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Why do so many gay men use “partner” instead of “boyfriend” and “husband”?

IDK, it just makes me feel like they’re uncomfortable or insecure about being in a gay relationship with another man and so they want to use a sexless word to describe the man they’re with. Maybe I’m looking too much into it.

by Anonymousreply 85Last Tuesday at 11:04 AM

I say “Husbro.”

by Anonymousreply 111/21/2020

I HATE the word “partner” too. It sounds like business partner. So unromantic.

by Anonymousreply 211/21/2020

Boyfriend sounds too high school. Many unmarried straight people have been using partner and at first I think they are gay.

by Anonymousreply 311/21/2020

You’re overthinking it, OP. Relax.

Besides, “husband” and “boyfriend” are heteronormative terms. Why can’t we do something different?

Now I’M overthinking it.

by Anonymousreply 411/21/2020

I always say spouse.

by Anonymousreply 511/21/2020

When guys get divorced they can refer to each other as a "wasband."

by Anonymousreply 611/21/2020

I'm with r4 and reject this push for heteronormativity. It's dangerous and it's unneeded and it's dull.

by Anonymousreply 711/21/2020

People in Europe use "partner" whether they are gay or straight. It usually denotes an unmarried union but not always. Some married couples refer to each other as "partner" and there's no anti-gay connotation to it when gay couples use it.

For couples over 30 "boyfriend" is silly and people who aren't married don't use "husband" for obvious reasons.

by Anonymousreply 811/21/2020

My next door neighbors refer to each other as "my spouse."

by Anonymousreply 911/21/2020

This is my top, Bruce.

This is my bottom, Kevin.

by Anonymousreply 1011/21/2020

I've always thought "boyfriend" seemed kind of juvenile in a way and "partner" too cold and open to interpretation depending on the situation.

I always say "husband" or "spouse." I went on a run of saying, "my guy" for a while.

I once knew a man who called his husband his "lover" and I could barely contain the bile rising in my throat.

by Anonymousreply 1111/21/2020


by Anonymousreply 1211/21/2020

It is nomenclature lag in public.

I had friends, now ancient dead queens, who like The Naked Civil Servant RECOILED in horror at being called gay.


Personally, I get a thrill whenever a man introduces a husband and a woman introduces a wife.

It is what we fought for.

Sure beats Permanent Fuck Buddy...

by Anonymousreply 1311/21/2020

[quote]Maybe I’m looking too much into it.

DING DING DING DING DING! We have the winning answer!

by Anonymousreply 1411/21/2020

OP, "Husband" is a heterosexual term. Why in the world should gay men use it?

"Boyfriend" does have a high school ring to it.

"Partner" makes more sense. My friend. My guy...any of them are better than "husband". Yuk.

by Anonymousreply 1511/21/2020

We literally just did this thread three weeks ago.

by Anonymousreply 1611/21/2020

R11, “lover” was de rigueur in the 80s. I was very happy when “partner” came along.

by Anonymousreply 1711/21/2020

I’m thinking of taking a lover.

by Anonymousreply 1811/21/2020

I just say “my dude,” which my straight male bros love and now say for my boyfriend

by Anonymousreply 1911/21/2020

"Lover" is the only way to go!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 2011/21/2020

I would rather have a partner, but if he were to make less money than me, he would have to be the junior partner. I like that. I want a hustwink to be my junior partner.

by Anonymousreply 2111/21/2020

In the afternoon, r18?

by Anonymousreply 2211/21/2020

r15, husband and wife are LEGAL terms that we are eligible for. They are the foundation of a FAMILY.

Before Marriage Equality it was two people and THEIR children without a legal RELATIONSHIP between the "partners".

Husbands and wives are a GOOD THING.

by Anonymousreply 2311/21/2020

"Lover" was the accepted term in the early seventies when I met my husband. "This is my LUVAH!" I hated it. Partner was dumb. Significant Other or SO came along also too wordy. The terms husband or wife are unambiguous. I use husband as a rule and still get attitude from time to time.

by Anonymousreply 2411/21/2020

Lover sounds illicit

by Anonymousreply 2511/21/2020

lover can be the love of your life, but very often the rapport is one of lust and passion and the relationship will eventually fizzle ouT. People think “immoral” when you say lover.

by Anonymousreply 2611/21/2020

I prefer the term gentleman caller.

by Anonymousreply 2711/21/2020

when I hear “lover” I think of old fags from the 70s.

by Anonymousreply 2811/21/2020

Why can’t we say “this is my beau”?

by Anonymousreply 2911/21/2020

You sound nice, r28.

by Anonymousreply 3011/21/2020

R23 = a true Frau at heart.

by Anonymousreply 3111/21/2020

Tedious thread--trying to replace one orthodoxy with another.

by Anonymousreply 3211/21/2020

R27 hi Lindsaymae! How's it go in' girl? Tough break with that whole interference investigation.

by Anonymousreply 3311/21/2020

[quote]Husbands and wives are a GOOD THING.

I rather be living in sin.

by Anonymousreply 3411/21/2020

My permanent +1

by Anonymousreply 3511/21/2020

^ I would

by Anonymousreply 3611/21/2020

Were I to take a husband, I would refer to him as my smizmar.

by Anonymousreply 3711/21/2020

I say partner as we’re not married

by Anonymousreply 3811/21/2020

I'm over 70, and though I've been married to my husband for quite some time (and together for over 40 years), I prefer to use the term "partner". It just feels more comfortable to me. Perhaps it's a generational thing? The one exception is when I'm speaking with someone in their teens or twenties. Then, I'll take a deep breath and say "husband", knowing that there's very little chance of an uncomfortable reaction.

by Anonymousreply 3911/21/2020

I have a few descriptions depending on the audience- Him Indoors, Rampant Homo Lover, Husband, Partner.

by Anonymousreply 4011/21/2020

[quote] Were I to take a husband, I would refer to him as my smizmar.

Wait, I think you sneezed before you told us what you’d call him.

by Anonymousreply 4111/21/2020

I usually refer to them as hole

by Anonymousreply 4211/21/2020

I always thought it was an old-fashioned term, from days before gays could get married, that it implied a more officially committed relationship than "boyfriend" but before two men could actually be "husbands"

by Anonymousreply 4311/21/2020

I prefer "Permanent Fucktoy."

by Anonymousreply 4411/21/2020

my other half

by Anonymousreply 4511/21/2020

My fuckthing is better.

by Anonymousreply 4611/21/2020

The gay version of ball and chain, is it dildo and ball gag?

He's the old dildo and ball gag.

by Anonymousreply 4711/21/2020

"Ball and Chain" works for both sexes.

by Anonymousreply 4811/21/2020

Hi I'm Lindz and this is the owner of my favorite cock in the world, Donald.

by Anonymousreply 4911/21/2020

The legal protections are a good thing. The concept of marriage, which is a business arrangement devised to pass the woman as property from one owner to another, is fucked. Perpetuating that is fucked. Mimicking straight traditions is fucked. Straight men can keep their gross oppression based "love" contracts. We're better than that. Always.

by Anonymousreply 5011/21/2020

I say partner rather than boyfriend, as it implies more of a commitment than "bf". We're not married, yet live together, so referring to him as "husband" is as logical as calling him my roommate or something else.

When I was younger, they were boyfriends or lovers. Boyfriend sounds a bit juvenile to my ears at my age.

OP I think you are assuming bad things of gay people, simply because they may speak differently. You sound incredibly judgemental to me, for your assumption we're insecure about being in a "gay relationship". All my lesbian friends say "partner" as well, even those who are married. My straight mates introduce my live-in-lover as my partner as well.

by Anonymousreply 5111/21/2020

I say "partner" in the rare occasion I have to use a relationship term because we're not married and we're men of an age where "boyfriend" feels inaccurate,

Other than that I don't see why I need to define something that we embody alone or together.

At least the OP, unlike most of the judicial pronouncers of ignorance here, recognizes she is "reading too much" into it, perhaps. Demanding to apply one's own definitions to another person's statement of truth is the opposite of open communication. Why, if I did that I would have called the OP a cunt based on her thread title alone. Of course that would have been misplaced.


Or am I overthinking it?

by Anonymousreply 5211/21/2020

I hate the word partner and I hate the word boyfriend. The advantage of partner is that it doesn't say anything about your marital status like husband or boyfriend does. My private life is no one's business.

by Anonymousreply 5311/21/2020

For architect lady the words have nuances. I doo sex with partner like man or lady or donkey. Boyfriend give me the presents Today and Husband give me money later.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 5411/21/2020

R53 has stated her marriage boundries and is telling you now because then isn't an option to A.

by Anonymousreply 5511/21/2020

My ex calls me his "special friend", so I sometimes follow his lead and do the same. Most of the time, I refer to him as my "best friend", since he is.

by Anonymousreply 5611/21/2020

I say "He's my PF." Hold over phrase from time in the seminary, when we were discouraged from having "Particular Friendships." Not that it stopped anyone.

by Anonymousreply 5711/21/2020

[quote] My ex calls me his "special friend"

Sounds something like Anne of Cleves.

by Anonymousreply 5811/21/2020

My partner is 67 and he can't bring himself to even say partner. He avoids having to say anything but to introduce me as his friend even though everyone knows who I am after thirty years. He was brought up in a religious family in the south and had to hide it for a long time. I don't take it personally it is engrained in him.

by Anonymousreply 5911/21/2020

It's not just gay men. Rachel Maddow referred to her gf Susan as "my partner" the other night while talking about her on her show.

by Anonymousreply 6011/21/2020

This is my partner Ben. We're not gay!

by Anonymousreply 6111/21/2020

I guess Im an old fag as I always said lover . Still would ,if anyone wanted to fuck a 60 year old bottom !

by Anonymousreply 6211/21/2020

[quote] Still would ,if anyone wanted to fuck a 60 year old bottom !

You gotta pay for it now R62.

by Anonymousreply 6311/21/2020

The word "lover" bums me out, unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza."

by Anonymousreply 6411/21/2020

Dont I know it R63 !

by Anonymousreply 6511/21/2020

If you’re married to a man, you have a husband. Period. Such as, my husband has inheritance rights, my husband has hospital visitation rights, my husband has Social Security spousal benefits rights, etc. I have no idea why anyone would hesitate to properly refer to their husband. Unless you’re visiting some ass-backward country (or particular part of a country). Then for safety reasons, go with friend.

by Anonymousreply 6611/21/2020

Forever Roommate

by Anonymousreply 6711/21/2020

[quote]If you’re married to a man, you have a husband.

R66 Says who? Sorry but I'm not interested in heterosexual terminology. I don't need the approval of straight people.

I'll refer to the person I'm married to as I please.

by Anonymousreply 6811/21/2020

R28 I happen to adore and cherish old fags from the 70s. Piss off.

by Anonymousreply 6911/21/2020

[quote]I'll refer to the person I'm married to as I please.

Yes, you can refer to him however you please. It still doesn't change the fact that he is your husband.

by Anonymousreply 70Last Tuesday at 5:58 AM

I just call him what he is: my cumslut.

by Anonymousreply 71Last Tuesday at 6:03 AM

What happens if you meet someone and talk about your “partner”? They will immediately assume he/she is the opposite sex. That’s why I think it’s better to say boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife so they know straight up that you’re gay.

by Anonymousreply 72Last Tuesday at 6:04 AM

PARTNER PARTNER PARTNER... try and stop me!

by Anonymousreply 73Last Tuesday at 6:27 AM

Anne of Cleves was “Her Highness The King’s Beloved Sister” or something like that after divorce. Just goes to show if you play nice you get palaces, allowances, titles, land, and jewels!

by Anonymousreply 74Last Tuesday at 7:42 AM

Many people who are into light oral and litigation use it.

by Anonymousreply 75Last Tuesday at 7:44 AM

[quote] What happens if you meet someone and talk about your “partner”? They will immediately assume he/she is the opposite sex.

I think the exact opposite.

by Anonymousreply 76Last Tuesday at 9:50 AM

I’m 54 and have been in a relationship with a man I refer to as my boyfriend for 17 years. I don’t like to refer to him as a partner because we live very separate lives. We have gone through periods of living together but have always maintained distinct boundaries. It works for us. We may end up married and living together in retirement if it makes economic sense, and in that case I will refer to him as my husband.

by Anonymousreply 77Last Tuesday at 10:13 AM

Do people still say “better half”?

by Anonymousreply 78Last Tuesday at 10:16 AM

I refer to my husband as my superannuation policy. It has that certain je ne sais quoi, non?

by Anonymousreply 79Last Tuesday at 10:40 AM

"Boyfriend" is a bit teenagery and connotes someone you've only gone out with for a short while.

"Partner" is someone you've been with for a long while (a year of more, for example) but haven't married.

"Husband" is someone you've married.

by Anonymousreply 80Last Tuesday at 10:41 AM

Eldergay here. I honestly still have trouble believing we were given the right to get married.

by Anonymousreply 81Last Tuesday at 10:43 AM

I call him “my fuck buddy” in work settings. Ginny from bIlling really takes issue with that. I’m not sure why?

by Anonymousreply 82Last Tuesday at 10:44 AM

I use husband. It's legal and on paper, we earned it.

by Anonymousreply 83Last Tuesday at 10:47 AM

In states where same sex marriage is legal, what term is used for each person on the Marriage License?

by Anonymousreply 84Last Tuesday at 10:56 AM

I use 'husband,' not to emphasize the legal status of my relationship, but because it's an indication of something more serious than 'boyfriend' which sounds flippant and young in English, and something less corporate or roommate-y than 'partner.'.

'Novio/novia' in Spain is less age-specific than in English. It can be school kids or at least as often adults, and because a great many long term adult relationships are between novios rather than married couples it's heard often in an adult context.

In English there's something at least borderline frivolous about 'boyfriend,' something high school or the guy mom moved into your parent's house six months after dad died. It's frequently got some baggage attached.

by Anonymousreply 85Last Tuesday at 11:04 AM
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