May your pussy never smell fresh again!
May your pubic hair get tangled up with your asshole hall and pull your dick off!
May you never look a day over 95!
Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.
Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.
Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.
Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.
May your pussy never smell fresh again!
May your pubic hair get tangled up with your asshole hall and pull your dick off!
May you never look a day over 95!
by Anonymous | reply 109 | February 14, 2021 8:54 PM |
May you get raped by Scott Baio and then get AIDS from Danny Pintauro.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | November 18, 2020 12:01 AM |
May your bottoms NEVER clean out properly!
by Anonymous | reply 2 | November 18, 2020 12:18 AM |
May your pasta always cling to your strainer.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | November 18, 2020 12:19 AM |
May you always put the fabric softener next to the aluminum foil!
by Anonymous | reply 4 | November 18, 2020 12:20 AM |
[quote] May you always put the fabric softener next to the aluminum foil!
?
by Anonymous | reply 5 | November 18, 2020 12:25 AM |
They were put next to each other in a grocery store scene in a season 2 episode.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | November 18, 2020 12:26 AM |
May your pussy never be eaten out again!
by Anonymous | reply 7 | November 18, 2020 1:13 AM |
May you shove your dildo so far up your ass it goes to your throat and chokes you to death!
by Anonymous | reply 8 | November 18, 2020 2:06 AM |
Ah yes, R6, the Pounce fabric softener that looked a lot like Bounce fabric softener.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | November 18, 2020 3:05 AM |
May you always get shit in your mouth whenever you eat ass!
by Anonymous | reply 10 | November 18, 2020 3:07 AM |
May every movie you ever try to watch turn out to be Lucy's Mame!
by Anonymous | reply 11 | November 18, 2020 3:08 AM |
May every man you try to date espouse the benefits of President Trump!
by Anonymous | reply 12 | November 18, 2020 3:11 AM |
May your apostrophes disappear when they should appear and appear when they shouldn’t!
by Anonymous | reply 13 | November 18, 2020 3:27 AM |
May you always look as old as you actually are!
by Anonymous | reply 14 | November 18, 2020 3:28 AM |
[quote]May every movie you ever try to watch turn out to be Lucy's Mame!
May every movie you direct become Can't Stop the Music.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | November 18, 2020 3:29 AM |
May you shit your pants whenever you think you only have to fart!
by Anonymous | reply 16 | November 18, 2020 3:30 AM |
May your thread get locked by Muriel!
by Anonymous | reply 17 | November 18, 2020 3:38 AM |
May your house be made fun of on a Tasteful Friends thread after you put it up for sale!
by Anonymous | reply 18 | November 18, 2020 3:40 AM |
May you have to move to flyover land and live in a spacious colonial two story.
by Anonymous | reply 19 | November 18, 2020 3:46 AM |
May every Golden Girls episode you watch be the Empty Nest pilot!
by Anonymous | reply 20 | November 18, 2020 3:48 AM |
May your ass get so fat it cracks a toilet seat!
by Anonymous | reply 21 | November 18, 2020 3:49 AM |
May you end up buying a hotel the same year as a major hurricane!
by Anonymous | reply 22 | November 18, 2020 3:55 AM |
May your franken vag close up after forgetting to dilate and drinking a 24 pack Of natty!
by Anonymous | reply 23 | November 18, 2020 5:25 AM |
May you get twat cancer for dying your pussy hairs to match the drapes.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | November 18, 2020 7:53 AM |
May your back grow hair thicker than Jerry Vale's!
by Anonymous | reply 25 | November 18, 2020 12:12 PM |
May someone kick you in the cunt with superglue on their soles and they can't get their shoe off!
by Anonymous | reply 26 | November 18, 2020 12:33 PM |
May your underwear catch fire after you fart in front of an open flame!
by Anonymous | reply 27 | November 18, 2020 12:37 PM |
May your caftan suffocate you when pulling it up for whoring!
by Anonymous | reply 28 | November 18, 2020 12:42 PM |
May you lose your tampon and have to borrow one from Jessica Yaniv!
by Anonymous | reply 29 | November 18, 2020 4:26 PM |
May your real daughter turn out to be Gina so SHE can put you into Shady Pines!
by Anonymous | reply 30 | November 18, 2020 4:42 PM |
May your earrings never match your caftan!
May you lose your looks as fast as Coco disappeared from Season 1!
by Anonymous | reply 31 | November 18, 2020 4:47 PM |
May you suffer a Charley Horse any time you attempt to do Windshield Wipers!
by Anonymous | reply 32 | November 18, 2020 8:43 PM |
May your bladder fall down through your pussy and drag the floor while you walk.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | November 18, 2020 10:11 PM |
May your pencil break on the sixth number.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | November 18, 2020 10:14 PM |
May you be tied to your bed and forced to watch the entire series of "Designing Women" without sleeping.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | November 18, 2020 10:44 PM |
R35 I’d like that!
by Anonymous | reply 36 | November 18, 2020 10:45 PM |
That includes the Julia Duffy and Judith Ivey seasons, r36.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | November 18, 2020 10:51 PM |
I like the Julia Dufy season and tolerate the lady Judith Ivey one!
by Anonymous | reply 38 | November 18, 2020 11:11 PM |
May the corn you eat for dinner always make a repeat visit!
by Anonymous | reply 39 | November 18, 2020 11:14 PM |
May your last meal be a bacon, lettuce and potato sandwich!
by Anonymous | reply 40 | November 18, 2020 11:15 PM |
May all your tricks savagely critique the contents of your refrigerator!
by Anonymous | reply 41 | November 18, 2020 11:15 PM |
May Emily Murphy abscond with all your Hostess Snack Cakes!
by Anonymous | reply 42 | November 18, 2020 11:16 PM |
May your polenta be good only for stucco.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | November 18, 2020 11:17 PM |
May your eyebrows always look like Wilford Brimleys!
by Anonymous | reply 44 | November 18, 2020 11:17 PM |
May your hearing aid always squeal.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | November 18, 2020 11:19 PM |
May a toothless yak gum your grandmother's Wheat Thins!
by Anonymous | reply 46 | November 18, 2020 11:19 PM |
May your meathooks never be able to GRAB THAT DOUGH!
by Anonymous | reply 47 | November 18, 2020 11:21 PM |
May the results of Frieda Claxton's prune danish end up under your pillow!
by Anonymous | reply 48 | November 18, 2020 11:22 PM |
May your pesto sauce only be used as ear salve!
by Anonymous | reply 49 | November 18, 2020 11:33 PM |
May the boil on your butt pop and end up in your bowl of Nabisco Ziti O's!
by Anonymous | reply 50 | November 18, 2020 11:49 PM |
May you find out the truth - that you are really an old Jewish lady and just playing an old Italian lady on tv.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | November 18, 2020 11:49 PM |
May you walk in on Rose and her boyfriend Miles and realize that he's your supposedly late husband Carmine!
by Anonymous | reply 52 | November 18, 2020 11:51 PM |
May you answer the door and be greeted by Larry, his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | November 18, 2020 11:53 PM |
May you eat the corn out of my shit!
by Anonymous | reply 54 | November 18, 2020 11:54 PM |
May you wake up and discover that you now talk like Fran Drescher.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | November 18, 2020 11:58 PM |
May you wake up in bed with Donald Trump and he says "This is too sick, even for me."
by Anonymous | reply 56 | November 19, 2020 12:02 AM |
May you choke on the raunchy odors wafting out of my pussy and asshole!
by Anonymous | reply 57 | November 19, 2020 12:08 AM |
May your next shit look like chipped beef on lightly toasted bread!
by Anonymous | reply 58 | November 19, 2020 12:09 AM |
May you get stuck on an airplane showing [italic]Leonard Part 6[/italic] and [italic]Ishtar[/italic].
by Anonymous | reply 59 | November 19, 2020 12:11 AM |
R59 And Arthur II on the return flight.
by Anonymous | reply 60 | November 19, 2020 12:36 AM |
May your blue rinse stain all your towels!
by Anonymous | reply 61 | November 19, 2020 1:01 AM |
May your fat ass fall asleep on the couch and get fused to it!
by Anonymous | reply 62 | November 19, 2020 2:21 AM |
May your Chanel #5 turn into a painted rock that makes you impotent.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | November 19, 2020 2:29 AM |
May a goat shit on your dead husband's grave!
by Anonymous | reply 64 | November 19, 2020 3:29 AM |
May your brassiere elastic snap and you breasts drop like cannon balls!
by Anonymous | reply 65 | November 19, 2020 3:33 AM |
May you mix up your Vagisil and your DentureGrip!
by Anonymous | reply 66 | November 19, 2020 3:42 AM |
May your shitbra snap while swinging it!
by Anonymous | reply 67 | November 19, 2020 6:11 AM |
[quote] May you get stuck on an airplane showing Leonard Part 6 and Ishtar.
You fucked that one up. It should be Three Amigos, with a headset.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | November 19, 2020 9:58 AM |
May you die in a greese fire!
by Anonymous | reply 69 | November 19, 2020 1:51 PM |
May all your grindr hook ups be FtM!
by Anonymous | reply 70 | November 19, 2020 1:52 PM |
[quote]May you die in a greese fire!
May you hear "oh dear" every day for the rest of your wretched life!
by Anonymous | reply 71 | November 19, 2020 1:54 PM |
May the sewers of Rangoon back up into your bidet!
by Anonymous | reply 72 | November 19, 2020 2:06 PM |
May you get stuck in an elevator with Shelley Long!
by Anonymous | reply 73 | November 19, 2020 2:09 PM |
They have this big-ish house but have no dining area, always eat in the kitchen. Or maybe I'm wrong.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | November 19, 2020 2:14 PM |
R74 Their dining area for those nice Miami sunny days was the lanai.
by Anonymous | reply 75 | November 19, 2020 2:16 PM |
May your foreskin never be free of smegma!
May you spend your career in a cubicle with fat fraus in yoga pants!
by Anonymous | reply 76 | November 19, 2020 3:11 PM |
R70 = Gil Kessler
by Anonymous | reply 77 | November 19, 2020 10:05 PM |
May all of your showers involve your naked daughter Dorothy coming up behind you...
by Anonymous | reply 78 | November 21, 2020 4:03 AM |
May all of your Prince cassettes be taped over with Rose's St. Olaf stories!!!
by Anonymous | reply 79 | November 21, 2020 4:08 AM |
May Nurse DeFarge mix up all of your medications!!!
by Anonymous | reply 80 | November 21, 2020 4:10 AM |
May Freida Claxton never offer you a prune danish.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | November 21, 2020 6:40 AM |
May Mother Zbornak's copy of "The Artwork of Adolph Hitler* end up in your Christmas stocking.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | November 21, 2020 2:07 PM |
May you never be able to walk ANY month of the year!
by Anonymous | reply 83 | November 21, 2020 4:44 PM |
May your pepperoni always sink, not swim.
by Anonymous | reply 84 | November 21, 2020 4:59 PM |
May your herring always be shot into a tree then eaten by Count Bessie!
by Anonymous | reply 85 | November 21, 2020 5:01 PM |
May you be a guest on [italic]The Tonight Show[/italic] when Johnny's not hosting!
by Anonymous | reply 86 | November 22, 2020 3:09 AM |
May you have to read endless threads about a shitty sitcom!
by Anonymous | reply 87 | November 22, 2020 10:42 AM |
May your posts always receive Flames & Freaks and never Wit & Wisdoms!
by Anonymous | reply 88 | November 22, 2020 12:40 PM |
May you go to the airport to pick me up and only find my goat!
by Anonymous | reply 89 | November 22, 2020 12:47 PM |
May your neighbor constantly barge in, eat your food directly out of the refrigerator, and regale you with tales of his sexual conquests.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | November 22, 2020 3:15 PM |
Sophia should have been killed off in the episode they go to Blanche's Grammy's plantation and the old Raisin In Sneakers is stupid enough to jump off the room into a pile of hay below. Idiot.
The final shot should have been of the hay bales, with her withered old legs sticking out of them.
by Anonymous | reply 91 | November 22, 2020 4:42 PM |
May Sophia die after eating her own baked ziti.
by Anonymous | reply 92 | November 23, 2020 10:10 AM |
May your last work be a sanctimonious faux-edgy sitcom on Fox.
by Anonymous | reply 93 | November 23, 2020 10:46 AM |
Half of you are doing this thread wrong. You are supposed to be DL curses in the style of Angela and Sophia. NOT Golden Girl referenced curses.
by Anonymous | reply 94 | November 24, 2020 1:22 PM |
May your blown out asshole never be able to sit on a bar stool again!
by Anonymous | reply 95 | November 24, 2020 3:00 PM |
R95 Not even upside down?
by Anonymous | reply 96 | November 24, 2020 3:02 PM |
May you be stuck in a nursing home with nothing but Golden Girls re-runs on TV!
by Anonymous | reply 97 | November 24, 2020 3:06 PM |
May you wake up, go to your kitchen, and find doctor Richard Crenna, attorney Patty Duke, nerdy kids Helen Hunt and Anthony Edwards and senile granny Billie Bird there, and be arrested for trespassing.
by Anonymous | reply 98 | November 24, 2020 3:09 PM |
May every box of candy you open have doody balls in it!
by Anonymous | reply 99 | November 24, 2020 3:14 PM |
May you be watching I Want to Live and your power goes out right before Susan Hayward's climactic speech.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | November 24, 2020 3:26 PM |
May all your men be forever stolen by pint sized harlots!
by Anonymous | reply 101 | November 26, 2020 12:57 AM |
[quote] May every Golden Girls episode you watch be the Empty Nest pilot!
May every [italic]Empty Nest[/italic] episode you watch have Lisa Rieffel in it!
by Anonymous | reply 102 | February 6, 2021 5:46 PM |
May everytime you turn on Buzzr may they be showing Card Sharks!
by Anonymous | reply 103 | February 6, 2021 11:44 PM |
May you be trampled by a Mae West-impersonating Maytag man at a Mayday sale at Robinson's-May.
by Anonymous | reply 104 | February 7, 2021 10:08 PM |
May you be charged for a beverage when you only ordered a Ha-Ha dog!
by Anonymous | reply 105 | February 7, 2021 10:12 PM |
May a lesbian shit on your glass coffee table!
by Anonymous | reply 106 | February 8, 2021 2:38 AM |
May you be a target of cancel culture!
by Anonymous | reply 107 | February 8, 2021 6:30 PM |
May your next-door neighbor look suspiciously like a guy who was arrested for trying to molest wisecracking short black children at a New York City bicycle shop three years earlier.
by Anonymous | reply 108 | February 14, 2021 3:40 PM |
May McDonald's always get your order wrong!
by Anonymous | reply 109 | February 14, 2021 8:54 PM |
Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.
Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!