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My Partner Has Been Going PNP Parties Behind My Back

My partner has admitted going to sex and drugs parties while I was at work. I had no idea.

We’re two gay men in our 20s and we were together two years. I knew he did drugs but with my help he managed to quit – or so I thought. We split up because we started to row every day.

I had managed to get back on track on my own when he called me and said he’d been fired from his job and needed a flatmate to help pay his bills.

Like a fool I agreed to move back in.

He’s now admitted he was sleeping around and taking drugs throughout our relationship.

I’m angry that I let him back into my life but feel guilty as well.

I know he’s been through some difficult stuff.

He’s in a dark place and I’m thinking, “Perhaps I’m to blame?”

by Anonymousreply 4506/29/2020

Then hate yourself for his actions. Get an hiv test. It’s broken & you bought it. Also: time to grow up. You’re an adult.

by Anonymousreply 106/28/2020

Move out and get away from him, now.

by Anonymousreply 206/28/2020

[quote]He’s in a dark place and I’m thinking, “Perhaps I’m to blame?”

Please immediately seek therapy.

You are an adult and so is he. YOU are not responsible for HIS choices or his actions.

by Anonymousreply 306/28/2020


by Anonymousreply 406/28/2020

Dump him. Check your health status. Make it clear it's over and he's out. As in on the street. Never let him in again.

He's not your partner. He's a grifter.

And if you don't, please do not return and tell us about it with a big boo hoo.

Now stop bothering us with your fucked up life.

by Anonymousreply 506/28/2020

[quote]He's not your partner. He's a grifter.

If I read the OP correctly, he's not his partner, he's his flatmate.

by Anonymousreply 606/28/2020

Not sure about the drama? Oh, just wait.

by Anonymousreply 706/28/2020

Why did he decide to spill his guts now?

[Quote]he's out. As in on the street. Never let him in again.

Not OP's apartment, remember? The ex needed a flatmate.

by Anonymousreply 806/28/2020

What's British for doormat?

by Anonymousreply 906/28/2020

Burn the flat down and move without a forwarding address.

by Anonymousreply 1006/28/2020

Girl, welcome to day dating.

Been there, done that. Both sides.

Girl, move on.

by Anonymousreply 1106/28/2020
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 1206/28/2020

Does one row or does one have a row?

by Anonymousreply 1306/28/2020

Meth makes people into monsters.

by Anonymousreply 1406/28/2020

OP - get a hepatitis ,herpes, syphilis , etc test. You know he was playing bareback. I’ve shared your story with my friends here in the usa. Everyone agrees you need to get help for your self loathing & the above mentioned tests & tell your next sex partners about you’re ex. Peeps have a right to say no to your potentially diseased body & troubled mind. Thanks!!

by Anonymousreply 1506/28/2020

You're a fool. You know, I had a dog that liked to go back and eat their own poop, why would you do the same?

by Anonymousreply 1606/28/2020

[quote] We split up because we started to row every day.

Were you rowing in opposite directions? That’ll get you nowhere fast!

by Anonymousreply 1706/28/2020

Row = fight, argument (British slang)

by Anonymousreply 1806/28/2020

We know R18

by Anonymousreply 1906/28/2020

OP, you’re young and probably wanted to believe. Most of us have been there.

His problems are not your fault, but if you go down with him, that will be. Please end the relationship, for good this time, and get tested as everyone above has said. I’m so sorry, I know it hurts.

by Anonymousreply 2006/28/2020

Baby, you need to wise-up, take a lesson from this guy's bullshit and move on. He will be worse as a "flatmate" than partner. He now owes you nothing, not even a decent lie or the guise of affection. He's only there to use you, for you to absorb half his expenses so he still has money to play. And soon, he'll start to renege on his half. This is bad news. Your ex has turned into a lamprey eel and he's glad to have found himself a big fish. Cut him loose, take care of yourself. Now.

by Anonymousreply 2106/28/2020

he's a whore, darlin'

by Anonymousreply 2206/28/2020

Move out ASAP, OP. Meth makes you completely immoral. There is a way out but it takes years. Unless you deeply love him - the way he was before addiction- it’s not worth the collateral damage you will sustain.

by Anonymousreply 2306/28/2020

Dump him IMMEDIATELY. Associating yourself with scum is probably worse than actually being scum.

by Anonymousreply 2406/28/2020

He’s putting your life at risk. You didn’t consent to that. If you stay, you will be consenting to Russian roulette. He is a drug addict and a sex addict and he’s not going to stop being addicted because he says he loves you. If you don’t want to be sucked into a black hole, get out now and don’t look back.

by Anonymousreply 2506/28/2020

R11, “day dating” is this British slang for Chemsex after sunrise?

by Anonymousreply 2606/28/2020

Review the definition of co-dependency on your way out the door. You might want to see a professional.

by Anonymousreply 2706/28/2020

OP, it is really hard for people to come back from the PNP life. Meth is the worst. You've been warned by everyone.

by Anonymousreply 2806/28/2020

If you can’t beat em join em.

by Anonymousreply 2906/28/2020

[quote] What's British for doormat?

R9, it's "Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex"

by Anonymousreply 3006/28/2020

How much has he stolen from you since regaining access to your assets, OP?

by Anonymousreply 3106/28/2020

Kinda having a similar situation OP. An ex and I drifted apart but never really had a breakup breakup. We kinda each just moved away so it wasn't a very strong bf relationship. Now he's going through a lot of stress in the city and wants to come visit, maybe live together again, in the country.

Life is messy.

by Anonymousreply 3206/28/2020

Have some self respect, OP. Or else you'll be on R32's hamster wheel. Messy is right.

by Anonymousreply 3306/28/2020

I not only believe that you are to blame, but that unconsciously this is what you wanted. There's not much health danger for you. But you must ask yourself why you aren't good enough to inspire your partner to do better. Are you cold, uncommunicative, dull and a bad fuck? Your lack of sexual compatibility can't be ignored any longer. You're quite a let down is my guess. Your partner is having the kind of fun we're meant to do in our twenties. I suspect he has gone a bit absurd with it all, but if you look at yourself closely OP, can you blame him? You should move on, but you won't. Some people have to be pushed out. PNP parties are pretty normal. But nobody calls it PNP anymore. It's very drug specific, as are the activities. Grow up and stop whining, Two bottoms won't be happy together. Not in THE end.

by Anonymousreply 3406/28/2020


by Anonymousreply 3506/28/2020

When a man enters the house, R35 reaches for the CAPS!!! Old fag ain't seen a dick in 40 years.

by Anonymousreply 3606/28/2020

OP, arrange a meeting with charmer R34 and your delightful flatmate so that they can live happily ever after.

by Anonymousreply 3706/28/2020

What does PNP stand for?

by Anonymousreply 3806/28/2020

OP, I bet he dumped you and now you are hoping that he will give you another chance because you can't get anyone else.

by Anonymousreply 3906/28/2020

R38 party and play. Drugs.

by Anonymousreply 4006/29/2020

R38 Specifically crystal meth in most cases and sometimes crack. “PNP” is not usually just casual drug use but often days-long benders gay men go on in which they invite a series of other drug users over to get high and have sex on and off, sometimes staying awake for 24 hours or longer fueled by stimulants.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 4106/29/2020

sluts and skanks

by Anonymousreply 4206/29/2020

I’ll add to the chorus telling you to find a good therapist. If you do, you could come out of this feeling much better about yourself than you ever did in this relationship.

Good luck!

by Anonymousreply 4306/29/2020

OP, you are codependent.

by Anonymousreply 4406/29/2020

He's too good for you OP. You know you went to the parties too. But you're just too small and soft. Unpopular. Let him have his fun. He's a man with a plan. Not such a great one but he's just not into you sexually. So you're doomed anyway.

Maybe get a cat.

by Anonymousreply 4506/29/2020
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