NYTimes op-ed: "I Don’t Need ‘Love’ Texts From My White Friends"

Interesting.

First of all they are not telling him not to respond they are saying he should feel no obligation. It sounds like he wants to respond with suggestions and he should rather than spending his time complaining.

LMAO that first line is a doozy.

Not sure if it's behind a paywall, but if so:

My book is coming out in a few months, and I don’t know if I’m going to be alive to see it because I’m a black man.

On Monday evening my agent, a liberal white woman in her thirties, sent an email informing me that she was postponing our important meeting with my editor the next day. The agency representing my book was observing a Blackout Day “to honor George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and the countless other black men and women who have been unjustifiably brutalized and killed.”

The company planned to “take this time to reflect and think about long-term actions we can take both as individuals and as an organization to address the systemic racism that persists in our business and communities,” she added.

To paraphrase, my agent was pushing back a meeting necessary for the completion and timely release of my book — which is about how black people can apply the lessons we derive from traumatic experiences to our careers — so that white people could reflect on how to help black people. I countered, insisting that our meeting take place as scheduled because black people’s lives are in danger, and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice momentum on a book written for black people because white people are performing empathy.

This agency’s behavior is common right now. White people are pushing me and others like me aside to alleviate their own guilt and prove that they are different from Officer Derek Chauvin, who killed George Floyd in Minneapolis, and Amy Cooper, who tried to weaponize her whiteness by calling police on Christian Cooper, a bird watcher, in Central Park.

Black people are being trampled in the process. Many white people I know are spilling over with guilt and overzealous attempts to offer sympathy. I have been avoiding them as best I can, trying to live, support my black family and friends and execute normal life functions such as working, moving into a new apartment and cooking dinner for my girlfriend.

But brazen as ever, white people who have my phone number are finding a way to drain my time and energy. Some are friends, others old co-workers and acquaintances I’ve intentionally released from my life for the sake of my peace of mind. Every few days I receive a bunch of texts like this one, from last week:

“Hi friend. I just wanted to reach out and let you know I love you and so deeply appreciate you in my life and your stories in the world. And I’m so sorry. This country is deeply broken and sick and racist. I’m sorry. I think I’m tired; meanwhile I’m sleeping in my Snuggie of white privilege. I love you and I’m here to fight and be useful in any way I can be. **Heart emojis**”

Almost every message ends with seven oppressive words — “Don’t feel like you need to respond.”

Not only are these people using me as a waste bin for guilt and shame, but they’re also instructing me on what not to feel, silencing me in the process. In an unusually honest admission of power imbalance, the texter is informing me I don’t have to respond. (Gee, thanks.) This implies that whether or not I do respond — and I usually don’t — the transaction is complete because their message has been conveyed. The texter can sleep more soundly in their “Snuggie of white privilege.”

Many of my black friends have told me they too are drowning in these one-way messages drenched in white guilt.

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What Will College Be Like in the Fall? Continue reading the main story It’s possible that these white people with my phone number are misunderstanding what I need right now. Based on the feathery, nearly playful tone of the messages they’re sending, they seem to think what I’m experiencing during this time of killings and attempted killings of black people is some vague discomfort that a virtual hug can ease.

As a black man, what I actually feel — constantly — is the fear of death; the fear that when I go for my morning stroll through Central Park or to 7-Eleven for an Arizona Iced Tea, I won’t make it back home. I fear I won’t get to celebrate my parents’ 40th anniversary; I won’t get to add money to my nephew’s brokerage account on his third birthday; I won’t get to take my partner out dancing in her favorite Bed-Stuy bars.

But the fear doesn’t arrive only in the wake of uniquely viral killings of black people such as George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Trayvon Martin. It’s a resting hum under every moment of my life.

It doesn’t feel like the hollow rejection of an ugly breakup. It’s not the stinging disappointment of missing out on a promotion. What I feel is the lingering fear of death. Heart emojis and positive vibes won’t help.

I’ve practiced detaching from the distraction of that fear since I was 7 years old, when I first saw the images of Emmett Till’s mangled face and body in my elementary school social studies class. That detachment allows me to do very basic things like get out of bed in the morning, earn a living and enjoy music without suffering in constant dread.

When you text me and tell me you’re “just thinking of me” because this fear is momentarily evident to you after seeing the atrocities depicted on CNN, you create work for me. You invite me to coddle you and respond to you and tell you it’s not your fault and that you are special. That attacks my dignity. That dehumanizes me.

When you tell me I can share my feelings with you, it is an act of forced intimacy and prods at the detachment I’ve purposefully built up over time. You force me to excavate deeply painful feelings I’ve buried for my sanity and to avoid offending you. Because I know offending you is dangerous.

When you tell me I don’t have to respond, you rob me of the last shred of agency I have in this unwanted exchange by giving me permission to do what I already would have done.

So please, stop sending #love. Stop sending positive vibes. Stop sending your thoughts. Here are three suggestions on more immediately impactful things to offer instead:

Money: To funds that pay legal fees for black people who are unjustly arrested, imprisoned or killed or to black politicians running for office.

Texts: To your relatives and loved ones telling them you will not be visiting them or answering phone calls until they take significant action in supporting black lives either through protest or financial contributions.

Protection: To fellow black protesters who are at greater risk of harm during demonstrations.

Yes, these actions may seem grave. But you insist that you love me, and love requires sacrifice. Text messages are unlimited on most data plans. Emojis are not sacrificial.

If you’re feeling the need to check on me as your black friend, don’t. I’ll let you know what I need. If you don’t get a message from me, that’s a message.

Sounds like he has shitty taste in friends.

I keep seeing things like this.

It reminds me of those bereaved people who bitch about the semantics of sympathy. “I’m in your PRAYERS?! There IS no God. That doesn’t help me!” “You’re SORRY?! Way to make this about YOU.” Instead of focusing on the intention, they get offended. You can’t do anything about these people. They’re never satisfied.

Which is why I keep my mouth shut. Least said, soonest mended.

Checking in on him? Sending their concern? No wonder he identifies with Emmett Till! The monsters!

Yeah, shitty friends offering sympathy and support. I hate friends like that.

And he should fire his liberal white agent. Oh wait - but his book is SO important.

I guess white people can only check on him if they are offering to get his book out as soon as possible.

Fuck him.

[quote] Which is why I keep my mouth shut. Least said, soonest mended.

Except here, R7.

And you offended me when you referred to mourners as “bereaved people.”

What a millennial crock of shit.

I am a middle aged black man, not in the best of health with a history of depression. Today I've gotten three texts

--An "I miss you"

--A comment on a text from weeks ago

--A book recommendation

And I greatly appreciate each of them. Please, Chad, don't speak for me when you say acts of basic human decency and compassion are patronizing.

[quote]Instead of focusing on the intention, they get offended.

Exactly.

His livelihood is being a victim. He has no other skill.

I let things boil over and then check in on people. When you're mad, a well intentioned text or call could provoke misdirected feelings. I'm concerned about all of my friends going out there with good intentions and coming back with covid.

the fact that people are sending empathy texts. no.

I understand what he’s saying. It’s annoying to have white people in on this. The best thing I saw was this black religious leader telling these two white people he appreciated their support but they needed to back off and let black people handle it for themselves. It was great. And of course one of the white people was some white bitch in a wheelchair wearing a mask. You should have seen the look on her face.

And if his white friends didn't reach out, he would be pressed. There's no winning here - I have to think that some of these message are replies on his social media.

So what would his response be if his book agency did not respect Blackout Tuesday? He wasn't the only person inconvenienced on that day. He's not their only client.

Attacking white liberals who support the movement and support you is not going to help. You need allies and support. You're not going to get racists and conservatives to change their minds or support you.

[quote]Attacking white liberals who support the movement and support you is not going to help. You need allies and support. You're not going to get racists and conservatives to change their minds or support you.

THIS. Sometimes, you have to be pragmatic and strategic, and this op-ed ain't.

[quote]To paraphrase, my agent was pushing back a meeting necessary for the completion and timely release of my book — which is about how black people can apply the lessons we derive from traumatic experiences to our careers — so that white people could reflect on how to help black people. I countered, insisting that our meeting take place as scheduled because black people’s lives are in danger, and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice momentum on a book written for black people because white people are performing empathy.

He sounds exhausting.

100%, R17.

And, isn't a "Chad" a male "Karen"?

His goal is to keep these people dancing on a string for his approval. He'll change his demands repeatedly until they give up on his shit and he declares them racists (which he already thinks they are.)

Exactly r21. There's no winning with him. Just whining.

What R21 said.

I get what you're saying, R16. I was annoyed within about an hour of waking up on Tuesday (the social media #blackout). White people can be horribly annoying and just totally misguided (and I am one). We have this terrible way of turning everything into a story about ourselves. Still and all, I definitely get the feeling that R21's "dancing on a string for his approval" is spot on. I think we all know people like that--no matter what you do, it's always the wrong thing. Which is why I stay behind the scenes and make my contributions, and I don't go asking for praise or absolution or attention from people who have so much on their plates already.

This really makes me laugh, though: [quote]Texts: To your relatives and loved ones telling them you will not be visiting them or answering phone calls until they take significant action in supporting black lives either through protest or financial contributions.

LOL! "Dear 90-year-old mother, I will be screening and not returning your calls until I see you out on the streets protesting, or evidence that you've made a significant financial contribution to fund bail release for black protestors*. I have stated my boundaries!!"

*this is a good idea, though.

^^ sorry about the poor formatting. I guess you have to place a return before the "quote" coding.

This guy is definitely a total Chad.

R20 - no, a Chad is something completely different. That's the name that incels have for the white stud who gets to fuck a lot of women.

He sounds exhausting - and takes his misplaced anger out on his white friends and colleagues. "But brazen as ever, white people who have my phone number are finding a way to drain my time and energy. Some are friends, others old co-workers and acquaintances I’ve intentionally released from my life for the sake of my peace of mind."

White people don't just troll for your phone number bitch - you gave it to them. And they are not trying to find a way to drain your time and energy. But thanks for 'releasing' some of them from your life as they were such a drain on your peace of mind.

Who says shit like this? Now you have every white person you know questioning your friendship or ability to work with you.

I completely agree with this guy. Like everything else, this moment has been completely co-opted by white people — especially the ones who repeat, over and over and over again, at the top of their lungs, that they are not co-opting it.

Someone has no problems of self esteem which is good because i doubt he'll have white friends (and probably any kind of friend) for much longer if he is so exhausting all the time

I'm pretty sure his agent is thrilled about being trashed this way but hey, his book is very very important. Colson Whitehead better prepare for the competence

FUCK OP.

I'm so goddam sick of this shit. "Weaponize her whiteness"? JFC. I'm tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for being white.

R28 - so basically, any white participation and support is co-opting the BLM movement? There are far more white people than black people in the US.

Good luck with having a black-only BLM movement. I guess the civil rights movement in the 60's were co-opted by the whites involved helping with legislation, protests, documentation, etc.

And I'm also tired of hearing about liberal white people trying to assuage their collective white guilt. No, it's not guilt - it's empathy, understanding and support. You know, the exact opposite of what you get from people who are creating and promoting the problem.

r30, I didn't write that myself, you know.

It's this kind of divisiveness that is not helping us and could lead to another four years of Trump.

To quote Sinead O'Connor from SNL in 1992: Fight the real enemy.

I can’t believe you guys don’t see how utterly annoying and patronizing white people have become to the BLM movement. Many black people aren’t into the movement itself either and to just assume that because you’re black you’re into BLM is a stereotype.

You people are so gullible. Don’t fall for Op trying to stir up divisions.

It’s getting old. Especially in this context.

R34: Black people don't think Black Lives Matter? What crack are you smoking, fool?

FF op. This is a black vs white agenda post. All these black people are being beaten and shot and this is what OP posts?

Of all the articles out there?

FF already.

R35: Well, the article is real so it's not OP the one who stir division.

When you are a minority you need allies. Gay right activists know that very well

The only way we'll stop this genocide of blacks in America is for white liberals to take over.

“I’m in your PRAYERS?! There IS no God. That doesn’t help me!” “You’re SORRY?! Way to make this about YOU.”

[bold]SORRY? WHAT GOOD IS THAT? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY REPAY THE THIRTY SECONDS YOU'VE JUST STOLEN FROM MY LIFE???[/bold]

OP trying to start a backlash before they even have their moment.

Very similar to when Obama won.

These reTHUGS didn’t want Omaha supporters to have even a single day in the sun.

They can not STAND to see them get equal treatment. It seriously sends them into literal convulsions. See the guy dressed in the bicycle u inform that attacked a child. That is what they get like when they think that a minority might be treated equally.

Mitch promised to make Obama a one term president for this very reason.

There is a class/income divide being ignored in these discussions. A black person with an education, a book deal, and the time to sit and read Ta-Nehisi Coates does not have the same experiences as a single black mother with 3 jobs and no time to indulge in academic navel-gazing and masturbatory think-pieces.

I am not seeing a class divide happening. At all. I see the complete opposite.

People of all incomes are joining together to say enough is a enough.

The article is spot on. I see this all the time.

9 black men were killed by cops last year.

The “spot on” troll has arrived.

The unity is starling. These protest are working. Which is why trolls are desperate to try to highlight division and keep people in separate camps.

"Omaha supporters"

Oh dear.

R36 you just proved my point with your post. Just like assuming all Hispanics and blacks are Democrats. You’re stereotyping by thinking that all blacks are into the BLM movement which in and of itself could be considered racist.

FF these right wing trolls to oblivion between now and Nov.

show them no quarter

R49 - what the fuck are you talking about? "Black Lives Matter" - "Nah, my black life doesn't matter. I just don't get this shit." - Said by no US black person ever.

I’m white and haven’t sent any private messages or even commented on posts because I was trying to not make it about me. But this Op ed is ungracious and petty. I personally think it’s best to assume that most people mean well and have good hearts. We all don’t know exactly what to do all the time. We also are hearing white silence is violence. If you hate the messages, ignore them.

[quote] We also are hearing white silence is violence

It is. And so is talking.

R39: Not take over, but support will be important and people feel less impulse to support if they are insulted just for doing it.

R42: I'm not american so the racial divide in america is something i see from a distance but i always found the whole white priviledge discussion counter productive.

At an academical level is easy to understand the concept but you need to reach everyone and i'm pretty sure it's difficult to feel priviledged if you are poor and unable to find a decent job no matter how white you are.

You need whites to feel empathy not shame.

And of course it's the fact that the concept put a bystander in the middle of the conversation not the main character who is the non white who is discriminated.

And it's the fact that not being profiled for the colour of your skin is not a priviledge, it's a right.

The police should treat with respect everyone, so it's not the white who is priviledged is the black who is being discriminated.

Of course police in the USA is very different than in other parts of the world. There's racism everywhere, but in most countries cops are seem as someone who can help you in a difficult situation.

In the USA most of them seem totally unprepared to deal with even simple situation without using their gun, and that's a big problem in a country where everyone can carry a weapon

To borrow a term, Chad Sanders needs to check his privilege.

[quote]So please, stop sending #love. Stop sending positive vibes. Stop sending your thoughts.

Okay.

[quote]If you’re feeling the need to check on me as your black friend, don’t.

Okay.

[quote]love requires sacrifice

Horse shit, but whatever.

The author of the article speaks the truth. You guys need to respect where he’s coming from. R51 you are completely missing the point. That is not what I’m saying.

I feel him. All the white people I follow on social media/YouTube/podcasts have been exhausting with their "putting in the work", performative grief and token talks with black people.

I agree with R42 that the class issue is left undiscussed. It's all much more complicated. Also highly recommend a recent Lawfare podcast on policing issues, with a black academic who does research on the issue.

The NYT and the author are the ones stirring up division.

Also, at work we just had a team meeting and the whole message was about "checking on your Black colleagues".

I was peacefully riding my bike the other day (with a child) and at an itersection a black dude came up alongside of me in his car wanting to make a right, and screamed at my "yo nigga get the fuck out of the way!". I was beside myself, I've never spoken to anyone like that, it was completely unnecessary, and was completely wrong as far as rules of the road go. Fucking barbarian.

Mary!

Assholes come in every color

[quote]I feel him. All the white people I follow on social media/YouTube/podcasts have been exhausting with their "putting in the work", performative grief and token talks with black people.

If white people weren’t doing those things, there would be bitching, too. Frankly, if you’re going to bitch at me for doing nothing and doing something, I’d rather do nothing

r60 never happened

[quote] Attacking white liberals who support the movement and support you is not going to help. You need allies and support. You're not going to get racists and conservatives to change their minds or support you.

Of course Datalounge’s collection of head in ass white supremacists missed the entire point of the article What the author is describing is not really support. Real support would actually lead to real change. Self centered antics from the seemingly clueless who continue to uphold and reinforce white supremacist institutional racism every other minute of the day is not real support. You have black acquaintances, to whom you send a text message in a time of crisis. Meanwhile you don’t or the institution for which you work doesn’t employ black people. Black people are not welcomed in your neighborhood nor in your neighborhood schools. Meanwhile we live in a very segregated society; which you embrace. But you did send a text to your black acquaintance because you had all types of Susan Collins levels of concern. That’s not helpful. That’s not advocacy. That’s bullshit.

Heterosexuals don’t get to define the gay rights movement for gays. They don’t get to define what legitimate advocacy is. And whites don’t get to define the the black struggle for black people, nor what legitimate advocacy is.

Watch now, white people will bombard him with texts of "I'm sorry!"

As a few have already noted, beware of race baiting trolls, seeking to divide, regardless of their origin. Their sole aim is to re-elect (pardon the expression, as I don’t believe he was elected any more than “W” was in 2000) President COVID.

Somehow I don't think this guy will be getting many more texts or calls from his white friends. It won't be a problem for him anymore.

I am sure that book of his is only getting published BECAUSE he is black. No one gets a book deal anymore unless they are famous.

Exactly, R52. Good people are raised to believe that if you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem and if you don't know what to do, ask. I find it disingenuous to tell people that you are to busy to attend to their offers of assistance.

The tone of his screed is that platitudes are useless when there is so much work that needs tangible action, resources and funding. But in the process he is negating the value of human capital and, more importantly, the diversity that is at the heart of this struggle. He is proverbially throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

R42 alludes to a myriad of experiences as (s)he questions where class factors into the discussion. I pointed out in my first line that generation is part of the equation. Someone else is playing the racism card by arguing that the overwhelming majority is not the same as a total majority.

What I wish to emphasize here is that what makes this NYT editorial zero for two in their history of OP EDs this week is that it does not elucidate nearly as much as it disparages.

R65: But you don't get what you want shaming people who have good intentions. If they are his friends he could tell them how he feels without using a newspaper article to shame them.

And the article is all about himself and how important his new book is

I kind of get what he's saying. Those messages checking up on him are the equivalent of Camila Cabello putting herself up as the face of BLM. It's all about them feeling like they did something about racism and not about anything real.

[quote]You people are so gullible. Don’t fall for Op trying to stir up divisions.

Thank you for seeing through this. Yes, the author wrote it but we all know what the intention was of it.

[quote]Those messages checking up on him are the equivalent of Camila Cabello putting herself up as the face of BLM. It's all about them feeling like they did something about racism and not about anything real.

But I don't actually know Camila Cabello? Do you? So that would be different.

The only black person the writer speaks for is themselves.

Don't assume that your black friend doesn't want you to at least show that you care and say hello just because of this guy's article. Many are paying just as much attention to the silence as they are the noise.

[quote]But I don't actually know Camila Cabello? Do you? So that would be different.

Let me spell it out for you, sweetheart.

Racist little bitch Camila Cabello isn't a legitimate defender of racial rights, let alone a leader, but that's how she attempts to present herself. This guy's white friends are clumsily texting him to show that they are good, liberal non-racists while specifically mentioning that he doesn't need to respond shows how their concern is non-existent.

The actions of both parties with regards to Black Lives are hollow and all about making them feel and look good.

R65 - so now we're head-in-our-ass white supremacists. He calls these people "white people with my phone number".

And you don't know what these people said in his texts - he just copied one ridiculous one, but who knows what else she had sent besides that.

He pisses about the whole 'you don't have to respond' as it shuts him down. Uh - no - it just means they don't expect that he takes time out of his day to reply. If he wanted to reply, he could - it's not robbing him of anything. You don't have to does not equal DO NOT RESPOND.

Of course, I'm just a white liberal who is a dumb, white supremacist to you. Fucking know the difference. White liberals are not your enemy, although that seems to be the main thought the past week.

The only reasonable action he proposes his giving money, which is the most passive thing anyone can do next to thoughts and prayers. White people are not trying to define the BLM movement, or civil rights movement no more than straights defined gay rights.

BUT - we had to work with and get support from a lot of fucking straight people to make stuff happen.

A lot of angry posters on here who obviously see themselves described in the article.

R76 - nah, we just see offensive bullshit when we read it - like your post, for example.

[quote]The ONLY black person the writer speaks for is THEMselves. (caps added since I don't know how to bold on DL)

The irony writes itself.

should I add "Oh dear?"

Honestly, I think the agency observed that day (cancelling the meetings) because they’d get flack if they didn’t.

Who the fuck is Camila Cabelo???

R80 - how VERY dare you!

R80 - how VERY dare you!

Do you know why they texted "don't feel you need to respond"?

Because they've had it drilled into them that "it isn't black people's JOB to teach you how to not be racist. Do your own labor!"

So they were trying to show support without inviting the criticism that they were making black people "do their labor." That's why.

[quote] A lot of angry posters on here who obviously see themselves described in the article.

Clueless head in ass white supremacist who feel it’s their place to tell that black man how to think and feel about white supremacy. Other than their own self centered and white centered bullshit; they have nothing to offer this conversation. They believe that this man is out of place. However, they are the ones who are out of place.

Again:

Of course Datalounge’s collection of head in ass white supremacists missed the entire point of the article What the author is describing is not really support. Real support would actually lead to real change. Self centered antics from the seemingly clueless who continue to uphold and reinforce white supremacist institutional racism every other minute of the day is not real support. You have black acquaintances, to whom you send a text message in a time of crisis. Meanwhile you don’t or the institution for which you work doesn’t employ black people. Black people are not welcomed in your neighborhood nor in your neighborhood schools. Meanwhile we live in a very segregated society; which you embrace. But you did send a text to your black acquaintance because you had all types of Susan Collins levels of concern. That’s not helpful. That’s not advocacy. That’s bullshit.

Heterosexuals don’t get to define the gay rights movement for gays. They don’t get to define what legitimate advocacy is. And whites don’t get to define the the black struggle for black people, nor what legitimate advocacy is.

Fine, R84. You continue your fight to end racism with zero help from 90% of the population. Good luck with that.

Well then, fuck you nigger!

oh deer

Way to WW your own fucking post, racist shithead r86

R88 types cullud

This conversation and really any conversation regarding racism is pointless. Whites benefit too much from white supremacy in this country. They really don’t give a fuck about undoing it. As a matter of fact; they would rather burn this country to the ground than really create racially equality. Which is what we are witnessing under Trump. And almost 70% of white males and almost 1/2 of white female voters are desperate to re-elect Trump! That right there tells you all you need to know about the United States.

So many people point out the problem of "White Supremacy" but I never hear any viable solutions put forward.

[quote]They really don’t give a fuck about undoing it...white "White Supremacy"

R90. if you are white, speak for yourself.

Otherwise, if you are not white, realize there are old white dudes that care and will pay attention to what you want us to do.

[quote] So many people point out the problem of "White Supremacy" but I never hear any viable solutions put forward.

You don’t want a solution. You want to be free from this bring a topic of conversation.

Again:

This conversation and really any conversation regarding racism is pointless. Whites benefit too much from white supremacy in this country. They really don’t give a fuck about undoing it. As a matter of fact; they would rather burn this country to the ground than really create racially equality. Which is what we are witnessing under Trump. And almost 70% of white males and almost 1/2 of white female voters are desperate to re-elect Trump! That right there tells you all you need to know about the United States.

R93: Are you going to repeat the same stupid thing everytime?

Trump lose the popular vote by three milliion fucking votes, so no, the majority of the country doesn't love the racist orange that much

This is a despicable thread. A few more FFs ought to do it.

[quote]Texts: To your relatives and loved ones telling them you will not be visiting them or answering phone calls until they take significant action in supporting black lives either through protest or financial contributions.

Setting everything else aside, this sounds highly manipulative

Fuck this ungrateful racist shit stain . Who does he think will be buying his fucking book ? His race ? Ha ha .

It's been the topic of conversation for decades, R93. It seems more money can be made pointing out a problem than actually fixing it.

[quote]Let me spell it out for you, sweetheart.

Hey honey, I don't know who the fuck Camilla Cabello or whatever the fuck that is. I'm glad you do since you have so much time on your hands, babe.

[quote] It seems more money can be made pointing out a problem than actually fixing it.

Really?

[quote] [R93]: Are you going to repeat the same stupid thing everytime? Trump lose the popular vote by three milliion fucking votes, so no, the majority of the country doesn't love the racist orange that much

60+ million voters voted for Trump. 60+ million votes for Clinton. The white majority continues to heavily favor Trump, including almost 70% of white male voters and almost 59% of white female voters.

Tell us about the other modern presidents who have gotten away with Trump’s crimes? Over 1/2 the country still trust Trump on the economy. They still “trust” that a man who suggested that the injection of household disinfectants can cure disease. They still “trust” the man who has told over 1,000 lies since he was elected. They still trust the man who campaigns on white supremacist racism and little else.

The United States is a white supremacist country. That is not going to change. Again these conversations about white supremacist racism are pointless. The majority has no vested interests in changing anything. For the white majority, this is a zero sum game. Which is not really true. However, it is how they see it. No need to attempt to dress any of this up. It is what it is.

This video is so unbelievable. Link to reddit.

UNREAL.

R101: Unfortunately whites were not the only ones who voted for Trump. He was voted massively by Cubans.

And to be fair, even he never looked good, nobody could guess that he was going to be that incredibly shitty president.

And in Trump's victory, misoginy played a key role too. Some people seem to have a problem in voting for a woman

[quote] He was voted massively by Cubans.

Here's one

[quote] [R101]: Unfortunately whites were not the only ones who voted for Trump. He was voted massively by Cubans. And to be fair, even he never looked good, nobody could guess that he was going to be that incredibly shitty president. And in Trump's victory, misoginy played a key role too. Some people seem to have a problem in voting for a woman

1. Cuban is not a race. It is a nationality. There are ethnically white Cubans and there are ethnically black Cubans.

2. Republicans usually receive around 30% of the Hispanic vote, including Cubans. Which is what Trump received.

3. Yes no one could have looked at the clearly unfit and incompetent Trump and his history of lies and cons and guessed that he would be a shitty president.

R105 Dear, that's not what i say, of course he was going to be a shitty president but not that incredibly shitty.

Every normal person could think that he was not going to stay on twitter spreading crap every single day.

And not only Cubans, latinos are not a race either even people use it like it was all the time. USA is the only place that being italian or spanish equate to be non white

[quote] [R105] Dear, that's not what i say, of course he was going to be a shitty president but not that incredibly shitty. Every normal person could think that he was not going to stay on twitter spreading crap every single day.

Dear those of us who have functioning brain cells knew that he would be exactly as shitty as he has been. Trump voters supported and continue to support him because of his white supremacist platform, not because of his leadership skills.

[quote] And not only Cubans, latinos are not a race either even people use it like it was all the time. USA is the only place that being italian or spanish equate to be non white

Race/ethnicity and nationality are 2 different things. You’re struggling with that. I’m not.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be alive...” maudlin drama queen. Stopped reading then and there. Let’s not lose our God-given, intelligence people.

I think, perhaps, the Op Ed writers words may not exactly convey what he was trying to communicate. Same goes for his friend’s texts. We all need to be a little more unconditionally loving of each other - other people never behave exactly as you want them to.

So white people are damned if they do and damned if they don't?

[quote]I think, perhaps, the Op Ed writers words may not exactly convey what he was trying to communicate.

Doesn't bode well for his upcoming book, does it?

No one: Can’t wait to read this book!

R97 I wonder if he will mind if they loot POS his book rather than buy it

Was this his "deplorable moment"?

R110 Yep. Guilty by birth.

I sympathize with his feelings on this issue, but he sounds terribly self-important and hard to take. This passage gives one a glimpse of his everyday self:

[quote]I have been avoiding [white well-wishers] as best I can, trying to live, support my black family and friends and execute normal life functions such as working, moving into a new apartment and cooking dinner for my girlfriend.

You mean cooking dinner, period? That's not something women would consider worth mentioning.

It's interesting that a recommended article at the bottom of the NYT article says that employers must "check in on your black employees" to support their mental health during times like this. Basically the opposite of what this author says.

I feel like he might be overstating the sheer volume of the CONSTANT AVALANCHE of people checking in on him daily.

LOL! I love it! Let the Orwellian tragicomedy begin!

Woke white people are really tedious.

It’s pretty funny that he makes a point a point of letting us know he cooks for his girlfriend so you know how woke HE is!

shit, what an exhausting friend he must be. Yeah, fine, don't check in on him. Just be grateful for the reprieve from dealing with him .

Suggested reading for the month: Animal Farm.

This thread is great. There's nothing better than watching a bunch of white people sit around and argue about racism. Just can't be any better. And by the way, the author of the article is SPOT ON. Have any of you actually had a conversation with a black person about this and what his or her actual thoughts or feelings are about this? It might surprise you.

R123, no one is arguing and how do you know all of us are white or that you know about our experiences. You sound VERT racist!

VERY! and MARY!

[quote]BUT - we had to work with and get support from a lot of fucking straight people to make stuff happen.

No, that's not true! Trans women of color did it all themselves!

[quote]Woke white people are really tedious.

I love it when they refer to black people from countries other than the US as "African-Americans."

r124 is correct: how do you know which race all the other posters belong to, r123?

I am going to do a little research and see if this guys girlfriend is Asian.

His girlfriend?

In fairness to the OP, he did not write this article. He merely posted it.

I hope all of his white friends delete his phone number after they text him to fuck off. How embarrassing.

The person that wrote the op-ed is just a jerk. Jerks come in all colors.

Why does he have framed portraits of George and MarthaWashington on his wall?

Be warned: Ms. Sanders is a “former bro.”

[quote]When I told my college friends I was writing about feminism for Teen Vogue, they laughed. My ex rolled her eyes. I get it. They know me. Until a few years ago, I spent much of my time in locker rooms and frat houses. I graduated from a men’s college, where I majored in English and minored in alpha-male-ing. I blasted music that described women like cars (and TBH, Kanye and Migos still run my playlists). I interrupted lady friends in conversations that were more interesting before I showed up. I repeated women’s ideas in meetings and basked in the praise of my colleagues. I could go on, but it’s an ugly list.

Will someone please send him a link to this thread? He needs to read it.

He sounds exhausting.

Something tells me he WANTS this kind of reaction r136.

His friends should tell him...well fuck you then.. sack of shit.

I'm fully charged

Nipples are hard

Ready to go

THAT bitch is as straight as Tyler Perry! OMG you can see the flames from Mars!

He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he has emotional labor.

[quote] My book is coming out in a few months, and I don’t know if I’m going to be alive to see it because I’m a black man.

If this alone isn't the hyperbole of a drama queen, I don't know what is. It's incredible how identity politics turns people into full blown narcissists. Stop being kind to me!, Don't send me love! aargh!

Fight anti blackness while I write this boring screed, so that when people criticize is for its mediocrity, I can accuse them of being racists. That's the crux of the matter, isn't it?

I finally read the tedious screed. It's that double edge sword thing, if you don't do anything, they whine. If you do they whine it too. You can't never win.

Mark my words, reparations will happen (as I think they should btw) and many like this self absorbed perpetually oppressed professional victim will keep writing shit like that for us to feel bad about what we're not doing, after all no one has any problems or oppressions of their own, it's all about them.

They should form a coalition with the trans crowd. Can you imagine the texts coming out of it?

He’s dumb.

She is tremendous!

R140, this dude is supposed to have a girlfriend? I'm not buying it.

[quote]Almost every message ends with seven oppressive words — “Don’t feel like you need to respond.” Not only are these people using me as a waste bin for guilt and shame, but they’re also instructing me on what not to feel, silencing me in the process.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Damn if you do, damn if you don't.

How oppressive for people to show they care. These people are only using you as a waste bin for guilt, because guilt is all you ask all the fucking time from them.

No one is sending me emails asking if I'm alright as the homophobic far right takes over the world. You know why? Cause I don't guilt trip people into feeling sorry for myself.

I'd kill for an oppressive word of kindness, though. To each his own, I guess.

Another thing! My elderly mother has been very sick and in the hospital, and when they hear about it, white people keep texting me, "I hope she gets well soon!" Well, guess what: my mother doesn't need your white wishes to get well, or even to die if she damn well feels like it! How dare you burden me with your "good" wishes!

Can you imagine reading this bizarre self-pity NYTimes piece and having to work with this joker?

He's basically calling his friends and coworkers losers and not good enough to be around him, this is so self absorbed that I'm not surprised this clear queen pretends to be straight.

This is some next level shade. This closet queen is telling his friends are terrible people for caring. Bet 10k if they respected the space he apparently needs to cope with the "stress" of responding he'd produce an even worse article on their silence and how whites are selfish and don't get it.

R148 - actually - it leaves it open to him to reply. He acts like they wrote - DO NOT RESPOND. They did not - but he acts like they say it to shut him down.

It's the exact opposite - if he doesn't feel like replying, he doesn't have to. His white friends know he may be so busy - y'know making dinner for his girlfriend.

But I guarantee a lot of what he received was based on his posts about BLM or his book.

I'm sorry, but white people who barely know you don't immediately jump out their phones and go - hmmm...ok, he's black, she's black - let me send him a message although I haven't spoken to him in a couple of years.

[quote] seven oppressive words

Oppressive doesn't mean what he thinks it does. How's this for oppressive: the author is a CUNT.

People who complain about people treating them with kindness are insufferable. Can you imagine how intolerable people like the author are in their daily lives? Yes, it's true, we as non-black people have a responsiblity to create change and reject racist ideologies and laws. That doesn't mean you shouldn't express condolences or concern when something bad happens. The author sounds really entitled.

Passive-aggressive sociopath. If I was one of his"white friends" I'd block the nut-job.

I'm not reading all the posts. Fuck this. I refuse to think my thoughts are unwelcome to someone suffering. Screw this guy. We say what we feel - if you don't accept it, fuck you.

Right, how are they supposed to respond when they read his shitty writing? "Thank you so much for teaching us that compassion is wrong, we will just kick you in the nuts next time". Moron.

[quote] Can you imagine how intolerable people like the author are in their daily lives?

He writes for that shitty ABC show Grownish so you we actually can.

[quote] Right, how are they supposed to respond when they read his shitty writing? "Thank you so much for teaching us that compassion is wrong, we will just kick you in the nuts next time". Moron.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

R158, really? Oh god. I'm never wathcing that show, ever. It must be heavy on "messages".

Very interesting, R135. That's exactly the feeling I got from him that I was alluding to at R116. Once you've become sensitized to all the varieties of male entitlement, you know it whenever you see it.

HOWEVER. I still think the guy's feelings are valid. As I said upthread, white people (including me) can be very tiresome on these subjects, because there's a whole ingrained experience to being black that's developed over centuries of oppression in this country, and we can't understand it. We're like little kids who think they're smarter than adults, and we often come off that way. But, even though his reactions are valid, they're *his*. He has the right to say his piece, and maybe find an audience of other black Americans who read his words with relief and recognition---but that doesn't mean he necessarily speaks for anyone but himself.

If we read this op-ed as trying to instruct us in how to behave at this time, of course we're going to see its flaws. There's no way any one white person could live up to all the expectations of every individual black person. Some African Americans want us to step in and speak up; others, like Sanders, think that's patronizing and presumptuous. Let's just read it, take it in, and move on. We just have to do the best we can. Try not to take it so personally.

R160, even so, it would have been better for him to actually discuss this with friends rather than bitching in a newspaper. So passive aggressive.

Agreed. It's really not NYT op-ed material. Better suited to a blog post or an article on Slate.

Better yet, it should have been relegated to a tweet since that's all the rage these days. I don't think there's enough there for even a paragraph.

[quote] As I said upthread, white people (including me) can be very tiresome on these subjects, because there's a whole ingrained experience to being black that's developed over centuries of oppression in this country, and we can't understand it. We're like little kids who think they're smarter than adults, and we often come off that way.

INTENTION

The reason black women have been the backbone of the Democratic Party is because black women have, over generations, developed a finely tuned sense of what people actually mean, irrespective of what they may actually say.

The reason black women did not support bros and their finger-wagging Pied Piper is because that traveling circus was too busy/important/energized/woke to engage in interpersonal relationships. This is a case in point. They are too obsessed with their mandate(s) to try to understand anyone else's perspective.

[quote] How oppressive for people to show they care.

No one is more oppressed than white gay males; at least according to datalounge. And the people sending those messages don't really care about white supremacist racism or black people. Which is the whole point of the article.

Again:

This conversation and really any conversation regarding racism is pointless. Whites benefit too much from white supremacy in this country. They really don’t give a fuck about undoing it. As a matter of fact; they would rather burn this country to the ground than really create racially equality. Which is what we are witnessing under Trump. And almost 70% of white males and almost 1/2 of white female voters are desperate to re-elect Trump! That right there tells you all you need to know about the United States.

Is the girlfriend white or Asian?

What was the single word "INTENTION" supposed to signify?

He's way more important in his own head than in reality. He likely didn't get an overwhelming amount of texts and voicemails. From anyone, of any color. People with any sense steer clear of people like this. He's complaining because no one is listening to his complaints anymore. He's a tedious twat.

The OP is a whinging twat.

I don’t care if your feelings are hurt because someone made fun of you or verbally attacked you. Grow the fuck up.

Someone, please forward this thread to the imbecile.

[quote] Someone, please forward this thread to the imbecile.

A thread full of clueless head in ass white supremacist on a site filled with clueless head in ass white supremacist certainly does disprove his point. You are brilliant!.

White people seem to be in a no-win position. Two days ago I and the other white faculty in my department (total 8, 6 white, 2 black) received a blistering email from one of the black faculty excoriating us for not reaching out to the black faculty about the events of the last two weeks. She saw this as a lack of sincerity on our parts in wanting to support diversity. (keep in mind that we have all been teaching in quarantine and also trying to figure out what the hell is going on and what our role as white people should be). She further told us she didn’t want us to write her or the department to talk about what we are doing, but to sit in the moment and contemplate our sins of omissions (my words). I am tired of people from various groups sending out screeds and then forbidding responses. It feels cowardly and childish. I did write her and reminded her that I am now retired and therefore it would be inappropriate and intrusive for me to force my thoughts in the active faculty. I also suggested she consider that we might be involved in such discourse with our other cohorts (I’ve been having hours of such discussions with friends and colleagues across the country—friends white, black, and beyond). That she should assume this is a departmental mattervfeels parochial. Thus far, no response—not expected. But my white friends and I have discussed whether the kind of solicitation she wants might be perceived as virtue signaling, pandering, or co-opting other’s voices and placed.

Glad I’m out of it—it’s exhausting.

Hey, it's doing better in numbers than the Chromatica thread, racist asshole at R171

R171

Blocked

Racist provocateurs like you get blocked. I don’t care about your skin color, but your character is seriously lacking.

R172, it's like having someone putting a gun to your head as they scream "tell me the truth!". There's really no great way to handle it, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I am all for fighting against supremacy/racism in all its forms but people need to realize that people DO have lives to live too!

Not to mention we're STILL in a pandemic r175 and r172 (and which r172 did refer to as he is working during a quarantine).

It really is exhausting.

R176

The looting and rioting has apparently cured the coronavirus. Even that bitch Meggan Witmer lifted her draconian quarantine orders because she wanted the protests to continue unmolested.

Don’t you dare try to go to church, though. They will shoot you if you do that.

The fucking morons that thought that COVID-19 was worse than the flu have been thoroughly embarrassed by the last six weeks of data.

The best thing about this winging twat is that he provided something to talk about on a Friday night. I’ll be on tinder hooks waiting to see if he lives to see his book published! Is he going to be smothered by bosomy, well meaning white ladies, or is it the racists in his Park Slope condominium that will do him in?

[quote] White people seem to be in a no-win position.

You should call 911 immediately and let them know that a black man and black people are oppressing you and threatening your life. Make sure you have your tears ready.

Clueless head in ass white supremacist who feel it’s their place to tell that black man how to think and feel about white supremacy. Other than their own self centered and white centered bullshit; they have nothing to offer this conversation. They believe that this man is out of place. However, they are the ones who are out of place.

Again:

Of course Datalounge’s collection of head in ass white supremacists missed the entire point of the article What the author is describing is not really support. Real support would actually lead to real change. Self centered antics from the seemingly clueless who continue to uphold and reinforce white supremacist institutional racism every other minute of the day is not real support. You have black acquaintances, to whom you send a text message in a time of crisis. Meanwhile you don’t or the institution for which you work doesn’t employ black people. Black people are not welcomed in your neighborhood nor in your neighborhood schools. Meanwhile we live in a very segregated society; which you embrace. But you did send a text to your black acquaintance because you had all types of Susan Collins levels of concern. That’s not helpful. That’s not advocacy. That’s bullshit.

Heterosexuals don’t get to define the gay rights movement for gays. They don’t get to define what legitimate advocacy is. And whites don’t get to define the the black struggle for black people, nor what legitimate advocacy is.

Again:

No one is more oppressed than white gay males; at least according to datalounge. And the people sending those messages don't really care about white supremacist racism or black people. Which is the whole point of the article.

Again:

This conversation and really any conversation regarding racism is pointless. Whites benefit too much from white supremacy in this country. They really don’t give a fuck about undoing it. As a matter of fact; they would rather burn this country to the ground than really create racially equality. Which is what we are witnessing under Trump. And almost 70% of white males and almost 1/2 of white female voters are desperate to re-elect Trump! That right there tells you all you need to know about the United States.

I've been sending messages to all blacks I know, on twitter, Insta and even facebook, including my boyfriend and brothers in laws. I've got only love in return, because the people from my circle of friends are normal balanced humans not unhinged navel gazing narcissists like Chad. My mother in law tweets me every second with some police brutality video, so maybe I should pull a Chad and tell her to not dehumanize me.

Uh, 70% of white men and don't support Trump. You're just twisitng numbers.

Are you an Aspie R179? You keep posting the same %'s even though it's already been pointed out to you that Trump did not win the popular vote.

Here in NYC we're still in a pandemic, curfew started at 8:00pm, and the protesters started their march at precisely 8:00, and have police fucking escort. It's really amazing. Don't forget Pride was cancelled due to Corona. But it's ok to protest and loot, they get an escort.

[quote] This conversation and really any conversation regarding racism is pointless.

One of the dumbest things that I have ever read on this forum. You can't be that stupid can you? Plenty of white people--especially those who are under 40--are having discussions on white privilege, anti-black discrimination and fixing the police as we speak. That kind of stuff can't be possible without a conversation.

I kind of get it. I’ve wanted to reach out to all my black friends this week....but feel douchy doing it.

....then when they're dying in stuffed understaffed hospitals from Corona Virus, they'll have something else to bitch and complain about.

R185 Just text them one of these and it always works out

👍🏿

Please. Enough.

The anti-white racism and lack of personal responsibility seen here are comparable to the anti-black shit and anti-logic and religionism and the rest of the poor choices seen here. "Don't you dare try to define how I should act" becomes "Defund the police" and "I can do whatever I want because I'm outraged." Claiming to deserve to frame your own existence and experience is one thing. Pretending to wisdom or sense because you've been outraged or affronted or insulted is the opposite of prudence self-regard. "I can call you what I will kill you for calling me" is just the same old divisive, hateful, useless foolishness in another guise. And then comes the good old "Give me your money" and "Buy my book."

I'm biracial and call bullshit across the spectrum. And the bullshit ALWAYS is grounded in the same things -

--Objectifying other individuals based on bias (and look up what "bias" actually means before hissing)

--Declaring that you are not responsible for your actions because your experience places you above responsibility

--Pretending that luck or misfortune of familial circumstances translates into wisdom

--Confusing emotional responses with effective action, and excusing your behavior because of the behavior of others.

[quote]Whites benefit too much from white supremacy in this country. They really don’t give a fuck about undoing it. As a matter of fact; they would rather burn this country to the ground than really create racially equality.

[quote]Clueless head in ass white supremacist who feel it’s their place to tell that black man how to think and feel about white supremacy. Other than their own self centered and white centered bullshit; they have nothing to offer this conversation.

[quote]The fucking morons that thought that COVID-19 was worse than the flu have been thoroughly embarrassed by the last six weeks of data.

[quote]A thread full of clueless head in ass white supremacist on a site filled with clueless head in ass white supremacist certainly does disprove his point. You are brilliant!.

[quote]It's that double edge sword thing, if you don't do anything, they whine. If you do they whine it too. You can't never win.

[quote]This thread is great. There's nothing better than watching a bunch of white people sit around and argue about racism. Just can't be any better. And by the way, the author of the article is SPOT ON.

[quote]Texts: To your relatives and loved ones telling them you will not be visiting them or answering phone calls until they take significant action in supporting black lives either through protest or financial contributions.

Union.

That's the only answer.

I wonder if he would object to a "I condole you."

[quote] I kind of get what he's saying. Those messages checking up on him are the equivalent of Camila Cabello putting herself up as the face of BLM. It's all about them feeling like they did something about racism and not about anything real.

No it's not. This is about his (no longer I assume, after reading this shit) friends, reaching out to him not about a celebrity attention whoring.

[quote] I spent much of my time in locker rooms and frat houses.

We know doing what.

R182

I had that retarded cunt blocked so I didn’t even see that insane post. These are the people that will be shocked when Trump wins in a landslide in November.

[quote] so basically, any white participation and support is co-opting the BLM movement? There are far more white people than black people in the US.

Never said “any.” I was complaining about the white people on social media who, out of one side of their mouths, are abjectly stating their total inability to understand the suffering of black people, but out of the other side of their mouths are making their list of 30 demands you are to unquestioningly obey or be labeled a closet racist or collaborator.

A perfect example were all those virtue signaling white yoga ladies and woke college girls who posted black squares tagged blacklivesmatter — which completely destroyed the usefulness of the tag.

What about US!

Cunts come in all races. I have no room in my life for any of them.

This was fun for a while, but we all know this joker has no friends sending him messages and this is all made up shit, right? You can't be that gullible.

To whomever's questioning protagonism during riots, you're a fucking moron. This situation has gone beyond Black Lives Matter, this is about police brutality and a deep dissatisfaction of the people with the economy and the world.

[quote]But brazen as ever, white people who have my phone number are finding a way to drain my time and energy.

Poor BABY!

Almost every black friend or acquaintance I have has STATED THEIR BOUNDARIES online by now, and each one has complained furiously about the responses by white people in their lives, including not saying anything at all. One was screaming that he was furious that some are reminding everyone to vote, because naturally that would be the worst thing at all.

I decided right away to say NOTHING, because according to the aggregate of posts I've seen all over the web, there is no way for white people to respond correctly at this moment.

I'm black and would never complain about my friends checking in on me; however, I'll admit I do see the point the writer is making in this way: I've had a few white friends and ex-co-workers reach out to me in the last week as well -- people I haven't heard from in ages -- and though the gesture was appreciated on one level, on the other it did sort of come off like this:

MAUDE (having just watched the news): "You know what, Walter? I think I'll call Florida and ask her how she's doing. I think it's important that we show our dear friends they can count on us in a time of need."

WALTER: "Dear friend? You and Florida haven't talked in years --"

MAUDE: "WHO CARES, WALTER!! I mean can't you see? This is something I must do. It's like ... it's like I'm compelled by a power higher than myself."

WALTER: "You mean white guilt?"

MAUDE (putting her finger in his face): "God'll get you for that, Walter."

Sorta kinda like that.

But you know what? It doesn't matter. I still appreciate the call. Plus whenever I turn on the TV and see all those white folks marching with us and for us, it feels my heart with hope. It really and truly does. (Okay, you may "Mary!" me now.)

[quote] I’ll be on tinder hooks

Oh, DEAR!

No Mary, you'll be on "tenterhooks".

Back to our op-ed writer, I am at least grateful he hasn't resorted to using the racial assignation "wypipo" which is very popular with a number of my black friends, especially those with a Master's degree or an Ivy education. Apparently they think it's cute. It's not.

9 black men were killed by cops last year.

That's all? You would think it was 100,000 the way this gold medalist in the Victim Olympics whines that he can't even go to Starbucks for a latte macchiato without the fear of death.

[Quote]9 black men were killed by cops last year.

A misleading stat, R200. Try again.

^I was quoting R45. Forgot the quotes.

R183 They will turn around and act like martyrs when that self-same police escort tries to reign them in from agigtating themselves into yet another riot.

I would bet the eldergays taking so much offense to this op-ed don't even have any African American friends. Maybe it has changed, but as an eldergay the gay culture of NYC back in the day was very segregated. It's hard for some to empathize when they don't have friends in that community. I think everyone has something to learn from BLM, including me. The author of the op-ed comes across as a whiny snowflake.

Here's another take on the same phenomenon that may resonate better with DL. He still calls out white privilege, while acknowledging his envy that he can't similarly opt-in/opt-out of these conversations, but stops short of being angry that his white friends don't understand the performative aspect of their texts. Here's the relevant section:

"I often watch jealously as my white counterparts live fully and abundantly here, going into stores, driving around, wandering in most any neighborhood they want with no assumptions made about their character based on their skin. I watch them live without fear.

"Over the last week I’ve been inundated with texts, calls, emails from white friends and other non-black allies. I envy how my white friends get to opt into cultural and racial sainthood by sending the now-customary text. I appreciate every text, but wish that I could be the one to send the text – opting into tragedy for a moment to mourn and pay respects, then opting right back out. But I can’t. I have to continuously process these tragedies – dissecting why this one or that one couldn’t be me, why my outcome would be different. I don’t come up with anything."

All the marches and protests here have been white kids. I will get flamed for saying this but I don't think that many black kids would come out and protest if it was a white person.

R205: Maybe the same subject but definitevely not the same tone. And he is not blaming his white friends for not being totally concious of the problem

If you see supporting your "oppressor" in their times of need as theft of your emotional labor... you don't put any effort into forming coalitions or building bridges. Police brutality happens to white people frequently, and some BLM activists talk about it but most don't care.

[quote]I will get flamed for saying this but I don't think that many black kids would come out and protest if it was a white person.

Absolute truth. Their excuse? They have enough to deal with and as white person you're already privileged so you don't need anyone else's help.

I wonder what his reaction is when Asians who “have his number” text him?

Or other "POCs" who aren't black?

r210 his reaction is "No fats, no femmes, no Asians."

r199 I assume one reason he didn't use ""wypipo" is the NYT's editorial standards

Tinder hooks 😂

Tangential, but just saw this gem on Twitter:

[quote]White people: have you ever "needed" to call the police? If so, for what? And how did it go? The hypothesis: most people have never actually needed a cop, and if they have, it was for something the state could easily provide an alternate solution for besides "cops."

I'm sure (white) women who called 911 when their husbands or boyfriends were beating the shit out of them appreciate knowing they didn't "need" to call the police.

GTFO with this ridiculous rhetoric.

R215, you can't blame him for not thinking about your example. He has clearly never dated a woman so....

LOL r216

This was from a different Twitter acct, however

R217, LOL. I"m just gonna assume all of them are gay.

In reference to calling the cops, the next horrible event will be some child brutally killed by their parents and everyone asking why no one did anything and why did no one call the police.

R219 Presumably they wouldn't want you to call the police, they'd want you to call CPS.

Which shows how little they know- the corruption, brutality, and incompetence of the foster system and CPS make the cops look amazing.

They actually have a similar dichotomy between idealistic public service and greed and wanton cruelty.

[quote] All the marches and protests here have been white kids. I will get flamed for saying this but I don't think that many black kids would come out and protest if it was a white person.

1) I think the marches have been pretty mixed

2) The second most visceral video of last week was the 75yo white guy in Buffalo cracking his skull on the pavement and the gross interference by the police. So, I do believe many people of color who have experienced police brutality would relate and join protests

The author is annoying, however, he’s not completely wrong. I have seen this myself. A white friend (or sometimes someone who would be better described as an acquaintance) “reaches out” basically to assuage their own white guilt and get the black friend/acquaintance to tell them they’re not racist. White guilt is the driving force behind many of the tone deaf responses...it’s sad, really, because it shows you that people are so upset that they are not considering their motivations before doing it.

I think it's a human response, r222. I'm not sure how much of it has to do with guilt, but even if it does: so what?

If I found out a friend, eg, had lost a parent, I would reach out, even if I hadn't spoken to them in a long time. This isn't quite the same thing, but to me at least it's driven by similar motivations: caring about people and sometimes expressing that feeling in a clumsy way.

It's like: I'm an atheist. My mom has mid-stage Alzheimer's. If a friend told me "I'll keep your mom in my prayers" I'm not going to get all bent out of shape because I don't believe in God. I don't find it patronizing: it's just their clumsy way of expressing concern.

Well, the friend with the prayers is not looking to be forgiven or absolved by something, R223. You may not share their beliefs but their intention is to make you feel better, while in my example, the friend “reaching out” is largely looking for YOU to make THEM feel better.

But you could make that argument about ALL efforts to comfort/help/assist another person r224. There is always an element of "this makes me feel better too" -- to whatever extent we are willing to admit it. I remember long ago in a philosophy class the question was posed, "Is there such thing as a truly selfless act?"

Again, this is how people behave.

But how do you know that a white friend reaching out has some type of malicious or self-serving intent? You don’t know. You’re assuming.

A friend used to correspond with someone in prison. After 9/11, the friend in prison said that all the inmates were really angry and upset about the attack and they wanted to do something, but there was nothing they could do. Some cried. Many stayed glued to the TV as much as they could.

That prison was in Oregon, so most of those people probably didn’t know anyone in NYC. But that doesn’t mean they couldn’t feel anything, even guys who were in prison for a good reason. Nobody is all good or all bad.

The most likely explanation for people that are hearing from somebody they haven’t heard from for a while, is they’re thinking of you with concern. People do that when times are hard. You probably would have heard from those same people if a tornado destroyed your town. Just because you are not living in that person’s pocket any more, doesn’t mean they have forgotten all about you.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Thank you, r226. You expressed that much better than me.

[quote] A white friend (or sometimes someone who would be better described as an acquaintance) “reaches out” basically to assuage their own white guilt and get the black friend/acquaintance to tell them they’re not racist. White guilt is the driving force behind many of the tone deaf responses...it’s sad, really, because it shows you that people are so upset that they are not considering their motivations before doing it.

I'm not religious but I do believe in grace.

In the scenario of the above example the pissiness Chad exhibits is Old Testament eye-for-an-eye.

But, I would hope, I can and would receive that person in a way that I can either urge them to understand what they are doing or, at the very least, open a portal that gives them space to heal before I turned tail and walked away. To paraphrase a quote attributed to Abe Lincoln(?), "Most people really need a good listening to"

Thread closed.

[quote] You may not share their beliefs but their intention is to make you feel better, while in my example, the friend “reaching out” is largely looking for YOU to make THEM feel better.

That is your example, and that does happen. But that's not my experience that that happens every time a friend tries to reach out to me or tries to reach out to other people.

In my experience, most people who are your friends are your friends because you found them good at heart, even if sometimes they make mistakes or are awkward. If that's not your own experience, maybe you need to find better friends.

[quote]Almost every message ends with seven oppressive words — “Don’t feel like you need to respond.”

This is the part that makes it clear that he is making this stuff up. Everyone said that? Doubtful.

^Yup, red flag for sure.

Well at least someone asked him how he was.

R233 for the win. LOL.

Well said R226

The problem that America faces is that slavery engendered a psychosis, one that keeps pulling people back into it.

The problem with the current protests is that the the solution is 1. a recognition of systemic racism and 2. a recognition of "whiteness" and its privileges. Even if one accepts these two points this is no solution at all. In fact it erases the real problems that the black (and white) underclass face in this country. It stops us from seeing, and working to resolve, endemic poverty, the way in which welfare continues across generations, undermining family structure, the interrelation between drug prohibition and the penal complex, the economic disparities of healthcare.

The assertion of systemic racism and white privilege works to 1. reinforce "white" as a category (that should only exist for the extreme right wing) and 2. alienate poor who are not black. Those who benefit are professional politicians and professional anti-racism facilitators, both in the academy and the world at large. They have an investment, unexamined, in the perpetuation of these notions. The Democratic party has been neutered by these ideas.

Id like to know who exactly sits around thinking of this shit . I know plenty of people,and I have more relatives than a damn phone book ,and I can truthfully say Ive not heard one single person ever mention any of this crap. Not racism,not white privilege , not trans,nada . Everyone I know seems to be more concerned about keeping a roof over their head and food in their kids stomachs. Who the hell has time to sit around feeling bad about something they dont think about ?

I can't link for some reason, but his instagram account is linked at the bottom of his op-ed. Go to it and read two comments by, of all people, Ina Garton. It is safe to say that she did not respond well to him.

DL no longer links to Instagram r237

Division thread.

Take a look out your windows. It’s all about unity now.

That's not Ina Garten. It's an account called Ina Gartin.

[quote]I'd like to know who exactly sits around thinking of this shit.

The same people who loot and go to protests. Unemployed, bored people. Everyone needs to get back to work.

This is another "I'm with Her" situation brewing.

Too bad they didn't allow comments on his article

He's a jerk. Doesn't change my view that he needs protection from cop - and loads of other things - but he's a real jerk.

He comes off like the stereotype of a female--"I'm not mad!". Even though you really are and you just can't admit it. He wants to get attention but rejects his friends condolences. OK then.

It sounds like he’s saying the only solution is for his white friends to cut him off, because his suffering is such that it precludes him from even speaking to white people.

For one thing, if he’s getting his articles published, he is not likely to be an illiterate, underprivileged person of the streets, so I have the feeling that many others have suffered more than he has. Not that I’m saying he hasn’t suffered at all, but have the humility to acknowledge that others have it worse. He sounds narcissistic.

For another, if you so dislike white people that you can’t bear to even text with those that wish to express sympathy in your time of trouble, then therapy is the right solution for you.

If I was one of the white people who expressed their sincere sympathy and concern towards him, only to find he had written an article to express his complete contempt of me, I’d never text him again. Which sounds like what he wants, so those white people should just punch and delete. Nobody needs that kind of toxic negativity and resentment in their lives.

R246, he might feel better if he creates an application process for his friend: "are you white? Yes or No. Are you prepared to feel white guilt when I'm dissapointed? Excccelllent". Problem solved. Then the rest of us won't have to read his shitty writing.

*friends

Maybe the people that told him he didn’t have to respond have previously ghosted *him* because he’s a narcissist. I guess a narcissist wouldn’t think of that.

R246, he's a television writer, and his book is being published by Simon and Schuster. I wonder if he considered going with a majority black-owned publisher at all.

Some people are so touchy

BTW would it be racist to check in with Viola to see how she's doing? I just hope her wig didn't come off during the looting.

Everything that R235 said.

It seems the notion that Western countries are inherently white-supremacist and that white people must acknowledge their privilege is becoming the dominant narrative. I fear the backlash and the political gains to be had by the right (Steve Bannon loves identity politics as a way to ensure right-wing wins). And I doubt anyone born into a low-education, high-crime, no-opportunity place will be helped by well-off whites doing atonement rituals on social media.

More optimistically, I suppose it could lead to people being more open to hiring candidates they might not have considered before or patronizing businesses they hadn't before?

R253: Sorry but most western countries don't have the racial problems that the USA has and the racism, exists but it's not systemic.

And people continue to talk about white priviledges where it's non white discrimination.

Not being profiled by police just because you are white is not considered a priviledge in any other place because that's exactly what you expect of the police, not being discriminated. Not being profiled for your race is the normal thing and that's not a priviledge.

If you are being profiled because you are not white you are being discriminated. You need whites to feel empathy and solidarity for the ones who are being discriminated by their race, not feel shame for not being discriminated

[quote]Not being profiled by police just because you are white is not considered a priviledge in any other place because that's exactly what you expect of the police, not being discriminated. Not being profiled for your race is the normal thing and that's not a priviledge.

Uh huh, too bad for the good citizens of the UK that they DON'T profile. The police and media refuse to acknowledge that there is a serious problem with a very distinct ethnic group (Pakistani immigrants) committing all manner of crimes including child rape and trafficking.

What a world we live in when the "fee fees" of disgusting scum like these pigs are more important than the welfare of your own children.

So while underprivileged blacks who can't afford book deals and writing for TV shows are rioting to save their lives he's writing a screed for the NY Times, sipping his soy latte at his cozy Brooklin home as he waits for the book deal of a lifetime. Got it.

*Brooklyn

Anything to stir up resentment against black people, right op?

Or resentment against white people, r258.

Speaking of racism in other western countries (not sure if it's institutional as well though).

Maybe just say "Thank you"?

I can't believe Spain isn't on r260's list. The Spanish absolutely hate blacks.

R262 funny you mention that, my ex-boyfriend who was black visited Spain and recognized how racist it was. When he was on a train, some man gave him a nasty look and moved away from him as if he had a parasite! And he had other similar experiences there. It's a shame, Spain is number one on my bucket list.

At soccer matches, the Spanish are known to make monkey noises and throw bananas on the field at the black players.

So if institutional power begins to support anti-white discrimination, that means anti-white racism is real now?

Girl, bye!

"We have a collective responsibility to take serious action to address centuries of structural racism." - Jamie Dimon, Chairman and CEO, JPMorgan Chase

Chase made 33 BILLION last year, and Dillon was paid approximately 33 million with a bonus of 16 million.

If ever there was a teaching text, this is it.

How does this person have so many friends?

R259 or against both, by both, just like Russia did in 2016.

[quote]"I Don’t Need ... White Friends"