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We are messed up about weight.

I get that now. All my life, I was under weight. Like a good twenty pounds under weight, more like thirty. I wasn't eating three times a day...there was a Lot of stress in my life. I was okay shortchanging myself. I fit into anything I wanted to. I was slim. I felt good about my ability to look that way effortlessly....even though I was sometimes dizzy.

....I've since gained weight. Like 35 pounds. My metabolism has probably slowed, but I'm certainly eating more. And now, friends and would-be lovers have noted the change. That I have a fuller face. That I look "normal". That I'm "fat". It's just jokes, but still...it's hurtful. Dismissive.

I'm starting to exercise - something I never needed to do before because of under eating and metabolism - and realizing how slowly you get results. And how cruel it feels to punish your body so no one will turn up their nose at you. I'm trying to eat less and eat better...but I'm not a bad eater. So it's a question of working out more I guess. I don't mind that...but I feel like I'm being compared to what I was. Like that was "healthy".

The bottom line is that to look the way I used to again, I'd have to start skipping meals on purpose. Thing is, I'm healthier now. I'm actually within my appropriate weight for my height...!

...but it seems to people that I've let myself go. How weird is that? I think I finally get it. Why so many people have disorders and hangups. You get older, things change and...that's as it should be.

So depressing. I shouldn't feel badly. I'm finally doing what others always did...eat well. Who cares that I don't have abs or as much thigh gap? Is that really so important?

Just needed to say that.

by Anonymousreply 37August 11, 2020 3:52 PM

Just don't engage with people who do that. No one needs to take part in a dissection of looks or weight in real life. That's what DL is for.

The best response is, 'Thank you. I feel really good.' and then nothing more. Be silent for a beat, then change the subject.

If they meant to be complimentary, they'll take it as a sincere thank-you and then drop it when it's clear you're not going to elaborate.

If they were joking, they'll see that you're not in the mood for it.

If they were trying to be cutting — whether backhandedly or explicitly — responding as though they just gave you a compliment blows the whole thing up in their face.

by Anonymousreply 1August 10, 2020 7:14 AM

Oh, honey, just be healthy. Don't sweat what anyone thinks about you. Do what feels right for you and everything else will follow--including confidence, self-esteem, etc.

by Anonymousreply 2August 10, 2020 9:43 AM

Wow - thanks you two :) That's a great strategy r1 and I will use it.

by Anonymousreply 3August 10, 2020 3:13 PM

A helpful R1! We truly are in End Times.

by Anonymousreply 4August 10, 2020 3:15 PM

actually, I had dieted down to around my right weight way back at 14--15 y.o. and slowly gained back about 40 lbs. Then I got off meats and dairy, and began walking a lot and lifting some weights. That all has stuck. I think maybe metabolism slows down enough by the time you're middle aged that you dont need so much calorie-dense, high fat food. I have heart disease anyway, so I'm better off without all the fats in meat and dairy. Oh, and I lost all that weight, in about eight weeks. and kept it off.

by Anonymousreply 5August 10, 2020 3:49 PM

[quote]Just needed to say that.

Okay.

by Anonymousreply 6August 10, 2020 3:52 PM

You were dieting at 14? And you consider that your "right weight?"

Did you stop growing at or before 14? You sound like you have long term malnutrition and eating disorders.

Have you spoken to a professional about any of this?

by Anonymousreply 7August 10, 2020 3:54 PM

It all depends on how the weight is put on. If it is mainly fat and not much muscle, then yes, you would look like you let yourself go.

by Anonymousreply 8August 10, 2020 3:58 PM

America is completely fucked up mentally about health.

There are three groups of people:

1) Narcissists, who try to fit an extreme body type

2) Slobs, who have given up all hope and their only exercise is waddling down to the corner Mickey Dees

3) The tiny minority who actually make simple health maintenance choices on a daily basis, trying to keep a balanced body. This group is constantly harassed by the other two groups for either being too fat or too thin.

by Anonymousreply 9August 10, 2020 4:01 PM

Say, NO, YOU’RE FAT!

by Anonymousreply 10August 10, 2020 4:02 PM

R9 some of us need to make much more than “simple choices” to maintain a decent weight. I have to track my food and work hard to not be overweight.

by Anonymousreply 11August 10, 2020 4:06 PM

R9 - when you live in a country where the whole society is tilted to make you gain weight - e.g. not enough high-quality food options, huge portion sizes, 'good' food is overpriced, living in a car-based society - then you almost do need to be a Nazi to maintain a healthy wait.

I contend that you have to fight against a lot in the US to maintain a normal weight - which is sad. We didn't use to be this way 25-30 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 12August 10, 2020 4:30 PM

[quote] then you almost do need to be a Nazi to maintain a healthy wait.

Oh fucking DEAR!!

by Anonymousreply 13August 10, 2020 4:54 PM

True, r11. Plus, as you grow older your metabolism slows to a crawl. The exact same food in the exact same quantities you used to eat at 25 will pack on the pounds at 45.

by Anonymousreply 14August 10, 2020 4:55 PM

I went to the beach and 98% of the women had considerable cellulite. It was never like this in the 80’s or 90’s. What has changed? Not judging—I also have cellulite.

by Anonymousreply 15August 10, 2020 5:01 PM

What's changed is that women are heavier than in the 90s and 80s

by Anonymousreply 16August 10, 2020 6:17 PM

And they don’t care, either, r16.

“Don’t you dare fat shame me!!!1!eleven!!”

by Anonymousreply 17August 10, 2020 6:35 PM

Unless it's essential that you maintain a certain profile of youthful slimness for your career, I would just focus on staying fit and maintaining a healthy BMI. There's more to life than worrying about how many people want to fuck you.

by Anonymousreply 18August 10, 2020 6:41 PM

The hell you say!

by Anonymousreply 19August 10, 2020 6:46 PM

[quote] some of us need to make much more than “simple choices” to maintain a decent weight. I have to track my food and work hard to not be overweight.

Do you track your finances and work hard to not be in debt?

It’s the same concept, only applied to your body.

Also, that doesn’t sound like an outrageously difficult amount of effort on your part, but if you don’t do it, who will?

by Anonymousreply 20August 10, 2020 6:52 PM

Dear OP,

Please drop dead.

Humblebragging cunt.

You're disgusting.

Love, Datalounge

by Anonymousreply 21August 10, 2020 6:54 PM

I have thigh gap OP.

by Anonymousreply 22August 10, 2020 6:55 PM

When I gained a couple pounds a few years ago, the only person who commented on it was my mother. But that's what mothers do. Cant imagine anyone else saying something.

by Anonymousreply 23August 10, 2020 7:20 PM

R15 - portions, fast food and frankenfood.

by Anonymousreply 24August 10, 2020 9:39 PM

OP sounds exhausting to deal with.

by Anonymousreply 25August 10, 2020 9:46 PM

[quote]A helpful [R1]! We truly are in End Times.

What's more, on the subject of weight with an OP who conceded to ... oh, I can't say it... conceded to not being thin.

I called my broker and put everything in gold and dehydrated food.

by Anonymousreply 26August 10, 2020 10:07 PM

R24 I also blame trans fat and dumping sugar in everything pre-made or packaged. My husband, his brother and their father all eat fast food daily and none weigh above 165 pounds at six feet tall.

by Anonymousreply 27August 10, 2020 10:34 PM

Sweetie, you got lucky for a good long time, appreciate that.. Your natural or accidental body type was in fashion when you were young and single, you were given the gift of exemption from the kind of body image issues that drain the joy out of youth for most people these days.

As for now, well, nothing lasts forever, time is the great leveler, etc. blah blah blah. Yes, you're having a difficult time adjusting to a more average body, remember, most people start that struggle with their body and body image shortly before puberty, and keep it up to the grave.

by Anonymousreply 28August 11, 2020 12:17 AM

Poor OP.

And thigh gap is disgusting for anyone with eyes.

by Anonymousreply 29August 11, 2020 12:23 AM

Girls start dieting at 9 years old these days. Fucking up their metabolisms.

by Anonymousreply 30August 11, 2020 1:07 AM

Is OP a Frau?

Do men strive for thigh gap?

by Anonymousreply 31August 11, 2020 1:11 AM

OP here.

Did not strive for it....but without a gap now, my inner thighs touch, so chafing is an issue sometimes on long walks... that's not fun.

R28, you are right that I was fortunate to be able to keep fat off, but I assure you I hardly did anythjng with that. Once I gained weight, I thought initially "now I probably look more sturdy and manly" but getting a Dad Bod without being a Dad? Clearly, based on some comments I've gotten, that is not as appealing to others.

I need to lose the tummy I'm developing and firm up. I'm just now realizing how much effort and maintenance that will take...those of you who made it happen without getting depressed have my respect.

There was one friend though who told me "you look healthier now, before your face was drawn. This is better - don't worry about it." At least one person tried to see it as a positive.

I was to looking to humble brag with this thread (why...?) I had actually just hung out with someone I was really into who made some comments that indicated he wasn't as into my appearance as he had been before. It was depressing. Thanks to those who got that.

by Anonymousreply 32August 11, 2020 10:50 AM

I *WASN'T* looking to humble brag...

by Anonymousreply 33August 11, 2020 10:52 AM

OP/R32... I get the shock but kinda grow up.

"someone I was really into who made some comments that indicated he wasn't as into my appearance as he had been before" actually doesn't matter.

by Anonymousreply 34August 11, 2020 12:30 PM

[quote] but without a gap now, my inner thighs touch, so chafing is an issue sometimes on long walks

Are you walking naked? Don’t you have clothes?

by Anonymousreply 35August 11, 2020 3:36 PM

R23, I didn’t want to say anything, but now that Ma let the cat out of the bag:

You got FAT!

by Anonymousreply 36August 11, 2020 3:37 PM

R1 is correct. My doctor set my ideal weight for a number I think is still "chubby." Her focus is on a healthy blood pressure (I'm currently taking meds. Probably due to being overweight and not genetic). It took about 3 months for me to accept the ideal weight for overall health vs. the weight I may WANT to be are two different things. Even if I could get down to what I think is slim, I probably couldn't maintain it for more than a few weeks. I love wine and really good food. You can't out-exercise your diet.

by Anonymousreply 37August 11, 2020 3:52 PM
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