Let’s Be a Gay AA Meeting

I’m here for the 12 inch a-dick-shun program

I’m the spider web of hookups in the group, everyone has fucked everyone.

I'm the cocktails we meet for after the meeting is over!

Overheard: "I wouldn't pay any attention to that. You know how bitchy fags can be."

I’m the borderline-homeless 70-year-old queen with a frizzy gray ponytail and pajama pants, who has 35 years sober and who still hasn’t run out of things to say about it.

I’m the increased attendance resulting from the closure of all gay bars for 6 months. Never thought about it until it wasn’t an option anymore. Now I realize I need my weekly gay bar visits - which I guess makes me an alcoholic.

I the wobbly table with donuts and other crap food because alcoholics denying themselves booze need sugar to cope.

I’m the one hot guy who comes to a single meeting after a particularly messy night out. I only say my name, a few words, and leave quickly. I’m never seen again, but I’m thought of constantly in the minds of thirsty gay men during a lesbian with wet brain’s seventh share of the evening.

I’m the reason why everyone was dressing up and working out for a month after my appearance.

I’m the lesbian forcefully declaring NO CROSS TALK!!

I'm the ten eldergays hovering around the new alcoholic twink, offering to be his sponsor

I'm the lingering cloud of regret.

I'm the overweight queen and the homely queen with the cans for donations. Nobody flirts with us so this makes us feel part of the group.

I'm the cloud of nicotine exhalation poisoning the room after the break during a 90 minute meeting.

I'm the sugared doughnuts, who keep people craving alcohol.

OMG R10, I have seen that. None of them out gays, but all these old guys descending on a young new guy. I was closer to his age than any of them. So I left him alone in the first couple of meetings. No need to make it worse. He eventually asked me to be his sponsor. I think the sponsor thing is complete bullshit, so I offered to be his friend. Neither one of us go to that meeting now. We do lunch once or twice a week and are both still sober 5 years later.

I'm the partner Gay Al-Anon group meeting down the hall.

We get jealous when we hear our alcoholic partners laughing in their meeting. We never laugh in ours.

I’m the longterm, stable couple that always attends meetings together, whom everyone looks up to as theIr ideal to aspire to. So affable, casually affectionate, and funny. And they’ve both got longterm, double digit sobriety.

Until one day one of them returns home from work, to find the other has packed up and left him. No warning. No explanation. Gone.

And he drank himself to death.

True story.

I'm the fake alcoholic attending every meeting looking to pick up cute vulnerable guys who are out of their league.

I'm the AA fanatic who attends the hard-core straight AA group on the East Side. I keep trying to get elected chair but as crazy as these queens are even they are too smart to elect me to anything. Can't even become coffee maker here.

Sometimes crazy has its advantages.

I am the filter on my webcam so I look halfway decent (or at least halfway obscured) in this Zoom meeting now that we can't have them in person.

R17 that’s so sad. Why did he leave?

I'm the blousey middle aged straight woman who attends gay AA meetings with lots of men in them cause I want attention talking about my sex life and using "fuck" alot. I think gay men are all about sex and saying the word "fuck." Some of the guys buy my shit but a good number think I'm insufferable.

I did the hardcore meetings. The ones where they yell at you and the “old timers”’ have specific seating arrangements. I was thick skinned enough to understand what they were doing with the newcomers.

One day, I figured out why the old timers didn’t want to talk about drugs. It was because half of them were on painkiller scripts. Yeah, fuck your righteous indignation. Get off that shit before you attempt to judge me.

R23, I'm the grossly fat old-timer. I'm committed damit! No one is going to deny me my [two] seat[s] in AA!

I'm the gay guy who only goes to straight meetings. The young straight guys are hawter and I can sponsor them over there.

I'm the sponsor who had sex with the young guy he sponsored and gave him HIV.

I am the monthly business meeting where we argue about the format. Finally someone suggests we only do this every other month, since we really don’t have that much to address... and they make everyone want to kill each other.

R27, that change would take several special business meetings. I suggest we pick it up in the middle of the week!

I am the people who quietly slink out halfway through a business meeting, vowing once again they’re terrible for their serenity.

I’m the stoned guy trying to suppress a giggle while listening to these drunks retell stories from their sordid pasts.

There was a straight guy who went to gay meetings, for some reason. I don’t doubt his straightness, actually. Anyway, he went to the nicotine anonymous meeting someone I knew, started. The straight guy was on that drug, Chantix,, and one time, he raged so strongly. the the rest of us were afraid to even move. I understand he successfully quit drinking and smoking.

I’m the guy that didn’t realize that you could smell wine on his breath the day-after a bender, yet claimed to be sober.

I'm the new guy who goes because he thinks he might have a drinking problem, but when he hears the crazy stories, realizing his drinking is nowhere near that bad.

Whenever I think I may have a problem drinking I check out the people here to feel better about myself

I’m weed. Despite their claims to be “clean and sober,” about 75% of the alcoholics use me every day.

I'm the Oxy 80s in the pocket of r5 's pajama bottoms

[R21]: They were a fixture at a couple of NY gay AA meetings I attended in the mid-80’s. I left New York altogether in ‘87, but visited now and again over ensuing years. At one meeting years later, I happened to mention not having seen them, and heard what happened.

No reason was known, though speculations abounded.

Sometimes things happen, and we never know why.

^^ Why it happened? VODKA!

[italic]Not even once!

I’m “Sam,” with over 22 years of sobriety, who called several of my closest friends in the summer of ‘87, to tell them I was going out. And I did.

It took me over 6 years of coming in and going out, until I was again able to stay clean and sober for a year.

I had been smoking weed and doing poppers for years, but maintained to myself the program was only about alcohol.

I was wrong.

Hi Sam!