How do you wipe your butts?

Hybrid. I sit for toilet paper wipe and then stand for the wet wipe finish.

With one finger.

Could you post a link to this alleged Instagram poll?

For the cunt at R3

Are you GGG?

Scat queen OP didn't you do this same thread recently?

I knew I’d get called a scat queen for posting this 😂

But no I didn’t.

I use him..

What??? OP. Come on. Seriously. WHY would you stand up to wipe? When you are seated your cheeks are spread and you can clean most effectively and efficiently. Why on earth would you stand up, whereby, your cheeks will close and you will have less access to "main exit"? What a fucking weirdo.

I use a bidet and pat dry seated.

Because I Stand up and bend over. I cannot fathom how you’d even logically do it while seated.

I take a CRAP. Wipe my ass ( sitting down) with toilet paper , then I get up and dip three q tips in WITCH HAZEL and rub them up and down my crack. It disinfects and prevents HEMROIDS.

My mind is blown too OP. I had ever given this any thought and I have stood up all my life. Never even occurred to me that there was an alternative.

Op you forgot, do you wipe from to back or back to front.

I stand and don’t bend over. Never had any problems or skid marks.

omfg R13, lmfao!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣

Thank you 🙏🏼

Stand to wipe = bottom

R16 - agreed. You just keep wiping until it's gone.

The act of standing up can actually push a little bit more out. Plus I don't want to stick my hand inside a toilet bowl - gross. Particularly a public toilet.

Sitting and wiping is just weird and unsanitary.

Let the flame wars BEGIN!

R19 I never even thought to sit down, never knew anyone did but now I am laying in bed imagining how it works and imagining my hand bumping against the rim of the toilet bowl or the bowl itself. I'll have to give it a try in the morning because I can't visualize how this sitting works.

i stand up and wipe with a brillo pad and then spray with lysol

Wait. I think some of you are just misspeaking. There's a difference between fully "standing up" vs. lifting your butt off of / slightly elevating your butt off of the seat while remaining in a crouched position.

R20 I have tried to visualise it also and attempted it based on how I visualised it. still couldn’t do it. So baffled.

[quote] Why on earth would you stand up, whereby, your cheeks will close and you will have less access to "main exit"?

He stands up and then his mom comes in and wipes for him

My poop’s so firm and slides out so efficiently that I don’t have to wipe.

R25 - I know that's a joke - but that's not THAT far from the truth if you have a good diet.

If you eat a shitty diet - expect shitty things to happen on the way out.

R22 - I don't know about the others, but I fully stand up and then bend over slightly to wipe. I'm not going to crotch over a toilet and get god knows what on my shirt trying to shove my arm down between my ass and the toilet seat.

You sly troll, you

On reflection - do you think this may be based on female experience? They wipe on the seat after urinating, then probably do the same - just switch to do the back for poop. And then they teach their kids to do the same?

My dad taught me to stand up to wipe. (I'm a male).

R26 - Oh I do a full George Costanza. I'm not wearing a stitch when I'm on the john.

Women usually urinate and defecate at the same sitting. Standing to wipe for either act could result in some nasty dripping!

Most women I know tell me they don’t ever sit to pee in a public toilet. They stand/slightly squat, wipe and get out of there ASAP before someone tries to open the door or someone’s kid puts his head under the door gap. They have some funny stories about standing up, holding the door closed and holding the handbag to keep it off the floor. Unless someone had a medical issue I can’t imagine they are leaking. I stand to wipe and have never leaked poop and if I did I’d be changing my diet ASAP and seeing a doctor.

I won’t comment on my wiping methods but I would like to add something. I always remove my shirt (or whatever I’m wearing up top) when I poop. I don’t like the shit smell wafting up and marinating into my clothes causing me to walk around smelling like fart for the next 15 minutes. I’ve tried flushing as I’m pooping to see if that was better but the only thing worse than smelling like a fart is getting your bare ass sprayed with toilet water during the flushing process.

I stand with her (OP)!

I use a wet wipe, and then I sort of twerk myself dry.

I wash. Also, R26 is right - a good diet means you have much less to clean up, and in addition you are very regular and go first thing in the morning, so never need to worry about going when out of the house. At least that's my experience.

I only have one butt

R31, First of all, yes, women sometimes squat over public toilets (which weren't the topic, but...) because they're not clever enough to place toilet paper on the seat as a germ barrier.

Secondly, you must know only women who haven't reached Medicare age (why do you think they make "Depends"?).

Finally, it makes no sense anatomically to stand up to wipe, increasing the distance between hand and butt.

Most people who stand up to wipe have alligator arms.

I won’t stand for this!

I go outside and slide my ass across the lawn. Animals have a lot to teach us.

With my Japanese robot toilet, I don’t have to wipe.

Hello Tushy!!

It actually baffles me that those Japanese toilets haven't caught on in more of the world.

I have a dog.

I don’t even know how you can wipe sitting down, I mean you must have to struggle to get your hand and toilet paper into the bowl whilst still sitting on it. I just stand but remain squatted over the bowl. And I can’t believe I’m even answering this. What has my life become.

I stand up and walk to the sink, because I like to add a lil' water on some of my initial wipes.

I wipe the doo doos off my ass by standing up.

Do the standers have big fat butts? It's not difficult to lean forward a bit while remaining seated.

From back to front.

But now I have a yeast infection.

:-(

How overweight are you? There should be more than enough space between the back of your ass and the toilet bowl rim.

Also, you bend over while sitting down of course, lifting your asshole in the process, leaving even more space between your ass and the toilet bowl rim.

You spread your ass cheeks by positioning them on the toilet seat and thus have perfectly clear and full access to wipe... unless you’re very overweight. Bit if you’re overweight, it makes even less sense to stand up to wipe. I’d wholeheartedly recommend to take a good long shower after pooping if you can’t reach your ass while sitting on the toilet.

[quote]First of all, yes, women sometimes squat over public toilets (which weren't the topic, but...) because they're not clever enough to place toilet paper on the seat as a germ barrier.

Dumbass R37 aparently has no idea how it looks underneath toilet seats in public bathrooms. Also toilet paper is hardly a germ barrier.

OP, I stand up then squat down Turkish style over your father's greedy lips.

How is this so complicated? As R50 says, you just need to lean forward. I do squats. I have a pretty big ass. I have no issue leaning forward (without standing up) to wipe. And, no, it doesn't require me putting my hand IN the toilet bowl. Honestly, I don't know how some of you have made it to old age.

R51 yes but since women squat and hover, their toilet seats are actually full of shit and piss, unlike male public toilet seats. So it’s a vicious cycle.

I lean forward. Not completely stand. I may elevate myself more, but I do raise off the toilet, lean forward, spread cheeks with other hand then wipe back to front until clean.

I can’t imagine reaching down into the bowl and possibly getting my hand in shit water. That’s just gross.

I use my crapping stick with a rag attached and give my hoo-haw a thorough scrubbing! Then I cross my fingers and hope all's clear!

R56 - actually, people that size do have to use a stick. It's not talked about much.

I use a hook or a stick. Why do you ask, OP?

R55: my thoughts exactly! Any civilized person PARTIALLY stands while cleaning themselves. Don’t worry, cheeks are sufficiently spread. Sitting is just gross and way too close to poo water.

I use the word doo doos. Not shit or poo. Doo doos.

I drink so much I usually piss out my ass, so I just use a window squeegee! Elevate and scraaaaaape down in one savage swipe!

R60- I say DOOTIE

If you don’t stand, how do you check your work?

with gravitass.

I found out about some people standing to wipe about a year ago and to this day am not 100% convinced this isn't some global conspiracy to get me to believe something insane.

Standing?? To wipe your ass? whyyyyyyyyyyyy

And no, I have never once got my hand in the fucking toilet water.

I rise but someone else does whatever is involved, in a bowing position.

I never go near that. Disgusting. You're nasty. People who are powerful and the smartest don't have your problems.

I use a bidet. Then stand up to dry with paper.

Way too easy.

I can't get over the number of people in the thread who think dipping their hand into the toilet is necessary to wipe sitting down.

Chrissy Metz realness

R65 - I'm with you. I'm in disbelief that some people do this. The idea that it's difficult to lean forward and wipe is perplexing. As for being worried about being close to the toilet water. Are all of you standers water conservationists or perhaps living in abject poverty? I ask because I have a job that affords me the ability to flush after dropping deuce. You know, the courtesy flush.

R14 I've stood my entire life, but knew some folks did it while seated. I won't be doing that any time soon. I want a thorough experience.

I'm 50 and had no idea people stay seated and wipe until recently!!! When I heard this I couldn't figure out how a man would do this with his dick and balls in the way! I assumed these people were reaching between their legs and somehow wiping back to front! I now realize it's raising one hip up, but I still don't get it.

I raise up, hover, wipe top down so any dingle berries fall in the toilet. I switch to a wet wipe. Then finish with a paper towel and hand soap. Clean as a whistle! You could eat off this hole! (And some have!)

Side to side wit my licked donut! 🍩

I did a HUGE doo doo this morn. Stood up to wipe. Took about 4 feet of TP to get the job done. The cabbage soup cleaned me out.

I just use a Dustbuster to remove the big bits and crusts, and done.

i am shocked to learn that functioning adults stand to wipe

R77 Do you really think that Chrissy Metz can remain seated while wiping her ass????????

How to obese people keep any skin anywhere clean and fresh?

All clothes come off.

Get off of bowl but crouch low for each wipe.

Start out dabbing with paper. Can’t start wiping immediately because it spreads it around. Then wet wipes to finish the job.

I carefully wipe back to front a few times. I found out I was missing some when I only did front to back. I’m not a woman, so it’s not an issue.

Elbow to turn on faucet.

R80 and you perform said ritual in the grungy airless 1-stall men's room at Marshalls?

Dear Lord in Heaven!

I have poo stains in my undies!

I'm ashamed of myself for it R76, but your post made me laugh loud enough to wake the pets.

I thought you were asking about the paper protocol - it’s a general blot with a twist, dropped with upper inner ass cheek and then lower inner ass cheek quadrants swept towards the central brown spider who also gets buffed until bored.

Chrissy Metz's ass wipe stick:

R51 and r54, What kind of freaks ARE you, going into women's restrooms and looking at and even under the seats?!

And I don't know where YOU'VE been, but even the Women's Toilets in Port Authority, Grand Central Terminal, and MSG bear no resemblance to the filth you describe.

Perhaps you are thinking of the Men's?

Moreover, I can assure you that only a small number of women "squat and hover."

I shat myself after Thanksgiving. Too much corn.

My ass has been itching so much lately, I just needed to say that. Also I ended a 10 year relationship on Friday night, I needed to say that as well.

I often clean my husbear’s ass with my faggot tongue so he stands up.

My neighbors fluffy kitten

r77 - yes, I'm still shocked as well.

How do you move your balls out of the way to get to your hole while seated? Doesn’t make sense. No wonder your asses stink.

[quote] I raise up, hover, wipe top down so any dingle berries fall in the toilet. I switch to a wet wipe. Then finish with a paper towel and hand soap. Clean as a whistle! You could eat off this hole! (And some have!)

Please tell me you aren’t flushing paper towel.

[quote] I shat myself after Thanksgiving. Too much corn.

Hi, Carol!

R93, you just lean forward a little. How is this so complicated for the stander-uppers to understand? It's one thing to have a [weird] preference to stand up. It's quite another to not be able to physically wipe without standing up.

Just having this thread appear on my browser caused an ad to appear within minutes on another site that stated “Never have to wipe again.” I hate having ads displayed based on what I’m browsing.

Why wipe? Its just gonna get dirty when you shit again.

Hawt especially R98

I stand, grab a container filled with the water that I just rinsed my pasta with, dip a rag on a stick into it and ram it along my dirt deviled bung hole while hovering over the can.

[quote] How do you move your balls out of the way to get to your hole while seated? Doesn’t make sense. No wonder your asses stink.

How? You’re asking how? With the hand that’s not busy wiping the butthole, that’s how. Why do you even need to ask this?

I remain utterly confounded by the practice of standing to wipe. I don’t understand what advantage it confers. All I can picture is a person’s butt cheeks—initially spread apart on the toilet during defecation—coming together to mash any remaining fecal matter all over and around the butthole. If you remain seated, your butthole can stay spread open and you clean the inner area better. Once you stand, all bets are off.

I feel certain that men who stand to wipe their asses have a lot more residual fecal matter than those of us who don’t even let our buttholes close back up all the way before we start cleaning them.

I can’t believe fully 1/3 of people stands to wipe.

Forgot to add: what is meant by “move your balls out of the way”? They’re not “in the way” to begin with. We reach directly behind, not in front, from between our legs and past our dicks and balls. Scrotums don’t hang down OVER a man’s asshole.

Do the Standing Wipers have entirely different anatomy or something? What am I missing here?

Where else on the internet can you have a discussion about wiping your ass, fisting and beloved China patterns?

Viv Vance stands up for wiping back to front.

R100 that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Thanks.

“Standing” camp here . Never have done it otherwise even as a child.

But WHY do you stand, R105?

I made a BIG doo doo this morning and didn’t wipe afterward. My ass must smell like shit but I don’t care.

I've thought about a bidet, but the water in the winter is freezing cold. Also, you are supposed to wipe front to back.

I’ve never heard of standing. I just lean forward on the throne and spread those cheeks for a front to back paper inspection. Usually that’s enough, on the occasion that there’s some straggling dirt, I use moistened paper to finish. That’s that.

If you stand and there’s a chunky monkey berry, you’ll squish it making a bigger mess. Plus, standing is so inefficient and unsanitary... flipping around used TP beyond the bowl range.

[quote]I’ve always stood up and bent over.

Bend over?

Bunch of beasts. I cleanse my bungholio perched atop my Toto.

R109, thank you. I don’t understand the stupidity and the weirdness over this. And the standers have the fucking GAUL to behave as though their method is the one that makes sense. I feel like I’m in an episode of The Twilight Zone reading some of their bullshit.

That was, GALL ^^ not GAUL.

Sorry, Ryan, for dragging you into this mess.

Never occurred to me to remain seated. Ever. I stand up, wet the tissue slightly, and wipe cleanly and easily.

And WHY do you reckon standing is somehow better, R114?

Bidet, then pat dry.

Because I'm not a savage.

Don’t wipe. Simple.

Why can’t this thread be wiped? Or flushed away?

R102’s exasperation made me really laugh.

R13 Use a large, disposable cotton pad dipped in witch hazel. Far more thorough and refreshing.

DO NOT WIPE! Why is that so fucking hard to understand. Shit &go!

Who the hell wipes their ass while sitting down? That sounds very hard to do. Also, disgusting.

Stand and wipe, assholes!

Old bit of hoof.

[quote] Scrotums don’t hang down OVER a man’s asshole.

I’m crying...

Always always always stand and wipe. Always!

Thank you to all those who stand up for standing up and making yourself heard. I’m glad to be not alone

I use TP sparingly (2sheets only) and end up with shit on my fingers. Why?

I only have one butt, OP.