My niece is going to have her baby soon and there were no hospital beds available

Offer your boudoir, Uncle Bottom!

Nobody cares about some fat frau cunt who's about to squirt out a useless crotchdropping.

Take your frau cunt problems to Ivillage.

No hospital for Albert and me. Grrrl, we did just fine!

A lot of women give birth on the toilet.

See if there's a prom going on somewhere. Just make sure there's a bathroom available.

Just wait till her poor husband finds out he went into the wrong hole and she’s actually been knocked up by a horny deity.

Look for a manger

Ask Prissy to help.

Plenty of first time moms don’t give birth on their due date. She could be waiting another week. And then they’ll probably just induce her and give her a C-section anyway because hospitals are hurting for $$ right now.

They’ll find a bed for her.

Pull it out with your right hand

I don't know if she can find one now but tell her to look for a midwife, just in case.

R8 I dont know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies ...

They are putting COVID patients in Maternity wards now? That seems highly unlikely!

boring est.

No hospital tells you to check in a few days before the birth.

Yeah, come on down whenever you want

Just give her a leather strap to bite down on and deliver that little sucker on a bed at IKEA.

[quote]More pregnant moms turning to at-home births amid COVID-19 concerns at hospitals

Do she have a kitchen table? Do it under there, like so many (in books and movies) before her!

I've known folks who've been born at home, but NEVER actually under the kitchen table. Who comes up with this shit?

Yeah, why under a table?

Look, these be pioneer days! Gert the oldest to boil some water and have the maid dramatically rip the bed sheet in half with her teeth 🦷, and .....

Find a midwife. When I had my buttbaby, that's what I did. Donnie and I are so happy.

There's a TV show about a midwife.

[quote]See if there's a prom going on somewhere. Just make sure there's a bathroom available.

Or a dumpster.

For the first time, I’m feeling the loss of Livvie deH, and the wisdom she might share.

Here you go.

R14

Apparently she was having some complications

1/10

Only happens in Russia.

Where do you live OP?

She should have considered a global pandemic before she opened her legs to the entire boys theatre department.

And then closed them when there were no takers, and found a nice football player.

She could've just adopted.