People who talk frankly about bodily functions

[QUOTE] I would never talk about bodily functions like that around coworkers.

MARY!

Mary!

I will say, I remember reading a discussion (probably on DL) about people who grew up never farting in front of their immediate family. They were all from very WASP backgrounds.

Even by my standards, that is weird and repressive.

R3, I think it’s ok to talk about peeing in front of just about anyone. I think it’s not ok to fart in front of pretty much anyone.

Talking ok. Doing not ok.

True, r4. But I would never say, "I need to fart!!" in front of a coworker.

A popular poem from seventeenth century England:

I know a married couple around thirty-seven or eight who don't even acknowledge that they have bowel movements. I've always found that incredibly odd.

I run meetings once a month and I always propose a 10 minute break to give attendees a chance to do whatever they want. It’s mostly women so they appreciate the opportunity to run to the bathroom without having to say it explicitly.

That is odd, r7.

[quote] I will say, I remember reading a discussion (probably on DL) about people who grew up never farting in front of their immediate family. They were all from very WASP backgrounds. Even by my standards, that is weird and repressive.

We always ran to the garage to let one rip. It was just considered polite and thoughtful to spare everyone from the awful stench and awkward sound.

Lol r10.

My family had far less class

I fucking HATE it when people announce they have to do x, y, z or some combination, god forbid. Especially if there is going to be a wait until they can get to the facilities. It makes me squirmy as hell. Just suck it up, wait your turn and talk about the fucking weather in the meantime. Oversharing is not for me.

MARY! MARY! MARY! MARY! MARY! MARY!

JFC. Take a nerve pill, OP.

r12 and r13 demonstrate the two schools of thought on the issue

I mean, someone saying I have to pee is not all that controversial in an office. It might be for a generation who still says "I have to tinkle" but otherwise, no.

Now, I've worked around guys who talked about taking a dump or dropping a deuce, and that IS gross and inappropriate.

I don't know why, but that seems to be how it plays out in offices these days.

I once worked with a man who had a habit of telling us how much diarrhea he produced the previous night, the number of times, volume, etc... He was oblivious to our reaction.

Did you work with the scat troll r17?

ew ew ew ew ew R17

This is apropos of nothing, but why the fuck do guys shit in public restrooms and then NOT FLUSH?

Are they fetishists who get off on the thought of someone else seeing their shit?

You guys have obviously never worked around or had friends who are straight men

Bros love talking about their burps, farts, piss , dumps etc

As a masculine bisexual guy, I've talked about it with bros too

My favorite is when you destroy the bathroom after taking a big dump and then you tell your bro

"Don't go In there for awhile"

It's hilarious and never gets old

R21 it is hilarious

Well I never in all my life r21!!!

People who eat while on video deserve to die.

I worked with a nut who would talk about his daily suppositories.

And that was a frank talk? OMG, my Queen Victoria!! It took you so long to reincarnate in the modern time. And do you still have to use a euphemism like "spend a penny" with your parents when you want to piss, OP?

I usually say I need to make a pit stop if i have to pee before going to lunch or joining a meeting.

“I should not have had all that chipotle before our date!”

r26 I would not say, "I need to pee." I would veil it in the euphemism "I need to use the restroom."

And as r12 states, I wouldn't announce I needed to use the restroom if the opportunity wasn't in the immediate future (eg at the beginning of a meeting). Who needs to know that, really? So yes, it's TMI to me

Nobody should EVER be taking a dump at the workplace, unless it's some sort of extraordinarily long shift (whooops, nearly did a typo).

Pooping is for at home ONLY! Peeing can be done outside of the home.

I work with a guy whom I normally only see at shift changes (thank the Lord). He'll routinely say as he's leaving work and I'm coming in, "Well, it's time for me to go home and poop." No one wants or needs to know that. It's different when you're debating whether or not to pass gas in front of your partner, but this is a coworker I don't know outside of work. TMI, to say the least.

Re: the WASP thing, I grew up upper middle-class WASP and we kept all the passing gas confined to our bedrooms or bathrooms. My mother--to this day--hates the word "fart," so I've always said "passing gas." I've had a few close friends that I've joked with about upset stomachs, but even very few people I'm friends with know I have IBS. That's not something that should come up unless medically necessary. Or--apparently--unless I'm commenting on a DL thread about bodily functions.

Why on earth would anyone fart in front of other people??? Significant other excepted (and even then, it should be a last resort). What is wrong with you people?

I never flush in a public restroom. Let someone else see and flush my doo doos.

However, OP, you have no problem bringing this to DL as a serious topic of discussion. Aren't you, in a way, perpetuating the discussion about bodily functions in a public forum?

professional work meeting ≠ DL thread, r34

I highly doubt DLers discuss favorite daddies in porn, saddest episodes of The Golden Girls, or their next-door neighbour Joel in work meetings, either

r33 = scat troll

“I don't know why it is I can't perspire—I just sweat."

"I didn't sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands War, when I was shot at ... it was almost impossible for me to sweat, so it couldn't have been me fucking Epstein's teen whore. Must have been some other British prince."

I'm sure Hyacinth has some thoughts on this issue

OP of this thread, apparently

I remember as a teen crapping a big one once when we had relatives over. It was winter but I cracked the window about 7 in. and sprayed a ton of Glade, washed my hands with a ton of soap...

Only to hear my father bellow a couple minutes later, "Who left this goddamn window open?! Are we heating the outdoors?! Goddamn goof!".

And my aunt piped-up, "Oh I do that too sometimes when I have a bad you-know-what".

So sorry I missed dad's funeral. People still ask me about it.

r41 you gave me a much needed laugh

I would never say "pee" or "piss" in a professional context. "I'm going to run to the restroom" or "I need to excuse myself" is more appropriate

I used to work with a fat bull dyke who would announce several times a day that it was, "Time to let the kids out."

That's the nicest thing I can say about her.

[quote]fat bull dyke

You sound lovely!

I just shat in my Depends. There, I said it. No big fucking deal.

Amateur r46

Call me crazy, but whenever i see a hot guy I picture him settling down on the bowl grunting out a massive deposit.

I hate the words pee and poop.

It's not that I'm squeamish or delicate at all, but I associate those two words with new white moms who seemingly can't utter a sentence without pee or poop or both brought into it. Some dog owners are as bad.

If I had to piss during a video meeting I would wait for what seemed a good time, stand up, hold my finger up to signify 1 minute and return with no explanation. No one needs to know if I took a package from a delivery man at the door, took a big shit, a piss, brushed my teeth, or got the coffee I had brewed a few minutes earlier. If there are enough people in the meeting no acknowledgement at all is necessary if you're gone no longer than a piss.

It's so infantile:. "I have to go do #1!". Just go piss and come back, no explanation needed unless you're running the meeting; in which case wait to near the end and say "I have to step away for a moment so 'til next week, then."

You have a better lot of colleagues than I do if there's any delight taken in picturing one of them having s piss or a shot. Unnecessary info. You wouldn't get up mid-meal from a dinner party and announce that you were going to take a ferocious shit to make room for more food; don't tell your colleagues the details (with baby words) of why you step away from a meeting for a minute.

Marry me r49!!

r49 my grandmother (born in 1916) used to say "tinkle" and (for her dog) "make dirt"

Better than saying “I have to see my probation officer” and then coming back a few minutes later with a bit of coke on your nose.

OP the phrase 'thanks for sharing' comes to mind. i

R11 - my dad grew up with upper class parents. When my mom was newly married and first living with him she thought he was the most romantic man ever...spoke French, wrote poetry, was handsome in a 1970's way with a moustache and manly. However, he had horrible IBD (probably where I got all my lovely digestive issued including colitis). After the first time she cooked (she was just learning) he was being romantic and...boom...a huge fart. She always said my dad's bowel problems were the death of passion.

Everybody poops, honey.

Pees too.

Hey, fellow Zoomies! I need to piss n shit!

I really don't need to hear "I didn't have time to pee" from a colleague at the beginning of a meeting r55. Why tell us, especially if you're not planning on doing anything about it until after the meeting?

[quote][R49] my grandmother (born in 1916) used to say "tinkle" and (for her dog) "make dirt"

I know someone from an upper-middle-class Southern family, and his late grandmother—a real character who had that very proper Deep South/non-rhotic/GWTW type of Southern accent—used to say "to dirty" for "to shit." (Never in front of me, though.) One time my friend related that she had been constipated and told him, "Ah haven't dirtied in THREE WHOLE DAYS!"

That's hilarious, r58.

My grandmother was Italian American. I have no idea where she picked up "make dirt"

Buddy Hackett once told a joke where the set up included "Clams make great pets. They don't make dirt."

This must be a relatively new thing because of gross out comedies. I'm an Italian American from a blue collar background and not only at home nor at school or work did people talk like this. Maybe occasionally a few men by themselves might have but the attitude on the whole was keep it to your fucking self.

I was in a supermarket a little while back and a young mother and her young boy were talking about poop. I could have put them both into a meat grinder.

[quote]I could have put them both into a meat grinder.

The discussion of poop was the least offensive thing about r61

Ha I knew an asshole like R62 would say that.

I'd throw you in after them.

I grew up in a lower middle class house, and my mother was very uptight about bodily functions. Things were to be done with discretion.

To this day, I will not acknowledge that I have a digestive system, other than eating. I am horrified if a friend has a bowel movement when I'm in the same restroom, or brings up the topic in general.

For whatever reason, urine isn't as offensive to me. I would not have thought twice if a co-worker mentioned it in a meeting.

R62. It was at the deli counter which made it all the more gross. But no I would not have actually want to do that but I was so tempted to say could you be disgusting somewhere else.

R65 - may have been for the best if the baby couldn't hold it. Better his mom take him to the restroom than everyone having to smell it.

Same, R64. My mom was particularly squeamish when she was married, although when she was pregnant with me she had to pee constantly, and sometimes she would have no choice but to go in front of my dad while he was doing something at the sink.

On one such occasion she accidentally let a fart escape while pissing, and my dad decided to, well, take the piss out of her. While combing his hair he said, "Ah, caught ya tootin', didn't I?" She wailed, "Oh, [bold]DONALD![/bold]" He deadpanned, "I smell it too." She recalled to me, only half-jokingly, "At that moment I knew the romance was dead."

They were talking about poop sandwiches. At a deli counter. I was like can we go back to the 1950s?

R67, your mom was THAT GIRL?

Some of the remarks here are very funny. (Ha ha) I don't think much of these expressions, as I'm not uptight;I can appreciate the creative eupemism. I've certainly heard more of them since moving to the states. I have one straight male friend who told me on a road trip that we had to stop soon because he felt a "turtle head poking out"! I just laughed. Another straight mate constantly tells me he "needs to go rub one out" I say thanks for sharing.

[quote]"turtle head poking out"!

I've heard a straight guy use this expression too

Only talk ? I had female clients breastfeed in front of me

Perhaps unsurprisingly, r72 is the anti-vax troll.

I'm learning so many hilarious euphemisms on this thread!

"Pardon me while I repair to a nearby comfort station."

[quote]We always ran to the garage to let one rip.

And I never lost that muscular definition ever since.

I've also heard the expression "make water" but I'm not sure how much people still use it

How about this one. Young Mother to toddler she was potty training - "Do you have to make?". I assume it was no 1 or no,2 (also euphemisms)

Better to hear about it than have them carry the phone or computer to the loo.

r78 when I lived in China, I learned that babies are taken out of diapers very early. Then they are dressed in pants with a slit. (Even in the winter ... you'll see toddlers all bundled up with their bare backsides fully exposed.) They think it's cruel to make the child wear a diaper full of their excrement.

Mothers will hold the child close to the ground and make a "shhhhh"-type noise to indicate it's time to urinate or defecate.

It was funny ... walking the streets of China, you're never really sure if you're seeing dog shit or baby shit.

r79 I had a roommate many years ago who would take a shit during business calls (and not flush, obviously).

If they only knew.

R73 - right? It really speaks of our puritanical origin when we make such a huge deal over breast feeding. I noticed that in Europe women breast feed discreetly and naturally and tbh you don't actually see anything except a baby and boob which is mostly covered by the baby's head. It's pretty standard and I am starting to ask myself how natural are we when women have to hide in a bathroom or their car during work to pump milk into a plastic bottle instead of just feeding a baby. I guess a society founded on Puritan vampire will always be a bit twisted.

Exactly r82

I can't eat and listen to music at the same time. Completely overstimulating. I can watch TV or a show fine with dinner, but music? Nope.

With certain people it's disgusting. With others, it can be quite hot.

A young, hot, straight dudebro talking about his bodily functions is fucking way hot. Two young, white jocks hanging out, drinking beers and ripping farts is very hot.

Literally with anyone else it's just fucking disgusting. Fat people, women, ugly people, old people- just gross.

One time, I was in the car with a buddy who didn't know I was gay. We had a girl in the car with us. We dropped her off at home. As soon as she got out of the car and shut the door, my buddy said to me "Good, now we can fart." I got an INSTANT boner. That kind of talk among young straight dudes is so fucking hot.

I work with a very spectrumy guy who is completely oblivious to the world around him. It's a miracle that we're on this side of COVID and he managed to turn off his video AND mute himself every time he used the restroom in a Zoom meeting

He was just talking about it? Amateur.

R86 = Stealth Scat Troll

I thought it was hilarious when I was a kid and we drove past a gas station. I’d call out “Ma, you passed gas! You just passed gas. Ewww….”

Because I know you bitches couldn't live without an update ...

I had a meeting with this colleague today and about ten mins before it started, he announces, "Well, think I better go to the little boys room."

MARY!!!!!!!!!

[quote]This is apropos of nothing, but why the fuck do guys shit in public restrooms and then NOT FLUSH?

Because they're disgusting pigs.

I just say "Please excuse me while I go to the men's room. I will be right back." My friends make fun of me because I end up saying it at my own house.

R78 I think a mother potty training her toddler about "making one" is a lot different than a 40 year old man saying he can't even go pee.

I had a coworker who would try and make small talk with me in the bathroom while I was peeing. Absolutely not!

I like the expression “making water.” It comes to mind when I’m hungover and trying to rehydrate - that first fresh pee, I’m up and running, making water again!

I would never discuss any bodily functions with my family, let alone fart in front of them. When we were kids, my mother would say we can use “bathroom talk” as much as we want as long as we did it in the bathroom, so we would run in there to say “pee pee” etc. My sister once had a terrible stomach ache and was convinced she had appendicitis. My brother and I were keeping her company when all the sudden she turned bright red, ran to the bathroom, and came back and said “I’m fine.” It was just gas (haha).

I hate it when grown women announce that they have to “change their pad”. It’s even worse when the do it in front of you using the dinner napkin.

[quote]You guys have obviously never worked around or had friends who are straight men

This is Datalounge, what do you expect? The elders here have barely talked to straight men for their entire lives. They're shut-ins watching Designing Women reruns in their hovels and stopped paying attention to the outside world in 1989.

My meeting policy for bodily function talk is this: "a picture is worth a thousand words."

Datalounge is literally the only place on Earth where I still see people talking about WASPs. It's like a time warp around here sometimes.

[quote]. I have one straight male friend who told me on a road trip that we had to stop soon because he felt a "turtle head poking out"! I

Another expression is "I'm prairie doggin' it."

"I have to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool."

But, R98, you are clueless in your tiny little diverse nest, aren't you? If a person refers to himself or herself as a WASP, and you deny the existence of such a category, doesn't that make you complicit in both bigotry and thought-genocide? Can't people identify themselves, you little racist, you?

And of course you use the "time" argument, as if you have a clue about historical and current social-group development and dynamics. YOU determine that a quintessential American social/education/class group is gone just because you're a twat?

Or do you only see brownish people and trashy whites as "worthy victims" who merit your acknowledgement as actually being?

WASPS are in Maryland now.

Dorothy Parker allegedly once rose from The Algonquin Round Table saying she needed to go to the bathroom. As she reached the door, she turned and announced "I really need to make a phone call but I was too embarrassed to say it."

"Make water" reminds me of Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy.

r101 wow what a way to overthink things. I simply meant that "WASP" is pretty much gone from the American nomenclature and WASPs are basically just lumped into the "white people" category now. Only on DL is "WASP" still a thing, meant to evoke a certain type of lifestyle that hasn't been relevant in decades. The classic WASP archetype is only alive amongst some very old people now.

If you said "WASP" to anyone under 40 they really wouldn't know what you meant.

R105, pardon me for taking your bullshit at face value. It's polite at a first encounter, especially when someone is honking like a goose.

And the ignorance of "anyone under 40" is not the problem of the literate and educated. We are not trying to communicate with stupid people who don't know how to educate themselves.

Plus isn't it nice that R106 is so brilliant she can speak for many millions of people with such proud certainty?

Christ. This is the DL?

Wow r107 you take prisspottery to a new level. Maybe if you left your hovel once in a while and interacted with the modern world you'd know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[quote] We are not trying to communicate with stupid people who don't know how to educate themselves.

Avon Old Farms and Columbia, dear. Thank you, next.

[quote]I just say "Please excuse me while I go to the men's room. I will be right back." My friends make fun of me because I end up saying it at my own house.

"Excuse me" is the all purpose explanation.

While I'm not rattled by the specificity, if someone says "excuse me," there are only so many likely possibilities as to why, and the implication is that they will be back in a short time. I don't need/want to know if they have to make a phone call to their dentist, their mother; to take some air; to step out for a cigarette; to have a wank, a shit, a piss; "to go the men's room," "to see a man about a horse, a dog, a second-hand trombone... Unless you want to make a point about the urgency or wickedness of your piss/shit/call to your old senile mother, just say "excuse me" and step away.