Vivian Vance would be on the twenty dollar bill.
How would the United States be different if the Founding Fathers were Dataloungers?
by Anonymous | reply 140 | September 28, 2020 10:32 AM |
The flag would be made of Trina Turk caftan material. With hot pink tassels.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | August 11, 2020 9:50 AM |
An amendment to the Constitution protecting the right to present hole.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | August 11, 2020 9:54 AM |
We would all have the right to Drain our Pasta.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | August 11, 2020 10:24 AM |
There would have been no grammatical ambiguities like the poorly written Second Amendment.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | August 11, 2020 10:29 AM |
There would be plenty of grammatical mistakes in the Constitution. It’s just that Madison would have scribbled “Oh, dear!” in the margins.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | August 11, 2020 10:35 AM |
The US National Anthem would begin like this:
"Thank you for being a friend Traveled down a road and back again Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant..."
by Anonymous | reply 6 | August 11, 2020 10:40 AM |
We’d have public glory holes like Europe has public urinals.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | August 11, 2020 10:42 AM |
Aaron Schock would be president just because he's hot.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | August 11, 2020 10:49 AM |
Vivian would be on the ONE DOLLAR BILL. Because everyone would want to have her picture. And more people can afford a one than a twenty.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | August 11, 2020 11:34 AM |
You would have a first amendment right to smell cookies!
by Anonymous | reply 10 | August 11, 2020 12:18 PM |
People born hot looking would not have to serve time for their transgressions.
by Anonymous | reply 11 | August 11, 2020 12:22 PM |
[QUOTE]We would all have the right to Drain our Pasta.
Al contrario! Draining pasta would be a criminal offense. Misdemeanor maybe, but no, there will be no draining of pasta.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | August 11, 2020 1:43 PM |
We were trying to make this actually happen in the "we need a new place" thread. I imagine the outcome would be similar: a bunch of crotchety queens criticizing any and all ideas without any work ever being accomplished.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | August 11, 2020 1:50 PM |
Benjamin Franklin was a pussyhound, so he's not.
George Washington had no teeth, so yes, he's a Datalounger.
Thomas Jefferson was a fake liberal, so yes, a Datalounger
Hamilton thought he was too good for everyone else, so yes, a Datalounger.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | August 11, 2020 1:52 PM |
Mount Rushmore would include Arlene Francis.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | August 11, 2020 1:58 PM |
Aaron Burr had a receding hairline and held deep grudges against the younger and cuter, so yes, Datalounger.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | August 11, 2020 1:58 PM |
Congressional pages would wear silk breeches and would be chosen for upper body development.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | August 11, 2020 2:00 PM |
Washington was the OP on that DL thread about Royal Tiaras and Crowns.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | August 11, 2020 2:03 PM |
Turkey meatballs is every refrigerator!
by Anonymous | reply 19 | August 11, 2020 2:16 PM |
^in^
by Anonymous | reply 20 | August 11, 2020 2:16 PM |
"Fat whore!" flying at the constitutional convention.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | August 11, 2020 2:21 PM |
We'd still be under British rule considering how many of you are obsessed with Queen Elizabeth.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | August 11, 2020 2:33 PM |
Productions of Follies would be performed every July 4th and Losing My Mind would be the national anthem.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | August 11, 2020 2:57 PM |
Pencils and rotary phones mandatory!
by Anonymous | reply 24 | August 11, 2020 3:15 PM |
There would be over a dozen different American flags and constant fighting over the design elements.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | August 11, 2020 3:21 PM |
Armed forces would specialize in vicious face slappings!
by Anonymous | reply 26 | August 11, 2020 3:57 PM |
The Kennedy Center Honors would be chaired by Miss Warwick.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | August 11, 2020 5:15 PM |
Divine would have served as the model for the Statue of Liberty
by Anonymous | reply 29 | August 11, 2020 5:22 PM |
We’d change from “United We Stand” to
“United We Kneel”.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | August 11, 2020 5:27 PM |
Vivian Vance was only 3-years-old in 1789.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | August 11, 2020 5:28 PM |
We certainly would not have asked that frumpy Betsy Ross to design the flag. Boring!
by Anonymous | reply 32 | August 11, 2020 5:29 PM |
We would all have the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of bitchiness."
by Anonymous | reply 33 | August 11, 2020 5:43 PM |
John Hancock would have been the first President.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | August 11, 2020 5:45 PM |
Our legislature would be non-binary instead of bicameral.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | August 11, 2020 5:47 PM |
Military service requirements would include verifcatia of sizemeat.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | August 11, 2020 5:47 PM |
Paul Revere would have galloped around screaming "Boston, you in danger gurl!"
by Anonymous | reply 37 | August 11, 2020 5:55 PM |
The Washington Monument would...stay the exact same.
by Anonymous | reply 38 | August 11, 2020 6:07 PM |
The Declaration of Independence would have been passed by the Cunty-nental Congress.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | August 11, 2020 6:23 PM |
[quote] The Washington Monument would...stay the exact same.
The Monument is an insatiable bottom.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | August 11, 2020 6:29 PM |
Instead of a declaration of war, the president would yell out "Stay pressed, hunties!" before firing the first shot.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | August 11, 2020 6:30 PM |
The second amendment would be the right to arm bears. Instead of the HUD secretary we'd have a tasteful friends liaison.
Where would the capital be located?
by Anonymous | reply 42 | August 11, 2020 6:38 PM |
[quote] Where would the capital be located?
Palm Springs, of course.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | August 11, 2020 6:39 PM |
The inaugural ball would include a special presentation by Gavin Newsom, who would strip down and jack off for those gathered.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | August 11, 2020 6:40 PM |
The Declaration of Independence would've been the Affirmation of Codependence on Your Overbearing Mother.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | August 11, 2020 6:43 PM |
Lady Liberty would be replaced by Murial.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | August 11, 2020 7:00 PM |
Ambassador to Russia = Rip Taylor!!!
by Anonymous | reply 47 | August 11, 2020 7:02 PM |
For some reason I’ve always assumed the Washington Monument was a top. The Vietnam War Memorial, on the other hand, screams “fuck me, Daddy.”
by Anonymous | reply 48 | August 11, 2020 7:05 PM |
Friedrich von Steuben would have taken Martha's place as the first First Lady.
by Anonymous | reply 49 | August 11, 2020 7:13 PM |
Mental health would be the best in the world because even though you are snarky bitches, you also are some of the kindest, sweetest people when you're feeling like shit.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | August 11, 2020 7:19 PM |
Madam President LuPone would sing her rock opera speeches to standing ovations. She'd be surprisingly good for us.
by Anonymous | reply 51 | August 11, 2020 7:20 PM |
All homes would've been required to have fainting couches.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | August 11, 2020 7:24 PM |
First Annual Purge Night - Fatties
Second Annual Purge Night - Trans
Third Annual Purge Night - Fraus
Fourth Annual Purge Night - Crotchfruits
by Anonymous | reply 53 | August 11, 2020 7:25 PM |
John John would never have gotten on that plane. He would have been elected God Emperor and worshipped by millions.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | August 11, 2020 7:42 PM |
The Bitchfest (War) of 1812 would have taken place at White Parties in Provincetown, Key West, and New Orleans. And the Treaty of Ghent would have been signed in Mykonos.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | August 11, 2020 7:43 PM |
All daughters would be given a container of cake frosting.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | August 11, 2020 7:50 PM |
Michfest would be held on the Mall in Washington.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | August 11, 2020 7:50 PM |
Aaron Schock would be First Lady, but that title would be changed to Slack-Holed Enchantress.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | August 11, 2020 7:51 PM |
So would the "political parties" be the bears, otters, twinks, daddies, sons, etc. and then the lesbians?
by Anonymous | reply 59 | August 11, 2020 7:52 PM |
More like the Left (Madonna fans) and the right (Janet fans)
by Anonymous | reply 60 | August 11, 2020 7:55 PM |
The three branches of government:
Caftan
Leather
Clutched Pearls
The initial set of amendments would be known as "Pointless Bitchery".
And, the nation's capital would NOT be in DC.
Also, the Marquis de Lafayette would have been a pass-around bottom, all for the war effort, of course.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | August 11, 2020 7:56 PM |
All White House dinners would feature Shirley Maclaine serving the FUCKING creme brulee.
by Anonymous | reply 62 | August 11, 2020 7:56 PM |
Zsa Zsa Gabor on the $100 bill.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | August 11, 2020 8:00 PM |
The capital would have to be somewhere on a tropical sandy beach or island.
by Anonymous | reply 64 | August 11, 2020 8:00 PM |
Ethel Merman and Mary Martin's faces would be added to Mt Rushmore.
Marlo Thomas would be made an enemy of the nation.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | August 11, 2020 8:04 PM |
The national bird is a cock.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | August 11, 2020 8:06 PM |
Republicans would be sent to a guillotine.
by Anonymous | reply 67 | August 11, 2020 8:10 PM |
Follies and Gypsy would still be playing on Broadway with a revolving cast of big name stars stepping into the roles every year.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | August 11, 2020 8:53 PM |
The Judy vs Barbra debate would have led to countless duels.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | August 11, 2020 8:55 PM |
The Official National Language = Lisping
by Anonymous | reply 70 | August 11, 2020 8:56 PM |
Ben Franklin would have vehemently denied having slept with that troll, John Adams, in New Brunswick.
by Anonymous | reply 71 | August 11, 2020 9:29 PM |
The obscenity of slavery would not have been constitutionally protected.
Yet some would have signed the Declaration of Independence wearing dog collars.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | August 11, 2020 9:34 PM |
The Founding Mothers would have built the Capitol in half the time.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | August 11, 2020 9:35 PM |
Jefferson would have been called out and sued and Sally would have ended up with Monticello.
Because she was fabulous.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | August 11, 2020 9:38 PM |
[quote] There would be plenty of grammatical mistakes in the Constitution. It’s just that Madison would have scribbled “Oh, dear!” in the margins.
The drafters would blame their errors on "damn auto-correct."
by Anonymous | reply 75 | August 11, 2020 10:03 PM |
The footage of Joshua Speed getting pounded by Abe Lincoln would have been the first Falcon video.
by Anonymous | reply 76 | August 11, 2020 10:42 PM |
The Boston Tea Party would have taken place in an actual tearoom.
by Anonymous | reply 77 | August 11, 2020 11:27 PM |
The Pledge of Allegiance would end with
"MARY!"
by Anonymous | reply 78 | August 11, 2020 11:32 PM |
Each year we would choose a sacrificial lamb to be offered in Dame Olivia's memory. It's hard to rewrite the past, but this year's sacrifice would be a run-off between Lea Michele and Lens Dunham. Next year's sacrifice will most likely be Ellen, but we'll torture here with the waiting period whilst she fattens herself up with more booze.
by Anonymous | reply 79 | August 12, 2020 12:39 AM |
Deep down, I know we'd all be Tories. I'm sorry, but dammit, George III had the most beautiful caftans.
by Anonymous | reply 80 | August 12, 2020 12:51 AM |
The Supreme Court would be a balance of three tops, three bottoms, and three verse who could flip either way.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | August 12, 2020 4:50 AM |
I pledge of allegiance to Cher.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | August 12, 2020 4:58 AM |
The economy would be a mess and you’d only pay taxes if you weren’t in a mood. Oh, never mind that’s now! So the only thing would be that Trump and Pence would be hot and insatiable and would serve the American people.
by Anonymous | reply 83 | August 12, 2020 5:05 AM |
The slogan "Don't Tread on Me" would have been "Don't Fuck with Me Fellas!"
by Anonymous | reply 84 | August 12, 2020 5:27 AM |
All National Parks would be "Clothing Optional"!
by Anonymous | reply 85 | August 12, 2020 5:59 AM |
September 11 would never have been the date of a terrorist attack, but the date would still be celebrated as "Let's Roll Day." Americans would practice various rituals featuring rolls, Red Dragon Cheese, and frolicking games themed "Once around the Garden."
by Anonymous | reply 86 | August 12, 2020 6:10 AM |
Prisoners would have the right to lube.
by Anonymous | reply 87 | August 12, 2020 7:06 AM |
The "Emancipation Proclamation" would be commemorated with a day off work to celebrate "BBC Appreciation Day"!
by Anonymous | reply 88 | August 12, 2020 7:13 AM |
Instead of high schools, Congressional Pages would be recruited from OnlyFans. And there would no such thing as a congressional page "scandal," since the public would be able to follow them there, allowing for full disclosure and ongoing discussion of their activities and abilities.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | August 12, 2020 8:10 AM |
Fleet Week would be a month.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | August 12, 2020 12:41 PM |
[quote]Fleet Week would be a month.
And every bottom would get this:
by Anonymous | reply 91 | August 12, 2020 1:15 PM |
Washington's army would have spent a bitterly cold winter encamped in Valley of the Dolls.
by Anonymous | reply 92 | August 12, 2020 1:30 PM |
"Hamilton" would never have been a rap musical.
by Anonymous | reply 93 | August 12, 2020 1:32 PM |
The Wrigleyville Cumdump's birthday would be a national holiday
by Anonymous | reply 94 | August 12, 2020 1:36 PM |
TV commentators would include The Homosex Man talking at great length about the Hairy Pubis.
by Anonymous | reply 95 | August 12, 2020 2:51 PM |
Sissy's Pizza Bread would be taught as part of sex ed in EVERY school in America.
by Anonymous | reply 96 | August 12, 2020 2:52 PM |
Sissy's Pizza Bread would be taught as part of sex ed in EVERY school in America.
by Anonymous | reply 97 | August 12, 2020 2:52 PM |
National elections would include Speedo competitions to ensure that something like Trump could never happen.
by Anonymous | reply 98 | August 15, 2020 6:36 AM |
All political candidates would have to Lipsync....for their Lives!
by Anonymous | reply 99 | August 15, 2020 1:17 PM |
The presidential candidates would also have to prove they can dance, and one of the debates would be between their respective spouses/partners and preview their ideas on fashion, hair, interior design, dinner parties, etc.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | August 15, 2020 6:31 PM |
The Supreme Court Justices would wear caftans instead of robes.
by Anonymous | reply 101 | August 15, 2020 6:56 PM |
The American Flag would be updated with the seasons. Fabulous designers would compete for the new Fall Look 2020.
by Anonymous | reply 102 | August 15, 2020 9:20 PM |
MDNA would be Mandatory at all Congressional Caucuses!!!
by Anonymous | reply 103 | August 15, 2020 9:32 PM |
Instead of fireworks, July 4th would be about glitter.
by Anonymous | reply 104 | August 15, 2020 9:58 PM |
There wouldn’t be a state of Maryland, but there would be a state of MARY!
by Anonymous | reply 105 | August 15, 2020 10:52 PM |
And there would be no Virginia or West Virginia as the names are too close to Vagina.
They would be Stinkfish and West Stinkfish.
by Anonymous | reply 106 | August 16, 2020 4:23 AM |
Instead of Philadelphia during the Fall, The First Continental Congress would have been held in Provincetown during the Summer.
by Anonymous | reply 107 | August 16, 2020 7:18 PM |
[quote] We certainly would not have asked that frumpy Betsy Ross to design the flag. Boring!
Yeah, the flag would have been chosen via a competition not unlike Project Runway, with Dolley Madison as Heidi and Pierre Charles L'Enfant as Tim.
by Anonymous | reply 108 | August 16, 2020 7:54 PM |
Washington and Hamilton would have lived happily ever after at Brokeback Mt. Vernon.
by Anonymous | reply 109 | August 16, 2020 7:54 PM |
Fleet Week would last a month, and be completely clothing optional.
by Anonymous | reply 110 | August 17, 2020 1:58 PM |
The million men march would have been more of a sashay.
by Anonymous | reply 111 | August 17, 2020 2:46 PM |
Paul Lynde would have been the center Supreme Court Justice.
Cases would be decided on who had more X's or O's.
by Anonymous | reply 112 | August 17, 2020 3:19 PM |
It would enshrined in the Constitution that Senators could attend sessions dressed however they want.
by Anonymous | reply 113 | August 17, 2020 7:35 PM |
Instead of Valley Forge, Washington would have wintered at Key West.
by Anonymous | reply 114 | August 18, 2020 7:30 AM |
Instead of Paul Revere on a horse; there would be Miss Lindsey on Fox.
by Anonymous | reply 115 | August 18, 2020 7:58 AM |
Men would wear long, highly styled wigs. Oh, wait....
by Anonymous | reply 116 | August 18, 2020 8:03 AM |
Instead of "WE THE PEOPLE ..." The Constitution would have started with the phrase "TASTEFUL FRIENDS ...."
by Anonymous | reply 117 | August 18, 2020 9:15 AM |
The National Mall would have monuments to Chrissy Metz and Linda Lavin instead of Lincoln and Jefferson.
by Anonymous | reply 118 | September 26, 2020 12:51 PM |
The national dress code would be a pair of chic hostess pants [the kind you wear when you give smart dinner parties], a black off-the-shoulder blouse, a big crushy belt, and little ballet slippers.
In Ethel Mae Potter We Trust.
by Anonymous | reply 119 | September 26, 2020 1:11 PM |
Much more power would be given to the coastal states. None to the flyovers.
by Anonymous | reply 120 | September 26, 2020 1:13 PM |
People would swear in on this not a Bible.
by Anonymous | reply 121 | September 26, 2020 1:15 PM |
There would be no Betty Ford Center. The go-to rehab would be the Neely O'Hara Nuthouse for Booze and Dope.
by Anonymous | reply 122 | September 26, 2020 1:32 PM |
Patti Lupone would be on the $20 bill.
by Anonymous | reply 123 | September 26, 2020 1:45 PM |
The cabinet would consist of only four positions: Secretery of Blanche, Secretary of Rose, Secretary of Dorothy and Secretary of Sophia.
Cheesecake would be the national food. Flashback episodes would be national holidays.
The three no longer living Golden Girls would lie in a mausoleum like Lenin.
by Anonymous | reply 124 | September 26, 2020 1:46 PM |
The Washington Monument would look like...
Oh, nevermind.
by Anonymous | reply 125 | September 26, 2020 1:57 PM |
We would all have the right to more than just bear arms.
by Anonymous | reply 126 | September 26, 2020 2:09 PM |
On maps, the shape of the United States would be different – Florida would no longer just hang flaccidly to the right; [italic]instead[/italic]...
by Anonymous | reply 127 | September 26, 2020 2:12 PM |
Presenting hole would be considered national diplomatic protocol.
by Anonymous | reply 128 | September 26, 2020 2:22 PM |
R38, R125: The Washington Monument would have more girth.
by Anonymous | reply 129 | September 26, 2020 2:59 PM |
On the night he was shot at the Ford Theatre, Abraham Lincoln would have been attending a performance of "A Chorus Line," as opposed to "Our American Cousin."
(Margo Channing was [italic]not[/italic] in the cast.)
by Anonymous | reply 130 | September 26, 2020 3:16 PM |
Betsy Ross would be given a bit more fabric to work with
by Anonymous | reply 131 | September 26, 2020 3:20 PM |
There would have been no [italic]need[/italic] for Betsy Ross, or red, white, and blue... Officially waving instead: the rainbow flag.
by Anonymous | reply 132 | September 26, 2020 3:33 PM |
The country would be named US-SLGBTQIAA-A.
by Anonymous | reply 133 | September 26, 2020 3:45 PM |
and some sequins for this tired act please!! maybe a female vocalist...
by Anonymous | reply 134 | September 26, 2020 7:20 PM |
The Civil War would be caused by a dispute over Dynasty vs Knots Landing.
by Anonymous | reply 135 | September 26, 2020 8:03 PM |
^ And Fort Sumter would now be known as [bold]Fort Greg and Abby Sumner[/bold].
by Anonymous | reply 136 | September 27, 2020 1:00 AM |
The first right in the Bill of Rights would be short on relevance and long on cuntiness.
by Anonymous | reply 137 | September 27, 2020 1:27 AM |
I’m trying to work out what that would make neighboring countries. Mexico would Mumsnet, Russia would be Reddit, Canada would be LChat, Cuba would be Lipstick Alley...
by Anonymous | reply 138 | September 27, 2020 7:21 AM |
This man would be appointed Press Secretary.
by Anonymous | reply 139 | September 27, 2020 12:27 PM |
The US would not exist. The founding fathers would have been bought of with silk breeches, Wedgwood porcelain, and promises of a fabulous time in London.
by Anonymous | reply 140 | September 28, 2020 10:32 AM |