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Have you ever googled guys you briefly dated or hooked up with years ago, and were horrified by what you found?

I just did. A guy I briefly dated 20 years ago. The long Long distance thing made it impossible and we lost touch. The first hit on google was from some site called kiwifarms, which is a forum for people who have nothing better to do than follow the social media of people who are suffering from a descent into madness. Their screen grabs of my friends multiple FB pages were a voyeuristic look at someone’s spiral into meth addiction and madness. He was such a kind soul and very talented. I really didn’t need to see it.

by Anonymousreply 38January 21, 2021 8:21 PM

I googled two exes on the same night out of curiosity about 8 yrs ago. Both recently dead. What are the chances of that? I don't google exes anymore...

by Anonymousreply 1January 16, 2021 6:25 AM

Yes. One is in prison for armed robbery. Another is severely mentally ill and/or drug addled.

by Anonymousreply 2January 16, 2021 6:45 AM

If I am not in touch with the person and I have ambivalent feelings about my time with this person, NO, I do not search.

I rarely go on a google search for anyone from the past or present.

And I think we have spidery senses and if we are impelled to search from someone from the past, the news is probably not good. So now I know what to expect if my mind says - let's see what happened to.....

by Anonymousreply 3January 16, 2021 6:52 AM

One guy I had several long conversations but never met and lost touch with had a unique name. And I was reading the paper one day and there was an article of how he had died mowing his lawn. He wasn't that old. A university Professor, I think.

Another guy I thought I was falling in love with told me in a letter that it wasn't going to work, I just wasn't what he was looking for, etc. I was de-va-stated. It really hurt. But when I healed-up I felt he wasn't who i thought he was anyway, and got over it eventually.

He was busted for kiddie porn, did a month in jail and will be on the sexual offender list the rest of his life. Imagine having to tell that to people you meet, potential employers, etc.?

by Anonymousreply 4January 16, 2021 6:55 AM

[quote]He was such a kind soul and very talented. I really didn’t need to see it.

Ya see? That's why you don't take the buggy down that road.

If I have good memories of past friends and lovers, I just like to keep them nicely wrapped and in the drawer.

by Anonymousreply 5January 16, 2021 7:20 AM

Yeah a super nelly guy who used to blow me in high school is married and has 4 kids in S. Carolina and works with the news. I never fucked him because he was butt ugly. Another guy who was my first gay experience who I did fuck in 10th grade is (surprise, suprise) married to an Asian and has 2 of the strangest looking kids I have ever seen. Normally I think babies and mixed kids turn out well but this guy. Since 2019 2 other guys I would occasionally hook up with died. One was 50 and another 52.

by Anonymousreply 6January 16, 2021 8:50 AM

I've googled practically everyone I've ever known at one time or another. C'mon...we've been living with google and the internet for over 20 years.

No one I used to know has met with any bad ending. No wives or children or any obvious disasters. There is one guy, however—my first crush—whom I have never been able to find, in spite of the fact that his last name is truly uncommon. I've found his brother, his sister, and even ancient mentions of his father in the small-town paper we read growing up, but my former friend has absolutely no online presence.

He must have OD'd sometime shortly after the last time I saw him, which is around fifty years ago now.

by Anonymousreply 7January 16, 2021 11:02 AM

Smart DLers have the app which alerts them if their name is ever used for an internet search.

by Anonymousreply 8January 16, 2021 11:36 AM

Funny that, OP.

I recently Googled a guy from my very distant past and was horrified to learn he's serving time in state prison for failing to register as a sex offender.

I was slightly horrified.

by Anonymousreply 9January 16, 2021 11:52 AM

I googled a guy I'd dated a few times about a decade before, and he'd become a prostitute ("escort"). Billed himself as the classy type who offered refined conversation as well as a big dick. I wouldn't say I was horrified, just tickled.

Just googled him again and yup, he's still a prostitute—this is almost 30 years later, and he's in his early 50s. I think his photos are slightly vintage, but hey, his dick hasn't shrunk.

by Anonymousreply 10January 16, 2021 11:53 AM

One guy I “dated” for a,few months took a cross country trip financed by men along the way. When one of his sponsors refused to give him enough money, my “ex” hit him over the head with a glass bottle filled with orange juice. My “ex” did time for assault and burglary. I googled him and was kinda surprised when I saw his mugshot along with a news story.

by Anonymousreply 11January 16, 2021 12:04 PM

I guess I'm older than some of you. Mostly I find obituaries.

Two guys have amazed me. Both married and one of 'em divorced but we fucked around in high school fifty years ago.

And they both look great.

by Anonymousreply 12January 16, 2021 12:08 PM

Around twenty years ago, an ex and I used to have threesomes regularly with this other guy who had one of the biggest dicks I've ever seen - 9", and I'd have to use both hands to grab the base to be able to hold the entire circumference. He lived in a town not far from where I grew up. A few years ago, my husband was travelling with work and and had an unexpected stay at the same town, and asked what he could do to keep himself entertained overnight, and I joked 'Well, there's this guy who has a huge cock...'

Out of curiosity, I Googled him. In those intervening years, it turned out he'd been jailed for keeping and underage youth as some kind of sex slave, who had then tried to stab the guy I used to fuck while he was sleeping so that he could make an escape. The youth was initially arrested for the stabbing, but then the other guy was arrested and jailed when it transpired that the younger guy was the victim. Another guy living with them was also jailed, and the news reports said that he'd been recently diagnosed with HIV and had also been fucking the underage guy.

It was all pretty unsavoury.

by Anonymousreply 13January 16, 2021 12:08 PM

“Out of curiosity “ - you slut! You googled him because you wanted to hold that base again with both of your hands...

by Anonymousreply 14January 16, 2021 12:16 PM

r13 wins, close the thread!

by Anonymousreply 15January 16, 2021 12:17 PM

Yeah - it was sad. One guy committed suicide, which in retrospect isn’t that surprising. He was Cuban, getting his PhD at NYU, and just about the angriest guy around. He railed against communism and argued with me a lot just so he could announce triumphantly “I won the debate!”

Another was a fairly big model in the late 80s, early 90s. He was an ex of Rupert Everett’s and though sweet, was very name drop-y and shallow. I first found his mugshots (DUI) then a year later an obituary. Found out from his sister’s Facebook page that he struggled with addiction, ended up living with his mother in her retirement condo and succumbed to diabetes.

A couple of other exes are doing great so I guess it evens out.

by Anonymousreply 16January 16, 2021 12:27 PM

I'll wait another 20 years because there's one I want to BE SURE is dead already.

by Anonymousreply 17January 16, 2021 1:41 PM

My 2010s LDRs all got fat and ugly. Not being picky, they literally became overweight and hit with the ugly stick. Hair loss too. They were cute teens, but ugly adults. Ugly teens make hot adults?

by Anonymousreply 18January 16, 2021 2:52 PM

Unless they are on social media how would you even find them? I googled an ex and found nothing on them.

by Anonymousreply 19January 16, 2021 3:24 PM

I make a point of not googling anyone...I figure if we are not in each other’s lives, there is a reason. No point thinking about what might have been or finding out anything that will make me feel upset.

by Anonymousreply 20January 16, 2021 3:32 PM

Mostly Google when I've been drinking. Since I cut way back on drinking, I don't Google guys I hooked up with.

by Anonymousreply 21January 16, 2021 3:54 PM

A fraternity brother who I blew on a regular basis is still married 30 years later to the woman he was dating in college. He took over his dad’s insurance agency is some Bumfucke Iowa town. They are active in their church.

by Anonymousreply 22January 16, 2021 4:00 PM

Found out that the boy I loved at 18 (and still had a place in my heart) OD'ed at 30.

by Anonymousreply 23January 16, 2021 10:18 PM

I keep checking the obituaries for one ex of mine, my first love. I've done it every few years for decades now but so far, no joy.

I did find out that he'd gotten married and had a couple of kids. His son drowned at 17, which is how I found out about the marriage/kids thing - from his kid's obituary.

It was momentarily satisfying, thinking of the pain that must have caused my ex, but it wasn't the kid's fault that his dad was such a motherfucking low-life.

by Anonymousreply 24January 16, 2021 10:26 PM

Yes. More than twenty years ago I picked up at a Starbucks the guy who had just been elected Mr. Leather in my home state. He had no leather on that day, but he was handsome and blond, he had a great body, and when he bent over for me he presented such a luscious ass that I spent about the next two hours eating it out--I had never once in my life done that before with a hookup, but it was irresistible (it was also clean as a whistle).

Last week I saw his name suggested as a possible FB friend for me. He is now in late middle age and fat and has a beard--he looks like he should belong to a mirth 'n' girth club. (For all I know, he does.) He is also, inevitably, now a realtor.

by Anonymousreply 25January 16, 2021 10:27 PM

I went to a college reunion a few years ago and my first boyfriend (who broke my heart back in the day) was there with his husband. Another friend took some photos of us together, which I put on social media. I felt so vindicated when my sister said, "I saw the photos of you and Dan on Instagram--looks like he grew up to be a little old Jewish man! You looked ten years younger than he did in that photo." (And she has never been one to give me compliments.)

by Anonymousreply 26January 16, 2021 10:30 PM

It's the Datalounge influence, R26.

Hang out here, look ten years younger - it's guaranteed!

by Anonymousreply 27January 16, 2021 10:32 PM

R22 - I also have found some guys that just got married. In college I had a hot as hell experience with a semi-Goth. He was hardcore bipolar and when we met it was like sparks flying. Our first night out we kissed and talked until 5 in the morning but when it came to sex he got jittery. After awhile he had sex with me but each time, he would take Xanax and cry in the bathroom after. Incredibly talented and intelligent person. After college, I found out he moved to San Francisco and worked as an artist at Sephora. Oddly, he married this weird Lebanese girl from college and had several babies but in each picture it's him and her girlfriends and she rambles on and on about how "man" he is. Weird.

by Anonymousreply 28January 16, 2021 10:37 PM

The crash of '29 hit his interests hard, and he put a pistol in his mouth that year. Or so I read.

by Anonymousreply 29January 21, 2021 10:43 AM

I met a guy when I lived in Pittsburgh who was charming but a hopeless alcoholic. He also had a roving eye, so it wasn't going to work.

Years later I found an obituary where someone had stated he died "after a long illness". Livers can only handle so much.

by Anonymousreply 30January 21, 2021 10:59 AM

Yes and usually they are dead.

by Anonymousreply 31January 21, 2021 11:37 AM

R19: You have no imagination, do you?

When I have a WEHT moment, I've discovered that a lot of people turn up in obits of family members which is how marriages and children often come to attention. You also get to see whose family seems to have made peace with gayness (naming a partner/spouse).

It's not unusual for people who came of age in the peak drug use years of the 70s to early 80s to OD and people who came of age in the pre-antiretroviral era often died of "a long illness".

A former crush of mine--very bright but more dreamer than ambitious wound up bankrupt and living in what seem like marginal circumstances (judging from the addresses). The people who've had legal problems (e.g., convicted of having sex with someone underage, being caught in a "cruising park" sting while being a local pillar of the community) were old friends. The cruising park guy seemed foolish--it happened near his small town and I had to wonder if he was deluded enough to think he wouldn't be caught (Republican with a little money). It's interesting who alludes the internet---a cousin who was a priest (probably very quietly drummed out of the priesthood). OTOH, there are tech-savvy people who probably know how not to be captured by Whitepages, Spokeo, etc.

by Anonymousreply 32January 21, 2021 12:01 PM

r8, what is that app that lets you know about Internet searches?

by Anonymousreply 33January 21, 2021 12:26 PM

Agree with above - I Google everyone. The only ones that upset me are the ex-coworkers. They all stayed in the finance business and made lots of money and live in expensive houses. Envious - but then I think they sacrificed 20 years of their life to 24/7 high stress work. Always makes me question my philosophical balance of money vs time and accomplishment vs contentment.

None of my ex boyfriends are that successful. I think I dated unambitious losers - maybe because I had low self esteem.

by Anonymousreply 34January 21, 2021 5:24 PM

I went on Facebook to find a guy I was crushing on in Jr. High. He weighs about 800 pounds now and he's cross eyed. Serious. He wasn't cross eyed when I knew him. Well, he had a slight astigmatism back then but hardly noticeable.

by Anonymousreply 35January 21, 2021 5:27 PM

Nothing horrifying, but I started researching exes over the past few months. It was a very fun exercise.

One trend I find interesting—four of them are all married to black men now. I am white and they are all white, too. I may be an out of touch middle aged white guy, but both marriage and interracial coupling still seem infrequent to me. I haven’t done a proper study. So, I can’t provide an accurate denominator. It was more—I wonder what so and so is up to.

by Anonymousreply 36January 21, 2021 5:49 PM

A few years ago I looked up the first guy I ever fucked at age 15. I honestly figured he would be an early victim of HIV since he was so sexually active. But he's still around, doing dinner theater in Florida, and married to a woman, which is unbelievable.

Another I had sex with some from age 16-17 went full trans and lives in Harrisburg PA?

by Anonymousreply 37January 21, 2021 6:00 PM

Yes. This guy about 20 years ago. Dodged a bullet on this one.

He’s smart but clearly has gotten that same mental illness that affects so many Trumpers.

He was fluent in Spanish because he visited Central America so much but his accent was so bad he should stick to English.

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