Let's be the Star Ware prequels!

Star WARS, goddamn it...

I am how liberty dies.

I am bad acting.

I am sand. I am course, rough and irritating, and I get everywhere.

Coarse not course.

I'm the CGI Yoda. The puppet in the backpack from 'Empire' looks more real than me, despite the advances in technology.

Meesa be in deep doo doo!

I’m pod racing. There’s no point to me in the grand scheme of the franchise.

R8, now THIS is podracing!

I'm the Yoda puppet from Episode I, which looks like it should be registering somewhere as a sex offender.

R10, so you’re also R6?

I'm Anakin in Episodes 2 and 3. I'm fucking gorgeous and I waste it all splitting my time between some cougar Senator and the Chancellor of the Republic, an old man with a very bizarre interest in me. Eventually, I get burned out running around, trying to please and save everybody. In middle age, I'll wish I was as hot as I used to be...and that I could breath without a mask on.

You and the rest of us, both, R12.

I'm the Disney-generated bot campaign to "re-asses the prequels" that spammed the internet shortly before Episodes 7, 8 and 9 came out.

I'm WUDE!!!!

I'm the action sequences clearly designed with the video game version in mind.

Watch me glide meaninglessly through the towers of Coruscant.

I’m John Williams’s music hacked to pieces because George Lucas couldn’t stop toying around the final edit of the films after the score spotting sessions.

I'm Coruscant. I am evidently a city that extends over the whole of the planet's surface. How food, water and sewage concerns are addressed is never made clear.

I am essentially LA in "Blade Runner" only boring.

I am a small blue flying mass of Anti-Semitic stereotypes.

I'm Butterfly McQueen and this Jar-Jar character is getting on my very last nerve, Miss Scarlett.

I am the Empire Strikes Back - I am the only film that has aged well - in fact - the only film in the entire franchise worth watching!

I'm an Ewok - Yup-Nub!

R11, the CGI Yoda is different from the puppet one.

I’m the racist, obviously Chinese portrayal of the leaders of the Trade Federation.

I am me, in the theater with my 7 year old nephew as Episode 2 ends and he turns and says to me “This sucked worse than the last one!”

[quote] Eventually, I get burned out

Literally.

R26: Just under the buzzer, Rose.

When I ned to keep left-overs fresh I turn to Star Ware! Star Ware uses the power of force to keep my casseroles and chili fresh for days. Only Star Ware is good enough for my family!

R28.

I’m Aunt Beru, I murdered Lars and faked my own death making it appear that Storm Troopers masquerading as Sandpeople did it. I show up at the very last scene of the last movie to ask Rey her name.

This is my girlfriend Beru, R30.

R11 Nope, not me. Not guilty

[quote] This is my girlfriend Beru, R30.

I forgot to link the holographic projection.

[quote]I'm Coruscant. I am evidently a city that extends over the whole of the planet's surface. How food, water and sewage concerns are addressed is never made clear.

There are oceans underneath the cityscape, food is grown in structures on the planet and there are sewage treatment plants. Many of the giant skyscrapers recycle waste internally. This has been explained in detail in various Expanded Universe stories and articles.

I'm the delicious baby blue breakfast drink that's supposed to convince audiences that Luke lives in a galaxy far superior to our own.

[quote] There are oceans underneath the cityscape, food is grown in structures on the planet and there are sewage treatment plants. Many of the giant skyscrapers recycle waste internally. This has been explained in detail in various Expanded Universe stories and articles.

The expanded universe has also noted that moons also provide resources to Coruscant (or was that Trantor?).

I'm Ewan McGregor and bloody hell I think I'll just have to throw this Hayden kid a fuck to calm him down. The little bugger is all barmy every time he's around me and can't concentrate on the bloody scene.

I'm the endless speeches and talks of treaties and Senate politics that absolutely nobody gives a shit about.

Give me a fucking lightsaber battle.

Fuck, at this point, I'll settle for another pod race.

[quote] I'm the endless speeches and talks of treaties and Senate politics that absolutely nobody gives a shit about.

I did.

We're the guys camping out in line for 4 days to get to see the first screening of Episode 1 at our local multiplex theater. It's been 17 years, dammit, since "Retirn of the Jedi" and we're starving for this.

So Sorry, but this is a STAR WARES thread and I don’t want to see any serial space opera bullshit. No! I expect to see wonderful fucking products endorsed by the biggest of names!

Here, Fuckos:

I’m George Lucas. I created a fairy tale about how big business teams up with evil corrupt politicians to transform a republic into a dictatorship while the institutionalists who are supposed to protect the system drag their feet until it’s too late. I even named one of the main villains after Newt Gingrich and Ronald Reagan. You should have listened to me.

r41 and his ilk who try to make a thing out of a typo are some of the most tedious trolls on DL.

I'm a block of wood. I have more charisma than Natalie Portman.

I'm Hayden's perky nipples.

[quote] I'm a block of wood. I have more charisma than Natalie Portman.

I'm the tennis ball that Terence Stamp spoke to in place of Natalie Portman who was later CGIed in. Stamp agreed to be in the film because he wanted to act with the young up and coming actress Portman.

[quote] Why did you find filming Star Wars “boring”?

[quote] It was just tedious. I’d just arrived in Australia when I got a call to come back and film Episode I: The Phantom Menace. My agent was enamoured with the big bucks. I flew all the way back, because I was inspired by the idea of doing scenes with Natalie Portman – I could see she was extraordinary. She just had it. But when I got there Lucas said, “Oh, I’ve given her the day off.”

[quote] So you ended up talking to a tennis ball?

[quote] It was just a bit of paper stuck on a post. So on the first day – I play the president of the universe – I go up to [Lucas] and say, “Got any ideas? How is this guy?” And he thinks and he says, “Beleaguered.” I thought, “Yeah, thanks George.” I guess he’s a visionary, but a visionary about toys and effects. That doesn’t interest me. I’m interested in the feelings between ‘action’ and ‘cut’.

I forgot the link yet again.

I'm little Anakin's "Yippee!"

Portman showed some charisma in Leon and Beautiful Girls but was a travesty in the prequels. Lucas should have started with anakin and padme older and better cast.

[quote] Lucas should have started with anakin and padme older and better cast.

Precisely. He made Anakin younger in order to appeal to kids. It is inconsistent with dialogue in the original trilogy.

I'm Calgon Jim.

I agree r50. Nobody wanted to watch a movie about a fucking 10 year-old kid. The prequels should've started with Hayden as Anakin and his childhood story could've been told in a flashback scene. Lucas really fucked it up by starting things too early.

I'm Ani. I'm trans.

[quote] Let's be the Star Ware prequels!

Ok, I’m Jabba the Cup!

I’m Admiral Snackbar!

I'm the handsome Maori daddy / bounty hunter Jango Fett.

I'm the young Boba fett. I sound like a sissy girl during the space fight scene.

I’m the ‘higher ground’ that gives you a guaranteed win when fighting with light sabres.

(How many of you bitches don’t understand which are the Star Wars prequels? Most of you it seems.)

R45 Hayden should have been made to ice up those magnificent titties Nomi Malone style.

I’m the perceived sexual tension between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn that made thousands of nerd girls wetter than the famous Coruscant oceans.

I'm Nute Gunray extensive collection of hats.

I'm Mr. Plinkett's reviews, which are far more entertaining than the actual movies.

I'm Natalie Portman's acting coach.

I’m r62’s Star Wars name, Bluuqu Owud.

R45: Or we can enjoy the nipples of his 20-something pounds lighter 'late teen-early 20s' look.

I am Tupper Ware, challenging Star Ware to a duel to the death! Only one of us relics of the past shall carry on to see tomorrow!!!

R65: To cheat leftover food rotting, is a power that only one has achieved, but if we work together, I know we can discover the secret.

[quote] Chancellor Ziplocktine

Tehe.

R59 not to neckbeard, but there is only one body of water in Coruscant, known as the Great Western Sea.

Furthermore, the sexual tension was not merely ‘perceived’. Warrior cultures of the Jedi ilk in our world have all grappled with and problematised latent homosexual attraction and male idolatry, cf. Spartans, Ronin, the present-day U.S. military.

The Great Western Sea is covered by the cityscape.

I'm Hayden Christensen's autism.

I’m Dexter Jettser. Unbelievably, I’m not the worst-named gleep-glop in the Universe.

I’m the then-cutting-edge CGI sets. I looked fake then, and I definitely haven’t aged well. Maybe I need to be re-edited...

I'm Natalie Portman's large ass.

[quote]Precisely. He made Anakin younger in order to appeal to kids. It is inconsistent with dialogue in the original trilogy.

I wouldn't disagree with that. But Lucas also reconceptialized and thematically layered the Saga so it followed Anakin's life: from essentially birth (childhood) to death. The idea was that the films belonged fully to Anakin/Vader across the 6 Episodes, and worked within the idea of Anakin as the manifestation -- and corruption -- of the Force itself.

The idea is great. The execution is hit and miss, at best.

I'm Liam Neeson's penis and I could have made one of these movies a whole lot more interesting.

I'm medichlorians (or whatever) inspired by mitochondria.

Liam Neeson's penis matches well with Portman's large ass cheeks. Hm.

Lucas may be a casting genius after all.

Portman ass on Neeson cock?

I'm George Lucas' pelican-like chin.

I'm the Force!

Obi-wan ass on Neeson cock would be better.

Hm. Never got a good look at Obi-Wan's ass because of those robes. Any good pics, R81?

I wanted to be sand!

Sand was the fourth damn response? How can I be losing my timing this late in my career??

One last shorty Portman fat ass pic. So tiny on top, so wide and womanly on the bottom.

It makes me think of Damon Butt.

I'm played mouse on The Matrix who is now a alien selling death sticks at the bar

R65 does Tupper Ware burp when he dies?

I'm the Jar Jar Binks Retracticable Dildo (TM).

I'm George W. Bush's dyslexia @ R88 (this is on-brand, being 2001-2005, after all).

"Retracticable!"

I'm Hardware Wars, which would certainly seem to involve Star Ware

[quote] Jar Jar Binks Retracticable Dildo

To be fair, "retracticable" could just be another Star Wars Malapropism or Neologism like "Youngling".

This horrible illiteracy is sometimes the 'highlight' of Lucas' writing ability.

That makes R88 both George Lucas-level writing and disgusting Star Wars cross-marketing methods.

I am a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

I'm Natalie Portman's thong. I'm clearly visible up her large crack.

"These are children's movies." - George Lucas

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I’m Count Glamnor Dooku of Serenno, the last notable bastion of learned, pragmatic and progressive-thinking to exist in the Galaxy. The history books do not record that my proposals for a moderate, realistic, Third-way politics were entirely disregarded, and my attempts to prevent societal collapse ignored.

Before my final departure from the Order, I warned Yoda what evil would come to pass thanks to the machinations of the venal and ineffectual Senate; to no avail, as rather than cleanly removing the corrupt agents in power known to the Jedi. my Master in all his wisdom elected instead to purchase a robotic army and begin an aysymmetric guerilla war. Moreover, I warned my beloved albeit misguided Padawan Qui-Gon that his intuitive quest for a Messiah - at the expense of his own dear Padawans - would only bring about further havoc and instability, and could hardly be an apt solution in an incumbent age of technological dictatorship. In the end, there wouldn’t have been a Galaxy left for Luke Skywalker to save, were it not for my heroic sacrifice during an ill-advised confrontation between my challenged Grandpadawan Anakin and Sidious.

All this to say; don’t stick out your neck for ingrates, don’t cast your lot in with mystics, and don’t invite aggravation from the lower-middle class.

I'm death by broken heart. Giving birth to two babies who will now be orphaned won't save me.

I'm the extra that were fired from the set of Phantom Menace because Natalie Portman is a real cunt

[quote] I'm played mouse on The Matrix who is now a alien selling death sticks at the bar

R86, you want to go home and rethink your life.

[Quote] I'm the extra that were fired from the set of Phantom Menace because Natalie Portman is a real cunt

How cunty??

[quote] I'm the extra that were fired from the set of Phantom Menace because Natalie Portman is a real cunt

Atmosphere player!

Now can I be sand?

[quote] Now can I be sand?

Of course you can be sand. After all there are trillions of grains of sand on a beach.

That’s very generous of you, r4. Sadly, the self-appointed DL Thread Police are not so generous. They can’t abide two posters saying the same thing.

I'm the plausible fan theory that Jar Jar Binks was originally intended to be a Sith lord undercover as a dumb klutz, but when audiences hated him he was scrapped along with his whole plot line.

[quote] Sadly, the self-appointed DL Thread Police are not so generous. They can’t abide two posters saying the same thing.

Kill them. Kill them....now.

Jar Jar?? That bitch could NEVER!

I’m blameshifting, hypocrisy, unscrupulousness, and warmongering. I am eating the Jedi Council from the inside out.

I’m the droid targeting system that can’t seem to hit the side of a barn, yet hyperdrive can plot light speed travel across the galaxy with perfect precision so as to arrive exactly where I’m supposed to without hitting a few stars or planets or space debris on the way.

I’m Anakin’s all-black wardrobe. I am unflattering to his natural coloration, too on the nose, and frankly look better on Qui-Gon’s former darksided apprentice Xanatos.

What’s his “natural coloration”?

Dull. It describes his looks and his acting.

[quote] He made Anakin younger in order to appeal to kids. It is inconsistent with dialogue in the original trilogy.

Lucas claims that the reason he made Anakin so young is that he wanted the separation from his mother to be especially traumatic, so as to help explain how he ended up the way he did. It may, however, be one of those instances of Lucas basing a decision of marketing ( (as you say, to appeal to kids) and then coming up with an "artistic" explanation for it. Similar to the way he claimed the Ewoks were meant to represent a primitive society capable of taking down a more technologically-advanced one, when clearly they were just there to sell teddy bears.

As has been said, Anakin's childhood could've been told in a quick flashback. We didn't need a whole movie about it.

Even at the time of ROTJ, the Ewoks were talked about as just being there to sell toys. What a mistake to include them in the movie.

When I saw Rogue One and the epic battle on Scarif, I thought "THIS is what they should've done at the end of ROTJ instead of those fucking Ewoks." An epic battle of Rebels vs. the Empire on Endor as well as in space would've been much, much better than what they actually went with.

They’re just so dense as movies, they have so many layers.

R114 that was great 😆

I'm Obi-Wan, played by Ewan McGregor, the most handsome and delectable Jedi ever.

[quote] I'm Obi-Wan, played by Ewan McGregor, the most handsome and delectable Jedi ever.

To hell you go, R116.

Hello there, R116 😏

Well hello there.

I'm Ian McDiarmuid, relishing the chance to work without a director reining me in! Lucas doesnt give a shit what I do, as long as I do it for his pet digital camera!

I'm having SO much fun! And I'm damn good, too!

[quote] I'm Ian McDiarmuid, relishing the chance to work without a director reining me in!

Ian McDiarmid once said that George Lucas was not an actor's director. Mild understatement.

Lucas is the worst actor's director of all time, R131, he completely ignores the actors and twiddles the technology. IMHO the biggest problem with the prequel films is that the young lead actors are totally lost, Portman and Chtistiansen are terrible and it's Lucas's fault and not theirs.

Funny the lead actors in the first three films got it right, I think that was more a matter of good casting than good directing. Which didnt happen again with the prequels, maybe George had a great casting director the first time around and not the second.

[quote] Which didnt happen again with the prequels, maybe George had a great casting director the first time around and not the second.

He also had his wife who was a sounding board and guiding force for him advising him about scenes and actors. She helped trim some of his excessive traits.

I am the undeniable fact that (some of) the special effects and (some of) the action sequences are quite striking. The vast battle at the end of the second prequel was stunning to look at.

I am also Darth Maul, the only truly compelling new character. My fight with Liam is a thrilling display of peacocking and violence.

R45. I'm Luke, I showed my nipples first.

I'm Rose Byrne. I get killed in the first 5 minutes of Episode 2 wearing an awful wig.

In my next movie Troy, I'll be fucking Brad Pitt.

No, Rose Byne played a different handmaiden, the kind who was with Padme in her apartment on Coruscant.

I always wanted to see a one-off film or TV show about the Queen of Naboo's handmaiden, all of whom were really top security experts, secret agents, and diplomats, with fabulous Nabooian wardrobes! In my imagination, anyway.

I'm Rose Byrne.

Meesa your humble servant.