Do you are about your family members?

*care

I don't care about any of them. I wish they would all drop dead now, so there would be less people I have to even speak to.

I do wonder how weird it is that I have not spoken to my partner’s sister nor her kids in over a year. They are Trumpers and I just don’t feel the need. My partner texts every 6 weeks or so out of guilt but nah I’m good.

I have uncles and aunts I haven’t spoken with in months to years. Again deplorable trumpers.

The few family members I had are all worm food. When they were alive, we didn't give a fuck about each other.

Getting more distant. They liked me more when I was richer (I quit my job and work freelance for a happier life) and wanted shit. And they voted for Trump. When I call, the question 'how are you?' never leaves their lips, just 'how am I'.

Still talking, but I'm starting to go grey rock a bit more. And I just changed my will. They get nothing.

I was close to my mother but not my father. Close to my oldest sister but not the middle one. Jan's really do exist I guess. Both my parents are gone now, so in a way it brought us all closer together. It involved a sudden accident so the three of us suddenly had to figure out what to do.

Now that that's long past, the one I was not close to maybe see her once or twice a year. But with this pandemic and riots she has been calling a lot more so I guess she cares. She had issues with gays before I came out and even though she says she is cool with it, all these years later she talks about gays as if they are all flamboyant hair dressers who want to do her old husband. She went to Palm Springs last year and was shocked, SHOCKED!! there were so many gays there. She asked if it was gay pride, I told her it was just Saturday.

I have no family, meaning blood relations. My mother and father are dead, as are my grandparents. My sister died before I was born. My partner and his mother are my family now, and I would die for them.

No, we were never a very warm, close family. To compound that a bit, I was the odd one out who fled and never came back. I came to like most of the members of my fairly small family as an adult, each in his or her own way, but we had very little in common aside from the obvious.

I'm closer to my in-laws, in part because they were very kind toward me before they had any special reason to be.

Originally 7 of us but now 4.

We all get along and are in frequent contact with each other. Our parents have died.

And yet, as within all human relationships, there are lingering issues...

I wonder what the actual norm is in America. I was raised to leave home at 18 get a job, go to school and live in my own apartment not because I was forced to, but because I wanted to as it represented freedom and independence. I know it's not like that now but still our American way is to leave your family, go to college move far away and start a new life. That's very different from historical cultures whereby everyone stayed in the same town or even the same house! AKA the Waltons.

I look out for my family, but live a distance from them. I provide regular supplemental financial support and as needed, and always come when there’s an emergency.

They bitch about me behind my back. Sometimes to my face. I do the same.

It is what it is.

I care about about my mother, and I cared about my maternal grandmother when she was alive.

Outside of that, honestly I don't have deep feelings towards the rest of my family.

We are very close!

I'm very close to a few of my immediate family because we are very alike in temperament. Others I care about but am not close to.

I'm curious about how some people come to being indifferent about family members where there is no overt abuse or hostility.

In my case, my home life as a child was very tumultuous. My parents divorced, and each remarried, so that started the splintering, and caused us each to become cold toward each other. Neither parent was very parental or warm, so I think as we all grew up, we also grew apart. With no nurturing parents, and nothing to really keep us together, we drifted apart. They're also all assholes, so that doesn't help.

It's interesting that this question came up. Due to 7 years of notable behaviour being devalued, not believed when I was telling the truth, disrespected when I voiced an educated opinion (and was proven right)... the immediate answer is that I don't feel the same way about them that I once did. And I cannot ever envision at time when that could change.

What has been done hasn't been mentioned or addressed, nor do I expect it to be. And I don't want it to be dredged up. They knew what they were doing when they did it. On the other hand, I don't let it influence any situation where I have to deal with them. I see my dad every two weeks, and we get alone fine. There are so many children who are divorced from their parents. I couldn't imagine estranging myself from him; it would be petty.

I look at it as a long term relationship. There are times you want to smack the shit out of the other person. I try to learn from it as time passes, and to accept it without rancour. And I think I do that. I realize I'm not diverting my time to dwell on shit I didn't start.

Shit, I think this is where the therapist says, "That's very interesting. We'll pick up next time where we left off (I don't see a therapist)."

For what it's worth, my reply is straight off, so take it for what it is.

Don’t really like anyone in my family. None of us get along, but I try to stay in touch with my parents. They’re very old and they need me. I feel like smothering them sometimes, but I guess that’s normal.

Yes, close with my parents and brother (although he can be annoying since he is the overprotective brother type, even though I am now 50).

With my half-sister and half-brother, I am not close; this is understandable since we didn't grow up together. I just found out they existed when I was in high school.

I am very close to my parents and brother. We immigrated here from another country and immigrant families do tend to be closer.

I haven’t seen any of them in 20 years and haven’t spoken to most of them in that long. About a year ago, I started talking to my mother on the phone again, about once every 3 months. But that’s only because she has health problems and probably won’t be around much longer.

I’m only speaking to her because it gives her some comfort in her final months/years. I have no interest in talking to or seeing the rest of them.

My mother died in 92, & father died in 94. I have one older brother and sister. Both evil to the core. The last time I saw or spoke to either of them was a little more than a year after my father died at the lawyer's office when the estate was finalized. They both acted like the assholes they are and as we left (they left mad) I told them both "the next time I'll see either of you will be at one of your funerals" which actually won't happen because I wouldn't go near either of their funerals. Haven't seen or spoken to them since. I have 3 middle aged nieces and 6 grown grand nephews. I have minimal contact with them at this point, other than the occasional holiday card. They're all scattered across the country. My mother was the glue that held the family together and when she died that was the beginning of the end. I care about my nieces and grand nephews, but we've grown apart for so many years I don't think about them much anymore.

I don't speak to any of them. I hadn't spoken to either of my parents in 25 years and they both died within the last year. I have 2 sisters that I haven't spoken to in years either-a 20 year old nephew I've never met and 2 nieces. Other than that it's been decades since I spoke to any of my extended family. Half of them probably think I'm dead and the other half probably wish I was.

I don't think you're cold-blooded, OP. Unfortunately, we can't choose our blood relatives like we can choose our friends. Maintain relationships with people who lift you up and bring positivity to your life.

I'm a socially skilled introvert who is grateful to have had responsible parents. I care about my mother and I'm close to her, but we disagree more than I like. My father died six years ago. As a child, I was closer to him. He was a very protective father, more affectionate than my mother. Our relationship became strained when I was a teenager. The medication he took for a rare illness made him moody and temperamental. Plus, I was a teen and what teen isn't annoying sometimes? He suffered from dementia late in life and that was difficult for everyone.

I don't care about my only sibling, my straight brother. He's a year older and an asshole. He was my first introduction to selfishness and pettiness. He viewed me as competition for the same resources. He always felt he had to have the upper hand. When I was doing well or if his friends liked me, he resented it. Needless to say, he wasn't close to either parent, especially our father. He wasn't friendly towards our relatives. I used to have pleasant chats on the phone with his wife and would send holiday and birthday cards to his kids. After my last argument with him, sure enough, he told his family not to talk to me. Fine. For years I wasted energy trying to get along with him. I'm not wasting any more on his petty shit.

I care about my cousins, aunts, and uncles. I have many on my father's side. Most of them live far away. It's not easy to be close since I don't participate in social media like Facebook, Instagram, etc.

I care about them but am not particularly close nor do I crave a closer relationship with them. This probably says more about me than them but I like to keep a respectful distance and not offer up too much info about my life, keep it light and generic. Guess I am not a sharer.

Only child here, always close to my parents, one of whom is still with me. I don't know if I'd say I'm [italic]close[/italic] to more distant relatives, exactly, but I'm always happy to see the vast majority of my family. Lots of mutual care with the nearest branch on my mom's side, but most live hours away and the one who lives in the same city is intensely private (even more so than me).

I'm close with both parents and my two siblings. We all live within an hour of each other. My father was never very warm when I was growing up, but he's gotten warmer as he got older. My mother is very difficult. She's had a delusional disorder for 20 years, and she cannot stop talking about her obsessions, so sometimes I have to keep away from her for periods of time when she's worked herself into a week-long frenzy.

I think most families are kept together by a couple of people. Once they are gone, families tend to dissipate.

I am highly suspicious of families that are super close. Like to the point where everyone does the family thing all the time. I think it's weird. And based on friends with families like this it's all a massive cover-up for dysfunction.

R28, yes, and some family members tick every box on the Data Lounge “R-U-Nsane?” Quiz.

Might I add that family closeness protects other people and the community at large.

I'm not super close to anyone in my family. My mom was the glue (we gathered at her house) and when she died, the sibling relationships were laid bare.

My mom, herself, was difficult. But in the last year of her life, she was humbled by some bad experiences and we became close. If she had lived longer, we might have had further rocky times. She died when we were on a good note.

I do feel like: "What's wrong with me?" I'm working on that.

Yeah, after my parents died, I stopped caring about my extended family. I'm an only child, so they're really my only family left, but I just don't care. Her older brother (my uncle), has stage 4 cancer and doesn't have much time left. Before Covid hit, my cousin kept pestering me to visit him and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I didn't know what the point was, since I didn't really care. Of course, now with Covid, he's not allowed any visitors.

I agree with R27. My maternal grandmother was the glue (my family was a non-rich version of the Sally Field Programme with more daughters and less bastards) and now my oldest aunt is. When The Sisters go, I doubt I'll be on more than Facebook level with most of my cousins.

I love my parents, but we have very little in common, and I haven't lived with them since college. When I call home, once a week or so, it's mostly small talk. I don't tell Mom much about my personal life. I did get her to watch 13th, so she's engaging with what's going on. Dad is the Quiet Type, which bothered me as a kid, but I understand it now. He loves me, but showing affection isn't his thing. That's what happens when you're born in 1950 and raised by your grandparents.

My older brother died in a wreck six years ago. We had just turned a corner in our relationship (the last time I saw him was probably the most we'd ever gotten along) so that's extra bittersweet. His wife's family are all deplorable stereotypes, so contact is a minimum but she doesn't talk polotics with me and never has.

I was very much an Aunt's Boy as a kid. But...I disowned one aunt for being cruel to my mother after his death, another disowned me for being anti-Trump. Another I'm genuinely close to, I'll attend her funeral out of affection, the last out of duty (she's sweet but a pain). My uncle the baby (grandpa wouldn't stop til he got a boy) spent most of my childhood in Europe so never been close to him.

R32 - that's funny - it was my aunt (who didn't have children) and who was my mom's older sister that kept the family together and going. My mom did somewhat, but it was really my aunt who made it fun. Once she died 2 years ago, everything changed - including the relationships we had with family friends (most of them were originally my aunt's friends).

People assume it's typically the mother or grandmother who keeps a family together, but it's not always the case. It is bad to say, but I think I loved my aunts more or differently than my mom. But maybe that's normal? I always felt bad for feeling that way, but I guess they didn't have to deal with the day-in/day-out bullshit of raising me - they got mostly fun times and were more fun to be around generally.

I often wished I had had them as my mother - but that's probably a fantasy as neither of them had kids and who knows what they would have been like.

That's a good point. Being a mom is about the hardest and most thankless job there is, so people who are fun in smaller and less structured doses may very well turn out to be worse parents when the responsibilities are 24/7.

We need gay Aunt Beas.

One person in the family holds everything together. When my family lost its queens, everything went to shit. My family was too nasty, fat, and fugly for a gay queen anyway.