Relationship Deal Breakers

#4 I thought of another one. People who are mean to animals. Unfortunately I’ve seen people abuse their pets. Sick fucks:

People who are mean to service workers.

Dataloungers

Dataloungers

Don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass on your way out.

Shrill affectations! No!!!

R6, if it weren’t for those with shrill affectations I’d never have had boyfriends.

Ugh. Minimalist’s homes are cold and unwelcoming and scream “control freak”.

[quote] Minimalist’s homes are cold and unwelcoming and scream “control freak”

That’s me.

People who drain their pasta.

Jealous shit. It’s a neurotic impulse which is unacceptable - it shows real weakness & weakness isn’t good to build a foundation on.

Herpes.

Depends on the minimal. It can also reflect a lack of imagination or a conservative impulse.

OP, you type mentally ill. That's my dealbreaker.

Never mind, OP/R1. But have you had a stroke?

Republican, Mean to animals, Hate children

Racist

Cloying friendships with a clingy frau BFF or circle of gay friends.

Anyone who is an alcoholic, or a problem drinker, or thinks that alcohol is the best thing ever. Half my family members are alcoholics, so you could say I have zero tolerance.

"I'm living with my ex. Temporarily." Sure, Jan.

Closeted—not out to friends, family or at work so constantly paranoid when out with you in public.

Another thread made by and for people who are bound to die single and lonely.

R19 having lived with an alcoholic I couldnt agree more

Ditto smokers, obese guys - anyone that really doesnt give a shit about their health

Also anyone who is mean to animals, and anyone that is disrespectful to service workers, shows an underlying nasty streak

Dont think I'd pass muster with OP though, I like clutter and I am a maximalist, I prefer a busy, fussy overwrought look

I agree definitely no alcoholics

Bring me the alcoholics! The drug addicts! We can date for awhile. Drunks & druggies are fun

Vulgarity, toilet humor, cruelty to animals, tattoos, piercings.

R26 i get cruelty to animals but vulgarity & toilet humor? And you’re on dl? Are you school marm-ish in age? Please explain

[quote] so you could say I have zero tolerance.

Unlike your family, R19.

I agree with everything R26 wrote.

A tiny penis

People who make lists of dealbreakers.

Bad breath. OCD cleaning habits. Too social with others. Leases their car.

Inability to keep a job. Or lots of credit card debt.

Republicans. Hard stop right there.

R25 Sure alcoholics can fun until they hit you when drunk. Careful what you wish for.

Called the police to take away my last boyfriend.

Bad oral hygiene (bad breath, dental neglect)

Bad credit (and no plan to fix it)/shitty personal finances

Republicans/Trumpers. No thx.

One time I set all the clocks ahead an hour (including his wristwatch) and let my drunk of an ex run off to work thinking he was late-

only to find they weren’t open yet and nobody was there to let him in.

My Mom taught me to pay attention to how animals responded to people, not just how people responded to animals. If animals shy away from someone, so should you. And, because I come from a long line of working-class people, most who have worked in the service industry, watch how people treat service workers. I've walked out of dates when my date has been rude to a busboy or waitress.

HIV, Covid 19, AIDS, Hepatitis A, B, C. Mersa.

HIV, Covid 19, AIDS, Hepatitis A, B, C. Mersa.

Watch how babies react to someone (assuming you aren't, of course dealing with a baby who is obviously gassy, colicky or teething, which is normal crying). They can't fake anything yet and they can't have any inherent prejudices so if they are scared or pull away, my experience is that you should too.

R35 just fucking around because it should go without saying that drunks are a deal breaker

Bad kisser

Gives silent treatment when angry/offended

Makes snide comments about my body or style. “Humorously” of course.

Doesn’t take his meds

If I hate their art/writing/music

If he is a struggling actor. (For years on end)

Always looking at phone. Constantly checking out other, attractive people when we're together.

R22 = would rather put up with drunken abuser than be alone.

About 10 years ago, I stopped dating one guy who couldn’t bring himself to get an HIV test. I explained that even if, worst case scenario, he were infected, it was better to know than not know, so he could get treatment.

He said he just thought he was one of those people who would jump out the window if he found out he was positive.

So, that was that. I liked him, too. Was sexy, sent me flowers - -

Being fat.

People with no jobs, liars, and cheaters.

Not single, but if I were, it would currently be:

1. Trump supporter 2. Smoker - I used to smoke and try not to judge, but couldn't live with it at this point 3. Unkind to animals 4. Unkind to any service staff or retail workers, etc. 5. Showy/braggy about their lifestyle - on social media especially - when people "accidentally" show their Mercedes in the background. That type of thing. 6. Social media whores

I could go on.

Rage issues

Rap sheet/arrest record

Bankruptcy/piles of debt

Mental illness

Violent

Owns or wants to own a pitbull

R25 alcoholics are not fun. The problem is that they don’t know when to stop drinking. You stopped at drink 3 when it was still a social lubricant. He kept going until drink 15, by which time he was belligerent, abusive, mean, and sloppy.

My roommate is trying to quit smoking (she only does it outside and I can't smell it the way our place is) and, since work at home is drinking every day. Now she is undergoing therapy to stop and doing a brisk walk in the morning. She stopped accepting a whole lot of potential dates because of COVID and because so many men drink and smoke.

What are "professional gays" OP? Do you mean gays with white collar jobs or gays whose only personality trait is being gay?

Bottoms.

R53 is a dealbreaker

Which part, R58?

There is nothing worse than a knit picky gay guy, r99.

No coprophiles, people with smelly fetishes or disease spreaders.

No animal cruelty will be tolerated.

No jealous crybabies or people that act in their personal lives.

No scrubs.

I think animal cruelty can go without saying: it's a deal-breaker.

IV drugs

Caftans, poppers, lack of deodorant.

R56 - think Dan Savage and his partner. Dan has made a career out of being gay. It is as if he has self anointed himself as out spokesperson and it's a pretty douchy way to act because there are so many kinds of gay men, but he knows ALL about the gay experience of every gay male on earth...a real bore.

Any guy who talks a lot about being a top and ends up wanting to get nailed. You know, like all the guys on DL who can’t stop talking about how they are tops.

R47 are you ugly? Could explain looking at his phone & other people constantly. It reads like this happen to you before

Guys who can't manage monogamy.

R70 real question: what if you met someone who didn’t wAnt to be monogamous? Some can & some don’t want to. Are you a jealous person? Is it that cut & dry? I really am curious. No DL shade

R70 I wouldn't waste any time on him. In the past, I've dumped guys I'd started dating when I sensed they weren't the monogamous type or if they simply said they weren't. No judgment on them; just an incompatibility factor that I'm not interested in overlooking.

R69, I hope you know that's a two-way street. If you can't narrow it down to one, don't expect your prospective partner to, either.

[quote] [R47] are you ugly? Could explain looking at his phone & other people constantly. It reads like this happen to you before

R68, No, I'm not ugly and, even if I were, this would be either stupid and / or rude. If someone is so ugly (in your opinion) that you have to constantly look at other people to cleanse your palate, then you're stupid to go out with them. The rude part is self-explanatory.

I've never actually dated someone who looked at other people constantly, but I've seen men do it.

The phone thing did happen to me on a first (and last) date. I figure if a man's looking at his phone on the first date, it'll be even worse when he gets used to you.

Conversely, it's a turn-on when a man ignores his phone when he's with me.

R73 sounds like a Leo.

If the person was the OP of this thread, that would be a deal breaker for me.

Bottoms the likes of R67 who cannot fathom some of us on DL are TOPS ONLY. Why this triggers you, is odd for one. Second, what makes you so certain we would want it up the coat, just because you have met some like that?

I'll snatch a page from your playbook: you sound like some of the El Creepos I've dated who kept going on how "versatile"they were, and wouldn't put to rest their desire to fuck me, and continued to argue about it.

R75 That’s fine. I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by your collection of dolls and white trash trinkets sitting in curio cabinets.

Catty undeserved comebacks like R77's is another deal breaker. It's hard to find bottoms who don't act out like this.

I'm so glad I met my current partner, he's an enthusiastic bottom, but he's no bitch.

[quote]R76 Second, what makes you so certain we would want it up the coat, just because you have met some like that?

Leave my coat out of this!

R79 You know the drill, yes?

Constantly talking suicide.

Still living at home with mommy and daddy into his 40s, collects barbie dolls, acts like selling crap on EBay is a real job but is always broke, has a small dick.

Starts fights with strangers

Starts fights with me

Enjoys yelling and general unrest

Volatile/abusive relationships with family that they won't rein in/cut contact with, especially crazy mother.

Wanting children.

Wanting to live in the suburbs/rural areas.

Paranoia, especially about cheating, and/or going through my phone/e-mail/etc.

Rude to people in service jobs/bad tipper

Not able to handle their liquor well. I could be with someone who doesn't drink or who drinks a lot, and I'm a fairly heavy drinker by most people's standards, but if you drink a lot, you need to mostly be fun or at least chill when you're drunk, not angry/mean.

Bad with money. That's not the same as being poor. Just not knowing how to manage their expenses/spending and having lots of unnecessary avoidable debt.

R76 preach. These bitches were trying to say Aaron Fucking Hernandez was a bottom. Lolllll.

Anyone over 17

Everything else can be overlooked.....

Non-trans.

R71 fair enough. From R70 i dated both but operated from be up front about it.

Jumps to inaccurate conclusions based on little to no information, e.g., R77.

R73 i asked because i have a buddy that is a doormat & puts up with a lot of shit in order to have a relationship in his life. What you wrote is along the lines of what he puts up with. He’s a great guy , filthy rich & ugly as sin. His looks are an issue in finding real love (& his mobney attracks a certain type.) I just read your post wrong: i read it as something you went through & there’s no reason i should’ve. Peace to you.

R76- usually when one says “second” it is preceded by a “first”. Was there a first question or statement fact?

Anyway, my point was that most guys who are so emphatic about announcing their top status are doing so because they see bottoming as being less masculine (see r85). In my experience, truly exclusive tops don’t feel a need to broadcast it constantly (especially in all caps, lol). And doing so on a message board with such passion is even more suspect.

I still have sex with women. I don’t see the point of being gay if your prostate is not getting hit. Maybe mommy just didn’t take out the pacifier soon enough. Much like women have a clitoris and a g spot, we have a penis and prostate.

It doesn’t really matter to me. If you put “top” in your profile and end up liking it up the bum, that is fine. But if you have to beat your chest about it and end up wanting to get buggered, there are other issues that make me not want to pursue a relationship with you.

Dolls on the bed. Yup, it happened to me and a voice in my head screamed, "Run!"

Cat ownership. Disgusting and usually indicates a creepy or sad personality.

My top three: -Picky eaters or guys would haven’t outgrown the kid’s menu can fuck right off. -No books on their shelves used to be another one but now with ebooks it’s harder to tell whether they read. -Guys who can only get off through nipple play.

Guys obsessed with amusement parks, Disneyland, home brewing, car worship

R32 I've leased my car for years. I could pay cash, but I'd rather invest it on something that's not going to depreciate the moment I drive it off the lot. I don't like arrogant people, people without a sense of humor, and people who buy their cars instead of leasing them.

R72 I'm married, now with the same man for the past 14 years, so I concur.

Tiny meat, small feet, long hair

R96, I am not going to doubt your motives for leasing. Some people are willing to pay for the convenience and being able to swap in for new every couple of years. I get that. But it is a convenience you pay a premium for. It is not a wise choice based upon avoiding depreciation. The lease payment is 100% depreciation.

Bottoms

Breathing.

Serial monogamists.

R91 You sound insane. One has to enjoy direct prostate stim in order to justify being gay? AND you fuck women? Toss of troll. Just please don't get any of the nice ladies kind enough to fuck you pregnant... we don't really require any more like you.

R91 One other thing Cunt, the first thing was why you're so triggered by posters on DL sharing that they're tops/NOT into bottom play, NOT willing to be vers. It's implied, and doesn't need announcing as "First". You're the type of bloke... Nevermind... by far easier to list you with my troll collection.

Money and ego.

Money and ego.

Republicants, bigots, animal cruelty, disliking children, active addiction, rudeness to service personnel, intolerant of different lifestyles, and prissiness.

R103 - If I were a troll, dear, then based on your reactions I would be a wildly successful one.

Men who fart while having me eat their ass.

No money and no ego.

I've dated plenty of drinkers whose alcoholism was mostly dormant at the time we were together. Everything was great. Only a few slips here and there(I'm a non-drinker because alcohol had no effect on me)but no drunken car wrecks or long benders. None of them were damaged goods.

Personally, I'd be more worried about dating someone that was into bath salts, inhalants or a ravaged methhead. If you're willing to do those substances to the point of addiction, that says a lot about who you are as a person.

CBD (ab)users get really really weird after awhile, too. CBD is nothing like real pot or cannabis oil, btw.

Closet full of caftans = hard pass

Vegan

Bad teeth, picky eater, hating any one group of people. Definitely being mean to waitstaff and disliking animals. Any snobbish behavior - all of those are total turnoffs. Someone upthread mentioned that anyone who decorated in a minimalist style was a deal breaker. I agree. It's like living in a hotel lobby.

R2, that looks like a birthday cake.

R40, yeah, those diseases for sure. The person who said herpes though, don't like 75% of people have some type of herpes (1 or 2)? As long as the guy is on valtrex it should be okay (with a condom)

R53, judgmental much? What if the guy is in his late 20s or early 30s and had a bad stretch with debt and learned from it?

Define mental illness? Millions of people take antidepressants and anxiolytic medications.

If someone has a few arrests on their record for petty stuff and then got their life together, it shouldn't be that big a deal in my opinion.

No thanks, R117, especially the arrests. More for you, I guess. Have fun.

No to everything R117 mentions. Some of us have standards.

People who talk about public IVs and prep schools… And universities they went to in the 1970s

R103 - I am a top and have no problem mentioning it and the fact that for me, anal sex doesn't hold much pleasure. I really do not think that makes me more masculine or better than anyone else. Just a matter of what turns you on.

Also, when I was in my 20's I did have sex with women sometimes (condoms if fucking and mostly oral because I like to see my partner come) because I had high testosterone levels and was too horny to always find a guy during grad school. Nevertheless, as I progressed into my 30's I lost interest (and had lower testosterone levels) and it was all men. I identify as a gay man and think men are men, and those who define their level of "manliness" by what sexual act you prefer are insecure or don't fully just accept their orientation.

R108 is hilarious. I think that would be a deal breaker for about 99 percent of us.

They listen to the Joe Rogan podcast

R117 - pay no mind to r53 and her ilk. While I agree that everything she lists is a red flag, I also agree with you that you must always consider context. What if the arrest stemmed from a protest against apartheid? What if the bankruptcy occurred because of heath care bills accumulated while trying to keep a dying relative alive? Those would both be assets to me.

So yeah, more for us.

Misers.

Re: R75, if I knew someone who had posted this on DL, I would probably start paying closer attention to their personality for little warning signs. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker but I'd have mild concerns.

On the other hand, anyone in real life whose immediate go-to insult is something along the lines of "Go play with your Madame Alexander dolls and your doilies" is someone I would absolutely and completely avoid. I got enough of that real-life MPC-style bitchery back in the 80s and 90s from the oldsters when I was first coming out, and now that I'm older myself, I'm done with it. There are too many snotty little bitches who think they're Oscar Wilde.

Deciding you are in an open relationship without discussing it with your partner first.

Been there r126. But it worked out. And then he died.

The BF and I are committed to each other and will probably marry. But I don't give a shit if he plays around and he doesn't care if I do. We've tried threesomes and naaaah. I'm okay with 2x a week.

R127, it’s all fine if everything has been agreed in advance.

Thanks for sharing R121. I agree, what we like is simply that. I don't think enjoying penetration makes one any less masculine either. What I do find most peculiar are those who feel they've figured EVERYONE out, and that they truly believe all gay men will eventually, or secretly enjoy being penetrated anally.

That's simply creepy, and it disrespects others individuality, as well as their sense that they understand themselves, and their needs. With these types, it often involves persistent negociations. It's controlling, and manipulative. Somehow, they think they know better.

To reduce the entire experience of being gay to having one's prostate stimulated is the most offensive aspect actually; it seems to smack of internalised homophobia as well.

^ from R103... NOT R108

Drinking more than on a moderate social level. Drug use of any kind.

Been there. Done that. Never again.

Prolapsed rectums are a deal breaker. I need an intact manpussy

A guy who refuses to be versatile. I like to fuck and get fucked, and I can't have a strict top or strict bottom.

R133 As long as you're up front with that from the start, you'll have no issues. Just don't assume, or harbour any high hopes anyone will eventually conform to your needs down the line.

I don't care if it's just a hookup, I'll go either way. But as far as a dating relationship goes, that's always worked out before I want to get serious.

BTW, I don't know how old you guys are, but I've found that most younger guys are versatile.

Munggy manpussy

Notice how quickly they jump in and tell you what not to do, r133?

And your observation about versatility is consistent with my experience.

R137 I was merely giving him advice, as he said it's his deal breaker. Some of us don't enjoy receiving, so we share our experiences here is all.

One thing Buddhists are spot on about is how our expectations are directly related to our disappointments. Being open about such a requirement is paramount.

I should also add, despite their best efforts and feeling very attracted to a partner, some cannot pitch either. I think it's a win win if people can be vers. It simply isn't in everyone's nature.

1. Uses the term "dog whistle".

2. Uses the term "problematic"

3. Afflicted with swamp ass on a regular basis

4. Being proud of immutable characteristics

5. Constantly exclaiming that veganism is a lifestyle instead of a bland diet choice.

Being obsessed with whatever diet they're on (Vegan, Paleo, Keto, etc.) and never shutting the fuck up about it. Few things are more boring than having to hear about what people eat.

I would imagine for those who have to spend time with you, the first noble truth would be more applicable.

Loud, aggressive eating.

R140 what’s swamp ass? Is this a southern thing or can anyone have it. ?

R144

It's mostly a southern thing.

Someone who doesn’t retract their foreskin and scrub the stank away. I luv uncut cock, but it has to be clean.

If they're one of those people who bark back at dogs.

Anyone who does yoga.

Anyone who calls themselves "clean and sober."

Anyone who tells me they don't watch TV.

R148 - how about those of us who enjoy power yoga for weight loss and as a hardcore work out? Also, TV can be streamed on the net much more easily and cheaply and you can see more international channels.

R149 I'd never be in a relationship with you.

If they put on more than 30lbs in weight on a six foot frame (less if they're shorter) from the weight they were when we started dating, they either slim down or I leave. I don't maintain 180lbs at 6ft 2 so that I can date a fat bastard.

Actors.

Pretentiousness. Like guys who have "good taste" in everything, name droppers, show-offs. I'm surprised nobody said that, probably because you're all guilty as sin.

"I need an intact manpussy"

Good luck, honey.

What about when someone is on their best behavior until things get real and then...,they’re an asshole?!

Someone who tries to treat you like a groupie

R150 - it's not really a problem. Tops are few and there are plenty of bottoms with sweet asses that don't care about a partner that does power yoga or prefers to stream news on his computer when they are getting a good fuck and rim every night.

1. Tinymeat

2. No sense of humor

3. Controlling personality

4. Lives with his mother

5. > 3 on the Cuntometer