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Why do so many gay men use “partner” instead of “boyfriend” and “husband”?

IDK, it just makes me feel like they’re uncomfortable or insecure about being in a gay relationship with another man and so they want to use a sexless word to describe the man they’re with. Maybe I’m looking too much into it.

by Anonymousreply 85November 24, 2020 8:04 PM

I say “Husbro.”

by Anonymousreply 1November 21, 2020 6:48 PM

I HATE the word “partner” too. It sounds like business partner. So unromantic.

by Anonymousreply 2November 21, 2020 6:48 PM

Boyfriend sounds too high school. Many unmarried straight people have been using partner and at first I think they are gay.

by Anonymousreply 3November 21, 2020 6:48 PM

You’re overthinking it, OP. Relax.

Besides, “husband” and “boyfriend” are heteronormative terms. Why can’t we do something different?

Now I’M overthinking it.

by Anonymousreply 4November 21, 2020 6:49 PM

I always say spouse.

by Anonymousreply 5November 21, 2020 6:51 PM

When guys get divorced they can refer to each other as a "wasband."

by Anonymousreply 6November 21, 2020 6:52 PM

I'm with r4 and reject this push for heteronormativity. It's dangerous and it's unneeded and it's dull.

by Anonymousreply 7November 21, 2020 6:52 PM

People in Europe use "partner" whether they are gay or straight. It usually denotes an unmarried union but not always. Some married couples refer to each other as "partner" and there's no anti-gay connotation to it when gay couples use it.

For couples over 30 "boyfriend" is silly and people who aren't married don't use "husband" for obvious reasons.

by Anonymousreply 8November 21, 2020 6:53 PM

My next door neighbors refer to each other as "my spouse."

by Anonymousreply 9November 21, 2020 6:53 PM

This is my top, Bruce.

This is my bottom, Kevin.

by Anonymousreply 10November 21, 2020 6:55 PM

I've always thought "boyfriend" seemed kind of juvenile in a way and "partner" too cold and open to interpretation depending on the situation.

I always say "husband" or "spouse." I went on a run of saying, "my guy" for a while.

I once knew a man who called his husband his "lover" and I could barely contain the bile rising in my throat.

by Anonymousreply 11November 21, 2020 6:56 PM

"Husbear."

by Anonymousreply 12November 21, 2020 6:57 PM

It is nomenclature lag in public.

I had friends, now ancient dead queens, who like The Naked Civil Servant RECOILED in horror at being called gay.

They were HOMOSEXUALS.

Personally, I get a thrill whenever a man introduces a husband and a woman introduces a wife.

It is what we fought for.

Sure beats Permanent Fuck Buddy...

by Anonymousreply 13November 21, 2020 6:57 PM

[quote]Maybe I’m looking too much into it.

DING DING DING DING DING! We have the winning answer!

by Anonymousreply 14November 21, 2020 6:58 PM

OP, "Husband" is a heterosexual term. Why in the world should gay men use it?

"Boyfriend" does have a high school ring to it.

"Partner" makes more sense. My friend. My guy...any of them are better than "husband". Yuk.

by Anonymousreply 15November 21, 2020 6:59 PM

We literally just did this thread three weeks ago.

by Anonymousreply 16November 21, 2020 7:00 PM

R11, “lover” was de rigueur in the 80s. I was very happy when “partner” came along.

by Anonymousreply 17November 21, 2020 7:01 PM

I’m thinking of taking a lover.

by Anonymousreply 18November 21, 2020 7:02 PM

I just say “my dude,” which my straight male bros love and now say for my boyfriend

by Anonymousreply 19November 21, 2020 7:03 PM

"Lover" is the only way to go!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 20November 21, 2020 7:04 PM

I would rather have a partner, but if he were to make less money than me, he would have to be the junior partner. I like that. I want a hustwink to be my junior partner.

by Anonymousreply 21November 21, 2020 7:04 PM

In the afternoon, r18?

by Anonymousreply 22November 21, 2020 7:04 PM

r15, husband and wife are LEGAL terms that we are eligible for. They are the foundation of a FAMILY.

Before Marriage Equality it was two people and THEIR children without a legal RELATIONSHIP between the "partners".

Husbands and wives are a GOOD THING.

by Anonymousreply 23November 21, 2020 7:05 PM

"Lover" was the accepted term in the early seventies when I met my husband. "This is my LUVAH!" I hated it. Partner was dumb. Significant Other or SO came along also too wordy. The terms husband or wife are unambiguous. I use husband as a rule and still get attitude from time to time.

by Anonymousreply 24November 21, 2020 7:05 PM

Lover sounds illicit

by Anonymousreply 25November 21, 2020 7:06 PM

lover can be the love of your life, but very often the rapport is one of lust and passion and the relationship will eventually fizzle ouT. People think “immoral” when you say lover.

by Anonymousreply 26November 21, 2020 7:07 PM

I prefer the term gentleman caller.

by Anonymousreply 27November 21, 2020 7:11 PM

when I hear “lover” I think of old fags from the 70s.

by Anonymousreply 28November 21, 2020 7:11 PM

Why can’t we say “this is my beau”?

by Anonymousreply 29November 21, 2020 7:12 PM

You sound nice, r28.

by Anonymousreply 30November 21, 2020 7:12 PM

R23 = a true Frau at heart.

by Anonymousreply 31November 21, 2020 7:20 PM

Tedious thread--trying to replace one orthodoxy with another.

by Anonymousreply 32November 21, 2020 7:20 PM

R27 hi Lindsaymae! How's it go in' girl? Tough break with that whole interference investigation.

by Anonymousreply 33November 21, 2020 7:20 PM

[quote]Husbands and wives are a GOOD THING.

I rather be living in sin.

by Anonymousreply 34November 21, 2020 7:22 PM

My permanent +1

by Anonymousreply 35November 21, 2020 7:23 PM

^ I would

by Anonymousreply 36November 21, 2020 7:23 PM

Were I to take a husband, I would refer to him as my smizmar.

by Anonymousreply 37November 21, 2020 7:25 PM

I say partner as we’re not married

by Anonymousreply 38November 21, 2020 7:26 PM

I'm over 70, and though I've been married to my husband for quite some time (and together for over 40 years), I prefer to use the term "partner". It just feels more comfortable to me. Perhaps it's a generational thing? The one exception is when I'm speaking with someone in their teens or twenties. Then, I'll take a deep breath and say "husband", knowing that there's very little chance of an uncomfortable reaction.

by Anonymousreply 39November 21, 2020 7:29 PM

I have a few descriptions depending on the audience- Him Indoors, Rampant Homo Lover, Husband, Partner.

by Anonymousreply 40November 21, 2020 7:30 PM

[quote] Were I to take a husband, I would refer to him as my smizmar.

Wait, I think you sneezed before you told us what you’d call him.

by Anonymousreply 41November 21, 2020 7:32 PM

I usually refer to them as hole

by Anonymousreply 42November 21, 2020 7:32 PM

I always thought it was an old-fashioned term, from days before gays could get married, that it implied a more officially committed relationship than "boyfriend" but before two men could actually be "husbands"

by Anonymousreply 43November 21, 2020 7:36 PM

I prefer "Permanent Fucktoy."

by Anonymousreply 44November 21, 2020 7:36 PM

my other half

by Anonymousreply 45November 21, 2020 7:42 PM

My fuckthing is better.

by Anonymousreply 46November 21, 2020 7:45 PM

The gay version of ball and chain, is it dildo and ball gag?

He's the old dildo and ball gag.

by Anonymousreply 47November 21, 2020 7:45 PM

"Ball and Chain" works for both sexes.

by Anonymousreply 48November 21, 2020 7:52 PM

Hi I'm Lindz and this is the owner of my favorite cock in the world, Donald.

by Anonymousreply 49November 21, 2020 7:52 PM

The legal protections are a good thing. The concept of marriage, which is a business arrangement devised to pass the woman as property from one owner to another, is fucked. Perpetuating that is fucked. Mimicking straight traditions is fucked. Straight men can keep their gross oppression based "love" contracts. We're better than that. Always.

by Anonymousreply 50November 21, 2020 7:59 PM

I say partner rather than boyfriend, as it implies more of a commitment than "bf". We're not married, yet live together, so referring to him as "husband" is as logical as calling him my roommate or something else.

When I was younger, they were boyfriends or lovers. Boyfriend sounds a bit juvenile to my ears at my age.

OP I think you are assuming bad things of gay people, simply because they may speak differently. You sound incredibly judgemental to me, for your assumption we're insecure about being in a "gay relationship". All my lesbian friends say "partner" as well, even those who are married. My straight mates introduce my live-in-lover as my partner as well.

by Anonymousreply 51November 21, 2020 8:00 PM

I say "partner" in the rare occasion I have to use a relationship term because we're not married and we're men of an age where "boyfriend" feels inaccurate,

Other than that I don't see why I need to define something that we embody alone or together.

At least the OP, unlike most of the judicial pronouncers of ignorance here, recognizes she is "reading too much" into it, perhaps. Demanding to apply one's own definitions to another person's statement of truth is the opposite of open communication. Why, if I did that I would have called the OP a cunt based on her thread title alone. Of course that would have been misplaced.

Right?

Or am I overthinking it?

by Anonymousreply 52November 21, 2020 8:04 PM

I hate the word partner and I hate the word boyfriend. The advantage of partner is that it doesn't say anything about your marital status like husband or boyfriend does. My private life is no one's business.

by Anonymousreply 53November 21, 2020 9:08 PM

For architect lady the words have nuances. I doo sex with partner like man or lady or donkey. Boyfriend give me the presents Today and Husband give me money later.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 54November 21, 2020 9:09 PM

R53 has stated her marriage boundries and is telling you now because then isn't an option to A.

by Anonymousreply 55November 21, 2020 9:15 PM

My ex calls me his "special friend", so I sometimes follow his lead and do the same. Most of the time, I refer to him as my "best friend", since he is.

by Anonymousreply 56November 21, 2020 9:33 PM

I say "He's my PF." Hold over phrase from time in the seminary, when we were discouraged from having "Particular Friendships." Not that it stopped anyone.

by Anonymousreply 57November 21, 2020 10:26 PM

[quote] My ex calls me his "special friend"

Sounds something like Anne of Cleves.

by Anonymousreply 58November 21, 2020 10:51 PM

My partner is 67 and he can't bring himself to even say partner. He avoids having to say anything but to introduce me as his friend even though everyone knows who I am after thirty years. He was brought up in a religious family in the south and had to hide it for a long time. I don't take it personally it is engrained in him.

by Anonymousreply 59November 21, 2020 11:06 PM

It's not just gay men. Rachel Maddow referred to her gf Susan as "my partner" the other night while talking about her on her show.

by Anonymousreply 60November 21, 2020 11:14 PM

This is my partner Ben. We're not gay!

by Anonymousreply 61November 21, 2020 11:18 PM

I guess Im an old fag as I always said lover . Still would ,if anyone wanted to fuck a 60 year old bottom !

by Anonymousreply 62November 21, 2020 11:47 PM

[quote] Still would ,if anyone wanted to fuck a 60 year old bottom !

You gotta pay for it now R62.

by Anonymousreply 63November 21, 2020 11:49 PM

The word "lover" bums me out, unless it's between the words "meat" and "pizza."

by Anonymousreply 64November 21, 2020 11:51 PM

Dont I know it R63 !

by Anonymousreply 65November 21, 2020 11:52 PM

If you’re married to a man, you have a husband. Period. Such as, my husband has inheritance rights, my husband has hospital visitation rights, my husband has Social Security spousal benefits rights, etc. I have no idea why anyone would hesitate to properly refer to their husband. Unless you’re visiting some ass-backward country (or particular part of a country). Then for safety reasons, go with friend.

by Anonymousreply 66November 22, 2020 12:03 AM

Forever Roommate

by Anonymousreply 67November 22, 2020 12:06 AM

[quote]If you’re married to a man, you have a husband.

R66 Says who? Sorry but I'm not interested in heterosexual terminology. I don't need the approval of straight people.

I'll refer to the person I'm married to as I please.

by Anonymousreply 68November 22, 2020 12:09 AM

R28 I happen to adore and cherish old fags from the 70s. Piss off.

by Anonymousreply 69November 22, 2020 12:15 AM

[quote]I'll refer to the person I'm married to as I please.

Yes, you can refer to him however you please. It still doesn't change the fact that he is your husband.

by Anonymousreply 70November 24, 2020 2:58 PM

I just call him what he is: my cumslut.

by Anonymousreply 71November 24, 2020 3:03 PM

What happens if you meet someone and talk about your “partner”? They will immediately assume he/she is the opposite sex. That’s why I think it’s better to say boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife so they know straight up that you’re gay.

by Anonymousreply 72November 24, 2020 3:04 PM

PARTNER PARTNER PARTNER... try and stop me!

by Anonymousreply 73November 24, 2020 3:27 PM

Anne of Cleves was “Her Highness The King’s Beloved Sister” or something like that after divorce. Just goes to show if you play nice you get palaces, allowances, titles, land, and jewels!

by Anonymousreply 74November 24, 2020 4:42 PM

Many people who are into light oral and litigation use it.

by Anonymousreply 75November 24, 2020 4:44 PM

[quote] What happens if you meet someone and talk about your “partner”? They will immediately assume he/she is the opposite sex.

I think the exact opposite.

by Anonymousreply 76November 24, 2020 6:50 PM

I’m 54 and have been in a relationship with a man I refer to as my boyfriend for 17 years. I don’t like to refer to him as a partner because we live very separate lives. We have gone through periods of living together but have always maintained distinct boundaries. It works for us. We may end up married and living together in retirement if it makes economic sense, and in that case I will refer to him as my husband.

by Anonymousreply 77November 24, 2020 7:13 PM

Do people still say “better half”?

by Anonymousreply 78November 24, 2020 7:16 PM

I refer to my husband as my superannuation policy. It has that certain je ne sais quoi, non?

by Anonymousreply 79November 24, 2020 7:40 PM

"Boyfriend" is a bit teenagery and connotes someone you've only gone out with for a short while.

"Partner" is someone you've been with for a long while (a year of more, for example) but haven't married.

"Husband" is someone you've married.

by Anonymousreply 80November 24, 2020 7:41 PM

Eldergay here. I honestly still have trouble believing we were given the right to get married.

by Anonymousreply 81November 24, 2020 7:43 PM

I call him “my fuck buddy” in work settings. Ginny from bIlling really takes issue with that. I’m not sure why?

by Anonymousreply 82November 24, 2020 7:44 PM

I use husband. It's legal and on paper, we earned it.

by Anonymousreply 83November 24, 2020 7:47 PM

In states where same sex marriage is legal, what term is used for each person on the Marriage License?

by Anonymousreply 84November 24, 2020 7:56 PM

I use 'husband,' not to emphasize the legal status of my relationship, but because it's an indication of something more serious than 'boyfriend' which sounds flippant and young in English, and something less corporate or roommate-y than 'partner.'.

'Novio/novia' in Spain is less age-specific than in English. It can be school kids or at least as often adults, and because a great many long term adult relationships are between novios rather than married couples it's heard often in an adult context.

In English there's something at least borderline frivolous about 'boyfriend,' something high school or the guy mom moved into your parent's house six months after dad died. It's frequently got some baggage attached.

by Anonymousreply 85November 24, 2020 8:04 PM
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