niggardly” in a speech - correctly meaning miserly, the context was related to a budget issue- and a few people complained it was racist (which was supported by the authorities, academia, and the media).

R43. What a miserable cunt you are. I guess you’re just really sad and lonely, as you surely can’t have any friends, so you just like to try to increase the unhappiness of other people. Of course, it must make it even worse that you’re not even good at that.

Yes.

I have felt behind the time when speaking about Rap Artists, younger pop artists, and many of the cable network stars.

R45 Most women favor pants but if they do wear a skirt they go bare legged.

In 2000 I dropped out of college and spent eight years working full time in the hospitality industry. I decided to go beck to college full time. I had met with my major advisor a couple times and was chatting with him about a presentation I was working on. I mentioned it was challenging to put together because it was very graphic-focused, and I had it saved on three separate disks. He just looked at me & said "Disks?" I pulled out of my bag a plastic case with all the hard disks I still had from when I bought them in 1998. He held up a thumb drive, which I'd never seen before. I had no idea technology had moved that far. My advisor was sympathetic, he knew I'd been out of the game a while.

All the time.

I still buy CDs and Blu-Rays and I love buying physical media. I don't stream. I don't have Netflix. I have a Samsung smartphone from five years ago.

In this new world, I find I have had to get used to new applications at work. Jabber, all these instant messaging systems. I find it so annoying. I would rather send an email, but the younger staff just instant message me all the time. Leave me alone. Get off my lawn.

From the moment people started earning money from ads on their YouTube videos or their blogs---or even HAD blogs---to now, with "Influencer" being AN ACTUAL CAREER!! To the tune of tons of money because of "followers"!

Coinciding with when "Reality TV Participant" became a career, going from show to show to show!

Then there's K-Pop. Whut?

I'm old. What can I say.

A 2nd cousin in her 20's ordered an Aperol cocktail. And I had to ask what's Aperol.

I tire of setting measurable goals in performance reviews just for a 2 percent raise. Did working people have to do this in the 90s or earlier?

I’ll bite #58 - what is Aperol? ...... A few years ago I picked up my neighbor’s mail by mistake - for some reason it was awkward so when I rang their bell to give it to them so I joked that I didn’t mean to be Gladys Kravitz - they had not the slightest idea what I was saying.

As a graphic designer in my late 40s I started a new job thinking that all the young designers knew a lot about programs that I was only vaguely familiar with. Turns out I know more than them and it was a lot of bullshit on their behalf.

@r4 it’s pretty much ONLY some straight guys and the girls who grew up “beliebers” who earnestly admit to liking Bieber.

For most young people he’s seen as trash, it’s actually worse than it was 12 years ago. His image and reputation is literal dog shit for most under 25s.

Your work colleges are a very outlying group, from my experience.

R60 So much cultural history being lost - Bewitched should really be required viewing. Aperol is an aperitivo aggressively marketed as a trendy replacement for Campari. Haven't tried it yet.

I used to know who every celebrity was who walked the red carpet etc. At some point, probably the last 6/7 years, I barely know who the f any of these people are. I’m also just not entertained by that shit anymore and I used to like live for it. So I must just be an old fart.

64 - in my 20s Someone turned on the red carpet arrivals on the tv in our office - one of the older guys asked who the beautiful redhead withTom Cruise was. I CRINGE at what a little dramatic smart ass I was - “WHAT? Lester doesn’t know who NICOLE KIDMAN is? Oh my, God!!!!!! Lester! you don’t know who that IS????” - Ok - fast forward - who is that chick the Jonas Brother is married to who is announcing the Oscars ? I still think of Tom Hanks as a young guy. When I think of the Oscars I see Jack Nicholson, Dustin Hoffman and elder statesman Jimmy Stewart.